


Break

by NowSeeHere



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Aftercare, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blindfolds, Child Abuse, Consensual Kink, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Domestic Violence, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Gay, Gay Panic, Grinding, Hair-pulling, Hate to Love, Kink, Lesbian Sex, Modern Era, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Pupcake - Freeform, Rope Bondage, Self-Harm, Spanking, Strap-Ons, Temperature Play, Therapy, foot appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 167,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowSeeHere/pseuds/NowSeeHere
Summary: Patience Mount is the senior nurse at the Nonnatus Clinic. She's also the stressed out, grouchy, bitch of the office with unhealthy coping mechanisms that everyone knows to stay the hell away from at all times. Fresh out of nursing school, Delia Busby is thrown into this mess of a woman's life, and is instantly resented. Who is this sniveling kid with her sloppy uniform and cheery smile? Why is everyone conspiring against Patsy to work with this brat? Forcing them to attend a conference in Scotland together? Ten hours in the car with this know-nothing kidalone? What an absolute nightmare that'll be. She'd be cute is she wasn't so bloody useless and annoying.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks, I'm back with another Patsy/Delia story for you. This one is a bit more deep, more dark, definitely angsty, and a little romantic. This'll be your classic 'hate then love' trope, eventually they'll buried in snowed in some cabin up in the highlands somewhere for days and forced to deal with one another. Both are going to have some trauma in their backgrounds, both sad but vastly different (Patsy's will be worse. Surprised?). Don't worry, they'll learn to get along, and Delia will get her just deserts for putting up with Patsy's shit (read the tags, people).
> 
> This chapters trigger warning is for self harm and Patsy being unreasonably mean to Delia.
> 
>  
> 
> [Group Photo!](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-Group-Shot-755371626?ga_submit_new=10%3A1532054629)

‘Nurse Busby!’ 

There was a hush over the clinic, and every nurse in the room became wide eyed and silent, turning in the direction of the head nurse, Nurse Phyllis Crane, who was holding up a set of files and looking rather irritated, her eyes narrowed, the jowes of her cheeks trembling angrily. 

A young, nervous looking brunette, small in stature, her blue scrubs baggy because of it, approached Nurse Crane and stood at attention like a soldier standing in front of their commander. 

‘Yes Nurse Crane,’ she said meekly. 

‘I’ve just come from examining Mrs. Smith, after reviewing the vitals that _you_ recorded. None of these numbers are accurate! Blood pressure reading of 180 over 90 for a 25 year old woman?! She would be dead on the floor of a stroke by now if it was really that high! I had to check her vitals and temperature all over again and redo _your_ work!’

Nurse Busby looked down at her shoes, her ears red, ‘I’m terribly sorry Nurse Crane-’ 

‘Do not interrupt me!’ Nurse Crane shouted, and Nurse Busby looked on the verge of tears. 

Nurse Crane took in a deep breath of air, opening her mouth to continue her onslaught, no doubt trying to make an example of Nurse Busby by making her tongue lashing a public spectacle for the entire back office in the clinic. 

‘Phyllis.’ 

All eyes in the clinic turned to a tall redhead they knew to be the second in command, Nurse Patience Mount, striding over to stand between Nurse Crane and Nurse Busby. 

‘I’ll handle this,’ she said, plucking the file from Nurse Cranes hand. 

‘Her incompetence is a direct reflection of your training, Nurse Mount, I hope you know.’ 

‘I said I’ll handle it. She’s my responsibility, I’ll take care of it,’ she said soft, but firm, placing a comforting hand on Nurse Busby’s shoulder as they turned and walked in the opposite direction towards her office. 

‘Come on,’ Nurse Mount could be heard saying as they walked together, her hand slid to the back of Nurse Busby’s neck and gently rested there, seemingly guiding her, ‘let’s take a look.’

‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I must have gotten these numbers confused with something else...’ Nurse Busby trailed off feebly. 

‘It’s alright,’ Nurse Mount said softly as they walked, ‘we’ll review it together, don’t worry.’ 

On the other side of the room, having watched this entire debacle, Nurse Trixie Franklin hung back around a corner of the tiny clinic, her arms crossed and her shoulder leaning against the wall, her expression rather perplexed as she observed yet another example of the strange transformation in her friends behaviour. 

Here she was, Patience Mount. Stressed out, cantankerous, well known bitch of the office, and an obnoxious chainsmoker (though a fucking good nurse), actually _being nice_ to the new girl, Delia Busby. The fresh out of nursing school, doe eyed and sweet as cake girl who, until recently, Patsy couldn’t stand. She had been as mean to her as Nurse Crane had just been, refusing to even so much as shake her hand when they were first introduced, barely acknowledging her, snapping at her for making small mistakes. 

That was a month ago.

Now, all Trixie knew was that the two had been whisked away to a conference in Aberdeen a week or so ago, Patsy to present in a panel on modern midwifery and forced to take Delia along to observe, for the learning experience. Patsy had been vehemently against it. Stuck in the company car, driving all the way from London to Aberdeen with this no-nothing kid? Babysitting this annoying, spoilt brat? She had better things to do with her time, so she said. 

Since they’ve returned, Trixie could only shake her head in disbelief at the sudden reversal of Patsy’s behaviour towards Delia. She wasn’t _just_ being nice. She was holding doors open for her. She would order for Delia in the cafeteria, pay for her food, pull out chairs for her. Trixie found it so odd, and worried that Patsy was somehow manipulating the girl. She had 10 years on her, after all. Delia was so young, only 21 and away from home for the very first time in her life, still so very impressionable. It made Trixie worry she and Patsy were in some kind of unhealthy relationship. She was the only one who seemed to notice, though. 

Trixies eyes widened as, just before Patsy and Delia disappeared behind Patsy’s office door, she watched Patsy’s hand on the back of Delia’s neck, her thumb rising to gently stroke her neck, over the wisps of hairs hanging delicately loose from the younger woman's ponytail. The door shut behind them with a soft click and Trixie wondered just what the fuck was going on between those two. 

‘Well!?’ Nurse Crane shouted shrilly, pulling Trixie from her thoughts. All the junior nurses around her jumped, ‘Don’t you all have some work to do?! Get back to your patients!’ she said, Nurse Gilford, Nurse Dyer, and Nurse Anderson scrambling from their respective corner, tripping over themselves to get back to the front to deal with the waiting room full of patients. 

Trixie ignored Nurse Crane and stood still until the room was completely empty, save for her. She looked at the door where Delia and Patsy had disappeared behind, eyeing it suspiciously. Feeling overwhelmed with an insatiable curiosity, she practically tiptoed to the office, pressing her ear close to the door. 

She heard nothing for several moments, save for the thumping of her heart. Her pulse pounded in her ears, anxiety rising within her at the prospect of being caught. She knew she had patients to attend to, but getting to the bottom of whatever was going on between those two became the number one thing on her list of priorities at the moment. 

‘She hates me,’ Trixie heard Delia mumble. She strained to hear her through the door. It sounded as if Delia’s voice was muffled somehow. Like how someone sounds when they’re being hugged or held. Was Patsy holding her? 

‘No she doesn’t,’ Patsy said, ‘but it was wrong for her to yell at you in front of everyone. If she tries it again you tell her to speak with me. I’ll not have her doing something like that so long as I’m here. ’ 

‘I feel so stupid.’ 

‘You’re not. You just have to slow down and ignore the long line of patients outside the door. I know it’s tempting to rush but we need to get you into the habit of giving the patient you’re with your undivided attention. We can review your other files after work if you want.’ 

Trixie raised an eyebrow. _After work_? So they _were_ seeing each other outside the clinic. Trixie held her breath as the two on the other side of the door remained silent for several seconds. 

‘Have you been good today?’ Trixie heard Delia ask. Her tone had changed. It seemed more… confident. 

Good? What did she mean by good? 

‘Yes,’ Patsy said softly, ‘I really wanted to, but I didn’t.’

Wanted to? What was Patsy talking about? 

‘Good girl.’ 

_Good girl_?!

‘I want a cigarette,’ Patsy said. 

‘You may have a cigarette,’ Delia replied. 

‘Thank you.’ 

Trixie blinked. Was she hearing this right? Did Patsy just ask _permission_ for a fag? From Delia-fucking-Busby? 

A door clamouring open behind Trixie made her jump. She had to clamp her hand over her mouth to prevent an audible gasp from escaping. She quickly turned and snuck away as quietly as she could before Nurse Dyer noticed her standing by Patsy’s office door. Trixie quickly made her way out to the front of the clinic to take the next patient in line, desperately trying to focus on her work, but she couldn’t shake the conversation she had just overheard from her mind.

* * *

It was evening and the clinic had seen out it’s last patient. Trixie had been in the back collecting her things before leaving for the day when Patsy walked in, the tall redhead shrugging off her coat and smelling of smoke, no doubt returning from outside after having a quick fag. Trixie watched as the redhead tugged on the sleeves of her thermal, the one she wore under her scrubs. One would think this to be a sensible garment in the dead of winter like it was, the temperatures being well below 0 for the last several weeks now, but Trixie had worked alongside Patsy for several years. She had always seen her wear the thermal underneath her scrubs, even on the hottest of summer days. Come to think, she had never seen the woman's naked arms ever. There were several theories between her and the other nurses as to why this was. Nurse Gilbert and Nurse Anderson presumed it was a modesty thing, but Trixie knew the woman to be far from religious. Nurse Dyer and herself presumed she had tattoos or an embarrassing scar or something that she wanted to cover to look professional. None of them ever asked, reckoning it was none of their business, after all. 

The sight of the redhead brought back the memory of the conversation she overheard between her and Delia earlier that day, and she unconsciously looked at Patsy curiously, working to put together the puzzle in her head but not having all the pieces. 

‘Alright, Trix?’ Patsy asked, returning Trixies curious gaze. 

Trixie blinked, smiling innocently, ‘I’m fine. Just leaving for the night…’ she trailed off, buttoning up her coat before continuing, ‘How is Delia?’ 

Patsy merely looked at her. 

‘You, um, spoke with her after Nurse Crane gave her the what for,’ Trixie elaborated, ‘She alright?’ 

‘Oh,’ Patsy replied casually, ‘she’s alright. Told her she needs to work on paying attention to details before she enters her vitals. Not to worry about the workload and take her time to do it right. I’ve been checking up on her throughout the day. She’s getting better.’ 

Trixie gave a reassuring smile, nodding, ‘That’s good. You seem… to be more keen on her then you were before,’ Trixie said slowly, feeling like she was treading on dangerous territory. 

Patsy gave a soft smile, ‘She’s growing on me, yes.’ 

Trixie nodded, prodding further, ‘Was it… did something happen when you were stuck in the Highlands? Julienne said you two were snowed in somewhere without the car…’ 

Patsy kept her soft smile and quiet demeanor, ‘We had a chance to talk, is all.’ 

Trixie looked back at Patsy with as little emotion as possible, her body turning towards the redhead, arms crossing over her chest challengingly. 

‘Is it?’ 

Trixie watched as the muscles in Patsy’s jaw clenched. She took a breath through her nose and clasped her hands behind her back. 

‘Are you insinuating something, Trixie?’ 

Trixie blushed, but held firm, ‘I’m just… concerned.’ 

Patsy tilted her head, raising an eyebrow, a silent command for Trixie to continue. 

‘Just things I’ve seen… makes me think there’s more to you and her than you’re letting on.’ 

Patsy was quick to respond, ‘Such as?’ 

‘Opening doors for her? Pulling out her chair?’ 

‘I’m being polite.’ 

‘Buying her lunch?’ 

Patsy scoffed, ‘She’s just out of school and living in one of the most expensive cities on the planet, Trix. There’s nothing wrong with me buying her lunch. Phyllis treats you and I from time to time. Even buys us drinks every now and again.’ 

‘Patsy, I’ve seen how you touch her,’ Trixie said quietly, watching as Patsy narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her, ‘it’s as if you’re… together,’ she finished with a whisper. 

The two women shared a tense stare, one waiting for the other to move. To breathe. 

Trixie finally relented and spoke, ‘It’s just... from the outside it might look like you’re being polite and friendly, but there’s something else going on behind closed doors. Isn’t there?’ 

Patsy didn’t respond. She merely glowered, her lips a thin line across her face. 

‘She’s _young_ , Pats,’ Trixie whispered, her voice wavering slightly, ‘easily impressionable and… and I just want to make sure there’s nothing…’ Trixie struggled to search for words, so she trailed off, hoping Patsy would catch her drift, ‘I’m just trying to look out for the both of you, is all. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you… for whatever reason.’ 

Patsy took another deep breath through her nose. 

‘I assure you, Trixie, the relationship between Nurse Busby and I is strictly professional,’ Patsy remarked calmly, straightening her posture, ‘Even if there were something more, I would never use my position to influence or take advantage of her in any way. Or _anyone_ , for that matter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to finish before I leave this evening. Good night,’ she said with an absolute finality in her tone, turning on her heel and leaving Trixie alone in the back room, the smell of the last cigarette she smoked lingering in the air behind her. 

Trixie closed her eyes and shook her head, attempting to rid herself of the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it was unrelenting. She chose to just leave it for now. And besides, she reasoned, Delia was 21. An adult. An adult who could consent. If there was something going on, the two were perfectly within their rights to carry on as they were, but… Trixie shook her head and exited the building, resolving to keep an eye on the girl for the time being. Maybe it was nothing, but Trixie wouldn’t feel right with herself until she knew for sure Patsy was telling the truth.

* * *

One month ago.

* * *

Patsy was briskly walking down the corridor of the clinic, flipping through a patient file before she went into the exam room where they were waiting for their checkup. She was tired, and agitated. A near constant state of her being, one came to find out about her when they got to know her. Though, one could hardly blame her. With the exception of her boss, head Nurse Crane, she was the one senior member on a team of junior nurses with only three years of experience combined between them. Thankfully, Nurse Franklin, next in line to Patsy and her only friend at the clinic who could tolerate her near constant horrible mood, was able to keep them in check while Patsy was able to focus on her work. Despite this, they were severely understaffed, and more often than not, Patsy found herself taking on the bulk of the work every day. She took it on without reservation because otherwise it just wouldn’t get done, and if it did, it wouldn’t be done properly. 

‘Nurse Mount!’ 

Patsy turned her head to see Ms. Julienne poking her head out of her office door, giving Patsy an deceptively cheery smile. The woman was in her mid-60’s, a retired nurse who had taken on the role of Human Resources for the clinic, hiring and managing yearly reviews for employees and the like. Patsy found the woman tolerable but knew no good news ever came from being called to her office. In her case anyway. 

‘May I have a moment of your time?’ she asked, flashing a grin. 

Patsy scowled. Time was the one thing she never had, but with an impatient sigh, she turned around and made her way to Julienne’s office. 

Once she entered, her eyes landed on another person in the room. Someone she had never seen before. A young girl who looked sloppy in her ill fitting scrubs. Patsy, always one for looking crisp and professional, immediately disliked her, despite her looking bright eyed and bushy tailed and just all around happy to be there. 

Patsy hated her youth. Her dimpled smile. Her innocence. Her inexperience. 

Patsy turned to Julienne as the woman rounded back behind her desk after closing the door to her office. 

‘What do you want,’ Patsy said terse, looking to Julienne, ignoring the girl. 

Julienne narrowed her eyes, her smile a tight line on her face. She looked determined not to let Patsy’s rudeness get the best of her as she stood, her fingertips gently pressed against the top of her desk. 

‘I just wanted to introduce you to the new member of our team, Nurse Delia Busby,’ she said, nodding politely in the girls direction, ‘She’s just graduated at the end of last term in December, and will be doing her residency with us here at Nonnatus clinic,’ Julienne interlocked her hands together in front of her before continuing, ‘Nurse Crane has requested that I place her under your charge for her training. Take her under your wing, if you will.’ 

Patsy eyed the girl across from her, who puffed out her chest, looking determined to make a good impression as she stiffly held out her arm for a handshake. 

‘Pleasure to meet you, Nurse Mount,’ she said. Her accent sounded Welsh to Patsy's ears. 

Patsy merely glared at her, clenching her jaw, making no move to return the gesture. She took a step back and opened the door to Juliennes office. 

‘You. Out,’ she said, nodding her head from Delia to the hallway. 

Delia retracted her hand, turning red, clearly embarrassed, ‘Oh… um, a-alright,’ she mumbled as she nervously scurried out of the room, Patsy closing the door behind her, leaving it open just a crack. 

Patsy rounded on Julienne with a death glare, ‘Seriously, Julienne? I don’t have the time to babysit these fresh out of school nurses, cleaning up after them when they inevitably cock it all up. I’ve enough on my plate as it is fixing all the fuck-ups from the other nurses on top of my regular work.’

‘You know how I feel about swearing Nurse Mount,’ Julienne said, turning up her nose at Patsy. 

‘Well I bloody well don’t appreciate some newby being dropped in my lap like this when I have a million other things to worry about,’ Patsy fought off the awful urge to wink, a facial tick she had unfortunately developed over the course of her adult life whenever she felt stressed. She was fighting off that urge most of the time, recently. 

‘Nurse Mount,’ Julienne said firmly, ‘Nurse Crane and I believe it’s time for you to take on more of a mentorship role here at the clinic. The new nurses who come through could use training under the guidance of someone as experienced as yourself,’ Julienne finished resoundingly, hoping the compliment would soften Patsy. It did the opposite. 

Patsy tucked the files she was holding under her arm before holding both hands out firmly in front of her, ‘You are not _listening_ to me,’ she pleaded through clenched teeth, desperately trying not to raise her voice, ‘I do not have the _time_ to train anyone, let alone someone who has zero experience. Can’t you put her with Trixie and the rest?’ 

‘Nurse Franklin already has her hands full with the other three,’ Julienne said, her voice lowering and her gaze intense, ‘This is not a request, Nurse Mount. You _will_ take on Nurse Busby and ensure she is properly trained and managed.’ 

‘No. I’m not doing it,’ Patsy finished defiantly. 

Julienne merely sighed, the tight line in her face turning to a stern scowl as she clasped her hands together once more in front of her.

‘Nurse Crane will hear about this,’ Julienne threatened. 

Patsy rolled her eyes at Juliennes attempted tone of authority as she gripped the doorknob tightly in her fist, ’Well good, maybe she’ll actually fucking listen to me.’ 

She swung open the door and exited the room. Her head turned to her side to see the new nurse standing there meekly, her head down and expression sad. Patsy was sure she had heard every word between her and Julienne, and she didn’t care. Maybe it would be enough for the kid to stay the hell away from her and let her do her work in peace. 

Scowling, Patsy turned on her heel and continued walking down the corridor to the exam room where her patient was waiting. After spending some time putting on a cheery smile and thoroughly checking them over, Patsy moved on to the next patient, their door closed. She leaned in and heard Nurse Gilbert’s voice animatedly chatting with them while recording their vitals. Patsy decided then that she probably had just enough time for a quick cigarette before meeting with this patient. 

Not bothering to grab her coat, she headed toward the back area where everyone kept their lunches and other personal things, opening the back door and stepping outside into the alley, the only designated place she and the other nurses could smoke. She was greeted with the sight of Nurse Valerie Dyer, wrapped up on her puffy down coat and smoking her own cigarette. 

Valerie nodded her head in acknowledgment, ‘Alright Patsy?’ she asked, taking a long drag. Patsy could hear her cigarette crinkle, the tip glowing orange as she pulled in the smoke. 

Patsy grunted, her breath coming out through her nose in white puffs from the cold as she beat her pack of cigarettes against her palm. She had gone all morning without one and having Valerie blow smoke in her face absolutely made her mouth water. 

‘Met the new girl yet?’ Valerie asked conversationally. 

‘No,’ Patsy said miserably, doing her very bet to convey that she was in no mood for chit chat, which went completely ignored by Valerie. 

‘She seems really nice!’ Valerie said with a small smile, ‘Friendly. Welsh girl, you know. Says she’s happy to be living in the city for a change, what with growing up out in the country. Can’t imagine there’s fuck all to do out there where the sheep outnumber the people.’

Valerie laughed at her own remark, which went ignored by Patsy who concentrated on lighting her cigarette. She pulled in a long drag, finally feeling a moment of relief from the stress of her job as the nicotine hit her system. 

Both Patsy and Valerie jumped when the back door burst open, slamming noisily against the brick wall of the building with a loud ‘bang!’ The two smokers turned towards the commotion and watched as Nurse Crane emerged from the building, looking more bulldogish than usual. 

Valerie chuckled nervously, ‘’lo, Nurse Crane,’ she eked out politely. 

Phyllis had her eyes locked on Patsy, who looked right back at her unwavering as her cigarette dangled precariously from her lips. 

‘Leave us, Nurse Dyer,’ Phyllis said as she approached, coming to stand almost nose to nose with Patsy. 

Wide eyed and looking between the two, Valerie took one last quick drag of her cigarette, giving a nervous but cheery ‘Rightio,’ before chucking her butt into the receptacle and scurrying back into the building, closing the door behind her, knowing better than to disobey a direct order from head Nurse Crane. 

Neither Phyllis or Patsy broke eye contact as the door creaked on its hinges before clicking shut. Patsy managed one more drag of her cigarette before Phyllis reached up and pulled it clear from her mouth, throwing it to the ground. 

‘Oi,’ Patsy said a little tiffed as she exhaled a line of smoke, She reached into her trouser pocket to pull out her pack of cigarettes for another. Phyllis immediately batted them out of her hand and they fell to the ground, landing with a light crunch on the icy snow. 

‘Phyllis, what the fuck?’ Patsy said incredulously. 

‘Listen here,’ Phyllis began, ignoring Patsy's consternation, ‘I’ve just come from having a nice little chat with Julienne.’ 

Patsy pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. 

‘If you think you can continue working here with this selfish, shitty attitude, being rude to your coworkers and running from responsibilities-‘

‘Running from responsibilities?’ Patsy repeated, cutting her off, ‘I’m the one who takes them on! I’m the one who carries the load from the other nurses and you fucking know it!’ she shouted, taking a breath to calm herself slightly, ‘God knows if I didn’t do it nothing would get done right! Besides,’ Patsy said, crossing her arms and shaking her head thinking back to her earlier conversation with Julienne, ‘I didn’t become a nurse to train others. I don’t have time for it and I don’t want to do it,’ she huffed. 

‘Well tough shit, kid. The only reason I haven’t sacked you yet is because you’re one of the best damn nurses I’ve ever worked with, but you have to do the work to make sure the next generation is as good as you.’ 

Patsy growled, fighting off the urge to twitch again. It seemed like no one understood the amount of work and pressure she was consistently under. She absolutely refused to take on one more fucking task. 

‘It wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t so understaffed, Phyllis! I’m at my wits end by the end of the day fixing all the mistakes from everyone else under Trixies watch!’

‘Well maybe if you were the one who trained them in the first place, _like I initially asked you to_ , they would do their work right the first time!’ Phyllis shot back challengingly, ‘You’re not passing her off to Trixie this time. Not this one.’ 

Patsy shut her eyes tight. Fight it fight it fight it, she thought. 

‘Can’t you send her back?’ Patsy asked through grit teeth, slowly opening her eyes again, ‘This… Delilah, or whatever the fuck her name is? Can’t she go somewhere else? A bigger hospital who has the staff and resources to fucking train these new nurses right? Why doesn’t the NHS send us someone with some fucking experience for once to help out instead of burdening our load?!’

‘No, I can’t send her back, she’s not a puppy you pick up at the farm, Mount. She’s a nurse. A smart one, too. I purposely requested her to fulfill her residency here because she consistently received top marks in her class. She has the makings to be a great nurse and midwife, which is why I want her paired with you. I want you to train her, because I know you’ll bring out her full potential.’ 

‘Phyllis, I’m begging you,’ Patsy said, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, ‘please give the kid to Trixie. I don’t have it in me to oversee anyone’s training. I don’t have the time.’ 

‘You _will_ make the time, Mount,’ Phyllis said warningly, making her way back to the door, the hard snow in the alley crunching under her footsteps, ‘and her name is Delia. Delia Busby,’ she said as she opened the door, ‘put in the effort to show someone an ounce of respect for once and learn their fucking name, would you?’ she finished, slamming the door behind her. 

Patsy clenched her fist, pacing down and up the alley for a few moments, her breath coming out ragged in white puffs that floated about her head before disappearing. She took a few paces away from the door to make sure she couldn’t be seen before she rolled up the thermal sleeve of her right arm to her elbow. Her forearm was riddled with faded marks, scars she made herself with her own teeth, and she brought her arm to her mouth and added a new one, digging her teeth into her arm, pressing hard into the skin, marking herself yet again. It was painful, but it relieved the tension. It was the only thing she could think to do to cope with the insurmountable stress that she felt was piled into her every hour of every day. She let go and bit down again hard, feeling herself calm, feeling her breathing slow, the tension leaving her body with every thump of her pulse in her ears. She let go and looked at the red mark she had created, wiping it clean from spit and the spot of blood she drew before she lowered her sleeve back down to her wrist.

She turned, reaching down, snatching the pack of cigarettes Phyllis had knocked out of her hand earlier, shoving it back into her pocket before heading back inside, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Patsy had finished with her next patient, her eyes on the paperwork in her hand as she exited the room and shut the door. She stopped in her tracks suddenly when she realized the new nurse was standing directly in front of her, blocking her path. 

‘Oh,’ Patsy grunted, ‘What do you want?’ 

‘Um,’ the new nurse began meekly, staring at her hands in front of her, ‘Ms. Julienne said I was to shadow you for the next few days.’ 

Patsy sighed, the girl was standing so close she wondered if she took the phrase ‘shadowing’ literally. She took a step back to distance herself, her mood souring again at the thought of this kid on her tail, following her around all day, and every day thereafter for the rest of the week.

A set of glaring eyes bore into Patsy, making the hair on the back of her neck stand. She looked over to see Phyllis watching her like a hawk, eyes narrowed and arms crossed challengingly. Patsy scowled at her.

‘Alright _Busby_ ,’ she emphasized through clenched teeth, saying her name loud enough for Phyllis to hear. Patsy shifted the paperwork in her arms from one hand to the other, an idea occurring. 

‘Follow me,’ she simply said, turning on her heel and walking quickly to her office. The new nurse has to work double time to keep up with Patsy's long strides. 

Patsy opened the door to her office and flicked on the light, dropping the file in her hand on top of the others that were piled high in a neat stack on her desk. The office was simple. A desk with a computer, a chair, and no decorations on the walls, other than a calendar provided by the NHS, each month a PSA reminding people to wash their hands and cover their mouths when they coughed and the like. The office harbored no sign of personality whatsoever. Even the coffee cup next to the phone on her desk that held orphaned pens and pencils was completely white. 

Patsy stood over her computer and opened up their record keeping software. 

‘Sit,’ she commanded to Delia, pulling out her rolling chair for the girl. 

Delia sat down wordlessly, looking at Patsy for instructions. 

‘This information’ Patsy said, placing a finger on the stack of files, ‘needs to be transferred electronically,’ she said plainly, her finger moving to her computer. 

Patsy opened a file and held it up for Delia, ‘Look, all the information is here, the format on the screen is the same as it is on the paper, someone just needs to type it all up.’ 

‘There aren’t computers in the exam rooms where you can just type this up while you’re with the patient?’ Delia asked. 

‘No,’ Patsy said terse, ‘you see, Busby, the NHS is like the Titanic. It’s old, it’s slow, it’s terribly outdated, and if it keeps going it’s current course, it’s doomed to fail. Horribly.’ 

Delia merely blinked. 

‘They’re also too cheap to get computers for the exam rooms or laptops for us to carry around, either. Otherwise I wouldn’t have to waste half a day handwriting notes and then typing up an electronic copy,’ Patsy forced a smile and patted the back of the chair, ‘Well. Happy typing then! I’ll come in and check on you at the end of the day,’ Patsy finished, rounding her desk and heading out the door, leaving Delia looking quite worried as she opened the first file.

* * *

It was nearing six o’clock when Patsy had finished up with her last patient of the day, actually quite looking forward to going back to her office to find the new girl having done her paperwork for her. It made her walk with a kick in her step to think she might get out of here at a reasonable hour for once. 

She opened her office door, finding the once occupied chair empty, the files on her desk looking a little disheveled. 

Patsy looked around, hearing footsteps, and spotted Phyllis walking towards her. 

‘Where’s the kid?’ 

‘I can only assume you’re referring to Nurse Busby?’ Phyllis said with an eyebrow raised, ‘I sent her home early, Nurse Mount.’ 

‘Why?’ Patsy asked incredulously. 

‘You were given specific instructions to have her shadow you this afternoon, were you not?’

Patsy shrugged, ‘And?’ 

‘And instead you sequestered her to your office where you treated her as your personal secretary.’ 

‘So what? It’s work we all have to do. If I have to do it, she has to do it!’ 

‘The point of her shadowing you is you two working _together_! For you to sit _with_ her and teach her, not just dump her with the extra curriculars you don’t have the patience for.’ 

Patsy merely rolled her eyes, walking into her office and sitting down behind the computer. She figured she would at least look over what Delia had done before she left for the evening. 

She opened the first file on her desk and opened the accompanying electronic copy. Immediately she noticed that the electronic copy was paraphrased. Several words were missing. Several words were incorrect. 

‘What the fuck?’ Patsy mumbled to herself. 

She picked up the next file on her stack, finding the electronic copy in a similar state. And the next one after that. 

‘These are wrong,’ Patsy said, throwing the file down on her desk with force, ‘all of these are fucking wrong!’ she yelled to herself, leaning back in her chair with her hand over her face, taking several deep breaths. 

She kept her hand over her face to cover the twitch of her eye, finally giving into it as she felt the stress of the day rising within her exorbitantly. 

‘I’m going to just have to fucking do it all over again,’ she resolved finally, her words muffled by her hands. 

As she came to terms that she would be stuck there well into the evening redoing Delia’s work, she shot up from her chair and slammed her office door so hard the walls vibrated from the force. She leaned against the door, pulled up her sleeve, and sank her teeth into her left arm.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day two with our protagonists is off to a bumpy start when Patsy relents and finally takes Delia under her wing as a trainee. The week goes by quick enough until the two have some very terrible, terrible news bestowed upon them from a suspiciously giddy Julienne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm floored this first chapter got almost 500 hits since I posted it. Big thanks to everyone checking this story out! I hope I don't disappoint with the rest!
> 
> I'm also quite pleased with myself at how many people came to me in either the comments or on tumblr stumped with how Delia mucked up the files last chapter. The answer is so simple I'm afraid I might make some people angry. Ah well - this is fiction, work with me people. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for more biting, subtle references to child abuse, and Patsy still being really _really_ mean to Delia.

‘Busby!’ 

A hush fell over the nurses in the kitchen area. Everyone was gathered, chattering and saying their ‘Good Morning’s over steaming hot cups of tea or coffee. All eyes turned to the tall redhead glowering in the doorway, her gaze intense as she glared at the small brunette, fresh from nursing school and looking pretty terrified right about now. 

‘My office. Now.’ 

Patsy waited for Delia to follow. She watched as the smaller woman looked to the other nurses for help but no one was going to throw her a lifeline. Valerie offered a tight, sympathetic smile, and plopped two more sugar cubes into Delia’s tea before the brunette quickly ducked her head and scurried out of the kitchen area towards Patsy’s office, the tall redhead following close behind. 

Patsy closed the door behind them when they were inside, Delia clutching her tea mug tight in both hands. 

‘Put your tea down, Busby,’ Patsy said as calm as she could. 

Delia slowly did as instructed, placing the tea on Patsy’s desk.

‘Have a good evening?’ Patsy asked, her eyes wide and attentive, a small smile forced on her face. 

Delia blinked, looking rather taken back by the question, ‘Oh, um, y-yes. Yourself?’ 

Patsy placed her hands on her hips and looked down at her shoes, chucking. Her expression was fierce when she looked back up at Delia. 

‘No, Busby!’ Patsy shouted, and Delia flinched, which is precisely why Patsy asked her to put her tea down, ‘I bloody well fucking _did not_ have a good evening because I was stuck here! Until _well_ after midnight correcting _your_ mistakes, redoing _your_ work!’ 

Patsy reached over to her desk and picked up a file, ‘Type up what’s written here in the notes!’ she continued, ‘Was I unclear about that?!’

Delia only blinked, still looking rather terrified. 

‘I asked you a question, Busby,’ Patsy said, practically snarling. 

‘N-no,’ Delia choked out, hunching her shoulders, trying to make herself smaller than she already was. 

Patsy took a step back, holding her hands out, ‘Now I have a few more questions,’ she said in a more normal, calm voice, ‘just in case I’m overlooking something here.’ 

Delia remained silent, looking to be about on the verge of tears. 

‘Are you dyslexic?’ Patsy asked. 

Delia raised an eyebrow, but answered feebly, ‘N-no.’ 

Patsy raised her hand and held up two fingers, ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’

Delia looked thoroughly confused now, but answered, ‘Two.’ 

Patsy took several steps back and held up her fingers again, ‘How about now? Are they fuzzy?’ 

Delia sighed, turning red in the face, ‘No.’ 

Patsy put her hand back down and stepped towards Delia once more, clasping her hands together, ‘Alright, to recap,’ Patsy said, ‘my instructions _were_ clear, you _did_ understand them, you _can_ read, and you’re _not_ blind, nor do you need glasses,’ Patsy blinked, ‘Have I got that right? That the gist of it, yeah?’

Delia’s brows furrowed and she was now glaring at Patsy, her mouth a tight line across her face as she quietly said, ‘Yes.’ 

‘Then do you mind explaining to me what the bloody hell happened?’ 

Delia took a deep breath, her brows still furrowed angrily, unable to meet Patsy’s eye, ‘I… I was… in school I was…’ 

‘Well!?’ Patsy shouted, watching Delia jump, ‘Spit it out, girl, I haven’t got all day!’ 

‘I was never taught to read cursive,’ Delia finally said, taking a breath and opening her eyes to gauge Patsy’s reaction. 

Patsy felt her jaw go slack, her eyes blinked slowly as she processed this information. 

‘You were never taught... are you fucking joking?’ 

Delia looked rather ashamed, ‘No.’ 

Patsy brought both her hands to her mouth pressed together looking as if she were in prayer. She shook her head in disbelief and mumbled, ‘Jesus fucking christ…’

She looked back at Delia with her hands on her hips, ‘When… when did they stop teaching cursive in schools? Why?’ 

‘Everyone types everything now. They stopped teaching it because nobody uses it anymore…’ 

‘Nobody…’ Patsy said in a state of disbelief, ‘Nobody?!’ she repeated incredulously, ‘Busby, do I look like _nobody_ to you!?’

‘N-No…’ Delia hunched her shoulders again, looking like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole. 

‘It didn’t occur to you to come and find me and tell me this little… no, this _vastly_ important tidbit of information yesterday? Especially before you fucking left without completing the work I assigned to you?!’ 

Delia blinked several times, shaking her head as she sighed, ‘I-I’m Sorry. Nurse Crane came in to talk to me and sent me-,’ Delia’s hands swayed at her sides, and she knocked over her tea mug, making a mess all over Patsy's desk and office floor. 

Patsy growled and saw red. She felt like she wanted to rip her hair out and scream, this stupid girl frustrating her beyond the point of speaking coherently. Instead, she left a startled Delia fussing over the mess she made while she stormed out of her office, slamming the door hard behind her as she rushed down the corridor to Nurse Cranes office, desperately fighting off the urge to show her facial tick. She clenched her teeth and glowered, preventing herself from winking. 

Without warning, she flung the door to the office open to find Phyllis sitting casually at her desk, her half moon glasses perched at the end of her nose while she sipped her tea and read the morning paper. 

‘Top marks in her class, hmm?’ Patsy said through clenched teeth, ‘Certainly could have fooled me. They must just be _giving_ away degrees at whatever Uni she came from like candy,’ she seethed, shutting the door behind her, ‘Exactly what standards are they holding students to these days? Because so far the girl has only shown me that she is the most incompetent, useless waste of time, basically doubling my workload in the 24 hours she's been here!’

Phyllis gave an exasperated sigh, folding her paper as Patsy continued.

‘Send her back, Phyllis!’ Patsy demanded, her arms flailing wildly at her sides, ‘Send her back and have her at least replaced with someone older! Someone with a shred of experience! Someone who wasn’t still in gestation when Lady Diana was bloody fucking killed!’ 

‘For god's sake, Patsy, you barely worked with her at all yesterday. What has she done that’s so terrible,’ Phyllis responded, looking rather nonplussed at Patsys tantrum. 

‘She can’t bloody read the files, that’s bloody what!’ Patsy blinked, her hands at the sides of her face like she absolutely could not believe she was saying this, ‘Can’t read cursive! Can’t read my handwriting. Was never taught it in school! Have I gone mad?! Is there a whole generation of children now who can’t read historical documents? Their parents handwriting? Who will never have a signature?!’ 

Phyllis rolled her eyes, throwing her newspaper on the table and removing her glasses ‘Nurse Mount! If you had done as I instructed yesterday and had her work alongside you, this wouldn’t be a problem.’

‘Oh, it bloody well is a problem for our society, that’s what,’ Patsy said crossing her arms. 

‘Oh don’t be such a snob,’ Phyllis sneered, ‘I can barely read your chicken scratch as it is! I’m tempted to go out and buy her a cake just for attempting to translate your scribbles.’

Patsy took a deep breath through her nose and narrowed her eyes at Phyllis.

‘In any case it’s certainly not Nurse Busbys fault if she was never taught to read cursive. Times change. You think I wanted to spend the time learning to use a computer when they came about in the 90’s? I had better things to do, but I did it because time doesn’t stand still for anyone. Methods and technologies in the medical field change and improve all the time. You’re going to spend the entirety of your career studying and learning new things and working hard to break old habits that become outdated. Old folks like you and I have to adapt and change with the times. That includes letting go of some things we were raised to do. Like writing in cursive.’ 

Patsy glowered, not appreciating being referred to as old. Or as having chicken scratch for handwriting for that matter. 

‘Look, Patsy, have her shadow you proper today. Let her be there to actually watch you work and interact with the patients. If she’s unable to read your handwriting, make _her_ hand write the bloody files as you’re examining the patients. I don’t see why you’re making this to be so bloody difficult.’ 

‘I work better alone, that’s why. Some bloody kid tagging along is only going to slow me down.’

‘Tough!’ Phyllis shouted, ‘All you do is complain about being overworked, so just take the bloody time to slow down for one week to show her how it’s done, for god's sake! She’s a blank slate, Mount, this is your chance to mold her into someone you can actually count on to do the work to _your_ standards!’ 

Patsy took several deep breaths, glaring at Phyllis. She knew she had a point but was too stubborn to admit it. She uncrossed her arms and fixed her hair, tucking back a strand that fell loose as she paced Phyllis’ office. 

‘And you could stand to be a little nicer to the girl,’ Phyllis remarked, leaning back in her desk chair with a squeak. ‘She looks as if she’s about to soil herself whenever you’re near.’ 

‘The dumb twat already wet her tea all over my desk,’ Patsy grumbled under her breath. 

‘It is _Nurse Busby_ , Nurse Mount!’ Phyllis shouted, rising from her chair, ‘You will address her as such!’

‘I will address her as such when she has shown me she is worthy of the title!’ Patsy snapped back. 

‘How can she when you haven’t even given her the chance!’ 

Patsy clenched her teeth and growled, having had enough of being berated by Phyllis, and spun on her heel, throwing open the door to Phyllis’ office and rushing back to hers where she saw Delia standing by her door, looking worried. 

‘I’m sorry about the tea,’ Delia mumbled weakly, her hand rubbing the back of her neck nervously. 

Patsy ignored her, rushing past her and slammed her office door. She paced her office as she breathed, rolling up her sleeve and biting deep into her arm. She held tight for several seconds until the bite throbbed, each beat of her pulse releasing an ounce of stress at a time before she was satiated. 

Patsy rolled down her sleeve to her wrist, taking several deep breaths. Once she was calm, she looked around her office and saw that Delia had actually done a decent job of cleaning up her tea and stacking the files that had been on her desk in a neat pile. At least she could do something right, Patsy thought. 

With every ounce of patience she could muster in the moment, Patsy opened the door and stepped aside.

‘Busby, come here.’ 

Delia timidly stepped into the office and stood by Patsy's desk, clasping her hands firmly in front of her to prevent a similar accident from happening. 

Patsy shut the door quietly, her hand remained on the doorknob, the other hand on her hip as she looked at Delia, her gaze stern. 

‘Listen Busby. I don’t want to train you.’

‘You have made that fairly clear,’ Delia quipped. 

‘ _Quiet_ ,’ Patsy seethed, her nostrils flaring, ‘I don’t want to train you, but I’m being forced to against my will, and until I do we are stuck together for however long it takes for you to learn your job. Now, given the brief period of time you have known me, do I seem like a pleasant person to be around?’ 

‘Not at all,’ Delia mumbled, raising an eyebrow. 

‘Splendid. I figured we would be on the same page in that regard,’ Patsy managed a small smile before scowling again, ‘So here is what’s going to happen,’ she paused, taking another deep breath before continuing, ‘While you are under my charge, you are going to do everything I ask you to. You are going to assist me with my rounds. You are going to _silently_ observe everything I do. You _will_ pay attention to how I interact with the patients, what questions I ask, and how I record my notes,’ Patsy paused, taking stock of Delia’s expression, which remained blank or the most part, ‘you will take over handwriting their vitals in the files and typing them up at the end of the day. That way there is no… miscommunication, so to speak. Do you understand?’ 

Delia nodded. 

‘When we are done you _will_ sit here with me and we _will_ go through the files together and you _will_ record what you have written into the software correctly, and you’re _not_ to leave this evening until I look it over. In fact, you’re not to leave any evening until I say, is that clear?’ 

Delia sadly nodded, and Patsy could see a little life die behind her eyes at this instruction. 

‘If I find anything is incorrect or not done properly, I’m going to make you sit here for as long as it takes to do it correctly, ten times over, until it’s engraved into your brain. Do you understand?’ 

Again, Delia nodded, her shoulders slumped. She looked as if Patsy had finally killed her spirit and it made Patsy a little happy to be honest. 

‘Wonderful,’ Patsy said with as little enthusiasm as possible, ‘if you have the smarts Phyllis thinks you do, this shouldn’t take however many weeks they think it will, and then I won’t have to babysit the new kid anymore,’ Patsy sighed, ignoring Delia’s glare at her comment, ‘Come on then, let’s get started. I can already hear the shrill cries of children with ear infections in the lobby,’ she remarked as she moved to open the door to her office. 

Patsy paused, looking back down at Delia with a scowl. 

‘And for god's sake, Busby,’ Patsy sighed exasperated, gesturing to Delia’s scrubs, ‘cuff your _fucking_ trousers, will you? You look like a stack of pancakes.’ 

Patsy swung open the door and walked out of her office, leaving Delia looking down at herself with a confused glance to her appearance.

* * *

The course of the morning went as planned. Patsy saw her patients and Delia observed silently in the corner after a blasé introduction from the more senior nurse. For once Patsy felt grateful that the woman was so small and quiet, she was particularly good at making herself disappear and Patsy hardly knew she was there for the vast majority of her exams. Delia did as instructed and wrote down the patients information in her own handwriting so she could type it up later with little confusion. Patsy was greatful Delia’s notetaking skills were up to par and she needed to make no corrections, though she figured that was because she was fresh out of school. 

Patsy let Delia go for lunch, and took the hour alone to type up unfinished files from the previous evening. She was just about done before Trixie appeared in her doorway and leaned against the frame, polishing the apple in her hand against her shirt. 

‘So how are you getting on with Delia?’ Trixie asked. 

‘Who?’ Patsy asked, clacking away at her keyboard and not bothering to look up at Trixie. 

Trixie rolled her eyes, ‘Delia! The one everyone heard you yelling at first thing.’

‘Oh, Busby’ Patsy grimaced, not particularly caring to be reminded she would be tied at the hip with the smaller woman for the rest of the week, ‘yes, well I find her particularly engaging in most matters relating to philosophy, the arts, and literature. Has a good head on her shoulders, that one.’ 

Trixie raised an eyebrow, ‘Really?’ 

Patsy merely glared at Trixie and the blonde in the doorway shrugged.

‘Oh, well, I’m sure she’ll catch on.’

‘She can’t even read cursive,’ Patsy mumbled. 

‘Patsy, nobody can read your bloody handwriting.’ 

‘What the- Why has no one told me this before?’ she asked flummoxed. She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘You know what, never mind. Trix, why don’t you take her on then? Leave me be to do my work alone with my shitty handwriting if the lot of you have a problem with it.’

‘Because I’m already managing the other three you didn’t want.’

‘So what difference is one more going to make? They’re like Pokémon. Collect them all.’ 

‘No!’ Trixie said, throwing her apple at Patsy who caught it with her right hand, ‘besides, you need to learn to play well with others.’

‘I get excellent reviews from my patients, thanks,’ Patsy said, taking a bite of Trixies apple. 

‘There’s a difference when you’re being nice to people you only have to see for 20 minutes. What’s so hard about getting to know the people you work with?’

‘What, engage in chit chat about another's personal life? Or worse, _my_ personal life? No thanks.’

‘Patsy we all know you have no life outside the clinic,’ Trixie smirked. 

‘Ha,’ Patsy said, taking another bite, ‘Speaking of which, I need to speak to Barbara. She did a shoddy job of wiping clean the instruments last night and I’ve half a mind to dump them on her desk and make her do it again.’ 

‘How do you know it was her?’ Trixie asked. 

‘Because it was _her_ name written on the board as the last person to clean them,’ Patsy narrowed her eyes at Trixie, ‘the one _you_ ought to be maintaining so everyone has a rotation.’ 

Trixie sighed, closing her eyes to keep Patsy from seeing how far back in her head they had rolled, ‘I’ll… I’ll talk to Barbara, alright? She’s terrified of you.’ 

Patsy took another bite of apple and grunted, ‘At any rate, I have the new girl working alongside me in complete silence and I like it that way. Makes it seem like she’s not there at all.’ 

‘Patsy, what’s so bad about Delia anyway?’ Trixie asked. 

Patsy sighed, leaning back in her chair, ‘Trixie, I just don't have the bloody patience to teach someone all this shit from scratch. I just wish the NHS could send us someone for once who could hit the ground running and help take the load off me and Phyllis instead of burdening us with new nurses who know absolutely nothing…’ Patsy trailed off, shaking her head. 

She grew angry again thinking about Delia, ‘I just don’t like her. There’s something that grates me about her that I can’t put my finger on. Doesn’t help that her incompetence kept me here half the night correcting her work. She didn’t even bother to tell me she couldn’t bloody read.’ 

‘Pats,’ Trixie said. 

‘She’s also clumsy! Made a mess of my office this morning and everything.’

‘Patsy,’ Trixie said again, more firm. 

‘And as far as I know, she still hasn’t cuffed her fucking trousers!’

‘Patsy, _will_ you _shut up_.’ 

Patsy finally looked over to Trixie, who was blushing a deep scarlet and looking out of the corner of her eye.

Patsy sighed, leaning back in her chair and shouted, ‘Busby!’

Delia slowly appeared around the frame of the door, her cheeks flushed pink and looking down, unable to meet Patsy’s eyes. 

‘Well, Busby,’ Patsy said, her eyes narrowing as she gave the girl a once over, ‘you still have the appearance of a flakey breakfast pastry,’ she said as she opened a file on her desk that was written up by Delia that morning, ‘but at least so far you’ve proven to me you’re not completely useless.’ 

‘Patsy!’ Trixie scolded.

* * *

Several days passed where Delia silently followed Patsy, observing her work and handwriting the vitals of the patients so she could type them up at the end of the day. Patsy was particularly thrilled to find that she could leave Delia alone for five minutes typing up her files while she escaped for the occasional fag and to make a round or two through the clinic to check up on the other nurses. More often than not she would need to loudly disperse little group chats in the back office or threaten to take someone’s mobile away when there were still patients to attend or instruments to sanitize. It didn’t help matters when they would scurry out like cockroaches from the back room as she approached, leaving behind a mess of crumpled up rubbish and tea and sugar spilled everywhere. Patsy was too much of a neat freak to let it go unattended for long so she cleaned it herself, grumbling the entire time about how anyone could become a medical professional without having her insatiable drive for cleanliness. 

Before Patsy knew it, the weekend was upon her and she could finally have some time to herself where she could partake in her favorite hobbies of chain smoking and drinking whiskey alone in her flat, her cat George around to keep her company. She would never have the company of other people in her flat for fear they would think her peculiar for having absolutely no mirrors, save the small one by the door she used to check her hair and makeup before leaving for her shift each morning. Patsy hated looking at herself, especially unclothed as her body was riddled with scars she didn’t care to see, reminding her of a time when she was weak and vulnerable and too small to fight back. The scars were mostly hidden from view on her back and hips, and despite not being able to see them in full, she still resented her body. From those early ages she was made to feel wrong. Made to feel incorrect for simply existing. Simply being. She knew this was why she didn’t care about making more scars in her arm when she was stressed out. She didn’t care what she was doing to her body with her poor diet, no exercise, over drinking, and chain smoking. What was the point of being kind to herself when she already knew she could take a beating. It was all she knew. 

Patsy always thought she would finally have some time to get a decent night's sleep on the weekends, but it never came. The whiskey made her tired but it never knocked her out like it would a normal person after the amount she consumed. Patsy refused to take sleeping pills, either, thinking she had enough vices and didn’t want to take the risk of taking on another unhealthy habit. So she lay in bed with George and did the only thing she could think of to help her relax, play her records and smoke her cigarettes. She didn’t know how many she had smoked that evening, too consumed with watching the white moke bend in the moonlight filtering through her blinds as her Radiohead record hissed under the needle between songs. She willed her mind to try and turn off, but it raced with thoughts, things that had happened and things she needed to get done. Staring at the blank ceiling didn’t help matters, as there was nothing to distract her mind from venturing off into the past where she desperately did not want to be. 

She was grateful when a call came and interrupted her sleepiness Saturday night, a patient having gone into labor and requesting her presence in the delivery room. She was exhausted, but with sleep eluding her, assisting with the delivery would at least give her something to do. It wasn’t until Sunday afternoon did she return to her flat and finally pass out in her bed, completely exhausted after almost 30 hours of no sleep.

* * *

The start of a new week began and Patsy had decided that Delia had enough observing and was ready to get in on the action, checking over patients vitals herself and giving them their injections if needed. 

Delia took the lead with examining patients that Monday morning while Patsy observed. She had no intention of leaping in and helping Delia, but it seemed every two seconds Delia would look to Patsy for validation that she was doing something correctly, or pause to think about something before acting on it, which confounded Patsy because the girl had just watched her go through all these same motions over the course of the last week. Additionally, the girl seemed to get on well with children but looked overwhelmingly uncomfortable handling infants. It was as if she were afraid any kind of touching or holding would break them. 

Needless to say, this aggravated Patsy, and after the third or fourth examination Delia was supposed to spearhead for that day, Patsy pulled her into the hallway away from the ears of any patients that might be nearby. 

‘Busby, listen,’ Patsy began, feeling frustrated with the new girl and struggling to keep her voice low, ‘the point of this is for you to learn how to work alone.’ 

Delia nodded silently. 

Patsy sighed through her nose, ‘Well, you’ve watched me work all last week and you still don’t seem sure of what you’re doing.’ 

‘I just… want to make sure I’m doing it exactly as you did,’ Delia scratched her head, ‘it’s just hard sometimes because some of the questions were different from the others…’ 

‘Busby you don’t,’ Patsy closed her eyes and clenched her fist in frustration, ‘you don’t need to examine every patient verbatim to how I did last week. Everyone is different with different needs, alright?’

‘Oh,’ Delia said, ‘that makes sense.’ 

Patsy rolled her eyes, ‘Busby listen, you’re not in school anymore. There isn’t always going to be someone right in front of you giving you instructions. You’re a nurse… supposedly,’ she added under her breath, ‘out in the real life medical field, away from your textbooks and instructors, and you’re going to have to actually _use_ your brain now and make decisions based on your own judgement.’

Delia frowned at her. 

Patsy stared back, ‘You have had to do that before, yes? Or have you had your hand held all through life letting other people make decisions for you?’

Delia remained silent, and Patsy tilted her head, her hands coming to her hips as as she looked down at Delia incredulously. 

‘Have you ever had a job before? Ever in your life?’ Patsy continued as Delia only looked down at her hands, ‘I mean anything. Anything at all. Flipping burgers? Scooping ice cream? Selling tickets at the movie theater?’

Patsys aggravation only rose within her as Delia remained silent, blushing and looking away. 

‘You just…,' Patsy brought her hands to her face as she felt the tension grow, her eye in the verge of succumbing to that stressed out tick again, ‘This is your absolute first job,’ she said more to herself than to Delia. She looked down and scowled at the kid, her hands gesturing wildly in Delia’s direction, ‘Everything that annoys me about young people these days is just manifested right in front of me. No wonder you’re so bloody clueless and unsure of yourself. You’ve never had to be responsible for anything in your whole life.’

Patsy couldn’t stand to look at Delia at the moment and she moved to turn and head towards another examination room where she knew a patient would be waiting. She stopped herself and turned back to Delia as a thought occurred, noting the girl was staring daggers back at her, which went ignored. 

‘By the by,’ Patsy started, ‘I know they’re infants, but they’re not the delicate pieces of crystal you seem to think they are. You’re not going to break them if you hold firm onto a wiggly limb for an injection, you understand?’

Patsy looked on for a moment as Delia blushed and nodded, but remained silent. 

‘You don’t seem terribly comfortable around babies,’ Patsy continued, ‘are you sure midwifery is the path you want to take? Have you ever even held a baby before?’ 

Delia’s face seemed to crack and Patsy watched as she tucked her bottom lip into her mouth and looked away, her eyes suddenly glazed over. 

‘Nurse Mount!’ Valerie called, trotting over to them, ‘And Nurse Busby,’ she added with a smile to Delia, ‘Nurse Crane has just asked me to come and fetch you. She wants to see both of you in her office’. 

‘I need to use the toilet, excuse me,’ Delia said quickly, scurrying away before anyone could react. 

Patsy looked on for a moment rather perplexed, watching her disappear around the corner. 

‘Was it something I said?’ Valerie asked. 

Patsy shook her head and gave an annoyed sigh, resolving that Delia was just being emotional. 

Valerie shrugged, ‘Oh, well, anyway, Nurse Crane needs ya. She wouldn’t say what for though.’ 

Patsy merely gave a tired sigh and headed in the direction of her boss’ office. 

She cracked open the door just enough to stick her head through to see three people: Nurse Crane, Ms. Julienne, and the maintenance man Fred Buckle, all hovering over Nurse Cranes’ desk. 

Without moving into the room, Patsy merely raised an eyebrow and caught Nurse Crane’s eye, ‘You rang?’

The other two heads in the room turned to look at Patsy, Julienne smiling wide as she addressed her. 

‘Come in Nurse Mount! We have a wonderful opportunity for you and Nurse Busby.’ 

Patsy gave a sarcastic chuckle and shook her head.

‘No. No you don’t,’ she said as she shut the door and began walking away. Talk like that led to nothing good as far as she was concerned. Especially if it also involved the new kid. 

‘Nurse Mount!’ Patsy heard the shrill cry of her boss Nurse Crane, ‘Get back here this instant!’ 

Patsy stopped in her tracks, taking a moment to cast her eyes to the ceiling and let out a long sigh. When she turned around she almost bumped into Delia who supposedly just returned from the toilets, her eyes looking a bit red.

‘Well, go on then!’ Patsy said impatiently, gesturing to the door, ‘You’ve got more patients to get on with after this. Let’s make it quick.’ 

Delia hunched her shoulders at Patsys harsh tone and ducked into the office. Patsy followed and slammed the door behind her, not looking forward to what the the other three in the room had in store. 

‘What is it?’ Patsy crossed her arms, glaring at Julienne, ‘What do you want?’ 

‘Clear your schedule for the weekend!’ Julienne said excitedly. 

‘No,’ Patsy closed her eyes and shook her head. 

‘There’s been an opening at the women’s health medical conference!’ Julienne continued cheerily. 

‘No there hasn’t.’ Patsy said, and began pacing the room. 

‘In Aberdeen!’ Julienne finished, looking rather pleased at Patsys reaction to the news. 

‘God, _no_! Phyllis!’ 

‘ _Will you be quiet_ , Nurse Mount!’ Phyllis snapped angrily at Patsy.

‘Scotland?! Really??’ the redhead shouted, glaring daggers back at Phyllis, her jaw clenched tight.

‘For your information,’ Phyllis continued calmly, ignoring Patsys anger, ‘there is a two day panel on modern midwifery at this conference and the nurse who was going to present had to drop out from the panel due to medical reasons. She has requested you _by name_ to fill her place!’ 

‘What?! Who?’ Patsy asked. 

‘Shelagh Turner ring a bell?’ Julienne asked, and Patsy's mind flashed with recognition at the name to the modest midwife, mousy woman, soft spoken Scottish accent if she recalled correctly, with horned rimmed glasses. She seemed a bit too pius to be married in Patsy's opinion, but Patsy was there to assist in her growing brood of children. 

‘Good friend of mine,’ Julienne continued, ‘a wonderful midwife herself, which is why she was on the panel. She moved back home to Aberdeen with her family after you helped delivered her daughter, actually. She was highly impressed with you, Nurse Mount. Thinks you’re one of the best out there despite your age, and… temperament,’ she added quietly. 

Patsy scowled, ‘Well what the bloody hell am I supposed to even talk about on this panel? I’m in practice, not academic research!’

‘That’s precisely why she will be sending you her notes, Patsy,’ Julienne continued, ‘she’s already summarized everything she would like you to cover with the other panelists, and she feels you’ll be up to the task with answering any questions from the other attendees.’ 

‘And if I refuse to go?’ Patsy looked to Phyllis with an eyebrow raised, her hands on her hips challengingly. 

‘It’s too late Patsy,’ Phyllis said, leaning back in her chair with a squeak, ‘I’ve already volunteered your name.’ 

‘This is _not_ volunteering!’ Patsy exclaimed, ‘I’m being _told_ to go! _Against my will_ , I might add!’

‘Well in that case I’m volun- _telling_ you to attend this conference, _Patsy_ , and you _will_ attend without a fight, or I’ll sack ya!’ Phyllis cried shrilly, her eyes wide and focused on the redhead. 

‘Phyllis for once I just wish you would follow through on that threat,’ Patsy said, closing her eyes and squeezing her fists in frustration. 

Julienne cleared her throat and turned to Delia, ‘Nurse Busby,’ she said, a strained smile on her face. 

Everyone in the room looked to the small brunette who had remained silent throughout this debacle, her hand covering her mouth to conceal a smile, but there was no hiding the amusement in her eyes as she witnessed Patsy’s tantrum. 

Delia cleared her throat and removed her hand, crossing her arms in front of her, ‘Yes, Ms. Julienne?’ 

‘We feel accompanying Nurse Mount to this conference would be a good learning opportunity for you, along with networking with midwives from across the country. Get your feet wet in the profession, so to speak. How does that sound?’ 

Delia gave a spiteful side glance to Patsy, who tutted and rolled her eyes right back. 

‘Sounds grand,’ Delia musterd with as little enthusiasm as possible. 

‘Well splendid!’ Julienne said with a smile, ‘We all think this will be a wonderful experience for the two of you. Spending time together,' she added in a singsong voice, 'building camaraderie…’ she trailed off with a large grin, only growing wider the more Patsy scowled. 

‘When do we fly out?’ Patsy sighed, sounding defeated. 

Julienne and Phyllis exchanged a look and chortled condescendingly, and Patsy suddenly felt a sick feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. 

Julienne clasped her hands in front of her and turned to Fred, ‘Actually, Mr. Buckle here has been kind enough to offer his time to spruce up the car for your journey-’

‘Whoa,’ Patsy said, holding out her hands, ‘stop. Am I hearing this correctly?’ she looked incredulously to Phyllis, ‘ _the car_?’ 

‘Yes Nurse Mount,’ Julienne said. 

‘You’re having us _drive_?’ she blinked at the three surrounding the desk as they stared back at her blankly, ‘To _Scotland_?’ 

‘That’s putting it plainly, yes,’ Phyllis said with an exasperated sigh. 

Patsy sputtered, ‘Well, _why_? That’s at least a 12 hour journey! Why can’t we take a flight?’ 

‘I’ve got the car all spick and span for ya,’ Fred chimed in, gripping his newsboy cap between his hands nervously, obviously intimidated by the strong personalities in the room, ‘just changed the oil and antifreeze, made sure the tires were good and full of air. The heating works perfectly for the cold weather up there...’ 

He trailed off after catching sight of the two nurses in front of him glowering, their eyes narrowed and lips pursed in absolute revulsion that a man was speaking. 

‘Oh, where’s your sense of adventure, Patsy?’ Phyllis said, raising her arms, completely ignoring Patsy’s expression, ‘spend the day driving up and seeing the countryside. When’s the last time you even took a trip anyway? Enjoy the ride! See the sights along the way!’ 

‘Also it’s just a little out of our budget to fly the two of you up there for the weekend,’ Julienne added quietly, clearing her throat before she continued, ‘but the hotel is all squared away and we will comp for petrol and any meals you pay out of pocket for.’ 

‘You ship out bright and early Thursday,’ Phyllis smiled at the two women standing before her. 

Patsy rolled her eyes and shifted from one foot to the other with her hands on her hips. This whole thing sounded like it was going to be bloody terrible. 

‘Well, that’s settled then,’ Julienne said with a finality in her tone, ‘I’m sure you two have patients to attend to.’ 

Patsy gave one last glare at Juliennes cheeky smile before turning and exiting the office. She waited for Delia to follow, who stopped in her tracks and looked at Patsy expectantly as she closed the door to the office. 

‘Do you even know how to drive?’ Patsy asked, looking down at Delia. 

‘I do. Do you?’ she asked with a slight quip in her tone, eyebrow raised. 

Patsy was slightly taken back at her tone, ‘I… I get on alright,’ she said, feeling a bit self conscious suddenly, realizing it had been at least a decade since she had really driven a car, not needing to being in the city most of her life. Surely the basic mechanics hadn’t changed that much, had they? 

‘You don’t sound very confident,’ Delia said, crossing her arms. 

Patsy narrowed her eyes, ‘I can drive,’ she confirmed, her tone stern. 

There was something in Delia’s posture suddenly that had Patsy feeling challenged. Her arms were crossed, shoulders back, her gaze unrelenting with Patsy’s. Delia was still much smaller than Patsy but the way she carried herself in that instant commanded respect and power and Patsy felt intimidated by it all of a sudden.

Patsy shook her head, wondering what had happened between their last exchange and now. The girl who had been cowering whenever Patsy was near was suddenly gone and replaced with someone that boasted an exuberant confidence, but, how? When? What happened? 

Patsy was pulled from her thoughts when Trixie approached.

‘Hey Patsy,’ Trixie began, nodding politely to Delia, ‘Nurse Busby, pardon the interruption, but I need to steal Nurse Mount away from you this afternoon.’ 

‘Please do,’ Delia quipped under her breath, just loud enough for Patsy to hear. The redhead glared at Delia, but remained silent as Trixie addressed her. 

‘There’s been a call about a patient of yours, Mrs. Foster?’ Trixie said, looking to Patsy for validation of recognition, ‘Her doctor at the London said she’s gone into labor and the baby is breech. He’s requesting your assistance with the delivery.’ 

‘Right,’ Patsy sighed tiredly, looking to Delia, ‘I think it’s a bit soon for you to be shadowing me in theater. Do you think you can finish off with this afternoon's patients on your own? You can check in with Trixie if you need help with anything.’ 

‘I think I can manage,’ Delia said quietly, her tone short. 

Patsy hummed an acknowledgement, not particularly interested on her response. She made to go back to her office to collect her things when she turned back, looking to Delia, ‘And Busby, do remember what I said about infants.’ 

Delia’s fierce blue eyes locked in on Patsy’s and narrowed spitefully, ‘Oh, I remember,’ she said. 

Patsy’s heart thumped against her ribcage suddenly at the girls expression, her eyebrow raising curiously as she witnessed Delia seeth slightly at the sight of Patsy before turning and disappearing into an exam room, her expression transforming to one of pure joy at the sight of the ten month old with her father on the other side of the door. 

Patsy blinked and shook her head, willing the image away from her brain as she made her way to the London, though throughout the afternoon she was unable to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, wondering if she had crossed a line with the new kid somehow.

* * *

The delivery was a complicated one and Patsy returned to the clinic after closing, well into the evening. She had only meant to pop in to collect some of the things she had left behind, her lunch bag, her thermos. She shuffled around in the kitchen area collecting her things before turning off the light, but another light left on in the corridor caught her attention. It was the light to her office. 

With an impatient sigh, thinking it was Busby who had carelessly left it on before leaving, she walked back to turn it off and shut the door. Her arm reached in and her hand felt for the switch on the wall, pausing in place as Patsy heard a faint snore. She laid eyes on a figure still at her desk. It was Busby, the girl sleeping with her head in her arms, files strewn across the desk, some laying open. Patsy couldn’t help but shake her head and tut at the disorganization. 

‘Busby,’ Patsy said. The girl didn’t respond. Patsy sighed and crossed her arms, leaning against the frame of the door. 

‘Bus… _Delia_.’ Patsy said louder, more firm, and that did the trick. For a split second, Patsy realized that this was the first time the new kids name had ever been said out loud by her. Patsy immediately liked the way it rolled out of her mouth. It felt pleasant, how it started from the front of her mouth and ended in the back. The name itself was actually quite pretty, she thought, before blinking rapidly and pulling herself back into the moment. 

Delia shot up in her seat, the chair rolling back noisily on the floor. There was a piece of paper stuck to her face as she looked around confused momentarily, gathering her bearings. 

‘Mm... ‘ Delia mumbled, blinking her eyes open, plucking the piece of paper from her face and placing it back in the file she had been sleeping on, ‘Sorry,’ she said tiredly. 

‘Busby, what are you doing here?’ Patsy asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Delia took a deep breath before responding, ‘Your instructions on the first day were to not leave until you say,’ she said blithely, seemingly disinterested in meeting Patsy’s eyes.

Patsy smirked, ‘So what, you were just going to sleep here all night if I never came back?’ 

Patsy watched on as Delia reached up and let down her hair from her ponytail and fall around her shoulders. She ran her fingers through the dark strands, fluffing out her hair before pulling it back and situating it into a neat ponytail again. The sight absolutely hypnotized Patsy. 

Delia was… _pretty_. Her name was pretty. _She_ was pretty. Patsy’s gaze remained fixed on the girl, her expression mesmerized until the younger woman stood from the chair, fussing with the files on the desk. 

‘Sorry about the mess,’ she said, ignoring Patsy's question, and she began stacking the files into a neat pile. 

‘Busby, just,’ Patsy cleared her throat, feeling her face grow hot, ‘leave it for the morning. Go home.’

Patsy felt herself sigh, exhausted. All she wanted to do was go home herself and try to get some sleep, and if the kid wasn’t going to leave until she did, then she would need to force her out. 

Delia paused and looked at Patsy, finally. 

‘Really,’ Patsy insisted, ‘it’s fine.’ 

Delia stopped what she was doing and exited the office, and Patsy couldn’t help but notice that the girl had cuffed her trousers as she watched her walk down the corridor to the back room. 

Patsy flicked off the light and closed the door to her office, turning to follow Delia. The girl was already rummaging through her things when Patsy entered the back room. 

‘Listen,’ Patsy began tiredly, ‘since you stayed late this evening, just… take the morning off. Come in ‘round 10.’ 

‘Will you be coming in late, too?’ Delia asked, moving to pull on her coat. 

Patsy shook her head, ‘No, I’ll be in first thing.’ 

Delia zipped up her coat and shuffled with her rucksack, ‘Then I’ll be in first thing, too.’ 

Patsy raised an eyebrow, ‘Busby, you don’t-’

‘It’s alright Nurse Mount,’ Delia said, her tone firm, ‘I’ll be in at 7 like everyone else.’ 

Patsy blinked, mildly impressed with the girls professionalism. She even thought her insistence to work long hours showed a sign of integrity and work ethic she didn't think he girl had. Patsy almost felt like she could hold a shred of respect for the kid. 

Patsy looked to the back door, knowing the gloomy pitch black of the winter night was waiting for the two of them on the other side. She turned back to Delia as the girl zipped up her rucksack.

‘It’s late,' Patsy sighed, 'Will you be safe getting home?’ 

Delia scowled at her as she hitched her rucksack over her shoulder. 

‘What do you care?’ she said, leaving Patsy rather stunned and speechless as she turned and exited through the back without waiting for a response. 

Patsy simply looked at the door as it clicked shut after her. The comment stung deep in her chest for reasons unknown to her, but the kid was right. What _did_ she care? She wanted nothing to do with her. Why should she give a fuck about her. At all. 

Patsy zipped up her coat, grabbed her things, and locked up behind her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my mother and former drill sergeant for inspiration for Patsy's tantrums this chapter.  
> 
>
>> _He trailed off after catching sight of the two nurses in front of him glowering, their eyes narrowed and lips pursed in absolute revulsion that a man was speaking._
> 
>   
>  This sentence brought to you by [this dang picture](https://78.media.tumblr.com/41ad57948fdc59440b3db84ab8666ff6/tumblr_of5j63mU8T1topmw8o1_540.png) I kept seeing on Tumblr all week.
> 
> I know this story is supposed to be a big angsty angst ball of pure angst, but I can't help but think of Patsy as Michael Scott [in this moment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31g0YE61PLQ) when she's in the office being told the news of her impending trip. 
> 
> So! Whose feeling up for a road trip across the UK? Stay tuned next week to see if they can make it without killing one another!
> 
>  
> 
> [Doodle!](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-2-756393235?ga_submit_new=10%3A1532620253&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1&ga_recent=1)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please be seated and buckle up as our trip may experience some turbulence...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it snows a lot in Scotland, and I don't care. This is fiction, work with me, people. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter include being mean to Delia, and hinting at a bit of child abuse.

Patsy paced in Juliennes office impatiently on Thursday morning as the woman settled in for her workday, sipping her tea and turning on her computer while she shuffled through papers containing information that Patsy needed for this, what she presumed to be a long, arduous roadtrip with the new nurse. Patsy chewed on her thumbnail nervously thinking about sharing such close quarters with the kid for such a long amount of time. 

‘I don’t suppose there was enough in the budget for seperate rooms at the hotel then, hmm?’ Patsy asked with a resentful glance to Julienne. The woman merely smirked as she opened a drawer and pulled out a set of keys. 

‘Now remember Nurse Mount, no smoking in the company car,’ Julienne smiled a little too sweetly. 

Patsy merely glared as she held out her hand to receive the keys and a pamphlet with the conference schedule. Patsy turned to leave when she was approached by Nurse Crane, the woman blocking her path. 

‘Have you got the notes Mrs. Turner sent?’ she asked, clasping her hands behind her back, smiling expectantly.

‘Yes, I have them’ Patsy said, rolling her eyes and feeling much like a child being accosted by parents before a big exam. 

‘Well good,’ Phyllis said, standing aside to let Patsy pass, ‘Remember, Patsy, your actions at the conference are a direct reflection on us here at the clinic.’

Patsy looked back at her nonplussed. 

‘Please do try to be on your best behaviour,’ Phyllis finished with a tight smile and a warning glare to Patsy. 

‘Seeing as I have the highest reviews of all the nurses here, I’ll just be myself then, yeah?’ Patsy quipped smartly as she breezed past Phyllis, the woman's smile turning to a tight line across her face. 

Patsy walked to the back room, grabbing her rucksack before heading out the back door. The other nurses hadn’t yet arrived for their shift and Patsy was rather relieved for that, not wanting to hear any comments concerning her state of casual dress. Come to think, she didn’t suppose any of them had ever seen her in anything but scrubs, and where she was concerned, she wanted to keep it that way. 

She paused for a moment to light up a cigarette while she waited for the kid to show. Her breath puffed in thick clouds over her head as she flicked the lighter over and over until a flame caught. She lit her cigarette and slowly inhaled, pulling the smoke and tobacco deep into her lungs so hard it burned, and it made her feel warm for a moment. As she exhaled, a figure approaching caught her eye and she looked over, watching them move towards her, their footsteps crunching in the dirty snow. It was Delia, and the girl was wearing a sensible pair of boots with jeans, a puffy black down coat and beanie with her hair down around her shoulders, a black duffle bag with what Patsy could only assume was full of a weekend's worth of clothing draped over her shoulder. Patsy’s heart thumped in her chest at the sight of the woman walking towards her, and she decided that she liked Delia’s hair down long, though she worked hard to suppress such thoughts, a pain within her spreading from her heart throughout her chest like someone cracking ice as she worked to push that affectionate thought deep down within her. Patsy looked down and sucked on her cigarette hard, pretending not to notice the girl approaching. 

‘Wow,’ Delia quipped, and Patsy looked up to see the smaller woman giving her a once over. 

‘What?’ Patsy asked, making an ‘O’ with her mouth and exhaling a long line of smoke as she looked back at Delia curiously. 

‘Didn’t know you were one of those hipsters who looked like they lived in the woods,’ she teased with a smirk, shifting slightly to adjust the duffle bag over her shoulder. 

Patsy let out a breath of air that was between a sigh and a laugh as she looked away and wrapped her lips around her cigarette again, pulling the smoke in deep into her lungs, trying to ignore the flutter in her chest at the attention the smaller woman was giving her. She looked down at the red and black flannel shirt she had buttoned all the way up and her black jeans, neatly covered by a double layer of a black zip hoodie and dark blue down coat over top. 

The last few days, Patsy had felt rather strange. She had noticed a change in the new kid. Delia didn’t cower in her presence anymore, she seemed nonplussed when she shouted and lost her temper, she talked back with an intelligent and quick wit that Patsy actually appreciated. Even if she still hadn’t gotten the hang of the job, Patsy was finding she quite liked having the kid reply to her criticisms with smartass remarks. For once someone was standing up to Patsy and she found it quite amusing. She was beginning to like having the smaller nurse around. 

She would never go so far as to call Delia a friend. Merely someone who she could tolerate. This morning seemed no different, and Patsy wasn’t quite dreading the day-long ride in the car with her as much as she did a few days ago when first informed of the trip. 

‘Hipster?’ Patsy asked, eyeing Delia down and up again, ‘You’re one to talk with that beanie and north face coat.’ 

Before Delia could respond, Patsy looked over at the sound of footsteps and spotted Trixie walking towards them from the direction of the underground station, her shoulders hunched and her hands in the pockets of her coat as she rushed towards the clinic. 

‘Oi, Trix,’ Patsy called, the blonde looking over to her, ‘Come here a minute, would you?’ 

‘Morning to you, too,’ Trixie quipped smartly as she approached. 

Patsy merely grunted a response as she fumbled with her ring of keys, ‘Do me a favor and check in on George for me while I’m gone, would you? I left him some food but he’ll need a cuddle or two while I’m out.’ 

‘Oh, alright,’ Trixie sighed, her breath escaping her mouth in the form of a white puff, ‘anything for George. You know I can’t resist that little sweetheart,’ she finished as Patsy placed the key to her flat in her hand. 

‘Appreciate it,’ Patsy said, ‘I’ll bring you back some genuine heather honey for your troubles.’ 

Trixie smiled happily at the thought of the Scottish honey being brought back for her. She turned to Delia and waved, wishing the two happy travels before scurrying off into the clinic and out of the cold. 

Patsy took one last drag of her cigarette before chucking it into the receptacle, and walked in the direction of the car, a small blue honda civic. It was old, but reliable. Patsy knew it didn’t have the bells and whistles that someone as young as Delia would expect, but she decided she would give the younger woman a hard time if she mentioned anything. 

Patsy took the keys and opened the boot so they could chuck their things in. 

‘George?’ Delia asked, her eyebrow raised curiously. 

‘Cat,’ Patsy simply said as she placed her rucksack in the boot. 

‘Huh,’ Delia simply grunted as she threw her duffle bag in with Patsy’s rucksack. 

Patsy closed the boot and looked at Delia, ‘What?’ 

Delia shrugged, ‘Nothing, it’s just… cat… flannel…’ 

‘Implying something, Busby?’ Patsy raised a challenging eyebrow even though she knew where Delia was going with this. 

‘No!’ Delia shrugged and tried to conceal a smirk, ‘I just think you’re ticking off a lot of boxes, is all.’ 

Patsy rested a hand on the boot of the car, her other hand on her hip, ‘Mmm, quite. Well, you’re the one bringing up boxes, so...’ she trailed off, batting her eyelashes innocently. 

Delia blushed and rolled her eyes, ‘Yes well…’ Delia cleared her throat, ‘additionally, it’s hard for me to imagine you having the emotional capacity to be affectionate with another living creature.’ 

‘Get in the fucking car,’ Patsy said over the sound of Delia chuckling. 

The two settled into the car with Patsy behind the wheel, starting it with a wary chugging noise, the car finally turning over and the heat blasting through the vents, much to their relief. 

‘OK, um…’ Patsy looked down at her feet and bit her lip. She had two feet and there were three pedals. She racked her brain trying to remember what to do since the last time she had driven a car. 

‘Uh… do you want me to drive?’ Delia asked, looking curiously at Patsy from her spot in the passenger's seat. 

‘No, I can do it. It’s just been a while…’ Patsy said as she pushed her foot down on the gas pedal.

‘No, Patsy you-’ Delia cut herself off as the car suddenly shut itself off. 

‘Oh, bugger it all,’ Patsy muttered under her breath as she turned the keys in the ignition again, the car wheezing and sputtering slightly before turning over and starting, which concerned Patsy but it went ignored for the time being. 

‘Let me try again,’ she said, pressing down on the clutch first this time and maneuvering the joystick, except she went to gear 5 immediately instead of 2 and the car jerked violently and shut itself off again. 

‘Fucking hell,’ Patsy muttered again. She could feel herself breaking out into a cold sweat despite the freezing temperatures outside. She knew Delia was watching and she didn’t want to seem like she had no idea what she was doing… even though she didn’t. 

‘Why don't I drive?’ Delia offered softly, looking pleadingly to Patsy, ‘I can at least get us out of the city. It’s easier to maneuver once you’re out in the country.’ 

Patsy gave an annoyed sigh, her pride hurt slightly at failing to get the car out of the bloody alley, but she relented and moved to get out of the car. The two switched seats and Patsy silently marveled at how comfortable Delia seemed, her feet working in tandem with her arm as she shifted gears with ease, practically moving the joystick with her index finger as they made their way out of the back alleys of Poplar and onto the major highways leading out of the city. 

‘How did you learn to drive?’ Patsy asked as she continued to watch Delia. 

Delia raised an eyebrow at her, a tight smile forming across her face, ‘What’s the matter, Nurse Mount, surprised to find I’m not so useless after all?’

The comment dug into Patsy’s chest painfully, and she could feel herself grow red in the face, her jaw clenching. 

‘Never mind,’ Patsy seethed, crossing her arms stubbornly and leaning back in her seat, looking out the window. 

Delia smirked, ‘Well, it’s a necessity where I’m from, isn’t it. Not like there’s an abundance of public transit out in Pembrokeshire, is there.’ 

Patsy grunted, no longer particularly interested in engaging in any kind of conversation with the junior nurse. She reached over to turn on the radio and turned the station to the news, filling the silence between them with the morning's headlines. Patsy leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes as she steadied her breathing. The docile tones of the BBC reporter had her growing tired, and eventually, along with the heat and the steady thrum of the engine as they drove, she was lured to sleep.

* * *

Patsy woke a few hours later to the sounds of pop music crackling over the radio, sounding like it was struggling to pick up the signal. Delia was tapping her fingers along to the music and humming softly as she drove. Patsy found the sight rather endearing. 

She sat up and unzipped her coat, feeling hot all of a sudden. 

‘Where are we?’ Patsy asked groggily, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes before she ran her fingers through her hair, pulling the red locks back into a ponytail. 

Delia looked over to her dismissively and turned back to the road, ‘Just outside of York, I think. Been driving about three hours now. I’d very much like a chance to stretch my legs, if you don’t mind. Maybe grab a spot of lunch somewhere.’ 

Patsy hummed, thinking that she could also use a break to use the toilet and have a cigarette. 

‘Sounds good,’ she said quietly, resting her chin in her hand as she gazed out the window while Delia pulled them off the highway into a rest stop.

Delia pulled up next to a pump and filled up the gas tank while Patsy used the toilet, exiting the bathrooms when she was done to smoke a cigarette. She watched as Delia pulled the car into a parking spot nearby and looked over to her as she exited the car. 

‘You want something to eat?’ 

‘You offering?’ Patsy asked, genuinely surprised, her cigarette bobbing up and down between her lips as she spoke. 

‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ Delia quipped smartly, ‘They’re comping us, remember? Figured I’d just order our food together to save us time.’ 

Patsy felt the swell in her chest deflate a little as she glared off into the distance and sucked on her cigarette. Little flurries of snow began to scatter around her as she exhaled a line of smoke. 

‘Sure,’ she mumbled, ‘just… order two of whatever you’re having. I don’t care.’ 

‘Fish and chips, then,’ Delia said with a smile, turning on her heel and entering the rest stop, leaving Patsy alone to smoke her cigarette. 

Patsy squeezed her eyes shut tight and tapped her forehead with her finger, ‘Knock it off you fucking idiot, she hates you. You don’t even like her,’ she said out loud to herself quietly. Patsy looked up at the flurries falling around her gloomily, taking one last drag of her cigarette before tossing it into the receptacle. She shivered and hugged her coat close to her before entering the rest stop, where she spotted Delia already seated at a booth with a soft drink, scrolling through her phone. 

Patsy slid into the seat across from her silently, crossing her arms as she looked anywhere but at the girl sitting across from her. 

‘So,’ Delia started, looking at Patsy curiously, ‘George, huh?’ she asked, her eyes wide and innocent as she wrapped her lips around the straw of her drink. 

Patsy raised an eyebrow, ‘Still on about that?’

‘Well I would have asked earlier but you basically fell asleep as soon as we took off.’ 

Patsy grunted an acknowledgement, giving a tired sigh, ‘What about him?’ 

Delia shrugged, ‘What’s he like? Do you have a picture?’ 

‘A picture?’ Patsy repeated, ‘Do I have a picture of my cat?’ 

‘Yeah, you know, like on your phone?’ Delia said with a slight smirk. 

‘Yes, but why do you want to see a picture of my cat?’ 

‘Because I like animals?’ Delia looked away awkwardly, looking back to her phone, ‘Forget I asked, sheesh,’ she said, taking a sip of her drink again, ‘...more of a dog person anyway,’ she mumbled. 

Patsy blushed, feeling a bit bristled that Delia wanted to know _anything_ at all about her personal life outside of work. She felt embarrassed for reacting so incredulously. 

An attendant called out a number and Delia moved to get up, ‘Oh, that’s us,’ she said. 

Patsy stopped her, ‘I got it,’ she said, thankful for the excuse to break the awkward moment, and jumped up before Delia could move any further. She grabbed their baskets of fried food from the counter with and returned to the table. Delia took a small cup and Patsy watched as she filled it with mayonnaise and vinegar, stirring it around with a chip before munching on the mixture happily. 

‘Yuck,’ Patsy commented with a grimace. 

‘Are you judging _my_ unhealthy habits Miss Sucks Down A Pack A Day?’ Delia quipped, dipping another chip into the mixture and tossing it into her mouth with an innocent glance to the redhead across from her. 

Patsy merely rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. She opened the photo app and pulled up a picture of George, the grey cat having been caught squinting with the tip of his tongue out. Patsy flashed her phone to Delia who burst out laughing at the photo. 

‘Oh my god, what a precious little face!’ 

Patsy couldn’t help but feel the tightness in her chest dissipate slightly as she watched the dimples appear on Delia’s cheeks. Something about being the reason she was smiling for once instead of making the girl miserable made Patsy want to do it more. 

Patsy looked back at her phone, her finger swiping the screen to pull up the next photo. 

‘I loved his face in this one so much I photoshopped him with the galaxy in the background,’ Patsy said, showing Delia a picture of George floating in space. 

‘That’s hilarious,’ Delia said as she looked at the picture, laughing as heartily as she did at the first photo. 

Patsy couldn't help but join her, finding her laughter contagious, and really, it was a rather funny photo of George. It made her happy. She looked from the photo to Delia, catching the younger woman looking at her. 

‘Hmm?’ Patsy said, raising an eyebrow as her smile faded, ‘What?’ 

Delia blinked and looked away immediately, shaking her head. Patsy couldn’t help but notice the slight blush that feathered across her cheeks. 

‘Nothing,’ Delia said, grabbing the bottle of vinegar, ‘How did you come to have him? Did you adopt?’ Delia asked conversationally as she peppered her fried fish with vinegar. 

Patsy leaned back in her seat and looked up in thought, ‘Um, no, actually. I heard a racket on my balcony one evening and there he was. Must have climbed up there and gotten stuck,’ Patsy sighed, thinking back on that summer evening when she returned from work to find George meowing loud enough to wake the dead, ‘at any rate, I left him some food and water, thinking he would scurry off eventually, but he never did. Managed to work his way into my heart and we never looked back. He’s been a happy and fat house cat ever since.’

Patsy looked back at Delia just in time to catch the younger woman reaching over the table to snatch one of her chips. 

‘Oi!’ Patsy said, sitting up straight in her seat, pretending to be offended. 

‘They’re getting cold,’ Delia said innocently. 

‘Well you’ve got me talking, haven’t ya,’ Patsy said, and she reached over the table to snatch one of Delia’s chips.

‘Ah!’ Delia exclaimed, and grasped onto Patsy’s wrist before her sleeve dipped into her mayo and vinegar mixture, ‘Watch out now, you’ve almost made a mess!’ 

Patsy gasped and quickly jerked her hand away, her heart pounding in her chest as she checked the button on her sleeve with her other hand to make sure it was still intact. 

She caught Delia looking at her rather curiously and she let out a deep breath, her face growing hot. 

‘You startled me,’ Patsy said feebly, tucking both her hands under the table and out of view. She could barely hear herself speak over the thumping of her pulse in her ears. 

‘Sorry…’ Delia said, staring at Patsy with a mixture of confusion and concern. 

Patsy cleared her throat and looked down, doing her best to ignore the fact that Delia was still staring at her. She broke up the fish in the basket in front of her with her fingers as she struggled to think of anything to say to move on from the moment. 

‘Um, you…’ she started feebly before finding her voice, ‘You said you were a dog person?’ 

Delia beamed and the rest of their meal with filled with happy tales of her pets back home in Pembrokeshire.

* * *

Once they left the rest stop, Patsy was behind the wheel again and had a much easier time getting the car to actually go after having spent the earlier part of the morning watching Delia do it. They settled onto the road, back on the major highways feeling good with full bellies and a full tank of petrol to keep them going. Patsy was finding herself quite relaxed and it made the journey all the more pleasant while Delia napped alongside her. Patsy spent the time quietly letting her mind go blank, listening to the wipers brush off the snow that was falling from the sky as they squeaked against the glass in front of her and landed with a slight thump back in their place, reminding Patsy of a heartbeat. The rolling hills as they drove along were starting to turn white from the flakes that fell from the sky, but none of this concerned Patsy as she continued on in silence, not wanting to fuss with the radio. She rolled a toothpick over in her mouth, one she picked up at the rest stop, and chewed on it, merely using it as a way to keep herself from pulling over and having a cigarette or two every hour. 

About three more hours passed and Patsy was relieved to find them finally crossing the border into Scotland, where she drove on through and continued on, Delia finally stirring awake from her spot in the passenger side. 

Patsy’s phone was situated on the dash with the GPS app open, and as soon as they crossed the border the loading screen popped on and the map she had been following to the hotel in Aberdeen disappeared. 

‘Oh, bloody hell,’ Patsy said as she tapped her phone. 

‘Wassa matter?’ Delia said groggily as she straightened up in her seat.

Patsy sighed, ‘Phones gone and lost signal,’ she said, looking over to Delia, ‘can you try yours?’ 

Patsy continued driving forward as Delia shifted and pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, rubbing her eyes as she squinted at the screen. She held her phone up in the air for several seconds before responding. 

‘I’m not getting a signal either.’

Patsy scoffed, ‘Bloody typical.’ 

‘Now, now,’ Delia said, tucking her phone away, ‘I’m sure if we keep heading in the direction where we need to go we’ll get there eventually.’

‘No shit,’ Patsy said annoyed, grinding the toothpick in her mouth with her teeth, ‘any other pearls of wisdom from that smart little head of yours?’ 

Delia rolled her eyes, ‘Look I know you’re just grumpy because the signals gone and you haven’t had a cigarette in what probably feels like a fortnight…’

‘Starting to feel that way, yeah,’ Patsy quipped under her breath. 

‘...but misery loves company and I refuse to keep you company,’ she said with her nose turned in the air. 

‘We’ll go back to sleep then, will you?’ Patsy grumbled. She chewed down on the toothpick in her mouth, growing more and more annoyed at this entire situation. She hated being lost and they were at risk of doing just that. 

‘Nope,’ Delia said, ‘I’ve slept for half the day, I have too much energy now.’

Delia moved to take off her coat and Patsy saw she was wearing a green and yellow plaid flannel. 

‘Oh, what you giving me a hard time for with my outfit, then? You’re practically wearing the same thing as me.’ 

Delia looked down at herself, ‘Huh. You know I was wearing a regular top, but once we crossed into Scotland it must have turned into a tartan,’ Delia grinned. 

‘Oh, fuck off,’ Patsy joked with a small smile. 

Delia smirked, ignoring her, ‘Anyway, unlike you, I actually grew up practically in the wilderness so my flannel is completely weather appropriate,’ Delia smiled as she hugged herself, ‘and it’s cozy.’ 

Patsy rolled her eyes, ‘You didn’t think to assume I was wearing mine because it’s cozy too, hmm?’ 

‘Well if you haven’t mentioned the cat, yeah,’ Delia smirked. 

Patsy grunted and gripped the steering wheel. She really wanted a cigarette. 

‘So?’ Delia asked. 

‘So what?’ 

‘Are you gay?’ 

Patsy bristled, feeling her face grow hot at the bluntness of her question. 

‘What happened to just being a hipster?’ Patsy asked, wanting to avoid answering directly. 

‘You can be both!’ 

‘How am I even a hipster anyway? Don’t they live off trusts but shop at thrift stores?’ 

‘Some, yeah. But you seem to be a more refined hipster with better tastes,’ Delia said bringing her thumb and forefinger to her chin to stroke an imaginary beard, ‘Tell me Patsy, do you listen to records and drink whiskey?’ 

Patsy faltered, looking incredulously at Delia as the smaller woman grinned. 

‘Oh lord, I’ve hit it on the nose, haven’t I?’ 

‘So what? I’m not a hipster because I do none of those things ironically!’ 

‘So just gay then?’ 

Patsy scowled at Delia as she broke out into a cold sweat, ‘Well that’s certainly none of your business.’

‘That’s a yes,’ Delia said smug, leaning back in her seat as if her interrogation had been successful. 

‘Delia, I’m not in the habit of talking about my personal life,’ Patsy nearly growled through grit teeth, gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles were white. 

‘So I’ve noticed.’

‘Well then stop asking about it!’ Patsy snaped. 

‘But why?’ 

‘Why what?’ 

‘What’s so bad about talking about yourself?’ 

‘Because I’m not interested in sharing!’ 

‘But why?’ 

‘Stop asking me that!’

‘Patsy what else are we going to do?!’ Delia asked incredulously, holding her hands out as if to say there was absolutely nothing else going on. 

Patsy growled again, the urge to make that frustrated facial tick overwhelmed her, but she pushed it away. This was precisely the situation she feared where the two of them would be stuck in close quarters in the middle of nowhere with nothing to keep them occupied other than talking. 

Annoyed, Patsy flipped on the radio and scanned the channels until she found something she recognized. Delia scoffed at her choice of music. 

‘Ugh,’ she said, crossing her arms, ‘didn’t know you listened to Dad-rock.’ 

‘This is not _Dad-rock_ , this is The Rolling Stones! It’s classic rock and it’s good! Besides, it’s better than the pop you probably listen to,’ Patsy said, her hands rising in front of her as if about to go on a tirade, ‘The bland, talentless boy bands or that one bloke who thinks he’s Michael Jackson but about a foot smaller.’ 

‘You mean Bruno Mars?’ Delia asked with an eyebrow raised. 

‘Yeah, that’s the chap. Can’t stand him. Can’t stand anyone I’m forced to listen to at the dentist's office,’ Patsy mumbled under her breath. 

Delia rolled her eyes at Patsy’s petulance, ‘Patsy, whatever you happen to catch me listening to on the radio is not indicative of what I listen to on my own.’ 

Sighing, Delia pushed the button on the glovebox and a litany of papers appeared, some sliding off the top of the pile and falling to the floor. This went ignored by Delia and she began shuffling through the contents of the glovebox. 

‘What are you doing?’ Patsy asked, her eyes darting from the road to Delia and back again. 

‘Being nosey,’ Delia said as Patsy heard the girl shuffle through something that sounded like hard plastic clacking together.

Delia pulled out a small rectangular object and held it up close to her face for inspection, ‘What’s this?’ She asked. 

Patsy looked over to her and balked, ‘Delia, that is a _cassette tape_ , my god.’ 

‘I know what a cassette tape is!’ Delia shouted, ‘I just can’t make out the scribbling on the label. Must have been written by you.’ 

Patsy glared at Delia as she snatched the tape from her hands, her eyes narrowing on the label. 

‘It’s Garbage,’ she said, handing the tape back to Delia. 

‘Yeah, but who's the band?’ 

‘Who's the-!’ Patsy was about to go into another tirade until she glanced over to Delia and caught her smirking, eyes narrowed playfully at Patsy. 

Patsy shook her head and rolled the toothpick over in her mouth again as she looked back out into the road, ‘Jokes. The kids got jokes,’ she mumbled to herself before looking back over at Delia who was full on smiling now, ‘You know, I may listen to dad-rock, but you’ve got dad-jokes.’ 

Delia shrugged, ‘So that’s really the name of the band, huh?’ she asked, flipping the tape over and inspecting it. 

‘What, you’ve never heard of them before?’ 

Delia merely shook her head. 

‘Really?’ Patsy asked incredulously, ‘I Think I'm Paranoid? Stupid Girl? I’m Only Happy When It Rains?’ 

‘Wait, are these titles to songs or are you just finally talking about yourself?’ 

Patsy clenched her teeth and gripped the steering wheel tight, trying not to smile at Delia’s snickering in the passenger's seat next to her. 

‘Well, I really walked into that one, didn’t I?’ Patsy griped. 

‘I mean, you set yourself up so easily.’ 

‘Shut it, will ya?’ 

Delia merely giggled and rummaged through the glovebox again, pulling out another cassette tape. She flipped it over and read the label. 

‘What does that one say?’ 

‘Just says 70’s’ 

Patsy looked to the radio that was crackling, struggling to pick up a signal on any station the further away from any cities they drove. 

‘Put it in and let’s see what on it,’ she said, and Delia pushed in the tape. 

The two listened as the tape clicked on the player and the sounds of winding guitars filled the car that Patsy recognized immediately.

‘Oh, brilliant,’ she said, reaching to turn up the volume on the stereo. 

‘What is this?’ Delia asked, her eyebrows furrowing. 

‘You don’t know?’ Patsy asked, looking at Delia with a raised eyebrow, ‘you’re a mockery to the country if you don’t recognize this national treasure.’ 

‘I’m _not_ English.’ Delia seethed, and Patsy blinked, realizing she must have hit a soft spot with the younger woman. 

‘Ah, right… well it’s David Bowie.’ 

Delia shrugged, ‘Oh, well… no wonder I don’t recognize it. Never really been into his stuff.’ 

‘Really?’ 

‘Yes. Is that so hard to believe? I wasn’t raised on it. I don’t listen to it. I don’t know this song and I find it rather boring, actually.’

Patsy looked from Delia to the radio as Bowie’s voice carried through. 

_We can be heroes... just for one day_

‘But,’ Patsy looked back at Delia, ‘it’s so good!’ 

Delia rolled her eyes, ‘Let’s see what else is on the tape,’ she said, her finger reaching out and pressing hard on the fast forward button. A strange whirring noise emitted from the stereo and the two women in the car stared at it as it clicked loudly and surprised both of them as the stereo sparked and spit out the cassette, the black tape spilling out, unfurling and knotting within itself. 

Patsy gave an exasperated sigh, glaring at Delia, ‘Thanks a lot,’ she seethed, ‘you just destroyed the one thing I found tolerable about this stupid bloody trip.’ 

Delia looked back at Patsy angrily, letting out a frustrated sigh herself, ‘Tolerable, huh?’ she repeated, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms, looking out the window before shaking her head and looking back to Patsy, the redheads gaze fixed firmly on the road as she gripped the steering wheel. 

‘You don’t find me tolerable, then, hmm? Still just putting up with me because you’re forced to?’ 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever made myself unclear as to how I feel about you, Busby.’ Patsy seethed, her eyebrows furrowing as she felt an anger rise up within her chest. She wondered if Delia would notice she reverted to referring to her by her last name, as if putting back up that barrier, warning Delia that she wasn’t interesting in being familiar. With being on a first name basis. Patsy forgot who she was for a moment and went back to being her old cantankerous self, following her own personal rules of keeping others at arm's length. She had been kind to Delia for too long and needed to put her back in her place. 

‘Yes, well at least you’ve got that going for you,’ Delia sneered, ‘you have one emotion and you wear it on your _fucking sleeve_ , I’ll give you that.’ 

‘Glad we can agree on something,’ Patsy replied terse, her gaze locked on the road ahead. 

‘You know Patsy, you are just…’ Delia grit her teeth, frustrated, ‘you are just so…’ 

‘What?’ Patsy challenged, ‘Go on then,’ she said, her voice eerily calm and she continued staring at the road. Patsys pulse thumped noisily in her ears as she felt Delia’s eyes bore into her, ‘I’ve heard it all before,’ she continued, ‘If you’re going to try and insult me or make me feel bad about myself it’s going to take a lot more than whatever it is you’re about to say, I promise you,’ she finished, almost threatening. 

There was a pregnant silence in the cabin of that little car where the two women sat, both breathing heavily through their nose, Delia staring at Patsy and Patsy pointedly staring at the road. The thick tension hanging in the air between the two sat like the humidity that comes before a storm, and it felt as if lightning was about to crack at any second. 

Delia gave another frustrated sigh, looking away. 

‘Fine,’ Delia seethed, ‘Fine…’ She repeated as she rustled through her coat and pulled out a pair of earbud headphones. 

‘What are you-‘

‘Don’t talk to me,’ Delia snapped. 

_Gladly_ , Patsy thought, still clenching her teeth and gripping the steering wheel as hard as she could to prevent herself from taking her fist and beating it against the dash in anger. Patsy watched out of the corner of her eye as Delia plugged the headphones into her phone and situated the buds into her ears, and Patsy could hear the thumping bass of whatever song she was blasting. The smaller woman crossed her arms and leaned against the passengers side door, glaring out the window. 

Patsy focused ahead of her, the snow falling so thick and fast that it looked like they were driving at warp speed, the wipers squeaking against the window and providing that comforting rhythmic thump that reminded Patsy of heartbeat again. Patsy focused on breathing through her nose, slow and steady, trying to calm herself even though she was overwhelmed with the urge to bite herself in frustration. She resolved to grit her teeth instead, forgetting the toothpick was in her mouth. Patsy swore under her breath as the thin piece of wood splintered between her teeth and she spit it out, so desperately wanting a cigarette. 

‘Oh, fuck it all,’ she said, patting the pockets of her coat and digging into her pocket for her pack. 

‘What are you doing?’ Delia said, glaring at Patsy from her side of the car.

‘What the fuck does it look like?’ Patsy said as she pulled a cigarette out of her pack with her teeth. She shoved the pack back into her pocket and pulled out her purple lighter. 

‘You can’t smoke in here, Patsy!’ Delia said sternly. 

‘What are you going to do, tattle on me?’ Patsy asked condescendingly, the cigarette bobbing up and down between her lips as she flicked the lighter and lit her cigarette with the flame. She rolled down the window a crack as she pulled on the cigarette, the smoke burning her throat and making her warm inside. For a split second she felt some relief before the woman next to her began stirring. 

‘Jesus Patsy, you truly are just…’ 

‘What did I just say, Busby,’ Patsy said as she took another long drag of her cigarette, her lips forming an ‘o’ as she blew her smoke out the window. She glared warningly at Delia, ‘None of the terrible things you want to say about me will have any effect, I assure you.’ 

‘I really can’t stand you,’ Delia said, sounding rather defeated. 

‘Likewise,’ Patsy glared at her with clenched teeth as she held her cigarette between her two fingers, ‘Go back to sleep would you?’ she said, placing her cigarette between her lips and took a long drag as she held her gaze on the woman next to her. 

Delia ignored her and turned up her music. 

Patsy averted her gaze to the road in front of her when she noticed an orange light on her dashboard that looked like a petrol pump. How long had that thing been on? 

‘Shit,’ she said, looking around. They were basically alone on the highway that Thursday afternoon, the snow pounding down on them and their surroundings. All she saw was a long stretch of road ahead of her with rolling hills around them, turning from green to white by the moment. 

Patsy scrambled to pick up her phone, tapping the button on the front. It remained black. The bloody thing had turned into a paperweight and Patsy threw it down frustrated. She threw her unfinished cigarette out the window, too. 

‘What’s wrong?’ Delia asked, sensing something was amiss. 

‘Tank is empty, that’s bloody what. Can you lookup the closest station?’ she asked, nodding to Delia’s phone in her hand. 

‘I have absolutely no signal,’ Delia said, removing her headphones and sitting up. 

‘Fuck,’ Patsy seethed as she turned back to the road. How much further were they going to be able to get? 

‘Try pulling off at the next exit. There might be a station nearby,’ Delia said, placing her phone back on her coat pocket. 

Patsys breathing became hard, but steady. Her anxiety was rising by the minute as she clutched tighter and tighter on the steering wheel, but she kept driving. Eventually an exit off the highway approached and she took it, not at all pleased to find that it led them down a long, winding country road. 

‘We should turn back,’ Patsy said.

‘Keep going. There has to be something…’ Delia trailed of hopefully. If there was any worry in her voice she was doing a good job masking it, Patsy thought. 

‘There isn’t…’ Patsy spat exasperated, her nerves on end as they kept going and there was no sign of life anywhere. She noticed there weren’t even tire tracks in the road where the snow had freshly fallen, signaling that no other cars had driven on this road anytime soon. 

Two miles. They made it two more miles down the road before the car slowed and rolled to a complete stop while Patsy had the pedal pushed all the way to the floor, desperately trying to eek out every last drop of petrol in the tank. The two women sat there in silence looking rather defeated as the snow fell around them, piling onto the car and obscuring their view of their surroundings. 

‘Well this is just fucking peachy,’ Patsy griped. 

‘Yeah, a dream come true,’ Delia said, bringing her hand to her face and pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Patsy rounded on Delia, anger evident in her voice, ‘ _Keep going_ , you said. Well a lot of bloody fucking good that did us!’ 

‘How the hell was I supposed to know! You’re as much at fault as I am that we’re in this mess!’ 

Patsy growled and got out of the car, slamming the door in Delia’s face. She zipped up her coat and stomped to the back of the car to pop open the boot, hoping desperately for anything that could possibly help them. She ignored the sound of the passenger car door opening and Delia stepping out. 

‘We could have stopped for petrol ages ago! Why weren’t you paying attention!’ Delia shouted, her voice oddly muted by the blanket of snow around them as she slammed her door. She yanked on her coat and walked over to Patsy. 

‘Because you were busy giving me shit and telling me what a bloody fucking horrible person I am!’ Patsy screamed back, oddly relieved they were out in the middle of nowhere and she could be as loud as she wanted now. 

‘Well I certainly wasn’t wrong about that!’ Delia spat. 

‘Yeah, congrats, Busby,’ Patsy rolled her eyes, ‘you managed to figure out the same bloody thing that everyone else does the moment they meet me! Only difference is it took you almost two weeks, smart girl you are!’ 

‘Oh, fuck you Patsy!’ 

‘Blah, blah, blah!’ Patsy threw up her hands dismissively, signaling she had heard it all before, as she finally popped open the boot, revealing only their bags that they placed in there earlier that morning and a tire iron. 

‘Well at least now I have something I can beat you over the head with,’ Delia quipped. 

‘You really want to be making jokes right now, Busby?’ Patsy said, turning to Delia, ‘especially now that we’re stuck out here in the middle of haggis-fuck Nowhere Scotland!’ she shouted, flailing her arms wildly at the vast empty countryside. 

Patsy placed her hands on her hips, and began to pace, her mind racing as to what to do. No petrol, no phones, no food, and the snow was only coming down with no end in sight. For all intents and purposes, they were fucked. 

‘Of course I’m going to make jokes,’ Delia yelled after her, ‘this whole bloody situation is a joke.’ 

‘Well I’m not fucking laughing,’ Patsy seethed, whirling back around to face Delia, her eyes intense. 

‘Wouldn’t expect you to know how!’ Delia snapped back, ‘You are the most incorrigible, miserable, pathetic excuse of a woman I have ever had the misfortune of meeting!’

‘Oh, _I’m_ a pathetic excuse of a woman?’ Patsy repeated, her eyes growing wide, ‘That’s rich coming from someone who's basically a child! Barely an adult! Someone who's never had a job before now or any _real_ responsibilities in their whole life! How in the bloody hell would you know-’

Patsy was cut off suddenly when she felt a blunt force against her chest that knocked the wind out of her, and she fell backwards, off the road and into the snow. Patsy looked up stunned to see Delia standing over her, her face red with tears threatening to spill over her eyes. 

‘How the bloody hell would _you_ know, _Patsy_ ,’ she seethed through clenched teeth. 

Patsy was paralyzed at the sight before her. Despite Delia’s short stature, the woman commanded such power in the moment and Patsy was stunned into submission, unable to speak or move. 

‘What’s even a _real_ responsibility to you, anyway, hmm?’ Delia continued, ‘Does being the oldest of five count? Having to make sure my brothers were washed and dressed and out the door every morning with a full stomach while I should have been studying for my A-levels? Does that count?! Looking after them all hours of the day and night so my parents could work however many jobs they could to keep a _bloody_ roof over our heads? _Does that fucking count, Patsy_?!’ 

Patsy merely blinked, her jaw slack as she gazed up dumbfounded at Delia. 

Delia shook her head, looking disgusted at the sight beneath her, ‘I would have loved to have had a job like some normal teenager, performing some act that you seem to think is _beneath_ you. ‘ _Flipping burgers_ ’, indeed. At least if I had, I would have had some pocket money or wouldn't have had to go to bed hungry as often as I did, making sure my brothers had enough to eat. Have _you_ ever had to hold crying child to sleep at night because they’re in pain? Because they’re hungry and there’s nothing you can do about it?! Do you know what that’s like Patsy!? It’s torture!’ 

‘I… Delia I didn’t know-,’ Patsy began feebly before Delia cut her off. 

‘How could you have known?!’ Delia shouted her hands gesturing wildly at her sides, ‘Never have you once _ever_ bothered to even ask me anything about myself, you _selfish cunt_!’ Delia emphasized her grief by kicking some freshly fallen snow in Patsy’s direction, the woman on the ground raising her hand to cover her face. 

‘Delia, I’m sorry-,’ Patsy tried again, louder, hoping Delia would hear the sincerity in her voice, see it in her expression. 

‘Save it!’ Delia cried shrilly, ‘Just fucking save it, Patsy, because I know you don’t mean it!’ 

Delia’s fists were clenched and she was shaking, the tears that had threatened to pour out over her eyes were now rolling fat and heavy down her cheeks and dripped off her chin. 

‘I’ve practically raised four boys. When you asked me if I ever held a baby before, I had never felt so insulted in all my life. I ran away thinking I couldn't let you see me cry. I didn’t want to give you that power but now I just don’t care. I don’t care anymore. You _need_ to see this Patsy!’ Delia shouted, pointing to her face, her tears, ‘It’s terrible and demeaning but you need to see the effect you have! _Your words matter_! And all you do is use them to hurt others who don’t deserve it!’

‘Delia,’ Patsy pleaded, moving to rise, but Delia moved forward and brought both hands to Patsy’s chest, pushing her back down in the snow. 

‘No!’ she cried, ‘I need you to know that _I hate you_ , Patience Mount! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,’ she seethed, her whole body shaking as more tears dropped from her chin, ‘I absolutely hate you with every fibre of my being and I want _nothing_ to do with you!’ 

Delia harshly wiped her tears away, and Patsy could only watch on silently as she reached into the boot and hitched her duffle bag over her shoulder. 

Patsy sighed, letting out a deep breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding in as Delia began walking off in the direction they had come. Patsy closed her eyes, and all the tension that she had been holding onto whenever Delia was close evaporated, melting away bit by bit with every breath she breathed, only to be replaced with waves of regret, coursing through her body. She ached all over because of it. The image of Delia’s red, tear soaked face flashed in front of Patsy, the woman wishing now to have the power to do anything to reverse it. She couldn’t though. Her own selfish, inconsiderate behavior had pushed the girl too far. Delia hated her, and that fact sunk deep into her heart and stung, and she knew she deserved it. She had been horrible and now all she wanted to do was make it right. She didn’t know how but she needed to try. 

Patsy opened her eyes and they landed on Delia growing smaller and smaller as she walked further down the road. She couldn’t let Delia walk off alone into the Scottish countryside while a snow storm barreled through. 

‘Delia!’ Patsy called out after her, finally rising to her feet. She brushed herself off and reached into the boot of the car, grabbing her rucksack and slamming the boot shut. She hitched her bag over her shoulders and began trotting over to Delia. 

‘Stay the fuck away from me, Patsy!’ Delia shouted, not bothering to turn around, and Patsy slowed down, still following the shorter brunette but keeping her distance. 

Patsy kept her eyes at the back of Delia as they walked, watching as she brought her hand to her face every so often, and Patsy’s heart sank even further in her chest realizing that Delia was still crying. 

The snow was falling harder, and thicker. Patsy looked down to see their tire tracks were good as gone under the freshly fallen snow. 

A noise caused Patsy to look up at Delia, the girl suddenly falling to the ground with a yelp, her foot looking as if it was caught in something buried in the snow. Throwing caution to the wind, Patsy approached her and kneeled down beside a groaning Delia. 

‘No! Don’t touch me!’ Delia shouted, pushing her away, and Patsy tried to ignore the absolutely pained expression on her face, her red eyes and cheeks, the tears that were still falling, all because of her. 

‘Delia, what happened?’ Patsy said, ignoring the girls strife, ‘Are you hurt?’ 

Of course she’s hurt, you fool. You did this. Patsy thought to herself sourly. 

‘Get away from me!’ Delia cried shrilly, pushing against Patsy with all her might. Patsy merely rolled her shoulder with the punches as they came. 

‘It’s alright Delia, let it out. I can take it,’ Patsy said softly. 

Delia merely hiccuped. 

‘Go on, you need to hit me, hit me. I deserve it, go on,’ Patsy pleaded in the same soft, reassuring tone, letting out a deep sigh, her brows furrowing in a kind of relieved pain as she felt Delia give her one good solid punch on her chest, just above her heart. 

Delia’s fists clenched onto Patsy’s coat, her head bowing to the ground as more and more tears fell, dissolving the snow between them. 

Patsy let her cry, her heart heavy as she slowly reached up to grasp Delia by her elbows. She looked up and out at the sky, feeling like the snow was unrelenting and it was growing darker by the second. Patsy turned her attention back to Delia and looked at her stern, but pleadingly. 

‘What happened?’ she asked softly. 

Delia shook her head, pushing Patsy away and moving to stand up. 

Patsy rose with her, keeping a careful eye on the smaller women's movements.

Once Delia rose to her full height, she shifted her duffle bag and attempted to walk, but faltered, stumbling and almost falling again until Patsy leapt forward and caught her by the arm. 

‘Let go of me!’ Delia cried, pulling away from Patsy and stumbling. Patsy only reached out again to catch her, preventing her from falling again.

‘Your ankle’s hurt, isn’t it?’ Patsy asked. 

‘Fuck off,’ Delia said, moving to hobble forward. 

Patsy followed, looking to Delia expectantly, ‘Is it sprained?’ she asked. 

Delia merely glowered, still not able to meet Patsy’s eyes, but with her silence, Patsy knew the answer. 

Patsy grasped onto Delia’s coat and fought against the smaller woman shoving her away. 

‘I said fuck off, Patsy! Let go of me!’ 

‘No,’ Patsy said firmly, using all her strength to plant her feet in the ground and hold on as the smaller woman pushed against her. 

‘Now listen,’ Patsy said through grit teeth, her grip on the smaller woman tightening as Delia fought to release herself from her grasp, ‘you hate me but I _don’t_ hate you. If you need to hit me or punch me or do whatever you need to get it out of your system then go ahead. I don’t care how many times you knock me to the ground, I’m going to get back to my feet every time and keep trying to help you until the both of us are safe and out of this storm and you’re taken care of, you understand?’ 

Delia didn’t answer. She simply glowered at Patsy and the redhead chastised herself for merely thinking Delia’s blue eyes looked like the most beautiful crystal she had ever seen in that moment. Her heart ached painfully in her chest as she reminded herself that she was the bloody fool that made the woman in her arms so upset for her own selfish reasons. 

‘So go on then. I can take it, Get it out,’ Patsy pleaded, ‘just hit me until you tire yourself out.’ 

‘I don’t want to hit you,’ Delia cried, more tears rolling down her face as she blinked, ‘I just want you to disappear.’

The muscles in Patsy's jaw clenched tight, the girls words hurting her more for some reason than any kind of hit or punch could have. 

‘If I could, I would,’ Patsy said, her brows furrowing as she gazed intensely at Delia, doing her best to convey how much she meant it, ‘but for now I need you to swallow your pride and let me help you.’ 

Patsy finally let go and backed away, situating her rucksack so it sat against her front. In one swift motion, Patsy grasped both of Delia’s arms and turned around, bending slightly to hoist the smaller woman on to her back, her hands working quickly to wrap Delia’s legs around her waist. 

‘I think I saw a house about a mile back,’ Patsy said as she hoisted Delia up on her back a little higher, her hands reaching behind to interlock under Delia’s bum, ‘with any luck they’ll let us at least use their phone.’

Patsy began walking, the crunching of the snow under her footsteps was accompanied by the sound of Delia sniffling in her ear as she continued to cry, her face buried in Patsy's shoulder as her tears were soaked up by the cotton of Patsy's hooded jacket underneath her coat. Patsy continued on in silence, her heart weighing heavily in her chest more than she had ever remembered it feeling so before as the sounds of Delia’s soft, defeated whimpering were etched into her mind.

* * *

Patsy was exhausted by the time they reached the house she mentioned, never having remembered any time where she was pushed so hard physically. Red faced and puffing, she pushed herself to carry Delia all the way up the long drive to the front of the house. 

It was a simple cabin. It looked like a hunting lodge with a small detached storage shed close by. Patsy looked around and saw no cars. No sign of life other than her and Delia. The lake and rolling hills in the background painted a picturesque scene, but it went unnoticed by Patsy as her main priority was getting Delia inside and out of the elements. 

Patsy gently placed Delia to her feet, allowing for the smaller woman to stand on her good foot and lean against a wooden pillar as Patsy walked the length of the porch, cupping her hands over her eyes to peek through the dark windows. 

The interior looked simple, from what she could see in the dim light. An open kitchen, pots and pans and other utensils hanging from hooks in the ceiling above the stove, a dining area with a small table. There was a lounge with a small television and bookshelves along the walls filled with games and VHS tapes. Patsy reckoned this was someone’s holiday home, but from the looks of it, it was more for the summer than the dead of winter like it was. 

Patsy walked to the front door and turned the knob. It was definitely locked. She looked back at Delia who merely glared. 

‘It was worth a shot.’ 

Patsy checked the windows, too, pushing against them to see if they would rise, and thankfully one did, squeaking against the hinges noisily as she worked her fingers under the bottom and hoisted the window open as far as it would go. She threw her rucksack inside and bent down to awkwardly climb in, taking solace in the fact that she was probably giving Delia good blackmail material for when they returned to the clinic, however and whenever they returned. Patsy stood up straight when she could, walking over to the front door, unbolting and unlocking the door and swinging it wide open. She stepped back outside to help Delia into the lounge, taking her arm over her shoulder, a firm grasp around her waist with her other arm as she guided her through the door. She helped Delia toss her duffel bag aside and gently settle in on the sofa in the lounge, kneeling before her and working to take off her boot. 

‘I can do it,’ Delia said, her voice stern. 

Patsy ignored her and eased her boot off, cradling Delia’s foot in her hand as she gently squeezed her ankle with the other checking for swelling. 

Delia gasped, wincing slightly in pain. 

‘Sorry,’ Patsy said, her tone all business, ‘I just needed to check how far along the swelling was. I’ll see if I can find any anti-inflammatories. We should get your leg elevated in the meantime.’ 

She then removed Delia’s other boot, gently cradling and guiding both of her legs to rest on the sofa. 

Patsy spotted a throw blanket on a recliner and grabbed it, shaking it out before throwing it over Delia’s legs, tucking it firmly under her to keep her body heat in. 

Patsy stood back and looked around. 

Alright. Priorities. What were her priorities? 

Make sure Delia was safe. Check. 

The inside of the cabin was rather dark and dreary. Patsy noted to herself that she would need to spend some time cleaning everything, her eyes catching cobwebs in every corner of the room, signaling to her that it had been several weeks or months since anyone had been here.

She decided she would work to make Delia as comfortable as possible before she went on a cleaning spree, looking around to see what could be done about making the place a bit more homey. 

Patsy spotted a lamp on the end table nearby. She turned the switch and it flickered to life, filling the corner with a soft golden glow. Patsy quickly walked around the house turning on all the lights, thankful that whomever owned this place kept the power on. Patsy discovered there was only one bedroom with a queen bed and chest of drawers, and across the hall was one full bathroom with a tub. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the sink when she turned on the light. Her cheeks were red from the cold and her hair was messily falling around her face in thick tendrils from her ponytail. She looked a right mess and she sneered at her reflection before moving on. 

She walked back to the kitchen, curious to know if the water was still on, and her question was answered when she turned the handle on the sink and a stream of cold water sputtered out before it ran smoothly. Patsy looked around, noisily opening all the cupboards and drawers to see what was there. There was no electric kettle, but Patsy found a ceramic one sitting on the stove, the spice rack above having a few packets of Yorkshire tea stuffed between the cumin and oregano. She filled the kettle with water and turned on the burner on the stove. It clicked several times before it flickered to life. She set the kettle on the flame and let it warm, and returned to the lounge to see Delia looking at her curiously. 

‘I’m heating some water for tea,’ Patsy explained, looking around a bit more as she brought her hands to her mouth and blew on them for warmth. 

She looked back down at Delia who still looked rather miserable, the smaller woman’s breath could be seen escaping from her nose due to the cold temperature in the cabin. 

‘I’ll see if I can get the heat going,’ she said softly, looking around and spotting a fireplace. There was a basket of dried logs and long matches by the hearth. She went over to inspect, removing her coat and tossing it on the recliner before kneeling down next to the hearth and opening the glass panes. She covered her nose and mouth with her shirt as she opened the floo. As expected, some black and brown debris fell through but once it cleared, Patsy stuck her hand through and felt a draft, indicating that the chimney wasn’t blocked. 

‘Do you…,’ Delia started, sounding rather bashful, ‘Can I help in any way?’ 

Patsy looked back at her and shook her head, ‘No, you don’t need to do anything, just rest,’ she said softly, ‘I’ll take care of everything.’ 

Patsy spotted a stack of old newspapers nearby that she assumed were meant to be used for tinder. She ripped apart and crumpled up a few pieces, shoving them at the bottom of the rack before she threw on three pieces of wood, stacking them into a three dimensional triangle. She lit a match and let it rest on the papers, and she softly blew on the flame to help it grow. To her delight it caught on and she watched as the flames climbed up the wood. 

Patsy looked up when she heard the kettle start to whistle. She went back to the kitchen and found two large mugs, rinsing them with soap and water before she filled them with hot water and steeped the bags of Yorkshire tea she found in the spice rack. 

She picked up both cups of tea and paused for a moment, simply staring at the steam swirling up into the air before disappearing. 

Disappear. 

_‘I just want you to disappear.’_

Patsy blinked. She felt her chest tighten remembering Delia say that. 

Well, she couldn’t disappear but she could very well stay out of sight. 

Patsy put one mug down on the counter to drink by herself later, and brought the other mug out to Delia. She handed the woman on the sofa the mug and took a step back. 

‘That should warm you up a little…’ she trailed off unable to meet Delia’s eyes. 

A thought occurred to her and Patsy walked over to her rucksack and shuffled through it, finding the small bag with her bathroom items in it and opened it, retrieving a small bottle of pills. She walked over to Delia and placed the bottle near her. 

‘Take two of these when your tea is cool enough to drink. It will help with the pain and swelling in your ankle.’ 

Delia merely nodded and eked out a small, ‘Thanks.’ 

Patsy stepped back, keeping her distance, remembering she was to disappear. She moved to head back into the kitchen. 

‘Where are you going?’ Delia asked anxiously, watching Patsy closely. 

Patsy paused, a little touched by the question. She still could barely look her in the eye. 

‘I’m just going to rummage through the kitchen for a bit to see if I can find anything to whip up for supper.’ 

‘Oh,’ Delia said, a little sad, ‘Is there… Are you sure I can’t help with anything?’ 

Patsy placed her hand on the frame off the door that led to the kitchen, ‘Yes, I’m sure,’ she said nodding her head, ‘Just relax and focus on getting better.’ 

‘Patsy, I’m going to go mad if you’re just going to have me sit here…’ Delia pleaded. 

Patsy sighed, her gaze turning towards the ancient television in the corner with the rabbit ears perched on top. She walked over and kneeled down, turning a large knob on the front to turn it on. She grasped another knob undereith the first one and clicked it to channel three. Then four. Then six. The local news programme finally came in relatively clear, and appearing on the screen was a women dressed in a smart top and trousers standing in front of a green screen talking about the weather. 

‘Is this alright for now?’ Patsy asked, looking to Delia. 

The woman on the sofa cupped her mug with both hands close to her chest and nodded silently. 

Patsy looked to the fire she had started and was pleased to see it burning with a healthy flame, feeling the heat radiate from it. She walked over and added two more logs to the fire from the basket before standing and looking back to Delia. 

‘Are you getting warm?’ she asked.

Delia nodded, ‘Yes, the blanket and tea are helping, thank you,’ she said. 

Patsy merely looked down, not wanting to acknowledge her thanks. She didn’t want Delia to thank her. She didn’t want Delia to be kind to her. She knew she didn’t deserve it. 

Disappear. 

Patsy moved to the kitchen without a word, turning her attention to the refrigerator. She opened it and saw that it was scarcely supplied, only seeing old opened bottles of condiments and some butter. Patsy was nearly thinking they would starve out here before she opened the freezer and was relieved to see several options of frozen fish, prawns, and meats, pork shoulder and bacon, ground beef, and even a whole chicken. There were accompanying bags of frozen vegetables and even a carton of chocolate ice cream. 

Patsy closed the freezer and opened the floor to ceiling cupboard right next to the refrigerator and saw it jam packed with dry goods such as beans and rice, bags of pasta, canned fruits and vegetables, spices, and sauces. 

Patsy breathed a sigh of relief. Her mind worked quickly wondering what she could put together to feed the two of them. Patsy grabbed a bag of pasta and a can of tomato sauce, thinking something quick and easy would suffice for this evening. 

She removed some of the frozen meats from the freezer to the refrigerator so they could slowly thaw, and took a package of frozen ground beef, setting it in the sink and letting water run over it to thaw for the tomato sauce. She filled a pot with water and set it on the stove to boil, thinking now would be a good time to go back to the bedroom. 

Once there, she pulled the sheets from the mattress and pillow cases, unclipping the duvet cover and adding it to the pile of things she was going to wash. She found a linen closet in the room and threw a few bath towels to the pile as well. Scooping everything up, she carried them to the kitchen and started the washing machine that was next to the dryer, finding the detergent conveniently placed under the sink. She took a few moments to figure out how to work the thing before throwing the sheets and towels in together for a good wash. 

Patsy let the machine run while she checked the ground beef, thinking it was good enough to start cooking. She warmed a pan on the stove and cooked the meat, adding another for the sauce, throwing in some spices and letting them cook before she added in the sauce. Patsy let everything simmer for a moment before she poked her head back into the lounge to see Delia sitting expectantly on the sofa. 

‘More tea?’ she asked. 

Delia sat up straight, her eyes attentive, ‘Yes please.’ 

Patsy entered the room to grab her mug and was stopped as Delia looked at her expectantly.

‘Is there… there wouldn’t happen to be any milk or sugar, would there?’ 

‘Oh, sorry,’ Patsy said, ‘I didn’t think to ask how you take your tea,’ she finished, chastising herself for fucking up yet another thing with Delia, no matter how small it seemed, ‘There’s no perishables, I’m afraid, other than butter, it seems, but I’m sure I can find some sugar.’ 

Delia gave a thankful smile which Patsy did not return. 

Patsy went back to the kitchen with Delia’s mug and continued working on dinner, adding the spices to the meat, and then the sauce, letting everything simmer before she drained the pasta and combined everything into a small bowl. She poured more hot water over tea, adding some sugar this time, and came back into the lounge. She handed Delia the bowl of steaming pasta and sauce, placing her mug of tea on the coffee table close by. 

‘I, um…’ Patsy started, her hand coming to rub the back of her neck nervously, ‘I don’t usually cook for anyone but myself and… well, I don’t eat a lot,’ she said rather shy, ‘so I won’t be offended if you don't’ like it.’ 

‘It smells wonderful,’ Delia said as she dug in and took a bite, sighing as the hot foot settled in her mouth, ‘tastes wonderful, too’ 

Patsy sighed resoundingly, happy that she did something right, ‘Right then, relax and enjoy it. Let me know if you want seconds,’ she said, moving to get up. 

‘You won’t be joining me for supper?’ Delia asked. 

Patsy faltered. 

Disappear. 

The word echoed over and over again in Patsy’s mind. 

Patsy’s heart ached painfully in her chest, and she forced a smile, turning to Delia slightly. 

‘I’m not hungry,’ she lied, ‘and anyway, I have some cleaning to do and phone calls to make before we tuck in, so I best get started.’

Patsy headed to the bathroom before Delia could answer, hoping the woman couldn’t read her mind as she opened the cupboard under the sink in search of cleaning supplies, which she found in the forms of rubber gloves, sponges and rags, and lots and lots of bleach, much to her relief. She got to work, closing the door to the bathroom, removing her hooded jacket and rolling up the sleeves to her flannel shirt, deeming it safe to expose her arms. She forced on the gloves and made a solution with the bleach, and got to work scrubbing the tub and tile along the wall for some time until she was satisfied that it was good enough to eat off of. She rinsed off the cleaning solution before she plugged the bath, letting the tub fill with hot water while she tidied up, removing her gloves and putting the cleaning supplies away. 

Patsy unrolled and buttoned the sleeves of her flannel and was about to put her hooded jacket back on, but her fingers grazed over the hood of her jacket and it was still moist, Patsy recalled, from Delia's tears. Patsy paused for a moment remembering their fight, or rather, Delia telling Patsy how she felt. Telling her about her brothers and her family and how she hated her. Patsy clutched her jacket close to her, her brows furrowing, remembering Delia’s pained face, how she sounded as she cried in her ear as she carried her. Patsy didn’t know why but it was a sound that she never wanted to be the cause of again for as long as she would know Delia. Patsys heart ached knowing that she was the cause of Delia’s suffering these past few weeks. Making her miserable, and why? Because she was young? Inexperienced? The hardships Delia had to endure sounded just as hard as Patsys and Delia wasn’t projecting her misery out onto others like she had done. 

Patsy decided that Delia was right to hate her, no matter what. Delia was a better person than her. 

Patsy shook her head. The fumes from the bleach still hung in the air and it was making her feel fuzzy. She put her jacket back on and opened the small window and door to air out the room as she returned to the lounge where Delia still sat. Her bowl of pasta now empty and it sat on the coffee table as she sipped her tea. 

‘Alright?’ Patsy asked, ‘Do you want another helping?’ 

Delia turned to her, smiling, ‘No, but it was really good. I’ll probably have some leftovers later if there’s enough.’ 

Patsy, not thinking she was one to be particularly culinary talented, blushed at the compliment, but merely bit her lip, nodding slightly. 

‘Fancy a bath?’ she asked, wanting to take any focus off her. 

Delia looked surprised.

‘I’ve just cleaned up the bathroom and have the tub filling now for you.’ 

‘Patsy you didn’t have to do that…’ 

‘It’s alright. It’s been a long day and by the looks of it,’ she said, glancing at the snow continuing to fall out the window, ‘we may be here for awhile. May as well get comfortable. Come on then,’ Patsy said as she moved to help Delia up off the sofa. 

‘So that’s what you’ve been up to,’ Delia said as she let Patsy take her arm and wrap it around her shoulders, ‘makes sense you smell like bleach now.’ 

Patsy merely nodded as she helped Delia to the bathroom, gently guiding her to sit on the toilet while she shut off the water. She left momentarily to retrieve Delia’s duffel bag and placed it on the sink. 

Patsy paused and scratched her head, ‘Um, I imagine you’re mobile enough to… um…’ 

Delia smirked at Patsys awkwardness, ‘I think I can take it from here.’ 

‘Alright. Just… I won’t be far away. I suppose just shout if you need anything.’ 

‘Thank you, Patsy.’ 

Patsy sighed, again not meeting Delia’s eyes. She left without another word wishing the woman would stop thanking her. She didn’t deserve her thanks. 

With Delia occupied for the next hour or so, Patsy retreated to the kitchen to eat a bit of supper by herself, glancing out the kitchen window over the sink. It was pitch black outside now save for the snowflakes she could make out falling from the sky. Patsy wondered just how bad it was going to get and resolved to try and catch a bit of the news after she made sure Delia was asleep. 

Patsy spent the next hour cleaning. She moved the sheets and towels from the wash to the dryer and cleaned up the dishes in the kitchen, putting away the leftovers, and warming some more water in the kettle for tea. She found a broom closet with a myriad of cleaning supplies that she tucked away for later. In the closet she also found a hot water bottle that she thought Delia might like in bed to keep her feet warm. 

When she had a moment to think, Patsy remembered that she needed to try and call the clinic, to let someone know of their whereabouts and that they probably weren’t going to make it to the conference. 

Patsy scanned the kitchen and saw a corded telephone on the wall. 

She paused and looked at it, feeling herself grow angry as she broke out into a cold sweat, the long cord almost hitting the floor instantly brought back unpleasant memories of her youth. A cord like that was something her father liked to whip her with when she was being a disobedient child. 

Patsys eye twitched, and she smacked herself across the face for giving into it. 

‘He’s been dead 20 years. Stop letting him do this to you. It’s just a fucking phone,’ she whispered to herself harshly, forcing herself to pick it up off the wall and dial the number to the clinic, punching in Phyllis’ extension. It was late and she expected no one to be at the clinic, so Patsy left a message explaining her and Delia’s situation, that they were safe but snowed in and wouldn’t be making it to the conference. She didn’t mention the car, but figured she could spend some time tomorrow figuring out what could be done about it. 

As soon as Patsy hung up the phone, she nearly ripped the cord out, rolling it up and tucking it in a drawer somewhere. No one was going to call here anyway, and she didn’t want to have to look at the bloody thing. 

The dryer next to her chimed, signaling the sheets were done and pulled Patsy from her thoughts. She could concentrate her mind and body on the task at hand now. 

Patsy collected everything, folding and placing two fluffy towels next to the bathroom door for Delia to use when she was done with her bath, and went into the bedroom, throwing on the fresh sheets and tucking everything neatly into hospital corners. She put the pillows back in their cases and situated the duvet cover back on the fluffy down duvet. She was just about done when she heard the bedroom door creak open, and Delia appeared wearing a simple jumper and flannel pyjama bottoms with a pair of thick socks. She looked refreshed after her bath, and had her long hair braided in preparation for bed. 

‘Ah, just in time,’ Patsy said with a smile, ‘sheets are still nice and warm from the dryer,’ she rounded the bed and pulled back the covers before walking to Delia, helping her to the bed. 

‘Patsy,’ Delia said as Patsy helped lower her to the bed, ‘you really didn’t need to do all this.’ 

‘Nonsense,’ Patsy said as she tucked Delia under the covers, still unable to look the woman in the eye, ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, wanting to take the focus off her, ‘are you in any pain?’ 

‘Oh,’ Delia said, looking down at her ankle as if she had forgotten it was sprained, ‘no. It’s still a bit swollen and stiff, but it doesn’t hurt.’ 

Patsy took a pillow and placed it under Delia’s foot, throwing the covers over it when she was satisfied it was elevated enough. 

‘That should help…’ she trailed off, biting her lip in thought, ‘I’ll be right back.’ 

Patsy went to the kitchen to retrieve the hot water bottle and a fresh mug of tea for Delia, adding in a bit of sugar as she liked. She returned and placed the tea on the bedside table, holding up the hot water bottle in her other hand, ‘This should keep you nice and toasty for a bit,’ she said as she placed the bottle under the covers by Delia’s feet. 

‘Do you need anything?’ Patsy asked. 

Delia stared at her incredulously, ‘Patsy you’ve already done more than I would have ever possibly imagined from you.’

Patsy raised an eyebrow, ‘So is that a no?’ she asked with a slight smirk, trying to be funny. 

Delia smirked, ‘Pats…’ she trailed off, her smirk turning into a genuinely warm smile. The way she said her name and how she was looking at her now, it all made the hairs on the back of Patsy's neck stand on end. 

‘Well,’ Patsy said with a shy smile, turning quickly and walking to the bedroom door before Delia could notice her blush, ‘try and get some sleep,’ she finished softly. She grasped the doorknob and moved to close it with her on the other side. 

‘You’re…,’ Delia started, sitting up slightly. The motion caused Patsy to halt, and she looked at Delia expectantly, one hand on the doorknob, the other on the frame, ‘you’re not sleeping on the sofa, are you?’

Patsy merely raised an eyebrow at Delia.

‘Um, I mean…’ Delia trailed off, her eyes darting from side to side nervously and she looked like she was desperately trying to fight off the blush that was crawling up her neck and cheeks, ‘I just mean… maybe you should take the bed. I feel like you’ve done so much today. You must be exhausted.’ 

‘Delia, I’ll be fine,’ Patsy said softly, giving her best reassuring smile. 

‘No, I should take the sofa,’ Delia said, removing the covers, but she stopped her movements when Patsy raised her hand and walked back towards her. 

‘Delia, it’s alright,’ she said softly as she approached, ‘Lay down.’ 

Delia watched her curiously, but did as instructed, and Patsy reached over her, pulling the covers up to her chin, tucking her in snug. 

Patsy took a deep breath. She was close enough to Delia again for the first time since they had broken into the cabin to feel her warmth, and the smell of her lavender soap relaxed her for a moment, until looking her in the eye caused a memory from earlier that day to flash through her mind. 

_‘I hate you with every fibre of my being.’_

Patsy took another deep breath, forcing a small smile, ‘Delia, there’s something you should know about me,’ she started softly as she opened her eyes and forced herself to look at the girl under the covers, ‘it’s that, along with being a terrible driver, I’m also a terrible sleeper. I’m up half the night and toss and turn the rest.’ 

‘That explains a lot,’ Delia said with a small smile, which Patsy returned. 

Patsy shrugged, ‘Regardless, I’ll be better off on the sofa. That way I won't keep you awake with my restlessness, and I can keep an eye out for any other wary travelers who come and try to squat here with us.’

‘Make sure the window is locked so no one sneaks in like we did,’ Delia said, bringing the covers up over her mouth so only her eyes and the top of her head were exposed. Patsy thought she looked particularly adorable in that moment and she couldn’t help but smile. 

‘I will… and, I know it can be scary to sleep in a strange place, but I’ll just be on the other side of that door if you need… anything.’ 

Patsy was going to say ‘If you need _me_ ’, but stopped herself. 

‘I feel quite safe knowing you’re on the lookout, Pats.’ Delia said softly, and Patsy watched as her eyelids grew heavy.

‘Good,’ Patsy smiled, her chest feeling a bit warm at the new nickname, and stood, ‘get some rest now.’ 

Patsy finally left the bedroom, turning off the lightswitch and closing the door behind her with a soft click. 

Patsy quietly walked back to the lounge, turning off the television, and sat down on the sofa. She breathed a sigh of relief when she finally took off her boots, her feet aching from all the walking she did earlier. Not bothering to derobe, she stretched out on the sofa and kicked her feet up, her eyes closing as she took long, deep breaths, her body finally relaxing after such a strenuous day. Her eyes opened slightly and she looked to the plain white ceiling above her, a soft orange hue emanating from the smoldering fire coming from the other side of the room. 

As her body felt like it was finally decompressing from the day, her brain suddenly went into overdrive, recalling the course of events that got her and the junior nurse here. Driving here, their fighting, running out of Petrol, their fighting, Delia spraining her ankle, and more fighting. Delia telling Patsy that she hated her. That she wanted nothing to do with her. That she wanted her to disappear.

Patsy closed her eyes, her face contorting as if she were holding back tears. Her chest swelled with regret, aching from causing the poor girl in the other room to cry. For causing her any pain at all. 

But why was she feeling so terrible at Delia’s harsh words? Didn’t she tell the girl that she had heard every awful thing directed at her before? That nothing she could say would have any effect on her? And… part of that was true. Patsy had been called every name in the book and it never affected her as severely as this. Why was this different? 

Well, she reasoned, something certainly had changed. 

Patsy threw her arm over her eyes, swearing to herself as it became quite apparent to her that the reason Delia was affecting her so much was that she _liked_ her. She cared for the girl. She cared about Delia Busby, and she didn’t know whether that was a good thing or cause for alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [George](https://imgur.com/Fmk7q5f) is a real dreamy babe ( _who is actually named Prudence, aka Rude Prude, and belongs to my sister-in-law_ ).
> 
> And goodness me, who knew Patsy had such a sweet and caring side? Delia sure didn't. Though being shoved to the ground and told how much you're hated was probably the kick in the butt she needed to get her shit together and stop being such a twat. Let's see if she can keep it up next chapter. 
> 
> And simply because it cracks me up every time I think about it, here's my favorite line so far from next weeks chapter: 
> 
> ‘I had an ulterior motive for luring you into my igloo.’
> 
> Do what you want with it, I think it's hilarious out of context.
> 
>  
> 
> [Doodle!](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-3-757545116?ga_submit_new=10%3A1533243385)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy tries hard to make herself scarce when Delia is around, but the brunette has other plans. The day is spent saving the house they're in from impending doom, heart to heart chats in igloos, and stumbling upon secrets. You didn't think they would _stay_ secrets for long in such close quarters, did you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of child abuse and domestic violence.

Patsy stirred from her spot on the sofa, curled up with her arms crossed and feet tucked close to her to keep warm. She felt as if she was waking from one of the deepest sleeps she had had for a long time, not once waking in the middle of the night for one reason or another. The fire on the hearth had died out some time ago but it was long after she had finally passed out after her rather active day. Her eyes still closed, Patsy woke, her mind racing, recalling, remembering what had happened, where she was, and why. 

An ominous creaking noise from the ceiling caused Patsy to finally open her eyes. She rubbed the sleep out of the corners of her eyes and blinked, her gaze turning towards the ceiling suspiciously as the creaking continued. Patsy wondered for a moment if the noise was just the sound of critters in the attic seeking shelter from the snow. The only issue was that the noise Patsy was hearing didn’t sound like the little tippy taps of tiny claws of mice or raccoons or any other kind of rodent. This was a long, low, groaning. It almost sounded as if the roof was fighting against something heavy. Something like the weight of… 

‘Snow,’ Patsy said to herself, finding the energy within her to sit up and put her feet to the floor. 

The redhead cracked her neck and fixed her hair, tying it back into a ponytail before she stood up and stretched. Her mind wondered if there was ever a time the bones in her body didn’t click and pop every time she woke from sleep like this. She let out a long yawn and stretch, her fingertips reaching for the ceiling as she realized her body was sore in places she never knew existed, and she remembered it was because she had practically carried Bus… Delia… she had carried Delia on her back nearly a mile from the car to this place. Her arms, her back, and her thighs ached. She couldn’t remember the last time she had pushed herself physically like that and she found the soreness to feel pretty nice, actually. She had no time to dawdle on the pain, and she pushed it aside thinking there was much more cleaning to get done that day to make the house livable for the foreseeable future. To her standards anyway. 

A long, low groan from above Patsy's head brought her back from her thoughts. She looked at the ceiling dauntingly, wondering if she should worry it would fall through. 

Still clothed from what she wore yesterday, Patsy had no reservation taking the few steps to the front door of the cabin and opening it wide. 

Patsy was almost blinded by the sight. She blinked several times, her eyes adjusting from the dark lighting in the house to the unimaginable brightness of the acres and acres of untouched white snow that lay before her. The wind that blew kicked up freshly fallen flurries and the chill in the air sent a shiver down Patsy's spine to her toes. It looked like an absolute dreary white wasteland out there. 

And speaking of waist, Patsy thought looking down at the sight immediately before her. The wind had blown snow that packed stiff against the door, holding its shape in front of Patsy as she looked at it. The snow here really did come to her waist, and it looked as though the rest of it beyond the front porch was at least to her knees. 

‘Well, shit,’ she swore. 

She narrowed her eyes and looked out, spotting the detached shed that wasn’t too far away from the house. Patsy figured she would need to see if there was anything in there that could help her get to the roof and deal with the snow. She shut the door and the groaning above her continued. She resolved she would need to work fast. 

Patsy put plastic bags over her socks before she shoved on her boots. She scrounged through her rucksack and put on all the layers she could. Thermal shirt, flannel shirt, jumper, zip hoodie, then coat. She wrapped a scarf around her face and pulled her hood over her head, and she kicked herself when she realized she had no gloves or mittens, resolving to just do without. 

All bundled up and feeling a sense of urgency to do something about the impending collapse of the roof, Patsy threw open the front door and pushed her way out, closing the door behind her as she shuffled through the deep snow, feeling much like she was walking underwater. The icy wind stung at the exposed skin of her hands. She would have stuck them in her pockets, but she needed to keep them out to hold her balance as she took those big steps, the snow practically up to her knees when she stepped down from the front porch. 

When she did reach the shed, she looked back at the house and her fears were confirmed that there was several feet of snow weighing down on the roof. She turned back to the shed and clenched her fist, banging on the latch that had been rusted shut, and pushed the wooden door open. Once inside, Patsy took a look around to see what she had to work with. 

There was a workbench with half completed projects. Little things like what looked to be a spice rack and a birdhouse. A box of hand tools like hammers and saws, haphazardly put away with their handles sticking out sat on the table as well. There were random things scattered along the floor and against the walls like a garden hose, lanterns, empty flower pots and bags of potting soil, more chopped wood in the corner, and beside them all was a three gallon tin can that Patsy suspected was for petrol. She walked over and lifted the can, happy to know that it was indeed full of the fuel they would need to take back to the car whenever the roads were plowed. Patsy made a note to herself to remember to leave some cash behind to repay whomever the owners were for everything they were using while stuck here. 

Something dangling in front of Patsy caught her eye, and she looked up to see several gardening tools hanging from hooks on the wall. Patsy stood to her full height and saw an array of shovels, rakes, a rather large outdoor broom and… a ladder. 

Patsy grabbed the broom and ladder and left the shed, venturing back out into the snow and to the side of the house where she situated the ladder, raising it and locking it in place as she leaned it against the house. She tested how sturdy it was against the ground by placing her foot and her full weight against the first step. It seemed safe enough and Patsy reasoned that if she did fall from the one story roof, it wouldn’t be very far, and she would have at least two feet of snow to cushion her fall. Taking the risk was worth preventing the roof from collapse, she figured. 

Patsy slowly climbed the ladder, one step at a time, one hand on each rung as she raised herself with the broom held tight in the other. Once she reached the top, she used the broom to push off as much snow as she could, using the length of the handle to push as far as she could reach. Once the particular spot around her was clear enough, Patsy climbed the last rung of the ladder and gingerly stepped onto the roof, careful to move slow so she didn’t slip. She sat down, her legs straddling the apex of the roof, and she let out a breath of relief at not having broken her neck yet. 

Patsy rested her back against the brick of the fireplace, taking a moment to look out around her. It really was a nice view, the mountains and rolling hills around her covered in snow. The lake in the valley below looked black with tendrils of ice weaving further and further inward towards the center. 

Patsy cupped her hands over her mouth to blow warm air on her fingers, which stung from the cold and were turning red. She would need to hurry before the elements could do any damage. 

She took the broom and pushed off the snow from one side, then situating it to the other side of the roof and pushing the snow off the opposite side. She scooted herself forward and repeated the motions, looking as if she were paddling a canoe. 

Patsy made it about half way across the roof before she heard her name called. She looked down to see Delia in her pyjamas, looking as if she had hastily thrown on her coat and boots and rushed outside. 

‘Patsy, what on earth are you doing?’ Delia called up to her, looking up at Patsy incredulously. 

Patsy pulled the scarf from her mouth and tucked it under her chin 

‘The roof isn’t strong enough to hold all this snow. I’m pushing it off so it doesn’t cave in on us…’ she trailed off, narrowing her eyes at Delia, ‘Go back inside,’ she continued, nodding her head, ‘I don’t want to see you on the sprained ankle of yours.’ 

Delia rolled her eyes and clutched her coat around her, crossing her arms over ever chest and tucking back a strand of hair that had come loose from her braid, ‘My ankle is fine! It’s you I’m worried about! Don’t want you to fall and break your neck.’ 

‘You don’t?’ Patsy smirked, ‘Just yesterday you wanted to hit me upside the head with a tire iron,’ she teased. 

Delia faltered and blushed, though Patsy convinced herself the brunettes cheeks were just red from the cold. 

‘Well, that was yesterday, wasn’t it?’ Delia said feebly. 

Patsy merely smirked, ‘I’m almost done here, don’t worry. I’ll take it nice and easy on my way back down, I promise,’ she finished, honestly quite touched at Delia’s concerned look. 

Patsy brought her scarf back over her nose and mouth, looking back down at Delia who still seemed hesitant to move.

‘Get back inside,’ Patsy said once again, ‘I don’t want any of this to fall on you.’ 

Patsy continued pushing snow off the roof, the opposite side from where Delia was standing until the woman relented and trudged back inside, leaving Patsy to finish her task. Once she had reached the other side and cleared the roof of all the heavy snow, she gingerly stood and slowly walked back to the ladder, throwing the broom to the ground so she could use both hands and ease herself back onto the ladder and to the ground safely. She collected everything and put it back into the shed before she pocketed her hands and trudged her way past the now enormous mounds of snow she had created, and back into the house. 

Patsy was surprised when Delia approached her as soon as she entered the foyer, the smaller woman fussing over her, taking her coat and scarf to be hung up and instructing her to take her wet boots off on the old towels she had found and placed down on the floor so she didn’t track any water through the house. 

Patsy did as she was told, relieved to find Delia had managed to get a fire going in the time it took for her to clear the roof. She walked through the lounge and sat close by, warming her body and her hands with the heat emanating from the flames. She rubbed her hands together, the feeling slowly coming back to her fingers, and she was relieved to no longer hear that ominous groaning from above her head. 

Delia emerged from the kitchen, limping slightly, before sitting next to Patsy by the fire with a cup of tea in one hand and a plate with what looked like a little sandwich in the other. 

‘Tea?’ Delia said, holding out the cup to Patsy. 

‘Oh,’ Patsy said, blinking several times at the steaming mug in front of her, ‘Delia you didn’t have to…’

‘Patsy just take the tea.’

Patsy shut her mouth and took the tea, clasping the mug with both hands, the heat pleasantly stinging her cold fingers. 

‘Here,’ Delia said, holding up the plate in her hands, ‘I’ve made you a breakfast sandwich.’

‘You didn’t…’ 

‘Stop,’ Delia commanded, and once again Patsy shut up. 

Delia picked up the sandwich and held it up to Patsy’s face, ‘Open your mouth.’ 

Wide eyed and feeling her cheeks and ears turn ferociously red from the order, Patsy deemed she had no choice but to do as she was told, given the look Delia was directing at her in that moment. 

Patsy opened her mouth and Delia fed her a bite of the sandwich. 

‘Is it good?’ Delia asked, and Patsy silently nodded, honestly quite too afraid to say anything at all. 

Delia smiled, ‘Good! I found a loaf of bread in the freezer so I just popped a few slices in the toaster for a bit. It’s a shame we don’t have any cheese or eggs, but I managed to find a bit of bacon behind the chocolate ice cream, which I noticed you conveniently did _not_ tell me about last night,’ Delia said, playfully turning up her nose at Patsy. 

‘Slipped my mind,’ Patsy managed to eek out once see swallowed her bite. 

‘I’m sure it did,’ Delia said, ‘and for future reference, you would be wise to disclose all chocolate to me, because you wouldn’t be able to hide it anyway,’ she smiled, ‘I have a talent for finding hidden chocolate like a pig snuffling for truffles.’ 

‘Noted,’ Patsy said, and she couldn’t help but smirk at the imagery. 

Delia smiled back and held up Patsy's sandwich, ‘Open,’ she simply said, feeding Patsy another bite. 

‘So that’s two things I did for you today Patsy,’ Delia started, and Patsy raised an eyebrow as she chewed, ‘I made this lovely fire and I made us tea and breakfast so you didn’t have to do it,’ Delia looked at her knowingly, ‘because I know given the chance you would have insisted on doing it, wouldn’t you?’ 

Patsy merely blinked, but she knew Delia was right. 

‘It’s a lot less stressful when you get to know people and rely on them to do things, Patsy. You know, learn their strengths and delegate duties to those strengths like a good supervisor would,’ Delia continued, ‘Otherwise one might just get fed up and do everything themselves and end up resenting others for not doing anything.’ 

Patsy merely blushed, looking rather guilty as she swallowed her bite. 

‘But not you though. You’re going to start letting me do some things around here until we get ourselves out of this place. And then you’re going to start letting me and the other nurses take care of the little things at the clinic.’ 

Delia paused to hold up and feed Patsy the last bite of the breakfast sandwich, who ate it without a fight. 

‘Because I’ve noticed when you’re not stressed out, you’re actually quite a pleasant person to be around, Patsy,’ Delia finished with a small smile, ‘you’re thoughtful and kind, and I think everyone at the clinic would be much better off if you were like this all the time,’ she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at Patsy, ‘you just have to be willing to let go of some things. Actually ask for help when you need it instead of just doing everything yourself. You might prefer to work alone but you certainly don’t work better when you do. I think we can see more of this Patsy if she… what was it you told me yesterday?’ Delia looked up in thought, bringing her finger to her chin, ‘Oh yes, swallow your pride and let me help?’ 

Patsy merely nodded, not able to look Delia in the eyes. Her chest felt tight, her heart aching once again at the thought of Delia’s words from the day before. Instead of responding, she shyly sipped her tea, trying her best to ignore Delia’s eyes on her. 

‘So that’s that then?’ Delia asked, ‘Not going to put up a fight? No comments or thoughts? No smartass remarks telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about or how insufferable or useless I am?’ 

Patsy silently shook her head, desperately hoping her features didn’t portray how sad she felt in that moment, how regretful she felt about her behavior towards Delia. Towards everyone. Patsy simply gulped down her tea and hoped that Delia would be satisfied with her silence. 

‘I’ve found that pork shoulder in the fridge and I think there’s enough frozen vegetables and stock to make a nice stew from it,’ Delia started, seemingly sensing Patsy's desire for her to move on from the subject, ‘I’ll have to do a bit more digging to see if there’s a slow cooker,’ she said more to herself and she rose from her spot next to Patsy. 

‘Delia you don’t…’ 

Patsy clamped her mouth shut when Delia shot her a warning look that would set even the unruliness of children straight. 

‘I mean, that would be lovely, thank you.’ 

‘That’s what I thought,’ Delia said, taking Patsy's empty mug from her and limping towards the kitchen. 

Patsy watched with a heavy heart as Delia disappeared and she could hear the smaller woman turn on the sink, humming gently to herself as she scrubbed the dishes. 

Patsy picked at her jeans from her spot on the hearth. The fire had grown quite large by now and was making her feel rather hot and uncomfortable, more than she already felt at the moment. There was a deep ache in Patsy's chest as she thought over what just happened. She was confused by Delia. One moment she was calling her pleasant and then next she was throwing out backhanded comments like that, then moving on as if it was nothing. Then again, Patsy had no right to be upset and she knew it. The hurt she was feeling now, she reckoned she had made Delia feel the same way, if not ten times worse at times. This pain she was feeling, she deserved it. She deserved every comment Delia decided to throw at her and she would just have to swallow how it made her feel and take it. 

Just disappear. 

She didn’t feel like being near Delia right now anyway. 

Patsy rose from her spot and headed towards the door, bundling back up in her scarf and coat and putting on her boots. She reckoned she could keep herself busy most the day by clearing the snow from the porch and shoveling the long walkway to the main road. 

Quietly, she opened the door and stepped out, readying herself for another physically demanding task that, she reasoned, might tire her mind and body enough to take her thoughts off this whole bloody situation. For the time being anyway.

* * *

Several hours passed where Patsy had her back towards the house, the repetitive motion of scooping up snow and tossing it off the driveway really did work her muscles and cleared her mind. She had taken several breaks to stretch her back and even had herself a cigarette, the first she had in 24 hours. It relaxed her, for sure, but she was finding the process of moving her whole body to perform this simple task much more of a stress relief than any cigarette could have ever given her. She also noted that she hadn’t had the urge to bite herself yet, thankfully. She would be hard pressed to do so anyway wearing all these layers. Even if her anxiety did flare right now, she could simply keep shoveling the infinite amount of show that lay in front of her. 

Patsy cleared the walk about halfway to the road before she stuck the shovel in the snow and rose to her full height, pushing her hips out in front of her as she stretched her lower back as best she could. She decided she had had enough for the time being and was thinking now would be a good place to stop, the rest could be taken care of tomorrow. 

Patsy picked up the shovel and began walking back to the house before she noticed Delia out front, bundled up in several layers herself, on her hands and knees in front of one of the snow mounds Patsy had created earlier that morning when she pushed the snow off the roof. Patsy looked at Delia rather confused as she approached, watching the smaller woman disappear inside of one of the mounds. 

Patsy heaved the shovel she was holding into a pile of snow so that it stood up straight, and she walked over to where Delia had disappeared and bent over to see Delia’s feet. 

‘What on earth are you doing?’ Patsy asked. 

‘Pats!’ Delia exclaimed, turning around to stick her head out of the little makeshift entrance, ‘I’ve made an igloo! Want to come see?’ she asked with a hint of childish excitement that made the brunette all the more endearing to Patsy. 

‘An igloo?’ Patsy asked, ‘Whatever for?’

‘I wasn’t just going to let this enormous pile of snow go to waste now, was I?’ Delia said as she crawled back into her igloo. She re-emerged holding two small garden shovels, one in each hand, ‘I dug it out using these things I found in the shed. Came quite in handy!’ she exclaimed, shoving them into the snow, ‘Come in! I want to show you!’ 

‘Um…’ Patsy looked on warily, and Delia could sense her hesitation. 

‘I have hot tea and biscuits in here!’ Delia added. 

‘Well…’ That was reason enough for Patsy to at least spend a minute looking around. 

Patsy watched as Delia crawled back inside and she lowered herself to her knee, peeking in. The entrance was rather small and she would need to crawl through. She reasoned, since she was already dirty from all the manual labor she accomplished that day, crawling along the ground for a moment wouldn’t be any worse. 

Patsy lay on her stomach and began to army crawl through the narrow entrance, until she felt something tug on her hips. 

‘What the…?’ Patsy said to herself, a panic rising within her chest. 

‘What’s the matter?’ Delia asked, her eyes wide as she nibbled on a chocolate chip biscuit. 

Red faced and rather confounded, Patsy tried pulling herself through with all her might, which admittedly wasn’t much as she had spent most the day using all the upper body strength she could muster. Again, she remained in place as her hips appeared to be caught on something. 

‘Suppose I shouldn’t help myself to any biscuits after all,’ Patsy mumbled. 

‘Are you seriously stuck!?’ Delia exclaimed. 

‘It appears so,’ Patsy said, feeling mortifyingly embarrassed.

‘Oh, this is even better,’ Delia quipped. 

Patsys head shot up, ‘What do you mean?’ 

Delia smugly smirked, crossing her legs, one hand on her knee while the other sipped some tea from the mug of a thermos she brought out from the kitchen. 

‘Patsy, I’ll be frank with you.’

Patsy looked up at the brunette incredulously. 

‘I had an ulterior motive for luring you into my igloo.’

‘Oh for fucks sake,’ Patsy mumbled, moving to wiggle her hips to no avail. She swore to herself she would never believe Delia ever again when offered tea and biscuits without her having a nefarious reason behind it. 

‘I just want to ask you one question,’ Delia continued, setting down her tea. 

‘Delia if you ask me if I’m gay again…’ Paty grumbled. 

Delia giggled, ‘Oh, I don’t need to ask that one again. Your refusal to answer is admission enough.’ 

Patsy ignored her, ‘Well if your question isn’t ‘Can I help you get unstuck?’ then I'm not going to bloody fucking answer it,’ Patsy said, growing annoyed. 

‘I don’t really think you’re in a position to made demands right now, Patsy,’ Delia said, her smile growing wide and revealing those dimples. 

Patsy gave a defeated sigh, resting her forehead on the packed snow that made up the floor of the igloo. She was so very tired from working all day, but the longer she remained stuck, the colder the lower half of her body became due to the prolonged exposure to the elements. And those dimples and a cup of hot tea seemed to be the perfect negotiation chips that Delia had going for her at the moment. 

‘Alright. What is it?’ Patsy asked miserably, looking back up at Delia, who smiled kindly down at her. 

‘Have you been avoiding me?’ 

Patsy blinked. 

‘Because it seems you don’t want to be around me,’ Delia leaned back and crossed her arms, looking up as if in thought, ‘Since we’ve been here I don’t think we’ve spent more than five minutes in the same room.’ 

‘Delia, it wasn’t intentional, I’ve just had things to do,’ Patsy said, but stopped when Delia cut her off. 

‘You wouldn’t even sit down and have tea with me yesterday. Or supper.’ 

‘I was cleaning and preparing your bath.’ 

‘And you’ve left me to myself nearly all day today.’ 

‘Delia, I needed to clear the walk.’ 

‘You _needed_ to? Whatever for? You’ve already done plenty of work outside today, why couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow? And if it needed to be done today, why didn’t you ask me to help?’ 

‘Your ankle...’ 

‘My ankle is fine,’ Delia cut her off as she absentmindedly placed a hand over her right foot. 

Patsy’s gaze was towards the ground, and she heard Delia sigh deeply through her nose. 

‘Is it…’ Delia started softly, sounding sad, ‘Are you still just… tolerating me? I’m trying not to be a burden, but you wouldn’t let me help with anything yesterday…’ 

Patsy sighed, ‘Delia it’s not that at all.’ 

‘It’s not?’ Delia looked to Patsy with a hopeful glance. 

Patsy shook her head, closing her eyes as she concentrated on what she was going to say. 

‘Delia, you pushed me down yesterday and told me you hated me. That you wanted nothing to do with me and that you wanted me to just disappear,’ Patsy opened her eyes and looked up at Delia. She couldn’t tell if it was the cold or the adrenaline that was making her want to shiver, but the look Delia was giving her gave her the gumption to continue on, even if her voice did shake, ‘and while I very well can’t disappear, I can at least make myself sparse. So,’ she sighed, ‘I’m not avoiding you so much as I’m just trying to adhere to your wishes.’ 

Patsy looked down again before continuing, ‘I’m sorry for how I treated you over these past few weeks. I really did mean it when I said it yesterday. I know you don’t believe me so I’m just… I’m just trying to show you through my actions, I suppose.’ 

The two women were silent for a moment, Patsy’s gaze remaining downward, much too nervous to look at Delia, though she could hear the smaller woman sigh. 

‘Turn over,’ Delia said, and Patsy looked up at her, ‘Go on, turn over so you’re laying on your back.’ 

Patsy did as instructed and she could feel Delia grasp her under her armpits and pull hard, and she finally popped loose and was all the way inside the igloo, laying down on Delia, the brunettes arms securely around her. 

‘Um… thanks,’ Patsy said, a blush spreading across her cheeks from their position. She moved to get up, but Delia only tightened her grip. 

‘No,’ Delia said softly, ‘you stay here.’

Patsy’s whole body remained stiff, too scared to move, or even breathe. Why was Delia doing this?

‘I’m sorry, too,’ Delia said, her breath tickling Patsy’s ear, ‘yesterday was… well. I was determined not to put up with your shit. Even gave myself a pep talk before leaving my flat that morning...’

‘Delia, it’s alright,’ Patsy sighed, ‘I was terrible to you. You have every right to hate me.’ 

‘I know…’ Delia said, ‘but I don’t feel that way anymore. In fact, even when I said it I don’t think I even really meant it.’

‘It was very convincing,’ Patsy quipped, and she could feel herself relax slightly in Delia’s arms. 

‘Hush,’ Delia said, squeezing Patsy playfully, ‘but I do regret it, you know. I regret saying those things. I don’t actually hate you. I don’t want you to disappear. If I really felt that way now I would have been fine if you really were avoiding me. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have felt sad at being left by myself all day. And last night.’

Patsy blushed and awkwardly patted Delia’s knee to try and convey some kind of comfort and assurance, ‘It’s… Delia, it was something I needed to hear, alright?’ she turned her head to try and look Delia in the eye, ‘you did nothing wrong. It needed to happen. Otherwise…’ 

‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have seen the human side of you?’ Delia finished with a small smile. 

‘Otherwise I’m convinced you actually _would_ have hit me upside the head with a tire iron by now.’ 

Delia laughed, ‘Don’t worry, I don’t feel like that anymore either.’ 

‘Well that’s good. But if you change your mind, there are plenty more options in the shed now.’ 

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Delia said, giving Patsy another squeeze, ‘It’s not in my nature to be unkind. Besides,’ Delia continued, ‘I’m quite enjoying having you around.’ 

‘You are?’ Patsy asked with a tone of disbelief, her body stiffening in Delia’s arms once more. 

‘Yes,’ Delia said, shifting slightly to look at Patsy, ‘I do quite like you, you know.’ 

‘You do?’ Patsy eked out, her eyes widening at how cavalier Delia was being.

‘Yes,’ Delia said with a chuckle, ‘Is that so hard to believe? Why are you so tense?’ 

Patsy’s heart was pounding furiously in her chest. Maybe she was so tense that the woman she was in denial about having a crush on was holding her and saying she didn’t hate her, and in fact, _quite liked her_. Patsy sighed, trying her best to relax so any of this didn’t seem too obvious. 

‘I’m… I’m not used to being touched,’ she said. 

‘Touched? Like at all?’ 

Patsy remained red faced and silent. 

‘When was the last time you were hugged?’ Delia asked. 

Patsy faltered, really not knowing the answer, ‘I… I don’t know. It’s not like I’m a warm and inviting person or anything.’ 

‘I don’t think that’s true at all. You can be a big grouch but you’re a total sweetie at heart, I know it.’ 

Patsy clamped both her mouth and eyes shut, knowing for sure her face was the color of a tomato and she desperately hoped that Delia couldn’t sense how hard her heart was beating or the shivers that were running down her neck every time the brunette spoke in her ear. Patsy absolutely found all this affection and compliments rather overwhelming and she wasn’t at all sure what to do with all these feelings. 

‘Regardless,’ Delia continued, ‘I think you would do better with more hugs in your life.’ 

‘Does George count?’ Patsy said, trying to relive her jitters with some feeble humour. 

‘Of course he does. But people hugs are just as important,’ Delia finished giving Patsy a friendly squeeze. 

Delia sighed when Patsy only remained tense and uncomfortable. 

‘Oh, come on, Pats, it’s not that bad. You said you didn’t hate me, right?’ 

‘I don’t hate you,’ Patsy said, giving a defeated sigh, ‘it’s just… I’m still terribly, terribly uncomfortable with you being nice to me or showing me any kindness at all,’ she admitted truthfully, ‘I don’t feel like I deserve it after the way I’ve treated you.’ 

‘Water under the bridge Pats,’ Delia said, and Patsy could hear the reassuring smile on her voice. 

‘It’s that easy for you, hmm?’ 

‘It does no good for anyone to hold onto bitterness and hate. Besides, I feel like you’ve shown me your true self these last 24 hours. You’re a nurturer, aren’t you?’

Patsy merely shrugged. 

‘It’s in your bones to take care of others, isn’t it? That’s probably why you became a nurse. Probably what drives you to be one of the best.’ 

‘Still…’ Patsy sighed.

‘Pats,’ Delia cut her off, her hold on the taller woman tightening as she pressed her forehead against the side of Patsy's, ‘I forgive you,’ she finished, and Patsy finally let out a deep sigh and felt herself relax completely in Delia’s arms.

Patsy remained silent, and Delia gazed at her, studying her. 

‘Do you accept my forgiveness?’ She asked. 

Patsy looked back at her with sorrowful eyes and nodded. 

‘You should try and use your words sometimes,’ Delia said with a small smirk. 

‘Sorry, I’m just awful about articulating… um, you know… feelings.’ 

‘Well, get used to it,’ Delia said, ‘and while we’re at it, I expect many more conversations where we talk about your feelings.’ 

Patsy groaned, and Delia giggled. 

‘But I think you’ve done a good job for now,’ Delia said, reaching over and grabbing a biscuit from the pack, ‘You’ve earned yourself a reward.’ 

Delia brought the chocolate chip biscuit to Patsy’s mouth and fed it to her before she could protest. 

Patsy huffed as she chewed her biscuit, ‘Are you to feed me everything today?’ she cried indignantly. 

‘I don’t see why not,’ Delia said with a grin, ‘it’s cute seeing you get all worked up.’ 

‘Alright, I’ve had enough hugging,’ Patsy grumbled, frantically wiggling to release herself from Delia’s grasp. 

The smaller woman giggled as she let go, and Patsy situated herself on the other side of the igloo, crossing her legs and pocketing her cold hands, looking down as she desperately tried not to convey how happy it made her that Delia thought she was cute, but she was worried her red cheeks and ears would give her away. If Delia asked, she would blame the cold. 

‘Here, have some tea,’ Delia said, still smiling, reaching for the thermos and pouring the steaming liquid into the little mug. 

Patsy took the mug and sipped the hot tea as her eyes gazed up and around, taking in the small nook Delia had created for herself. 

‘This really is a nice little space you’ve made here.’ 

‘Thanks!’ Delia said with a grin, puffing her chest out as she was rather proud of herself, ‘my brothers and I would play out in the snow when we were kids. Whenever there was a blizzard like this we would spend all day building forts and tunnels and having snowball fights.’ 

Patsy couldn't help but smile warmly as she watched a satisfying expression of nostalgia come across Delias features. The brunette looked up fondly, and Patsy could tell she was thinking about those fun memories of herself as a kid with her family. It made her want to do something that she usually avoided like the plague and ask Delia about her personal life, because, she realized, for once she was actually genuinely interested in knowing more about Delia, but she was denied the chance when Delia suddenly turned to her with a mischievous smirk. 

‘So, seriously though,’ she leaned in close with an eyebrow raised, ‘are you gay?’

Patsy smirked, sitting up straight and held her tea in her lap. It wasn’t the personal question she initially had in her head to ask Delia, but if this was what she wanted to talk about, then so be it.

‘Are _you_?’ 

Delia blushed, leaning back and blinking rapidly, seemingly unexpecting the question to be directed at her, ‘What?’

‘Well you seem so adamant about discussing this, I can only assume.’ 

Delia smiled bashfully, her ears turning red, ‘Well, I mean…,’ 

Patsy watched as the younger woman rubbed the back of her neck nervously, still giggling. She found the sight rather endearing. 

Patsy rolled her eyes, ‘Oh dear,’ she teased, bringing her mug of tea to her mouth to hide her smile, ‘I didn’t realize I was sharing an igloo with a baby dyke.’ 

Delia faked indignation, ‘Hey now! I’m no baby dyke!’ Delia crossed her arms, playfully narrowing her eyes at Patsy, ‘I’ve been gay my whole life, thank you very much.’ 

Patsy shook her head, ‘No, no, that’s not how that works,’ Patsy said wisely, taking a sip of tea. 

‘How do you mean?’ 

‘Because any lesbian under the age of 25 is a baby-dyke,’ Patsy explained slowly as if she were speaking to one of her patients. 

‘Oh fuck off,’ Delia said, unable to contain her grin. 

‘It’s true!’ Patsy said, straightening her posture, ‘and any lesbian over the age of 45 is a cougar.’ 

Delia narrowed her eyes, skeptical, ‘So what’s that make anyone in between?’ 

‘Crazy,’ Patsy simply said, sipping her tea. 

Delia laughed, ‘So you’re admitting you’re crazy?’ 

‘Did you have any doubt?’ Patsy asked with an eyebrow raised. 

‘So you’re saying you’re gay?!’ Delia leaned forward, both hands on the ground as she was on the edge of her proverbial seat waiting for Patsy to finally answer. 

Patsy sighed and took pity on the woman nearly hyperventilating in anticipation. 

‘Quite,’ Patsy simply quipped from behind her mug.

Delia screamed, clenching her fists in victory and kicking her feet, ‘Yes! I knew it! I knew it!’ she laughed, ‘I knew it from the moment I met you that you were totally gay! Yes, I feel so validated!’ 

‘The moment we met?’ Patsy said, more to herself than to Delia. The memory flashed briefly in her mind of Delia proudly holding out her hand to her, wanting to make a good impression, and Patsy snubbing her outright. 

Patsy sighed at the memory, thoroughly wanting to kick herself, before an idea occurred. 

Patsy smiled shyly and held out her hand, to which Delia looked at rather confused. 

‘I was terribly rude and didn’t shake your hand when we first met, so… I don’t know, I suppose I’m trying to rectify it.’ 

‘Is this your way of wanting to start over?’ Delia asked with a curious eyebrow raised. 

Patsy blinked, ‘Is that what you want?’ 

Delia shook her head, taking Patsy’s hand in hers and giving a gentle squeeze, ‘No,’ she smiled, ‘I don’t want to forget anything about you.’ 

‘Oh dear,’ Patsy smirked, ‘given how I’ve been in the past, maybe we _should_ start over.’ 

‘Water under bridges, Pats. I meant it,’ Delia smiled as she shook Patsy’s hand, and Patsy couldn’t help but do the same. 

Delia turned Patsy’s hand over in hers and got a good look at her fingers. 

‘Pats! Your fingers are blood red!’ Delia cried, the look on her face immediately turning to one of concern. 

‘Ah, well…’ Patsy released Delia’s hand and looked down at her fingers, her hands cupping the small mug in her lap for warmth, ‘I didn’t bring any gloves with me,’ she shrugged. 

‘You’re likely to get frostbite! Can you even feel them?’ 

Patsy bent her fingers, and they stung, ‘Well, I can feel them a little.’ 

‘No,’ Delia waived her hands before grabbing the mug from Patsy, ‘we’re going inside now,’ she situated the thermos and grabbed the package of biscuits, ‘it’s just about time for supper anyway and you need to warm up,’ she paused before she exited the igloo to look at Patsy, ‘when was the last time to had a bath?’ 

Patsys eyes widened, realizing for the first time that she hadn’t showered since the previous morning before their trip. 

‘Suppose I’m due for one,’ she admitted, thinking back on all the physical labor she had done since the last time she bathed. 

‘I’m making you a bath and more hot tea,’ Delia said with a finality in her tone that held no reservations for protest. 

Patsy watched as the smaller woman wiggled out of the igloo, thinking to herself how cute Delia’s hips and thighs looked in her tight trousers. 

Patsy closed her eyes and shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts. Maybe when they returned to the clinic she should insist Delia remain in those baggy scrubs after all. 

‘Out with you, now,’ Patsy heard Delia say from the other side. 

Patsy took a deep breath and crawled out of the igloo the same way she had come in, leaving head first and on her stomach. Much to her consternation, she found herself stuck at her hips again, swearing under her breath that life wasn’t fair. 

With a laugh, Delia sat on her bum and hitched her arms under Patsy's, practically hugging her again, this time both women facing each other. Patsy held on tight as she felt Delia use her legs to hoist her out of the small entrance of the igloo. 

Delia couldn’t control her giggles as she landed on her back with Patsy on top of her, ‘Is this what delivering babies is like?’ 

Red faced and mortified at their position, Patsy forced a smirk as she scrambled to her feet, reaching down to help Delia stand, ‘Honestly… sometimes.’

* * *

Patsy showered under a stream of much too hot water, liking the way it pleasantly stung her fingers and toes and brought feeling back into every nerve ending that had been chilled from the cold outside. She did a thorough job of washing her hair, scrubbing her body, and trying to relax as the hot water pounded against her back, relieving her sore muscles of their ache after an honest days work. 

She stepped out after several moments, wrapping herself in a towel that she had washed the day before, surprised and honestly quite touched to find a steaming cup of tea on the sink waiting for her. Delia must have snuck it in while she was scrubbing off. 

Patsy took a moment to take a sip of the Yorkshire tea, still rather confounded and feeling undeserving of all the fuss Delia was making over her. The woman was practically reversing the roles from the night before, insisting Patsy take it easy while she let her bathe and prepared a good hearty dinner. 

Taking a moment to dig through her rucksack, Patsy pulled out a clean pair of knickers as slipped them on, placing her towel back on the hook. She swiped the mirror with her hand so she could only see the reflection of her face, the way she preferred as she disliked looking at the rest of her body. 

Figuring Delia was busy preparing dinner in the kitchen, Patsy deemed it safe to open the door a crack to release some of the steam that was trapped in the small bathroom. She quietly opened the door and turned back to the mirror, digging through her bag once more for her bathroom things, her brush, her lotion, deodorant and the like. 

Patsy ran her comb through her hair until it was all smooth, deciding to sip her tea before she moved on with her after-shower routine. She took a deep breath of air. While she still wasn’t particularly comfortable with Delia making her dinner… or doing anything nice for her, Patsy did have to admit to herself that Delia had the entire cabin smelling wonderfully. 

Patsy put the tea back down on the sink, the mug clinking against the granite when another noise caught her attention, the squeak from the hinge on the door. 

‘Pats, I was wondering if-,’

It all happened in an instant. Seemed like a split second, anyway. 

Patsys eyes shot up and she saw Delias face in the mirror, the smaller woman’s eyes wide and mouth opened in a gasp at the sight of Patsy's naked back. Before Patsy could think, her body reacted. She brought her arm up to cover her chest before turning and slamming the door in Delia’s face, leaving the woman shocked and stuttering on the other side. 

‘I-I’m sorry Patsy…’ Delia said feebly, ‘the door was open so I thought. I… I’ll just, um…,’ Patsy could hear Delia take a step back, ‘Sorry,’ she said again, ‘I’m sorry…’ 

Delia finally stopped talking, and Patsy could hear her padded footsteps take off down the hall, disappearing. 

Patsy clenched her teeth, doing her best to remain completely silent until she was sure Delia was gone, back to the kitchen or wherever she had run off to. 

Heart pounding frantically in her chest, Patsy screwed her eyes shut, bringing her hands to her face as she breathed, practically gulping down huge breaths of air to keep from panicking. 

Delia had just seen something no one else had for a long, long time. She had seen something Patsy couldn’t even bare to look at herself for years because of the painful memories, because of all the pent up resentment she harbored towards herself and towards the person who put them there. Her scars. The marks on her body that were a constant reminder of the man that terrorized her and her mother. 

Patsy slowly removed her hands from her face, instead placing them flat against the door as she also rested her forehead against the hard wood. Eyes still closed, Patsy concentrated on slowing her breathing, even if it was shaky. Patsy listened closely for any sign of Delia and heard nothing until there was a shuffling from the other side of the door, and then a heavy opening and closing of what sounded like the front door to the house. It sounded as if Delia had just gone outside. 

If she did, Patsy didn’t blame her. The marks on her back always shocked anyone who had seen them. She hated that Delia had stumbled upon them. She hated that Delia probably felt sorry for her. 

Patsy feared though, that it wasn’t the tiny nicks and cuts across her hips and thighs from a belt buckle that made Delia run, not the bite marks in her arms that Delia would figure she put there herself, but the large burn mark in the middle of her back that was in the shape of a clothing iron.

* * *

Patsy shut the front door behind her, zipping up her coat and shoving her hands in her pockets as she turned and looked out onto the snowy fields that lay before her. 

She hadn’t heard another sound in the house other than their dinner gently simmering on the stove as she dressed again, preparing herself to go out in search of Delia. 

Patsy let out a long sigh as she put her hood up over her still wet hair, her breath coming out in one long puff of white air that disappeared into the dark evening. She took a few steps to the edge of the porch, her boots landing heavily with each step, the wood creaking underneath, alerting anyone nearby of her presence. 

Patsy looked out into the evening sky, the stars and planets coming through quite clear out here without the lights of the city that Patsy was accustomed to. She actually thought they looked quite pretty sparkling against the purplish sky, but she turned her gaze back down and sat on the front step of the porch, settling in before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her pack of cigarettes. She pulled one out with her teeth and lit it, the smoke rising above her head as she inhaled. It burned her throat in a pleasant way and she could feel herself relax slightly, feel the anxiety that had built up within her chest dissipate. 

Patsy pursed her mouth into that ‘O’ shape in which she was accustomed as she let out a long line of smoke into the air, her gaze turning towards the igloo Delia had made earlier. She took a moment to eye the dark entrance and could see the toes of Delia’s boots inside. Patsy could only presume the younger woman was hiding from her, clutching her knees to her chest. 

The redhead sighed, bringing the cigarette to her lips once more and sucking down a long drag of smoke before she scrounged up the gumption to address the woman. 

‘Delia?’ Patsy said. 

Patsy watched, only able to see the boots in the makeshift igloo wiggle slightly as Delia seemed to hold herself tighter. 

‘Delia, it’s alright. You can come out of there and talk to me,’ Patsy said softly as she took another drag. 

Patsy watched as she heard Delia shuffle slightly, then slowly the brunette emerged from the igloo and stood. She was unable to meet Patsy’s eyes and shifted from one foot to the other, unsure of what to do with herself. 

Patsy sighed and patted the spot next to her on the porch, ‘Come here and look at the stars with me,’ she said, and hugged her own knees to her chest. 

Delia sat down beside her on the wooden steps of the porch and the two women sat in silence for several moments, Patsy taking several drags of her cigarette during this time, not quite sure what to do or say in a moment like this. 

‘They’re quite pretty, don’t you think?’ Patsy asked, nudging Delia’s shoulder with her own in a friendly manner. The brunette simply nodded, pointedly looking at her shoes, and not at the sky. 

Patsy sighed, taking one last drag of her cigarette before snubbing it out in the wet snow near her feet. She ran her fingers through her hair as she exhaled a long line of smoke. 

‘Delia,’ she said softly, ‘tell me what you’re thinking.’ 

Delia sighed, her breath coming out in one long stream of white smoke from the cold. She finally looked up at the stars for a moment before she quietly addressed Patsy. 

‘Will you tell me about them?’ Delia finally said, ‘Your scars? 

Patsy took a deep breath and raked her fingers through her hair once again. She was expecting this was going to be the topic of their conversation but she was never prepared for the bundle of nerves that settled heavy in her stomach whenever she did talk about it out loud with others. 

‘Not too much to say,’ she began slowly, thinking of how she wanted to articulate this, ‘it’s about as awful as you can imagine though,’ she paused to pick at a loose thread on the hem of her jeans, ‘my father would flog me. Started about when I was six or seven years old. Used to be just his hand but when I got a bit older and unruly he would use his belt. The scars are from when he would hit me with the buckle.’ 

Patsy paused for a moment to pull out another cigarette, and she tried to ignore Delia watching her light the thing with shaky hands. She took a long drag before continuing. 

‘Before all that it was my mother who took the brunt of the beatings. She was older than my father, stayed with him because thought she couldn’t do any better than him. I remember them being very much in love when things were good, and on the outside everything seemed perfect, but now I realize that he was so jealous. So insecure and controlling,’ she took another drag of her cigarette and exhaled, ‘and he had some kind of hold on her that I will never understand. Enough to have her look the other way when he beat her children…’ Patsy ashed her cigarette and tried to look out at the sky, the stillness of the night keeping her calm. Keeping her from crying. 

‘She let this go on for years, him flogging my sister and I. For the smallest infractions too. Talking too loud when he was watching television. Not sitting like a lady. Getting anything less than top marks in school…’ Patsy pulled one last drag of smoke before snuffing out her cigarette in the snow and letting out a long line of smoke from her mouth, ‘I remember my sister and I were playing in the lounge. Probably kicking a football around where we shouldn’t. Knocked the good brandy off the shelf and it spilled everywhere. Father heard the commotion and caught me, decided to drag me by the hair to where my mum was ironing his shirts. I just remember a lot of screaming, and then he forced her to lay the hot iron down on my back, burning me, scalding me. Said something about her needing to learn how to properly discipline us and me needing to remember what happens when children don’t do what they’re told. I was 11 when this happened-,’

‘Stop,’ Delia said, and Patsy looked over to see the woman next to her, her mittened hands pressed against her ears as she furrowed her brows, her eyes squeezed shut. 

‘That was a the last time anyone laid their hands on me,’ Patsy said, ignoring Delia’s strife, ‘though the rest of the story isn’t so happy either.’

Patsy listened as Delia took several deep breaths, and she finally opened her eyes, her gaze downward as she removed her hands from her ears and quietly spoke. 

‘What happened?’ she asked. 

Patsy sighed, and continued, ‘Mum was… mortified at what she had done. Hated herself for letting him make her do that. She had me stay home from school that day and she took care of me. Cleaning the burn, apologizing profusely and crying,’ Patsy brought her hand to her head and closed her eyes, ‘there was so much crying. When my sister came home from school, she packed up our things and took us to our Grans. Said she was finally going to leave him.’

‘Did she?’ Delia asked softly. 

Patsy merely closed her eyes and let out a sigh, ‘He came home to an empty house and realized what had happened. He called my mum and begged her to come and just talk with him. Just talk. She went back to the house alone while we stayed with our gran. He, um…’ Patsy looked down, her heart beating frantically as this was the first part of the story where she faltered. She hadn’t said any of this out loud in several years and it was starting to affect her, ‘My Gran got a visit that night from the police when my sister and I were asleep. Turned out that my father lured her home. He…,’ 

Patsy looked away, knowing full well that this part of the story always made her want to cry, and she fought off the urge as her eye gave that twitch that she despised so much. She gave into it, hoping Delia didn’t notice as she said out loud this last difficult part, ‘he shot her. He killed her and then he killed himself. A neighbor heard gunshots, and that’s how were found.’ 

Patsy took several deep breaths and regained control of her twitching, holding her hand over her eye to cover it just in case she needed to give into it again as she turned back towards Delia. 

‘Afterwards, well… Gran loved us, but she wasn’t interested in raising children again. Our lives were nothing but boarding schools and etiquette classes so we were away from family most of the time,’ Patsy went back to nervously picking at the loose strand in her jeans again. 

‘Oh, Patsy,’ Delia breathed, ‘That’s so… I’m so, so sorry.’

Patsy merely shrugged, her gaze to the ground as she couldn’t bare to look Delia in the eye, ‘It’s… you don’t need to say sorry. I just… wanted to tell you the truth about them. About how I got the scars.’ 

‘But… your arms?’ Delia asked shyly, ‘they look… they look… recent.’ 

‘I…,’ Patsy faltered, sighing as she decided to just spit it out, ‘those are from me. I don’t know when it started, but I think… I was stressed out once and it just happened. Must have felt like a caged animal that needed to chew off its own foot off to escape, so I just bit myself and… and it made me feel better. It still does, when I’m really stressed out. The pain sort of releases all the tension in my body and helps me calm down,’ Patsy looked down shyly before continuing, ‘I know it’s bad. I know it’s weird and not healthy but it’s just what works best for me. It’s the only thing in my life other than nursing I’ve felt like I’ve ever had a choice in…’ 

‘How do you mean?’ 

Patsy felt herself growing angry again. Frustrated. This conversion was bringing up all the shitty things from her past that she just wanted to forget about and move on from. 

She sighed, her brows furrowing as she forced herself to say the rest out loud, ‘Well, if it wasn’t enough that I was beaten and scarred and had no parents, it seemed like the world didn’t want me to have love either,’ Patsy frowned recalling the memory, ‘When I was in school I got a little too friendly with another classmate and we were caught. Her parents transferred her someplace else and I got to spend my summer at some Christian conversion camp, inundated with biblical brainwashing to make me into the straight little housewife god wanted me to be,’ Patsy shrugged, ‘Didn’t work. All it did was add another thing to the list of things that made me want to hate everyone. Especially myself for something that was completely out of my control.’

Patsy sighed again and hugged her knees to her chest, ‘Delia, I don’t know. My whole life I’ve been made to feel that everything about me is wrong. My existence is wrong. I hate everything about myself. I hate my body. I hate that I’m a woman. I hate that I’m gay. I’m always angry, always feel like there’s some kind of storm going on in my chest and the only thing that calms it down is hurting myself because… because I just… don’t care what happens to me. I’m ugly and disgusting and what’s another scar, hmm?’ Patsy spat bitterly, ‘At least I can make them myself now. On my own terms, how and when I want them.’ 

A mittened hand came into view and rested on Patsy's arm. Patsy looked over to see Delia, red faced and silently crying, her eyes shimmering that crystal blue that Patsy thought looked so beautiful, but she immediately hated herself for making the woman cry for the second time in as many days. 

‘Patsy, you’re not…’ Delia started, sniffling, ‘you’re not ugly. You’re not disgusting. You… you’re a good person. You help people… you… you bring new life into this world and make families happy…’ 

Patsy sighed, ‘Delia it’s alright. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me… you don’t need to say nice things about me,’ Patsy turned away from Delia, wanting to add that she out of everyone shouldn’t say nice things about her. She deserved nothing of the sort from Delia at all. 

‘I…. I shouldn’t have hit you,’ Delia said, her hands coming to her face to cover her eyes, and Patsy watched as Delia’s mouth contorted into a scowl, her teeth clenching to prevent a sob, ‘I shouldn’t have hit you…’ 

‘Hit me?’ 

‘Yesterday. I sh-shoved you and hit you. I’m s-sorry,’ Delia sniffed, harshly wiping away her tears with the back of her hands, ‘Patsy I’m so sorry.’ 

Patsy turned to face Delia, taking her hands and holding them in hers, ‘Delia, you did nothing wrong....,’ she said, dipping her head slightly to meet Delia’s eyes, ‘I swear, you did nothing wrong,’ she repeated, hoping Delia would take it to heart. 

‘Still… it makes me no better than him…,’ Delia said, whimpering slightly. 

Patsy sighed, ‘It… there’s a difference, Delia. I’m not… I’m not threatened by you. I know you’re not trying to really hurt me… and anyway I told you to do it. You had my permission.’ 

‘I won’t do it again,’ Delia said, closing her eyes and shaking her head, her fat tears rolling down her chin once more. 

Patsy brought her hand to Delia’s cheek and wiped a tear off with her thumb. 

‘That’s perfectly fine, Delia. Just don’t think you did anything wrong. I won’t have it,’ she finished with a smirk, hoping the comment would cheer her up a little. 

Delia merely sniffed and grasped Patsys hand between hers. 

‘Your hands are cold,’ she said quietly, her tears subsiding. 

Patsy sighed, forcing a smile, ‘Why don’t we go inside then, hmm?’ she said softly ‘We can have a bit of that wonderful supper you’ve made and talk about happy things?’

Delia looked back up at her with eyes that made Patsy's heart melt. 

‘Like what?’ she asked, her voice cracking as she sniffed and wiped the last of her tears from her face. 

Patsy gave into her urge to tuck Delia’s fringe behind her ear, the feeling to comfort the crying girl overwhelming her, ‘I want to hear all about Pembrokeshire, and your family,’ she said, ‘I feel like I’ve gone on too much about mine for the evening,’ she said with a smirk, and Delia simply bit her lip and nodded. 

Patsy stood and helped Delia to her feet, and the two walked back into the warm cabin together. 

The following hour passed quietly, the two women sitting at the small kitchen table while they sipped on the pork shoulder stew that Delia had managed to whip up using the sparse ingredients she found around the kitchen that afternoon. Patsy found that it was one of the best meals she had ever had. It was hearty and warm and the meal was only made a more magical and loving experience because she was sharing it with Delia. The brunette was initially hesitant to share anything about herself after hearing of Patsy's sad tales, but Patsy gently encouraged her to speak. She found it easy, after all, because for the first time in a long time she genuinely wanted to get to know someone. Once Patsy got Delia talking, the smaller woman didn’t stop. She spent the whole meal going on about her life back home in Wales, her brothers and her parents, her desire to become a nurse and her plans to travel all over the world someday. She had Patsy laughing, telling stories of all the trouble she would get in at school like getting caught smoking in the toilets or spilling paint all over a boy who wouldn’t leave her alone. Before she knew it, Patsy had had two servings of the delicious stew and for the first time in a long while she felt full, content, and just all around happy. It was made all the more delightful because Delia was there with her, showing off those dimples again that Patsy was growing more fond of by the second. 

When the two were completely stuffed, Patsy collected their bowls and began washing the dishes. She felt there was no reason to hide her arms anymore so she rolled up her sleeves and began filling the sink with warm water and soap. She was putting away the leftovers in another container when she felt Delia’s presence close to her. Patsy placed her hands on the edge of the sink as she felt Delia gingerly run her fingers over her forearms, lightly grazing her bitemarks with a sigh. 

‘Pats,’ she said softly, ‘why don’t I finish up here,’ she looked up shyly at Patsy, ‘ You go on and get ready for bed and… and then wait for me in the bedroom.’ 

Patsy blinked and raised an eyebrow at her, willing her expression to remain stoic, but there was no controlling the hot blush that spread out across her cheeks to the tips of her ears. 

Delia handed Patsy a flannel so she could dry her hands, and Patsy moved out of the way so that Delia could take her place at the sink. The brunette began scrubbing dishes, and Patsy collected herself enough to dry her hands, and head towards the bathroom. Her things were still in there from when she bathed, so she continued her bedtime routine and changed into a top and tracksuit bottoms. When she was done, she placed her rucksack back into the lounge, and headed to the bedroom, waiting for Delia as instructed. She could hear her moving around in the kitchen, pots and pans clanging noisily as she hung them back up on their hooks above the stove. 

Patsy felt nervous, not knowing what it was that Delia had in mind, or why she asked for her to wait in the _bedroom_. Patsy didn’t want to make assumptions, but the way she had said it left her imagination running wild. Unsure of what to do and not wanting to intrude on what she now thought of as Delia’s _space_ , Patsy remained standing at the side of the bed, her hands in her pockets as she paced slightly, waiting for Delia to come in. 

After several minutes, Delia came into the room and shut the door behind her, dressed in the pyjamas she had worn the night before, her hair braided and draped over her shoulder. She smiled at Patsy, who looked to her expectantly. 

‘Come here,’ Delia said, patting a spot at the edge of the bed. 

Patsy silently did as instructed, sitting on the edge of the soft bed and waited for any further instructions. 

‘I was around 16 when my grandmother died,’ Delia started as she rifled through her duffel bag that was sitting on the chest of drawers, ‘She had dementia, and had been placed in a nursing home for care. My mother made sure my brothers and I visited with her every Sunday, and, even though she was never able to remember us, my mother stressed that she was able to remember how she _felt_ when she saw us last,’ Delia said as she finally found what she was looking for and extracted a small bottle of lotion from her bag, ‘It was very important to her that we made our grandmother feel happy whenever we saw her, even though she didn’t know who we were anymore,’ Delia continued as she sat down next to Patsy on the bed, ‘My brothers would read stories to her or tell her jokes that made her laugh, and as for me,’ Delia took a dollop of lotion on her fingers and held it up to Patsy, ‘does this smell good to you?’ 

Patsy leaned forward and breathed in the scent of the lavender lotion, and she silently nodded. 

‘Good,’ Delia smiled and kneeled down on the floor in front of Patsy, the redhead looking at her with wide eyes as Delia took her left foot and cradled it in her hands, ‘when I was with my grandmother, I would wash her feet and rub her skin with lotion just like this,’ she said softly, her hands working the lotion into Patsy’s foot with a gentle pressure, ‘The point of me doing this was for me to leave her feeling relaxed and cared for, so when she saw me next, she would have that same feeling again. She may have not remembered my face but she knew that I was someone who cared for her.’ 

Patsy sat in a shocked silence as Delia fingers firmly worked the lotion into the ball and heel of her foot with her thumb and fingers, gently pulling on all her toes before she moved on to her right foot and repeated these actions. Patsys hands clutched the sheets as her heart pounded in her chest, her pulse thumped in her ears, finding herself completely confounded and unworthy of such special attention. 

Her heart only thumped harder when Delia finally looked back up at her with a kind smile. 

‘How are you feeling?’ Delia asked softly. 

‘I’m absolutely riddled with anxiety, thanks,’ Patsy said, completely honest. 

‘I know you’re not used to being touched,’ Delia said sadly with a sigh, standing and squeezing out another dollop of lotion onto her palm, ‘you’re not used to being hugged. You’ve been hurt in the past and you hurt yourself now…’ Delia trailed off with sad eyes as she gently grasped Patsy's arm and ran her thumbs over her self made bitemarks, ‘Being touched like this must feel so foreign to you, yeah?’ 

Patsy could only nodd, tucking her bottom lip into her mouth, unable to meet Delia’s eyes. 

Delia continued to rub the lotion into Patsy's arms, working her way down to her hands and fingers as she spoke, ‘Does it feel good?’ 

Patsy took a deep breath, and silently nodded again, feeling a blush spread across her cheeks. She still felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable at the special attention she was receiving as Delia firmly worked the lotion into her palms and gently pulled on each and every one of her fingers before moving onto her right arm. 

‘Good. I want this to feel good because I want you to start associating being touched with being cared for,’ Delia said softly, ‘I’ve lived a life that has been… severely wanting, at times, but the one thing I had that always kept me going was the love and support of my family. Someone to hold me and comfort me when times were tough.’ 

Patsy watched as Delia firmly rubbed the lotion into her right palm with her thumb, still wracked with nerves. 

‘Delia, I just…’ Patsy trailed off, not knowing how to say what she wanted to say. 

‘You don’t have to speak,’ Delia interjected softly. 

‘I don’t deserve this,’ Patsy spat out, ‘I’ve done nothing to deserve this kindness…’

Delia placed a gentle hand on Patsy's cheek to silence her, ‘Patsy don’t ever think you’re undeserving of any kindness. Especially from me,’ Delia softly grazed her thumb over Patsys cheek and Patsy couldn’t resist the urge to lean into her soft hand, ‘I’m doing this because I want to… and I don’t expect anything in return, at all. Alright?’ 

Patsy simply looked at her. 

Delia sighed before continuing, ‘Pats… knowing what I know now, when I look at you… I don’t see the woman I see when we first met, but I do see a woman who has suffered, and who is still in a lot of pain. When I look at you I want to be kind to you, because, like you, my instinct is to nurture those who are suffering. To care for them,’ Delia took Patsy's hand in hers in a comforting manner, looking her in the eye before continuing, ‘How do you feel?’ 

Patsy could only smirk, relaxed slightly but still a bundle of nerves, ‘I… I’m relaxed, but… I still feel so anxious…’ 

Delia patted her hand and smiled warmly, ‘It’ll start to feel more natural in time,’ she winked before placing Patsy's hand down on her knee, ‘Thank you for letting me do that, Pats.’ 

Patsy blinked, not much feeling like she was the one who ought to be thanked, but before she could say anything, Delia walked past her and pulled back the covers. 

‘Come on then, let’s tuck in.’

‘Um,’ Patsy started, her eyes wide as Delia merely shook her head at her hesitancy. 

‘No, none of that now, you’re sleeping here tonight. End of discussion,’ Delia said, patting the bed. 

Patsy worked to push down her nerves and climbed into bed, Delia tucking her in before walking to the other side and laying down under the covers next to Patsy. 

‘Come here,’ Delia said, ushering Patsy to rest her head in the crook of her shoulder. 

Patsy did as instructed, but remained tense for several moments, not at all accustomed to being held like this. She took several deep breaths in an effort to relax in the woman’s arms as she felt Delia gently run her fingers through her hair. The sensation was so intimate and intense and after having an evening of being cared for so thoroughly like this in what was probably the first time since she was a child, Patsy couldn’t help but finally relieve herself of that stress and tension in the form of the few tears that escaped and ran down her cheeks. She was thankful that Delia remained silent as she cried, continuing her soft touches as Patsy realized this was the first time in a long time that she finally felt herself become relaxed and calm without hurting herself.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness, they've come out to each other and cuddled all night. This couldn't possibly lead to something dramatic, could it? 
> 
>  
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> [Doodle!](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-4-758206650?ga_submit_new=10%3A1533856054)
> 
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> [Uh, extra doodle for next week sneak peek?](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Patsy-and-Delia-kissing-758701419)


	5. Chapter 5 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, flirting, sexual tension, more fluff, drama, fluff. Pretty much in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. Pats gets mad and throws a thing, though Delia is a rock and remains nonplussed.

The soft morning light streaming into the bedroom through the blinds woke Patsy the next morning. Before she even opened her eyes, she felt as warm and cozy as she ever remembered being, and she was hard pressed to stir and rise from her place under the heavy duvet, but she found the need to use the toilet was growing more urgent with each passing second. She rolled over slightly to her left, and her senses were filled with the scent of lavender, and more warmth next to her. Patsy reached up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before she blinked them open to see Delia sound asleep, laying on her back, snoring softly with her mouth open just slightly. The woman looked so adorable to Patsy. Thoughts from the previous evening rushed to the forefront of her memory and Patsy felt overwhelmed with emotion. She didn’t know what to do with herself just then as she looked at the woman who not only forgave her for her abhorrent behavior the previous two weeks, but was mature enough to push it all aside and give their relationship, however she defined it, a fresh start. She had even stumbled upon Patsy's deepest secret, and not only did Delia not feel sorry for her, she refused to let Patsy turn her away from showing her any kindness.

Patsy didn’t know what to do. She wanted to reach out and hold the woman next to her, but she didn’t want to wake her. More importantly, she didn’t know if Delia would have a negative reaction to being held. What right did Patsy have anyway? Anxiety rose within Patsy's chest at the thought of rejection from Delia. Maybe she was just being kind because it was in her nature, like she said. Maybe Patsy shouldn’t think that she fancied her. Did she even fancy Delia? This was all so sudden, all so new. There were a myriad of unknowns and risks for Patsy to even consider such a thing, so she closed her eyes and swallowed her feelings for the time being, resolving to just leave it for now.

Still, the urge to connect with Delia somehow after everything that had transpired the night before was overwhelming. Patsy conceded to softly press her forehead against Delia’s shoulder for only a moment and breathe in her scent. It was a small touch, a silent thanks, but to Patsy it was the deepest connection to Delia she could think to make that meant something to her, even if Delia wasn’t even awake to experience it.

It was probably for the best that she wasn’t.

Quietly, Patsy got out of bed and left the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click. As far as she could tell, Delia was still sleeping soundly.

Patsy tiptoed across the hall into the bathroom and used the toilet. As she was washing her hands, she looked down to see her bite marks had faded just the tiniest bit. Usually she would get aggravated and find some excuse to bite and reopen the old wounds before they could heal fully, but she hadn’t found herself so stressed out to the urge of biting herself in days. She smiled at the thought again of Delia rubbing lotion over her arms as hands the night before. Her skin still felt soft and smelled of lavender.

As she turned off the water and dried her hands with a flannel, Patsy caught the sight of herself in the mirror. Her eyes didn’t have bags under them, as she was accustomed to seeing. Her skin looked healthier, too, noticing she had some color to her cheeks that hadn’t been there before.

Patsy put it to the back of her mind as she left the bathroom and found her rucksack in the lounge, pulling on a jumper and some thick socks before she walked around the house opening all the curtains, filling the house with the soft natural light from the early morning sun. Well, as much sun as could get through the grey clouds. Patsy frowned with a sigh, seeing that it was snowing again, and she made a mental note to herself to make sure that Phyllis didn’t take any vacation days away from their schedule for being stuck here however many days that was going to be.

Patsy took a moment to crack her neck and stretch again, doing her signature move of reaching for the ceiling, listening to all her joints pleasantly pop and click before her mind wandered to what she was going to do today. She sighed as she stretched her muscles, thinking gloomily that she would be spending more time today outside shoveling the walk given the freshly fallen snow. Her eyes scanned the room and she realized that she had never gotten around to giving the corners a deep clean from their cobwebs. She was surprised she was able to even fall asleep in a house that hadn’t been sanitized to her standards! She resolved to skip shoveling in favor of cleaning inside today to give her back a break.

But first, tea.

Patsy headed to the kitchen and poured some water into the kettle, letting it warm on the stove. She found some sliced bread in the freezer and threw a few slices in the toaster before searching the refrigerator for any condiments to go with. She was pleased to see an already opened jar of jam in the door.

As the kettle screamed, Patsy placed two mugs on the counter with the Yorkshire tea that was still wedged in the spice rack and poured the hot water over them. While the tea steeped, she put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at the disorganized spice rack. Before she realized she was doing it, she took out all the spices and other bags of tea that weren't meant to be there, wiped the rack clean with a flannel, and placed all the spices back on the rack in alphabetical order, placing the teas in their rightful cubby above one of the kitchen counter.

Patsy nodded resoundingly at her handiwork and eyed the floor to ceiling pantry, her fingers itching to pull everything out and organize it all so everything was in their proper place and facing forward, but she resolved to drink her tea first and have a bit of breakfast before she lost herself in her cleaning and organizing.

She brought the two mugs to the small table by the window and tried to relax as she sat, looking at the pristine hillside landscape outside as the snow silently fell. It was in this moment that she thought of George and missed him, thinking that the lazy boy warming her lap while she did some newspaper crosswords would be divine right about now. She would need to try and get ahold of Trixie at some point to see if she could extend her visits to George until she and Delia could get out of here.

Patsy was lost in her thoughts as she sipped her tea. She didn’t even notice the bedroom door opening and Delia stepping into the kitchen with a yawn. Patsy almost jumped when she felt the smaller woman gently squeeze her shoulder.

‘Hey pretty girl,’ Delia said with a tired smile, and Patsy turned to look at her with a surprised expression, hear heart thumped in her chest so hard she felt herself propel forward.

‘Is that for me?’ Delia asked, looking to the second mug of tea on the table.

Patsy could only blink and silently nod, noting Delia’s braid had come slightly loose during the night and her brunette hair fell and framed her face in thick tendrils. Patsy thought she looked rather beautiful.

‘Thank you,’ Delia said softly as she sat in the chair next to Patsy, reaching to take two spoonfuls of sugar from the cup on the table and stir it into her tea.

Patsy didn’t register a thing she said as she was still running high on the first thing Delia said when she entered the kitchen.

 _Pretty girl_? Patsy thought, She called me _pretty girl_? _Me_? That absolutely does not mean she fancies me. She couldn’t. She must call all her friends pretty girl, right? I swear I’ve seen her interact with the other nurses at the clinic and she’s called them something similar. Val? Lucille? Certainly I’ve heard her call them pretty girl. Must have. She wouldn’t call me that otherwise. Wait, does she consider me a friend now?

‘Pats?’

Patsy blinked, ‘Hmm?’

‘What on earth are you thinking?’

‘Hmm? What?’ Patsy said, feeling her face grow hot, ‘I’m not thinking anything. What makes you think I’m thinking anything?’

Panicking, Patsy sipped her tea and averted her gaze from Delia and pointedly looked out the window.

Delia raised an eyebrow, bringing her mug to her face to hide her smirk, ‘There just seems to be a lot of action going on behind those eyebrows…’

Eyebrows? Patsy thought, her eyes nearly rolling to the back of her head attempting to actually see her eyebrows.

‘Oh, they, um… they have a mind of their own,’ Patsy said lamely, ‘just… pay them no attention.’

Delia shook her head, suppressing a grin. She sipped her tea and Patsy was thankful that she seemed to decide to let Patsy's weirdness go without further comment.

‘Did you sleep well?’ Delia asked.

‘Oh,’ Patsy blinked, thinking for a moment, ‘actually, now that I think about it, the last two nights I’ve had some of the deepest, least interrupted sleeps that I can remember.’

‘Hmm,’ Delia smirked, looking at Patsy with an eyebrow raised, ‘you think the lack of alcohol and increase in exercise has anything to do with it?’

Patsy opened her mouth and took in a breath of air, about to protest, when she stopped herself. Now that she thought of it, she hadn’t had _any_ alcohol in the past few days. Additionally, she had been moving her body a lot more, working the muscles all over and getting a lot more exercise than she would have just simply walking around the clinic all day. It wasn’t any wonder suddenly why she had been so tuckered our recently.

‘Huh,’ Patsy said, ‘I suppose you’re right.’

‘You would be wise to assume I’m always right, Pats,’ Delia said smug as she sipped her tea.

Patsy playfully narrowed her eyes at the brunette but decided not to comment.

Toast sprang out of the toaster noisily and Patsy rose from her seat to prepare it with jam.

‘Would you like some?’ she asked Delia, and the woman back at the table nodded. Patsy placed more bread in the toaster before sitting back down at the table.

‘You can have this if you like,’ she said, pushing the toast to Delia, ‘I can wait for the next batch.’

‘Or we can share,’ Delia said, taking one piece of toast and pushing the plate back to Patsy. The redhead nodded and the two nibbled on their toast together, their gaze turning towards the snow falling out the window.

‘So,’ Delia started with a sigh, ‘what shall we do with ourselves today?’

Patsy shrugged, ‘I was going to go out and finish shoveling the driveway but there doesn’t seem to be a point until the snow stops, so I’ll stay in and clean the house,’ Patsy said, her eyes narrowing in on another spider web in the corner of the ceiling, ‘I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long without giving this whole place a good once over.’

Delia followed her gaze to the spiderweb before turning back to Patsy with a smile, ‘Spiders are useful, Pats. They eat other bugs.’

Patsy grimaced disapprovingly, ‘Well they don’t need to do it here where _we_ eat.’

Delia giggled, ‘I’ve noticed you’re quite the tidy person. I bet you live in a spotless flat, don’t you?’

More toast noisily popped up from the toaster and Patsy rose from her seat to retrieve it.

‘Deels, you better start playing the lotto because every assumption you’ve had about me so far has been correct,’ Patsy said she she walked to the counter and spread more jam on the toast before bringing it and the kettle back to the table. She refilled Delia’s mug with more hot water and finished off what was left of it into her own.

Patsy sat down and finally looked to Delia, who was looking back at her with a goofy smile and a faint blush across her cheeks.

‘What is it?’ Patsy asked with an eyebrow raised. Delia was acting rather peculiar all of a sudden.

‘Deels?’ Delia said, her dimples showing and Patsy felt her heart flutter in her chest at the sight.

Patsy merely blinked back at her, not having the foggiest.

‘You called me Deels,’ Delia elaborated, still smiling.

Patsy felt her face grow hot, ‘Oh, um, sorry, _Delia_ ,’ she reiterated wondering where the heck Deels even came from.

‘No, it’s cute,’ Delia said, ‘I like it.’

‘Oh…’ Patsy mumbled, sipping her tea, knowing for sure how that her face was growing more red by the second with Delia gazing warmly at her.

Patsy blinked, ‘Um,’ she started, desperate to take the attention off her, ‘what, um… what did you want to do today?’

Delia finally blinked and looked away, her gaze turning up in thought, ‘Oh! Well, I suppose if you’re cleaning I could also do something to help out. I know that chicken is in there. That would be a nice hearty meal to make for dinner. Perhaps I could look around and see what else is in the cupboard and see what I can make.’

‘You want to make that entire chicken?’

‘Why not? It’ll feed us for days,’ Delia say back in her seat and looked up in thought, ‘Plenty of options with the leftovers; more stews, maybe a savory pie,’ she shrugged, ‘might even be able to whip up some curry.’

Patsy sipped her tea with a small smile, rather impressed with Delia’s resourcefulness in the kitchen.

‘Well, Delia you cooked yesterday,’ Patsy said, ‘I can take care of dinner today if you want.’

‘I don’t want,’ Delia said with a smirk, ‘besides, do you even like cooking? You mentioned when we first got here that you don’t usually cook.’

Patsy shrugged, sipping the last of her tea. The woman had a point.

‘Well I love cooking,’ Delia continued, ‘and baking. I’m not so much into deep cleaning like you seem to be,’ she tilted her head and caught Patsy's eye, ‘How about you leave the cooking to me and you can get this place smelling lemony fresh?’

Patsy gave in, nodding with a small smile that had the brunette showing off her dimples.

‘Just so long as you hold off on cooking until I can organize that damn pantry,’ Patsy said, turning around and narrowing her eyes at the floor to ceiling pantry that was bulging at the seams with disorganized and hastily put away food.

‘It’s really bothering you, isn’t it?’ Delia said with an amused smirk.

Patsy harrumphed and crossed her arms, ‘Don’t know how people live like this, just tossing things places.’

Delia hummed as she downed the last of her tea, ‘Not everyone can be as fastidious as you, Pats,’ she smiled endearingly at her before scooting her chair back, ‘Well, if you’re going to be in here cleaning, I think I’ll treat myself to a nice long bath before committing to making food all day.’

‘Sounds like a plan,’ Patsy nodded, closing her eyes tight trying to focus on the cupboard and _not_ the image of Delia bathing that popped into her head. Delia rose from her seat and collected their empty mugs and plate before sequestering herself in the bathroom, and Patsy took a deep breath of air and resolved to get to work.

* * *

In the hour that passed, Patsy had managed to pull everything from the cupboard, wipe down all the shelves, sweep, and organize everything as she placed the items back on the shelf. She repeated these steps for all the other cupboards, collecting all glasses, mugs, plates, bowls, and silverware. She fit all she could in the dishwasher and ran it, meanwhile filing the sink with soap and hot water to soak anything she found with a thick layer of grime on it from improper cleaning and neglect. She wiped down the inside of the every cupboard and the countertops, swept the floor and got down on her hands and knees to scrub all the skirting boards with an old rag she found. After mopping the floor, she took a quick break for a fag as the floor dried and then got back to work scrubbing away at the dishes in the sink, setting everything aside across all the available counter space and the table top. Soon every available space, save for the floor, was covered with pots and pans and other cookware that didn’t make it into the dishwasher.

This was the scene that Delia walked in on after her bath. Patsy turned around to see the woman with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, wearing a jumper, a clean pair of jeans, and a thick pair of socks.

‘Whoa,’ Delia said at the sight before her.

‘I know how it looks, but just give me 10 more minutes.’

Delia held her hands up and slowly backed out of the kitchen, Patsy turning back to her scrubbing with a laugh at her antics.

Just as she said, within ten minutes she had all pots and pans dried and hanging back up on their hooks above the stove, the dishes and silverware from the wash stacked up and put away on their rightful place.

Patsy raked her fingers through her hair with a resounding sigh, taking a step back and looking at her work.

‘Alright, Delia,’ she called to the house, not knowing where the brunette disappeared to, ‘it’s safe to come in now!’

Delia soon appeared and walked past Patsy, looking around and marveled at the scene before her, ‘Pats, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you actually _wanted_ to eat off the floor.’

‘Well I wouldn’t go that far,’ Patsy mumbled.

Delia opened the pantry and gasped, ‘Wow!’ she exclaimed, her eyes growing wide, ‘Patsy! My god, this looks so much better! I can find things now!’ she gasped, ‘Oh my god! Yeast!’ Delia said, excited, pulling out a packet of dried yeast, ‘I can make fresh bread for dinner tonight! Oh Pats, I could kiss you!’

Patsy was thankful that Delia was so distracted by her impressive organization skills to notice that she visibly stiffened and blushed at her words.

‘Where’s the flour? I need to mix this and get it proving right away,’ Delia said, her eyes scanning the shelves.

Patsy stepped forward and reached over Delia’s head, picking up a bag of white flour from a high self and placed it down on the counter.

‘There you go,’ she said, turning her attention back to the top shelf. She reached up again and felt around for a moment before retrieving a scale, ‘you might need this too if you’ll be baking,’ she finished, placing the scale down next to the flour.

Patsy turned to Delia and could only blink as the brunette looked back at Patsy with a smile and a faint blush across her cheeks.

‘What is it?’

‘Hmm?’ Delia hummed, blinking and shaking her head slightly, ‘Oh, nothing!’ she laughed nervously, ‘Who needs a step ladder when I have you around, Pats.’

Patsy scratched the back of her head. She found Delia’s awkwardness rather endearing, ‘Suppose I can be of _some_ use in the kitchen, yeah,’ she mumbled shyly.

Delia smiled, ‘Well, right now you’re in the way,’ she teased, ‘and there’s nothing that irritates me more than two people trying to work in the kitchen at the same time.’

Patsy was shocked when Delia grabbed her by the arms and turned her around, gently pushing her towards the lounge.

‘Now out with you,’ she gave Patsy a light smack on the behind to emphasize her point before turning and making herself busy in the kitchen.

Patsy felt all the hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight and her shoulders hunch, feeling much like a startled cat as she stumbled into the lounge.

Did Delia really just smack her arse?

Every butterfly known to existence seemed to have settled in Patsy's stomach and she had to slap her hand over her mouth to prevent them from exploding out of her as some kind of maniacal laugh that was on the verge of escaping her throat.

Delia did smack her on her arse! And… and the way she was looking at her when she reached for the flour…

Patsy had a hunch and reached for the ceiling, looking down to see her jumper and top rise exponentially to expose her midriff.

Patsy turned scarlet realizing that Delia was…

No. No. No.

Patsy shook her head, her hair falling into her eyes as she calmed down. She pursed her lips and let out a puff of air to blow her fringe out of her eyes as she looked above herself, eyeing the cobwebs and other grime that had settled in the corners for however long the house had been unoccupied.

Patsy blinked, and then nodded her head, resolving to get back to her task at hand and try not to think about the woman in the kitchen.

She fished around in her pocket and retrieved a hair tie and pulled back her thick red locks.

‘Hey Pats, did you happen to see-,’

Delia walked in and cut herself off as she laid eyes on Patsy, her gaze immediately on the taller woman's midriff. The redhead saw her looking and blushed, quickly finishing up with her hair before addressing Delia.

‘Did I happen to see what?’ she asked, trying to look casual as she tugged on her jumper to cover herself.

‘Hmm?’ Delia asked, blinking frantically and looking Patsy in the eye.

Patsy raised an eyebrow, ‘Did you need something?’

Delia looked around confused, a smile suddenly spreading across her face as her cheeks turned pink, ‘Um, you know what? I forgot what I came in here for, so I’m just going to, um,’ Delia pointed her thumb over her shoulder, ‘you know,’ she began to turn around and almost bonked her head against the door frame before straightening herself and running back to the kitchen without another word.

Patsy blinked, her jaw slack and she absolutely marveled at the sight, her own face feeling hot as she realized Delia _was_ actually checking her out.

Patsy shook her head, thinking to herself that, no, still never going to happen.

She couldn’t help but roll up her sleeves with a smile, though, thinking that the validation was nice. At least there was someone out there who thought she was attractive enough to almost hurt themselves because they found her so distracting.

Patsys smile only grew, thinking that if anyone out there found her attractive, she was glad it was Delia.

* * *

Another hour had passed, and Patsy found herself flitting between the bedroom and bathroom in that time. She made herself busy starting from the top of each room and working her way down, creating that bleach solution she was fond of to rid all the corners of those cobwebs, finally, wiping down all the shelves and counters and tables and windowsills. After ridding the two rooms of grime, she happily swept the wood floors throughout the house, creating little piles of dirt and god knows what else to sweep up and toss out in the rubbish bin.

She saved the lounge for last as it was the biggest room, repeating the steps she took from the other two and started from the top down, her arms reaching up to wipe off all the cobwebs and grime, wipe down the windowsills, and she gave special attention to the bookshelves that were placed on either side of the fireplace, taking time to read the spines of the various books and movies that were precariously shoved together. Patsy put down her dirty rags and began rearranging the books, placing them on the top shelves in order by author, naturally, while the movies were organized on the bottom. She wiped the sweat from her brow and began working on the other bookshelf, expecting more movies at the bottom, but instead she found something that made a smile spread across her face.

A record player.

Patsy kneeled down and saw that there were two small speakers on either side of the player, and on the shelf underneath were two crates, stuffed to the brim of 45’s from decades past, all spanning a wide variety of genres. Patsy pulled out the crates and put them aside, resolving to spend some time looking through them later.

Just then Delia appeared in the lounge and looked down at Patsy.

‘Ooh, what’s that you’ve got there?’ she asked, craning her head to look into the crates cautiously.

Patsy smiled and pulled out a record, displaying it to Delia as if it were a gift, ‘They’re records!’

Delia gave a disheartening, ‘Oh.’

‘Ok, well, _I’m_ excited to go through these later,’ Patsy said, and she couldn’t help but giggle at Delia’s disappointment that it wasn’t something more interesting to her.

Patsy stood to her feet and Delia reached out and plucked at her dusty jumper, ‘Lunch is ready. Go and wash up so I can feed you,’ she said as she turned and walked back into the kitchen.

‘Delia, we’ve discussed this,’ Patsy said to her retreating form, ‘I can perfectly well feed myself.’

Her exclamation went unheard as she entered the kitchen to see Delia happily filling a bowl for her of the previous evenings leftovers, pork shoulder stew.

Patsy grabbed her rucksack and walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind her as she changed out of her dirty, dust covered jumper, socks, and tracksuit bottoms, and slipped on a pair of shorts for the time being, resolving to bathe after she had eaten.

Patsy left the bedroom and joined Delia, washing her hands in the kitchen sink while Delia took their food to the table, the brunette giving an appreciative glance at Patsy’s new outfit, which did not go unnoticed by the taller woman. The two sat at the table, and for the second time that day they shared a meal together. It was more than Patsy had done in a long time, and she didn’t know if it was the thought of that or the delicious, hearty stew that made her feel warm inside. Regardless, she was happy to be sitting at the table once more sharing a meal with Delia.

‘I swear this is even more delicious the second time around,’ Patsy hummed approvingly as she sipped her lunch.

Delia smiled as she blew on her spoonful of steaming stew, ‘I think home cooking suits you, Pats.’

‘Suits me?’ Patsy asked, confused.

‘Yeah,’ Delia smiled, ‘You’re a hard worker. A good, hearty meal is probably just what you need when you come home at the end of the day.’

Patsy smirked, ‘You offering?’

‘Keep complimenting my cooking and I just might,’ Delia swallowed her bite, ‘If you ask nicely,’ she added with a wink.

Patsy almost dropped her spoon.

Blushing profusely, she dug back into her meal and the two quietly ate before Patsy had the gumption to try and broach another subject.

‘I’m looking forward to going through those records later,’ she said, ‘looks like there’s a lot of variety.’

Delia shrugged, disinterested.

‘Oh, come on,’ Patsy smiled, ‘I’m sure we can find something in there that you like.’

Delia rocked her head from side to side, ‘Oh, alright,’ she conceded, ‘just as long as you find something I can dance to, I suppose.’

‘I bet I can,’ Patsy said with a smile, taking one last bite of her lunch before pushing her empty bowl away, ‘but before that, let’s take a look at that ankle.’

‘Patsy!’ Delia exclaimed with a blush, ‘I told you it’s fine. I’ve been on it all day with no problem.’

‘If it’s fine then let me check and you can dance to your heart's content later,’ Patsy scooted her chair to face Delia and patted her lap, ‘prop it up here. Let’s see.’

Delia rolled her eyes and propped her right foot on Patsy’s lap as instructed, meanwhile picking her bowl up from off the table and continuing to spoon delicious stew into her mouth. Patsy slowly removed her sock before cradling the heel of her foot in the palm of her hand. The professional side of Patsy merely meant to check for swelling and redness around her ankle, and she carefully took her two fingers and thumb, wrapping them around her ankle to do just that. Patsy noticed that the swelling that was there two days ago had gone, just like Delia said. She took the palm of her hand and pressed it against the pad of her foot, pushing gently.

‘Does it hurt when I do this?’ she asked, feeling herself blush for some reason.

Delia put her empty bowl down on the table with a clink and crossed her arms, closing her eyes. Patsy noticed that she too was rather pink in the cheeks. Patsy was going to assume it was due to the hot meal they just had.

‘No, not at all,’ Delia said, keeping her eyes closed. Her brows were furrowed as if she were concentrating on something.

Patsy took both of her hands now and firmly grasped Delia’s leg just above her ankle, gently pulling her fingers and thumbs down over the skin, applying a gentle pressure.

‘Still alright?’

Delia giggled shyly, still keeping her eyes closed, ‘I’ll tell you if it hurts.’

Noting that Delia’s eyes were closed, Patsy tucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she took the chance to really gaze down at her foot. She returned to cradling her heel in the palm of her right hand while the thumb of her left hand slowly grazed up the arch of her foot. And what an arch it was. There was something about it that attracted Patsy to it. The aesthetics of it, the beautiful curve that drew her eye upwards to the pad of her foot that seemed to have been sculpted. The skin wasn’t too hard, or too soft, just tough enough to know that Delia used these feet. Even the oblong shape of her toes seemed absolutely perfect. Patsy suddenly felt her mouth water, overcome with the desire to take that toe into her mouth and pull on it like her thumb and forefinger were doing right this instant.

Patsy blinked.

She did not have a foot fetish.

That was the thought that flashed through her mind in that instant.

No. She had seen dozens, if not hundreds of feet throughout her medical profession and never once had she been so attracted to one damn foot.

‘If you’re going to do all that you may as well do the other one for good measure,’ Delia said with a smile.

Patsy laughed feebly as she was brought back to the moment. One hand gently grasped Delia’s leg behind her knee and slowly guided her right foot back down to the ground while she grasped her other leg and foot with the same delicacy, and placed her foot in her lap.

This was a mistake that Patsy immediately regretted. One quick move from Delia and that foot placed so precariously in her lap could very well slide right between her legs, and Patsy was sure she wouldn’t do anything to stop it in that moment. She was so turned on that just the thought of Delia touching her there with her foot had her squirming in her seat, but she clenched her teeth and pushed forward as to not arouse (for lack of a better word) any suspicion.

Mimicking her actions from before, she slowly peeled off Delia’s sock to reveal a mirrored foot that was just as perfectly sculpted as the other. The sock was immediately forgotten and fell to the floor.

Patsy grasped Delia's leg with both hands just above her ankle and pulled gently, and Patsy looked up to see Delia’s reaction. The woman still had her arms crossed over her chest, eyes closed, her brows furrowed looking as if she was concentrating on something. Patsy couldn’t help but notice Delia’s cheeks were considerably more red, but otherwise she remained stone faced.

Patsy’s attention turned back to the foot in her lap as she once again cradled her heel in her right palm, her left hand coming to firmly pull on the top of Delia’s foot, her hand moving around the press her thumb into the arch of her foot and press in and upwards. This motion extracted a strained sigh from Delia and Patsy had to clench her own jaw tight to prevent any kind of noise from escaping her mouth.

Both thumbs now pushed inward and up firmly, her fingers coming to clamp down on and pull gently on each and every one of her toes, each one looking more and more delectable to Patsy as she pulled on them. Patsy wanted to let out a frustrated sigh. Why was she so turned on by this? Why did she want to put Delia’s toes in her mouth? Why was the feel of Delia’s feet, the shape, hell, even the smell of them, having such an effect on her? She still had no idea, but this needed to end soon or she was going to do something she would regret.

Patsy blinked, knowing enough to realize her desire currently superseded her ability to think coherently.

She took one deep breath, the smell of Delia's feet searing itself into her brain before she cautiously grasped Delia’s leg behind her knee and gently guided her foot back down on the floor.

The movement had Delia’s eyes opening again.

‘Well,’ Patsy started, sure as rain that she was the color of a tomato, ‘hopefully that makes up for the wonderful massage you gave me last night.’

Patsy clenched her teeth and looked away, mortified and embarrassed that those words even came out of her mouth.

Delia laughed shyly, sitting up in her seat, ‘Think that might have been better.’

The two women shared an awkward moment where neither could look the other in the eye.

Suddenly, the two spoke quickly, rising from their seats.

‘Well, I’m going to have a bath, then...’

‘I’ll just tidy up in here...’

‘Right.’

‘Right.’

The two headed in opposite directions and Patsy didn't exhale until she grabbed her rucksack and locked the bathroom door shut behind her.

She threw down her bag and turned on the water, letting the steam from the hot water fill the small bathroom as she leaned against the door and took deep breaths, her eyes closed as she recounted what had just happened.

Patsy could only think of one thing, the images flashing through her mind in an instant. The shape and look of Delia’s feet. The feeling of her skin against her hands. The smell of her.

The smell.

Patsy unconsciously brought her hands up to her face and cupped them over her nose and mouth. She took a deep breath of the scent that lingered there, that smell of lavender lotion and salt that was distinctly Delia’s and Patsy felt a painful pulse of desire shoot through her body, her sex throbbed painfully between her legs, and she coudon’t resist any longer. Her right hand was beneath the elastic waistband of her shorts in an instant, between her legs and coating her own fingers with the wetness that had gathered there. Patsy clenched her teeth, holding the aching moan in her throat she wanted to let out as she smelled Delia’s scent on her left hand, the fingers of her right stroking her hard clit, working skilfully to make herself come quickly. Patsy’s mind flashed to those perfect feet again, how they looked so perfect in her hands, the shape of them. She wanted to cradle them in the palm of her hands, bring them to her face, smell them, kiss them, open her mouth and taste them. She wanted to lavish those feet with the attention they deserved, make Delia cry out in pleasure, she wanted to kiss her way up the brunettes leg, tease her with her mouth, through her knickers, smell her, lick her, devour her, make her come with her tongue, make her cry out…

Patsy felt her body tense and come undone, her pussy throbbing, releasing that aching desire in waves that shook her body, had her rolling her hips into her hand as she came. She kept her hand over her mouth to suppress any noise, only allowing herself to sigh as her whole body wanted to let go, release that tension in any way possible. When Patsy's body ceased its quivering, she slowly removed her hand from her shorts, brought her other hand down away from her mouth, and blinked her eyes open. She saw that the mirror had fogged completely from the hot water that was pounding against the wall, blocking her reflection. In a way, she was glad she couldn’t see herself in that moment, because it would only intensify the shame she felt for having just done that.

* * *

Patsy had taken her time in the shower to really think things over.

There was no possible way it could happen. It couldn’t. They were coworkers. She was her superior. She was supposed to be a mentor. Anything inappropriate like that and it would be an HR nightmare. She was ten years older than Delia, for god's sake. The girl might fancy her but she would get over it. She would want to be with people her own age. People who had energy and actually liked going out and dancing and whatever else it was that young people did. Patsy had already lived that life and was not interested in returning to keep up with some young girl. Woman. She was a woman, Patsy chastised herself, and she needed to get into the habit of thinking of her as such.

Regardless, she was still young and off limits. Patsy needed to remember those boundaries and adhere to them.

Patsy blew her hair dry before pulling it back, and she completed her after-shower routine, putting lotion on her face, filing her nails, even brushed her teeth. She didn’t see the need to apply makeup so she went without, and dressed in a thermal, jumper, and a clean pair of jeans and socks. She tucked her thermal into her jeans, hoping to prevent anymore sneak peeks at her midriff. If Delia was attracted to her, she could at least try to curb any temptation by keeping herself covered properly.

She left the bathroom after she was fully dressed and collected her dirty clothes, thinking she could continue her desire to clean by running a load of laundry through the wash. Patsy scooped up all her dirty clothes in her arms along with the rags she used to clean and walked them to the kitchen, where she spotted Delia sitting on the floor, sifting through the bottom shelf in the pantry.

Patsy dropped her clothes on the floor and looked over to Delia, who was leaning forward and elbow deep in the pantry scrounging around for something or other.

‘I’m going to do the laundry if you want to throw in anything,’ Patsy said.

Delia looked over her shoulder to Patsy with a smile, ‘Sure, give me a moment and I’ll go and get my things.’

Delia turned back to her task and Patsy’s eyes unconsciously wandered down Delia’s figure, her body precariously positioned to where her shapely bum and thighs were displayed for Patsy to admire through her tight jeans. That painful bolt of desire almost rocked Patsy's body again as thoughts of her earlier fantasies flashed through her mind once more, and Patsy shut her eyes, willing herself to stop thinking about sex and stop objectifying Delia.

Patsy looked down at the very unsexy pile of laundry at her feet and placed a hand on the counter, forcing herself to say something that would distract her.

‘What are you looking for?’ she asked.

‘Well, as I was prepping the chicken,’ Delia said, her voice muffled slightly from being so far inside the pantry, ‘I realized that I had forgotten all about dessert.’

‘Oh?’ Patsy asked, ‘What are you planning on making?’

Delia grinned and held up two cans of fruit.

‘Peach pie!’

Patsy closed her eyes and looked away. Well, she thought resentfully, the idea of _not_ thinking about sex just flew right out the window.

She cleared her throat and blinked her eyes open, Delia now standing and placing the canned fruit on the counter.

‘We, um,’ Patsy started, desperately trying to think of something to say, ‘we have the ingredients for that?’

Delia nodded with a smile, walking through the kitchen to the bedroom. Patsy could hear her list off the ingredients as she asked around.

‘Flour, butter, salt, and sugar,’ she said as she returned to the kitchen with an armful of her dirty clothes, ‘and a bit of water, too,’ she kneeled down in front of Patsy and opened the washing machine, tossing her clothes in.

‘Oh, I can do that,’ Patsy said, and Delia stood to let her throw in the rest of the dirty clothes and cleaning rags. Patsy listened on as she threw in the detergent and started the machine.

‘For the filling,’ Delia continued, turning and reaching for a mug, ‘Peaches, of course, as it was really the only canned fruit I could find that I prefer in a sweet pie,’ she said as she placed a teabag in the mug, ‘then more butter, cinnamon, nutmeg, and sugar,’ she looked to the spice rack above the stove and then looked to Patsy, ‘all of which I was able to conveniently find as I see you’ve marvelously organized the spice rack,’ she smiled to Patsy before pouring hot water into the mug.

Patsy shyly shrugged as the washing machine quietly hummed to life next to her, ‘It was bothering me that it was all out of sorts…’

‘I really am quite impressed with our cleaning skills Pats. Maybe when we get back to London, I could offer you a trade.’

‘A trade?’

Delia nodded, ‘Your cleaning for my cooking. Goodness knows my flat could use a little love.’

Patsy closed her eyes once more, the word ‘flat’ triggering something in her brain that made her think inappropriate things all of a sudden, but she couldn’t quite figure out why.

‘Uh, sure,’ she said softly, blinking her eyes open once again and suddenly saw Delia standing right next to her.

Patsy took a step back, ‘Um, is there anything else I can help with?’ she asked nervously, looking anywhere but at Delia. With the cleaning done to her standards, and laundry running through the wash, she couldn’t really think of anything else that was left to do for the time being.

Delia shook her head, smiling kindly up at Patsy as she handed her the mug of hot tea.

‘You’ve done more than enough today,’ Delia said softly, and Patsy felt Delia’s hand on the small of her back as she gently ushered her out of the kitchen.

‘Go and relax,’ Delia continued, ‘Do something you enjoy. I know you’re probably itching to look through those records.’

Patsy smiled, ‘Gosh, I had nearly forgotten about those,’ she said as she entered the lounge.

She placed her tea on a nearby end table and sat down in front of the two crates of records, her long fingers skimming through them. Her eyes widened admiringly and her smile grew into a grin as she pulled out an old Fleetwood Mac record. She couldn’t wait to play it and hear how it sounded on vinyl.

Patsy was so enchanted at the treasures before we that she barely noticed Delia staring at her, the woman looking down at her with her with a small smile, her hand placed on the frame to the kitchen door.

Patsy blinked up at her.

‘What is it?’ she asked.

Delia smiled back, her cheeks turning pink slightly as she replied, ‘Nothing, I just like seeing you happy.’

Patsys heart suddenly leapt in her throat as she watched Delia slowly turn and walk into the kitchen, leaving her alone in the lounge with the records.

Patsys smile returned fully thinking of Delia’s words. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and her whole body was humming with affection.

Delia was right. She was happy. She was the happiest she had been in a long, long time, and the thought of that made Patsy bring her sleeve to her face to wipe away the tears that stung in her eyes and threatened to fall.

* * *

The sun had long set for the evening, and Delia and Patsy shared another wonderful hearty dinner of chicken and vegetables with buttered bread, Delia joking when she said they would dine like kings while biting into a meaty drumstick. A freshly baked peach pie cooled off on the counter, waiting for them when their stomachs settled from dinner and they had enough room for the delicious dessert. In the meantime, the two women found themselves in the lounge, the room lit with the soft yellow glow of lamps and the warm fire crackling in the hearth.

Patsy lay on the floor on her back, her ankle crossed over her knee, records scattered around her as she pulled each and every one out of their crate and read the jackets while listening to the sweet sounds of songs from her grandparents era; Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, Dion, The Supremes, Leslie Gore, Buddy Holly, among others. Delia sat content from her spot on the sofa, crossed legged under a thick blanket while she knitted a pair of thick mittens for Patsy, the redhead given specific instructions to not go outside until she had finished. She had brought her knitting gear to keep her occupied during the long trip to Aberdeen, but unfortunately forgot when she threw her things in the boot that first day of their trip.

The soft clicking of Delia’s knitting needles accompanying the soft music playing from the record lulled Patsy into a relaxed state. The fire was warm, and her jumper was cozy. She was certain if she didn’t move soon she would fall asleep right then and there on the floor.

‘You know,’ Delia started from her spot on the sofa, and Patsy looked over to her as she continued, ‘my phone has been dead for quite some time, and I’m starting to realize I don’t miss it.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah…’ Delia trailed off, settling her craft in her lap and looking out the window. The view was pitch black save for the few white snowflakes they could see falling, ‘It’s sort of like a radio silence. Away from social media and all that, seeing what my friends are up to on a moment by moment baiss. I mean, it’s nice, but for some reason I just… don’t miss it. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, you know,’ Delia turned and looked to Patsy with a small smile, ‘I feel like I’m more in the moment.’

Patsy could only give a reassuring smile and nod.

Delia gave a small laugh, ‘You know, with you sitting there listening to records and me here knitting, I almost feel as if we’ve stepped back in time,’ she turned to Patsy with a raised eyebrow, ‘Do you think our grandparents spent their time like this? Like in the 1950’s?’

‘Oh, no doubt,’ Patsy said, turning her head to yawn into her hand.

‘Oh, none of that now,’ Delia said, putting her knitting aside, ‘You promised a dance with me.’

‘I did no such thing,’ Patsy quipped with a small smile and a blush, ‘You said you wanted me to find something _you_ could dance to.’

‘Yes, and I fully expect you to participate,’ Delia said, rising from her seat and kneeling to join Patsy on the floor.

‘You want me to dance with you?’ Patsy asked bemused from her spot on the floor.

Delia looked down at her with a smile. Her long brunette hair fell over her shoulder in thick tendrils and caught Patsy’s eye, the woman on the floor momentarily frozen and silent with a lopsided grin on her face from such beauty.

‘I insist,’ Delia said softly.

Patsy took a deep breath and rose from the floor to a sitting position, looking around her at the dozens of records she had spread around her. She hummed to herself as she searched, wanting to find something rather fast paced to try and resist dancing too close for comfort, anyway.

‘Here we go,’ she said, picking up a record by Billy Vaughn.

She pulled the vinyl out of its jacket, placing it down on the player and slowly laying the needle to the record.

Patsy rose and took Delia’s hand to help her stand, ‘I assume you know the twist?’ she asked.

Rhythmic brass instruments accompanied by a bass and drums filled the room.

The two woman listened to the music for a moment, finding the beat before shyly rocking and swaying in time with the music, their giggles and shy glances accompanying their initial awkward steps.

‘Ooh, I like the sound of this song,’ Delia said as she interlocked her hand with Patsy’s, ‘I imagine many of our relatives were conceived to it in the back of a cadillac,’ she said with a sly smirk.

‘Oh Deels, no need to be crude,’ Patsy winked teasingly with a blush.

Delia raised a challenging eyebrow, ‘What’s the song called?’

Patsy faltered, smirking slightly, ‘Raunchy.’

Delia gave a triumphant ‘Um-hmm’ before allowing herself to be twirled with a slight giggle.

The two women wiggled their hips for a bit in time with the song, giggling as they grew accustomed to dancing with one another before it ended, and Patsy went to change the record.

‘Let’s jump a decade, shall we?’ Patsy said, kneeling to the floor and sifted through the records on the floor to pick up an old 45 without a jacket. She softly blew a thin layer of dust off the record before walking on her knees over to the player and placing it down.

The record clicked and crackled to life and ‘Twist and Shout’’ by The Beatles began to play and Delia hopped about excitedly.

‘Ooh, I know this one!’

‘You better!’ Patsy said with a smile.

Patsy stood and Delia took her hand, immediately twirling the redhead around, the two women falling into a fit of giggles and shy smiles as they found their rhythm. The women belted out the lyrics together as they danced, Patsy feeling rather silly as she hadn’t done anything like this in such a long time, but she was finding that the more she was around Delia the more she could let her guard down and be herself.

The song ended and the record hissed gently over the speakers. Patsy watched as Delia raked her fingers through her long hair, her face flush with exertion as her wide smile showed off those dimples again that more and more had Patsy swooning each time she saw them.

‘I want to do a slow one now,’ Delia said, breaking Patsy's spell. The redhead looked away quickly and removed the 45 from the player before she kneeled down at the scattered records on the floor.

‘A slow one?’ Patsy asked, looking through the records, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously, ‘Why a slow one?’

‘Variety is the spice of life, Pats,’ Delia said with her nose turned up, ‘Besides, I want to know what kind of dance moves you learned in all those etiquette classes.’

Patsy smiled and shook her head, ‘Those were separate lessons, and I certainly didn’t learn to dance to any of this,’ she said, picking up a 45 by The Flamingos.

‘Well you learned to do something, yes? Waltz, at least?’ Delia asked with her hands on her hips.

‘Yes, but waltzing is different than slow dancing to doo-wop,’ Patsy said as she placed the record down on the player. She placed the needle gently down on the vinyl and turned to face Delia.

‘Well show me,’ Delia insisted, holding out her hands.

Patsy sighed. She could feel her ears turning red as she grasped Delia’s hands, placing Delia’s left hand on her shoulder as she grasped her right.

‘It’s a lot like the slow dancing you probably did at school dances and the like,’ Patsy said as the song crackled to life, ‘you just kind of sway like this,’ she finished and tentatively placed her right hand on Delia’s hip.

‘Wouldn’t know,’ Delia said as she rocked in time with Patsy, ‘I never really had a chance to go to any dances because I was looking after my brothers.’

Patsy sighed, feeling sad, wondering what else Delia may have missed out on because of her responsibilities at home. Unconsciously, Patsy's grip on Delia’s hand tightened and she pulled Delia closer to her with her right hand. Her heart skipped several beats as Delia rested her head against her shoulder, and she closed her eyes, willing herself to softly breath in the subtle scent of Delia’s flowery shampoo.

‘What’s this song?’ Delia asked softly.

‘I only have eyes for you,’ Patsy said.

‘Yes, but what is the song called?’

Patsy furrowed her brows and smiled down at the cheeky girl as she pinched her nose, Delia merely laughing and batting Patsy’s hand away.

Patsy noted that Delia’s cheeks looked about as red as Patsy's felt in that moment.

‘So is this how you woo women?’ Delia asked.

Patsy blinked, ‘Pinching them when they’re being cheeky?’ she smiled as she grasped Delia’s hand again and swayed.

Delia shook her head, ‘No, silly. Dancing. I bet you have ladies falling over themselves to dance with you at the clubs.’

Patsy smiled shyly and shrugged, ‘Delia, would it be hard for you to believe that clubs aren’t really my thing?’

‘Oh, I suppose not. How about a quiet pub then? Or some back alley coffee shop in Soho where pretty girls play guitar and read poetry on stage.’

‘I think that’s more scene, yeah,’ Patsy smiled.

‘Would you like to go sometime?’ Delia asked, looking up at Patsy.

Patsy looked back down at Delia, her heart thumping in her chest frantically.

‘Go?’

‘Yeah,’ Delia said, her smile widening to show those dimples again, ‘when we get back to London we should go out.’

‘Go out?’ Patsy repeated, blinking. Was Delia asking her out?

Delia laughed, ‘Yes, Patsy! Are you having trouble hearing me?’ she teased.

Patsy gave a feeble laugh and hoped Delia couldn’t feel her breaking out into a cold sweat.

‘But… yes,’ Delia continued shyly as they swayed, ‘I think it would be fun to go out with you.’

‘You think it’d be fun?’ Patsy teased, starting to feel tense with Delia in her arms, ‘You think I’m fun? Me? Of all the people…’

Delia laughed, ‘I think you’re loads of fun, Pats!’ she said smiling, catching Patsy's eye, ‘Do you think _I’m_ fun?’

‘Yes, but…’ Patsy sighed, unsure of how to derail the woman in her arms when she seemed so adamant about this.

‘No buts,’ Delia interrupted, ‘When we get back to London we’ll go out. Just the two of us.’

‘Delia…’ Patsy started again, her heart sinking in her chest.

‘Don’t overthink it,’ Delia said softly, her smile fading, ‘just say yes.’

‘Delia, I’m…’ she paused, sighing, knowing she was overthinking it, ‘I’m sorry. I can’t go out with you.’

Delia looked up at Patsy, slightly concerned, ‘Whyever not?’

Patsy stopped swaying and pulled away from Delia, removing herself from her hold as the song ended. She nervously bit her lip as she struggled to think of the right words to say, her mind thinking back on all the reasons she went over with herself during her shower. She blushed remembering what had transpired even before that and couldn’t bare to look Delia in the eye.

‘It just can’t… it can’t happen,’ Patsy said, shaking her head as her gaze turned to the floor.

Patsy quickly brushed past Delia to the record player. She removed the record and placed it back in its sleeve. Delia’s eyes followed Patsy's movements and Patsy tried to ignore Delia’s gaze boring into her with such an intensity it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand.

‘Why?’ Delia finally asked, placing her hands on her hips.

‘Plenty of reasons,’ Patsy mumbled, still avoiding Delia’s eyes as she placed the record back in the crate.

Delia placed her hands on her hips and shifted from one foot to the other.

‘Like?’ she asked, challengingly, raising an eyebrow.

‘Well…’ Patsy started, turning to face Delia, ‘We work together. I’m supposed to be your supervisor. It just… it wouldn’t be right,’ she finished, hoping that would suffice.

‘Patsy, I don’t care about all that. I’m completely able to separate my personal and professional life. I certainly know you are, too.’

Patsy shook her head, ‘Delia there’s a power dynamic we’d have to consider…’

‘Power dynamic?’ Delia repeated, smirking slightly, ‘Patsy we both very well know you’re too much a stickler for the rules to give me any special privileges, and I’m certainly not one to fuck up a stable job like this by being careless with my relationships.’

Patsy chewed on her nail nervously, looking to the floor.

‘Is that all then?’ Delia asked, ‘Because if it is, it’s a pretty lousy excuse.’

‘Delia,’ Patsy sighed, growing annoyed, ‘you’re… you don’t want to date me. I’m too old for you.’

‘Don’t tell me what I want,’ Delia said, her voice calm but her expression growing serious, ‘besides I think the only person here who has ever had a problem with age is you.’

‘Delia, 21 is vastly different from 31,’ Patsy said, feeling herself grow angry.

‘That’s ridiculous. I’m sure you would be perfectly fine dating someone in their 40’s,’ Delia replied flippantly.

‘That’s different!’ Patsy said terse.

‘How on earth is that different?’

‘You’re young, that’s why!’ Patsy exclaimed, throwing her hands up, ‘You have energy. You’re at the age where you should be dating varieties of people and staying out until four in the morning getting pissed with your mates, not be tied to someone older who just wants to stay in and listen to records and be introverted or whatever the fuck else it is I do,’ Patsy trailed off, beginning to pace. She was feeling rather agitated by having to explain things she thought were pretty self explanatory.

‘There you go making assumptions again without actually asking me anything about myself,’ Delia seethed, clenching her fists at her sides, ‘Pats, I’ve been having one of the best evenings of my life here with you and all we are doing is spending it together doing something we both enjoy. I don’t need clubs. I don’t need to get pissed. If this is a glimpse into what a relationship with you is like, then it’s what I want!’

Patsy closed her eyes and turned, raking her fingers through her ginger hair as she walked into the kitchen.

‘Patsy, please don’t walk away from me,’ Delia said, following Patsy but giving the woman space.

Patsy walked the length of the kitchen and placed her hands along the brim of the kitchen sink, her shoulders hunched as she closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. She didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to raise her voice, not at Delia, not again, ever. There was frustration and anger bubbling within Patsy that she was afraid would spill over and she would say something she would regret. Why did Delia have to push this? Why couldn’t she just accept that they couldn’t be? Accept that she could do so much better than Patsy.

‘Delia, a relationship with me is something you don’t want,’ Patsy said as calmly as she could, ‘You don’t want this.’

‘So this is about you then?’ Delia asked.

‘Yes!’ Patsy exclaimed, turning to her, ‘it’s _absolutely_ about me, Delia, because you’re fine and I’m _not_ , alright? You know this.’

‘What do you mean _I’m fine_?’

Patsy brought her hand to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘You know what I mean,’ she seethed. She was growing exceptionally annoyed with the woman’s stubbornness and it was taking everything within her not to lose her temper and yell.

Patsy remained silent as Delia stared at her, taking deep breaths through her nose as she locked eyes on Patsy's face.

Patsy sighed and continued softly, ‘Delia, I don’t know if I’m capable of being a good girlfriend to you… or anyone for that matter.’

‘That’s complete bullshit,’ Delia spat, glaring at Patsy.

Patsy looked back at her confused.

‘I know what you’re capable of, Patsy,’ Delia said, taking a step forward, ‘you’re absolutely someone who is capable of opening up and caring for someone else... Loving them. I know you can do it, because I’ve been on the receiving end of it.’

Patsy opened her mouth but Delia cut her off before the redhead had a chance to protest.

‘No matter how many times I knock you down, you’re going to get back on your feet and make sure I’m taken care of? Hmm? That’s what you said to me, isn’t it? After I fell and sprained my ankle?’ Delia asked rhetorically, tears springing to her eyes, ‘and then you _fucking_ did it, Patsy, you stayed true to your word and you fucking did it! You can’t stand there and tell me that anyone would have just done something like that. You made a promise and you kept it and showed me that I can trust you, and… and,’ Delia swallowed hard, her gaze faltering slightly as she searched for words, ‘and above all, that needs to be the stronghold in any relationship, doesn’t it? Trust?’

Delia looked to Patsy for some kind of validation, but Patsy was frozen in place, unable to move or speak or even think of anything to say, though she knew the woman in front of her was right.

‘I trust you, Patsy,’ Delia finally said, and Patsy watched the muscles in Delia’s jaw clench, the woman looking as if she was trying not to cry, ‘and you trust me. I know you do,’ she finished, her voice wavering slightly.

‘Delia…’ Patsy started feebly.

‘No, Patsy,’ Delia continued, ‘You… you told me about yourself. About your past and let me _know_ you. Let me understand you. Pats, you let me in and… and,’ she said, her clenched fists shaking at her sides, ‘I _matter_ to you, I know I do. I know you feel the same way I do.’

‘Delia!’ Patsy shouted, and Delia took a step back, staring intensely at Patsy, her brows furrowed in anger.

Patsy looked down, shame washing over her as she brought her hands to her face, cupping her hands over her mouth.

Patsy sighed once more. She was coming to realize that she liked the woman a lot more than she wanted to let on. That she wanted to pour her heart out to her and completely and unabashedly love her without reservations, but she couldn’t. There were so many doubts that suddenly piled into the forefront of Patsy’s mind in that moment. She wanted to be open with Delia but she didn’t want to scare her off. What if she liked Delia more than Delia liked her? What if she did or said something that took everything one step too far and Delia turned her away? Rejected her?

Reject her. Of course she would reject her, Patsy thought bitterly. Most of Patsy’s life had been spent with her heart being broken over and over again. She had been warped into something that she was led to believe was undesirable. Unlovable. Surely there was no way anyone could grow to love Patsy, especially someone like Delia. Delia was mistaken in thinking Patsy was worth anything. Anything at all. Her attention, her affections. It was all being wasted on her, someone undeserving. She would never be worthy. Never feel worthy. And Patsy couldn’t bare the thought of having her heart broken again.

‘Delia,’ Patsy started gently, hoping her change in tone would help relieve some of the tension in the tiny kitchen. She looked down, her lips turning to a thin line in a scowl, her chest feeling like a hollow shell, ‘you can do so much better than me…’

‘Pats, don’t say that…,’ Delia said, looking to Patsy pleadingly.

‘Delia, you’re just…’ Patsy shook her head before finally meeting Delia’s eye, ‘you’re too good for me, alright? I don’t deserve you, and above all else, I don’t want you to get hurt,’ Patsy said, ‘and I’ll never again be able to live with myself if I’m the cause of it, if I ever again inflict any suffering on you. I don’t want to take that risk.’

Delia sighed exasperatedly, ‘Pats, that’s the point of living life!’ she shouted, flailing her arms, ‘You have to be brave enough to take that risk if it means in the end you’ll be with someone you love, and who loves you!’

Patsy remained silent, unsure of what to say. Her jaw clenched, holding back tears, telling herself that it wouldn’t be possible. Loving someone was always a painful experience. She didn’t need to go through the heartache again when things inevitably ended with Delia.

Delia shook her head, frustrated, ‘So what, we just shouldn’t take any chances?’

‘Not when the chances aren’t good,’ Patsy replied.

‘How can you say that? How can you even know?’ Delia asked, looking to Patsy pleadingly.

‘Because I’m _fucked up_ that’s why!’ Patsy snapped, finally having enough of trying to explain, having enough of trying to tell Delia ‘no’ and the younger woman not listening. Patsy didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve someone like her. She didn’t deserve anyone.

‘I’m not _well_ , Delia! You know this! You’ve seen it!’ Patsy shouted, raising her arms, ‘I’m trying to save you from this! From me! You don’t want this,’ Patsy finished, gesturing to herself, ‘You don’t want to deal with this! With me! I’m not worth it!’

‘Yes you are, Patsy!’ Delia shouted, her volume matching Patsy's, ‘You don’t think I know what it takes?! You don’t think I know what it means to make a _commitment_ to someone? My whole life has been nothing but constant commitment for the people I love, Patsy!’

‘You _don’t_ love me!’ Patsy yelled back.

‘I could if you gave me the chance!’ Delia shouted, seemingly at her wits end.

Something snapped in Patsy. The anger and frustration that had been building up inside her boiled over and her body was suddenly full of adrenaline and energy. She was starting to feel like a cornered animal with Delia standing on the other side of her, glaring at her, yelling at her, saying things she needed to hear but was too stubborn to accept.

Patsy lost control of her temper and lashed out. Growling in frustration and anger, she grabbed a chair from under the kitchen table and threw it across the room. It clamored noisily against the hardwood flooring before sliding to a halt against the wall.

Delia turned her head away and stepped back, but once the noise abided she looked back to Patsy with fierce eyes.

‘There’s no way you’ll ever scare me with one of these temper tantrums, Pats.’

Patch clutched her head, her eyes squeezed shut, her heart beating frantically, panicking. She needed a way to escape this. She needed a release. She needed to calm herself the only way she knew how but there was no way in hell she was going to do it in front of Delia.

Patsy opened her eyes and took quick strides across the kitchen, heading to the bathroom, the only room in the house she knew had a lock on the door. She wasn’t expecting Delia to leap forward and block her path.

‘No you don’t!’ Delia yelled as she grabbed Patsy’s shoulders, halting the taller woman in place, ‘You’re not doing it Patsy! I won’t let you hurt yourself!’

‘Delia, let go of me!’ Patsy pulled back, struggling to free herself.

‘No!’

Patsy heaved all her weight against Delia and pushed her away, striding past her, but Delia grabbed Patsy by the arm, pulling her back.

In one swift motion, Delia pushed up the sleeve of Patsy's jumper to her elbow, brought her arm to her mouth, and sank her teeth into Patsy's arm.

Patsys eyes shut tight as she released a strained cry, her knees giving way to the pain as she knelt to the floor, feeling weak, all the adrenaline seeping out of her body as Delia clenched tight. Only when Patsy was sitting on the floor with tears streaming down her face did Delia let go. She released Patsy's arm from her grip and fell to the floor on her knees next to Patsy.

Delia placed both hands to the floor in front of her and bowed her head, her brown hair falling over her shoulders as she caught her breath.

‘If you need pain to release stress, fine,’ Delia said softly, looking back up at Patsy as heavy tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped off her chin, ‘but it’ll only be by me. By _my_ hands. You need to come to _me_ first if you feel this way, and ask for my permission,’ she demanded, her voice fierce even though it was shaking.

Patsy looked back at Delia, stunned. Her jaw hung slack as she caught her breath, her energy returning to her slowly as tears silently streamed down her face. She looked down at the fresh bite mark on her arm. It was throbbing in pain, and Patsy could feel herself relax a little more with each pulse, feel herself calm, the raging storm inside her settling.

Patsy felt conflicted. Let _Delia_ do this to her? How could she possibly keep a promise like that? How could she possibly keep herself from biting when Delia wasn’t around? She didn’t want to make a promise she couldn’t keep. She didn’t want to do anything more to hurt Delia so long as she could help it.

Though, Patsy thought, it would hurt Delia even more if she continued on like this. Doing this to herself. And she didn’t want that. She had earned Delia’s trust and she wanted to keep it. Patsy had said that this was one of the few things in her life that she had felt like she had control over, but she was willing to give it up. To hand it over to Delia, to give her that control.

For all she knew, if she placed this responsibility on Delia, it might break her of the habit once and for all.

‘Ok,’ Patsy breathed, swallowing a heavy lump in her throat as she nodded, ‘Ok.’

Patsy blinked through her tears and looked Delia in her eyes, which were that gorgeous crystal blue that only appeared when she cried. Patsy hated herself for it, for making her cry yet again, and was drawn to reach out and comfort Delia. To do something, anything that could convey her feelings without having to say anything. She didn’t have the words anyway.

Patsy reached up slowly, her hands shaking slightly as she tenderly wiped Delia’s tears from her cheeks.

‘I’m sorry,’ Patsy said, scooting closer to Delia and leaning forward, pulling her into a tight hug.

Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's shoulders and held her just as tight, tucking her head into the crook of her neck. She sniffed and wiped her tears against Patsy's jumper.

‘I’m sorry,’ Patsy said again, finally feeling her breathing steady, her whole body calm as she held the smaller woman in her arms. Her fingers found their way through her soft hair and lovingly ran their way through the long strands, tucking thick locks behind her small ears.

The two remained on the kitchen floor in a tight embrace for several moments, Patsy gently comforting Delia by running her hand over her back or through her hair while the smaller woman sniffed and hiccuped her tears away while her face was buried in Patsys neck, nuzzling against her as she wiped any rogue tears away on Patsy's jumper.

Soon, Delia’s grip on Patsy loosened and the two women slowly pulled away from one another.

Patsys hand came to rest on Delia’s cheek again, her thumb gently wiping away another stray tear as she sighed.

‘Delia, I’m sorry I lost my temper,’ she said softly.

‘Pats,’ Delia started, resting her hand over Patsy's as she leaned into her touch, ‘it’s alright,’ she said softly, ‘it’s alright.’

Patsy gave Delia a thankful glance before she stood and helped Delia to her feet.

Still feeling rather drained from the loss of adrenaline, she concentrated on her breathing while walking over and picking up the chair she had thrown during their argument, placing it back in its rightful place under the kitchen table.

Patsy raked her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before turning to face Delia again.

Delia was looking back at her with sad eyes, looking as if she was going to cry again. Patsy tucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she walked over to her, the feeling to comfort Delia became overwhelming and she fought her urge to second guess herself and decided to just once and for all take the leap and reach out to Delia.

Patsy stood close to Delia while the smaller woman reached up and brushed away a tear from Patsy's own cheek, Patsy catching Delia’s hand with her own before Delia had a chance to pull away. Patsy closed her eyes and breathed deeply, feeling the soft, yet firm skin of Delia’s hand against her cheek, leaning into it before she kissed the palm of her hand. Her nose slowly grazed along the sensitive skin of her wrist before she kissed her there, too. Her heart fluttered in her chest when she heard Delia give a shaky sigh.

Patsy only barely opened her eyes so she could see Delia’s reaction, the brunette looking back at Patsy with half lidded eyes, her cheeks pink, her lips parted slightly. Patsy thought they looked rather inviting.

‘Delia,’ Patsy said softly, ‘I do like you.’

Delia smiled and wrapped her arms around Patsy’s shoulders, the taller womans hands instinctively resting on Delia’s waist.

‘You know, this morning when I woke up, I wanted to reach out and hold you,’ Patsy said, one of her hands coming to gently bush the fringe out of Delia’s eyes, heer fingers tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears again.

‘Why didn’t you?’ Delia asked, her eyes searching Patsy’s.

Patsy took a deep breath, ‘I was scared… that you would wouldn’t want me to. That you would turn me away.’

‘I wouldn’t have,’ she whispered, ‘I won’t, Patsy. I won’t ever turn you away. I want you to hold me,’ Delia emphasized her statement by tightening her grip around Patsy’s neck, pulling her down for a tight embrace. Patsy’s arms wrapped firm around Delia, her hands gently stroking the smaller woman's back as they held each other or several moments, standing there in the kitchen of that little house.

Patsy breathed in deep and the smell of Delia’s lavender shampoo filled her senses and had her feeling quite relaxed. Delia’s body pressed against and wrapped up tight around hers had Patsy feeling warm, and safe. The close proximity to Delia had every nerve ending in Patsy’s body come alive and awake and it seemed as though Delia’s body was responding in kind.

Patsy closed her eyes and willed herself to turn off her brain, to stop doubting herself. It seemed so right in the moment to do so and give in just a little, to not overthink things and let her body guide her instead.

A sigh from the woman in her arms while fingers intertwined in Patsy’s ginger hair only encouraged her to gently nuzzle her nose against the length of Delia’s neck, her lips grazing over the shell of her ear before kissing her softly there. Delia sighed again and tilted her head slightly to give Patsy more access. The taller woman breathed in deep again, lightly grazing her nose over Delia’s temple, placing soft kisses along the length of her eyebrow and on the bridge of her nose.

Patsy opened her eyes only slightly so she didn’t miss when she finally pressed her lips against Delia’s. Tentatively at first, growing accustomed to kissing someone again as it had been a long time for Patsy. She pulled away and pressed her lips to Delia’s again, more firm this time, waves of relief washing over her as Delia seemed very receptive to all of this, to her touches, her kissing. Patsy didn’t know it was possible, but she felt Delia press her body even more against her, becoming flush with her. She felt the smaller woman stand on her toes to push her mouth even more firm against Patsy’s, and Patsy held her tight so she wouldn’t stumble.

Patsy sighed when she felt Delia gently pull on her bottom lip, urging Patsy’s mouth open. Patsy relented and both women let out a soft moan as Delia’s tongue pressed against hers, the sensation leaving Patsy feeling a bit weak in the knees.

Patsy pulled away slightly, catching her breath. This unfortunately seemed to break whatever spell Delia was under and the brunette opened her eyes, looking up at Patsy concerned.

‘Everything alright?’ Delia asked, gently placing a hand over Patsy’s heart.

Patsy breathed, giving a lopsided smile, ‘It’s… everything is fine, I promise,’ she leaned down and gave Delia another sweet kiss, cuping Delia’s head in her hand as her lips sought Delia’s cheeks and eyelids, pulling her closer as she placed kisses along her jaw and ear, extracting happy giggles from Delia.

‘It’s just… this is all so unbelievable. I feel like I have to sit down,’ Patsy said.

Delia gave a laugh, reaching up to cup Patsy’s face in her hands and tuck her hair behind her ear.

‘Believe it, Patsy, please…’ she said softly, smiling, ‘There is nothing more I want in this moment than to be kissing you right now.’

‘I’m sorry for being difficult,’ Patsy said, looking to Delia pleadingly, hoping her expression would convey she was being genuine.

‘Hush,’ Delia said, stepping away and clasping her hands with Patsy’s. She brought them to her mouth and placed soft kisses on her knuckles.

‘I want to kiss you all night,’ Patsy blurted out, feeling free to finally speak her mind.

‘I certainly wouldn’t say no to that,’ Delia said, grasping a handful of Patsy’s jumper and pulling her down for another kiss. The two women giggled in each others arms when they pulled away.

‘Do you still want to go out on a date with me?’ Patsy asked.

‘Absolutely,’ Delia said, licking her lips, ‘and you know, I don’t think we need to wait till we get back to London to have a proper date.’

‘No?’

Delia shook her head, ‘We’ve already had dinner and dancing this evening,’ she looked over to the stove where the peach pie she had made earlier was sitting, certainly cooled of enough to devour by now, ‘I think it’s time for some dessert, and a movie, if you like?’

‘You want to watch a movie with me?’ Patsy asked, her heart fluttering as their hands interlocked between them.

‘Well,’ Delia began, looking rather mischievous, ‘what I really want is to be wrapped up in a blanket with you in my arms while I feed you pie and kiss you all night long. I hardly think I’ll give whatever movie we choose any attention, honestly,’ she said, wrapping her hands around Patsy’s waist as she looked up at her, ‘I just find you much too distracting, Patsy.’

Patsy felt her ears turn red at Delia’s words.

‘Really?’ she asked, giving a rather silly lopsided smile.

‘Absolutely,’ Delia grinned, showing off those dimples that made Patsy’s heart flutter, ‘If I’m not kissing you then I’m certainly thinking about kissing you. It’s been driving me mad all day, honestly,’ Delia whispered, and Patsy watched as a blush feathered across her cheeks.

Patsy bit her lip, feeling so happy.

‘Can I tell you something?’ she asked.

‘What’s that?’

‘You have had me similarly distracted these past two days,’ Patsy said, her eyes looking to the ceiling, trying not to think of how Delia’s hips and bum looked in her tight jeans, and failing miserably. She felt her face grow hot, but smiled when Delia shyly tucked her head into her chest, the two falling into a fit of giggles as they wrapped their arms around each other gave gave one another a sweet, tight embrace before Delia finally released Patsy and took a step back.

‘Come on,’ she said softly, moving to grab one fork out of the drawer while Patsy walked to the counter and took the entire pie in her hands.

The two walked back to the lounge and settled in on the sofa after deciding to forego movie watching as they wouldn’t give it the slightest attention anyway. Patsy wrapped the two of them in the throw blanket as Delia insisted Patsy lay against her. So, Patsy shyly settled in against Delia, the brunettes legs on either side of her just as they were the day before in the igloo. Patsy could barely believe her evening ended up this way, her snuggling against Delia as she was spoon fed delicious peach pie, the brunette happily chatting on about home and the mittens she was making for Patsy and whatever else came to mind. Patsy didn’t care what she talked about so long as it was making her happy.

As dessert was set aside the two women settled in more on the sofa. Patsy turned her body slightly so that she could wrap her arms around Delia and rest her head against her chest, her ear pressed against Delia’s heart. Patsy closed her eyes and happily breathed in Delia’s scent, listening to the smaller woman's heartbeat as she embraced her.

Delia lazily placed sweet kisses on the top of Patsy’s head as her fingers stroked her red hair, tucking strands behind her ear, the sensation sending pleasant shivers down Patsy’s spine. The two fell into a comfortable silence, the only noise in the room being the crackling and pops of the dying fire in the hearth across the room. Patsy sleepily gazed at it as she hugged Delia tighter, not wanting to let her go, not wanting this evening to end.

Patsy could feel herself being lulled to sleep, and just before she closed her eyes, she felt Delia gently grab her arm, bringing it to her mouth so she could place a soft kiss on the spot where she had bitten Patsy earlier.

Patsy looked at her arm, the bite still a red, half moon shape in her forearm that had only just stopped hurting.

The two women shared a look, a silent acknowledgement of understanding that the mark on Patsy’s body by Delia was done as a service from Delia to Patsy, the mark left behind clear evidence of that fact.

Patsy took a deep breath as Delia let go of her arm, the redhead securely wrapping it back around Delia’s body as she nuzzled her head against her chest once more, thinking that the mark looked as if it was already starting to heal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Shout out to superbanana for showing me how to post [doodles](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-Chapter-5-759480819?ga_submit_new=10%3A1534435125) directly onto this site (also for beta-ing the chapter - thank you!)
> 
> So, phew! Got a little dramatic there at the end, but it all turned out well. Who doesn't like a little domestic pupcake with a bit of smut/drama/fluff thrown in there? 
> 
> Also, who doesn't appreciate a good foot, hmm? I certainly do. And hands. Hips, thighs, bellies, breasts... you know what, I just appreciate women in general. Ya'll are fab.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff, and more fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know this chapter is early.

Patsy woke the next morning in a similar state as the morning before, feeling safe and warm and overwhelmingly cozy under the soft duvet. She took a deep breath before rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and blinking them open, blinded for a moment by the white light filtering into the room. Patsy rolled over to see an empty space next to her, the duvet pulled aside and Patsy saw that the door to the bedroom left open a crack.

 

Patsy fell back and head hit her pillow, a little disappointed that Delia wasn’t there. Her hand reached out to brush against the unoccupied spot and she could still feel her warmth. She must have just gotten up. In Delia’s absence, Patsy allowed herself to discreetly smell the pillow she had slept on and she smiled slightly, her heart beating faster in her chest at the memory of what had transpired the night before.

 

She had kissed Delia… and Delia kissed her back. The memory had Patsy smiling and bringing her fingers to her lips. She felt herself swooning at the thought of Delia holding her on the sofa until the two couldn’t stay awake any longer. It was so sweet and the most loving Patsy had felt from another person in such a long, long time. She remembered they tiredly got themselves up and changed into their pyjamas before coming to bed, and Delia held Patsy some more until the two fell asleep.

 

The sound of the bedroom door creaking had Patsy opening her eyes, and she sat up from her spot on the bed as she watched Delia slowly back into the room, the brunette turning to reveal herself holding two steaming cups of tea.

 

Delia smiled at Patsy, ‘Hey, don’t get up,’ she said as she walked over to place the two mugs of tea on the bedside table, ‘I want to get in a few early morning cuddles before we get up for the day.’

 

Patsy smiled, feeling her ears turn red as she watched Delia bite her lip before crawling back into bed with her. Cuddles? She liked cuddles now! Especially if they were anything like what they had been doing last night. Patsy thought it would be a pretty great way to start her morning.

 

For a brief moment, Patsy wondered if, in these past few days, she had been the one to hold Delia. It occurred to her that she indeed, had not, and she wondered curiously what that would feel like.

 

With a strength she didn’t know she possessed, Patsy scooped Delia up in her arms and turned the woman so that she was suddenly on her back with her head in Patsy's lap, Delia looking back at her with an excited giggle.

 

‘Someone’s got some energy this morning,’ Delia laughed.

 

Patsy shifted slightly so she could cradle Delia’s head in the crook of her elbow. She merely smiled down at the brunette sweetly, feeling her heart flutter pleasantly in her chest at the sight of those dimples again. Patsy’s hand reached up and the tips of her fingers gently brushed Delia’s fringe out of her eyes, grazed over her eyebrow and down her cheek. Delia closed her eyes and looked as if she was going to start purring at any second, her body turning slightly towards Patsy's, wanting to be closer.

 

Patsy couldn’t help but look down at her endearingly as she continued stroking her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear as she bent down to sweety kiss her forehead.

 

Even though Patsy could feel Delia’s warmth and weight in her arms, smell her sweet scent, taste her on her lips, Patsy still found herself hard pressed to believe that this was really happening. That so much had transpired between the two of them in the short amount of time they had been together. Had they really only met two weeks ago? Had Patsy really been so mean to this sweet girl upon first meeting her? Been so horrible to her? Made her cry? The image of Delia’s red, tear soaked face staring back at her as Patsy lay stunned in the snow only a few days prior flashed to the forefront of her memory and Patsy's heart sank. She felt so guilty. So remorseful, for how she behaved. And what’s changed? Just the night before she lost her temper. Shoved her. Threw a chair, for God’s sake. What if she had hurt Delia? And who is to say she wouldn’t do something stupid like that again? She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if anything bad happened to Delia by her hands, more harm than she’s already done.

 

Patsy took a deep breath recalling the incident from the night before. Yet again, Delia forgave her. Again she showed Patsy a kindness that Patsy couldn’t even show herself.

 

She didn’t deserve someone as kind as Delia. She didn’t deserve anyone.

 

‘What’s the matter, sweetheart?’ Delia asked, her voice concerned as she sensed a change in Patsy's demeanor.

 

Patsy remained quiet for several moments, unable to articulate how she was feeling. She said the only thing she could think of.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Patsy said softly.

 

‘What for?’

 

‘For just… I hate myself for being so horrible to you,’ Patsy sighed and began to lean back, to distance herself.

 

Delia reached up and halted Patsy's movement, the palm of her hand resting on the redheads cheek.

 

‘Patsy, I meant it when I said I forgive you,’ Delia said soft, yet stern.

 

Again, Patsy thought to herself that she didn’t deserve Delia.

 

The brunette must have sensed what she was feeling and untangled herself from Patsy's arms, sitting up and moving to face Patsy. The redhead watched with wide eyes as Delia straddled her and sat in her lap, her arms draping over Patsy's shoulders while Patsy instinctually wrapped her arms around her hips to hold her steady. For a second, Patsy marveled at just how well Delia seemed to fit in her arms.

 

‘Pats, sweetie,’ Delia pleaded, placing a soft kiss at the corner of Patsy’s mouth, ‘Stay here with me, cariad,’ she said softly against Patsy's lips, ‘right here in this moment,’ she whispered before kissing Patsy again softly, her fingers running through Patsy's red hair.

 

Patsy kissed her again and felt as if she were going to melt into the bed. As Delia’s lips pressed against hers, Patsy's grip on her tightened, and she could feel Delia sigh against her as her hands wandered over her back and hips.

 

‘Pats, sweet girl,’ Delia sighed as she grazed her lips against Patsy's eyebrow, ‘I like you very much, you know,’ she whispered, her mouth finding the shell of Patsy's ear and kissing her there, sending a shiver down Patsy's spine. The older woman couldn’t help but close her eyes and tilt her head sideways as she felt Delia’s soft lips trail down her neck, leaving more soft kisses in her wake.

 

‘I like how you’re holding me, Pats,’ she said softly, ‘Do you like holding me like this?’

 

Patsy could only silently nod.

 

‘Do you like when I kiss you, cariad? When I touch you like this?’ she asked, her arms wrapping around Patsy’s head tighter, cradling her, as she placed sweet kisses on her eyelids and the bridge of her nose.

 

Patsy smiled and hummed affirmatively, her own arms hugging Delia tight against her.

 

A thought occurred to Patsy, and she blinked her eyes open, looking at Delia curiously.

 

‘What does that mean?’ she asked. Delia raised an eyebrow.

 

‘What? Cariad?’ Delia asked, smiling.

 

Patsy nodded.

 

Delia leaned forward and hugged Patsy, placing a soft kiss on her temple, ‘It’s Welsh. It means sweetie, or sweetheart,’ Delia sighed and ran her fingers through Patsy's hair, gently kissing her ear, ‘I only use it for people who are very special to me.’

 

‘You do?’ Patsy asked, feeling her heartbeat quicken.

 

Delia leaned back, looking at Patsy through half lidded eyes as she nodded and gave an affirming hum.

 

‘I do,’ she said softly, her hand coming to cradle Patsy’s face while her thumb stroked her cheek.

 

Patsy closed her eyes, leaning into Delia’s hand. There was something she found comforting about Delia touching her just then. The intimacy of it all. She turned her brain off for just a moment as her mouth placed sweet kisses on her palm, along the length of her thumb, her teeth nibbling on the pad of that thumb before she placed a fat kiss there.

 

Patsy opened her eyes slightly to see Delia looking back down at her, her cheeks pink, her eyes dark.  

 

‘Lay down, pretty girl,’ Delia whispered, and Patsy, feeling like putty in her arms as it was, gladly followed instructions. Delia followed her and she pressed her body flush against Patsy's, her fingers combing through Patsy’s hair as she pressed her body hard against Patsy's, their lips pressed together in a deep kiss.

 

‘You are so beautiful, sweet girl,’ she sighed as she pulled away, and Patsy couldn’t help but arch into her as she kissed her again.

 

Beautiful. Sweet girl. Pretty girl. These were phrases that Patsy had never heard before that were used to describe her. Coming from Delia, the phrases made her feel those things; beautiful, sweet, pretty. Definitely pretty. They made Patsy just want to give in, to close her eyes and let Delia do whatever she wanted to her.

 

‘Your touches are so sweet, your kisses...’ Delia trailed off, sighing in Patsys ear, her tongue pressing against a spot on her neck that had her squirming underneath the smaller woman, ‘oh, how I love your kisses, cariad.’

 

Patsy sighed, arching her body into Delia’s, her hands precariously lifting Delia’s jumper to feel the soft skin of her back.

 

But, there it was, that word again. Cariad. Sweetheart. She was calling her sweetheart. Patsy faltered slightly, feeling rather bashful that she had not reciprocated, however…

 

‘I don’t…’ Patsy started, using all her strength to try and think coherently again, ‘I don’t have a word for you,’ she finished.

 

‘A word?’ Delia asked, sounding as breathless as Patsy felt.

 

‘I mean…,’ Patsy faltered, ‘I’ve never… I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s sweetheart. Not like this. Not for a long time.’

 

Delia leaned forward and kissed Patsy's eyebrow, the redhead closing her eyes and sighing at her touch.

 

‘No jealous ex-girlfriends lurking around in your life for me to worry about then?’

 

Patsy smirked, ‘No, definitely not.’

 

‘Lucky me,’ Delia kissed Patsy sweetly on the lips and pulled away with a smile, ‘Pats, what do you think of when you think of me?’

 

Patsy raised an eyebrow at her.

 

‘I mean, what do you feel comes to you naturally? And it’s alright if you want to call me sweetheart, too. Or just Deels,’ Delia smiled, ‘I really like when you call me Deels.’

 

What did Patsy think of Delia? What did she feel when she looked at her? What words came to her when she held her and kissed her and thought of all the nice things the woman had ever done for her? Had made her feel?

 

Patsy took a deep breath through her nose, her arms once more wrapping around Delia’s body as she rolled them over, laying Delia down on her back, on top of the fluffy duvet and pillows. With her arms securely around the smaller woman, Patsy settled on top of her, their legs entangling. Delia sighed delightfully at their new position, biting her lip to keep herself from giggling.

 

‘Some words that come to mind when I think of you,’ Patsy started softly as she kissed Delia’s ear.

 

‘Beautiful,’ she said, closing her eyes as the tip of her nose grazed along the length of Delia’s neck. Patsy took a moment before continuing, softly breathing in the smell of Delia’s hair and skin. Patsy really did like the way she smelled first thing in the morning.

 

‘Passionate,’ she said, thinking of their emotional moments the night before. Her tongue found the dip in Delia’s neck, licking her there gently. Delia gasped in reply and Patsy smiled.

 

‘Loving,’ Patsy continued, her mouth feathering kisses back up her neck. She thought of how Delia had treated her the last two days, her kindness, her stubbornness. There was no one else in Patsy’s life quite like Delia. No one that was beginning to mean as much. Delia was so special to Patsy. It made her think that the next word was entirely appropriate as she held her wrapped in her arms.

 

‘Precious,’ she said softly as she placed gentle kisses on Delia’s cheeks and eyelids, causing Delia to giggle.

 

‘Darling,’ she whispered in her ear, her mouth gently tugging on Delia’s earlobe.

 

‘Oh,’ Delia said, and Patsy pulled back slightly, opening her eyes to see Delia looking back at her, her cheeks flush and lips parted.

 

‘Darling,’ Delia repeated, ‘I like that.’

 

Patsy leaned down and kissed the shell of Delia’s ear, the woman in her arms sighing at her touch, ‘You like that?’ Patsy asked.

 

Delia could only hum in response, nodding slightly as Patsy continued to nuzzle along her neck.

 

‘I like it, too,’ Patsy said softly, ‘Darling,’ she kissed her ear, ‘My Darling.’

 

‘Hmm, that’s right,’ Delia sighed as she smiled lazily, ‘I’m yours, cariad,’ she kissed Patsy on the lips, ‘all yours.’

 

Patsy reciprocated her kiss in kind, opening her mouth and moaning when she felt Delia’s strong thigh press against her in a way that had her gasping. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Delia felt so right in her arms, so good pressed against her. It had been so long and Patsy didn’t think it had ever felt this sensual, this right, as if it was meant to be. She wanted nothing more than to lose herself right then and there and just keep going, explore Delia’s body with her hands and mouth, make love to her, make her come, give her all the pleasure Patsy knew she deserved and wanted.

 

As the two women were caught up in the moment, Delia’s fingers found their way under Patsy's jumper, the cool digits lightly grazing over a myriad of raised scars that here hashed over her hips, and the sensation immediately made Patsy’s pulse pound in her ears and break out into a cold sweat. Patsy pulled away, her heart sinking, waves of anxiety washed over her and any desire she may have felt vanished in an instant.

 

She remembered suddenly that she was ugly. She was riddled with scars and other marks that Delia would see and recoil at if she saw them. Would think they were disgusting. Would think Patsy was disgusting. Grotesque. Repulsive.

 

Beautiful. Pretty. Sweet. What was she thinking? Patsy was incapable of being any of these things.

 

Patsy slowly pulled away and disentangled herself from Delia’s body, the brunette blinking her eyes open, looking as if she were coming out of a daze.

 

‘Pats?’ She asked, ‘what… everything alright?’

 

Patsy sat up and sat crossed legged, willing herself to keep her distance and think up some excuse. She saw the two mugs of tea sitting on the bedside table and reached for them.

 

‘Um, tea’s getting cold…’ she said feebly as she handed one mug to Delia, the poor woman sitting up and still looking as if she needed a cold shower to come back into the moment.

 

‘Tea?’ Delia breathed, looking down at the outstretched steaming mug as Patsy merely looked down in her lap. She couldn’t bare to look Delia in the eye at the moment.

 

Patsy felt Delia gingerly grasp the mug with both hands and she let go, her hands coming to hold her mug in her lap.

 

‘Hey, cariad,’ Delia said softly, her head dipping slightly to catch Patsy’s eyes, ‘what is it?’

 

Patsy couldn’t articulate what she was feeling. She shut her eyes tight and turned her head away, her heart pounding in her chest as a waves of anxiety washed over her. She hated that she ruined this moment. She didn’t want to say that anything was wrong. She didn’t want to feel like this. She didn’t want to talk about it and make things awkward. Why did Delia like her? What on earth did Delia see in her?

 

‘Pats…’ Delia started gently, ‘what happened?’ She tentatively reached out for Patsys hand, and though Patsy's instinct was to pull away, Delia’s gentle and kind tone stilled her, allowed for her to let Delia touch her without that anxious feeling.

 

Delia waited patiently for Patsy to respond, her thumb gently stroking her wrist.

 

‘Where did your mind go just then, sweetheart?’ Delia asked softly.

 

Patsy sighed, ‘I just… you, um…’ she closed her eyes, frustrated at herself. She felt like she was fucking this up.

 

‘Take your time Pats,’ Delia said.

 

Patsy took a deep breath, ‘When you… when you touched my hip. You touched my scars and um… it just… I don’t…,’ Patsy took her free hand and raked her fingers through her hair, holding her head in her hand, her elbow on her knee. Maybe if she wasn’t looking at Delia it would be easier to just spit it out.

 

‘Delia, I hate my scars. I hate my body. I’m still… I-I like when you touch me. I like when you kiss me. It’s just, when you touched me _there_ … it just reminded me of how ugly I am.’

 

Patsy took another deep breath, hating herself. She raked her fingers through her hair again and opened her eyes, focusing on the tea in her lap.

 

‘This is… this is what I was talking about. You shouldn’t… you should… when we get back to London just go out with other people, alright? You don’t want to deal with this. Go and be with someone with less hang ups. Someone easier.’

 

Patsy watched as Delia’s hand left her wrist and grasped the mug of tea in her hands, placing it back on the bedside table before grasping Patsy by the wrists. Patsy looked up to see Delia pulling her towards her, forcing her to her knees and then suddenly she was laying back down on top of Delia, their bodies becoming entangled once more as they settled against one another, their arms wrapping around each other once more and holding each other tight.

 

‘Patsy, you really need to get out of this habit of telling me what to do,’ Delia said, her tone a little teasing, ‘because it’s usually the exact opposite of what I want.’

 

Patsy shyly buried her head in the crook of Delia’s neck, allowing herself to sink into her as she felt Delia’s arms wrap tight around her body.

 

‘Cariad, what am I going to do with you, hmm?’ She said, kissing Patsy's temple, ‘what can I do to convince you that you’re beautiful? That you’re the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on?’

 

Patsy tisked, hiding her face in Delia’s hair. She could feel a blush spread across her cheeks.

 

‘I mean it Pats,’ Delia said softly, and Patsy could hear the smile in her voice, ‘I have to admit, I didn’t see it at first. It took me some time, because I didn’t like you when we first met.’

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Patsy said automatically, knowing just how mean she was to Delia and how much she regretted it.

 

‘Shh,’ Delia cooed, running her fingers through Patsy's hair before lightly kissing her ear, ‘Patsy I have to tell you something,’ she said.

 

‘Hmm?’ Patsy asked, her head still shyly tucked into Delias neck.  

 

‘It was a few days ago, when we were on the road, at the rest stop in York. You showed me the picture of George, remember?’

 

Patsy nodded with an affirmative hum.

 

‘Well… that was the first time I saw you smile. Like, a real, genuine, heartfelt smile,’ Delia sighed happily, ‘I'll never forget it, Pats.’

 

Patsy raised an eyebrow at Delia.

 

‘I couldn’t breathe, when I saw you like that. I was quite taken back by how beautiful you are.’

 

‘No,’ Patsy smiled shyly.

 

‘It’s true!’ Delia implored, ‘I just thought,  _Wow_ ,’ she breathed, ‘I had never seen anyone so pretty. I was surprised I was able to even speak coherently afterwards because I just thought you were _so_  beautiful. It was the first time I think that I had a chance to sit across from you and look at you. _Really_  look at you. It was then that I noticed that you had such… _pretty_ blue eyes, and when you have your hair pulled back you have these sweet little wisps that fall around your ears and your neck,’ she emphasized her words by running her fingertips over the shell of Patsy's ear, and lightly down her neck, ‘and how I’ve been thinking of kissing that neck ever since,’ she sighed, ‘and this ear,’ she said, placing a sweet kiss against Patsy's ear, ‘and these eyebrows, and nose, and these soft, beautiful lips,’ she took her thumb and gently ran it over Patsy's bottom lip.

 

Blushing, Patsy couldn’t help but look up at her as she shyly kissed her thumb, and Delia looked back at her hungrily, her breathing deep.

 

‘And, Pats,’ Delia continued after blinking and taking a deep breath, ‘I’ve seen your scars, remember?’

 

Patsy nodded shyly.

 

‘Well… They surprised me, but they didn’t change how I feel about your appearance. How I feel about how beautiful I think you are. And, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I can’t keep my hands off you,’ Delia breathed.  

 

‘I have noticed that, yes,’ Patsy smiled, feeling better. She felt relieved that Delia was able to be so patient with her.

 

‘Ah, see, there it is,’ Delia said sweetly, her finger gently stroking Patsys cheek, ‘there’s that smile that leaves me weak in the knees.’

 

Patsy’s face grew hot, and she shyly tucked her bottom lip into her mouth as Delia giggled.

 

‘No, don’t hide it from me, I want to see you,’ she said, her own smile growing wide, showing off those dimples that Patsy had come to love. She knew a thing or two about someone’s smile making them feel like they would fall to their knees.

 

Patsy licked her lips before she leaned down and kissed Delia, sweet and slow as she felt Delia’s hands gently rub her back over her jumper.

 

‘I mean it in all the ways Pats,’ Delia breathed, her eyes growing heavy between kisses, ‘don’t hide from me, alright? I think you’re beautiful,’ she trailed off as Patsy kissed her again, ‘so, _so_  beautiful.’

 

Patsy closed her eyes and silenced Delia with a kiss. Not that she couldn’t go on hearing sweet words from such a sweet woman, but she couldn’t contain it anymore. She needed to kiss her, to connect with her. Patsy needed to touch her in a way that conveyed her feelings, to let Delia know that she desired her, that she wanted to touch her in a way that she only had the privilege of.

 

Patsy sighed, feeling her body seemingly sink into Delia’s again as she opened her mouth and traced her tongue along Delia’s upper lip, her heart fluttering hearing Delia whimper, feeling her body arch into hers.

 

‘How,’ Delia whispered as Patsy moved along to kiss her neck, ‘How are you so good at this?’

 

Patsy ignored her question and captured her lips with hers again, opening her mouth and pressing her tongue against Delia’s, pulling at her bottom lip, kissing her, over and over again. She had the woman under her squirming, wanting more. The way she had Delia whimpering, pawing at her, desiring her… it made Patsy feel wanted, feel confident, and definitely turned on.

 

She had kissed the woman back into a subdued state, Delia looking as if she were in a daze, an albeit happy one, but in a daze nonetheless. Patsy wondered amused if she was going to drift back off to sleep. She couldn’t help but smile down at her, still rather marveling that a kiss from her had such an effect.

 

‘Deels,’ Patsy said quietly, placing her head in her hand while the other gently tucked away stray hairs behind Delia’s ear.

 

‘Hmm?’ Delia hummed, licking her lips. It seemed she was coming to after the loss of contact.

 

‘I want to tell you something,’ Patsy said, and she watched as Delia blinked her eyes open.

‘What’s that?’ she asked.

 

Patsy looked down shyly, biting her lip as she picked at a loose thread on Delia’s jumper.

 

‘Pats,’ Delia whispered, ‘Tell me.’

 

‘Last week… when you stayed late and fell asleep in my office…’ Patsy trailed off. Her heart was fluttering so fast suddenly, it made her breath catch in her throat at the memory.

 

Delia smiled, ‘What about it?’

 

‘I…’ Patsy trailed off, blushing profusely at the memory. Why was she having such a hard time getting this out? Especially after Delia had said all those wonderful things about her.

 

Patsy hid her face in her hands, feeling the hot blush crawl up her neck to the top of her ears, ‘I’m obviously terrible at talking about my feelings no matter what they are,’ she mumbled into her hands.

 

‘Are these good feelings then?’ Delia asked, and even though Patsy had her eyes closed, she could hear the smile in her voice.

 

Still hiding, Patsy nodded.

 

‘Oh my god, Pats, you’re so cute I can’t stand it,’ Delia said, pulling Patsy's hands away from her face. Patsy gasped when Delia forced her to flip over. Patsy suddenly found her hands pinned above her head with Delia straddling her, leaning over her with an amused look.

 

‘What is it cariad?’ She whispered against Patsy's lips.

 

Patsy tilted her head to meet her for a kiss, Delia pulled away.

 

‘Uh uh,’ she said, making sure she was just out of reach, ‘tell me.’

 

Patsy’s head fell against the soft duvet again and she sighed, her eyes taking in the woman above her, her playful eyes, that mischievous smirk, those cute dimples. Patsy's gaze landed on Delia’s messy fringe and her eyes followed her hair, trailing over the tendrils that hung loose from her braid.

 

‘Tell me and I’ll take off my top,’ Delia said playfully.

 

‘Your hair!’ Patsy blurted out, feeling her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen.

 

Delia laughed, ‘My hair?’

 

Patsy was very distracted all of a sudden. Why was she talking about Delia’s hair when she was so pleasantly reminded that Delia probably wasn’t wearing a bra underneath her jumper at the moment.

 

‘So me working late nights and my hair are connected… how?’ Delia asked, her smile growing wide. Patsy could tell Delia was rather pleased with herself for how flustered she was making her.

 

‘You… that night. I remember you took your hair down and fixed it back up again and… and that was when… that’s when I first thought to myself that you were pretty,’ Patsy paused in thought as she took in Delia’s expression, ‘I suppose that was _my_ ‘wow’ moment. When you let your hair down. It was… I was taken back by how pretty I thought you were. Haven't been able to look at you the same way since.’

 

Delia sighed, looking down at Patsy in mock disappointment, a small smirk on her face.

 

‘Patsy, what’s your middle name?’

 

Patsy blinked. She was having difficulty remember anything at the moment.

 

‘Um, Elizabeth,’ she stuttered.

 

‘Patience Um Elizabeth Mount!’ Delia shouted, grabbing two fistfuls of Patsy's jumper, ‘you’ve gone a whole week having a crush on me and you didn’t tell me?! How dare you!’

 

Patsy laughed, ‘Oh, right like that would have gone over well!’

 

Delia looked up in thought for a split second before responding, ‘Eh, fair point, but I probably would have come round and we could have been having some sweet cuddles and kisses much sooner.’

 

Patsy giggled as Delia finally leaned down and kissed her.

 

‘So you like when I have my hair down, hmm?’ Delia asked, smiling.

 

Patsy nodded, her smile growing wide as Delia sat up and undid her braid, ran her fingers through her hair and fluffed her long locks out around her shoulders.

 

‘Better?’ she asked.

 

‘Yes,’ Patsy said happily, feeling her heart flutter at the sight, ‘though it would be even better if…’ her hands surreptitiously tugged at the hem of Delia’s jumper.

 

‘Oh, I see,’ Delia said with a smile, her hands grasping Patsy's wrists and pinning them above her head again, ‘You need propositions to spit out whatever it is that’s on your mind.’

 

‘They certainly help,’ Patsy said, her eyes following the curtain of hair that draped over Delia’s shoulder. The sight made it difficult for Patsy to think coherently, ‘especially when they’re as enticing as what you promised.’

 

‘I didn’t promise cariad,’ Delia said softly.

 

‘Oh, so just a tease?’ Patsy pouted.

 

Delia gasped and sat up straight, ‘I did no such thing! Besides, I said I would take my top off and I will.’

 

Patsy looked at Delia expectantly, the woman on top of her smiling.

 

‘I just didn’t say when.’

 

Patsy gave an exaggerated sigh and squirmed underneath Delia, the woman giggling at Patsy's frustration.

 

‘You’ve gotten my hopes up and everything,’ Patsy whined.

 

Delia laughed, and then Patsy noticed a change in her expression. Delia bit her lip, and she looked back down at Patsy, her eyes growing dark as they glanced over Patsy's body, her fists gripping her jumper before letting go.

 

‘Well,’ she said softly, leaning back down over Patsy's body, pressing herself flush against her, ‘If you can be a good girl and wait patiently, I’ll do what I said I would,’ she kissed Patsy, ‘I’ll do more than that too. Much more,’ she finished with a whisper.

 

‘Hmm,’ Patsy hummed as Delia kissed her again, finding herself breathless when Delia trailed off, leaving Patsy to her imagination.

 

‘Can you be a good girl for me?’ Delia whispered when she pulled away.

 

Patsy had no idea what that entailed, but she found herself nodding. She would pretty much agree to anything Delia wanted in this moment.

 

Delia smiled, gently stroking Patsy's hair and she leaned down for another sweet kiss.

 

A low rumbling cut into the middle of their kiss, and the two women pulled away giggling slightly.

 

‘Was that you or me?’ Delia asked.

 

‘I have no idea,’ Patsy breathed, her mind still on Delia’s lips pressed against hers.

 

‘Ah, well,’ she sighed, sitting up, ‘regardless, it sounds like it’s time for breakfast.’

 

Patsy sat up with her and wrapped her arms around Delia once more, ‘I’m sure breakfast can wait long enough for one more kiss?’

 

Delia smiled and obliged, kissing Patsy sweetly one last time before the two disentangled themselves and got out of bed to start the day, the tea on the bedside table long forgotten and cold.

 

* * *

 

 

After a hearty breakfast, Patsy and Delia were able to part from each other long enough for Patsy to dress and work outside most of the day, clearing the long driveway of snow now that it had stopped falling from the sky. She enjoyed the time alone to think, the simple repetitive task of scooping up snow and tossing it aside clearing her mind while it worked her muscles.

 

About halfway through Patsy paused for a break, shuffling through her pockets for her cigarettes and lighter. She was dismayed to see that she was down to three and hoped she would be able to get by the next few days without any once she was through with these. As she smoked, she looked back out onto the snow covered road, untouched and still about knee high. It was Sunday so she figured no plow would come through that day, but she wondered if, out here, one would come through at all? Not that she wasn’t enjoying this little impromptu getaway, especially as it’s turned into the rather surprising romance that it has.

 

Patsy smiled at the thought, blushing slightly when she recalled Delia’s words. Good girl. What was a good girl anyway? What did Delia mean by it? And why did the phrase turn her on so much? Patsy recalled her reaction to it and wondered why she felt like she was regressing when Delia said it, like she felt smaller, younger than she was. And she enjoyed it. She was surprised at how she felt as if she was able to just let go under Delia’s touch. Hell, her gaze, even.

 

The way Delia looked at her, too. It sometimes made Patsy's breath catch in her throat. Delia had called her beautiful. Pretty. She had spent so much of her life thinking she wasn’t. Thinking she was ugly because of these bloody awful scars, because she was gay. There was always something wrong with her, and yet…

 

Patsy took a deep breath, smoking her cigarette as she closed her eyes tight. She could feel her heartbeat thump in her chest, her mind racing between thoughts of her body and of Delia. She hated her body and Delia said she was beautiful. She hurt herself as Delia wanted to heal her. Patsy couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe there was someone like Delia out there. Couldn’t believe…

 

No. Don’t give into it, Patsy thought. Believe her when she says you’re beautiful. Believe her. Listen to her. She likes you. She likes you. She wants you…

 

Thoughts of what transpired that morning happily flashed through Patsy's mind. Their cuddling, their kisses. The way Delia felt when she was on top of her. The thought made Patsy feel warm and she couldn’t help but smile remembering how Delia looked as she straddled her. Patsy thought she rather liked looking at Delia from that angle. Especially with her hair down. Delia’s eyes, too. She loved her eyes. She loved how sultry they looked after their kissing, how full of desire.

 

Pats blushed, wondering how much longer they were going to last. How much longer it would take before something gave and they had sex. Did Delia even want to have sex? Did Patsy? Was she even ready for that?

 

Patsy stood dumbfounded wondering when the last time she had sex was. She certainly hadn’t been naked in front of another person for several years, that’s for sure. At some point in her youth she was able to ignore how she felt about her scars and have sex with whomever she had been with, but the way she felt about her scars had only grown worse with time. So much in fact that she couldn’t remember the last time she had been completely naked in front of another person. Couldn’t remember the last time she let someone touch her. Matter of fact, Patsy hadn’t really pursued anything with anyone because she was tired of the strange looks. Tired of explaining the scars. It always made her emotional, made her think of how they got there and then she wouldn’t bloody feel like fucking after all that. So she just stopped.

 

Patsy wondered what sex would be like with Delia, the woman being the only person Patsy could think of that she had really bared all to. Delia had seen her body and heard her story. She had seen all sides of Patsy, from the darkest parts of her to the brightest. And she was still here. She still wanted Patsy.

 

Delia wanted her.

 

Patsy closed her eyes as that thought sank in.

 

Delia was remarkable. Patsy would be a fool to push her away again. To deny her.

 

With that thought, Patsy decided then and there. That settled it. If Delia was ready for sex then so was she. She would let Delia take the lead on that matter when it came to it.

 

Hmm. Sex with Delia.

 

Patsy smiled at the thought. She wondered what Delia even liked. Had she even had sex before? She was still rather young, so it could be a possibility that she hadn’t. Though, she certainly didn’t act like a naive virgin. Delia seemed very confident. So sure of herself, so sensual. Yeah, Delia knew what she was doing, Patsy thought. She knew how to drive Patsy crazy, that was for sure. Turn her on. Holding her close and whispering things in her ear. Good girl. Good girl. Patsy thought she could stand to have that whispered to her over and over again. What did one have to do to earn such an endearment?

 

Patsy puffed away on her cigarette, still lost in thought, so much that she didn’t even hear the sound of footsteps crunching in the snow growing closer and closer.

 

‘There go those eyebrows again.’

 

Patsy jumped, gasping so deep she nearly swallowed her cigarette. She looked beside her and saw Delia standing there, fully dressed for the outdoors with her hands in her pockets.

 

Patsy watched as Delia narrowed her eyes playfully and giggled at her reaction.

 

‘Patsy, would you even tell me what you were thinking about so animatedly if I asked?’

 

Patsy composed herself and flicked her cigarette away somewhere in the snow.

 

‘I assure you it’s nothing you need to be concerned with,’ Patsy lied, feeling her face grow hot.

 

‘I do hope you’ll tell me what’s going on in that head of yours someday. By the looks of it it’s very entertaining.’

 

Patsy merely smirked, blushing bashfully She wondered just how transparent she was being. Bloody eyebrows giving everything away.

 

‘What’s up?’ Patsy asked.

 

Delia rocked on her heels with a sly smirk.

 

‘You’ve come out here to work without wearing your mittens,’ she said, turning her nose up disapprovingly.

 

Patsy blinked. She had forgotten all about those.

 

‘Oh, sorry, it slipped my mind,’ she shrugged.

 

Delia did not seem particularly pleased with that response.

 

‘I specifically said last night that you were not to come outside and work until I had finished knitting your mittens.’

 

Patsy merely looked back at Delia, studying her. She wasn’t sure what Delia was getting at.

 

‘You’ve broken a rule, so now I have to punish you.’

 

‘Punish me?’ Patsy asked with a laugh, as though the concept was absurd.

 

She noticed a glint in Delia’s eye. Was she teasing her? Playing a game? Whatever it was, Patsy thought it best she play along, given the stern look Delia was giving her. She wiped the smirk off her face before responding to Delia.

 

‘And what is my punishment?’ she asked, not able to understand why the suspense of this little game was getting her excited.

 

Delia smiled, bringing her finger to her lip in thought as she began to walk a circle around Patsy, looking her down and up.

 

‘I don’t know,’ she mused, ‘A few things come to mind. I could put you to bed without supper. Maybe take you over my knee and give you a spanking.’

 

Patsy’s eyes widened, and she couldn't help the subtle smile that spread across her face at Delia’s blunt suggestion.

 

‘Oh no,’ Delia said, regarding Patsy’s expression, ‘your reaction tells me that you would like that a bit too much, wouldn’t you?’

 

Patsy let out a noise that was supposed to be something in the affirmative, but she found herself incapable of forming words when the thought of Delia smacking her bum was in the forefront of her mind. Would she like it? If her reaction the day prior to Delia’s playful spank was any indication, Patsy knew she would probably like it very much.

 

‘Wouldn’t be much of a punishment if you liked it, would it?’

 

Patsy found her voice finally, ‘Um, no, I suppose it wouldn’t.’

 

Delia stopped her pacing, coming to stand in front of Patsy with her hands on her hips, her head tilted to the side slightly as she regarded the taller woman.

 

‘You’ve really hurt my feelings, Pats,’ she said, pouting.

 

The smile left Patsy's face, and she felt a pang of hurt in her chest.

 

‘I spent all that time last night knitting you these nice and cozy mittens and you went ahead and forgot all about them.’

 

Patsy felt so guilty all of a sudden. Delia was right. She had been thoughtful and spent time making something for Patsy. Who else in Patsy's life would have gone to the trouble?

 

‘Are you to forget about all the nice things I do for you?’ Delia asked, batting her lashes slightly.

 

Patsy still stood there, rather unsure of what to do or say. All she knew that she felt sad, upset with herself that she had disappointed Delia. She had to try and make it right.

 

‘You’re right, Delia,’ Patsy said, slowly, ‘I was so very thoughtless. I’m sorry.’

 

Delia remained silent, looking back up at Patsy, waiting for her to continue.

 

Again, Patsy simply looked at Delia, her mind completely blank of what else he could possibly say to remedy the situation.

 

‘Is that all?’ Delia asked, ‘I know how hard it is for you to admit when you’re wrong, Pats, but surely you can do better than that.’

 

Admit she was wrong?

 

It finally clicked with Patsy that this was her punishment. Delia was certainly right about that. Typically Patsy hated admitting when she was wrong, especially at work. She was usually so stubborn that she would rather seethe for days or avoid the topic altogether rather than admit she was wrong about something.

 

With Delia though, she was able to push her stubbornness aside and do what she wanted to make things right. To apologize and really mean it.

 

Patsy kneeled in front of Delia, the brunette looking down on her now with an amused expression.

 

‘You’re right, Delia,’ Patsy said looking up, her eyes locked on Delia’s, ‘You did something so thoughtful for me, spent so much time making these mittens for me, and like an ungrateful cad I forgot all about them and came out into the cold without them. I didn’t obey your orders, I didn’t wait for you to finish, and now my hands are so cold and your feelings are hurt. I’m so sorry, my darling, can you ever find it within yourself to forgive me?’

 

Delia smiled down at Patsy, looking rather pleased. The thought had Patsy's heart thumping in her chest. She resisted the urge to smile.

 

‘Put your hands up, cariad,’ Delia said, and Patsy obeyed.

 

Delia extracted the pair of cream colored mittens she had made the night before and put them over Patsy's pink hands, making sure they were on snug. She took a step back to admire her handiwork. Or so Patsy thought.

 

‘You know, I think I like seeing you on your knees,’ Delia said.

 

Patsy blushed. She knew Delia wasn’t teasing her. She knew she wasn’t trying to be mean, and Patsy took no offense. She wondered why, though. Typically being in a position like this, why, a normal person would find it demeaning. But Patsy wasn’t normal, was she? Why did this excite her?

 

Why did she feel _empowered_?

 

‘You may stand,’ Delia said.

 

Patsy got to her feet, the two keeping eye contact as she rose.

 

‘Have you learned your lesson?’ Delia asked with the tone of a stern headmistress.

 

‘I have,’ Patsy looked down at Delia endearingly, lightly brushing her cheek with her newly mittened hand, ‘I’ll never take your knitting for granted ever again,’ Patsy said with a small smile.

 

Delia happily bounced on her feet before she cupped Patsys face in her hands and sweetly kissed her on the lips. Patsy couldn’t help but smile, thinking she looked so cute.

 

‘Thank you cariad,’ she said as she stepped back.

 

Delia licked her lips and played with the fringe of Patsy's scarf.

 

‘Are you almost done?’ She asked, her eyes glancing towards the shovel sticking out of the snow.

 

Patsy nodded, ‘I think the beginning of the road is where those trees are,’ she nodded over her shoulder, ‘I shouldn’t be too much longer now. Maybe another half hour.’

 

‘Alright,’ Delia said, ‘I'll have a little treat waiting for you when you finish.’

 

‘Oh?’ Patsy’s eyes widened as she felt the tips of her ears turn red.

 

‘Mmhmm,’ Delia said, standing on her toes once more and giving Patsy a lingering kiss.

 

She pulled away, looking back at Patsy trough half lidded eyes.

 

‘Don’t keep me waiting too long,’ she said softly.

 

‘I won’t,’ Patsy replied, her voice matching the sultry tone of Delia’s.

 

‘Good girl,’ Delia winked before turning on her heel and making her way back towards the house.

 

Patsy watched her go, breathless.

 

She blinked, the feeling of being called a good girl had her wanting to melt into a puddle and run a marathon at the same time. She had done something that made Delia happy. That pleased her. She found it a relief, rather. All the things she was thinking beforehand that were causing her stress, it was all forgotten for those moments when Delia was playing her game. She only needed to focus on one thing, and that was Delia. Listening to her. Following her orders. And for it she was rewarded. She _was_ a good girl. She was Delias good girl. It was something that she had earned. It was something that she knew she wanted to keep earning.

 

Patsy pulled the string on her hood to try and keep the chill from her ears and neck before she turned and picked up the shovel, getting back to work with a newfound energy. With that special treat Delia had mentioned now on her mind, she was able to finish shoveling the driveway in half the time she said she would.

 

* * *

 

 

Patsy had finished up just as the sky was turning dark, and she began walking up the long driveway noticing the sky taking on the pink and purple hue of the sunset. When Patsy returned to the house, she hung up the shovel in the shed and brought in with her some dry firewood. What she loved most about walking into the house in this particular moment was that Delia had the entire cabin smelling wonderfully, baking fresh bread and what she thought smelled like curry simmering on the stove. The cooking made the house warm and Patsy could feel her ears and cheeks and fingers sting pleasantly as they warmed up. Patsy recalled a moment from the night before, Delia saying that if this is what a relationship is like with her then it’s what she wanted. Patsy couldn’t help but share her sentiments just then, thinking she wouldn’t mind walking in to a warm flat, smelling of freshly baked goods and hot and hearty meals from Delia.  

 

Patsy shook her head, feeling silly all of a sudden.

 

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks, she reminded herself.

 

She placed the logs in the empty basket next to the fireplace and began to remove her coat.

 

‘Oh, cariad,’ Patsy heard Delia say. She looked up to see Delia simply dressed in her beige jumper and jeans, walking towards her with a mug and spoon in her hand.

 

‘Let’s trade,’ she said, handing Patsy the mug while she helped her remove her coat, folding it over her arm.

 

Patsy looked down at the mug in her hands, it was hot to the touch, ‘What’s this?’

 

‘Brownie mug,’ Delia said, ‘would have made something like this earlier, but you neglected to tell me there was cocoa in the pantry.’

 

‘But you found it anyway,’ Patsy smirked.

 

‘Always do,’ Delia smiled, reaching her hand behind Patsy’s neck and gently pulling her down for a kiss, ‘Thank you for doing all that work out there today, sweetheart,’ she said softly, her hand trailing over Patsy’s cool cheek, resting there, warming her skin.

 

Patsy leaned into her touch, finding her rather intoxicating.

 

‘Dinner won’t be ready for a bit, so I’ve gone and made you a nice hot bath to warm you up.’

 

‘You have?’ Patsy asked, rather surprised.

 

‘Of course,’ Delia said, taking Patsy by the hand and leading her towards the small bathroom, ‘there’s even a cuppa waiting for you in there. Thought you’d enjoy it with your brownie.’

 

Delia tossed Patsy’s coat on the recliner as they walked by, turning towards the taller woman before she retired her to her bath.

 

‘I threw one of my favorite bath bombs in there for you. It’s chamomile. Always calms me down. Thought it would be good for your anxiety, you know. Keep your mind on happy things,’ she finished with a smile.

 

‘You brought a bath bomb with you when you didn’t even know if our hotel had a bath?’ Patsy asked with a smirk.

 

‘So? I thought I was going to have a rather stressful weekend with you. I was going to have myself a bath even if I had to sneak away to another hotel.’

 

Patsy slumped her shoulder against the wall. Not because she was reminded of how terrible her behaviour had been, but because Delia had left her hair down long. Patsy thought she looked so pretty, that she needed help standing.

 

‘It still feels so weird that you’re doing such nice things for me,’ Patsy sighed.

 

Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy and pulled her in for a tight embrace.

 

‘That’s why I’m doing them,’ she said against Patsy’s neck before kissing her there, ‘I want you to get used to it.’

 

Delia pulled away smiling, her finger tracing over Patsy’s cheek and lips. Patsy couldn’t help but kiss the pad of her finger.

 

‘Well, go on then,’ Delia said, letting out a shaky sigh, ‘Don’t want the water to get cold.’

 

Patsy took a deep breath as she watched her walk away, wondering just how to got to be so lucky.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a chapter that turned into almost 21k words so I'm splitting it into two. You'll get your smut tomorrow. Hang tight.


	7. Chapter 7 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delia finally coaxes out of Patsy what she really wants, and they have a gay old time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks! Lots of sex/sexy things in this chapter. Some of it might be considered kinky. End all be all is that the two characters in this story are into it and have fun with it, so if it's not really your thing, no worries. I just ask to keep an open mind.

After her bath, Patsy had blown her hair dry and dressed in a top and jeans, feeling warm enough to go without a jumper and no longer shy about her bitemarks, she didn’t feel it necessary to cover her arms in front of Delia.

 She left the bathroom and was about to head to the kitchen to look for Delia, but a figure in the bedroom caught her eye, and she saw Delia snuggled under the covers with a paperback book in her hand. When the brunette notice Patsy looking at her, she smiled.

‘There you are,’ she said, sitting up slightly.

Patsy entered the room with a smile as Delia pulled the covers down beside her.

‘Come in here for a bit, cariad,’ she said.

Patsy didn’t hesitate. Delia made room for Patsy as she crawled into bed next to her, and the two settled back under the covers nice and snug, Patsy's arm around Delia’s waist with her head on her tummy as Delia situated her book back in her hand, her other hand gently stroking Patsy's hair, her fingers grazing over her ear.

They remained like this in silence for several moments, Patsy growing so cozy and comfortable she felt like she would start purring at any moment, especially if Delia kept stroking her hair. Each gentle stroke sent a pleasurable tingle down Patsy's neck and shoulders. All the muscles she had worked that day shoveling snow were relaxing, unwinding, even more after that wonderfully warm bath. Holding Delia like this in her arms, too, she found so pleasurable. So intoxicating. She was so relaxed with her in her arms, smelling her, feeling her warmth, feeling her body against hers, her soft jumper against her skin. She felt so safe. Even the tiny gurgling she heard with her ear pressed against Delia tummy, she found comforting. She was so lost in the blankets, her thoughts on Delia and how she felt, her body wrapped up in hers, that Patsy didn’t even notice her hand wondering up Delia’s thigh and hip, her fingers gently pushing up her jumper, exposing the soft skin of her tummy. Patsy had her eyes closed, allowing her desires to guide her as her mouth touched that soft skin, as she smelled her, tasted her. She placed lingering, slow kisses along the underside of her belly, along her hip, her tongue escaping her mouth to press against the soft side of a jutting hip bone.

The sound of a paperback book clamoring to the floor broke Patsy of her spell. She pulled away, feeling like she was in a daze. What on earth has she been doing?

‘Don’t stop,’ Delia breathed, her body arching into Patsy, ‘please don’t stop.’

Patsy closed her eyes again, allowing herself to give in to Delia’s pleading. To keep going. Delia likes what you’re doing, Patsy coached herself, she likes you. She wants you to touch her. She wants this. She wants _you_.

Patsy kept telling herself these things over and over again, her mouth placing fat, wet kisses along Delia’s belly, the woman below her arching her hips into her as her hands made subtle work of the button and zipper on her jeans. Patsy teasingly kissed Delia along the elastic waistband of her knickers, tugging at them with her teeth, pulling at them at an achingly slow pace that had Delia gasping, wiggling her hips, groaning in frustration.

‘Pats,’ Delia whined, ‘please, fuck, Pats…’

Patsy's hands pushed up Delia’s jumper, exposing more of her skin. Her fingertips just barely grazed the underside of her plump breast and Patsy noted with a thrill that Delia wasn’t wearing a bra. It would be so easy for her to push her jumper over her breasts, to touch them, kiss them, admire them. She kept herself from doing so because in the back of her mind she wanted Delia to be the one to make that decision. She wanted Delia to give her permission to do all those things. She would be patient. She would wait.

Delia sighed again at Patsy’s touches, the sound bringing Patsy back to where her mouth was. She was kissing Delia over her knickers, her jeans settling loosely on her hips. As her hands tugged at Delia’s jeans, she paused, thinking what a privilege this was. How someone as beautiful and as sweet and kind as Delia was letting her do this. Patsy wondered for a second if she was even worthy. If she had earned this right to please Delia. Had she? Was she good enough for this woman? Would she ever be?

Patsy's heart sank in her chest. She was doubting herself.

‘Fuck,’ Patsy swore as she pulled away slightly, shutting her eyes tight. What the hell was wrong with her? She growled in frustration as desire left her in place of the waves of anxiety that washed over her.

‘Wha…?’ Delia mumbled, seemingly coming out of whatever daze she had been in, ‘What is it? Why did you…,’ Delia blinked herself aware once more looking at the remorseful expression on Patsy's  face.

Delia sat up, raking her fingers through her long hair to get it out of her face.

‘Cariad, what’s wrong? Why did you stop?’

‘Deels, I’m sorry…’ Patsy said, sitting up, feeling so ashamed.

‘What… you…,’ Delia breathed, desire still clouding her mind, ‘you want to right? You want to have sex with me?’ Delia asked, her voice wavering with uncertainty. 

Patsy sighed, ‘Fuck, Deels, yes, I do. I swear I do. It’s just…’ Patsy felt horrible. So embarrassed. Why couldn’t she bring herself to sleep with someone who she actually wanted to sleep with? Who actually wanted to sleep with her?

‘Well why…?’ Delia looked confused, almost distraught.

‘My… my head, I just… I can’t get over how this is actually happening. I can’t stop second guessing myself. Wondering if I’m good enough for you. I just can’t get out of my head and it just takes me out of the moment.’

Patsy sighed, raking her fingers through her hair, hanging her head in shame, ‘Delia, it’s all me, alright. It’s just me and my hang ups. I swear it has nothing to do with you,’ Patsy shook her head, taking another deep breath, ‘God, I even told myself I wouldn’t let this happen again. I wouldn’t pull away from you again. Fuck,’ she mumbled to herself, ‘I can’t even do that. I can’t do anything right.’

Patsy turned to get away. Go anywhere from here. Sleep in the shed if she had to.

‘Patsy, stop.’

Patsy halted, one foot on the floor, the other tucked underneath her on the bed. She breathed deep, not baring to look Delia in the eye. She looked down so her hair covered her face. She didn’t want Delia to look at her. She felt so ashamed. So embarrassed.

Patsy felt the bed dip next to her as Delia scooted closer. She felt the smaller woman wrap her arms around her shoulders, hugging her as she tucked her head into the crook of Patsy neck.

Delia took a deep breath, ‘Pats…’ she started, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek, ‘I think you already know what I’m going to say.’

‘That I’m overthinking it,’ Patsy said, bringing her hand to her mouth to nervously bite at a cuticle, ‘that you do like me and want me to touch you. That I should stay in the moment,’ Patsy gave a frustrated sigh, ‘I’m trying. I’m trying. I keep telling myself that I am good enough…,’ Patsy trailed off, biting her lip.  

‘Patsy,’ Delia started, silencing the taller woman, ‘sweetheart, you know you are. You know how I feel about you,’ Delia said softly, bringing a hand to gently pull Patsy’s hand away from her mouth, ‘Cariad, there’s no need to be nervous. I absolutely loved what you were doing,’ Delia said as she brought Patsy’s hand to her mouth and kissed her knuckles.

Patsy took a deep breath, ‘I… I loved it, too. I’m sorry I can’t get over myself. I’m sorry I stopped…’

Delia shook her head and silenced her with a sweet kiss.

‘Why don’t we take a bit of a break, hmm?’ Delia suggested kindly, ‘I’ll make us a cuppa, alright?’

Patsy couldn’t help but look at her with sorrowful eyes, wanting to kick herself for having ruined this moment, but Delia’s cute smile won her over and she slowly nodded, allowing for Delia to lead her by the hand out of the bedroom and to the kitchen.

She took a seat at the table and watched as Delia filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove to heat up. She fussed a bit with hand washing some mugs and plunking tea bags into them as the water warmed. Patsy saw as the woman seemed to pointedly avoid eye contact with her as she tapped her fingers over and over again on the kitchen counter, her gaze turned to the small window above the sink,seemingly lost in thought. She barely blinked and only looked away from the window when the kettle began to scream.

Patsy remained silent, feeling rather awkward as Delia brought their mugs and the kettle over. Delia poured the steaming water in Patsy’s mug and sat across from her at the small kitchen table before serving herself. She watched as Delia looked out the window as the sun waned beneath the horizon, sighing heavily through her nose as she again tapped her fingers impatiently on the table. Patsy looked at her tea, feeling so guilty about putting Delia in such a state of frustration.

Delia seemed lost in thought as she blew on her tea, and it wasn’t until Patsy heard the sound of her mug clink against the kitchen table did she have the courage to look back up at the brunette.

‘You know, when I was in sixth form, I had a really good teacher,’ Delia started, swirling the sugar in her tea, ‘it was a small class, too, so she was able to give us the proper attention we needed to do well,’ Delia continued, tapping her spoon against her mug before placing it on the wooden table with a clink.

Patsy merely nodded from behind her own mug of tea, patiently waiting for Delia to continue.

‘The subject matter was rather boring, I thought. Environmental sciences. We studied vials of bacteria, took field trips to ponds and collected algae and the like. I didn’t particularly care for it, and neither did the other students, but our teacher kept it interesting. Kept us engaged by continuously asking us questions. She kept out attention. Most certainly kept our minds from wandering off due to any excessive bloviating that the other teachers were known for.’

Delia sipped her tea as she eyed Patsy.

‘Pats,’ Delia said after a moment regarding the redhead, ‘it seems like part of the issue is keeping you engaged. Keeping your mind on the task at hand, and you know, keeping it from venturing into all those pesky realms of doubt and self loathing.’

‘You mean there are others?’ Patsy joked, but immediately tucked into her tea when she saw Delia was not in the mood for jokes. The woman across the table from her looked dead serious.

‘You know what I think would help?’ Delia asked, leaning forward on her elbows, crossing her arms in front of her.

Patsy set her tea down on the table, ‘What’s that?’

Delia sighed, her eyes gazing over Patsy's body, giving her a once over before she responded, ‘Asking questions of course. Talking to you. Keeping you engaged. Keeping your mind on more… important things,’ Delia finished with a murmur.

Patsy's mouth opened in a gasp, her hands suddenly gripping the table as she felt Delia’s foot kick her legs open, snake up her thigh and press firmly against her groin. The sensation had Patsy squeezing her eyes shut as an aching moan rolled out of her mouth, Delia’s toes wiggling, placing just the right amount of pressure against her to make her crave more, make her rock her hips against that foot.

‘My, my,’ Delia said softly. Patsy thought she almost sounded bored if it weren’t for that delightful smirk that was spreading across her features, ‘Well you’re certainly excited aren’t you,’ Delia mused.

‘Deels,’ Patsy pleaded, only to be met with Delia's toes curls by against her, applying more pressure. She gripped the table until her knuckles were white, arching onto Delia’s foot.

‘You don’t want me to stop, do you?’

Patsy bit her lip and looked away, not wanting to admit how much she was really enjoying this.

This was a mistake as Delia took her foot away. Patsy whined, immediately missing her touch. She let out the deep breath that she had been holding in and opened her eyes, seeing Delia look back at her with a hint of amusement in her dark eyes.

‘Did you like that, cariad?’ she asked.

Patsy merely nodded, feeling her face grow exponentially hot.

‘I can’t hear you, sweetheart, speak up,’ Delia said demurely.

Patsy let out another shaky breath, her hips rocking against the chair for contact as she strained out a reply.

‘Yes,’ Patsy breathed, ‘Yes. I liked it.’

Patsy breathed a sigh of relief when he felt Delia’s socked foot slide against her inner thigh and press against her groin again, her toes wiggling and having Patsy's sex throb with that familiar wonderful pulse of desire again. Patsy nearly doubled over on the table from the sensory overload.

‘What else do you like, Pats?’ Delia asked calmly, blatantly ignoring the reaction she was getting from Patsy at the moment, ‘If we hadn’t stopped in the bedroom earlier, what would you have done to me?’

‘Whatever you wanted,’ Patsy choked out. She was struggling to think coherently.

‘Oh come now, Pats, use your imagination. I want to know what you want to do to me,’ she said, teasingly grazing down and up the length of Patsy with her big toe, ‘go on then. Tell me. I know you’ve thought about it.’

Patsy had no inhibitions at this point, and cried out the first thing that came to her mind.

‘Your feet!’

‘My feet?’ Delia asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘I’ve thought about… your feet,’ Patsy said bringing her hands to her face and feeling mortifyingly embarrassed.

‘Put your hands on the table,’ Delia commanded, ‘don’t hide from me.’

Patsy followed her instructions immediately, finding herself not wanting to disobey. She didn’t want Delia to stop what she was doing.

‘What about them?’ Delia gently coaxed, ‘What about my feet?’

‘I've thought about them,’ Patsy said, ‘I’ve thought about holding them, kissing them,’ she sighed, ‘Delia you have the most beautiful feet I’ve ever seen,’ she gasped out when Delia let off the pressure of her foot on Patsy's groin, tenderly rubbing her inner thigh with the side of her foot as Patsy caught her breath. 

‘Wow,’ Delia said, a sense of wonder in her tone as she rested her chin in her hand.

The absence of Delia’s foot against her groin brought on the dawning realization of what she had just said out loud, what she had just admitted. Patsy wished she were wearing a jumper right now so she could pull it over her head and disappear inside of it. Delia was certainly going to think she was some kind of weirdo.

‘That’s hot,’ Delia murmured.

Well, that was a much better response than she had thought Delia would have. Still embarrassed, Patsy settled for crossing her arms on the table and tucking her head into her elbow.

‘Do you have a thing for feet, Pats?’ Delia asked.

‘No…’ Patsy mumbled into her elbow, ‘just yours.’

Patsy could hear Delia give a slight chuckle.

‘Look at me, cariad,’ she said softly.

Patsy took a deep breath and looked up, watching as Delia stood from her seat and ran her fingers through her long hair.

Patsy loved it when she did that.

Delia held out her hand, ‘Don’t be shy, sweetheart,’ she said, ‘come here. Lets try again?’

Patsy blinked. Try again? Delia was giving her another chance? Patsy had no idea if this would be successful, but she couldn't find it in herself to deny this woman yet again. She had to try. She had no idea what Delia intended to do, but there was an air of confidence in Delia’s stance that made Patsy trust her. To trust her instinct. She liked Delia. She wanted Delia.

Patsy tentatively grasped her hand and she allowed Delia to help her stand, and Delia kissed her knuckles sweetly before she led her to the bedroom.

When they crossed the threshold into the room, Delia turned around and smiled, reaching around Patsy and closing the door behind her. She looked back up at Patsy with a glint in her eye, hooking her finger, indicating for Patsy to lean down. When she did, Delia kissed her. Patsy’s hands held Delia by the waist while Delia’s gently cupped Patsy's face, her lips kissing the corner of Patsy’s mouth, along her jaw, under her ear. Only when Patsy could feel herself relax in Delia’s arms did the brunette pull away.

‘Goodness, cariad,’ Delia started, a flair of the dramatics in her tone, Patsy noted, ‘My poor feet are so sore from standing at the stove cooking all day,’ she said, batting her eyelashes.

Patsy licked her lips, smiling. She wondered if Delia was playing another game with her. No matter what though, she was determined to play along and not let herself be sidetracked by any unwanted thoughts.

‘Oh, no, we can’t have that now,’ Patsy said, walking Delia backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed. Delia sat down, and Patsy moved to push her to lay down against the bed, but she stopped when Delia gently placed a hand against her forehead, pushing Patsy away.

‘Ah, ah, ah,’ Delia said softly.

Patsy pulled away slightly, blinking, confused.

‘My feet hurt so much, cariad,’ Delia pouted, ‘would you be a dear and…’ she trailed off with a smile, Patsy smiling back as she caught her drift.

‘Of course, darling, I would love to,’ Patsy smiled as she kneeled down between Delia’s legs, her hands taking a moment to casually graze over her thighs before Delia gently plucked her hands from her legs.

‘Focus…’ she said softly, but with a hint of warning in her tone.

Patsy felt her heart flutter as she swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. There was a sense of anticipation and excitement that was building up within Patsy. Delia had given her such a simple task, and she wanted to please Delia, the woman having been so patient, so kind with Patsy. She gave her another chance. She wanted this. Wanted her. Patsy focused all her energy on concentrating on the task at hand.

Patsy slowly sat back on her heels, taking Delia’s right foot and cradling it in the palm of her left hand. Her right hand grazed over the top of her socked foot for a moment, taking a moment to appreciate that Delia was having… no, letting her do this. She moved slightly, raising the cuff of Delia’s jeans and grazing her fingers over the top of her socks.

‘Oh, sweetie,’ Delia said, and Patsy looked up at her worriedly, halting her hands. She noticed that Delia looked rather demure and shy, ‘you’re just going to remove an article of clothing without asking first? That seems rather rude…’

Patsy blinked, and couldn’t help the small smile that graced her lips. Delia was adding another rule. She was forcing Patsy to slow down, to focus, to be patient and control her movements.

‘I’m so sorry, darling,’ she said, removing her hands and gently running them over Delia’s heel and pad of her socked foot, ‘How callus of me,’ she looked back up at Delia pleadingly, ‘May I please remove your socks?’

‘Oh, and why would you want to do a thing like that, baby?’ Delia asked innocently.

‘To admire your beautiful feet, while I rub them, of course,’ Patsy said, hoping Delia would grant her the permission she wanted.

Delia smiled with a shrug, ‘Oh, alright. You may take off my socks.’

‘Thank you, Darling,’ Patsy smiled back and returned to her task, and never in her life did taking off someone sock bring so much excitement, make her heart beat and her body hum with anticipation and desire. She licked her lips, almost hungrily, as she slowly peeled off Delia’s sock, revealing that perfect foot inch by inch before removing that sock from her foot inside out, tossing it to the floor, forgotten as she admired the absolutely beautiful naked foot she cradled in her hand.

Patsy sighed as if she were looking at a piece of art that moved her. The contours and curves and shapes she had admired the day before were all there, still beautiful, still so enticing and inviting. Her hands worked in tandem with one another to caress that foot, her fingers placing a firm, yet gentle pressure over Delia’s ankle, over her heel, over the top of her foot and around that perfect arch. She repeated these motions several times, eliciting many delightful gasps and sighs from the woman sitting on the bed. Patsy’s hands gently pulled on each and every one of those toes and rubbed them firmly before she gently placed that foot down and moved to the next.

‘May I…?’ she asked obediently, looking up at Delia to gauge her reaction.

‘Of course, cariad,’ Delia said, smiling down at Patsy.

Patsy licked her lips again with anticipation as she slowly peeled off Delia’s other sock, tossing it aside with the other, forgotten immediately as he cradled her left foot in her hand. She repeated those motions that had Delia sighing happily, relaxing, leaning back on the bed on her elbows as she watched Patsy with dark eyes rub her feet, admire them, practically dote on them.

Patsy’s hands firmly pressed against the muscles in her foot, gently taking one toe at a time and pulling on them. She couldn’t take her eyes off them, the look and feel of them so alluring, so inviting. As she pulled on Delia’s toes, she found that foot inching closer and closer to her face, her mouth watering as she tugged on that adorable pinkie toe. Patsy cradled that foot in both of her hands as she closed her eyes, her nose grazing along the arch of her foot before she kissed her there. She felt her tongue come out and tentatively lick the side of her foot before she placed a fat kiss in its wake.

Patsy was about to open her mouth and lavish a big toe before the foot she had been doting on was suddenly removed from her grasp. Her eyes opened wide as she felt a gentle shove on her chest, causing her to lose her balance and fall back on her bum with a thump.

Patsy had to admit, despite Delia’s small stature, the woman had a way of asserting herself. She was merely sitting there with an eyebrow raised,  looking coyly at Patsy with an air of control and confidence that Patsy was becoming more and more familiar with, and quite frankly, it was quite the turn on. She was so beautiful, her long brunette hair falling over her shoulder as she tilted her head, regarding Patsy with dark eyes, a slight smirk on her face. Patsy could tell she was resisting the urge to smile. This must have been as exciting for her as it was for Patsy.

‘Uh-uh,’ Delia said, a mischievous glint in her eye, ‘good girls ask before they touch,’ she said softly.

‘I’m so-,’ Patsy tried to apologize but she was cut off by Delia.

‘No, no,’ the brunette said, her foot moving from Patsy’s chest to her face, pressing against her cheek, ‘I don’t want to hear you’re sorry. I want to know if you’re a good girl.’

Patsy could only moan, the foot of her dreams pressed so wonderfully against her face, merely centimeters of her mouth, where she wanted to take those toes and taste them, suck on them and lavish them with the attention she knew they deserved.

‘Are you a good girl, Pat's?’ Delia asked softly, her toes teasingly tracing along her jawline and the shell of her ear.

Patsy closed her eyes, swallowing as she nodded frantically.

‘And what do good girls say?’ Delia asked.

‘Deels,’ Patsy gasped, ‘Darling… May I… May I please kiss your feet?’

Delia hummed, regarding Patsy’s request for a moment before she removed her foot from Patsy’s face.

Patsy blinked her eyes open, looking back up to Delia, frozen with anticipation, not daring to move without Delia's permission.

‘You may kiss my feet, sweet girl,’ Delia said, settling in on the edge of the bed  and making herself comfortable once more.

Patsy slowly sat up and assumed her prior position of sitting on her knees in front of Delia. She swallowed again, her hands moving to gently grasp Delia’s calf and ankle, slowly pulling her foot towards her, cradling that foot in her hands as if she were holding something delicate and precious.

She brought Delia’s left foot to her face again, looking back up at the brunette before she continued, ‘Thank you, darling,’ she said, and she closed her eyes as Delia merely licked her lips and smiled back at her.

Patsy softly grazed her nose along the arch of Delia's’ foot, her hands raising her foot and flexing it so that the underside was exposed to her, and Patsy took her time exploring that foot with her mouth. She grazed her lips along the underside, placing fat, lazy kisses along her heel, the arch, the padding, and finally her toes. Patsy placed a sweet kiss on each and every one of her toes before she returned to the start, sighing delightfully as she was finally able to open her mouth and wrap her lips around Delia’s index and middle toe. She sighed as she took the length of them in her mouth, her hands still cradling Delia’s foot as she sucked gently, coating them with spit, her tongue swirling around them. They tasted so good, felt so good in her mouth, so right. She wasn’t even aware that she was moaning, spreading her legs apart as she settled herself more onto the floor, between Delia’s legs.

Patsy opened her eyes when she heard Delia gasp. She saw the woman sitting on the bed bite her lip as she clutched the bed sheets in her hands. Patsy closed her eyes again and sighed, the image of Delia and her toes in her mouth draining the blood from her brain to other areas that throbbed painfully with desire. She found herself rocking her hips, seeking any kind of contact, but frustratingly to no avail.

Delia’s two toes left Patsy’s mouth with a small ‘pop’ as she moved to the others, mimicking the motions with her fingers earlier and wrapping her lips around them, gently sucking, pulling on each one and eliciting a delightful gasp or sigh from Delia in return.

When Patsy felt she had ignored Delia’s right foot for long enough, she gently placed her left foot down and moved to mimic her actions with the right, giving it the same adoring attention she had the other. She rubbed the underside of Delia’s right foot as she took her toes in her mouth, gently sucking, enticing sweet moans from the woman on the bed.

When Patsy felt she had satiated her need to lavish Delia’s absolutely perfect feet with the attention she knew they deserved, she gently placed Delia’s foot back down on the floor and balled her fists at her knees, looking to Delia, waiting for instructions.

Delia seemed to be resisting the urge to squirm in her seat, looking back down at Patsy with dark eyes, her lips plump and parted as she stood to her feet.

Patsy remained still, her gaze up at Delia while the brunette looked down, her hand gently running through Patsy's red locks before resting tenderly on her cheek.

‘That felt so good, cariad,’ Delia said lovingly, ‘you really give the best foot rubs.’

Patsy smiled and closed her eyes, leaning into her hand, ‘Thank you, Darling,’ she breathed, loving the attention and praise. 

‘Would you like a little treat for doing something so sweet for me?’

Patsy opened her eyes again, looking up at Delia with a small smile.

Delia returned her smile and took a step back, crossing her arms in front of her and she peeled off her jumper and top over her head, tossing the inside out garments on the floor in a heap forgotten with the socks.

Patsy stared up at Delia’s half naked figure transfixed as the brunette raked her fingers through her hair and fluffed the long locks around her shoulders. The strands fell around Delia’s chest and Patsy's eyes followed across her naked torso, her breasts wonderfully round and firm, her stomach taught, but soft. Patsy ached to kiss all that exposed skin, to touch her. Once more her mouth watered with the desire to take part of Delia’s body on her mouth again as she gazed hungrily at those pink nipples.

Delia giggled slightly as she took an index finger under Patsy's chin and gently urged her to close her mouth with a soft click.

‘I need your help with something, cariad,’ Delia said, her fingers coming around to brush the fringe out of Patsy's eyes.

‘Yes, Darling?’ Patsy said automatically. She felt her spine straighten, waiting at attention for Delia’s next command. Her next request. What did Delia need? Patsy would have done anything for her in that moment.

‘Will you help me take off my trousers, pretty girl?

Yes, especially that. She would definitely help with that.

‘Of course, Darling,’ Patsy breathed.

As Patsy raised her hands to the hem of Delia’s jeans, she could feel her breath hitch in her throat, her heartbeat quicken with anticipation. She licked her lips as her fingers deftly undid the button and pulled down her zipper, achingly slow. She traced her fingers around Delia’s waist before they dipped under the hem of her jeans and she guided them down over Delia’s shapely hips and thighs. Patsy fought with herself to keep from leaning forward and kissing that cream colored skin. She couldn’t bare to do anything without asking Delia, without the woman giving her permission, she wouldn’t do it, even if the smell of lavender mixed with Delia’s own natural desire hit Patsy's senses and lured her to Delias body like a siren call.

Delia gracefully stepped one foot out of her jeans and used the other to kick the garment aside with the rest.

Patsy leaned back, placing her hands on her knees as she waited for further instructions, her eyes following Delia’s beautiful feet as she began to walk a circle around Patsy.

‘Oh, cariad,’ Delia tisked disapprovingly, ‘this just wont do.’

Patsy looked up at Delia as she walked in Patsy's line of view again, firmly planting her feet in front of her as she placed her hands on her hips.

‘I’m standing here practically naked and you’re still fully dressed. It’s just not fair,’ Delia pouted as she ran her fingers gently through Patsy's hair, ‘will you stand for me Pats? Will you let me undress you? Let me see your beautiful body?’

Patsy let out a shaky breath. She clenched her fists, reminding herself that Delia had seen her scars before. She didn’t run. Didn’t judge her. Didn’t think she was disgusting. She had seen her and still called her beautiful. Patsy trusted Delia. Patsy could do this.

Slowly, Patsy rose to her feet and Delia patiently watched her with kind eyes as Patsy hooked her fingers under the collar of her top and pulled it over her head in one fluid motion. She took a deep breath through her nose as the cold air hit her, and she could feel the skin around her breasts and arms rise in little bumps.

Patsy shyly looked at Delia’s expression and the woman’s eyes were practically sparkling, her mouth in a lopsided smile as she gazed at Patsy's naked torso.

‘Wow,’ Delia breathed, her fingers coming to gently graze along Patsy's chest, over the full curve of her breasts. Her fingers teasingly circled over one of Patsy's nipples and her smile turned into a full blown grin when she enticed a small gasp from Patsy.

Delia's fingers trailed down Patsy's torso, circling over her belly button before she walked around Patsy, and the taller woman could feel the warmth of Delia’s skin pressed against her back as she placed sweet kisses between her shoulders, her hands gently grazing over Patsy's hips and waist. Patsy could feel Delia graze her lips over the burn mark in the middle of her back, her fingers doing the same to the scars on her hips, and for once, Patsy didn’t feel like panicking.

‘So pretty,’ Delia whispered as she grazed her soft lips across Patsy's back, ‘god, Pats, I want to kiss each and every one of your freckles someday.’

Patsy couldn’t help but bite her lip, thinking Delia would be quite occupied in the summertime.

She gasped slightly as she felt Delia’s hands come around to cup her breasts, she she couldn’t help but lean back against her, allowing for Delia to embrace her from behind. Patsys eyes closed and her lips parted, deep breaths escaping as Delia held her tight and caressed her. She could feel Delia smile against her back as she kissed her, happy that Patsy was so receptive to her touch. And how could she not be? Delia had gotten her so worked up, every nerve ending under her skin felt so sensitive, Patsy knew it wouldn’t take much for her to come undone.

Patsy could feel Delia’s hands slowly trail down her body, over her rib cage, her stomach, her hips. Patsy bit her lip when she felt Delia’s fingers seemingly absentmindedly graze over her scars for the second time that day, but she did it with such care that it didn’t bother Patsy in the slightest.

They were part of Patsy, the scars. They were something that would always be there and they were part of her just like every freckle and dimple and god knows what else and Delia still found her beautiful. Still worth these touches, still deserving of this pleasure.

Patsy’s breath hitched in her throat again as she felt Delia’s nimble hands unbutton her jeans and pull down her zipper. Delia’s hands only left her body for a moment as she guided Patsy’s jeans off her hips and thighs and down her legs, Patsy stepping out of them when they hit the floor and Delia tossed them aside. Delia was standing again in no time with her arms wrapped around Patsy once more, holding her. Patsy closed her eyes and leaned into her again, letting Delia hold her, letting her touch her, caress her. Patsy signed when Delia dipped her hand between her legs and felt Patsy's need through her knickers. Patsy could hear Delia sigh against her back, pressing her forehead against the back of her neck.

‘Oh, god, cariad,’ Delia sighed as she placed fat kisses between Patsy's shoulders, ‘you feel so good. So hot.’

Patsy whimpered, her knees feeling weak and it took everything of hers to remain standing as Delia flexed her fingers, stroking her through her knickers. Patsy was sure they were soaked, was sure that Delia was pleased that she had such an effect on her.

‘Oh, sweet girl,’ Delia breathed, her fingers coming to tentatively brush along the elastic waistband of Patsy's knickers, ‘will you let me touch you?’ she asked, and Patsy could only nod, her mind being too fogged with desire to speak coherently. She sighed as she felt Delia dip her fingers underneath, gently kissing at Patsy's exposed skin while her fingers brushed at the curls between Patsy's legs.

Patsy simply sighed, rolling her hips into her hand, and Delia continued as she was met with no resistance. Her two fingers dipped between Patsy's slick folds and both women gasped at the sensation.

Patsy could feel Delia’s grip around her body tighten. She leaned back against her, allowing for Delia to hold her as she stroked her fingers between her legs, rolled her fingers over her hard clit. She couldn’t help the sounds that came out of her mouth. No one had touched her like this for a long, long time. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so turned on before. All her nerve endings were alive and crying out, for once begging for contact, for once begging to be touched. Patsy wished they were laying down. She wanted Delia to be against her, she wanted to be touching Delia in every way possible, but Delia was taking the lead now. If Patsy was patient then maybe… maybe Delia would allow her the privilege of kissing her all over. Of allowing Patsy to make her feel as good as she was making Patsy feel now.

Delia left hand trailed up Patsy's body and found Patsy's lips, and the redhead opened her mouth to receive her fingers, taking them in, swirling her tongue over them, sucking on them just like she did Delia’s toes. Her mind was suddenly on those toes again. Those feet. Those beautiful, perfect feet that Delia so wonderfully granted her the privilege of adoring.

Absentmindedly, Patsy placed her right hand over Delia’s right forearm, her left hand placed over Delias left, holding her in place, hoping she would keep going. Patsy was so close. She was so close. She was going to come, she knew it. She was going to come undone at Delia’s skillful hands, her fingers continuing to roll over her clit and Patsy's breathing matched the rhythm of the smaller woman’s hand. She felt so small in her arms, so taken care of, so loved. She felt she was able to just let go but something in the back of her lust fogged brain told her she needed to make sure this was acceptable. She needed Delia’s approval.

Patsy opened her mouth and released Delia’s fingers suddenly, gasping.

‘Deels!’ Patsy cried out urgently, ‘May I please come?’

‘Yes,’ Delia breathed, her voiced almost filled with the same sense of urgency, ‘come for me sweet girl, I want you to come,’ she gasped, her left hand moving to gently grasp Patsy's breasts as the fingers on her right continued stroking, firmly rolling over that hard clit and her motions had Patsy gasping, the redheads hands holding tight onto Delia’s arms as she struggled to stay standing.

Suddenly, Patsy cried out, her eyes screwed shut and she saw stars behind them as her orgasm rocked her body, wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her, slowly subsiding as she caught her breath. She quivered in Delia’s arms as the smaller woman held her tight, letting Patsy ride out her orgasm, the taller woman’s hips rolling against her hand as she slowly came down.

Patsy could feel Delia place gentle kisses behind her neck as her breathing steadied. She was glad the strength in her legs had come back by the time Delia loosened her grip around her body, and she could feel Delia walk back around to her front, looking back up at Patsy slyly as she brought her two fingers to her mouth, tasting Patsy. Patsy raked her fingers through her messy hair as she watched as Delia eyed her hungrily.

‘Come here,’ Delia said, hooking her index finger in Patsy's direction.

Patsy leaned down and Delia embraced her and kissed her deeply. Patsy felt the air in her body leave her once more as Delia sensually opened her mouth and pressed her tongue against hers, pull at her lip. She was happy Delia was in front of her again. She preferred to look at her, hold her.

‘You sounds so lovely when you come, cariad,’ Delia sighed, ‘so sexy,’ she continued as she palmed her hand over Patsy's breasts. The sensation had Patsy sighing, every inch of her body still being so sensitive to touch.

‘You are such a good girl, cariad,’ Delia whispered in Patsy's ear as she leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss in Patsy's neck, ‘asking for permission like that to come for me. You’re so good,’ she sighed, ‘Such a sweet girl. I think I might just let you pleasure me now.’

Patsy's eyes closed as Delia’s tongue pressed against a sensitive pressure point on her neck, and for a normal person, a myriad of ideas would be flashing through their heads, but Patsy's brain was still so clouded with lust that she really only had one desire. Something that she had been aching to do.

‘Deels,’ Patsy breathed as the smaller woman pulled her gently by the hands towards the bed. Patsy didn’t even feel herself take those few steps.

‘Deels, I really want to…,’ Patsy trailed off as Delia sat back down on the bed and guided Patsy to her knees again.

Delia let out a disappointed sigh, ‘Oh, Pats, cariad, you were doing so good, too.’

Patsy blinked, looking up at Delia again from her spot on the floor, wondering what she did wrong.

‘You have to ask, pretty girl,’ Delia said, smiling sweetly as she raked her fingers through Patsy's red hair, ‘if you want something you have to ask for it.’

Patsy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Right. She needed permission first. She needed Delia’s approval.

‘Deels…,’ Patsy sighed, leaning into Delia’s touch, ‘May I please…’ Patsy swallowed another lump in her throat, her mind and body so overcome with desire with what she wanted to do, she was having a hard time controlling herself.

‘Yes, sweetheart?’ Delia asked when Patsy paused.

Patsy clenched her teeth, trying to maintain control because her patience was thinning. She had never wanted her mouth on another woman’s body as badly as she wanted her mouth on Delia right then. Never had she wanted her fingers inside of another woman as much as she wanted to be inside of Delia, fucking her, making her moan, making her cry out, making her come over and over again. Patsy took a deep breath, forcing herself to be patient. She had never remembered having to work so hard for sex before, having to follow so many rules, but she was finding more and more that her patience was paying off. That playing Delia’s game, following her rules, she would be rewarded.

So, Patsy licked her lips and opened her eyes and looked up at the beautiful woman staring down at her expectantly, and like the good girl she knew she could be, she calmly asked for what she really wanted.

‘Delia, may I please remove your knickers?’

Delia leaned back on her hands, casually flipping her hair over her shoulder as she tisked, a little disappointed.

Patsy's heart sank in her chest.

‘Oh, but Patsy I really do like these knickers,’ Delia said as she spread her legs a little for Patsy to admire the sensible blue cotton knickers. Suddenly Patsy’s heart didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

‘They’re just so nice and soft,’ Delia said, licking her lips as she eyed Patsy's eager expression, ‘Would you like to feel how soft they are?’ she asked.

Patsy was at loss for words, so she simply nodded. She shyly scooted herself forward, settling her bum on her ankles again from her spot on the floor between Delia’s legs and tentatively reached a hand forward.

‘No, no, cariad,’ Delia said softly as reached forward and raked her fingers through Patsy's hair, gently grabbing into a fistful of Patsy's red locks, ‘not with your hands…’

Patsy had to bite her lip to contain her smile as she caught on to what Delia was saying. She looked up at Delia shyly and placed her hands on her own knees, leaning forward, allowing Delia to gently guide her head between her legs until she could feel both of her cheeks graze along the soft, warm skin of Delia’s inner thighs. 

Delia’s grip on Patsy's hair tightened as the redhead closed her eyes and gently grazed her nose along the length of her, feeling her warmth, taking in that scent that only Delia could make, her mouth watering and she resisted the urge to open her mouth and lap at her through her knickers. She hadn’t been told she could. Not yet. She hoped she would, but not yet.

‘Do you like how they feel, sweetheart?’ Delia asked, her breathing coming through a little heavier.

Patsy could only manage to hum an ‘Mmmhmm,’ in response as she continued to nuzzle her nose and lips along Delia’s knickers.

‘How do they feel?’ Delia asked, ‘Tell me.’

Patsy took a deep breath, needing a moment to register what Delia was asking of her.

‘They…’ she sighed, ‘they do feel so soft. Very warm…’ she trailed off as Delia rolled her hips into her face, causing Patsy to clutch her knees so tight she was sure she was going to leave marks with her fingernails.

‘And how do they smell?’ Delia asked, pressing herself gently into Patsy.

Patsy was in heaven. She took another deep breath of Delia’s natural scent and felt her mouth water. She squirmed where she was sitting, the desire building up in her once more and she ached to be touched, but now was not the time. She needed to focus on Delia.

‘They smell divine,’ Patsy sighed against her as she rubbed her nose down and up her slit, gently grazing along the length of her. Patsy had to stop herself from smiling when she heard Delia let out a shaky sigh.

‘Will you tell me how they taste, too, cariad?’ Delia breathed.

Patsy felt Delia grasp at her hair now with both her hands, holding onto her with her two hands as she gently pressed her face into Delia, her mouth opening to allow her tongue to give a slow, lazy lick up the length of her. She placed a fat kiss right over where she knew Delia’s clit would be and she was rewarded with a sensual sigh.

‘They taste so sweet, darling,’ Patsy said, closing her eyes and giving another slow and teasing lick, ‘like the most delicious honey,’ she breathed.

For once Patsy could hear Delia be the one to swallow a lump in her throat. She could feel the smaller woman's hips wiggling against her with the aching need to be touched. It took all the restraint Patsy had to not smile at the thought.

Delia wasn’t moving her hands and Patsy took that as a signal to give the woman more achingly slow licks. Patsy opened her mouth wide and continued what she had been doing. She could feel Delia’s knickers become even more wet than they were with the mixture of her own spit and Delia’s need. She didn’t care so long as the woman holding her there continued making those delightful gasps and giggles every time Patsy rubbed her nose against where she knew her clit was.

‘Alright, sweetheart,’ Delia sighed, gently pulling Patsy’s head from between her legs, ‘I think I’ve had enough of your teasing.’

Patsy merely closed her eyes and licked her lips, the taste was faint on her lips from whatever she was able to lap us that seeped through Delia’s knickers.

If only she would let her remove this stupid barrier.

‘You know,’ Delia mused, ‘you’re so good at giving tongue lashings to the girls at work, it’s all rather impressive.’

Patsy opened her eyes, looking up at her curiously as she waited for her to continue.

‘I’m rather curious to know if you’re any good at giving a different kind of tongue lashing. Here, in the bedroom.’

Patsy could practically feel her eyes light up with hope.

‘You may take off my knickers now, cariad.’

Patsy went to move, but stopped and looked up at her, hesitating, and Delia gave a little giggle.

‘It’s alright, you can use your hands if you want to,’ Delia said, and Patsy beamed.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Patsy wasted no time bringing her hands to Delia’s knickers and peeling them off her, sliding them down her legs and tossing them aside, completely forgotten the moment they left her grasp.

‘May I...’

‘Yes,’ Delia breathed, ‘whatever it is you want to do, just do it.’

Patsy was barely able to breathe out a ‘Thank you,’ before she parted Delia’s legs from the knees and dove in, her mouth coming into contact with her pussy in an instant as her hands hitched her legs over her shoulders. Patsy hungrily lapped at Delia, all control and restraint gone as she used every bit of her mouth to take her in, to take in her taste and her smell and oh how soft she was. She pulled at those lips with her own, swirled her tongue over her hard clit, pressed her face into her so hard she couldn’t breathe, and she didn’t care. She needed Delia. Every last bit of her.

Patsy hands were practically clawing at Delia’s body, pulling her towards her, closer, harder. She barely registered that Delia had fallen back against the soft duvet as her hands used the new angle to blindly feel her, wander over her taut stomach, over her soft breasts, and back down again to grasp her perfectly blossomed hips that felt so right in her hands. 

Delia crossed her ankles over Patsy’s back, her soft thighs pressing against her ears, but to Patsy’s delight not enough for them to block out the achingly wanton moans and ‘ooh’s’ that rolled out of Delia's mouth and filled the room, matched only with the sounds of Patsy’s soft sighs and throaty moans as she lapped at the smaller woman.

Patsy was able to compose herself enough to gather her bearings, controlling her motions enough to find a steady rhythm that Delia seemed to be rather receptive to judging by her arched back and the death grip she now had on Patsy’s hair. Patsy’s hands continued their sweet caresses along Delia’s body and especially over her breasts, Patsy noting  to herself that she would give them special attention with her mouth as soon as she was done here.

Patsy could suddenly feel Delia’s body tense, hear her breathing become more urgent. Patsy chanced a peek at the smaller woman as she firmly rolled her tongue over her clit, keeping her steady rhythm as she watched Delia’s back arch towards the ceiling, her mouth hanging open, gasping for air as the grip on her hair seemed to only tighten.

She was going to come. Patsy closed her eyes and sighed, relishing the thought. She was going to make Delia come, by her own hands and mouth. Patsy resisted the urge to squirm where she sat, the overwhelming desire to be touched herself at the thought became almost too much to resist. She forced herself to focus on the woman in her arms, the woman who was about to fall over that edge, and Patsy was going to be there to catch her when she fell.

Delia finally cried out, and Patsy held onto her hips tight as they seemed to rise off the bed and come crashing back down, her body convulsing in Patsy’s arms as she came hard. Patsy’s mouth never left her as her hips rolled against her, her body shuttering as she rode out her orgasm. Patsy let up the pressure she had against Delia with her mouth, instead moving to give sweet kisses against her lips, against the soft brown curls between her legs, and along the soft skin of her inner thigh.

Only when Delia let up the grasp her legs had around Patsy’s head did Patsy pull away and allow the woman to recover without her touch.

Patsy obediently sat back on her ankles, her hands clenched at her knees as she watched Delia’s naked form sit up, still breathing heavily as she raked her fingers through her hair, pushing it messily out of her eyes. Patsy licked her lips, knowing the taste of Delia was all over her mouth and chin, and the taste of her with the image of her naked body in front of her had Patsy craving her touch again. Patsy couldn’t help herself as she squirmed where she sat, wiggling her hips, her body aching to be touched again.

This didn't go unnoticed by Delia, who licked her lips as she silently regarded Patsy’s body language.

Delia situated herself so that she was on her knees, crawling backwards on the bed as she said, ‘Come here, cariad,’ and as if being pulled by a string, Patsy found herself following, rising to her feet briefly as she crawled onto the bed to join Delia.

Patsy barely had time to register what was happening before she felt herself tossed onto her back, practically thrown onto the pillows, her hands raised above her head as she collected her bearings. She suddenly felt a pair of hands unapologetically tug at her knickers, pulling them off hastily and toss them aside, and for the first time she lay completely naked in front of Delia.

‘Fingers?’ Delia asked, her voice laden with desire. It seemed Patsy wasn’t the only one disoriented by lust this evening.

‘Anything,’ Patsy breathed, and Delia wasted no time lavishing Patsy’s body with kisses and touches, her mouth and hands hastily working their way down, over her breasts, her stomach, her hips, Patsy loving every second of it, until finally Delia settled in between Patsy's legs and Patsy cried out as she felt Delia part her slit with her tongue, pulling back slightly only to dive right in again. Patsy closed her eyes, throwing her head back against the pillows, feeling her body practically sink into the bed as Delia gave her the same attention she gave her to her most intimate area, where she had desired her touch the most. Patsy found herself whimpering, Delia’s touches being so sweet, yet so passionate, full of desire and want that Patsy could barely handle it. Then, she felt a pair of fingers enter her that had her crying out, her hands suddenly reaching up to grasp onto whatever they could find, and in this instance, it was the old iron headboard. She needed something to pull against as her body acted on its own, her hip rising in time with Delia’s thrusts, with that small yet powerful tongue rolling over her aching clit again and again, that steady rhythm with both her fingers and her tongue making Patsy moan as she was pulled closer and closer to that edge for the second time that night. Delia seemed to know just where to thrust and prod within Patsy to get the most reaction out of her. Patsy felt her back arch, her hips rising off the bed as Delia continued to thrust her fingers into her, to suck on her clit and press her tongue against it at the same time with that pressure that was building up for Patsy to have one of the best orgasms of her life.

Finally, it happened, and Patsy cried out as she squeezed her eyes shut, seeing sparks once more that evening and she gripped above her head and raised her hips off the bed before they came crashing down, her hips rolling as her body convulsed, her sex clamping down tight around Delia’s wonderful, wonderful, absolutely lovely magical fingers.

Patsy threw her arm over her eyes as her body quivered, her chest heaving as she caught her breath. She was vaguely aware of soft strands of hair grazing along her torso and a pair of lips sweetly kissing their way up her body, small yet firm hands caressing her breasts before being replaced with those sweet lips. Patsy looked down in time to see a pair of full pink lips wrap around her nipple and gently pull, the sensation having Patsy arch her back and sigh.

‘Oh, Patsy,’ Delia said, peppering Patsy's chest with kisses, ‘you naughty, naughty girl.’

Patsy’s eyes widened. What had she done?

‘You came without asking permission,’ Delia continued, her tongue dipping into the dip of Patsy's neck.

‘Oh, Darling, I’m so sorry,’ Patsy breathed, finding herself squirming under Delia’s touch. Her body was still humming, still sensitive from having such a strong orgasm, ‘how could I have been so careless?’ she continued, very well knowing she was being fucked too good to think coherently to ask for any kind of permission to come.

‘You must be punished for such an infraction,’ Delia pouted, but her gaze was serious.

‘What shall you have me do?’ Patsy asked, her eyes falling to Delia’s full, pouty lips.

‘What do you want to do more than anything else in this moment?’ Delia asked.

‘Kiss you,’ Patsy said honestly.

Delia looked back at Patsy through half lidded eyes, her finger coming to rest on  Patsy's lips.

‘Denied.’

Patsy closed her eyes and sighed, tucking her bottom lip into her mouth, resisting the urge to even kiss her finger. She didn’t know if Delia only meant kiss her lips, but she didn’t want to take any chances and worsen her punishment.

‘Whatever can I do to make it up to you, Darling?’ Patsy asked, her hands caressing Delia’s naked back and bum while she surreptitiously raised a thigh between Delia’s legs, causing the woman in her arms to practically purr at the contact.

‘I don’t know, cariad,’ Delia said, sitting up and straddling Patsy.

Patsy kept her hands away from Delia’s body. With her new position, Patsy was unsure if she was allowed to touch her anymore.

Delia leaned forward slightly, placing her hands on Patsy's chest to balance herself as she ground herself against Patsy, both women sighing at the contact. Patsy screwed her eyes shut as she wiggled her hips, and Delia smiled mischievously at Patsys reaction, noting that Patsy was clenching her hands into fists and then releasing them again.

‘You’re just dying to touch me, aren’t you?’ Delia grinned, sighing as she rocked her hips again against Patsy and she took great joy as the redhead squirmed underneath her.

‘Yes,’ Patsy gasped, thrusting into Delia to meet the woman’s rocking hips, ‘May I please touch you darling?’

Delia chuckled slightly as she continued her slow gyrations, her own breath hitching in her throat at the contact.

‘I don’t know, Pats,’ she breathed, her hands wondering over Patsy’s torso, palming over Patsy’s sensitive breasts, making her close her eyes and sigh, ‘I think I’m having too much fun watching you squirm under me,’ Delia smiled as she looked down at Patsy, ‘you make the cutest faces when I tease you like this.’

Patsy pouted, but watched intently as Delia slowly leaned down, bringing her lips within a hairs width of her own as she reached above Patsys head and grasped her right hand.

‘I will admit, though,’ Delia sighed, licking her lips, and it took everything Patsy had to remain still and not press her lips against hers, ‘since I’ve started seeing you in a new light, I’ve been rather fascinated with these,’ she paused to sit up again, taking Patsy’s hand with her, ‘gorgeous, delicately long fingers of yours, Pats.’

Patsy's heart fluttered at the sight of Delia bringing her hand to her face and placing kisses along the length of her thumb and across her palm. Delia closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose against her palm, smiling as Patsy couldn’t help the whimper that left her mouth as Delia’s lips grazed achingly slow along the length of her two fingers.

‘I’ve been wondering, how do they taste?’ She said as she placed a kiss on the pads of Patsy's index and middle finger, ‘I’ve been wondering… no, fantasizing, them inside of me, you fucking me with them,’ she said as she opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around Patsy's two fingers, the woman on the bed giving an aching gasp as she watched them disappear into her mouth. Patsy swallowed hard as she felt Delia’s tongue swirl around her fingers and pull them out with a sheen of spit that glistened in he low light of the lamps lighting the cozy bedroom.

‘Pats,’ Delia said looking down at her through half lidded eyes.

Patsy blinked. She needed to find it in herself to speak, ‘Yes Darling?’

‘You may touch me,’ she said simply.

Patsy wasted no time sitting up and wrapping Delia in her arms, laying the brunette down on her back with a giggle, Patsy finding her face playfully nuzzling between Delia’s breasts and silently cursing the heavens she wasn’t allowed to kiss her, wasn’t allowed to open her mouth and wrap her lips around those pretty nipples, kiss her collarbone, her jawline, her ear. She tried to convey with her fingertips what she wished she could be doing with her lips just then, lightly feathering them over Delia’s skin, over the curve of her breasts and around her nipples, over the bumps of her rib cage and the dip of her bellybutton. These light touches extracted delighted gaspes and giggles from Delia and Patsy swore to herself that she had never heard anything more heavenly.

‘May I ask you something, Darling?’ Patsy asked, her hand dipping between Delia’s legs, palming her inner thigh and gently urging her legs apart.

‘Hmm?’ Delia sighed, her smile turning to a lazy smirk as her giggles subsided, ‘What’s that, sweet girl?’ she asked as she wrapped her arms around Patsy's shoulders.

‘Please do tell me when my punishment is over.’

Delia closed her eyes and gasped as Patsy parted her with her fingers, grazing the length of them down and up Delia’s slit, coating them with her natural wetness.

‘I so long to kiss you,’ Patsy sighed, nuzzling her nose against Delia’s jaw.

Patsy pulled away slightly and watched as Delia’s eyes fluttered shut, her mouth formed an ‘o’ as Patsy took her time, entering her slowly with her slick fingers, stretching her, filling her. Both women sighed at the sensation, Delia rolling her head back onto the soft duvet, Patsy closing her eyes briefly, feeling herself gravitate towards Delia, pressing their warm bodies together. She loved the feeling of Delia’s skin pressed against hers, she decided.

The redhead watched Delia’s features with slight amusement as she slowly pulled out, and pushed back into her just as slow, the entire length of her fingers able to fill her now, the brunettes blue eyes screwing shut as she let it an aching whimper.

‘Oh, cariad,’ Delia said, breathless, ‘Pats, oh, please, baby…’

Even though Patsy knew what Delia so desperately wanted, she felt like being a brat.

‘Hmm?’ She hummed as she kept her achingly slow pace, smiling slightly as she gently pushed her thumb against Delia’s clit, enticing a moan, her back arching, ‘Yes, Darling?’ Patsy asked softly as she felt Delia messily entangle her fingers in her hair.

‘Pats…’ Delia whined with a pout, wiggling her hips, her arms coming to wrap around Patsy's head and pull her close.

Patsy continued slowly pulling out of Delia and pushing back into her, her thumb teasingly rolling over her clit as Delia let out a frustrated whimper.

‘You can kiss me,’ Delia gasped out, ‘you can kiss me.’

‘Thank you,’ Patsy breathed.

She closed her eyes and happily brought her lips to Delia’s wonderfully exposed neck as she increased her pace with her hand, pulling her fingers out and thrusting back into her again faster, her knuckles hitting against her just enough to have Delia’s body rock in her arms. The smaller woman seemed to love it, much to Patsy's delight, as her grip around Patsy's neck tightened, her mouth opened and gasping, her moans wanton and aching. Patsy repeated these motions over and over again, finding a pace and pressure that had Delia completely receptive to her touch, relaxing in her arms.

Patsy’s mouth and body traveled downwards slightly, her teeth gently grazing against a protruding collarbone before she kissed the valley between Delia’s breasts. Patsy loved how warm she was, how soft her skin felt against hers. Patsy’s lips grazed along Delia’s breasts before her mouth sought a firm nipple, opening and swirling her tongue around the sensitive bud before firmly pulling. Patsy was rewarded with a small cry, and she kissed her way across Delia’s chest, taking her time, kissing her, tasting her, taking in the wonderful feeling of her face between Delia’s breasts before she finally moved to the other and repeated her motions, taking her sensitive nipple into her mouth and ravishing it with attention.

Patsy felt her fingers graze against a rather sensitive spot within Delia, and it was made apparent to her when Delia reacted by clenching her fingers into her scalp. Patsy couldn’t help but smile and hook her two fingers on that spot, her thumb continuing to rub her clit as she did so, listening as Delia was suddenly gasping for air as if she were drowning.

‘Oh, Pats,’ Delia managed to cry out, ‘Oh, fuck, cariad,’ she gasped out , her arms wrapping around Patsy’s head, holding her tight against her chest.

It was as this moment Patsy had wished she had taken a deep breath, because Delia had her head in such a grip, Patsy’s nose and mouth pressed so tight against her breasts, that no air was able to get in. This barely registered with Patsy, thinking she would have held her breath in this moment anyway, fucking Delia, her fingers barely able to move anymore as she felt Delia clamp down around them, her fingers in her hair, and those aching cries filling her ears. Where she was now was certainly not the worst place to have taken her last breath, if she had.

Patsy was able to hold on long enough to listen as Delia came, hear those wonderful, beautiful moans roll out of her mouth, fill the room with her cries as she came around her fingers. Patsy halted the thusting of her fingers, her hand still in place, keeping with the motion of Delia’s hips as they rose off the bed and came crashing down again, rolling through the aftershocks as her body quaked.

After a few deep breaths, Delia’s orgasm finally subsided enough to loosen her grip on Patsy’s head, and the redhead tilted her head up gasped, not realizing how much her lungs were burning until she gulped down a bit of air.

‘Sorry,’ Delia sighed with a small smile, her chest still heaving from the exertion.

Patsy looked up at her and saw that her cheeks were pink, her forehead laced with a thin layer of sweat and her hair was an absolute mess sprawled out around her.

It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Patsy smiled back, taking a few more breaths of air as she slowly kissed her way back up Delia’s body.

‘It’s alright,’ she said softly, her mouth coming to kiss a pulse point under Delia’s ear as the smaller woman continued to whimper and quiver in her arms, ‘If I’m to suffocate to death, that’s how I’d prefer it.’

Delia managed a smile as Patsy looked down at her, the smaller womans hand reaching up to tuck the loose, messy strands of Patsy’s hair behind her ears. She cupped her face in her hand and pulled her down for a kiss.

Delia pulled away suddenly, closing her eyes with a gasp as her body shook once more.

‘Sorry,’ she breathed, ‘that was… that was just…’ she trailed off, and Patsy took her hand in hers, bringing it to her mouth for a sweet kiss.

‘It’s alright, Darling,’ Patsy’s heart fluttered, for two reasons, she thought, because the woman in her arms was so beautiful and she was arrogantly happy that she had made her come so hard.

‘Was everything,’ Delia started, taking a deep breath of air once more as she composed herself, ‘was everything alright? You were… OK? With… everything?’

Patsy blinked, then smiled, honestly touched, ‘Delia, yes, I… your methods worked, that’s for sure… I didn’t… I felt safe. I didn’t feel like pulling away once, if that’s what you’re asking. I was absolutely able to stay here in the moment, with you.’

Delia nodded, smiling, ‘Good,’ she leaned forward and kissed Patsy once more before her head fell back against the soft duvet with a sigh, ‘Oh, god, Pats, you have no idea how badly I wanted this.’

‘I have some idea,’ Patsy said as she moved to wrap her arms lovingly around Delia once more and nuzzle her neck, but she halted her motions once she felt Delia urgently place a hand on her arm.

‘Is something burning?’

Patsy blinked, raising her head for a moment to take a sniff. Her eyes widened and she looked back at Delia who was suddenly wide awake.

The smaller woman pushed Patsy aside and sprang from the bed, running naked to the kitchen, leaving Patsy alone in the bedroom staring after her absolutely perplexed. She heard the sounds of Welsh swearing coming from the kitchen and Delia fusing noisily with pots and pans.

Patsy thought maybe she should go out and help, but the chill in the night air had her shivering, and she found herself looking for her discarded knickers on the floor.

Emerging soon from the bedroom dressed in her tracksuit bottoms and top, carrying the duvet with her, Patsy walked into the kitchen to find Delia ushering smoke out of the small window over the sink with a flannel. The site was made all the more amusing as the smaller woman was stark naked, and Patsy noted with a delightful blush that even her bum had dimples.

‘Deels, come here, darling,’ Patsy said with a smile as she held out the duvet.

With a defeated sigh and slumped shoulders, Delia walked her to Patsy and let the taller woman wrap the duvet around her body, the brunette resting her forehead against Patsy’s chest as she pouted.

‘Pats, I’m sorry. I’ve ruined our dinner.’

‘Deels,’ Patsy started wrapping her arms around Delia, hugging her tight, ‘it’ll be alright.

‘All that chicken,’ Delia moped.

‘Delia.’

‘I really wanted you to try my curry.’

‘Darling,’ Patsy said, hooking her finger under Delia’s chin so she could look her in the eye, ‘it’s quite alright. I would say a burnt dinner was a worthy sacrifice for... ,’ Patsy blushed, ‘for the evening we just had.’

‘Night’s still young,’ Delia looked up at her with a glint in her eye that disappeared as soon as her grumbling tummy cut through the ambiance.

Patsy placed a sweet kiss on her forehead, thinking this woman was the absolute cutest, ‘Not to worry. I’ve got dinner covered.’

Patsy walked over to the refrigerator and opened the freezer, looking back at Delia with a victorious smirk as she pulled out a frozen pizza.

‘My specialty,’ she winked, and Delia rolled her eyes with a smile.

The smaller woman left the kitchen to go and freshen up as Patsy popped the pizza in the oven and put water on for tea. She spent the next several minutes scraping their burnt dinner into the bin, and scrubbing all the dirty pots and pans clean. Delia eventually emerged from the bedroom, looking comfortable and refreshed in her pyjamas, and poured the two of them a cup of tea before dragging Patsy into the lounge so she could be wrapped up in her arms while they had a proper cuddle on the sofa.

The rest of their evening was spent holding one another, drinking their tea, feeding each other their dinner, and more importantly talking about what they just experienced. Their evening was full of conversation, sometimes blushing, sometimes giggling, sometimes gasping in surprise.

‘I really liked it when…’

‘How did you feel about…’

‘I would sometime like to try…’

‘What do you think about…’

‘Sometime maybe we could…’

And so forth, the two touching each other tenderly as they shared with one another all their wants and desires. They chatted well into the night, finding out a great deal about one another. Most importantly that they both came to the understanding that Patsy liked these little games. She felt relaxed when Delia took charge, made Patsy say what she wanted, to be there to guide her along. It helped her stay with Delia in the moment. It helped her control her urges. Delia admitted she liked taking charge, keeping Patsy focused, especially once she knew what Patsy liked.

As the evening grew very late and the two had exhausted all topics of conversation, Delia sleepily nuzzling against Patsy’s chest while the taller woman held her and ran her fingers through her hair.

‘I can’t imagine a more perfect evening,’ Patsy said as she closed her eyes and gently smelled Delia's hair.

Delia sighed, ‘Me neither,’ she mumbled, snuggling in against Patsy.

There was a moment of silence before Delia spoke up again.

‘I honestly can’t wait to see the expressions on the girls faces when they find out I jammed my foot in Nurse Mounts mouth.’

She gave a yelp when she felt Patsy pinch her ear, the redhead glaring at her warningly but unable to contain her own smile as she watched the cheeky one spread across Delia’s features. Lucky for her, Patsy found it terribly endearing.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to habitsandbicycles for proofing this chapter. 
> 
> I know some have been coming to me with concerns with the direction this whole relationship is heading with this dynamic and Patsy's past trauma. I've tried to make this chapter as full of love and consent and fun and sexy as possible. Still lots of things to tie up (no, not a euphemism). This story is no where near done so I hope you stick with me to the end to see how it turns out. As always, thanks for reading! Hope your weekend is full of sex and pizza too! 
> 
> Here's some [NSFW](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-7-2-760846070?ga_submit_new=10%3A1535077331) [Doodles.](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-7-4-760846328?ga_submit_new=10%3A1535077436)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy checks in with Phyllis and Delia makes a gaffe that has Patsy finally finding the words to explain what's going on inside her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings, feelings. All the feelings.

Patsy meandered about the small house as she sipped her tea that Monday morning, her internal clock waking her much earlier than she actually needed to be since it looked like they were to remain snowed in yet another day. She looked around, tidying things as she went out of habit. She wondered if she should attempt to make a bit of breakfast but she didn’t find herself hungry at the moment and she didn’t want to risk waking Delia before she was ready to rise. She thought the woman could use a lie in after their rather… active evening.

Patsy stopped to stand and gaze out the window by the front door, her eyes blinking rapidly as she blushed, recalling the night before. She sipped her tea as her thoughts drifted back to the experience. Not only the sex, which she would argue was the most passionate she had ever had, but the way it made her feel. She was nervous, for sure, who doesn’t feel nervous their first time with a new partner? But not once did she feel anxious once Delia took over. She didn’t feel like panicking when she stripped and showed her scars. She liked that Delia didn’t take off her clothes for her, she merely asked and let Patsy choose. Patsy loved that Delia kept her mind from wandering, kept her engaged by asking her questions, making her ask for what she wanted. Patsy had never felt so confident, so empowered by letting someone else tell her what to do. Outside the bedroom she always seemed to default to being the leader, always the one to shoulder more responsibility because… why. Trust. Patsy lived most her life unable to rely on anyone, really, only herself. Except now, she trusted Delia. She could rely on Delia. The thought made Patsy feel calm. Affectionate. She took a deep breath and resisted the urge to crawl back into bed and give Delia a hug, cuddle with her. She bit her lip, bringing her mug to her mouth, deciding to let the woman sleep.

Patsy sipped her tea, her mind thinking back on more specific details of the night prior. She blushed again with a small smile, shaking her head in disbelief. Was Delia really only 21? Patsy made a mental note to ask just where she got all this sexual confidence from. She wondered if Delia had a lot of girlfriends before.

Patsy shook her head, willing herself it to not think of Delia being with other people and to stick to the wonderful memories of the night before as she sipped her tea. She couldn’t help that little twinge of self loathing creeping in, still keeping her suspended in a state of disbelief that Delia was even remotely attracted to her, given all her faults, her issues, her terrible behavior before. Patsy didn’t think she was even all that attractive, but sometimes the way she caught Delia looking at her made her feel beautiful.

Patsy caught her reflection in the window and gave a defeated sigh. She still didn’t see it.

‘I’m just not my type, I suppose,’ she mumbled to herself with a shrug as she looked back out the window.

Patsy stopped herself midway through bringing her mug to her lips for another sip of tea before a low rumbling in the distance caught her ear. She squinted her eyes and was able to make out the headlamps of two large trucks making their way through the snow, one pushing the snow to the side of the road and the other following it, spreading salt in its wake.

‘Plows,’ Patsy said to herself, her heart thumping in excitement and relief. Her mind was racing suddenly. They were finally clearing the road. She could get to the car today. Fill it with petrol. They could finally get out of here.

Patsy blinked.

Finally get out of here.

Her heart sank for a moment, the realization that their impromptu stay here would be ending soon and she would have to get on with her real life. The thought made her sad for a moment, as leaving this idyllic little cottage with this idyllic person was the last thing Patsy wanted to do. Everything seemed so perfect here, so quiet and warm.

Patsy shook her head, thinking she was being ridiculous. They couldn’t stay here. This wasn’t their house. This wasn’t even their bloody country. They were essentially squatters stealing food and resources from some poor soul who forgot to turn off the power when they left for the season. She gave a resounding sigh. Soon they would head back to London. Get back to work. Work.

Patsy sighed, downing her tea as she turned back towards the kitchen and begrudgingly located the telephone cord, hooking it back up to the phone on the wall. She checked the clock on the stove and saw that it was 7:45. Phyllis was sure to be sitting in her office sipping tea and reading the newspaper like she did every morning. Patsy dialed her number and brought the phone to her ear.

‘Crane here,’ Phyllis picked up after only a half ring.

‘It’s Mount,’ Patsy said.

‘Mount!’ Phyllis said, and Patsy heard the rustling of newspaper and the creaking of that old chair Phyllis refused to throw away, ‘Good god, woman, where the hell are you?’

‘Oh, so I assume you got my message,’ Patsy said nonchalant, swirling the tea in her mug.

‘Of course I did, but you didn’t leave a callback number. Are you alright? How is Nurse Busby’s ankle?’

‘What?’ Patsy had nearly forgotten, ‘Oh, yes, she’s made a full recovery. And I actually don’t quite know where we are. Seemed to have stumbled upon someone’s holiday cottage and have been squatting here waiting for the roads to clear up.’

‘You’re still snowed in?’ Phyllis asked.

‘Yes, but I was calling to tell you we might be able to make it out first thing tomorrow morning. I was wondering if you would be alright without the two of us until Wednesday?’ Patsy asked hopeful. If she could get the car to start she could very well get her and Delia on the road that day, but to be completely honest she just wanted one more day. One more day with Delia all to herself.

‘We’ve managed this long without you two, I think we can wait a few more days. We just want you to get back safely,’ Phyllis said kindly.

‘Oh, well, thank you Phyllis,’ Patsy said with a hint of surprise in her tone. She was honestly touched.

‘Of course. And by no means has it been easy without you. As much friction there may be between the two of us sometimes, the girls and I certainly have come to appreciate what a valuable asset you are to our team. We’ll certainly be happy to have you back here working alongside us.’

Patsy was absolutely taken back, the kindness in Phyllis’ words overwhelming her. They appreciated her? They valued her? The words cracked something in Patsy's psyche. She was wanted. There was suddenly a surge of compassion that swelled within Patsy. She thought of the other nurses at work. She had basically treated them the same way she had treated Delia when she first arrived. She pushed them away with her attitude, her yelling, her bad temper. Kept them from getting too close, save for Trixie, but even then she had barely scratched the surface when it came to really knowing her as more than just the other senior nurse. Patsy realized she didn’t know any of the other nurses at all, save for their names. She had almost brushed Delia off along with them, and look at their relationship now. If it hadn’t been for this bloody trip would she have ever given Delia a chance? Gotten to know her? This kind and wonderful woman that made Patsy laugh, made her happy? Made her feel loved. Patsy wondered what kinds of people the other nurses were. Their personalities. Their talents. She wondered if maybe, if she took Delia’s kindness as an example to reach out to the others, she could work to rekindle her reputation. Make it so that the others weren’t afraid to come to her for help and… maybe even become friends.

To do all that though, she needed to make a change. She had to be better.

Patsy made a snap decision right then and there. She cleared her throat, collecting herself before she addressed Phyllis again.

‘Listen, Phyllis,’ she started, ‘I would appreciate it if you could set aside some time for me when I return Wednesday. I can come in early if needed, but I need to speak with you soon.’

‘Of course,’ Phyllis paused, ‘is everything alright?’

‘Yes… I'm just… there are just some things I need to discuss with you. Nothing bad, I think.’

Phyllis sighed, ‘You come to me when you’re ready to talk, alright?’

‘Alright,’ Patsy said softly, and there was a comforting silence between the two for just a moment.

Phyllis cleared her throat before continuing, ‘Patsy, how is Nurse Busby? I’m hoping this experience hasn’t put her off too much,’ she sighed, ‘I know you and her didn’t quite get along, I hate to think you two stuck together in the middle of nowhere would deter her from continuing on with us at the clinic.’

Patsy bit her tongue to hold in a gasp as she suddenly felt a pair of warm hands on her hips find their way underneath her jumper. Only when those hands palmed over her torso, stopping to cup her naked breasts, did Patsy turn her head to give her best warning glare, but it did absolutely nothing to squelch Delia’s sleepy, yet cheeky grin as she continued to hug Patsy from behind.

‘Delia’s fine,’ Patsy said, fighting off the urge to sigh, ‘I don’t think she’s too terribly put off by this experience,’ Patsy bit her lip when Delia lightly pinched her nipple. She almost doubled over to try and get her breasts out of reach but the woman behind her seemed to have extendable arms, ‘in fact she seems a lot more enthusiastic about seeing out her residency at Nonnatus with us.’

‘Well that’s good to hear you two are getting along,’ Phyllis paused a moment to address someone who just walked into her office, ‘Oh, Julienne needs my attention, Nurse Mount, so I’ll need to be off, but do give me a call to check in before you leave?’

‘Will do,’ Patsy bit back a groan in her throat as she felt Delia’s hands wonder underneath the waistband of her tracksuit bottoms, ‘take care, Phyllis.’

Patsy slammed the phone down on the receiver without waiting for a reply, and twirled around to look at Delia.

‘You cheeky little-!’ she couldn’t even finish the sentence before Delia had taken off in a run, screaming.

In an instant, Patsy was chasing after her, excited laughter escaping her as the two noisily padded around the house, maneuvering around furniture, jumping over coffee tables and this and that scattered along the floor. Patsy batted away a throw pillow that was tossed at her, finally cornering Delia in the bedroom, the brunette all smiles and giggles as she tumbled over the bed to the other side of the room from Patsy, landing on the floor with a thump. She stood and raked her fingers through her messy hair to get it out of her face.

‘I’ve got you now, Busby,’ Patsy said as she crouched, ready to pounce if Delia made a run for it. She had to admit, the woman was as fast as a rabbit, her chase leaving Patsy rather out of breath.

‘Hardly, I can easily slip through,’ Delia replied, narrowing her eyes playfully.

‘I’d like to see you try,’ Patsy challenged.

Delia moved as if she were going to take off running, but stopped when she saw Patsy matching her motions. The two had a gleeful staredown across the bed from one another, neither daring to move an inch.

‘I can’t believe you had the nerve to tease me while I was speaking with our boss,’ Patsy finally said.

‘Patsy, you’re my boss,’ Delia retorted.

‘Yeah, don’t remind me.’

Delia laughed and decided to make a run for it. She rounded the bed, but wasn’t quick enough for Patsy's reflexes. The redhead took great pleasure in snatching Delia, scooping her up bridal style, the smaller woman screaming and kicking her feet the entire time. Patsy threw her on the bed, Delia bouncing slightly before Patsy descended on her, trying frantically to pin the smaller woman down, but was finding it rather difficult given how wiggly the woman was.

‘I have you now!’ Patsy cried triumphantly with a grin.

‘No fair! I can’t scoop you up like that!’ Delia whined.

‘We all play to our strengths, Busby.’

Delia wiggled and Patsy clamped down harder.

‘Jesus Pats,’ Delia sighed exasperated, ‘all that shoveling must have done you good.’

‘Compliments will get you nowhere. You’ve gotten me all hot and bothered while talking on the phone with Phyllis. How dare you.’

‘That was the idea,’ Delia wiggled her eyebrows and Patsy looked down at her warningly.

‘We mustn’t get into the habit of mixing business with pleasure now,’ Patsy replied, her tone playful, but stern.

Delia rolled her eyes, ‘Oh alright, alright,’ she conceded, as Patsy let up her grip, ‘so what shall you have me do then? I suppose you’ll want to teach me a lesson?’ Delia bit her lip, looking up at Patsy hopefully.

Patsys heart fluttered in her chest, and not because of the physical exertion. She felt absolutely playful. Like a kid again. Delia had given her an opportunity just then to do something she hadn’t done in a long time.

‘Well,’ Patsy started, ‘since this is your first infraction, I suppose I’ll let you off with a warning, and…’ she trailed off, her index finger slowly lifting Delia’s jumper and grazing teasingly along her exposed tummy. She could feel Delia’s muscles tense under her touch in anticipation, and Patsy smiled, ‘five seconds of intense tickling!

Delia eyes widened, but before she could react, Patsy's hands and mouth were on her, the redheads fingers tickling her sides while her mouth blew a loud raspberry on her tummy. Delia squealed delightfully and kicked her legs as she wiggled frantically, moving in every which way she could to try and release herself from Patsy's grasp, but it was unfortunately to no avail. It wasn’t until Patsy sat up and released Delia completely did she finally have the strength to sit up and overtake a smiling Patsy.

‘Pure, absolute torture, Mount!’ Delia cried as she moved to pounce on Patsy, the redhead allowing her to wrap her arms around her. The two wrestled on the bed, a mess of arms and legs and shouts and giggles.

Finding herself carried away in the moment and not paying attention to what her hands were doing or grabbing onto, Patsy playfully smacked Delia on the thigh with her hand, the smaller woman gasping and swatting Patsy on the bum in retaliation. Patsy laughed, but felt Delia go limp in her arms.

Confused, Patsy disentangled herself from Delia and looked her at her.

‘Sorry,’ Delia said looking worried, ‘I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.’

Now Patsy was really confused, ‘Done what? Smack my bum?’

‘Yeah…’ Delia tailed off, unsure of what to say.

‘Why? I smacked your thigh,’ Patsy said, scratching her head, ‘was that… did you not like it?’

‘No, I did,’ Delia replied, ‘I don’t have a problem with it, and I know it was playful and all that. It's just that… with you… you know…’

Patsy blinked, her heart sinking in her chest slightly as she had an inkling as to where this conversation was headed.

‘What?’ she asked with a shrug.

Delia scratched the back of her head nervously as she finally spit out what was bothering her, ‘Well it’s just, you told me about how you got your scars, and I said I wouldn’t hit you again.’

‘And I remember telling you it didn’t bother me,’ Patsy interjected, suddenly feeling defensive.

‘I know but its just weird that it doesn’t bother you, since you were… you know… as a kid.’

‘It’s _weird_?’ Patsy repeated, unable to look Delia in the eye suddenly.

 _Is_ it weird? Was _Patsy_ weird? Being swatted playfully on the bum by Delia had so far been a pleasurable experience whenever she had done it.

Was Patsy _wrong_? Was she wrong for liking it?

Patsy’s anxiety flared up in an instant. What if she was wrong? What if being spanked was a fucked up thing for her to like given her past. She felt so ashamed all of a sudden, so small. Why did she have to be like this?

Patsy began to feel herself want to withdraw, and her body language reflected this as she looked away with her shoulders slouched.

Delia suddenly looked panicked, rising to her knees as she held out her hands, ‘No! Shit, Patsy, it’s not weird! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’

Patsy didn’t have words. She shook her head to convey that she did not want to discuss this any further. She got up off the bed and walked to the door.

‘Pats, wait, please…’ Delia pleaded and Patsy stopped. She looked down at her feet, her heart aching in her chest, feeling as if something had pierced it.

‘The roads were plowed this morning,’ Patsy said with as little emotion as possible, ‘I’m going to go and see about the car. See if I can get it started and drive it back here.’

‘The roads?’ Delia asked, a little perplexed at the sudden change in topic.

Patsy simply left the room without another word, moving to the lounge to slip on her boots and coat. As she was zipping herself up, Delia emerged from the bedroom and walked over to her.

‘Pats, don’t go,’ she pleaded, sounding rather helpless as she watched Patsy reach for the car keys, ‘please, can we talk about this?’

Patsy clenched her teeth, still feeling overwhelmingly hurt at Delia’s words, even though they may not have been intentional. She knew her fuse was short but there was absolutely no way she was going to let her temper get her to a point where she lashed out at Delia again like she had the other night. This time she wouldn’t let Delia corner her. This time she would take the time to think. To get her feelings sorted and think of how she could even find the language to respond to Delia.

Patsy finally looked at Delia, tears threatening to spill from the smaller woman’s blue eyes as she looked at her pleadingly.

‘Deels,’ Patsy started calmly, sighing deeply through her nose, ‘I just… I’m terrible at talking about my feelings and I… I need some time to think about what I want to say, is all. I’m… I’m hurt, and angry right now, but I don’t want to lose my temper so,’ she shrugged, sighing again, ‘I just need some time to cool off and think about what I want to say. Alright?’

Delia merely sniffed, bringing her hand to her face to harshly wipe away a tear that dropped down her cheek.

Patsys heart ached at the sight. She could see Delia was sorry. Knew she regretted what she said, but there was no way they could talk about it in this moment without Patsy possibly losing her temper. She needed the space to calm down.

‘I promise I’ll come back,’ she said softly, ‘and then we can talk about this, alright?’

Delia took a deep breath and sniffed again.

‘Alright,’ she croaked out.

Patsy had to look away, needing to force herself to open the door. Once she did, she stepped out into the cold and closed it behind her, taking a sigh of relief, even though relief was farthest to how she was actually feeling.

With a heavy heart, Patsy's boots crunched through the hard snow as she walked to the shed. She retrieved the can of petrol and a shovel, hitching it over her shoulder as she began to make her way down the long driveway and towards where she left the car three days prior.

* * *

Patsy walked slowly, taking her time as she mulled over what she was feeling, thankful there was no one around to hear her talk to herself out loud.

Weird. She didn’t think my infatuation with her feet was weird but she has a problem with bloody spanking me. Why. I told her no one had touched me like that since I was a kid. I told her it didn’t bother me when she did it. She knows pain is a stress relief for me. Why doesn’t she believe me? Does she not think I’m capable of making decisions for myself? About my own body? That I don’t know what I like and don’t like? That I don’t know my own boundaries?

Patsy was grinding her teeth the further into her head she got. She was angry and wished she could smoke the last of her cigarettes but reasoned that wasn’t a good idea with the can of petrol in her hand. She continued on down the road breathing heavily, her brows furrowed in thought as white puffs of her own breath swirled around her head from the cold.

Weird. Fuck that word. Fuck Delia for saying it. For thinking she was weird. Fuck her for making her feel ashamed over something she had no control over. Like everyone else in her fucking life that made her feel bad about things she had no choice in. About just being a kid. Being a girl. Being gay. Fuck her for piling on one more fucking thing to the fucking list of fucking things Patsy had no control over.

‘Fuck,’ Patsy said out loud, seething, ‘fuck, fuck, fuck,’ she said, each consecutive work growing louder, ‘fuck, fuck, FUCK!’

Patsy dropped the can of petrol, and in one swift motion, brought the snow shovel down off her shoulders and beat it against the road over and over again.

‘FUCK FUCK FUCK!’ Patsy was screaming, her face red and eyes full of tears as she continued beating the shovel against the road, again and again and again, the loud clang of metal against asphalt ringing noisily through the trees.

‘Fuck,’ Patsy finally cried, almost in a whimper. She kneeled in the road using the shovel to keep her balance, her outburst depleting her of her energy, her adrenaline draining. Patsy took several deep breaths as she felt hot, heavy tears roll down her cheeks and drip off her chin. She brought a hand to her face and harshly wiped them away, the motion causing an image to flash in her head. A memory of Delia doing the same thing earlier. Her crying because she had made Patsy feel bad.

Patsy continued to breath, her head bowed as if she was praying.

Delia feels bad for what she said. She _is_ sorry. She cares about you.

Does she? Patsy's self loathing crept in, as usual. Does she really? What if she regrets this. What if she’s thinking she’s made a mistake.

You saw her face. She was crying. She feels terrible.

Still. I made her feel uncomfortable just by being myself.

You want her to believe you when you tell her you want something. When you tell her you feel a certain way. You need to believe her, too. You need to believe her when she says she’s sorry. You could see it in her face. You could hear it in her voice. She’s sorry, and she wants to make things right.

Patsy blinked away the last of the heavy tears and looked up to see her mittened hands clasping at the wooden handle of the shovel. The mittens that Delia made for her because she didn’t have any. Because her hands were cold.

She cares about you.

Patsy sighed as she stared at those mittens, remembering sitting with Delia as she knitted them. She was curled up on the sofa under the blanket, happily humming along to the records Patsy was playing that evening. Patsy felt her heart swell with affection for Delia.

She cares about you.

Patsy slowly rose to her feet.

‘Alright,’ she said to herself, breathing deeply as huge waves of relief and calm washed over her body. ‘Alright,’ She said again, reasoning with herself that she had expended her frustration and anger out on the poor shovel and she would absolutely in no way raise her voice to Delia or lash out at her.

She was ready to talk.

Patsy hitched the shovel over her shoulder again and picked up the can of petrol. She looked in the direction of where she was to walk, and spotted an enormous pile of snow with one red tail light poking through. It was their car. Sighing, she readied herself to dig the car out of the mound and pray that it would start once she filled the tank.

* * *

With a bit of patience, Patsy was able to get the engine to turn over after it had been sitting in the cold and snow for several days. She let it sit idle or several minutes to warm everything before she turned it around and drove it back to the cabin.

When Patsy exited the car, she was surprised to see Delia on the front porch, fully dressed in her hat and coat and waiting for her. Patsy closed the door to the car and began walking towards Delia, and Delia stepped off the porch to meet her halfway.

‘I’m sorry,’ Delia said.

‘I know,’ Patsy replied calmly.

Delia took a deep breath and looked away, shuffling on her feet nervously as Patsy remained silent.

‘You have to,’ Delia started, looking back to Patsy, ‘will you please tell me what you’re thinking? How you’re feeling?’ Delia’s hands fidgeted in her coat pockets, ‘It’s driving me crazy not knowing what’s going on in your head.’

‘Deels,’ Patsy started softly, getting Delia’s attention.

Delia halted her nervous motions. She remained still and listened.

‘Look,’ Patsy sighed, her hands finding their way into her own coat pockets, ‘I know what I’ve been through is fucked up and it makes total sense that you would think I would have a problem with being hit or being spanked, but I don’t. Not by you.’

Delia nodded silently, waiting for Patsy to continue.

‘I… my ability to make decisions about my own body…. my agency... was taken away from me as a child. I felt… powerless and… and,’ Patsy grit her teeth, her eyebrows furrowing as she struggled to find the words she wanted to say, ‘and now, I don’t. I have agency over my own body now, as an adult… I’ve taken it back. I’ve reclaimed it.’

Patsy blinked, wondering just where this proclamation was coming from, but she felt herself stand taller as the words left her mouth. It just felt right to say.

‘But the biting, Pats,’ Delia interjected worriedly, ‘I mean, how can you say you’ve reclaimed yourself when you-,’

Patsy cut her off, ‘That’s a perfect example, isn’t it!’ she exclaimed, holding other hands, ‘I find pain cathartic and I’ve used my body in a way that I know isn’t healthy, alright? I _know_ this, and… and have given _you_ ownership of something I did to harm myself because I think… no, I _know_ you would only use as a source of pleasure, and not as something that merely relieves me of my depression or anxiety or… whatever,’ Patsy finished, waving her hand.

Patsy took several deep breaths to calm herself before she went on.

‘Deels,’ she continued, looking down, feeling rather shy all of a sudden, ‘I don’t know. Last night you just… I felt safe. For the first time in a long time I felt safe with someone else. I felt like I could be vulnerable with you and tell you what I wanted. You were taking the lead, but I felt like I was the one in control, and it was…,’ Patsy clenched her fidsts, finding the right word, ‘it was empowering, and that gave me the confidence I needed to be open with you and ask for what I wanted. But when you react the way you did earlier, it just... my confidence just shattered. Like, all I wanted was to disappear and it makes me not want to tell you anything because… because I’m afraid you’ll think less of me or… think there’s something wrong with me…’

‘I know,’ Delia interjected, the look on her face pleading, ‘I know, and I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said it was weird. I don’t think it’s weird at all, honestly… I was just… I was worried I would hurt you or… cross a boundary or something and that’s never my intention and… I know it’s hard for you to, um,’ Delia brought her hand to her mouth nervously, ‘to be close to people. To let them in, and… and I’m going to try to never come from a place of judgement when you tell me things,’ Delia finished, picking at her fingers nervously while she gazed up at Patsy hopefully.

Patsy could see the remorse in her expression and in her body language. She knew she was being sincere.

‘Me too,’ Patsy replied after a short silence, ‘but I need you to trust me and believe me when I say I know what my boundaries are.’

Delia nodded again, ‘I will.’

The two shared a tentative look, Delia still looked so nervous. Patsy watched as Delia’s lip quivered and she looked down, seemingly to try and keep her tears at bay.

Patsy was through explaining herself. She couldn’t bare the physical separation any longer. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Delia, the smaller woman intuitively tucking her head into the crook of Patsy's shoulder as she hugged Patsy back.

‘Why are you crying, darling?’ Patsy asked softly.

Delia sniffed, ‘I was so scared,’ she said, nuzzling her face softly into Patsy's shoulder to wipe her tears on her coat, ‘I thought I really fucked up with you. Thought I had ruined everything.’

‘You didn’t,’ Patsy said soothingly.

‘You just left,’ Delia continued with a hiccup, ‘and I didn’t know if you were regretting this. I didn’t know if you were going to come back and tell me we shouldn’t do this, and… and…’ Delia trailed off and Patsy could feel the smaller woman clutch onto her coat with her hands and pull her even closer.

Patsy responded in kind by holding her tight in her embrace, closing her eyes as she let the woman in her arms cry on her shoulder.

‘I don’t want things to go back to normal, cariad,’ Delia continued, ‘they can’t. I can’t… I just… I like you too much. I don’t want to go back to how it was.’

Patsy couldn’t help but smile, relief washing over her. Delia had managed to squelch any feelings of doubt Patsy had about how she felt. Patsy tenderly kissed Delia on her temple before pulling away slightly to look at her.

‘Deels, sweetheart,’ she started, pausing only to kiss a teardrop away from her cheek, ‘I know exactly how you’re feeling, darling.’

‘You do?’ Delia croaked out.

‘Yes. I’m scared too. With everything going on with me I thought you would think I was too much to deal with.’

‘I wouldn’t have…,’ Delia sighed, ‘you know I wouldn’t have pushed for this like I did if I didn’t really want this, Pats.’

‘I know,’ Patsy said, hooking her finger under Delia’s chin. She wanted to make sure she was looking her in the eye when she said this, ‘and I want this, too. Just like you. And, you know it’s not easy for me to open up to someone,’ Patsy smiled kindly, ‘You think I’m going to give up on you that quick? After everything we’ve been through these past few days?’

Delia’s lip quivered, and she shook her head.

‘I think you’re very much worth the effort, Delia, and I like you too much to just give up so easily,’ Patsy said as Delia pulled her close once more and tucked her head into the crook of Patsy's shoulder again.

‘I like you too,’ Delia said, her voice muffled from her mouth being pressed against Patsy's coat.

Patsy took a deep breath and sighed.

‘You know what I like about you most of all?’ she asked.

‘What’s that?’

‘Your hair smells like bacon.’

Delia hushed her, unable to control the smile that spread across her face as she playfully swatted at Patsy.

‘I made breakfast while you were away,’ Delia said, her hands coming to her face to wipe away her stray tears.

‘Mmhmm,’ Patsy said as she moved to cup Delia’s face in her hands and kiss her tears, ‘and from the way your hair smells I know it will be delicious,’ she playfully took a lock of Delia’s hair with her lips and gently pulled, humming appreciatively.

Delia laughed and playfully batted her away, ‘Hey now, if you’re hungry there’s food in the house.’

‘But what if I want to nibble on something else,’ Patsy replied, pulling Delia close to her and gently grazing her teeth on a spot on Delia’s neck under her ear that had the smaller woman screaming delightfully.

‘Pats!’ Delia cried out with a laugh.

Delia gently pushed Patsy's away, and the two shared a laugh as Delia caught her breath. Once they calmed down, Delia grasped Patsy's hands with hers and held them in between their bodies.

‘So… are we ok?’ Delia asked, looking up at Patsy shyly.

Patsy nodded.

‘We’re still figuring this out, alright?’ Patsy started, taking a deep breath, ‘Everyone goes through this part, don’t they? We’re going to make mistakes and we’re going to fight, and that’s alright. We had a fight this morning and look at us,’ she took a step back and held out their hands, as if to prove a point, ‘we came back together. We worked it out.’

Delia gave a tentative smile and nodded in agreement, ‘I suppose that’s a good sign, hmm?’

‘I think so,’ Patsy said.

Delia’s smile grew enough to show off those dimples that had Patsy swooning as the smaller woman turned on her heel and gently guided Patsy back inside the cabin where they shared a hot breakfast with tea.

* * *

The two women sat at the kitchen table, sipping on fresh hot mugs of tea as they chatted and nibbled on bacon and toast. Patsy was feeling relieved and relaxed that they had been able to work out their issue without her throwing a tantrum like she had done the other day.

Well, a tantrum in front of Delia anyway, Patsy thought back on that poor shovel with a sigh. She made a mental note to herself to add that to the list of things she needed to address when they returned to London. Figuring out how to reign in her temper so she didn’t have an outburst like that again.

‘Pats,’ Delia said, pulling Patsy from her thoughts, ‘I think… I think I can do it.’

‘You can do it?’ Patsy asked, raising an inquiring eyebrow.

‘Spank you, I mean,’ she licked her lips, her brows furrowing in thought, ‘like… I still feel bad for reacting the way I did this morning and… well, I mean, the more I think about it, the more I think actually doing it and seeing you get pleasure from it would help me get over…’ Delia waived her hands around as if she were searching for the right words, ‘I don’t know, whatever preconceived anxieties I have over it.’

Patsy smirked, ‘Really? You’d be willing to try this for me?’

‘Of course I would, and I guess… I don’t mind leaving your bum a little red at the end of the day, but I also don't want to hurt you, you know? I mean, you may know what your boundaries are, but I don’t.’

‘Shall I bend over now for you to test your strength or would you like me to clear the table first?’ Patsy chuckled.

Delia grinned smartly, crossing her arms, ‘Oh no. Only naughty girls get spankings and you haven’t earned it yet.’

‘Fair point,’ Patsy quipped as she sipped her tea, feeling her ears turn red, ‘so something naughty, hmm?’ she asked, her mind starting to churn with ideas.

‘That’s right,’ Delia nodded, ‘but besides spanking, I want to know what you think you would be alright with, because if we start to play I want to at least stick to the boundaries you’ve set.’

Patsy looked away, blushing at Delia’s use of the word ‘play’. They _were_ playing, weren’t they. This was a game and they were setting the rules so everyone involved had fun.

‘So you’re letting me make the rules then?’ Patsy asked.

‘Pats, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing this whole time,’ Delia replied as she blew on her tea.

Patsy blinked. Had she? Her thoughts turned to the night before. Delia certainly told her what to do, but it dawned on Patsy that by consistently asking for permission to do what she wanted, she was able to let Delia _know_ what she wanted, to let Delia guide her and not take the risk of doing anything she wouldn’t like or would upset her.

‘Huh. Suppose you’re right,’ Patsy said.

‘You would do well to assume-,’

‘That you’re always right,’ Patsy finished for her with a playful eye roll, ‘Yes, yes, you’ve made that clear.’

Delia chuckled.

‘Well… Delia I’ve honestly never done anything like this before,’ Patsy started uncertainty, ‘planning something out like this…’

‘Me neither,’ Delia said, smiling reassuringly, ‘which is why I need you to tell me what you want.’

‘But I don’t _know_ what I want,’ Patsy huffed, ‘what… what, um, kinds of things do _you_ want to do to me?’ She asked shyly.

Delia tilted her head from side to side, looking as if she was considering something.

‘How do you feel about hair pulling?’ Delia asked.

‘I’m alright with it,’ Patsy narrowed her eyes, ‘do you know how to pull hair properly?’

Delia uncrossed her arms and leaned forward, reaching up to grab a fistful of Patsy's hair from the base and pull the taller woman towards her. Patsy closed her eyes and let out a surprised gasp.

‘Like this?’ Delia asked with a hint of cheek in her tone.

Patsy let out a sigh, her eyes squeezing shut tight at the painful pleasure, ‘Alright, yup. Just like that,’ she breathed.

Delia released her grip with a smug smirk and Patsy sat back in her seat, running her fingers through her hair, her heart fluttering. The simple act of having her hair pulled at the kitchen table had her excited and she couldn’t stop the small smile that spread across her face. She was looking forward to what else Delia had in mind for her.

‘So, what else?’ Patsy asked.

‘Choking?’

‘Choking?!’ Patsy exclaimed, nearly spitting out her tea.

Alright so maybe not looking forward to everything.

‘What? Some people like it,’ Delia shrugged.

‘Seriously?!’ Patsy said, sounding aghast, ‘Delia, do you want to choke me!?’

‘Sometimes,’ Delia grinned, narrowing her eyes, and Patsy could tell she meant not in a sexual way, ‘and anyway, Pats, we’re in the judgement free zone here,’ Delia said extending her arms out, ‘I’m declaring this kitchen a judgement free zone. I’m merely suggesting things because I don’t know what you would be willing to try.’

Patsy shook her head, ‘Well that’s a hard no for me on that one,’ she said firmly.

Delia chuckled, ‘Very well then. How about being tied up?’

Patsy paused for a moment, really thinking about being bound while Delia did things to her. Something about not being able to move her arms or legs made her feel anxious. She wanted to have free motion of her limbs in case something didn’t feel right. She wanted to be able to see and hear Delia, too.

‘Um… I don’t want to say no, but I think I’d need some time to work up to that. The thought of not being able to move my hands, it just… makes me feel a bit uncomfortable,’ she said as she watched Delia nod in acknowledgment, ‘also blindfolded. I don’t think I’m ready for something like that yet.’

‘Alright. We’ll keep it to hair pulling and spanking for now then,’ Delia mused to herself, swirling her tea in her mug.

Patsy took a deep breath, ‘This is…,’ she sipped her tea and gave a shy smile, ‘this is the first time I’ve ever had a conversation like this,’ she looked at Delia curiously, ‘and you’re OK with this?’

‘Pats, I’m absolutely OK with it,’ Delia smiled, showing her dimples, and Patsy felt a little relieved, ‘I _want_ to do this for you, because well, I do feel bad about how I reacted this morning. If it had been anyone else I wouldn’t have had that reaction, you know? I don’t think any of this is weird, really. I’m… I don’t know, I’d be pretty much alright with doing anything just so long as we’re both OK with it. I want this to be a fun and sexy experience for the both of us, so it’s important we talk about it beforehand like this, you know?’

‘Right,’ Patsy nodded in agreement, failing miserably at hiding her smile behind her mug of tea. The anticipation of what they were planning was getting her excited, and she wondered what Delia was going to do, what she was going to say.

‘And you’ll tell me if I do anything you don’t like? If I do something that takes it too far?’ Delia asked.

‘You mean like have a safe word?’ Patsy say up straight in her seat, raising an eyebrow, ‘Is that what we’re doing?’

‘Well we’re certainly toeing that territory, yeah,’ Delia responded with a shrug.

Patsy blinked, ‘Huh. I suppose we are.’

‘So what do you suggest? Something that’s completely random and would take both of us out of the moment if things go too far?’

Patsy could think of only one thing that would completely turn her off.

‘Donald Trump.’

Delia faked retching and Patsy laughed.

‘Pats, I said take us out of the moment, not have me running to the toilet to throw up!’’

Patsy continued to laugh as Delia mumbled, ‘I’d need a safe word for that safe word, sheesh…’

Patsy sighed once Delia had calmed down, ‘How about we stick to something simple? Like… green, yellow, red?’

‘I like that idea much better,’ Delia said with a relieved sigh.

Patsy put down her mug of tea and bit her lip shyly as she looked over to Delia, the smaller woman smiling back at her mischievously, looking Patsy over with half lidded eyes. Patsy watched as Delia rose from her seat and took the two paces towards her and moved to straddle her, Patsy automatically wrapping her arms around Delia back and hips to hold her steady as she settled in her lap.

Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's shoulders and ran her fingers through her red hair, looking as if she were about to kiss her, but she stopped.

‘Pats, I need you to promise me something,’ Delia said.

‘What’s that?’

‘I don’t even want to begin unless I know you’re in a completely relaxed and anxiety free state of being. I don’t want to start something unless you’re all here with me, you know?’

Patsy nodded, pulling Delia close to her as she closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose and lips against Delia’s neck.

‘I promise,’ Patsy said softly, sighing as the feeling of Delia’s fingers through her hair made a pleasant shiver go down her neck.

She pulled away slightly so she could look at Delia.

‘I can come to you, when I’m ready.’

‘Alright,’ Delia said, a slight blush feathering her cheeks, ‘and what are you going to do to help you relax before we start?’

‘Well, we’re leaving in the morning, aren’t we?’ she said as she looked around, ‘I feel like it wouldn’t be right if we left without cleaning and running the sheets through the laundry and all that.’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ Delia said with a disappointed sigh, ‘though I hate to think we spend our last day here mostly cleaning.’

‘Sweetie,’ Patsy said with a smile, ‘I can absolutely take care of it myself. It’s not a big job at all, especially after what I accomplished on Saturday.’

‘Are you sure?’ Delia asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Positive,’ Patsy said as she hugged Delia tighter and pressed her lips against Delia’s in a searing kiss, leaving the smaller woman in her arms rather breathless, ‘besides, I know you’ll make I up to me later,’ she whispered playfully.

With a smile, Delia captured Patsy's lips with hers again and the two shared several more deep kisses, their mouths eventually moving to graze over jawlines and necks, nibbling on earlobes and teasingly biting exposed shoulders. Patsy gave Delia one more sweet kiss before she bit her lip mischievously.

‘Hold on,’ she said, and she felt Delia’s grip around her shoulders tighten as she grasped a firm hold under Delia’s bum, the woman in her arms giggling and hitching her ankles behind Patsy's back as she stood.

The two laughing playfully the whole time, Patsy carried Delia to the bedroom where she ungracefully dropped her on the bed, and they carried on with where they had left off earlier that morning, becoming a tangled mess of arms and legs and laughing the whole time while they stopped to kiss and say sweet nothings before they parted for the time being to carry on with their last day together there in the cabin.

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was supposed to be a lot longer and include some smut, but I'm being fussy and not posting the second part until I get it right. Needs more time until it meets my approval, I reckon. Given the buildup I think you readers will know what's to come next, which is also why I decided to split the chapter in case there are people out there who aren't into it and absolutely are not interested in reading it.
> 
> So yes, fair warning, next chapter has them playing out the scene they discussed here in one way or the other. I'll leave it up to you if you want to read it or not (I personally think it's pretty tame in regards to sex and kink, it's actually quite romantic, but I suppose I'll let you decide for yourself). 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, and if you like what you read, please do leave a comment, even if it it just something like, 'I like this,' or 'I look forward to reading this,' or, 'this is terrible I hope you rot in hell.' 
> 
> No matter what it's going to make my day :D


	9. Chapter 9 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last day in the cabin and Patsy and Delia don't waste a second if it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. 
> 
> I got a little carried away with the smut here. Like, I just started and couldn't stop. 
> 
> I'm actually thinking this chapter is _too_ smutty. Me. If you've read my prior stuff you must be thinking, 'Wow, this must mean so much smut,' and you would be correct. So, settle in kids, and enjoy the smut. 
> 
> So, in case you wanted some cliff notes, this chapter is like 90%-95% smut, and if you squint hard enough you might see some character development. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Patsy emerged from her shower feeling refreshed after a whole morning spent cleaning, only taking a break about mid-day for a spot of lunch with Delia while the smaller woman relaxed with a paperback on the sofa. As she wrapped herself in a towel and took the few paces needed to walk to the bedroom to dress, she wondered for a moment if she should bother dressing at all. They had planned to… well, play, as Delia put it. Something that was going to eventually lead to sex, wasn’t it? Patsy only assumed… but then, what fun was it if she were just dressed in only a towel? They hadn’t discussed attire, exactly, for this type of play, so Patsy decided to dress as she would any old lazy day. She threw on a pair of clean tracksuit bottoms and top, no bra, as she felt too much clothing would be restrictive. It’s not as if she was going to leave the house anyway. 

Patsy bit her lip shyly, the cleaning she had done and the shower had certainly made her calm, but she didn’t know if Delia was ready to play. She crept from the bedroom and poked her head around the corner to look at Delia, and she found the woman still comfortably rested on the sofa, seemingly engrossed in her book. 

Patsy raked her fingers through her hair and walked into the kitchen, not quite sure what to do with herself now. 

She didn’t feel like she could just _tell_ Delia that she was ready to play. 

Patsy paced back and forth in the kitchen, thinking. She had done what she had said. She did the cleaning. Finished her chores for the day while Delia did what she wanted, and it seemed it was reading whatever paperback that had captured her attention since the other day. Patsy was ready to _play_ now. She was feeling calm, relaxed… but she didn't want to just go right up to Delia and ask for it. She wanted to make it more subtle. Make it… sexy, maybe? 

Patsy scratched her head, wondering what she could do to get Delia’s attention because… well, right now, in this moment, she craved it. She wanted Delia’s attention. She was pacing in the kitchen with nothing to do with the promise of Delia doing fun things to her and she was growing more and more annoyed that Delia was finding that book more captivating that she was. Patsy knew she was better than some book, especially since they only had the rest of this day together before they had to get back to their normal lives. She merely needed to make Delia see spending time with her was better than some damn novel. But how… she didn’t want to be obvious. She need to get her attention somehow, make her come in here and fulfil what she promised…

_‘Only naughty girls get spankings and you haven’t earned it yet.’_

The words rang in Patsy’s mind. Alright. She could be naughty. She could be naughty…. Patsy looked about the kitchen to see what she could do to possibly engage Delia. Pull her away from her book that was so captivating. But then… shouldn't the thought of playing with her be captivating enough? Shouldn't she be the one to be pawing at her? Desiring her? 

Patsy huffed, annoyed. 

Delia should be giving her attention right now. Attention that she so clearly deserved, after all the cleaning she had done that day. 

Be naughty. 

Alright. She could be naughty. 

Patsy spotted a dirty glass just sitting there on the counter by the sink. 

She decided then and there that she didn’t particularly care for it. 

Like a bored house cat, Patsy walked over to the unfortunate glass and swatted at it, the thing falling to the floor and shattering into several pieces, making a loud noise as it collided with the floor. 

‘What was that?’ came Delia’s voice from the lounge. 

Patsy didn’t answer, though her petulance was rewarded when Delia appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, looking at the shattered glass scattered across the floor. She was particularly happy to see Delia, though, Patsy thought annoyed, Delia was still carrying that damn book. 

‘Pats, what happened?’ Delia asked worriedly, ‘Are you alright?’ 

‘I’m fine,’ Patsy said, tapping her fingers on the counter and looking out the small window above the kitchen sink. 

Delia looked to Patsy, observing her slightly before she looked at the glass on the floor. 

‘Did you do this?’ Delia asked, ‘Did you break the glass on purpose?’ 

Patsy shrugged, ‘Might of.’ 

‘Really…’ Delia narrowed her eyes and stepped over the broken glass, taking the few paces needed to stand in front of Patsy by the sink. She looked Patsy in the eye but Patsy's gaze remained out the window. 

‘Are you being naughty?’ Delia asked.

Patsy didn’t respond, though her heart was beating frantically in her chest because Delia had caught on. 

‘Because you know what happens to naughty girls, Pats,’ Delia continued softly. 

Patsy’s heart thumped excitedly in her chest and she bit her lip, fighting off the urge to smile. She finally looked at Delia, and there was a glint in her eye that told her she was ready to play. 

‘Yes, I do.’ 

Delia was silent for a moment, thinking. Patsy could see her eyes moving from the floor to her and back again, her expression looking as if ideas were flashing through her mind of what to do. The paperback book was still in her hands. Patsy glared at it. She wished she would put it down. She hated that thing for stealing so much attention away from her. 

‘That was such a silly thing to do, Pats,’ Delia started, slowly walking in front of Patsy, the redhead turning to match her movements and keep Delia in front of her, facing her. 

Patsy leaned back on the counter and listened intently as Delia continued.

‘Luring me in here just as I was getting to the good part, too.’ 

In one swift motion Delia took the book in her hand and firmly swatted it against Patsy's thigh with a loud ‘wap!’ 

Patsy gasped and stood up straight suddenly, the sting in her thigh hurt but it was soon sending waves of pleasure throughout her body as the spot on her thigh throbbed. She found the sensation rather pleasant, and felt as if her nerve endings were waking up. 

She decided she liked that book now. 

Delia was looking at her expectantly, seemingly hesitant to continue. 

‘Green,’ Patsy said, and she watched Delia tuck her bottom lip into her mouth, fighting off the urge to smile. 

Patsy felt relieved. Delia was liking this, too. 

‘That was for interrupting me in the middle of a good book,’ she said, and whacked Patsy again on her other thigh, ‘and that was for interrupting me while I was reading last night, too.’ 

Patsy sighed, her hands reaching behind her slightly to grasp onto the sink so she could continue holding herself up. 

‘Good girls ask if they want to play, Pats,’ Delia said as she whacked her again on her thigh. She continued using the book to smack Patsy's thighs, alternating between the two as she spoke, 

‘Good girls,’

Wap!

‘don’t act,’

Wap!

‘like spoiled brats,’

Wap!

‘and break things,’

Wap! 

‘that aren’t theirs.’ 

Patsy had her eyes closed, gritting her teeth and taking each hit as they came. Her thighs stung where Delia hit her. It was a pleasant burning sensation that was getting her excited. It was getting her worked up. Turning her on. 

‘I’m so-‘ she started, but was immediately cut off by Delia. 

‘I don’t want to hear you’re sorry, Pats,’ Delia cut her off and stopped her whacking, ‘What are you going to do to make it up to me, hmm?’ 

‘I’ll clean it up.’

‘Damn right you will.’ 

Delia tossed the book aside on the counter and looked down around her, tutting as if she was disappointed. 

‘There’s glass everywhere. It’s dangerous. Someone could really hurt themselves if they stepped on the… what, however many pieces of glass there are?’

Delia squared herself firmly in front of Patsy, her hands on her hips, looking up at Patsy like a stern headmistress who had just caught her skipping class. 

‘How many pieces of glass are there, Pats’ 

Patsy looked down. Was she asking for an exact number? Why was she asking anyway? 

‘I don’t… I don’t know,’ Patsy said with a slight shrug. 

Delia reached up and gripped at Patsys hair by the base, just as she had done at the kitchen table earlier that morning. The sensation had Patsy gasping, throwing her head back as she allowed Delia to guide her to the middle of the kitchen. A swell of desire surged through Patsy at the action. Fuck, she thought, the woman knew how to pull hair.

‘Take a closer look, sweet girl,’ Delia said as she forced Patsy to look at the floor, ‘how many pieces of glass do you see, hmm?’ 

Patsy blinked open her eyes and looked at the glass on the floor. There were shards scattered about, but Patsy thought best to stick to the bigge pieces she could actually see. 

‘Eight. I see eight.’ 

‘That’s how many I see, too,’ Delia said, and she guided Patsy to stand up straight again, her grip on her hair unrelenting as she walked Patsy back to the counter, ‘and that’s how many spankings you’re going to get for being such a naughty girl.’ 

Delia let go of Patsy's hair, and the taller woman sighed with relief. 

‘Hands on the counter,’ Delia demanded calmly. 

Patsy bit her lip, her breath hitching in anticipation as she leaned forward slightly, placing her palms flat on the counter. She swallowed a heavy lump in her throat as she waited. She gasped slightly as she felt Delia’s fingers make their way under the elastic waistband of her tracksuit bottoms and gently pull them down over her hips, exposing her bum. Patsy could feel the little bumps rise on her skin as the cold air hit her, but soon she felt herself relax slightly as Delia gently ran the palm of her hand over her naked bum. 

‘You’re going to count them as I give them, understand?’ Delia commanded. 

‘Yes darling.’ 

Patsy gasped as Delia’s hand finally smacked her bare skin, the Welsh Woman had been hiding some kind of strength that she was making aware to Patsy now. Patsy took a deep breath and exhaled, reveling in the feeling of relief and pleasure that washed over her, her skin stinging pleasantly under Delia’s palm. 

‘One,’ Patsy said, her heart thumping hard in her chest as she anticipated the next smack.

‘Louder,’ Delia commanded. 

‘Two!’ Patsy cried out, her eyes screwing shut as Delia’s hand collided with her bum again with a force that had her sighing in relief. 

She continued counting as Delia smacked her bum, each strike progressively harder than the last. Patsy’s skin tingled, each strike of Delia’s hand sending a wave of pleasure after the initial sting of the pain. Patsy kept counting out loud, hoping her voice wouldn’t give away just how much she was enjoying this. 

When she counted to eight, Patsy let out a deep breath, feeling relieved and cared for as she felt Delia soothingly rub her bum with her hand. She would be fine if they stopped now, but she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment that it had ended. 

‘Pats, you know, I don’t think you’ve quite learned your lesson,’ Delia said.

Patsys heart lept in her throat. What was happening next? Was she not done? Was she going to give her more? 

Out of the corner of her eye, Patsy saw Delia pick her book back up, and she had to contain an excited smile. 

‘I don’t think it’s gotten through to you yet that naughty girls get spanked when they break things that aren’t theirs.’ 

Delia emphasized her point by smacking Patsy's bum with the paperback, causing the taller woman to cry out.

‘When they make a mess in the kitchen on purpose,’ Delia continued and smacked her other side.

‘When they act like brats to get attention,’ she said with another hard smack to Patsy's bum. 

That was 11, now, and Patsy grit her teeth as Delia kept going. 12, 13, 14… how many more was she going to give her? Her skin was throbbing, feeling hot as the feeling of the book against her skin when it hit her stung. As much as Patsy wanted to continue, this flogging was really starting to hurt. 

‘Yellow,’ she breathed, and Delia immediately halted her actions. 

Patsy heard her place the book down before she carefully pulled Patsy's trousers back up over her bum. She gently grabbed Patsy by the arm and tenderly rubbed her back as she guided the taller woman to stand and face her. 

‘I’m not done with you yet, cariad,’ she said gently, tucking by a loose strand of hair behind Patsy's ear, ‘I want you to clean up this mess and then get me a cold glass of water. As cold as you can make it,’ she demanded, and Patsy nodded in understanding. 

Delia narrowed her eyes and licked her lips, looking as if she was going to kiss Patsy, but she pulled away. 

‘Don’t keep me waiting too long,’ she said softly, ‘I’m thirsty.’ 

Patsy bit her lip to keep from smiling as she watched Delia pick up her book and exit the kitchen. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she rushed to clean up the glass on the floor. She was amazed, astounded in the most unbelievably possible way that they had just done that! They really did it! And they weren’t even done! Patsy’s breathing hitched at the thrill of it all, at the mystery as to what was to come next. What was Delia going to do? Was she going to make her do something? Was she going to keep spanking her? She so badly wanted to know. 

Patsy blinked herself out of her thoughts and found she was still kneeling on the kitchen floor with a little brush in one hand and a dustpan full of glass in the other. 

Alright, focus, Mount. Stay with her in the moment, she told herself. Patsy rose to her feet and threw the glass in the rubbish bin, washing her hands before filling another glass from the cupboard with ice cubes before filling it with water. 

She examined the glass before she left the kitchen, thinking that this was the coldest this glass was going to get without her actually handing Delia a block of ice. 

Taking a deep breath, Patsy walked into the lounge to find Delia sitting casually on the sofa, her book placed at her side. When the brunette spotted her, she uncrossed her legs and sat up straight. 

‘Bring that water here,’ Delia commanded. Patsy noted there was a slight playfulness to her tone. 

‘Oh, yes, of course darling,’ Patsy said as she took the few paces she needed and handed Delia the glass. 

Delia took it from her and Patsy stepped back, looking at Delia expectantly as she waited for further instructions. 

Delia merely took a sip of her water, sighing as she brought the glass back down to her lap, ‘Ah, refreshing.’ 

Patsy bit her lip, wondering what Delia was leading up to. What did she want? Were they still playing? 

No, no. Delia said she wasn’t done with her, Patsy reminded herself. With a deep breath, Patsy willed herself to calm down and wait for Delia to continue. 

‘I do wish I had a special table to set this down on so I could admire it,’ Delia said as she held up her glass again, ‘That one over there is much too far away for me to reach.’ 

Delia playfully kicked her legs out, pointing her toes, and they barely reached the coffee table that was in the middle of the room. 

Did Delia want her to bring the table closer? 

Patsy moved to do just that, but halted when Delia addressed her.

‘Uh-uh,’ she said, and Patsy looked over to her, ‘I don’t like that table anyway,’ she said turning up her nose, ‘I want a new table.’ 

Patsy blinked, unsure where she was going with this but she was absolutely racked with curiosity. 

‘What sort of table would you like, darling?’ 

Delia smiled like the cat that caught the canary. 

‘I want a table that’s tall, and strong,’ she mused, swirling her water in her glass as if it were a fine wine, the ice cubes clinking together musically, ‘I want a table that is beautiful, a table that has shown a stunning amount of endurance, especially when carrying around poor, defenseless women with sprained ankles.’ 

Delia sipped her water and batted her eyelashes, looking up at Patsy demurely. 

Patsy had to hold back a smile, ‘Me?’ 

‘That’s right!’ Delia said as she patted her lap with her unoccupied hand, ‘I want my table to lay across my lap and keep me warm,’ she said with a cheeky smile. 

Patsy had to fight to hold back a smile. For reasons she couldn’t explain, it felt good to be needed by Delia, even if it was only to be used as a table. 

She followed Delia’s orders, kneeling on the sofa and crawling across her lap, laying down with her hips on Delia’s thighs. As Patsy settled in, she crossed her arms and tucked her head into her elbow, breathing deeply to calm herself, incapable of squelching the feeling of excitement and anticipation as she wondered what Delia was going to do. 

‘This,’ Delia said, and Patsy could almost tell that the smaller woman was gazing at her like a feast had been laid before her, ‘this is _almost_ perfect.’

Patsy gasped slightly as she felt Delia pull down her trousers with her unoccupied hand, ungracefully tugging at her tracksuit bottoms to her hips and bum were exposed once more. 

‘Ah, now it’s perfect,’ Delia sighed resoundingly. 

Patsy sighed as she felt Delia run her cool hand against her sore bum. The sensation was soothing and made Patsy feel relaxed. 

‘Now be a good table and stay absolutely still.’ 

Patsy hissed a breath of air through her teeth when she felt the ice cold glass rest on her sore skin.

‘Now I can continue reading my book before I was so rudely interrupted,’ Delia said, and Patsy could hear her flip through the pages, finally stopping when she came to where she had left off. 

Patsy steadied her breathing, finding the glass on her bum so cold it was soothing, but beginning to hurt. She stayed absolutely still and tried to bare it, the stinging sensation eventually tipping to the point of feeling pleasurable. 

Patsy let out a sigh when she heard Delia turn a page and then felt her pick up the glass from her bum to take a sip, the area where the glass had been was throbbing with the mixture of pain and pleasure and hot and cold. Patsy sighed again when she felt Delia place the glass back down on her skin in a different spot than before. 

She continued on like this for several moments, and Patsy came to find that she was absolutely loving this. She was loving the attention. She was loving the physical contact. She was loving that she didn’t have to think, she only had to lay there and focus on being a table and pleasing Delia. Her mind was completely clear. She was feeling giddy, listening to the happy humming from Delia as she picked up the cold glass and set it back down again. Delia’s little noises affirmed to Patsy that she was following her rules well, that she was pleasing Delia, that she was being good. 

‘I have to say,’ Delia sighed, ‘reading this book is so much more of a delight when I have a good table in my lap. So good, and respectful of this glass, not letting it fall to the floor and break. Respectful of my time, letting me read my book.’ 

Delia moaned delightfully as she lifted the glass to her lips again and took a long sip, relieving Patsy of the pleasant stinging from the cold against her sore skin. Patsy felt her place the glass back down and then heard her turn another page in her book. 

‘I dare say I know a naughty girl who could take a few lessons from such a respectful table.’ 

Patsy smiled, tucking her head further into her her elbow to try and hide it. She was so happy, so wonderfully turned on and she wished Delia would touch her, but she knew she had to wait. She knew she had to focus on being a good table. Patsy focused all her attention on being silent. Being still. 

The glass was lifted one last time, Patsy listening intently as Delia finished off what was left in the glass before she felt her lean over and place it on the end table. 

‘I’m very proud of you, Patsy,’ Delia said, ‘you managed to make such a good table. I’m quite impressed.’

Patsy bit her lip, remaining still as Delia used her sleeve to dab off drops of water from her bum and hips. 

‘So very good,’ Delia continued, her hands moving to gently caress her sensitive skin, wandering up Patsy’s jumper and lightly scratching her back. 

‘I think I just might be able to upgrade you to good girl, Pats.’ 

Patsy took that as a sign to be herself again. She sighed, physically relaxing in Delia’s lap as she could move again and make noise. 

‘Thank you,’ she breathed. 

‘Oh, you’re very welcome sweet girl,’ Delia said softly as her hands continued to wander, and Patsy remained where she was in Delia’s lap as she was given no instructions to move, ‘and you know, having you here, looking so delicious here in my lap, well, it makes me want to touch you. It makes me want to give you a treat for being such a good girl.’ 

Patsy’s heart fluttered in her chest and she could feel her sex pulse with want. 

‘What does my pretty girl want, hmm?’ Delia asked and Patsy could feel her hands palm over her inner thighs. 

Patsy gasped feeling Delia subtly spread her legs. Whatever Delia was going to do, she wanted it. 

‘Does my pretty girl want me to fuck her?’ 

‘Yes,’ Patsy choked out, ‘yes please,’ she said, finding herself wiggling her hips for contact. All this foreplay had gotten her so worked up she had gotten to the point of wanting to burst if she wasn’t touched soon. If she wasn’t fucked. She had never needed an orgasm so desperately in her life. 

Patsy cried out as Delia grazed a teasingly slow finger down her slit, parting her. Her body was so sensitive from all the stimulation that she was sure she would come if Delia so much as breathed on her clit. 

‘Oh, you feel so good, cariad,’ Delia sighed as she grazed her two fingers down and up Patsy’s slit again, ‘so very, very good. Our little game got you excited, didn’t it?’ 

‘Yes!’ Patsy gasped out, so desperate for contact, ‘Deels, please!’ she pleaded. 

‘Please what?’ 

Patsy nearly growled. 

‘Please fuck me, darling, I need you!’ she cried out, and her pleading was finally met with Delia’s two fingers thrusting inside her.

Patsy moaned as her hands come to grip her hair, and she couldn’t help but press her forehead against the sofa cushion for some kind of leverage. Delia was finally fucking her and she felt so good, she felt so relieved, she couldn’t help the aching cries that escaped her mouth as Delia found a steady rhythm. Patsy’s cries grew loud when Delia shifted her hand, her knuckles now pounding against her clit with just the right amount of pressure as she continued fucking her with her fingers. 

Patsy could feel her body tense. She was close and she knew it wouldn’t take long anyway. Her cries grew more urgent as Delia continued her rhythm, her back arched and her legs kicked, which amused Delia greatly as Patsy heard her giggle. 

‘Now what do good girls do when they want to come?’ 

Patsy grit her teeth, not having the cognitive ability to speak coherently at the moment. That is, until she felt Delia withdraw her fingers completely. 

‘What do they do?’ Delia asked again. 

‘They ask permission!’ Patsy cried. 

‘That’s right. So what do you need to say?’ 

‘Delia, may I please come!’ Patsy shouted. 

‘Hmm,’ Delia teasingly hesitated as Patsy writhed in her lap, ‘You may come,’ and Delia pushed her fingers back into Patsy, thrusting into her, finding that steady rhythm again. 

Patsy closed her eyes and gave a wanton cry as she felt herself brought to that edge again, her body tensing once more as Delia pushed her over it. She didn’t care that her arse was exposed and in the air, she felt no shame, no reservations for being fucked like this, for liking this. Her mind was on Delia. On Delia’s fingers inside of her pleasing her, making her feel good, making her come because she had earned it, because she was a good girl. Patsy could feel herself clamp down around Delia’s fingers, holding her in place as she came around them, and she writhed and cried out and saw stars behind her eyes. 

‘Oh, thank you,’ she breathed as she sighed, her body shaking, ‘thank you darling,’ she said again as she felt her body relax enough to release Delia’s fingers from her.

‘Of course, cariad,’ Delia said soothingly as her hands wandered over Patsy’s body again, gently caressing Patsy’s exposed hips and back. 

The touches made Patsy feel cared for, so loved. She couldn’t help but tuck her face into her elbow again shyly, her body still quivering slightly as she felt Delia remove her fingers completely. As Delia pulled Patsy’s trousers back up over her hips, Patsy took in deep breaths and willed herself to calm down, her body still humming with a myriad of sensations and emotions. 

There was something about what she had just experienced that was freeing, Patsy felt. Something about using her body as a medium to feel pleasure from pain, and in a way that was entirely within her control. It was cathartic. It was liberating. The thought brought tears to her eyes, and without even realizing it, she had started crying. 

‘Cariad?’ Delia said, suddenly sounding worried, ‘Patsy, sweetie,’ she said, gently grasping Patsy’s arms and shifting slightly to turn her over. 

Delia crawled on top of Patsy and straddled her, leaning over the taller woman to try and read her expression. Patsy tried to hide her face behind her arm as she cried, but Delia pulled it away. 

‘Pats, sweetheart,’ Delia started again, wiping fat tears away from Patsy’s face, ‘what is it? Have I done something to hurt you? Was it too much?’ Delia trailed off, worriedly. 

‘No,’ Patsy gasped out, her eyes screwed tight as she sniffed, ‘No, you’ve done nothing wrong.’ 

‘Then why…’ Delia trailed off again as Patsy shook her head. 

Patsy reached up and pulled Delia to her, holding her to her chest and wrapping her arms around the smaller woman. 

‘You were wonderful, Deels,’ Patsy said as Delia shifted and wrapped her arms around Patsy, her head coming to rest on Patsy's chest. 

‘So, these are happy tears?’ Delia asked softly. 

Patsy smiled, sniffing once more as she wiped the last tear away, ‘Yes, these are very happy tears,’ she said. 

‘Good,’ Delia said, and Patsy could feel the woman in her arms take a deep breath, ‘so everything was alright? You liked it?’ 

‘I did,’ Patsy smiled against Delia’s soft hair as she let out a breath of relief, ‘I really, really liked it.’ 

‘I really liked it, too,’ Delia said, snuggling in closer to Patsy. 

Patsy reached up and tenderly ran her fingers through Delia’s hair, kissing her sweetly on top of her head before she spoke again. 

‘I feel like I’m learning that it’s OK to feel pleasure again.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Delia asked, and Patsy nodded as she kissed the top of her head. 

‘Yes… I feel… worthy,’ Patsy sighed, stroking Delia’s hair again, ‘I feel worthy of having my consent treated like the number one most important thing in the world.’

‘That’s because it is, cariad,’ Delia said softly, sighing at Patsy’s gentle touches. 

Patsy paused for a moment to move her hand to Delia’s back, her hands finding their way up Delias’ jumper and gently rub her lower back. 

‘Delia you…’ Patsy sighed, once again wondering how she got to be so lucky, ‘you’ve treated my comfort level, my consent, and my body with such deep reverence and respect. I am absolutely grateful for it and I… I feel like this… what we’re doing... I feel like it’s opened some kind of gateway to giving myself permission to feel pleasure again.’ 

Delia scooted up Patsy’s body slightly so she could kiss her sweetly. 

‘Good. Hearing you say that makes me so happy.’ 

‘I am happy,’ Patsy said, kissing Delia again, ‘I haven’t been this happy in so long…’ she trailed off as she kissed Delia again. 

When they pulled away, Patsy couldn’t help but smile at the way Delia was looking at her, at the feeling of the smaller woman’s fingers gently pushing her fringe out of her eyes and tucking her hair behind her ear, and she watched a Delia leaned down once more to kiss her eyebrow, the bridge of her nose, her eyelids, and her lips finally found hers again. Both women closed their eyes as they shared a sensual kiss that left them breathless. Patsy reached her hand up and entangled her fingers in Delia’s hair, gently holding her as their kissing deepened. She opened her mouth and sighed as Delia pressed her tongue against hers, tasting her, breathing her in as she moved to kiss along Delia’s cheek, her jawline, along her neck. She loved the sound of Delia breathing in her ear, the little noises she was making as she licked and kissed a sensitive spot under her ear. It was reminding Patsy that Delia had barely been touched at all during their play, and she sought to remedy that just then. 

All motions stopped as Delia pulled away suddenly, leaving Patsy a little stunned. 

‘Hang on,’ Delia said, and she moved to get up, ‘I forgot, I need to take care of your bum.’ 

‘My bum?’ Patsy asked confused, sitting up. 

‘Yeah, I think I have some aloe in my bag,’ Delia said as she turned and began to walk away. 

‘Deels,’ Patsy said, grasping Delia by the hips and pulling her back to the sofa. Delia landed on top of her with a surprised shout, ‘My bum can wait, but what about you?’ 

‘What about me?’ Delia asked with a giggle as she settled in Patsy’s arms.

Patsy was quite happy with their position, her hugging Delia from behind as they lay on the sofa. She looked down and saw that her long arms had quite the reach, which was exemplified by her running her right hands down and up Delia’s thigh while the left reached up to tease her, to cup her breasts over her jumper. The motions had Delia replace her giggling with gasping and she arched her body into Patsy’s touches. Patsy smiled at how receptive Delia was being, and even though they weren’t still _playing_ , she wanted to make sure Deila did actually want what Patsy wanted. 

‘You’ve been so good to me,’ Patsy said softly as she kissed Delia’s ear, the smaller woman in her arms sighing as she was seemingly melting into Patsy’s touch, ‘May I please touch you?’ she whispered as she palmed Delia’s inner thigh, ‘May I please make you come?’ 

‘Yes,’ Delia sighed, her hips wiggling into Patsy’s hand, ‘I, um… it’s just…’

‘What’s the matter?’ Patsy asked softly, kissing Delias’ neck. 

‘Nothing,’ Delia said reassuringly, tilting her head to allow Patsy better access, ‘I’m just a tad sore from last night, is all.’ 

‘Oh, I see,’ Patsy said as her fingertips teasingly grazed just under the inside of Delia’s trousers, ‘I promise to be very gentle.’ 

‘Very gentle,’ Delia sighed. 

‘So gentle,’ Patsy practically whispered, her fingers finding their way into her knickers as she slowly grazed a finger down and up the length of Delia, causing the smaller woman in her arms to let out a gasp. 

‘Oh,’ Delia said as her legs practically fell apart. 

‘Just like that?’ Patsy asked, repeating the motion and loving how wet Delia was, thinking their playing must have really turned her on. 

‘Mmmhmm,’ Delia hummed, pushing her hips upwards to meet with Patsy’s hand, ‘yes, cariad, just like that.’ 

Patsy's grip around Delia’s body tightened as her fingers found Delia’s hard clit and began to slowly circle around the bundle of nerves. She couldn’t help but smile listening to Delia’s little gasps and her moaning at finally being touched. She loved the noises Delia made. She loved the way she felt, her weight on top of her, how she felt in her arms, how the smaller woman was rolling her hips to meet with Patsy’s circling fingers. There was something extra intimate at being able to hold her in her arms like this, and Patsy tried to convey her feelings for the smaller woman by holding her even closer. Patsy closed her eyes and breathed in Delia’s scent, finding the control within herself to not increase her pace or apply anymore pressure. She needed to keep it slow, steady, gentle. 

Gentle. 

Patsy found herself nuzzling Delia's ear with her nose before she kissed her there, her tongue coming out to lightly lick the shell of her ear before gently blowing on it. The sensation seemed to drive Delia crazy, by her reaction. She let out an aching cry and arched her back towards the ceiling. Patsy was a little resentful at the thick jumper impeding her view of Delia’s wonderful breasts as she made this motion. Her idle left hand found some useful employment by pulling Delia’s jumper up over her breasts so Patsy could happily enjoy them. Delia seemed undisturbed by this action and even brought Patsy’s hand over her breasts to feel them. 

Patsy repeated her action of licking Delia’s ear and then gently blowing, Delia’s back arching to the ceiling once more and Patsy was rewarded with a beautiful view of her stunning breasts. Her left hand lovingly caressed Delia’s naked torso while her mouth kissed her neck and nibbled on her earlobe. 

‘Mmm,’ Delia whined and Patsy could feel her body tense, ‘Oh, Pats,’ she gasped, ‘Oh, Pats, please don’t stop,’ she said as her hands came to grip Patsy’s thighs. 

‘I won’t stop, Darling,’ Patsy whispered as she tightened her grip, bracing herself as she listened to Delia’s breathing grow heavy, her chest rising and falling as she practically gulped down huge breaths of air as her orgasm encroached.

Delia’s aching moans filled the room, and Patsy was taken by surprise when she felt Delia grasp her left hand and take Patsy’s two fingers into her mouth, gently biting down and sucking as she rolled her hips against Patsy’s other hand. The action had Patsy moaning with her as desire built up within her once more. She had to find it within herself to keep her pace with her fingers, to stay focused on pleasing Delia right here and in the moment. She busied her mouth by sucking gently on a pulsepoint on Delia’s neck, and that seemed to be what was needed to have Delia fall over that edge. 

‘Oh!’ Delia cried out, her hips bucking against Patsy’s hand as her hands clamped down on Patsy’s thighs for leverage. 

Patsy held on tight as Delia’s body rocked and shook against her, and she smiled listening to Delia’s cries turn to whimpers as she quivered, loving the way she sounded as she came. 

Delia’s writhing soon slowed along with her breathing. She sighed, relieved, as Patsy removed her fingers from beneath her knickers. Patsy brought them to her mouth and sighed as she tasted a bit of the sweetness that only Delia could make, and she found herself moaning, a swell of desire growing within her to taste more of Delia, to be touched again by her. 

‘Thank you, Darling,’ Patsy sighed as she sweetly wrapped her arms around a very relaxed Delia. 

‘Anytime,’ Delia replied sleepily, and Patsy couldn’t help but giggle as she continued to hug her and kiss her ear. 

Soon, Delia stretched and disentanged herself from Patsy’s arms. 

‘Alright,’ Delia said, standing to her feet and pulling her jumper back down to cover herself, ‘let’s take care of that bum now.’ 

Patsy pouted, wanting to stay on the sofa and cuddle, ‘My bum is fine.’ 

Delia merely raised an eyebrow and Patsy saw her jaw clench as she gazed at her warningly. The redhead made the decision right then and there that it was probably in her best interest not to protest her on this. 

With a sigh, Patsy rose from her spot on the sofa and followed Delia to the bedroom where the smaller woman had her lie down on her belly as she rifled through her duffle bag. 

‘See this is what I was afraid of,’ Delia said as she once again pulled Patsy’s trousers and knickers down around her thighs, ‘flogging you with the book has gone and made your bum all red,’ she tisked. 

‘Of course it did,’ Patsy said as she crossed her arms in front of her, ‘and I would have put a stop to it if I thought it was going too far. I hope you don’t feel bad about- eep!’ 

Patsy exclaimed as Delia dropped a very shockingly cold dollop of aloe on Patsy’s sensitive rear end. 

‘Sorry,’ Delia said, ‘should have warmed it up in my hand first or something, and no, I don’t feel bad,’ she said as she began to spread the aloe over Patsy’s skin, ‘I think it’s because I’m just causing you pain-’

‘Deels,’ Patsy cut her off, ‘you are absolutely not _causing_ me pain. I don’t want you to think of it like that.’ 

Delia sighed, ‘I know, I know… I just don’t want to leave any marks on you. I’d be terribly upset if you needed to walk into the clinic or something with a mark you couldn’t explain.’ 

Patsy rested her head in her arms as Delia continued rubbing her skin, ‘You probably shouldn’t look at your neck in the mirror right now, then.’ 

Patsy had to fight off a smile as she heard Delia gasp, ‘Pats!’ and slap her hand over her neck. 

‘Sorry,’ Patsy giggled into her arms, ‘I just got carried away.’ 

Delia gave Patsy a playful spank on her hip and the two shared a laugh, Delia mumbling something about how lucky Patsy was that she had a fine collection of foundation to cover everything up. 

The two calmed down from their giggles as Delia continued to rub Patsy’s rear end with the soothing aloe, the two women falling into a comfortable silence for several moments. Pats rested her head in her arms, her breathing slowing as she felt very well cared for and was loving the added attention she was receiving from Delia right now. 

‘Pats,’ Delia asked.

‘Hmm?’ Patsy hummed tiredly. 

‘Do you ever do anything for self care?’ 

‘Self care?’ Patsy asked, her head still in her arms. 

‘Yeah, like, do you have days where you just do things you like to take care of yourself?’

‘I have absolutely no idea what that would entail,’ Patsy replied honestly. 

‘Well, most people would take a bath or have a day at the spa or something,’ Delia shrugged, ‘they read a good book, spend time on a hobby they enjoy…’ 

Patsy merely laughed, ‘Deels, I can’t remember the last time I went to any spa, had my nails done, or any of that girly stuff,’ Patsy sat up on her elbows and shrugged, ‘Hell, the bath you made for me the night before was the first bath I have had that I can remember, and I don’t typically do anything outside of work other than listen to music and drink.’ 

‘So what I’m hearing is that you’re a workaholic who is stressed out all the time and you do very little to take care of your mind and body,’ Delia surmised as she pulled Patsy's trousers back up over her hips. 

‘So it seems,’ Patsy said as she rolled over, resting against the pillows as she looked to Delia

The smaller woman sat back on her heels and looked at Patsy a little distraught, as if she was unsure of what to say.

Patsy sighed, ‘Deels, I know it sounds bad, and it probably is,’ she started as she raked her hands through her red hair, ‘it’s just… Deels, I can't say I love myself. I can’t say it yet because I don’t feel it yet, you know? I’ve spent so many years loathing the body I’m in that I don’t know _how_ to take care of myself…’ Patsy trailed off nervously as she picked at her fingernails, ‘and I think… well, I feel like the time we’ve spent here cut off from the world has been a bit of an eye opener for me,’ she looked back up to Delia, hoping the expression I her face conveyed how sincere she felt, ‘I feel like… no, I _know_ I need to make a change, I’m just not quite sure how.’ 

‘That’s alright, cariad,’ Delia said as she took Patsy's hand and gently placed a kiss on her knuckles, ‘I’m happy to hear you’re ready to make a change. It’s a good start,’ she smiled as she placed Patsy's hand in her lap, tenderly running her thumb over her knuckles as she smiled warmly at Patsy. 

Patsy sighed. It was a small gesture, but one she found very touching nonetheless. She found herself pulling Delia towards her to lay with her on the bed, and Delia allowed herself to be pulled, falling against Patsy with a giggle as the two shifted so Delia’s head was in the crook of Patsy's shoulder and they had their arms wrapped around each other. Patsy kissed the top of Delia’s head as she ran her fingers through her long hair, while Delia snuggled in closer, her hand idly lifting Patsy's top to gently caress the curve of her hips. 

‘I feel like being here has been a bit of a shock to my system,’ Patsy mused quietly. 

‘How do you mean?’ 

‘Not in a bad way,’ she said, ‘More like, I just _feel_ better. All this fresh air and exercise and hearty meals and sleeping… I feel motivated to keep it going when we get back to London, but I’m just having trouble working out the how.’ 

‘It’s not going to be too hard Pats,’ Delia said, ‘you know I can’t do the work for you, but I can certainly be a cheerleader.’ 

Patsy laughed slightly, ‘How’s that? Certainly wouldn’t mind watching you do some cartwheels or something.’ 

‘No, silly,’ Delia said s she playfully swatted at Patsy, ‘I mean like, I don’t know, I really do enjoy cooking and I told you I would cook for you.’ 

‘Deels, I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘No, really!’ Delia exclaimed and sat up, looking at Patsy, excited to share her idea, ‘It could be fun! Something we can do together, too. That way you can learn how to cook for yourself eventually, you know? We can make a big batch of something on Sundays to take in for lunch. At the very least that’s one way we can make sure you’re getting in one decent meal a day… and,’ Delia lay back down against Patsy and her voice grew quiet, ‘and I think it would also be a good way for us to just spend time together, too…’ 

Delia trailed off, seemingly sad all of a sudden.

Patsy hugged her close, ‘Darling that sounds like a wonderful idea.’ 

Delia beamed up at her and Patsy's heart melted. 

‘Really? You like that idea?’ 

‘Of course I do,’ Patsy couldn’t help but smile, ‘it sounds rather romantic honestly.’ 

‘Sharing food with people I care about is probably my ultimate love language,’ Delia said resoundingly. 

‘Why’s that?’ 

Delia took a deep breath and snuggled closer to Patsy, seemingly shy, ‘Probably because there wasn’t enough of it to go around when I was growing up.’ 

There was a painful throb in Patsy's chest at the thought of Delia and her siblings ever having to go to bed hungry and in pain. 

‘Deels,’ Patsy said, ‘how is your family now? Are they still struggling even with you out on your own?’ 

Delia hesitated to respond, her face contorting to search for the words, ‘It’s… getting better, I think. Mam injured herself at work and… well she needs a cane to get around now, but she’s able to collect a little disability. It’s just enough for her to be a stay at home mum now and cover the bills. My Da found a steady job as a truck driver. He’s usually on the road for a few days at a time though, so it’s still a little tough for my Mam. Says she feels like a single Mum most the time, but I know my oldest brother has stepped up to help with the younger ones.’ 

Patsy stroked Delia’s hair as she sighed sadly, ‘Do you still help them?’ Patsy asked, ‘Do you send them money at all?’ 

Delia slowly nodded, ‘Just a little bit here and there. Enough for the boys to go on school trips and the like,’ she looked up proudly, ‘you know, give them the experiences I didn’t have a chance to have.’ 

Patsy clenched her jaw and held her tongue, pushing down a sting of resentment she felt towards Delia’s parents for putting all that responsibility on her as she as growing up. 

‘The oldest is taking a trip to Paris in the spring with his class,’ Delia continued, ‘I’m quite proud of him really. He’s been studying French all his life and he’s very excited to finally go…’ Delia smiled again, albeit sadly. 

‘Do you want to go to Paris?’ Patsy asked softly. 

‘Oh, absolutely. I want to travel all over someday. But most of all I want to visit Paris,’ she sighed, ‘I’m in no rush though. Paris will always be there. I’ll be able to save my money and take a nice long trip someday.’ 

Part nodded silently, tucking away that little tidbit of information to use sometime later. 

‘Well,’ Patsy began, deciding to steer the subject back to food, ‘if we’re going to start cooking together then I insist on buying the groceries.’ 

‘I can afford my own groceries,’ Delia interjected. 

‘I know you can, but at the very least I can pay for the food we will be making together. I think that’s fair, don’t you?’ 

Delia sighed, ‘Oh, I suppose…’ she trailed off again, her mind seemingly lost in thought, ‘so what else do you plan on doing to stay well, hmm? I don’t suppose you’re going to incorporate some sort of daily exercise?’ 

Patsy groaned and Delia giggled. 

‘Deels, that just seems so daunting. I mean, being here, the exercise came naturally because it just had to get done, you know? It was something where I was forced to use my whole body and by the end of it all I had accomplished something.’ 

‘You can still do that in the city, Pats,’ Delia said, ‘and it can be something simple like walking or riding a bicycle to and from work instead of taking the tube.’ 

‘My preference would be to not to arrive at work all sweaty in the summers, Deels.’ 

‘Oh, hush. It’s merely a suggestion.’ 

Patsy smiled and kissed the top of Delia’s head, ‘I know, I know. Thank you. I’m not opposed to the idea but I need some time to think on it.’

‘Alright, alright,’ Delia sighed as she wrapped her arm around Patsy's waist again, taking a deep breath. 

The two women were silent for a few moments, and Patsy closed her eyes. She gently pressed her lips against the top of Delia’s head again, smelling her hair and feeling quite relaxed and absolutely calm laying like this in bed with her. She was thinking she could get quite used to holding her like this more often. 

‘Pats?’ Delia started shyly. 

‘Hmm?’ 

‘I want to ask you something…’ she trailed off, her fingers idly picking at a loose strand at the hem of Patsy's top. 

‘What is it?’ 

Delia sighed, ‘It’s just, I’m wondering… since you’re going to get more serious about your physical health, I was wondering if you would be willing to do the same for your mental health as well?’ she finished delicately, looking up shyly at Patsy to gauge her reaction. 

Patsy took a deep breath. In all honesty the suggestion had her feeling rather defensive. She had seen psychologists before when she was younger after her parents died, but her gran had discontinued the sessions as she deemed she and her sister perfectly capable of moving on with their lives, despite the trauma. No need to pay someone to listen to them talk when they had each other, she reasoned. Patsy and her sister were too young at the time to know this was a terrible idea, and Patsy had spent too much time as an adolescent and adult hating herself to give her health, mental or otherwise, much regard. 

But now, things were different. Things had to change and she was ready to put the work into making those changes. 

Patsy sighed and gave Delia another kiss on the to of her head, ‘You’re right,’ she sighed again, ‘it’s about time I take care of that, too.’

Delia sat up and looked to Patsy with a smile, looking almost as if she had stars in her eyes, ‘Really?’

Patsy smiled, ‘Yes, really. I’ll look into seeing someone once we get settled in again, alright?’ 

‘Alright,’ Delia said happily and snuggled back in next to Patsy. 

‘Will you be my cheerleader for that, too? 

‘Certainly.’

‘Might help of you wore short skirts and did some splits.’ 

‘Oof,’ Delia huffed, ‘the spirit is willing but the flesh is going to need more yoga classes to limber up.’ 

‘I can wait,’ Patsy laughed as Delia swatted at her. 

‘I just thought of something,’ Delia smiled cheekily up at Patsy just then, ‘You know what else is a natural way to get some exercise?’ 

Patsy raised an eyebrow, ‘Are you going to say se-,’ 

‘Sex,’ Delia interrupted with a laugh, ‘Lots and lots of sex.’ 

‘Deels I’m looking for workouts I can accomplish _every_ day.’ 

‘You can have sex every day.’ 

‘No you can’t.’

‘Well not with that attitude.’ 

‘Deels, I’m trying to be realistic here.’ 

‘Yes, and realistically you can have sex every day,’ Delia smiled up at Patsy before adding, ‘with me!’ 

Patsy raised her eyebrows, ‘Ah, well thanks for clarifying that last bit. Suppose I’ll have to go and turn away all those ladies lining up at my door waiting to have their way with me, yeah?’ 

Delia grinned and moved to straddle Patsy, her hands balling Patsy's top in her fists as she playfully glared at her, ‘I think it would be in your very best interest to turn any other love interests away so long as I’m around.’ 

‘Oh, so you’re the jealous type, hmm?’ Patsy smiled as she ran her hands along the length of Delia’s strong thighs. 

‘You better believe it. Besides, why would you want to go around kissing other girls when you could kiss me?’ She asked, leaning down to assert her opinion by kissing Patsy sensually on the lips. 

When Delia pulled away, Patsy was left rather breathless, ‘I could never imagine anything more divine,’ she said, slowly blinking her eyes open to see Delia looking back down at her triumphantly. 

‘Good answer,’ Delia said softly as she leaned down to kiss her once more, ‘I hope you have the same sentiments about sleeping with me,’ she breathed as she situated herself to lay down on top of Patsy, settling in between her hips as their legs intertwined. 

‘Oh, I absolutely do,’ Patsy closed her eyes and smiled as she felt Delia’s hands work their way under her top. 

Delia smiled happily as she pushed Patsy's top up and over her breasts, exposing them to the air, and Patsy could feel her skin contract with the cold, the little bumps on her skin rising. She sighed as she felt Delia gently nuzzle her nose along the curve of her breasts and watched as Delia’s tongue poked out between her pink lips to swirl around a hard nipple before she wrapped her lips around it, gently tugging. The sight had Patsy's hips arching against Delia’s for contact and she watched as Delia gave a small, yet smug smile at her reaction. The look reminded Patsy of something she had been wanting to ask Delia since that morning. 

‘Ah, actually,’ Patsy started, shaking her head as she worked to collect her thoughts. My, she thought, this woman was distracting. 

‘Oh, sorry,’ Delia pulled away and pulled Patsy's top back down, ‘I should have asked first.’ 

‘No, it’s not that,’ Path said reassuringly, ‘I don’t mind that at all, I was just reminded of a question I wanted to ask you.’

‘Oh?’ Delia said rather distracted as she pushed Patsy's shirt back up over her breasts. 

‘It’s… well I think it’s rather personal, though.’ 

Delia shrugged with a smile, ‘That’s alright, you can ask me,’ she said before sweetly kissing along the valley between Patsy's breasts. 

‘Well it’s just,’ Patsy sighed at her kisses, working hard to stay focused, ‘I’m still just rather surprised at how sexually confident you are when you’re… you know.’ 

‘So young?’ Delia finished for her, looking up at Patsy rather innocently as she teasingly wrapped her lips around Patsy’s other nipple and gently tugged. 

‘Yeah,’ Patsy sighed, ‘sorry, it’s just, when I think back to myself at that age, I feel like I only had some semblance of what I was doing. You seem to have everything all figured out, and I mean… even everything we did earlier today! Had you even done something like that before?’ 

‘Nope,’ Delia smiled as she gently palmed her hand over Patsy’s breasts. 

‘See, this is what I’m talking about,’ Patsy sighed, ‘I’m just wondering how? Are you just a natural? How do you know what you’re doing when you’re so young?’ 

Delia merely giggled and rested her head in her hand, ‘I think it’s a combination of several things really.’

‘Such as?’

Delia shrugged, her hand still idly playing with Patsy’s breasts as she looked up in thought and began to verbally tick off the reasons, ‘High sex drive, an insatiable thirst for knowledge on all kinds of sex and sexualities, relationships, a willingness to try new things, having an open mind…’ she trailed off with a smile, ‘I think it all really started when I enrolled uni. Before I began classes I cracked open my human sexuality text and read it from cover to cover. I was astounded, just absolutely amazed how how little I actually knew about how our bodies worked when it came to sex and reproduction. Even showcasing what constitutes a healthy relationship and all that. I mean, I know at the base it is all is trust and love, but it’s also constant work and communication and commitment to make it successful.’ 

Patsy couldn’t help but smile at the sincerity of Delia’s interest. 

‘So anyway, I went on a personal crusade to go out and absorb as much information as I could about all things sex and sexuality. I read so many books, blogs, essays, subscribed to newsletters of advice columnists,’ Delia waved her hand as if to say etcetera and gave a resounding sigh, ‘It's my hobby. It’s going to be a lifelong learning experience for me, I can tell you that much. It’s why I wanted to go into midwifery. Maybe someday go back and get my doctorate in gynecology,’ Delia shrugged, ‘who knows, maybe someday I’d like to go back to uni as the professor who opens the world to whole new generations of young people eager to learn about their bodies and go off and have great sex and relationships.’ 

‘Hmm,’ Patsy hummed in thought, taking in all that Delia said. 

‘Hmm, what?’ 

‘I’m just marveling at your insatiable curiosity.’

Delia merely grinned and wiggled her eyebrows playfully, ‘That’s not the only thing that’s insatiable.’ 

‘I’m marveling at that, too,’ Patsy said, shaking her head slightly, ‘I suppose it’s also your hobby to put what you’ve learned into practice, hmm?’ Patsy said teasingly. 

‘Only if I’ve found other willing participants, yes.’ 

Patsy sat up with a mischievous smile and rolled Delia over onto her back, the brunette now pinned down against the pillows with Patsy hovering over her.

‘Participants, eh? You mean there’s sometimes more than one?’ Patsy asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Delia giggled, ‘Sometimes, yeah,’ she said as a blush feathered across her cheeks. 

‘With women or men?’ Patsy asked curiously, her eyes drifting to Delia’s navel as she slowly lifted her jumper. 

‘Never with a man,’ Delia said shaking her head, ‘not really interested.’ 

‘Me neither,’ Patsy said, raising Delia’s jumper just a bit higher. 

‘Though I would never say no to an incredibly hot woman such as yourself with a strap on,’ Delia replied, closing her eyes. 

‘Oh no?’ Patsy asked, her eyes moving to Delia’s now exposed, perfectly round breasts. Patsy practically felt her mouth water at the sight of them. 

‘No, not at all. In fact I think I’d like it very much if you’re willing,’ Delia sat up, unprovoked by Patsy, and raised her arms instinctively, allowing Patsy to pull off her jumper and top underneath. 

‘You want me to wear it?’ Patsy asked as she casually tossed Delia’s clothing aside. 

‘Yeah, and I’ll wear it for you too if you like?’ Delia asked, laying back down against the soft pillows and duvet. 

‘I don’t know,’ Patsy sighed, ‘I remember trying it once and didn’t particularly care for it,’ she said as her hands roamed freely over Delia’s body. 

‘Do you not like being penetrated?’ Delia sighed and closed her eyes again, squirming slightly under Patsy’s touch. 

‘It wasn’t so much that as I don’t think the woman I was with knew what she was doing,’ Patsy said as her fingers hooked under the elastic waistband of Delia’s tracksuit bottoms and knickers. 

‘Oh, well, you don’t have to worry about that with me,’ Delia said, lifting her bum to allow Patsy to pull her trousers off. 

‘Is that so?’ Patsy asked nonchalant as she slipped Delia’s trousers and knickers to the floor, leaving a completely naked Delia on the bed for her to admire. 

‘That’s right,’ Delia said as she stretched like a cat in a sunbeam, resting her hands over her head, ‘I think I’d be pretty good at fucking you.’ 

‘I think you proved that last night, darling,’ Patsy said as she happily took one of Delia’s naked feet and brought it to her mouth. The action of kissing the side of her foot caused Delia to finally open her eyes and gasp. 

‘Ah!’ Delia exclaimed aghast, ‘How did I end up naked?!’ 

Patsy laughed, ‘You practically took off your clothes for me,’ she said as she placed Delia’s foot back down. 

‘Oh,’ Delia said as she lay back down and closed her eyes, ‘well, carry on then.’ 

Patsy smiled as she tenderly grazed her hands along Delia’s legs, ‘You don’t want me to stop?’ 

‘I don’t think so…’ Delia trailed off as Patsy settled in between her legs. 

‘You don’t think so?’ Patsy repeated as she kissed Delia’s inner thigh, causing the smaller woman to gasp. 

‘No, I know so,’ she said as Patsy kissed her other thigh. 

‘Are you sure?’ Patsy asked as she placed a teasingly sweet kiss at the top of Delia’s labia. 

‘Patsy if you stop right now I’m sending you to bed without dessert!’ 

‘Yes, darling,’ Patsy said softly, and allowed herself to give Delia one teasingly long lick up the length of Delia, parting her lips and hearing her moan her approval as she breathed in her scent and tasted her. 

Gentle, gentle. Patsy reminded herself. Listen to her, read her body language, go slow. 

Patsy’s hands caressed Delia’s thighs and hips as her tongue lapped at her slowly, pointedly avoiding her clit while her mouth paid attention to the rest of her, taking her time to taste her and listen to her breathing and whimpering. After several moments, Patsy pulled away slightly and feathered her lips over Delia’s sensitive clit, and she was rewarded by her gentle touches with one of the most erotic cries she had ever heard. Patsy felt her own sex pulse with desire, but she willed herself to ignore it and focus on Delia. 

It was all about Delia for the rest of the night, she decided. 

Patsy smiled and gave one firm roll of her tongue over Delia’s clit, and that was all it took for the brunette to come undone. 

Delia cried out, reaching down to push Patsy’s head away as her body contracted and writhed. 

Patsy giggled, rather bemused as she watched Delia squirm. 

‘No wonder you like sex so much, you come so easily…’ Patsy said, kissing her thigh. She wished Delia hadn’t come so soon as she hadn’t quite had her fill of that sweetness only Delia could make. 

‘I do not!’ Delia whined, ‘You’ve just got me all worked up is all…’ she trailed of as Patsy crawled up the bed, hovering over her, the redhead settling in between her legs as she peppered Delia’s chest and breasts with kisses. 

‘Oh, do I?’ Patsy asked teasingly, ‘that was never my intent at all, I assure you,’ she said as she wrapped her lips around a nipple and tugged gently. 

‘You are so full of shit,’ Delia said, though couldn’t help but smile. She opened her eyes and saw that Patsy was still fully dressed, ‘Also, how is this fair,’ she asked, tugging on the sleeve of Patsy’s top. Delia pushed Patsy off of her, both women on their knees now as Delia stripped Patsy of her top, tossing it carelessly aside before pushing the taller woman onto her back and tugging off her tracksuit bottoms and knickers, throwing them aside without a thought. 

‘There,’ Delia gave a triumphant smile as she straddled Patsy, ‘I prefer my Pats naked when I’m naked.’ 

Patsy couldn’t help but grin at Delia calling her ‘my Pats’ as the smaller woman’s hands wandered over her breasts and hips, happily taking in her naked body. It had Patsy feeling quite confident. 

Patsy smiled mischievously and grabbed Delia’s hips, rocking her against her pelvis, the woman above her gasping and throwing her head back slightly as she ground her hips against Patsy. 

‘Oh, fuck, OK,’ Delia said as she pressed her hands against Patsy’s chest for leverage, her hips grinding hard and quick against Patsy’s. 

Patsy tisked, ‘See, look at you,’ she said, her hands grasped hard on Delia’s hips as she continued to guide her, ‘You’re going to come again if we keep going, aren’t you, horny girl.’ 

‘Yup,’ Delia sighed, her breathing became heavy again, ‘and it’s all your fault.’ 

‘Oh, how it is my fault,’ Patsy asked with a smirk. She couldn’t help but feel smug at how turned on Delia was right now. 

‘You just… being you,’ Delia squeezed her eyes shut as she breathed, ‘being so tall and attractive with your pouty lips and long legs and long fingers and…,’ Delia stopped and clenched her teeth, ‘oh god, those fingers… ah, _fuck_.’ 

Patsy watched with absolute wonder as Delia’s face suddenly became relaxed as she came yet again on top of her, her mouth forming an ‘o’ shape as she cried out once more. 

Patsy sat up and wrapped her arms around Delia so she didn’t fall forward as she shook. 

‘Alright,’ Delia said, breathing heavily into Patsy’s neck, ‘seriously now, I need a break.’ 

‘Spoilsport,’ Patsy said as she tenderly rubbed Delia’s back and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. 

‘If we’re going to keep going I need a gatorade or a snack or something,’ Delia replied, wrapping her arms around Patsy. 

‘I have something you can nibble on if you’re hungry,’ Patsy quipped with a wiggle of her eyebrow. 

‘Cheeky,’ Delia said as she playfully bit Patsy’s shoulder. 

‘So what's your record, anyway?’ Patsy asked. 

‘My record?’ Delia asked, raking her fingers through her hair to get it out of her face. 

‘Yeah, how many times have you been able to have an orgasm in one evening?’ 

‘By myself or with another person?’ 

‘Both.’ 

‘With another person, three, maybe four?’

‘And by yourself?’ 

‘I think six, though I had an abundance of red wine and a rather powerful vibrator that evening.’ 

‘So you like toys, hmm?’ 

‘Love them. Shame we don’t have any with us this evening.’ 

‘Not true, you’re using one right now.’ 

‘That so?’ Delia said, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes slightly, considering what Patsy had said. 

Delia grinned, taking a fistful of Patsy’s hair in her hand and pulling her head back, causing Patsy to close her eyes and gasp, ‘You want to be my little plaything, Pats?’ 

‘I want to be whatever you so desire,’ Patsy said softly as she allowed Delia to guide her down to rest her head against the pillows. 

‘And what does my plaything want, hmm?’ Delia asked softly as she licked along the length of Patsy’s neck. 

‘I want to do whatever it is you want to do,’ Patsy sighed. 

‘I like that answer,’ Delia said as she let go of Patsy’s hair. 

Delia sat up and looked down at Patsy curiously, considering her. Patsy watched Delia’s eyes trail down and up her body, a slow smirk spreading across her features. 

‘I think I want to watch my plaything touch herself,’ Delia said, dismounting from Patsy and falling on her back beside Patsy on the pillows. She sighed resoundingly as she rolled on her side towards Patsy, resting her head in her hand as she looked to the redhead expectantly. 

Patsy nodded in understanding, feeling herself blush and bite her lip shyly before she stroked her own thigh with her right hand. 

‘No, no,’ Delia said, and Patsy paused, looking at her, ‘sit up, cariad. I want to be able to see you.’ 

Patsy licked her lips, sitting up on her knees and facing Delia, she slowly reached her hand between her legs again. Despite being absolutely turned on, she still couldn’t help but feel a bit shy and vulnerable under Delia’s gaze, which was looking quite voracious at the moment as Patsy finally touched herself. She focused on ignoring those little bits of doubt and closed her eyes, concentrating on how much she would rather have her head between Delia’s legs at the moment as she skillfully rolled her fingers over her own clit. 

‘Tell me what you’re thinking about,’ Patsy heard Delia say softly. 

Keeping her eyes closed, Patsy took a deep breath and focused on her words, ‘I’m… I’m thinking about your pussy.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Delia asked, ‘What about it?’ 

‘I’m thinking about how good it feels against my face, how good it feels in my mouth’ Patsy sighed, feeling herself her closer to that edge as she rubbed herself faster, ‘how warm and sweet you are, how wonderful you taste, how good it feels to make my girl come…’ 

‘My girl?’

‘Ah,’ Patsy halted her motions and looked to Delia worriedly, ‘sorry,’ she said completely removing her hands from herself, ‘I’m sorry.’ 

Delia looked rather confused, ‘Why are you sorry?’ 

Patsy blinked, swallowing a heavy lump in her throat, ‘because I shouldn’t call you that. You… you’re not mine. You don’t belong to anyone but yourself,’ Patsy finished. She knew it was true, but saying those words out loud caused a sharp, painful spear to pierce her heart. 

‘Pats,’ Delia started, sitting up, ‘you can absolutely call me that.’ 

‘Really?’ 

‘Yes, silly,’ she said, crawling over to Patsy and rising on her knees to be face to face with the taller woman, and Patsy noticed a blush across her cheeks as she spoke, ‘I would love it if you called me your girl,’ she finished, sweetly kissing Patsy. 

‘You would?’ Patsy asked, feeling any doubt she may have had completely squelched. She felt elated and relieved and very, very happy at being told she could call Delia her girl. 

‘Mmhmm,’ Delia said, ‘now,’ she continued with a sly whisper, ‘would a little taste of your girls pussy help you get back in the mood?’ 

Patsy nodded as she bgan touching herself again, her heart fluttering wonderfully in her chest as she watched Delia touch herself, bringing her two fingers to Patsy's mouth coated with her natural wetness for Patsy to taste. 

‘There you are sweet girl, just for you,’ Delia said as she bit her lip. 

‘Thank you,’ Patsy breathed as she closed her eyes and wrapped her lips around Delia’s fingers, her tongue swirling over the digits, gently sucking on them. The taste of her sweet juices had Patsy moaning as she continued to greedily suck on Delia’s fingers, wanting to get every last drop she was allowed. 

Delia suddenly pulled her fingers from her mouth.

‘Don’t you dare come,’ she commanded, and Patsy immediately whipped her hand away from herself, her knees buckling slightly at the pain. She writhed from being pulled back from that edge, but it was a rather delightful pain not quite unlike being spanked as she was earlier. 

Delia smiled and tenderly brushed Patsy's fringe out of her eyes. 

‘Good girl,’ she breathed as she kissed her, ‘So good…,’ she sighed as she trailed her fingers over Patsy's plump lips, ‘if you stay good, I’ll let you come,’ she said as her fingers trailed lightly over Patsy's breasts. 

Patsy breathed as Delia touched her, her heart beating in anticipation as her fingers dipped lower and lower. She had hope that Delia would touch her where she desperately wanted her to most, but at the last moment, the brunette pulled way, and Patsy let out a breath of air that she didn’t know she had been holding in. 

‘But I’m not done with you yet,’ Delia said with a mischievous smile, ‘I’m not ready to let my plaything do anything but please me before she pleases herself.’ 

‘Of course,’ Patsy breathed, ‘what would you like darling?’ 

Delia tenderly ran her fingers through Patsy's hair before responding, her smirk growing into a smile, ‘I think I want my plaything to tie me up, just so she can see how much fun it can be.’ 

‘Tie you up?’ patsy asked with wide eyes. Had she heard her correctly? 

‘Mmhmm,’ Delia said, sitting back on her heels, ‘Look around to see what you can bind my wrists with,’ she said, relaxing against the bed. 

Patsy sat there blinking for a moment. She really wanted her to tie her up? 

Delia shooed her away with a flick of her wrist, ‘Go on! Don’t keep me waiting sweetheart.’ 

Patsy hopped out of bed in an instant, looking around, just wondering what on earth she could find around here that would work. Ther clothes were on the floor, but there was nothing there that would really do the trick. Patsy walked over to the linen closet and opened it, wondering if there was anything in there she could use. All she saw were fluffy towels that were much too thick to be used as ties. 

She sighed and closed the door, glancing back at Delia who was leaning against the pillows, looking rather amused with her hands interlocked behind her head, watching as Patsy racked her brain looking around the room for anything that could work. 

Patsy decided she needed to expand her breadth and move about the house to see what she could find. 

She walked to the bathroom and took a quick peek, noticing that behind the door hanging on hooks were two cotton dressing gowns… Two dressing gowns with similarly long cotton belts. Belts that Patsy happily tugged from their loops and held in her hands as if she were measuring something delicate. She pulled taught on the belts and decided they would do the trick. 

Patsy paused before she walked back into the bedroom, her eyes catching their coats by the front door. She saw her long red scarf dangling around her coat and walked over to grab that, too, thinking it could come in handy. 

All three ties in her hand, Patsy walked back into the bedroom and shut the door behind her, loving the way Delia eyes lit up as she approached. 

‘Ooh, what do you have there?’ she asked, sitting up on her knees again. 

‘Two dressing gown belts and one scarf,’ Patsy said as she rounded the bed to be closer to Delia. 

‘Ooh, is one of them a blindfold?’ 

Patsy paused, not having thought of that. 

‘It can be if you want,’ she said as she stood behind Delia. 

‘Oh, I do want. I think that’s pretty fun, too.’ 

‘As you wish,’ Patsy said as she took the scarf and folded it in half longways, carefully wrapping it around Delia’s eyes and tying it snug along the back of her head. 

‘Is that alright, darling?’ Patsy asked as she smoothed Delia’s long hair over her shoulders. 

‘It’s perfect,’ Delia smiled. 

Patsy took the two belts in her hand and paused for a moment, wondering just how to do this. Did Delia want her to tie her to the bed? Did she want her to bind her legs, too, or just her hands?

‘How would you like for me to tie you up?’ Patsy asked. 

Delia reached behind herself and grasped her wrists with her hands. 

‘Just the wrists, please,’ she said, and Patsy looped one of the dressing gown belts around her wrists and tied it off snug. 

‘How is that?’ 

Delia tugged at herself and the tie didn’t budge, ‘I think that will do.’ 

Patsy tenderly kissed her shoulder as she grazed her hands over Delia’s arms, and Delia smiled. 

‘Will you lay me down on my back, cariad?’ Delia asked. 

‘Of course, darling,’ Patsy said, and she gently guided Delia to lay down, resting her head against the pillows. 

Patsy walked around the other side of the bed and crawled in, sitting on her bum beside Delia, just looking at her beautifully naked form, taking her in. Patsy wasn’t sure what to do with herself, or with Delia, but she couldn’t help herself as she reached over and placed her hand on Delia’s thigh, dangerously close to where she really wanted to be touching her.

‘Ah, ah,’ Delia said as she clamped her thighs together, trapping Patsy's hand, ‘not yet.’ 

‘Sorry, darling,’ Patsy said before she moved her hand, ‘How terribly rude of me to not have asked first.’ 

‘Absolutely,’ Delia grinned, ‘but don’t worry, you’ll have a chance to make it up to me.’ 

‘And just what would you like, sweetheart?’ Patsy asked, growing excited at the prospect of pleasing Delia again. 

Delia grinned, biting her lip, ‘Pats, what do you think I would like, hmm?’ 

Patsy thought for a moment. If Delia’s pussy was off limits for now, what about the rest of her? Would she want Patsy to touch her everywhere else? Maybe she would. She had wanted Patsy to be soft and gentle with her throughout the evening, so maybe she wants to continue the trend. 

Patsy spotted the unused dressing gown belts and held it in her hands. It was soft and light to the touch, the fluffy cotton felt delicate in her hands. 

She wrapped the loose end around her hand several times so there was only a little bit dangling from between her thumb and forefinger. Starting at Delia’s knee, Patsy feathered the soft material slowly along Delia’s thigh, the smaller woman twitching with a surprised gasp. 

‘Ooh,’ Delia sighed as she rubbed her legs together and arched her back, ‘oh, cariad, I like that.’

Delia gulped and took a deep breath as Patsy moved at a snail's pace along the underside of her tummy, twitching at the featherlight touches. 

‘Oh, I like that a lot,’ Delia breathed again as she arched into the light touches. 

Patsy continued, thoroughly turned on, and also quite amused at just how sensitive Delia’s skin was. She loved watching the skin around Delia’s breasts contract, the little bumps on her skin rising as her nipples hardened at the achingly soft touches. She loved watching Delia wiggle, struggling to move, pulling against her restraints as she allowed Patsy to continue this delicious torture. She loved listening to Delia give those little soft gasps and giggles as Patsy traced the soft belt along her chest and neck, along her cheeks and back down again. 

‘Pats,’ Delia asked. 

‘Hmm?’ Patsy asked, seemingly coming out of her trance. 

‘I really want you to do this same thing with your mouth,’ she breathed. 

Patsy perked up, excited, ‘Of course, darling,’ she said as she sat up and unwrapped the belt from her hand and tossed it aside. She sat up on her knees and moved to start where the began before, at Delia’s knees. She placed a gentle hand on the underside of Delia’s thigh, but before she could place her mouth on her, Delia tugged her leg away. 

‘No, no,’ she smiled, ‘no hands, naughty girl.’ 

Patsy smiled, ‘So sorry darling,’ she sighed as she brought her lips to lightly brush against Delia’s thigh, ‘I hope you can find it within you to forgive my infraction.’ 

‘Oh,’ Delia sighed, arching her back again as Patsy slowly trailed up her thigh before moving to her other leg, ‘I think I’ll have I see how good you are before I make up my mind.’ 

Patsy merely smiled as she featherd her lips over the little brown curls between Delia’s legs before kissing her there, extracting a delightful giggle and sigh from Delia. 

So hands weren’t an option, Patsy thought, but Delia made no protest when Patsy used the tip of her nose to gently nuzzle the soft skin of her hips and belly, and she seemed to rather enjoy when the delicate strands of Patsy's hair gently grazed over her skin as she moved up her body. 

Patsys nose lightly grazed along the underside of Delia’s breasts before her soft lips brushed against the sensitive skin there. Her tongue reached out to lightly lick her nipple before gently blowing there, and Patsy watched as the sensitive bud grew hard, pulling away as Delia arched into her, smiling rather smug at her aching gasps. 

‘Ooh, Pats,’ Delia whined, her body arching towards her before falling back on the bed again and falling still once more. Patsy took that as a sign to continue, and she leaned over and repeated her same motions to Delia’s other breast, making absolutely sure she was as soft and gentle as possible to get the most reaction out of her. 

With another aching cry, Patsy was delighted to see that it worked, and she sat back and watched as Delia arched towards her once more, except this time she rolled all the way over onto her belly with a soft ‘Oof!’ 

Delia giggled, pushing her face into the mattress shyly as she flexed her wrists, opening and closing her hands as she playfully kicked her feet, slamming them back down on the bed. This caught Patsy’s eye and she couldn’t believe she had been kissing along Delia’s body all this time and had somehow managed to neglect her feet. 

Knowing she was still not allowed to use her hands, Patsy leaned down and playfully nibbled at a bit of skin on Delia’s bum, sweetly kissing her there as she trailed her lips down softly, her mouth and nose grazing over the sensitive skin that was the crevice between her bum and thigh, softly and gently kissing her way down, smiling at all the giggles and gasps she was extracting from Delia, her hands flexing as the soft touches tickled her skin. Patsy continued making her way down Delia’s leg with her mouth, kissing her behind her knee, down her calf, kissing the protruding curve in her ankle before her lips finally were able to appreciate those wonderfully curved arches she had grown to love, that turned her on so much for reasons she couldn’t explain. 

Delia was arching her back, pressing her body into the bed and giggling as Patsy sweetly kissed the bottoms of each and every one of her toes. When Patsy was ready to move to the next, Delia lifted her foot for better reach. Patsy gave the foot equal attention and Delia hummed appreciatively as she felt Patsy kiss and lick and nibble her way up her other leg, mirroring her prior motions. She feathered her lips behind Delia’s knee, kissed and licked her way up the back of her thigh, taking time to pay special attention to the underside of her bum, smiling to herself as she made Delia twitch and gasp at her touches. Saliva pooled in Patsy's mouth as the scent of Delia’s arousal hit her nose, but she knew she went allowed to touch her there yet, so she swallowed and forced herself to move on. She grazed her nose over the pale skin of her bum, playfully kissing her there, trailing her lips along her hips and lower back. 

Patsy decided to take a risk and be a little more bold. She pulled away only for a moment to situate herself between Delia’s legs, her arms on either side of her as she pressed her pelvis against her bum and leaned down to kiss the woman tenderly between her shoulders. 

Patsy’s move was well worth the risk, because she heard Delia sigh happily at the sensation, her skin against hers, her warmth, at the feeling of Patsy's weight pushing her into the bed. Delia gave several pleading sighs and Patsy could feel the woman under her flex her hands, her arms struggling to move but it was in vain as Patsy had bound her so well. 

‘Pats,’ Delia sighed, moaning, ‘oh, Pats, I need more of you,’ she whined urgently. 

Patsy continued kissing down her spine as she replied, ‘Whatever could you mean, darling?’ 

‘Hands,’ Delia sighed, pushing her face into the bed, ‘You can use your hands.’ 

‘You mean like this?’ Patsy said, pulling away to sit on her ankles and grasping Delia by the hips, hoisting her up so that her bum was in the air. 

Delia gasped as Patsy was on top of her again, bent over Delia with a strong thigh between her legs, her mouth on her back as her hands reached around to palm her hips and breasts.

‘Ooh,’ Delia whined as Patsy continued caressing her body with her large hands, ‘Oh, yes, I love that, I love that…’ Delia trailed off pressed by her face into the mattress once more as she ground her pussy against Patsy's thigh, ‘oh please don’t stop cariad, please don’t stop, please don’t…’ 

She trailed off as Patsy grabbed hold of her tight, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman as she guided her to sit up, her back against Patsy's front. Patsy kept one arm wrapped around Delia while the other held onto her hip and guided Delia to grind against her thigh. 

‘Oh, Jesus, fuck…,’ Delia choked out as her head fell back, resting on Patsy's shoulder. 

She continued her her moaning, her sighs and whimpers turning to her native Welsh tongue as Patsy continued holding her tight, guiding her to rock on her thigh. Patsy breathed along with her, panting in her ear at the physical exertion, taking a few precious moments to kiss her exposed neck and shoulder. 

‘Mmm, Pats,’ Delia leaned forward as far as she could with Patsy holding her tight, ‘Oh, Pats,’ she cried out desperately, gritting her teeth as Patsy felt her hips quicken their pace, her breathing hitch. 

‘Are you going to come for me darling?’ Patsy breathed out, her arm moving from Delias hip to wrap around her waist to hold her steady. 

‘Oh, fuck, yes, yes, yes…’ Delia cried, ‘oh, Pats, cariad, fuck, please don’t stop…’ her rambling eventually gave way to wanton, aching moans as her body tensed. 

Patsy hugged her tight as Delia gave one last cry and rocked hard, her body wanting to propel forward as she came, but Patsy held on. Delia’s aching cries filled the room as she shook, Patsy's own body pulsing with desire, the need to be touched herself was growing urgent and painful as she felt Delia convulse against her thigh. It was one of the most tender and erotic things she had ever experienced and she selfishly wished she could have come with Delia then, but she knew this was for her, and being the one to make her come, to make her feel this good, this intense pleasure, meant so much to Patsy. 

Delia’s cries eventually died down to sighs, and Patsy felt her grinding cease, her shaking body only slightly quivering in her arms as she came down from such an intense orgasm. 

‘Pats,’ Delia panted, ‘oh, Pats…,’ she leaned forward and Patsy gently let her go, falling forward with her, guiding Delia to lay down on her side. 

‘Everything alright, darling?’ Patsy asked. 

‘Oh, god, yes,’ Delia sighed, still catching her breath, ‘just… untie me now. Please.’ 

Delia flexed her hands for emphasis and Patsy pulled on the dressing gown belt, and in one fell swoop, the belt became undone and Delia was free. The brunette immediately reached up to take off her blindfold and to Patsy's surprise, jumped out of bed and ran out of the room. 

Patsy sat up, a little perplexed at having been left alone all of a sudden on the bed surrounded by pillows and their fluffy duvet as Delia disappeared across the hall into the bathroom. She was able to hear rushing water, and could only assume Delia was… rinsing off? 

‘Sorry,’ Delia said as she appeared in the bedroom, grinning like a madwoman as she ran back over to the bed and pounced on Patsy. The taller woman landed on her back with a shout, her legs in the air as Delia intertwined her limbs with Patsy's, pressing her body against hers, running her fingers through her hair, and kissing her deeply. 

‘I didn’t mean to leave you,’ she breathed between kisses, ‘I just,’ she kissed her again, ‘That was so hot and,’ she kissed Patsy's chin and jaw, ‘oh, fuck, Pats,’ she kissed her collarbone, ‘oh, cariad, I just want to touch you,’ she sighed. 

Patsy closed her eyes and sighed, and couldn’t help the smile that crossed her features as the back of her head hit the sheets, ‘So you went and washed the aloe off your hands?’ 

‘Mmhmm,’ Delia responded, her mouth occupied as she tugged on one of Patsy's nipples. 

‘How considerate of you… ah!’ Patsy said as Delia playfully bit down on the underside of her breast. 

Patsy bit her lip, feeling Delia work her way down her body with her mouth, her hands moving to palm over her sensitive breasts while she kissed along her ribcage and her stomach. Patsy had never remembered feeling so sensitive before, but she mused that all the foreplay and making Delia come like that must have sent all her nerve endings into sensory overload. 

‘You watch that cheeky tone of yours,’ Delia warned playfully, ‘the sun hasn’t even set yet,’ she said, biting at Patsy’s protruding hip bone, ‘I can keep up this teasing all night.’ 

‘Challenge accepted,’ Patsy grinned, not at all minding if Delia wanted to carry on. 

Delia tisked as she pulled at one of Patsy’s nipples with her thumb and forefinger, causing Patsy to arch her back and let out a strangled cry. 

‘I think I’ve had enough of your smart mouth,’ Delia said, crawling back up along the taller woman, ‘I think I liked you better when your mouth was occupied.’ 

Patsy raised a challenging eyebrow up at her, ‘And just what do you plan to do about it, smart girl?’ ’ 

‘Hmm,’ Delia hummed in thought as her eyes drifted to the dressing gown belts that had her bound not too long ago, ‘Well, I suppose I could gag you, but I don’t want to do anything we hadn’t discussed prior.’ 

Patsy gave an appreciative nod. 

‘So, the only option is to do the next best thing.’ 

‘What’s that?’ 

Delia blushed and looked at Patsy demurely for a moment before she moved to untangle herself from Patsy's limbs and hopped off the bed for a moment, walking to the chest of drawers and finding a hair tie. She situated her hair in a messy bun as she joined Patsy on the bed again, walking on her knees towards her before she lifted her leg over Patsy, facing the taller woman’s feet as she straddled her chest. 

Patsy imagined if she had been a cartoon character just then, there would be hearts and stars in her eyes as she watched Delia lower herself onto her face. Patsy situated her arms so that they were under Delia’s thighs, her hands on her hips as she guided Delia’s pussy to her mouth. 

‘There,’ Delia sighed, throwing her head back slightly as she grit her teeth, ‘that ought to shut you up.’ 

Patsy didn’t really care in that moment if she had annoyed Delia by being cheeky. She had a mouthful of her delicious pussy smothering her face and she was absolutely in heaven. She didn’t care that she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t care that her chin and neck were covered in a delightful mixture of her own spit and Delia’s natural juices. It was messy and it was sloppy and it was wonderful and she took huge gasps of air when Delia rocked on her face and then went back to making the woman above her own and cry out as she hungrily lapped at her. 

Patsy felt Delia lean forward and touch her between her own legs, her fingers coating themselves with Patsy's wetness, which she was sure was pooling into the sheets by now. She moaned against Delia as she felt the woman roll her fingers over her sensitive clit, relieved and excited that Delia was finally touching her, her legs falling open to give Delia better access. 

‘Oh, cariad,’ Delia sighed, ‘you’re so wet, so horny for me,’ she said softly as she lay down flush against Patsy. 

Patsy could only moan in response as her mouth was rather full. She sighed as she felt Delia kiss her inner thighs and run a teasing palm over the soft curls between her legs. 

‘How… ah,’ Delia sighed as Patsy continued lapping at her, ‘how badly do you need to come right now, sweetie?’ 

Patsy used her hands to grip Delia’s hips and pull her off her face. 

‘I’ve never needed anything so bad in my entire life!’ she cried out desperately, almost gritting her teeth as she thrusted her hips, aching for contact. 

Delia gave a little chuckle, ‘Alright cariad,’ she said as she stroked Patsy once more with her fingers, ‘You don’t need permission to come this time. You’ve earned it.’ 

‘Oh, thank you,’ Patsy breathed out, relieved, before she guided Delia’s pussy back to her face and continued eating her out. She whimpered only for a moment as she finally felt Delia’s wonderful tongue firmly lap at her, tasting her, rolling over her clit over and over again before gently sucking on the sensitive nerve ending. Hearing Delia moan while she tasted her only made Patsy want more of her, and she unconsciously spread her legs more, her legs bending at the knees so she could push herself up to Delia’s face, giving the smaller woman better access. Meanwhile, Patsy mirrored Delia’s motions with her own mouth and felt Delia tense above her. Patsy thought it rather miraculous, really, as she felt Delia was about to have yet another orgasm, but she was more than happy to realize that the thought of making Delia come again was driving her towards her own powerful orgasm, and with one last stroke of Delia’s wet tongue and gentle pull with her soft lips, she was suddenly there. 

‘Oh, fuck,’ Patsy cried out as she pulled Delia away from her once more, pushing Delia forward so the smaller woman rested on her chest as she came. Her eyes slammed shut, seeing galaxies behind them, as she felt that powerful throb rock her body, her pulse pounding in her ears as those waves of pleasure crashed hard over her, causing her toes to curl and her hips to roll into Delia, over and over again until she couldn’t take it anymore. 

Patsy finally felt her shaking subside, replaced only by small quivers as she felt Delia dismount from on top of her. The brunette turned to face her, and Patsy opened her eyes to see a huge dimple inducing smile on her face. 

‘Hmm?’ Patsy hummed tiredly, looking up at her through heavy eyes. 

‘You just look like a shiny, sloppy mess right now,’ Delia laughed, motioning to Patsy's wet chin and neck with her hand. 

‘There isn’t much in my life that isn’t a big sloppy mess,’ Patsy quipped as she wiped her face off with the bedsheet. She sighed, ‘Suppose we’ll need to wash these again.’ 

‘That can wait,’ Delia said as she fell back against Patsy, tucking her head in the crook of her left shoulder. Patsy automatically wrapped her arm around Delia shoulders and pulled her close. 

‘You didn’t come,’ Patsy said as she nuzzled her nose against Delia’s ear, the woman in her arms giggling in response.

‘I’ve come like four times, Pats!’ 

‘Yeah, but you were close to coming again weren’t you?’ Patsy said as her right hand softly caressed Delia’s stomach, cupping her breasts as she sweetly kissed her shoulder. 

Delia closed her eyes and arched into her touches, ‘I might have been…’ 

‘Mmhmm,’ Patsy hummed as she brought the tips of her two fingers to Delia’s lips, the brunette smiling sleepily before she opened her mouth and lazily let Patsy enter, rolling her tongue over the tips of her fingers, coating them with a layer of spit. 

‘I suppose,’ Delia said as Patsy removed her fingers, ‘we could try…’ 

‘We could…’ Patsy trailed off as her hand wandered down Delia’s body, the smaller woman’s legs falling apart as she gently rolled the tips of her fingers over her clit, smiling slightly at Delia’s little gasp. 

‘Gentle…’ Delia said as she closed her eyes, her body turning slightly towards Patsy. 

‘Gentle,’ Patsy repeated softly, her grip around Delia’s shoulders tightening slightly as her lips sought Delia’s and the two kissed while Patsy stroked her, soft and slow. 

Delia’s breathing turned to whimpering as she opened her mouth and allowed for Patsy's tongue to lick her lips, to enter her mouth and gently press her tongue against hers. She sighed as Patsy gently licked her bottom lip before tugging on it teasingly, and Delia reached up a hand to hold Patsy's head in place. Patsy felt her mimic her kissing, and smiled slightly, feeling happy that Delia wanted to keep kissing her like this as she held her in her arms. 

Patsy had to focus hard to keep her fingers at this slow and steady pace, to not increase her pressure or rhythm as Delia began panting against her mouth, her chest heaving as she took in large breaths of air. Patsy knew she was close again and she felt her body tense in her arms once more, and before she knew it, with a soft little squeak that was the cutest sound in the world, as far as Patsy was concerned, Delia let out a huge breath of air that she had been holding as she quivered once more in Patsys arms. 

Patsy pulled her hand away and caressed Delia’s hips and thighs as the smaller woman breathed, raking her fingers through her hair as she came down from her fifth orgasm that afternoon. 

‘Mm,’ Delia moaned as she brought Patsy to her for another kiss, ‘I liked that one the best.’ 

‘You did?’ Patsy asked with a goofy smirk, ‘but it was little.’ 

‘So?’ Delia pulled away slightly so she could look at Patsy, ‘I liked it because you were holding and kissing me.’ 

Patsy blushed, suddenly overcome with affection at Delia’s words as she shyly tucked her head into the crook of the smaller woman shoulder, wrapping her arms around her tight. 

Delia merely giggled at how cute Patsy was being, and wrapped her arms around her head, ‘Did you like it, too?’ 

Patsy merely nodded, her heart beating in her chest frantically, feeling as if it was swelling, wanting to burst with love and affection for the woman in her arms, and it was so overwhelming that she had absolutely no way to articulate how she was feeling, so she remained silent and hugged Delia tight. 

‘Do you think it’s sweet, Pats?’ 

Patsy nodded. 

‘I think so too,’ Delia said, twirling her fingers around a strand of Patsy's hair, ‘and I bet you like being able to hold your girl while you make her come, hmm?’ 

Patsy pulled away and grinned, ‘And I bet you like being held by your Pats while she makes you come.’ 

Delia smiled and sweetly nuzzled her nose against Patsy's, ‘It’s becoming one of my most favorite things in the whole world.’ 

There were a lot of moments that day that had made Patsy feel happy, but this one surpassed them all. 

She pulled Delia tight and closed her eyes, kissing the smaller woman as she giggled in her arms, the two of them feeling quite giddy as they kissed and entangled their legs. 

The two women pulled away from one another as a loud rumbling from someone’s stomach interrupted their moment. 

‘I think we should move to the kitchen,’ Delia said with a sigh. 

‘You’re right,’ Patsy sighed, ‘We haven’t fucked in there, yet.’ 

‘I meant for supper you cheeky-!’ Delia playfully swatted at a giggling Patsy, the two women giving one last tight embrace before they disentangled themselves and got up off the bed. 

The two picked up their clothes off the floor and dressed solely for warmth as they made their way to the kitchen, Delia whipping up something quick for them to refuel as Patsy took a seat at the kitchen table. They chatted as Delia stirred some sauce for pasta and the two of them talked about the coming week, discussing the logistics of just how they were going to interact with each other once they returned to work, and making plans to spend time together over the upcoming weekend. 

After dinner was eaten and dishes were washed, the two shared a nice long shower where they washed each other’s hair and scrubbed down. They lay around for a bit in their fluffy towels and cuddled and talked some more before they grew cold and decided to dress and spend their last evening together in each other’s arms watching a movie from the large collection on the lounge. 

Before they could commence with their plans, Delia decided to allow Patsy one last special treat for the evening as she leaned over the kitchen table and teasingly pulled down her tracksuit bottoms, allowing Patsy to finally fuck her with her fingers that evening for being such a good girl. Her pride wouldn’t have been able to take not properly fucking in every room in the house before they left on the morning.

* * *

The next morning the two woke earlier than they had set their alarms for, both feeling a mixture of excitement and anxiousness to get started with their trip and get back home, though it was mixed with a bit of sadness that they were leaving this place. 

Delia cooked the two of them a bit of breakfast and packed some snacks for the road as Patsy ran the sheets through the wash and did a once over to tidy up the small house one last time. The two dressed, Delia finding it funny that they both decided to wear the same clothes they arrived in, and packed their bags, taking a break to sit and have a bit of tea while they waited for the sheets to finish in the dryer. 

Delia sweetly left a thank-you note to whomever owned the house while Patsy left a bit of cash on the kitchen table as a way to repay them for the food and petrol. She could only shake her head, thinking there was no way to repay whomever owned the house for all that she and Delia had experienced here together in the short amount of time they had been stuck here. 

Patsy grabbed their bags and threw them in the boot, then started the car, letting it sit idle to warm up for their long journey.

As Patsy was about to make her way back into the house, she paused on the front step of the porch as Delia emerged from the house and closed the door behind her. 

‘Ready?’ 

‘I was going to dress the bed,’ Patsy started, and Delia smiled. 

‘I did it,’ she said, ‘took out the rubbish, too.’ 

‘You didn’t have…’ Patsy stopped talking at the warningly look Delia was giving her, ‘I mean thank you,’ she added quickly. 

‘That’s what I thought,’ Delia said smug and walked the few paces along the porch to meet Patsy.

She paused and took a moment to fuss with Patsy's uneven scarf, tucking it into the taller woman’s coat as she shivered from the cold slightly. 

‘So, are we ready?’ she asked, her breath coming out in white puffs around her head. 

Patsy smiled slightly and removed her scarf, throwing it over Delia’s shoulders and wrapping it snug around her neck. 

‘I think so,’ Patsy replied. 

Delia winked, ‘Thanks, angel.’ 

Patsy grinned as she and Delia walked to the car, pausing only for a moment as she opened the passengers side door for Delia. 

Delia gave a shy smile at the gesture and sweetly kissed Patsy before she climbed in. 

Patsy shut the door behind her, marveling to herself that the last time they were in this car together they had been fighting, and now… now everything had changed. 

With one last resounding sigh, she got behind the wheel and settled in, the two women pausing, looking at the small house one last time before Patsy shifted the car into gear, and they took off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little NSFW [doodle.](https://www.deviantart.com/nowseehere/art/Break-9-762901381?ga_submit_new=10%3A1536281339)
> 
> Alright. I can't be the only person out there reading this who has had one magical weekend or two spent with a romantic interest just fucking the whole time, yeah? That's kind of what I wanted to portray here. They're new with each other and can't keep their hands off one another, but now they're on their way back to London and to the real world again. Patsy and Delia talked about some things they would do together to try and help Patsy keep her current feel good trajectory (and hey, look! Therapy was included, yay!). Let's see if they can keep the trend going and not get into any angst over their newfound relationship! Fingers crossed!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls are back in London and adjusting to their new lives _after the cabin_. Patsy starts making proactive changes at work and she and Delia overcome a few more growing pains as they move along in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Socks play a very important role in Patsy's life now. That is all.

It was Saturday night.

Patsy lay on her lounge floor alone, with the exception of George, of course, slowly smoking a cigarette as she listened to her new record, staring at the blank white ceiling and recalling the events of the last few days.

Patsy placed the cigarette in her mouth and pulled in the hot smoke, releasing it in a fine white line that swirled above her head. She watched as the smoke vanished and narrowed her eyes, feeling annoyed. Angry. Frustrated. With herself mostly, of course. It was her own poor behavior that had gotten her here.

She and Delia had had a fight the night before.

Patsy knew it was all her fault too. She was dragging her feet and being stubborn and she completely deserved this punishment.

Ignored. That’s what it was. She was being ignored. No talking, no seeing one another, no texting. Not until she came to her senses, as Delia put it.

Well, Patsy had been alone for so much of her life that she could handle a few days away without talking to anyone. She had George and her music to keep her company anyway.

She didn’t need anyone, she reasoned to herself as she took another long drag of her cigarette. She liked the quiet. She liked not having to answer to anyone, to not be bothered to talk about things she didn’t really want to talk about. Delia had been getting on her nerves anyway, always asking the same questions every day.

When will you call? When are you going to do it? When are you going to take care of this?

Patsy exhaled her smoke in a long thin line that disappeared above her head again, making a dissatisfied grunt.

She was used to being alone.

She was not used to being in a relationship, if that’s what this was. She wasn’t used to having to consider someone else’s feelings. She wasn’t used to having someone care enough about her to want her to fulfilll the promises she had made to herself. To hold her accountable when it came to matters about her personal life. Her well being.

Patsy grumbled, her consternation growing, an unsettling feeling weighing heavy in her chest as she thought over their spat the night before. There was really only one way to fix this and she really didn’t want to do it. She was being foolish, and she knew it.

This all started the day after they had returned from Scotland, a little over a week ago now, and continued on each day thereafter, Delia always asking if she had done any research, reached out to anyone, made any appointments.

Of course Patsy hadn’t. She didn’t want to. She wanted to get back to work and take baby steps to make those changes that she needed to make. Which she had.

The evening they returned, Patsy had dropped Delia off at her flat, both of them making a rule not to talk or text that evening, recognizing that time apart was important. It was tough, of course, as Patsy had grown to quite like falling asleep and waking up with Delia next to her, but deep down she knew they both needed to take care of some things. Delia wanted to catch up with her friends and flatmates and Patsy had some things to take care of on her own, which she started as soon as she returned the car back to the clinic.

She hadn’t intended to speak with Phyllis that night, but it was all too opportune when she happened to catch the woman as she was leaving the office for the evening. Patsy walked in only to return the keys, but they found themselves the only two in the office as Phyllis was making her rounds, locking up and making sure everything was set for the next day.

‘I know it’s been a long day for you,’ Patsy started, ‘we can certainly wait until tomorrow?’

‘Nonsense,’ Phyllis replied, ‘everyone is gone for the day anyway. What better time to talk than now, hmm? No interruptions.’

So the two settled into Phyllis’ office and Patsy paced the room, one hand on her hip as the other found its way to her mouth and she chewed on a cuticle. She had all day in the car to think about what she wanted to say and now that the moment was upon her she had no idea how to start.

‘Patsy.’

Patsy turned her head towards Phyllis as she was caught off guard by the pleading tone in the woman’s’ voice with a gaze to match.

‘What is it, kid?’

Patsy swallowed a lump in her throat and stopped her pacing, Phyllis’ caring gaze having her feeling completely disarmed. She felt she could be really honest with the woman, so Patsy took a deep breath and did just that.

‘Phyllis, I’m stressed out,’ Patsy paused for a moment to consider her words, ‘This, um… this impromptu trip has kind of made me realize that I need to take better care of myself, and I just…,’ she trailed off and shrugged shyly, ‘I was wondering if we could sit down soon and go over my schedule, maybe make it so I have a few days off every month to just decompress and, I don’t know, recharge my batteries,’ she said scratching her head, ‘I feel like a lot of the time I’m running on fumes, and while I think I’m able to hold everything together professionally, it’s devastated my personal life and I just need to start taking time for myself to find that balance again…’ Patsy trailed off, looking to Phyllis nervously as she gauged her reaction.

Phyllis took an audible sigh of relief and Patsy watched curiously as the senior nurse physically relaxed where she sat.

‘Oh, is that all?’ She asked, ‘I was afraid you were going to quit.’

Patsy shook her head with a smirk, ‘Phyllis, I love this job. I assure you I’m not quitting and have never thought to do so, it’s just…’ Patsy shrugged, ‘I just need more time for myself. I need more breaks.’

Phyllis nodded, smiling slightly as she sat back in her chair.

‘Breaks, hmm? So what kind of schedule change were you thinking?’

Patsy shrugged, ‘I haven’t taken a vacation in almost two years. I think I have enough leave saved up to take off every other Friday.’

‘So that’s what you want? A three day weekend every other week?’

‘If it’s doable, yes. If you don’t think the clinic would suffer in my absence every other week.’

Phyllis nodded and leaned against her desk, resting on her elbows as she interlocked her fingers, ‘Patsy, I’m more than happy to accommodate you, it’s just,’ she looked up in thought, ‘I’m just concerned with who is going to cover for you when you do take these days off?’

‘I thought you might bring that up,’ Patsy said as she began her pacing again, though this time she was all business as she spoke, ‘so with your approval I was thinking I could take on one of the other nurses.’

‘Hallelujah,’ Phyllis griped as she sat back in her chair.

Patsy playfully rolled her eyes as Phyllis’ reaction, ‘Trixie seems to be stretched a bit thin mentoring the other three. Looking after them and getting on with her own work seems to be affecting her performance.’

‘So I’ve noticed,’ Phyllis added with a nod.

‘Not that she’s neglecting her patients, mind, but she could spare some attention to her administrative duties. And I don’t like how laxidasical she’s been with her training, though that’s partially my fault for not taking it on myself,’ Patsy gave a resounding sigh with her hands on her hips, ‘In any case, if I’m to take any time off I want her to be the one to take over for me when I’m out. Faults aside she’s an outstanding nurse and midwife. Better than me, I reckon.’

‘You both have your strengths,’ Phyllis interjected, but Patsy waved her off.

‘So if I’m to lighten Trixies load a little, who do you think I should take on?’ Patsy asked.

Phyllis shrugged, ‘I suppose that depends on who you think needs the most help.’

Patsy nodded, a little unwilling to admit that she had no interest before in paying attention to the other nurses individual performance, though she wasn’t completely blind.

‘I feel like both Val and Lucille are strong nurses in their own right. I want to keep them together as a team because from what I observed they play off each other well.’

‘I agree,’ Phyllis nodded.

‘So that really leaves Barbara, who honestly is a good nurse and very much liked by the patients…’ Patsy trailed off, recalling the last time she had an interaction about Barbara it was over the woman’s shoddy skills when it came to cleaning the instruments properly, and cleaning things properly was a strength Patsy flourished in.

‘I think Barbara would do well to be under your charge, Patsy,’ Phyllis said, ‘I agree with you she is a very good midwife and is well respected and liked by the patients…’ she trailed off, her hand rubbing her chin as she searched for the words, ‘it’s just that I think some of her skills could use a little tweaking.’

‘My thoughts exactly,’ Patsy nodded.

‘Trixie won't be happy,’ Phyllis warned.

Patsy shrugged, ‘I’ll talk to her. Besides, it’s because they’re so chummy with one another that that’s the reason why Trixie lets Barbara slide with a lot of her responsibilities. It’ll be best for both of them in the end, I think.’

Phyllis sighed, ‘I suppose you’re right.’

The clock on the wall chimed, alerting the two in the room that it was 8pm.

‘I’ve kept you long enough, Phyllis,’ Patsy said, ‘this was all I really wanted to discuss for now anyway.’

Phyllis nodded, ‘I’m glad you did. I’ll have Barbara and Trixie in here first thing to go over what we discussed, and then you and I can go more in depth into your schedule change.’

Patsy smiled, ‘Thanks Phyllis. I appreciate that.’

‘You go on ahead,’ Phyllis said, waiving Patsy off, ‘I have one or two things left to tidy up and I’ll be out for the night.’

Patsy gave a resounding nod and reached for the door. Before she could head out, Phyllis called back to her.

‘How is Delia, by the way?’ Phyllis asked, and Patsy felt her heart jump in her throat at the mention of the smaller woman’s name, ‘Are you sure she isn’t too thrown off by this whole endeavor from working here? I’d hate to think she thinks any of this is normal.’

‘She’s fine,’ Patsy said quickly, ‘I saw her home and she’s happy to be back,’ she continued with as little emotion as possible, not wanting to give anything away, ‘says she’s looking forward to getting back to work and back to the regular schedule, much like myself.’

‘Well that’s good to hear, and… Patsy,’ Phyllis said, giving her a once over yet again, ‘you do look good, you know,’ she said, observing the redhead as she stood in the doorway, ‘you’ve got some color in your cheeks and you look well rested.’

Patsy half smiled, feeling a little shy all of a sudden, ‘Oh, um, thanks. Suppose I got more sleep than I’m used to while we were stuck up there.’

‘I’m glad,’ Phyllis smiled warmly at Patsy, and with that the two bid each other a good night.

* * *

The next morning, Patsy found herself in Phyllis office after a rather challenging nights sleep without Delia there, and George almost insufferably at her side the entire night as she slept, but she had honestly missed her little man and allowed for him to be as cuddly as he wanted.

Back in freshly pressed scrubs with her hair professionally pinned back, Patsy was joined that morning by Tixie and Barbara, the blonde standing on the opposite side of the room, glaring angrily at Patsy with her arms crossed, while Barbara sat between them nearly in tears.

‘I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong,’ Barbara said as she nervously fussed with her hands in her lap.

‘Barbara, for the last time this isn’t a punishment,’ Phyllis sighed, almost exasperated, as it still wasn't clicking with the junior nurse that this was merely a change in management for her.

‘Don’t worry sweetie, we’ll still be working together,’ Trixie cooed, sitting in the chair next to Barbara and placing a comforting hand over hers, ‘you’ll just report to Patsy from now on. She’ll be the one giving you your reviews and training.’

‘But she’s so mean,’ Barbara leaned over and whispered just loud enough for Patsy to hear.

The redhead closed her eyes so no one could see her roll them to the back of her head. She was beginning to feel as if she were in a custody battle instead of a staff meeting.

‘Barbara,’ Patsy started softly, placing her hands in her hips as she looked at the two women sitting across from Phyllis, ‘Trixie has enough on her plate training the three of you along with her other duties. This is to help her more than it is a reflection on your work, though Phyllis and I believe you could stand some refresher training sessions alongside Delia a few times a week.’

Patsy looked to Phyllis for confirmation and the senior nurse nodded in agreement.

‘In any case, Trixie is right, almost nothing is going to change.’

Barbara gave a defeated sigh, ‘Well, I suppose it’ll be alright if Delia is there too…’

Patsy raised an eyebrow. Had Delia and Barbara already become friends in the short time Delia had been working there? She briefly wondered if she was friends with everyone else, and wondered about anything else she had missed out on when she wasn’t blatantly ignoring or caring about anyone else’s feelings.

‘Go have your tea and start your rounds, kid,’ Phyllis said, ‘I need to talk to these two alone.’

Barbara nodded, and with a rather sad shuffle, made her way out of the office and closed the door behind her.

Trixie crossed her arms where she sat as seethed at Patsy, ‘Still don’t see why you couldn’t have taken one of the others,’ she spat.

Patsy shrugged, ‘What difference does it make to you? You said so yourself you’re still going to be working alongside one another.’

‘But I like Barbara! I like being her supervisor,’ Trixie whined.

‘Oh so you don’t like Valerie and Lucille?’ Patsy challenged smartly with a smirk.

‘I didn’t say that!’ Trixie huffed, ‘Barbara is just my favorite,’ she mumbled, looking away and shrugging slightly, ‘what’s with this sudden change anyway? I thought you didn’t want to train or work with anyone ever?’

Patsy stuck her hands in her pockets and shrugged, ‘Had a change of heart.’

Trixie narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

‘Besides, you know Barbara has the potential to become a great nurse and midwife. She just needs a little extra care with her training is all, and I know your workload is too much at the moment to see her reach that potential.’

‘I just don’t know why you’re so invested, honestly. You never cared before,’ Trixie said, still eyeing Patsy.

Patsy faltered, not quite sure what to say, but thankfully Phyllis spoke up, taking her usual power stance behind her desk of elbows on table with her hands clasped together.

‘Nurse Mounts absence these last few days has been a real eye opener here for us at the clinic, wouldn’t you say?’ Phyllis asked hypothetically, eyeing Trixie.

Trixie blinked, her cheeks flushing slightly as she uncrossed her arms.

‘Now, this isn’t to say we wouldn’t have been able to eventually carry on without her and Nurse Busby,’ Phyllis continued, ‘but it was very challenging for our team to get on without the two of them, and they were only gone four work days!’

Patsy watched as Trixie bashfully nodded, and Patsy raised a curious eyebrow, wondering just what kind of chaos happened here while she and Delia were away.

‘We need to be able to operate around here more smoothly, like clockwork, without the presence of Nurse Mount or Nurse Busby, or anyone else for that matter who suddenly needs to take off for whatever reason.’

The two women watched as Phyllis sat back in her chair with its signature squeak.

‘Trixie, you and Nurse Mount are the best nurses I have here. Best nurses I’ve ever worked with, I daresay. Valerie and Lucille are coming up well right behind you, both strong nurses in their own right. I feel leaving them in your charge won’t be as difficult knowing that they will need little oversight so you can focus on your duties.’

‘So what, are you saying I’m rubbish at training? Is that what this is all about?’ Trixie pouted.

‘No, she’s not saying that and for the record, I was the one who suggested it,’ Patsy interjected, ‘besides, we all know Barbara could use a bit more attention when it comes to developing her professional skills and Phyllis has been begging me to take on more training responsibilities for months now,’ Patsy shrugged, ‘I feel like this isn’t only more fair to you, but it’ll take the load off everyone all around once she and Delia are up to speed and can work on their own.’

Trixie still didn’t look pleased, but pursed her lips as nodded.

‘In any event,’ Phyllis continued, ‘we could all stand to be better professionally, one way or another,’ she said, eyeing Patsy before she turned her attention back to Trixie, ‘and we will not always be able to rely on Nurse Mounts presence here, because we should anticipate her taking time off every now and again in the foreseeable future, Trixie. Time off that she has earned and deserves.’

Trixie raised an eyebrow, looking as if she didn’t quite understand but chose not to question it.

The phone on Phyllis’ desk rang noisily, interrupting the quiet atmosphere in the room.

‘I think we’re all done here for now,’ Phyllis said as she let the phone ring, ‘you two get on with your rounds.’

Trixie and Patsy nodded and headed for the door, Phyllis finally picking up the phone, ceasing the annoying ring

‘Oh, Patsy,’

Patsy turned to look back at Phyllis.

‘It really is good to have you back, kid,’ Phyllis finished as she brought the phone to her ear and carried on her conversation.

Patsy couldn’t help but smile as she left the office and closed the door behind her. She paused as she found Trixie standing beside her, looking right at her.

‘I’m still not happy about this,’ Trixie moped, ‘I mean, I’m coming around to the idea, but I’m still not happy about it.’

‘Trix, really, what do you think is going to happen?’

‘Just don’t blow up at my precious angel, OK?’ Trixie asked, ‘she’s clumsy. I don’t think she could take being hollered at without breaking down crying.

‘Patience is literally my name,’ Patsy said with a cheeky smile.

‘Oh, like you ever live up to it. You blow at the drop of a hat… or of tea spilling in your office, if I remember clearly from the last time the whole staff heard you laying into poor Delia.’

Patsy sighed, her heart sinking with regret at the memory.

‘In any case, just be good to my Barbara. She’s an innocent.’

‘ _Your_ Barbara?’ Patsy repeated incredulously with a raised eyebrow.

‘No seriously,’ Trixie continued, ‘she’s pure as the driven snow.’

Patsy sighed thinking she could do without the imagery of snow after looking at so much of it over the last few days.

‘Val once asked her what the dirtiest thing she’s ever done with a man was, and she said gardening.’

Patsy stifled a laugh, ‘Oh my.’

‘I know! And when Val clarified and asked what was the dirtiest thing she had done in bed, she said eat an entire bag of Doritos with her friends at a slumber party once.’

Patsy sighed, ‘Trix, first of all, do you really think I’m the type of person to tell crude jokes to a coworker in a professional environment?’

Trixie rocked her head back and forth, considering Patsys words.

‘And even if I did, it seems like it would all go over her head anyway.’

‘Yes, I know but her innocent little ears can only handle so much swearing before she starts crying.’

Patsy brought a hand to her face and sighed, ‘Trixie, listen, I'll be on my best behavior, alright?’

‘You will?’ Trixie

‘Yes,’ Patsy sighed, hoping she could live up to this promise, ‘no yelling or swearing… unless I have a really good reason, but then if Barbara is as sweet and innocent as you say she is I don’t think any of it will be directed at her.’

Patsys attention was suddenly pulled from Trixie as a familiar looking brunette walked by the two of them, cheerily whistling as she carried with her two steaming cups of tea. Patsys heart skipped a beat seeing the woman she had spent such a passionate weekend with walk by, her hair swaying back and forth in its neat ponytail. Her scrubs were baggy as ever and Patsy was annoyed that the ill fitting clothing did nothing to deter her attraction from the smaller woman now that she knew what kind of body she had under all those clothes.

‘Morning Nurse Franklin!’ Delia said as she walked by, not bothering to stop or address Patsy in the slightest, which didn’t bother the redhead at all. In fact, she needed to try very hard to hide her smile.

‘Morning, Delia,’ Trixie replied after her cheerily before returning her gaze to Patsy, ‘phew, you must have buggered up with her big time for her to walk by without even so much as a good morning to you.’

Patsy merely shrugged, ‘Hey, I’d get sick of me too if I was stuck in a cabin with just myself for five days.’

Trixie smirked as the two of them looked at Delia’s retreating form. She headed into Patsy's office and closed the door behind her.

‘I suppose it can’t be all bad if she’s made you a cuppa.’

‘Don’t be fooled, she’s probably made both of them for herself,’ Patsy said with a smile and had Trixie eyeing her with her own growing smile.

The blonde woman sighed, ‘You know, Pats, maybe you being away wasn’t such a bad thing after all,’ she gave Patsy a once over, ‘whatever it is you’re doing to keep you telling jokes and being all positive at work here, you just keep on doing it, alright?’

Patsy blushed and cleared her throat.

‘Right, well, I best be on to see what Delia needs…’ she trailed off as she turned and headed to her office, leaving Trixie to walk in the opposite direction toward the break room, mumbling about how much she needed her own cuppa right about now.

As Patsy reached the door to her office, she gave a quick look around to make sure no one was nearby before she opened the door. She found Delia sitting in the chair next to her desk, her back to Patsy.

Patsy closed the door behind her and made her way to stand in front of Delia, leaning against the wall as her hands found their way back in her pockets.

Delia said nothing. She simply sipped her tea and took her time looking at Patsy, a slight smile on her features.

The last instructions Patsy had heard from Delia when they parted the night before were no contact. No texting. No talking. Also no touching, though that didn’t have to be said while they were here at work, so Patsy kept her distance and kept still with her back against the wall. Merely being in one another’s presence, however, wasn’t discussed, and Delia was the one to come into her office and sit down after all. Patsy could only presume that she was allowed to at least be near her and look at her.

‘Hi,’ Delia finally mouthed.

Patsy grinned, feeling butterflies fluttering frantically in her chest as she silently mouthed back ‘Hi.’

Delia smiled back and took a moment to sip her tea. Patsy didn’t care how long she took, she was happy to just lay eyes on the woman again, to be in the same room.

‘You did a good job following all my rules, cariad,’ Delia said in a quiet whisper.

‘It was very challenging, I assure you,’ Patsy replied in the same quiet tone, thinking back to how she tossed and turned the night before so desperately wanting to do something as simple as text Delia a good night message, let alone hear her voice or beg her to come over and hold her until she slept. She ended up leaving her phone in the kitchen so she wouldn’t be tempted to look at it in the middle of the night.

Delia nodded in understanding as she placed her tea back down on the desk. Patsys heartbeat quickened in anticipation as she watched Delia reach into her pocket and pull out something she was hiding in her closed fist. With her other hand, Delia hooked her finger, beckoning Patsy to come forward.

‘Good girls get special treats for following the rules,’ Delia whispered, barely audible.

Patsy smiled and took the step needed to be closer to Delia, the brunette taking Patsy's hand in hers and placing the special item in her hand.

Patsy opened her hand to reveal one small, blue sock.

A slow smile spread across Patsy’s face as she looked down at the sock in her hand. She looked back at Delia who was now looking away, merely sipping her tea but there was an unmistakable blush feathered across her cheeks as she tried to hide her own happy smile.

Patsy looked back down at the sock in her hand. She tried not to smile as she bit her lip and tenderly stroked her thumb against the soft fabric. She handled it with care, as if it was something to be treasured. Slowly, she brought the sock to her face, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. The gentle scent of Delia’s skin and sweat emanated from the soft blue fabric and it triggered several pleasant memories from their time together and a wave of desire rocked her body, so much that she needed to take a step back and lean herself against the wall again to remain upright.

‘That’s yours to hold onto for today,’ Delia said as she rose from her seat.

‘It would be my pleasure, darling,’ Patsy whispered as she pocketed the sock.

She so desperately wanted to grab Delia and kiss her, it was almost overwhelming how badly she needed to touch the woman in front of her and it looked as if Delia was feeling the same way, judging by the hungry look she was giving Patsy in that moment.

Neither dared reach out to one another, and with a shaky breath, Delia was the first to move, turning and walking to the front of Patsy's desk.

‘So,’ she said in her normal voice, her eyes scanning the contents of Patsy’s desk, which was uncharacteristically littered with files, ‘where do we start?’

Patsy sighed, blinking away her arousal as she willed herself to come back down to earth and be professional once more.

She pulled out her chair, the wheels squeaking noisily against the floor.

‘How do you feel about visiting the patients on your own this morning?’ she asked as she sat down and moved to boot up her computer.

‘Really?’ Delia stood up straight, looking a little surprised, ‘you want me to do it all by myself?’

‘You can do it,’ Patsy smiled, ‘besides, we’ll get through all this faster if we split up. I know Trixie is out there too if you really need some help, but otherwise just come and get me if you need a hand.’

Delia waited as Patsy rose from her seat and walked to her files, flipping through them before retrieving the right one.

‘Diana Marshall should be first on your list,’ Patsy said, handing Delia the file, ‘I think she’s due for a few immunizations, so just be sure to read over what she needs closely.’

Delia took the file with a bit of trepidation, and Patsy could sense her hesitancy.

‘Deels,’ Patsy smiled reassuringly, ‘you’ve got this.’

Delia nodded and took a look at the file, ‘Oh dear, 2 years old,’ she commented as she shut the file.

‘What’s wrong with that?’ Patsy asked curiously.

‘Oh, nothing, I just hate making babies cry, which I know will happen if she’s due for an immunization,’ Delia sighed sadly as she made her way out of the office.

‘Barbara knows where the lollies are,’ Patsy suggested helpfully.

‘Ooh, thanks, I’m going to need a treat after this one,’ she winked as she shut the door behind her.

Patsy merely chuckled and shook her head at Delia’s silly comment, feeling a little relieved, honestly, that they were able to carry on as normal after everything that had transpired between them over the last few days.

With her computer still humming to life, Patsy sat down and turned her office chair around to face the wall as she pulled out Delia’s sock once more. She brought the soft fabric to her nose again, taking in one long breath of air, her mouth immediately watering at the thought of those perfect little toes in her mouth. She didn’t know when she and Delia would be alone together again, but it was enough knowing that she was close to her again, that she could go and look at her with her own eyes when she wanted while she was here.

Soon, Patsy pocketed the sock and turned back around to face the mountain of files on her desk, and got to work.

* * *

The rest of the day carried on without much incident, as did the following two.

Delia had found out about training with Barbara and was very pleased that Patsy was stepping up her role as mentor, and knowing this made Patsy all the more determined to train the both of them well and keep her patience as she was instructing them, holding her tongue when Delia didn’t get something just quite right after the third time or when Barbara displayed her characteristic clumsiness that Trixie had warned her about. Patsy was also subtle thankful that Barbara was there to train with Delia to keep the two of the from getting too distracted.

Patsy also made an effort to slow down and write in print legibly so the others could read her writing. Before she wouldn’t had bothered, but she was noticing that slowing down and making these subtle changes was helping the office run more smooth and actually saving time for her and the others in the end.

By early the following week, Patsy was starting to notice that she and the others were consistently getting out of the clinic on time, which made everyone happier.

With her efforts to push training and to just generally have a better attitude at work, Patsy noticed that the entire environment seemed lighter. Less toxic. More fun. She and Phyllis had not fallen into their old habits of quarreling or shouting at one of the poor nurses like they had done in the past, and as a result, Patsy was hearing a lot more chatting and laughter.

Patsy had a sneaking suspicion that Delia had been doing little things to keep her anxiety and temper from flaring. Along with Delia sweetly bringing her a cup of tea every morning, she had also prepared their lunches as she had promised, which they spent their Sunday making together in Patsy’s flat, or rather, Delia prepared while Patsy drank wine alongside her and tried not to be caught eating all the cheese. So while thinking about what she was going to eat for lunch was one less thing she needed to worry about now, she also noticed that the break room was always meticulously clean whenever she walked in, which she appreciated and kept her from growing annoyed with the others, who would usually leave it in such a state that would bother Patsy enough for her to drop what she had been doing and clean up after them.

Patsy thought that Delia may have either been cleaning the room herself or had had a sweet chat with the others to start picking up after themselves more. Either way, it did not go unnoticed by Patsy, and she was grateful for it.

As the days carried on, Patsy knew there were still some things she needed to tick off her personal self improvement list, and Delia was around each and every day to remind her of what she had yet to accomplish. Namely exercising every day and reaching out to see a therapist. While she wouldn’t harp on Patsy about it, it still drove Patsy crazy, especially since these were the two things on her list that she least wanted to do.

She was able to catch a break one afternoon, feeling rather grumpy as she narrowly avoided being asked yet again by Delia if she had called to see a therapist. She had been pushing it off, because quite frankly old habits were hard to break. Talk to someone about her feelings? Didn’t sound like a great way to spend an hour with a stranger, she reckoned. She knew these thoughts were wrong and she knew she would do it eventually, albeit begrudgingly, but she just wasn’t ready to take that step. Not yet.

Patsy made some excuse again to Delia about researching someone during lunch before she snuck outside for a cigarette, finding a bundled up Valerie and Trixie also in the alley, chatting with one another as they smoked their own cigarettes.

‘’lo Patsy,’ Valerie called happily, ‘Alright?’

Patsy nodded as she walked over to join them, pulling her pack out of her pocket.

‘Oh, you dropped something there Pats,’ Trixie said.

Patsy looked down to see a familiar looking blue sock on the ground. Much to Patsy's delight, Delia had taken up running every morning before work and had treated her to holding her freshly used sock for the remainder of the day, to which Patsy would hide in her office and smell Delia’s scent or tuck her hand in her pocket to feel with her fingers to calm herself if she was feeling stressed.

But in this moment, she was feeling more terrified than delighted as she quickly snatched up the sock from the ground.

‘What is that, a sock?’ Valerie asked with a teasing smile, ‘Is Patsy a free elf?’

‘Ah, yeah,’ Patsy said with a tense laugh as she shoved it back in her pocket quickly, ‘someone left it in an exam room. Must have forgotten to put it in the lost and found. You got a light?’ she said, changing the subject.

Trixie flicked her lighter to life and held it out to Patsy, who sucked on her cigarette until it caught.

‘Cheers,’ she mumbled as she smoked, hoping the sock was forgotten.

‘Val here was just telling me that she’s taking dancing lessons,’ Trixie said.

‘Oi,’ Valerie quipped, ‘I’m not _taking_ them, I’m just covering for my aunt for a few nights. She teaches ballet, so more than likely I’ll be overseeing a bunch of four year olds in leotards running around in circles for an hour.’

‘Well that still sounds like it could be fun,’ Patsy commented encouragingly.

‘You want to come and join me?’ Valerie asked hopefully, ‘would be much more tolerable with another adult to help.’

‘Right like I don’t get my fill of screaming children here at my actual job,’ Patsy quipped, and Valerie sighed dejectedly.

‘Sounds a lot more exciting than the aerobics class I teach,’ Trixie chimed in.

‘You teach aerobics class?’ Patsy asked, wide eyed.

‘Why the tone of surprise?’ Trixie remarked, her hand on her hip.

‘No reason, just didn’t take you for the type to be, um,’ she faltered slightly as Trixie blew out a thick line of cigarette smoke, ‘particularly into physical fitness.’

‘Well unlike Valerie I actually like a decent excuse to wear a leotard,’ she remarked blithely.

Valerie rolled her eyes and took a drag of her own cigarette.

‘Besides, the class is so early in the day that it’s mostly older folks who sign up for it. I hardly break a sweat most days, which is perfectly fine for me.’

‘Ah,’ Patsy said in understanding.

‘You should come and join me!’ Trixie said excitedly with a wide smile, ‘I’ve already got Barbara on board attending the classes. Says it helps her improve her coordination.’

Patsy looked at Trixie incredulously as she sucked on her cigarette.

‘Oh don’t give me that look. At least I’m doing something that gets me moving.’

‘Suppose that’s true,’ Patsy mumbled.

‘Do you work out Patsy?’ Valerie asked.

‘Um, I’m actually trying to get into the habit, yeah.’

‘Oh?’ Trixie said, suddenly interested, ‘what have you been doing?’

‘Oh, this and that,’ Patsy looked up in thought, subtly fingering the sock in her pocket and willing herself not to mention the copious amounts of sex she had been having on a near daily basis since the two of them had gotten back to London.

‘I suppose it kind of just started when Delia and I were stuck in that cabin. Had to carry her when she sprained her ankle and then I spent a few days cleaning the place from top to bottom and shoveling a ton of snow,’ she took a drag of her cigarette before continuing, ‘I don’t know, I kind of like how naturally the exercise happened and want to keep the trend going. I’d like to do something similar but I don’t think a structured class is right for me.’

‘Maybe you can try hiking or kayaking?’ Trixie offered.

Patsy shrugged, ‘I suppose, but I’m looking for something I can do on a daily basis, or near daily anyway.’

‘Patsy, I’m going to break a rule here by talking about what I do personally,’ Valerie started.

Patsy narrowed her eyes and glared at Valerie suspiciously , ‘That can only be one of two things.’

‘It’s not a fight club,’ Valerie said.

Patsy pursed her lips, ‘It’s CrossFit, isn’t it?’

‘Hear me out,’ Valerie said, pausing only to open her mouth wide to start pontificating, but Patsy cut her off.

‘Val, no,’ Patsy remarked warningly.

‘Patsy seriously!’ Valerie interjected, silencing the redhead, ‘The army sucked all the fun out of working out for me. I grew to hate running… and like you I didn’t like organized classes. Workout videos also grew old fast and bored me to death, but I knew I needed to do something because I was drinking too much and growing pudgy,’ Valerie finished as she patted her belly for emphasis, ‘so I signed up for a class and genuinely enjoyed it. Every single class is different so there’s no routine and you’re never bored, and everyone is really supportive and cheers everyone on. Been goin’ three days a week since the holidays and now look,’ she opened up her coat and lifted her shirt, showing off a rather defined tummy, ‘no more pudge!’

Both Trixie and Patsy blinked, sucking down the last of their cigarettes as they hummed in appreciation at the sight.

‘Well, now I know why Lucille was so eager to sign up for that charity beauty pageant,’ Trixie quipped as she threw her cigarette butt in the receptacle.

‘I’m working to keep this baby in shape for the swimsuit competition,’ she said as she patted her belly before zipping up her coat once more.

Patsy threw her cigarette butt in the receptacle before scratching her head, wondering if Valerie had a point. Maybe it would be worth a try if she could come out of it at the end of the day with results like that. She had issues with her body. She still had no mirrors in her flat because she didn’t want to look at her body. She didn’t want to look at her scars or remember where they came from. Her time with Delia had made her feel a bit more confident about undressing and being naked in front of another person. Patsy wondered for a moment if building up her strength would be another way she could feel better about her body. Feel better about being in a state of undress with someone she cared for and trusted. Feel more like herself.

‘Um, Val,’ Patsy started, and Valerie looked up, ‘you know… I think I just might take you up on that.’

‘Yeah?’ Valerie beamed, ‘you’ll give it a try?’

Patsy shrugged, ‘Yeah, why not? No harm in giving it a shot.’

‘Oh, mate that’s fantastic,’ Valerie gave Patsy an enthusiastic pat on the back, ‘It’ll be loads of fun, I promise you!’

‘Patsy no, it’s a cult!’ Trixie teased, and Valerie shushed her.

‘Don’t listen to her,’ she glared at Trixie before turning her attention back to Patsy, ‘why don’t you join me tomorrow morning? I’ll bring you in as a guest and then you can decide afterwards if you want to take on classes for yourself. I get there for the 5 AM class-‘

‘5 AM?!’ Patsy exclaimed.

‘Of course!’ Valerie nodded, ‘Army life trained you to get your workouts out of the way first thing since you don’t know if your cantankerous supervisor will keep you on after hours and whatever else life will throw at you that could muck up your workout schedule.’

Patsy sighed drearily.

‘Besides, I find it wakes me up a lot better than all the tea and coffee I could ever drink. Here,’ she said digging through her pocket, ‘give me your number and I’ll text you where to meet.’

Valerie pulled out her phone and Patsy hesitated before finally giving the woman her mobile number, hoping she didn’t regret this.

‘Oh, there you lot are,’ came a voice, and Patsy, Valerie, and Trixie looked over to see Lucille poking her head out the door to the clinic.

Lucille tisked and shook her head.

‘A waiting room full of patients and the two senior nurses are dawdling out here smoking, but if I’m caught in the hall having a pleasant chat with Delia I get a stern talking to from Phyllis.’

‘Yeah,’ Valerie chimed in as she headed toward the doorway, ‘way to set an example for us junior nurses you two!’

‘Oh, do shut up, Val.’ Trixie rolled her eyes as she made her way back inside.

‘And you,’ Lucille said as she addressed Valerie, ‘what are you doing smoking? You know it gives you wrinkles and you need to stay pretty for the pageant.’

‘Ah, cancer is alright, but wrinkles are bad. Got it.’

‘You could just quit altogether,’ Lucille rolled her eyes as Valerie walked past her.

‘Hey, if I can’t eat carbs or drink beer, I’m smoking, alright. I need one or the other.’

Patsy followed suit and listened with a smile as the two carried on with their bickering like an old married couple.

* * *

The next morning, Patsy and Valerie met as planned, and Valerie was excited to share her workout experience with Patsy. The redhead had showed up in a long sleeved top and shorts with trainers, and she was thankful that Valerie, wearing a vest and shorts with her trainers, didn’t comment on her sleeves.

With a nervous excitement, Patsy joined Valerie with the rest of the group that showed up for the early morning class and braced herself for a thorough workout. She honestly felt like she wouldn’t be able to go on after the intense warm up, but with Valerie there next to her, working out alongside her and being supportive, keeping her moving, it made the workout all the more fun and not as bad as Patsy thought it was going to be.

The instructors certainly kept it interesting as kept them moving. They had the group running around with medicine balls, jumping rope, push ups, sit ups, climbing ropes and doing more squats than Patsy could count.

At the end of the hour, she felt dead on the floor, her arms and legs had become noodles sprawled out around her on the mat. All the muscles in her body were throbbing and she felt exhausted, knowing she was sweating through her top but she didn’t care as she lay on the floor catching her breath.

‘That’s the best feeling, isn’t it?’

Patsy opened her eyes to see Valerie standing over her with her hands on her hips, her vest soaked with sweat as she caught her breath.

‘Uh, yeah, sure.’

Valerie merely laughed and held out her hand, which Patsy grabbed, and allowed for Valerie to help her stand.

‘Hey, look at that, you made it,’ Valerie said proudly, giving Patsy a pat on the shoulder, ‘so what did you think? Amazing what you can accomplish before 6am, eh?’

Patsy merely nodded, ‘Can I get back to you when I can feel my arms and legs again?’

‘No worries,’ Valerie continued on as they headed for the showers, giving Patsy tips on proper recovery shakes and protein filled snacks and meals she could incorporate into her daily life.

* * *

Later that morning, Patsy sat in her office reviewing files, her body still pleasantly humming as her muscles rested from such an intense workout. Immediately after the workout, she never thought she would ever want to do it again, but now that her body was starting to return to normal, she did notice she felt better. She did feel more awake and like she had accomplished something.

A knock on the doorframe made her look up, and she was pleased to see Delia standing there with a cup of tea.

‘Morning,’ Patsy smiled, sitting up in her chair.

‘Morning Nurse Mount,’ Delia said as she entered the office, leaving the door open, a clear signal to Patsy that they were to keep their conversation strictly professional.

Patsy watched as Delia sat in the chair next to her desk and blew on the tea in her hand. She noted with a heavy heart that, for the first time since they had returned a week and a half ago, Delia did not bring her a cup of tea. Patsy observed Delia’s features closely, and the brunette looked back at Patsy rather expectantly.

‘What’s up?’ she asked, growing rather nervous.

‘You tell me,’ Delia said as crossed her legs, settling in.

Patsy raised an eyebrow, thoroughly confused and not quite sure what she may have done to possible upset Delia.

‘Have you taken care of the thing I’ve been asking you to take care of every day this week?’ she asked softly.

Patsy slumped in her chair, her brows furrowing.

Oh, she thought to herself, _that_.

‘I haven’t had a chance to look into it yet.’

‘Really? In all this time since we’ve been back you couldn’t spare 10 minutes-,’

‘I’ll make some calls around lunchtime, alright?’ Patsy said in a hushed whisper, sitting back up on her chair and fussing with the files on her desk in an attempt to look busy to anyone who may have been walking by.

‘I’ve heard that one before…’

‘Well I mean it,’ Patsy snapped in a hushed whisper, ‘I’ll get it done, just please stop pushing me,’ Patsy finished terse, feeling her anxiety rise under Delia’s intense stare.

Patsy looked at Delia pleadingly and she could see Delia’s features soften slightly.

‘Really, I promise,’ she said, and was thankful when Delia finally sighed and looked away towards the neat stack of files on the desk.

Patsy watched as she rose from her seat and rounded to the front of the desk, plucking a file from her top of the pile and tucking it under her arm.

‘I assume this patient is up first,’ Delia asked.

Patsy merely nodded and watched as Delia turned to leave.

‘I went to the gym today,’ she blurted out, and Delia halted where she stood, turning around slightly to look back at Patsy.

‘You did?’

Patsy bit her lip and nodded, leaning on her elbows propped on her desk, ‘Um, yeah. I went with Valerie, actually. She took me to one of her CrossFit classes to try it out.’

Delia turned around fully now, facing Patsy with a happy smile, ‘Yeah? Did you like it? Do you think you’re going to go back?’

Patsy nodded shyly, ‘Yeah, I think I might. It was really tough but I had a lot of fun. It was actually really nice to do it with someone I knew. Valerie being there was what motivated me to keep going till the end.’

‘Yeah, Val is definitely super easy to get along with,’ Delia said as she looked over her shoulder.

Patsy followed her gaze to find Trixie and Lucille standing with Valerie as Valerie talked, having the other two tittering over something silly.

‘I mean,’ Patsy heard Valerie say, ‘Lou, your brother is crazy. How is he going to get a pitbull and _not_ name it ‘Mr. Worldwide’? He’s missed a golden opportunity there,’ she said over their laughter.

Delia turned back around, ‘She’s got a special charm with the ladies, thats for sure.’

Patsy raised an eyebrow, her voice coming out in a whisper, ‘You think she’s…?’

‘Oh, totally,’ Delia said, practically rolling her eyes, ‘but she’s absolutely in the closet. I’ve tried getting something out of her but she’s completely zippy when it comes to her personal life.’

Patsy shrugged, ‘So am I.’

Delia returned the shrug, ‘No wonder you two get along so well!’

Patsy smiled, feeling a bit more relaxed as Delia looked at her affectionately. It looked as if she was internally debating something for a moment before she reached over had placed her cup of tea on the desk close to Patsy.

‘I’m proud of you for going to the gym today,’ she said quietly.

‘That’s one more thing ticked off the list, wouldn’t you say?’ Patsy said with a hopeful smile.

‘Yeah,’ Delia said as he reached for the doorknob, ‘now let’s see if you can tick off that last thing, hmm?’ she mused as she shut the door behind her, leaving Patsy all alone in her office.

Patsy blinked, and slouched in her chair slightly.

No sock today.

Patsy harrumphed, a little annoyed as she thought she had earned her sock today, finally going to the gym and all. She narrowed her eyes spitefully at the tea left on her desk, thinking she would take Delia’s sock over a cup of tea any day.

Then again it was just a sock. A piece of cloth. Nothing special about a measly little bit of fabric, hmm?

Unknowingly, Patsy fidgeted, taking a pencil from her cup and tapping it against her desk. There was suddenly an unsettling feeling weighing heavy in her stomach. She just felt… off. She felt uncomfortable, her anxiety nagging at her ever so slightly.

Alright, so the sock was special, she admitted to herself. It was something small that Delia used to show her affection towards Patsy because she couldn’t do it any other way while they were at work. And the smaller woman knew Patsy loved her feet. She loved everything about them and she knew it drove her crazy to just have something, have some trinket that smelled like her feet, that reminded Patsy of the feel and shape of them and how they tasted. She knew it turned Patsy on, and Patsy knew Delia loved teasing her with this delicious torture, giving her something subtle she could hold all day that kept her thinking of Delia, and Patsy had honestly grew to love it. She looked forward to holding her sock every day.

Patsy looked at the tea sitting on her desk. A small, albeit not quite the token of affection that Patsy had craved.

Delia was upset with her, understandably. Patsy said she would do something and she hadn’t done it yet. Fine, but this was something she needed to do on her own time. When she felt she was ready.

Was Delia going to withhold her socks until she made an appointment with a therapist? That was very likely.

Patsy broke her pencil in two.

She was angry. How dare Delia do this to her. This was just… outrageous! On her own, Patsy had made several changes and she knew she deserved that sock! She had been good, hadn’t she? She was doing well! She wanted her treat! She wanted her sock!

Patsy shook her head just then, placing the pencil down and pushing herself away from her desk with a deep breath of air. . She was being ridiculous. It’s just a sock. It’s just a sock. A used sock for that matter. Normally such a thing would disgust her, carrying around a used sock. She could live without carrying around some old sweaty smelly sock around in her pocket.

With another deep breath, not quite feeling relieved, but well enough that she convinced herself she could carry on as normal, Patsy stood and collected a few files from her desk, prepared to move on with her day. As she exited her office, she unconsciously stuck her hand in her pocket, and an overwhelming feeling of sadness washed over her when she felt nothing there.

* * *

Predictably, the lunch hour came and went that Friday afternoon, and all the nurses in the building were so busy that hardly anyone had ten minutes to themselves to scarf down their lunch or quickly grab something from the cafeteria. The women in the clinic had by then fallen into a steady rhythm, so by the time the last patient was out the door that evening, everyone fell into their after work duties with such ease that they were all happily headed out the door on time that evening.

Patsy was in her office putting away one last thing or another when there as a knock on the door frame. She turned to see Trixie and Barbara standing there with their coats on, already changed out of their scrubs and into regular tops and trousers.

‘Delia has asked for us to come and fetch you,’ Trixie said.

Patsy closed the drawer on her filing cabinet and it noisily slammed shut with a clang.

‘Um, why?’ she asked, trying to sound disinterested as her heart began to beat frantically in her chest.

‘Well,’ Barbara started nervously, Patsy noted a little annoyed as the woman still seemed uncomfortable around her, ‘she suggested we all go out to a happy hour as, you know, kind of a way to hang out and have some fun?’

‘Have some fun, eh?’ Patsy repeated as she moved to shut down her computer, ‘doesn’t she know I hate fun?’

‘She said you would say that,’ Trixie quipped with a smile, ‘and she said,’ Trixie crossed her arms and did her best Welsh accent, ‘tell her it is within her best interest to join us this evening.’

 _In her best interest_ , Patsy thought sarcastically. She sighed thinking that was code for she better come along or she’ll be in deeper than she already is with the brunette.

Patsy gave a defeated sigh, not liking the idea of being obligated to spend even more time with people she already saw for up to ten hours a day, but it seemed she didn’t have a choice.

‘Where?’ she asked tiredly.

Trixie nodded her head in the direction of the back door, ‘Just over at the black sail. The others have already headed over there to grab a table.’

‘Even Phyllis and Julienne?’

‘Nah, it’s just us youngins,’ Barbara responded, ‘So you’ll come?’

Patsy gave a smirk and shrugged, ‘I suppose if it’s in my best interest…’

‘Splendid!’ Trixie smiled.

Patsy looked down at her scrubs, ‘Erm, can you give me a moment to change? I think I have some jeans in my bag.’

‘Ah, of course,’ Trixie moved to shut her office door, ‘We’ll wait in the break room so we can walk over together.’

The door clicked shut before Patsy could respond, honestly finding it rather touching that she and Barbara thought enough of her to wait for her to get ready. She didn’t know why, but the small gesture meant a lot to her.

Quickly, she changed it if her scrubs and into a jumper and jeans that she had in her gym bag, and walked out of the clinic with the two women, locking up behind her.

She walked behind Barbara and Trixie as the two carried on with one another, walking the short distance to the pub with their arms linked, and Patsy felt a twinge of jealousy at the two for just a moment at the sight. She knew they were friends. She knew they weren’t romantic with one another in any sense, but it still irked her that she wasn’t allowed to show that kind of affection towards Delia lest someone suspect something. She wished she could walk the streets with Delia with their friends and do something as simple as hold her hand, but she couldn’t. She knew this was how it had to be between them. She was Delia’s boss and it was a huge risk for them to even be in the kind of relationship they were in, but she was still allowed to let it hurt when she thought of all the things she couldn’t do with Delia. Not yet anyway.

When they entered the pub and Patsy laid eyes on Delia smiling and laughing, carrying on as Valerie said something funny, she couldn’t help but feel sad. The sight should have made her happy. Ecstatic, even, but it didn’t. She wanted Delia all to herself. She wanted to hold her and kiss her and be sweet with her, but she had to push down those feelings for now.

It didn’t help matters when Delia spotted her, and her smile seemed to grow, showing off those dimples that had Patsy swooning.

Patsy, overthinking every one of her moves, waited until the other two women took a seat at the table before she sat down, a little relieved that the remaining chair was next to Delia so no one would suspect anything. She felt a little more relaxed as the others carried on noisily, but Delia didn’t seem to notice anyone but Patsy on that moment and she looked at the redhead tenderly as she settled into her seat. Patsy felt herself relax a little just by being close to her.

‘Got you a pint,’ Delia said, nodding to the dark ale directly in front of Patsy.

It was Patsy's natural reaction to say something along the lines of ‘You shouldn’t have,’ but she had been scolded enough by the brunette to just let her do things and thank her.

‘Thanks,’ she said softly, ‘I’ll get the next round.’

Delia smiled and turned her attention back to the others as she sipped her own beer.

Patsy did the same and noticed that Valerie seemed to be jovial and in her element, making the others laugh with her stories and obnoxious jokes. She wondered if the woman wouldn’t rather have a career in comedy rather than midwifery. The girls went around the table sharing jokes, Barbara’s getting the most laughter because her joke about penguins getting to the zoo fell flat because it was so awful.

‘Oi, Pats,’ Valerie tipped her glass of whiskey towards the redhead, ‘how about you then? What’s your favorite joke?’

Patsy shook her head, ‘Don't have one,’ she lied, ‘I’m terrible at jokes.’

‘Nah, come on now, everyone has a favorite.’

‘What’s yours then?’ Patsy asked, leaning back on her chair and crossing her arms.

‘Alright, Patsy, just for you,’ Valerie said, sitting up a little bit more in her seat, ‘Ready? Goes like this,’ Valerie noisily cleared her throat before continuing.

‘Knock knock,’ Valerie directed to Patsy.

‘Come in,’ Patsy replied, completely deadpan.

Valerie opened her mouth as if she were going to continue her joke, but stopped herself, her eyes growing wide as she furrowed her eyebrows.

Trixie, Barbara, Lucille and Valerie all looked at Patsy like she had three heads.

‘Knock knock _come in_?!’ Valerie repeated incredulously.

‘What, is that not how that goes?’ Patsy said with a shrug.

Delia slapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

Valerie spent the next several minutes ranting and raving at how absurd it was that her knock knock joke was shut down so abruptly. Patsy merely sipped her drink and tried not to crack a smile as Valerie’s reaction had the rest of the girls laughing.

‘You did that on purpose,’ Delia leaned over and whispered to Patsy with a dimple inducing grin.

‘I told her I wasn’t any good at jokes, I don’t know what she’s getting so worked up about,’ Patsy said innocently from behind her pint.

‘Hey,’ Delia said, and Patsy looked over at her as she sensed her tone had changed, ‘You alright? You seemed a little sad when you walked in.’

Patsy blushed, faltering slightly and shaking her head, ‘I'm alright, really,’ he said, though continued on when Delia didn’t look at all convinced, ‘we can talk about it later.’

Delia seemed placated with that response and settled back in her chair before the others noticed anything.

‘Val how come you’re drinking whiskey?’ Trixie asked, ‘would of figured you to be a lager girl.’

Valerie leaned back in her chair, sighing dramatically, ‘Oh, Trix, believe me I would love a fucking beer but with Lou around I can’t have any carbohydrates until this bloody pageant.’

‘It’s for a good cause!’ Lucille interjected, her eyes growing wide, ‘Besides, only two more weeks until the show and then I’m making you all the waffles and chocolate chip pancakes and mimosas you want.’

‘It’ll be the most epic cheat day,’ Valerie said dreamily as she closed her eyes.

‘How on earth did Lucille convince you to do this in the first place? Seems like a lot of work…’ Delia asked.

‘Do you have any idea how charming Lou can be when she wants something?’ Valerie said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, ‘I mean, here,’ she said as she wrapped her arm around Lucille’s shoulder.

‘Ah! What chu doing?’ Lucille slurred with a grin, almost knocking over her vodka tonic as she leaned into Valerie.

‘Go on Lou, show ‘em that smile,’ Valerie grinned as Lucille giggled and blushed, ‘show ‘em those pearly whites that turns heads because they’re so pretty!’

‘Val!’ Lucille happily shouted.

‘Ah, see, there it is, that’s the one that got me to say yes to this silly show.’

‘Oh, hush, you were excited to do it,’ Lucille said as she didn’t try very hard to pull away.

‘Yeah after you batted those pretty eyelashes a little,’ Valerie grinned, pulling the woman even closer as she giggled.

‘Oh my god,’ Patsy mumbled as she slouched slightly in her seat, ‘Val is such a flirt,’ she whispered to Delia.

Delia closed her eyes and nodded, humming in agreement, ‘She’s all bark and no bite though.’

‘How do you mean?’ Patsy asked curiously as she sipped her beer.

‘She’s a total flirt but she wouldn’t know her head from her ass if someone actually reciprocated, you know?’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ Delia smirked, shaking her head disapprovingly, ‘a completely useless lesbian,’ she finished as she took a swig of her beer.

Patsy chanced a look back at the group and saw Valerie had moved on to taking the fancy little umbrellas from Trixie and Barbara's drinks and assorting them in Lucille’s hair while the other three carried on a conversation as if none of this was happening.

Patsy looked back to Delia, smirking slightly, ‘Has she made any moves on you?’

Delia returned Patsy's smirk, ‘No,’ she simply said as she took another sip of her drink, ‘but if she did I would shut down that shit right quick.’

‘Why, she not your type?’ Patsy teased.

‘Oh, she’s totally my type,’ Delia replied quietly, giggling slightly as the color in Patsy's face drained ever so slightly, ‘I just have a very strict rule about dating coworkers,’ she finished as she coyly sipped her drink.

Patsy had to look away, feeling her ears turn red, ‘Can't be that strict then,’ she mumbled and she could hear Delia laugh next to her at her reaction.

When Patsy looked back to the group she noticed Trixie looking st the two of them with an inquiring eyebrow raised, the other three women wrapped up in their own conversation. Her gaze made Patsy's heart leap in her throat and she rose from her chair suddenly.

‘Um,’ Patsy stuttered as all eyes turned to her, ‘I’m just going to grab the next round… um, same thing for everyone, yeah?’

There was a chorus of Yes Please! and Thank You! as Patsy rushed off to the bar, not trusting herself to be close to Delia as the beer she drank buzzed pleasantly in her system. She was starting that familiar pull towards the smaller woman again. She wanted to just lean over and kiss her and hold her and she didn’t want to risk doing any of that in front of everyone.

When she got to the bar, she ordered herself a water and bought drinks for everyone else.

* * *

Later in the evening, the group broke off into pairs, Trixie and Barbara walking towards the underground station while Valerie and Lucille walked home in another direction. Patsy knew she and Delia would need to take the tube home as well, but they hung back and Patsy followed Delia as they walked in another direction to some undisclosed location that Delia would not reveal to Patsy.

The sun had already set on that chilly March evening, and both Patsy and Delia were bundled up with their coats zipped all the way up, hands in pockets as they trotted along the pavement. Little flurries of snow whipped about their heads and Patsy couldn’t help but feel a shiver go down her spine.

‘Hey,’ she heard Delia say softly, and Patsy looked over to see the smaller woman extending a gloved hand to her.

Patsy hesitated.

‘It’s alright, the coast is clear,’ Delia said with a reassuring smile that Patsy could only half see over her scarf.

Patsy slowly reached out and clasped her hand, and when Delia turned to keep walking, Patsy didn’t budge. Delia looked back at her, concerned.

‘What is it?’

Patsy merely shook her head, grasping tighter on Delia’s hand as she pulled the smaller woman toward her. In an instant, Patsy had Delia wrapped up in her arms and they were kissing. Delia pulled away slightly, blinking, looking a little caught off guard that had Patsy's panicking only for a moment before she felt Delia fall into her, press her body against hers as she wrapped her arms tight around Patsy and kissed her again. Patsy closed her eyes and opened her mouth, deepening the kiss, filling their little pocket of the world with with heavy breaths and sighs and neither of them seemed to care they were on the middle of the sidewalk on a busy London street as they kissed one another.

Patsy moved to placing sweet kisses along Delia’s cheek and ear, the smaller woman tilting her head back so Patsy could have better access. She sighed at Delia’s little breaths in her ear.

‘I didn’t know how badly I needed that until you grabbed me,’ Delia breathed as she nuzzled her cold nose against Patsy's warm cheek.

‘I’ve been wanting to do that all day,’ Patsy sighed as she pulled away. She still felt a little sad, and Delia must have sensed how she felt because Patsy could see concern in her features as she stared at her.

‘What’s the matter cariad?’ Delia asked as she tenderly brushed the fringe out of Patsy’s eyes.

‘Nothing,’ Patsy shook her head, ‘I think I just…. sometimes it’s just challenging not being able to touch you when we’re out with everyone, and…,’ Patsy looked down sadly, ‘I don’t know, Barbara and Trixie can hold hands down the street and Valerie and Lucille are all over each other and I feel like I can’t so much as be within five feet of you without someone getting suspicious.’

Delia nodded in understanding before she tucked her head in the crook of Patsy's shoulder and hugged her tight, ‘I certainly know the feeling.’

Patsy held her tight and took in the feeling of holding her close, how she felt in her arms the way her hair smelled. It was all so wonderful and she felt so thankful that she had Delia in her life.

‘It’s just how it has to be,’ Delia continued, her voice soft and soothing, ‘I don’t want to be sent away and I don’t want you to get in trouble at work either. I’ll be so sad if I can’t see you every day.

Patsy felt her heart melt a little at her words, ‘Me too,’ she said.

Delia gave a reassuring smile, ‘It’s not forever, cariad. It’s just for now, and I can keep going if you can.’

Patsy silently nodded, and the two pulled away after Delia gave Patsy one last sweet peck on the lips, grasping her hand again as they continued on their walk.

Patsy let out a sigh, feeling a little better, a little relieved, but there was still something nagging at her. Something that was making her feel anxious and it didn’t click with her until she shoved her hand in her pocket and was disappointed that it was empty.

Oh.

‘This is going to sound really weird,’ Patsy said with a shy smirk, ‘but I think I felt a little off all day because I wasn’t carrying around your sock.’

Delia laughed and squeezed her hand, ‘You’ve grown quite attached to it then, hmm?’ she asked with a dimple inducing smile.

‘It’s become something I look forward to every day, yeah,’ Patsy replied with a blush.

‘Well you know why you didn’t get your sock today, Pats?’

Patsys heart sank in her chest.

Oh, shit.

‘Did you call today?’

Oh shit shit shit fuck bugger shit…

‘Pats?’

Delia let go of Patsy's hand and stopped walking. She turned on her heel to stand directly in front of Patsy.

‘Patsy,’ Delia said, her mouth a firm line across her face, ‘you didn’t call anyone to make an appointment, did you?’

Patsys eyes darted back and forth and she felt herself break out into a cold sweat as she racked her brain for something, anything. Some kind of excuse that would placate Delia, something she would find acceptable.

‘I just… I never got a break today,’ she said feebly, inwardly cringing, wanting to kick herself as that was the best she could come up with and even she knew it was a shit excuse. Leave it to her to bugger up such a lovely evening at the drop of a hat.

‘Damn it Patsy,’ Delia looked away, taking a step back as she brought her forefinger and thumb to the bride of her nose.

Patsy suddenly felt defensive, ‘Well what do you expect me to do, Deels? We were so busy all day I barely had a chance to use the toilet let alone take the time to research someone and call to make an appointment!’

‘I expect you to keep your promises, that’s what!’

Patsy put her hands on her hips and looked away, her temper flaring, but she would be damned if she rose her voice to Delia.

‘Pats, I know your dedicated to your patients, but your health is just as important too.’

‘This can wait,’ Patsy said through grit teeth.

‘Can it?!’ Delia exclaimed, ‘Patsy, this is important!’

‘Oh, Delia, really,’ Patsy chastised, ‘I said I’ll do it and I will. This isn’t something I can do on your schedule though. I can’t. I have to be ready to do something like this, alright? I get to decide when I go!’ Patsy exclaimed, pointing her thumb into her chest.

‘That is complete bullshit.’ Delia seethed.

‘How?!’

‘Because this is your _life_ , Patsy!’ Delia shouted, taking a step back and extending her arms, ‘Something like this can’t wait! God knows you’ve put it off long enough. I’m sick of you saying you’re going to take care of this and then doing nothing. How am I supposed to trust you when you can’t swallow your pride and do something as simple as this. You're an adult for Christ's sake, pull your fucking socks up and make an appointment!’

Patsy wanted to spit, but settled for matching Delia's death glare, greatly resenting being chastised like this from someone who was so much younger than herself. Besides, she thought, if this was so simple she would have taken care of it by now. She held her tongue and watched as Delia took a step back and held out her hands, her palms towards the ground, attempting to calm herself.

‘You know what, _fine_. If you want to drag your feet on this, that’s on you, but I’m done with you until you get this taken care of.’

All the muscles in Patsy’s face went slack, her eyes growing wide as the color slowly drained from her face. Her heart felt as if it shattered into several pieces.

‘What?’ she said, barely above a whisper.

‘I’m drawing the line here Pats,’ Delia said, her voice calm but her gaze intense, and Paty could see her eyes fill with tears, ‘we both know you need to go to therapy, alright? You going to therapy is the price of admission you need to pay if you want to be in a relationship with me.’

‘I’m… I… you can’t…’ Patsy stuttered, feeling an intense mixture of heartbreak and rage, ‘Delia you can’t hold something like this over my head! I won’t let you manipulate me into doing something I’m not ready to just to be with you!’

‘This is not manipulation!’ Delia replied, her eyes wide, ‘You said you would do it! You said as soon as we got back you would look into it and call and make an appointment to talk to someone and have you? No! Day after day goes by and you’ve done _nothing_ , Pats! And I’ve had enough of it! I can't take any more excuses from you!’

The two shared a tense stare for a few moments, Patsy too afraid to speak or look away. She wanted to make things right with Delia immediately but she just wasn’t ready. They were in the middle of the street. She couldn’t very well just drop everything and call someone, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to give Delia one more empty promise. She wouldn't believe her anyway. So she remained silent, her hands clasped into fists at her sides as she tried not to let the tears well up and crest over her eyes.

Delia took a deep breath and looked away, hands on her hips.

‘This is where I wanted to bring you, by the way,’ she said nodding to the building Patsy was standing directly in front of.

Patsy whipped herself around to see her reflection in the window of a brightly lit record shop. She could see inside the floor to ceiling shelves of records, a myriad of people up and down the aisles, flipping through all sorts of records, listening to music, chatting amongst themselves.

‘I know it’s hard for you to be out with others,’ Patsy heard Delia say, ‘to be social… and I know you came out with us this evening for me, because you knew it would make me happy… and so… as a way to thank you I wanted to take you to do something I thought you would like.’

Patsy turned back around to face Delia, who looked overwhelmingly sad.

‘But I just… I’m really disappointed in you, Patsy,’ she said softly.

Patsy finally felt as if she were going to cry.

‘I just can’t… I’m too angry with you right now. I’m too upset to be with you and… I don’t know. I just want you to go inside and buy a record and,’ Delia threw her hands up and began walking backwards, ‘and I don’t want to see you until you’ve taken care of this.

‘Deels,’ Patsy pleaded, taking a step towards her but not quite sure what to say.

‘This is more important than being with me, and you know it,’ Delia said, finally turning and walking away, leaving Patsy standing there, unable to move at all, unable to even breathe as she watched her retreating form grow small and disappear around the corner.

* * *

24 hours later, Patsy found herself that Saturday night in a bit of a conundrum.

She sucked down the last of her cigarettes as she lay on the floor, her mind recalling the incident for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Over and over again the memory of Delia walking away from her played out in her mind, each time hurt just a little bit more.

She warned Delia of this, didn’t she? She said she was fucked up. Said over and over again she shouldn’t be with her. To go out and date people her age. To find someone easier.

Patsy left her cigarette in her mouth and puffed as she crossed her arms, her brows furrowing as she gazed at the ceiling.

The price she had to pay to be in a relationship with her, hmm?

Was it fair? Was it a fair price?

She just wants you to take better care of yourself and to keep your promises.

Patsy groaned, opening the side of her mouth and releasing a long line of white smoke as her record player hissed and popped and began to play the next song.

Her new record was the one she had bought in the shop immediately after their fight. Delia had said she wanted her to buy a record, so even though all Patsy wanted to do was kick over a few dozen rubbish bins in the alley to let off some steam in that moment, she rushed into the shop and bought the record that was on display by the cashier. She didn’t know the band and she didn't care. She wanted to at least fulfill Delia’s wish that she buy a record, so she did, and now she was listening to it.

Or trying to, anyway. She was feeling too many emotions to give it the attention she usually gave her music, but the song that came on next grabbed her attention.

It sounded like something she could go to the pub and belt out after getting pissed.

 _I want to love somebody but I don't know how_  
_I been so long lonely that it's getting me down_  
_I want to throw my body in the river and drown_  
_I want to love somebody but I don't know how_

_I want to love somebody but I don’t know how-._

The song ended abruptly and Patsy rolled over to move the needle and play the song again. She listened to it the whole way through and then played it again.

Patsy played the song several more times until she learned every lyric and was singing along, beating her fists against the floor in time with the beat.

The lyric replayed over and over again in Patsy’s brain.

_I want to love somebody but I don't know how._

She didn't think she had heard a lyric that spoke to her more about her life in that moment than that one.

Patsy lay on the floor and watched as the smoke from her cigarette curled and floated upwards towards the ceiling, watching it disappear.

Did she want to love someone? Certainly she could bring herself to love Delia. She thought so anyway. Putting others before yourself. Taking care of them when they're sick or hurt. Those were things someone did for a person they loved, and Patsy had proved she could do that for Delia. She would do it again in a heartbeat.

But maybe Delia knew that. Maybe she knew that Patsy would drop everything and help her if she really needed it.

Would Delia do the same for Patsy though?

Patsy's brain racked itself for information. It was Delia who had pushed for this. It was her who wanted them to be together after Patsy had tried to tell her. Tried to warn her that she would be difficult.

And last night she had just… up and left.

Was this Delia's way of dropping everything for the well being of Patsy? Because she wanted to show her she loved her? Delia pushed so hard to be with Patsy. It must have been really hard for her to just walk away like she did last night after she apparently planned to spend the evening together with her.

Patsy blinked a few times and plucked the cigarette from between her lips, stubbing it out in an ashtray.

_‘Therapy is the price of admission you have to pay to be with me.’_

Patsy huffed. Of all her problems why did she have to draw the line there?

She grit her teeth, the thought of sitting in some room sharing her life story with a stranger really grated on her nerves. Besides, she hated herself too much to really give therapy the benefit of the doubt.

Patsy blinked.

She hated herself.

The lyric played over in her mind again.

_'I want to love somebody but I don't know how.’_

Patsy sat in silence for several moments until something finally clicked in that brain of hers.

‘God damn it,’ Patsy whined, 'Patsy you stupid bitch.’

She sat up and raked her fingers through her hair, groaning miserably.

'She wants me to love myself,’ Patsy mumbled into her hands.

With a resounding sigh, Patsy picked up her phone and paid the price of admission.

She spent the next half an hour or so looking through several websites after having searched for therapists in Poplar London. She was absolutely not interested in seeing someone who was heterosexual. Or a man for that matter; her own personal preference because if she was going to pour her heart out to someone, she wanted to be able to relate to them on as many levels as possible.Though, one site that kept coming up over and over again was for a certain Tony Amos. Patsy perused his profile and saw that he specialized in helping other men and women who were forced into conversion classes or suffered trauma as a result of their shitty upbringing. So that checked off a few boxes right there for Patsy. She also saw that he as gay too. It certainly helped that he had many great reviews from other anonymous persons posting about him on a separate website. It was all the more convenient that Patsy was able to schedule an appointment with him online.

She knew after what she and Phyllis had discussed, her first Friday off would be the following Friday. Tony had an opening that day, so Patsy typed in her information and booked the slot, setting it all up on her calendar.

There. She did it.

Her heart thumped in her chest. All she wanted now was to see Delia. But would Delia want to see her?

She had been obedient and hadn't said a word to Delia since their fight the night before. Patsy wondered if Delia was still upset. She didn't want to call her in case she was out with someone, the thought piercing Patsy's chest in an unpleasant way that she couldn't quite explain.

She thought it safe to just send her a text. Just one word.

'Red.’

Patsy raked her fingers through her hair, and nearly jumped when her phone chimed.

'Yes?’ was the one word reply, and Patsy could almost see Delia looking at her expectantly.

Patsy sighed and snapped a screenshot of her appointment receipt. She texted the photo to Delia and nothing else.

Patsy chewed on her bottom lip, her heart pounding in her chest and she nearly jumped again when her phone started ringing. Delia was calling.

She picked up the phone and brought it to her ear, too nervous to even give a measly salutation.

'Thank you cariad,’ Delia said, and Patsy found herself letting out a sigh of relief, feeling so happy all of a sudden to hear her voice, to have her talking to her again.

'I've been a complete ass,’ Patsy said, feeling her body relax as she found herself laying back down on the floor.

Patsy could hear Delia giggle on the other end, 'It's alright, Patsy. I'm glad you've finally made an appointment,’ she said softly, and Patsy could hear her sigh, 'I’m sorry I lost my temper. I don't like that I yell when I'm angry.’

'No, you can yell at me Deels. God knows I need to be yelled at sometimes,’ she smiled slightly as she heard Delia giggle, ‘and you were right though. I said I would take better care of myself and I've already been putting everything off for far too long. You were right to say what you said. You were right to walk away.’

'It was hard for me to do…,’ Delia said softly.

'I know. It was hard for me to watch. I need that tough love sometimes, and…,’ Patsy trailed off with a sigh. Her eyes squeezed shut tight a she suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.

'What is it, sweetie?’ she could hear Delia softly ask.

Patsy sighed, afraid to say what she wanted to say next, thinking she was being ridiculous and clingy and she was scared that Delia would think it was too much, but she took a deep breath and decided to take that chance.

'Delia, I just really miss you,’ she breathed, willing her heart to stop thumping as hard as it was, ‘and it's not that I can't be alone, it's just, I’m starting to feel… I feel like…’ Patsy trailed off struggling to find the words.

'Your whole day is knocked off balance when we don't see or talk to one another for an entire day?’ Delia finished for her, and Patsy let out a sigh of relief.

'Yeah…’ Patsy closed her eyes and tried to calm the butterflies in her chest, 'I don't know Delia, I was mad last night and… I’m going to try to be better. I don't want to upset you so much that you feel you need to cut me off again because… well because all last night I was scared not knowing whether or not you made it home safe, and I just… you're right. I just feel like it throws my whole day off if I don't see you or hear from you, and…’ Patsy sighed, 'and I'm really nervous telling you all this because I don't want you to think I can't… that I want… you know, I'm just worried you might think I want too much too soon…’

'Pats,’ Delia cut in and Patsy halted her blathering, ‘you're so sweet, you know that?’

Patsy felt her ears turn red as her heart fluttered in her chest. She was glad Delia wasn't there to see the good smirk she was sure she had on her face.

'I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same,’ Delia said softly.

Patsy heard a noise that sounded like Delia ungracefully laying down on a fluffy duvet.

'I missed you too, you silly girl,’ Delia said and Patsy couldn't help but let out a little laugh, 'I've been worried all day about you too, you know. I was afraid you wouldn't do it. I was really afraid I pushed you too hard on this and didn't know if I would ever hear from you again.’

'Deels, I know I’m stubborn but I tend to come around after I've had a good think.’

'I know, I just wish they didn't take all day.’

The two shared a shy laugh and there was a comfortable silence between the two of them before Patsy spoke up once more.

'Would you…’ Patsy trailed off again, still feeling shy about telling Delia what she really wanted, 'I know it's late but, um…’

'You want to come over?’ Delia asked.

Patsy bolted upright, startling George, ‘I would absolutely love to come over.’

* * *

The week before, it had been Delia to come and visit Patsy's flat as she lived alone and had a barely used kitchen stocked with freshly purchased food Delia could explore in. The brunette came over nearly day thereafter so the two could spend time together to do as they pleased.

This evening was the first time Patsy had visited Delia's flat, and while it was a modest complex on the outside, Patsy barely paid attention to any if it as she was solely focused on seeing Delia. She was more than happy to find the door flying open when she barely knocked. Delia appeared in front of her wearing a comfortable looking jumper and jeans, her hair down around her shoulders. The smaller woman wrapped her arms around Patsy and kissed her, walking backwards as Patsy held on tight, not wanting her to fall. They kissed and giggled and Patsy was only knocked out of her euphoric daze when she heard the door slam behind them.

Patsy pulled away slightly to catch her breath, and something caught her eye. She looked over Delia's shoulder and saw four curious pairs of eyes peering over the sofas and table tops from the lounge and it took everything in Patsy not to drop the woman in her arms to the floor.

'Um Deels,’ Patsy said, desperately trying to peel Delia away from her but the woman had an iron grip around her neck, 'Deels,’ Patsy said a bit more urgently.

Delia finally blinked and let go, turning around and following Patsy gaze.

'Oh, sorry,’ Delia blushed as she disentangled herself and turned around, dragging Patsy by the arm into the lounge.

Patsy's eyes adjusted to the low lighting in the room. She saw three other women and one man sitting at a table looking as if they were in the midst of an elaborate board game.

'Patsy,’ Delia started, pointing to everyone in the room as she called them off, ‘this is my flatmate Cynthia, and my nursing school friends Jenny and Chummy, and Chummy’s boyfriend Peter.’

'Hello,’ Peter waved politely from the other side if the room.

‘Oh, hello,’ Patsy said, feeling rather shy all of a sudden, ‘um, are you all nurses like Delia?’ Patsy asked the room.

‘Peter’s a Constable!’ the rather large woman known as Chummy said proudly as she reached over to grasp his arm. The gesture had Peter smiling shyly and blushing.

'So you're Patsy, hmm?’ the woman introduced as Jenny said.

'I suppose I am,’ Patsy said, arching a curious eyebrow to Delia, wondering just what the brunette had mentioned about her to her friends. Delia merely grinned back up at her bashfully.

'She said you saved her life,’ Cynthia, the mousy one piped up.

'Well I wouldn't go so far as to say that…,’ Patsy blushed.

Chummy gasped, ‘Is that why you're dating now? Oh, that's so romantic!’ she gushed before turning to Peter, ‘Peter here saved my life, that's how we met! Terrible thing really, I was on my way home from visiting Mater and popped in the shop to get some cash and wouldn't you know it someone came in there and pointed a knife at me!’

Patsy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Not about someone attempting to stab her, but Patsy could hardly imagine anyone daring to attack a woman Chummy’s size. The woman was built like a tank in her own right and Patsy couldn't fathom a knife of any sort piercing her.

‘My life flashed before my eyes!’ Chummy continued, and Patsy couldn't help but notice a subtle eye roll from Jenny who seemed like she had heard this story a million times.

‘Thankfully in at that very moment my Peter showed up in uniform and just merely the sight of him had that good for nothing scurrying off back into the alleys. Such a shame the tosser got away, but if it weren't for him I would have never met my Peter,’ Chummy finished with an excited giggle as she affectionately squeezed Peters arm.

Patsy bit her lip to contain a smile. She had never come across someone as terribly awkward yet endearing as Chummy. She seemed like an absolute sweetheart, and though it looked as if anyone would be overwhelmed with the affection she was showing, Peter seemed over the moon in love and didn't mind her hanging onto him one bit.

'Will you be joining us, Patsy?’ Cynthia asked hopefully, reaching for some papers, 'We can make you a character right quick and play you in!’

'Um…’ Patsy looked down at the board skeptically. It looked like a graph chart with a myriad of hand painted plastic characters and colorful multi sided dice scattered about. She had no idea what they were playing but the enormous rule book laid out in front of Cynthia suggested that this was not something she could just hop right on in and join without a bit of instruction.

'Another time, Cynthia,’ Delia said to her flatmate, 'Patsy and I had a long day and are going to hang out in my room for a bit and chat.’

'Oh is that what you're calling it these days?’ Jenny quipped teasingly and Delia walked over to where she sat on the side and affectionately pinched her cheek while the others giggled.

Cynthia still seemed a little miffed, 'But what about the game?’ she said.

Delia rolled her eyes and sauntered over to the board game. She picked up a plastic dice with more sides than Patsy could count and seemed to purposefully make it land on a certain number.

'Oh no! Rolled a one. Guess the troll ate my character alive. I'm out.’

Cynthia huffed, crossing her arms rather annoyed as Delia skipped back over to Patsy, grabbing her by the arm once again and dragging her off somewhere.

'Nice to meet you all!’ Patsy called out as she was taken down a dark hallway and into a room she could only presume was Delia's.

Once again, Patsy needed to take a moment for her eyes to adjust to the low lighting. The room was modestly decorated with a matching ikea bed and a chest of drawers against one side, the walls lit with twinkling fairy lights and littered with pictures from home of her friends and family, the Welsh flag tacked up proudly above her bed.

Patsy smiled as she felt Delia hug her from behind.

'So what would you like to do tonight, hmm?’

'You’re letting me choose?’

Delia gave Patsy a tight squeezed before she released the redhead and took a seat on her bed.

'Of course, cariad, I think you've earned the chosen activity for the evening,’ she said, her voice laden with a suggestive tone.

Patsy licked her lips, wanting nothing more to join Delia on the bed and hug and kiss her all night long, but there was something, just one thing that had been bugging at her since early Friday morning and she needed to take care if it or else nothing they did would feel right to her.

'I just need to do one thing, Darling,’ Patsy said as she eyed the chest of drawers.

Delia tilted her head and raised an eyebrow curiously, 'What's that?’

Wordlessly, Patsy strode over to the chest of drawers and opened the top drawer. In one swift motion, she scooped up all of Delia's socks and tossed them in the air, holding her arms out and letting them fall all around her.

Patsy listened as Delia broke out into a happy laughter at her antics and Patsy began laughing herself as she felt Delia approach her, wrap her arms around her and guide the two of them to the floor where they lay on top of every sock Delia owned, intertwined their legs and kissed and giggled.

Patsy wrapped her arms around Delia, holding her tight as they kissed and for the first time that weekend, surrounded by Delia's socks with the smaller woman wrapped up in her arms, all finally felt right with her in the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Suckers Prayer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIRzteHpZ4Q) by The Decembrists is the song that becomes Patsy's obsession. I mean, how can you listen to this and not think this is something you need to drunkenly sing with all your friends during karaoke night at the seedy bar downtown? 
> 
> So we have Patsy breaking down and finally agreeing to therapy at the bequest of Delia, both of whom know it's for Patsy's own good. Let's tune in next week to see how that bodes for Patsy - and her relationship with Delia.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy's day off, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patsy finally goes to therapy and gets some clarity on a few things.

Patsy grimaced as she entered the waiting room that Friday morning. 

Her body was still pleasantly humming after another intense 5am workout at the crossfit gym with Valerie, and she had been feeling particularly proud of herself that she had been going on a regular basis, three times that week, with the junior nurse there to encourage and cheer her on. She was beginning to feel stronger and wide awake after these workouts, not feeling the need for coffee or tea afterwards, and she had drastically cut down on her smoking to keep up with all the running around. Another happy effect of all this change was that Delia was proud of her too, and it made Patsy all the more motivated to keep the trend going. 

Though, as soon as she walked in the door to that waiting room and looked around, her good mood faltered, and there was a familiar feeling of both dread and annoyance. Her lip curled involuntary at the sight, and she dragged her feet as she entered the room and closed the door behind her, feeling and looking much like a teenager begrudgingly taking on some chore they really did not want to do. 

She sat down on the leather sofa next to the door and it creaked and squeaked noisily under her as she shifted to get comfortable. Once she settled and all was quiet again, she looked around with a frown. There was beige. Lots of beige. There were several pieces of framed photos of people doing yoga poses on what looked like the beach at sunrise or on some foggy mountain top. Patsy stared at the pictures resentfully wondering what kinds of pretentious people had that kind of time to do that on a daily basis. She looked down in front if her to a mess of magazines displayed on the table, several with titles like _Psychology Today_ and _Health, Help, and Happiness_.

She slouched in her seat as the soft trickling of water caught her ear, and she looked over and saw one of those miniature Japanese water gardens made to look like a bonsai tree with some purple and green marble rolling along in place while water filled the little pool. It was sitting on a table nearby next to a varieties of herbal tea and Patsy glared at the whole thing spitefully. She was surprised there wasn't some CD playing in the background of wind chimes or Peruvian flute music, and she was glad there wasn't because it would only grate on her nerves even more. 

She understood all of this was supposed to portray some sort of relaxed atmosphere but all it did was get on her nerves. She didn't want to be reminded that she was in a therapist's office and this ambiance did nothing but. This whole room agitated her, the audacity of whomever put it together thinking a soft, boring color and little trinkets that made nature sounds would relax her. Her problems were a lot bigger than that. 

Part of her wanted to be hell-bent on being her cold and impersonal self. This was a medical professional after all. Not a friend. He was a stranger. How was she supposed to open up about her life to someone she didn't know. 

The door opening behind her caught her attention suddenly, and Patsy immediately sat up straight in her seat. She turned and saw a rather handsome man with curly blonde hair opening the door, dressed in a sensible v-neck jumper and black trousers. He smiled kindly at her and extended his hand. 

'Patience?’ He asked inquiringly. 

Patsy rose to return his greeting, he formal upbringing kicking in. 

'Patsy, if you please, Mr. Amos,’ she said as she shook his hand. 

'Of course,’ he nodded politely, 'you can call me Tony,’ he let go of Patsy's hands and stepped back, gesturing for get to walk into his office. 

Patsy entered and then stood still for a moment, taking in her surroundings. She saw that his office was very similar to the waiting room, except that she liked this setup much better. Exposed brick walls instead of the beige. No leather sofa, simple recliner chairs with a round coffee table between them, no magazines, and windows overlooking the city that let in the natural light of the morning. She looked to her left and saw a simple wooden desk with a computer and a few knick knacks, most notably a coffee cup with a small rainbow flag sticking out of it, and the sight of it oddly made her feel more calm. Her eyes rested on a framed photo of what looked like Tony with a woman and small child, a little girl, which she found a little peculiar. Was he married to a woman? Maybe he was bi? 

'My former spouse and my daughter in case you were wondering,’ Tony interjected into Patsy’s thoughts. 

Patsy blinked and found herself blushing, turning to see Tony smiling at her kindly with his hands in his pockets. 

'I hate saying _ex_ ,’ he shrugged, 'implies there's animosity between the two of us, but the divorce was very amicable when we did finally split.’ 

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,’ Patsy said, ‘It’s none of my business,’ she finished quickly, looking away. 

‘That’s perfectly alright,’ Tony said reassuringly, ‘I don’t mind talking about it, especially with new clients.’ 

‘I see,’ Patsy nodded, clasping her hands behind her back, her eyes lingering on the rainbow flag once more. 

Patsy blinked and looked back to Tony, who smiled knowingly. He turned towards a little stand by his desk with an electric kettle and an assortment of teas with accompanying paper cups. 

‘We divorced because I’m gay, and I’m not at all ashamed to say so. Not anymore,’ he said as he poured himself some hot water. 

‘Oh?’ Patsy replied, trying to remain polite but not wanting to let on just how much her interest had suddenly been piqued to hear his story. 

Mmhmm,’ Tony replied as he rifled through the variety of teas, ‘I spent most my life trying to rid myself of being the way I am. Grew up in a strict Baptist family. No alcohol in the house, went to church every Sunday and Bible study at least twice a week,’ he closed his eyes and nodded his head along as he relayed his past schedule, ‘Thought I wanted to be a pastor myself until I got older and realized I was in denial about my sexuality. I couldn't bring myself to commit fully to the church before I at least attempted to nip the pesky little thing in the bud.’ 

He paused for a moment to steep his tea, 'I spent many months in therapy trying to rid myself of it, the _unnatural_ thoughts and urges. The desires I had no control over,’ he turned back to face Patsy before continuing, ‘Thought if I prayed enough and asked God's forgiveness it would cure me. Let me go on to live a somewhat _normal_ life, and for awhile I thought I could do it,’ he shrugged, ‘I met Marie through church and fell in love with her. We were married and created our beautiful girl and for a moment everything just felt like it was falling into place. I was with a good, Christian woman whom I loved, and who loved me, we had started a family, I had a good job, good standing in the church and yet…’ Tony trailed off, sticking his free hand in his pocket and shrugging, 'at the time, I was having suicidal thoughts, and deep down I knew it was because I was denying a part of myself that so desperately needed to be free. To be expressed,’ he smiled sadly at Patsy and steeped his tea, ‘I got myself back in therapy eventually, only this time it was to learn to accept myself as I am.’

Patsy returned his sad smile, and watched as Tony sighed and continued. 

'It was tough, when I came out. Couldn't show my face at church, I was practically disowned. My family didn't want to speak to me and my in-laws we're appalled, thinking I had somehow led their daughter into a false marriage. They couldn't understand that I had been this way my whole life. Thought I had been corrupted somehow. It was hard for them to grasp that I had been raised to _be_ a certain way and, even though it went against my natural grain, I just… went along with it because it was what was expected of me by my family and, well, society really, as a whole.’

'I'm so sorry,’ Patsy interjected, 'that must have felt terribly isolating…’

Tony merely smiled and sipped his tea, 'Yes, I thought I was going to be forever cut from my community and family. I thought Marie was going to take our daughter away from me, but you know, time has a way of healing people. She was hurt, of course, but Marie could see the pain I was in, and even though at the time she didn't agree with it, she still saw me as a person. Knew I was still a good father and partner to her, though she came to realize I could never be the partner she needed me to be. Tea?’

'Oh,’ Patsy was rather taken aback at the sudden question, but she only took a moment to compose herself and respond, ‘why, yes, thank you.’

Tony poured her a cup of hot water as he continued, 'So, after a lot of heartfelt talks, we filed for a divorce with joint custody of our girl, and are still very good friends to this day.’ 

Tony handed her the cup of tea with a shy smile, 'She's happily remarried now and, so am I. It will be three years in April with my husband,’ he finished, rather proud. 

Patsy smiled shyly as she took her tea, 'My, that's… congratulations,’ she uttered, not knowing what else to say, 'What does… what does your husband think of your story?’ 

'Hes glad my initial conversation therapy didn't work. They damn well tried to neuter me,’ he quipped low under his breath as he took another sip of tea. 

Patsy couldn't help but smirk slightly, looking down with a slight blush into her own cup. 

'I… experienced something similar growing up,’ she started softly, finally looking up and giving Tony an emphatic smile, 'was sent away for some therapy to try and make me... straight.’

'Didn't work did it,’ he said smiling knowingly. 

'Does it ever?’ Patsy shrugged, giving a thoughtful smile. 

Tony nodded his head towards the two chairs on the other side if the room, 'Want to have a seat and tell me about it?’ 

Patsy nodded, thinking that she actually did want to talk about it because, for the first time ever, she would be telling someone who could actually understand. 

The next several moments were spent with Patsy eloquently briefing Tony on her life in a nutshell, starting with her experience in conversion therapy, backtracking to talk about her parents relationship with one another, her fathers domestic abuse, how they came to die, Patsy's body issues because of her scars, her issues with her own sexuality, and her tendency to self harm to relieve herself if her stress and anxiety. 

'That was until recently, actually,’ Patsy interjected finishing off her tea, 'I used to do it on a near daily basis and… I haven't felt the need to do that for several weeks now.’ 

'Oh? ‘ Tony asked, finally interjecting in Patsy's story with a question, ‘any particular reason?’ 

Patsy faltered for a moment, knowing that the main reason was Delia. She blushed, feeling nervous all of a sudden. She wasn't used to talking to anyone about Delia. Was she even allowed to mention her by name to a therapist? 

'I, um, I started seeing someone, and well…’ Patsy's hands started fidgeting with the now empty paper cup in her hands, 'this is a judgement free place, right?’ Patsy asked, stealing the phrase she learned from Delia. 

Tony laughed, settling into his chair a but more and crossing his legs, 'Patsy of course this is. Everything stays within these walls, and just between you and I. You're safe here, I assure you.’

Patsy took another deep breath and looked towards the window, too shy to look Tony in the eye, 'Well, she's forbidden me to do it to myself,’ Patsy stopped herself suddenly, ‘No, wait, I shouldn’t say that because I don’t want you to think she controls me. She doesn’t at all. It’s more…’ Patsy bit her lip, searching for the words, ‘it’s more like I’m letting her use this as a way to keep me from doing it myself because… I know I’m very much in my right to do whatever I want to do with my own body, unhealthy or not, but I think… I think it started with me caring more about _her_ feelings towards how I treated myself, rather than how I felt about myself at the time. Her caring about my body is actually making _me_ care about it,’ Patsy sighed, ‘so… she made a rule that if I feel like doing it, felt like hurting myself, I have to come to her and ask permission. I know she would never give it to me, that permission, so I haven't asked, and thus, I’ve been able to find other ways of dealing with my stress.’

‘Like what?’ Tony asked.

‘Oh,’ Patsy paused for a moment thinking, ‘I suppose what people usually do. I took up going to the gym, I’ve rearranged my schedule somewhat at work to take more time off, I sleep and eat more regularly now, with my girlfriends help…’ Patsy trailed off, blushing slightly, thinking that this was the first time she had referred to Delia as her girlfriend. It made her feel rather giddy, if she were honest with herself. 

Patsy was tearing apart the paper cup in her hands now, fidgeting nervously but knowing it was important to get this out. Of all the things she talked about so far, she really wanted his opinion most on what she was about to reveal.

‘Also, I… we’ve… done some things… established rules around it. Boundaries. She knows I still feel pleasure from pain and will only do things I ask for if I'm completely relaxed. Not anxious or stressed out at all, because she doesn't want me to seek out pain as a way to relieve stress anymore. Instead we do it for, um…’

‘Orgasms,’ Tony deadpanned and Patsy felt a bit blush crawl up from her chest to the tips of her ears. 

'Um, yes. Yes, that'd be it,’ Patsy eked out, swallowing a lump in her throat. 

Tony merely laughed, though there was no judgement in his tone, 'Patsy, that's perfectly fine if that's what you want.’

A wave of relief washed over her, 'Really? You don't think it's wrong given that I was… you know, as a kid?’ Patsy raked her hands through her hair and she couldn’t help the blathering that came out next, ‘Only because we had a fight over it once when she said she thought it was weird and even though we got past it, it’s planted this seed of doubt in my brain that maybe it _is_ weird or fucked up and it’s wrong for me to like it at all?’ 

‘Patsy,’ Tony sat up in his chair and help his hands out for Patsy to stop, 'I assure you, it’s not weird at all. In fact many survivors of trauma partake in BDSM play as a coping mechanism.’

Patsy blinked. 

'BDSM?’ she remarked, slightly taken aback, ‘Doesn't that involve leather and dungeons and public humiliation or something of that nature?’ 

Tony chuckled, ‘Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism,’ he sounded off, ‘It can be practiced for many different reasons. It can be a sexual practice, about power dynamics, or experiencing pain as pleasure. Play can even be used as a tool to help process trauma,’ he shrugged, ‘However you want to do it is entirely within the context of your relationship. All that matters is that you're with a partner who listens to you and adheres to whatever boundaries you two have set for one another.'

Patsy watched as Tony rose from his seat and went to fill more hot water into his cup.

‘After experiencing a traumatic event,’ Tony continued, ‘where one felt utterly powerless, hopeless, feared death would result, or felt invaded… taking back control over their body can be extremely empowering. It’s an act of reclamation in the face of fear. It can teach someone to use their voice and speak out when lines have been crossed.’ 

Tony moved to sit back down in his chair and Patsy watched him, absolutely captivated with what he was saying. She felt as if this was exactly what she and Delia had been doing. 

She willed herself to take a deep breath and try to not feel so embarrassed anymore, 'So, um, how do people… survivors of trauma partake in it, exactly?’ 

'Well,’ Tony looked up in thought, 'ones body becomes a medium of healing through these cathartic scenes. Some survivors of sexual assault even choose to play out a scene similar to their assault, but with a different end result. They come away feeling a huge sense of release and healing. Which, personally, I think makes so much sense, because trauma can play in a loop in your brain until you break that cycle with different or new information.’

Patsy looked back at Tony like a deer in headlights. 

'Reenact?’ she merely said, her mind suddenly flashing back to her and Delia's afternoon in the cabin where they planned out s scene and acted it out. A scene where she was caught being naughty and she was given a spanking, very much like how she would have been as a child. Instead of feeling terrified of breaking the rules and being flogged, the experience with Delia was fun and thrilling. It was loving and sexy _because_ Patsy took a familiar instance from her childhood and flipped the script to where she was the one who was entirely in control of the whole scenario. She changed the ending from her own traumatic experiences and was able to associate the experience with pleasure instead of terror. 

'Typically I spend several sessions with my clients creating stable coping mechanisms and boundaries for them around their triggers, discussing their boundaries and their hard ‘no’s,’ Tony continued, studying Patsy's face, 'I then expose the client to talking about and remembering details of the trauma in a safer space to be able to process through it. This allows the trauma to exist in a container, separate from the rest of everyday life, because, in a BDSM scene, the second aspect is the play,’ Tony continued, taking a sip of his tea, ‘BDSM play is a chance to experience pain, fear, excitement, arousal and adrenaline in a safe and contained way. You get to decide what type of scene you want to do. If you’re the submissive, you’re allowed to safeword out if you begin to feel triggered. Which makes it a safer place to explore trauma.’

Patsy blushed and looked away. That’s another thing they had done, reenact a scene from Patsy's traumatic past, play out a scene they had discussed beforehand, given her safe words to ‘out’ herself from a scene if she didn’t like it. Had they been like this the whole time? 

‘The final process for trauma work is integration,’ Tony continued, ‘I work with the client to integrate them back into daily life and use the skills from step one in case of triggers.’ 

Tony silently sipped his tea and looked to Patsy, who felt as if she were breaking out into a cold sweat, still staring blankly in disbelief that sheand Delia had been partaking in BDSM without her even knowing it!

‘Though judging by the look on your face it seems you've already skipped ahead several steps,’ Tony remarked, looking to Patsy expectantly. 

'I’m just realizing that now, yes,’ Patsy remarked as she looked down at the paper cup in her hands and saw that it had been completely ripped to shreds. 

‘And how does it feel?’ 

Patsy let out an exasperated breath, ‘Well, quite honestly I’ve been completely fine with what we’ve been doing, I just had no idea it was that… that it was part of BDSM. I honestly just thought it was a bit of spanking. But you mention the power dynamics, the safe words, the pleasure from pain, using my body as a medium to feel catharsis from the scenes we talk out… I’m just realizing I’ve been completely clueless that we were partaking in this. That this could even be used as part of recovering from trauma.’ 

‘Given what I’ve told you, would you say you and your girlfriend are doing well when you act these scenes out? Do you feel safe with her? Does she listen to you when you say your safe words?’

‘Yes. Yes to all of it, honestly. She has gone above and beyond, I think… more so than anyone else I’ve ever been with, to put my pleasure and consent above all else. To treat my body with respect… with respect that I didn’t care enough to give it, that’s for sure.’

Patsy paused for a moment, her mind drifting to all the things that Delia had pushed her to do to be better. Keeping her from biting herself, most of all, and then encouraging her to eat better, to take her time at work and make an effort to get to know the others. Letting Delia into her life had made her happy but was that healthy? What was the difference between Delia merely being a good influence in Patsy's life and her being her some source if happiness? And if the latter, wouldn't that make their relationship a deeply unhealthy one?

'Tony, may I ask for your opinion on something? 

'What's that?’

'I, well… I haven't been seeing my girlfriend for long, only for a few weeks so far, and we fight sometimes but we always make up afterwards and it's just… I don't know. I'm afraid it's too good to be true. She's a big part of why I've been working to be better. Why I'm even here talking with you, honestly and I just… part if me sees this… sees her as a good thing and I want to pour my heart and soul into this relationship, to make it work in the long run. The other part of me doesn't want to get to invested in case… in case…’ 

'It doesn't work out?’

Patsy nodded, 'She makes me so happy but I’m happy being alone, too. Makes me wonder if I should keep it that way. I'll be less heartbroken in the end, if it comes to it.’

‘Patsy,’ Tony started, and Patsy looked over to see him shaking his head slightly, ‘you might do well to keep in mind that no one's significant other is going to meet _all_ their needs _all_ the time. You should certainly invest in your relationship with your girlfriend, but remember to invest in your other relationships, too. In the village that is Patsy's life, your girlfriend is merely a single entity that will meet _some_ of your needs _some_ of the time. For all the others, you need to fill your village with those who will meet those needs your girlfriend does not meet.’ 

'So you're saying I need friends even though I would rather be alone, hmm?’ Patsy asked, resting her chin in her hand. 

Tony shrugged, 'In that regard, all I'm saying is don't indulge your happiness in solitude so much that you lose the capacity to find happiness in others,’ he finished softly. 

It was then that the clock on the wall chimed, announcing the hour had ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, I had a bit of a conundrum this week. 
> 
> See, I've been married 6 months already and the Mrs. and I will finally be going on our honeymoon. Given that, I had the choice of leaving you with one nice long chapter like I usually do, but then it would be radio silence for the next three weeks. Or, I could post shorter than typical chapters on the regular schedule so you'll have a lil somethin somethin to read as usual. As you can probably guess, I went for the second choice. 
> 
> So, the next few chapters will be a little shorter than I usually post, but they go over how Patsy spends her day off, and let me tell you, we've got a lot to look forward to. Therapy is done for now, so let's move on to a bit of angst next chapter, shall we? Tune in next week for some very special guest stars!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy's day off, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patsy catches up with an important person in her life.

Before she left, Patsy had decided to make a standing appointment with Tony on her days off, and they bid each other a polite ‘until next time’ as she headed out the door. She left the office feeling rather rejuvenated, thinking that it was nice for a change to have someone she could talk to that could empathize with her about her background, and about things she couldn't talk to anyone else about, especially about Delia. 

There was only one other person alive that Patsy could think of that had any idea about her life. That had any shared experience with her at all, and the thought of that person carried her feet for several blocks until Patsy looked up at her surroundings and found herself in an neighborhood with marble rowhomes and pristine tree lined streets. She had walked to Chelsea, and looked upon a familiar home she hadn't seen with her own eyes in several years. 

Patsy rested a hand on the steel gate that lined the property as she took in the appearance of the house. It was well kept, even in the winter like this, the garden in the front looked like it was well tended. She wondered if they still lived here. She wondered if maybe in the years that had gone past they had moved out of the city. 

'Well as I live and breathe,’ came a voice that Patsy recognized immediately. 

Patsy turned her head to the sound of the voice and saw a woman approach. Long blonde hair fell around her shoulders, bundled up from the cold while she pushed a pram carrying a sleeping baby boy. 

She looked just as Patsy remembered seeing her last. 

'Sophie,’ Patsy smiled at the sight of her sister. 

Sophie blinked and let out a breath of air that she seemed to have been holding in, looking as if she couldn't believe Patsy was standing there in front of her. 

'Pats…,’ Sophie shook her head in disbelief, a breath escaping her lips that came out in a white cloud that disappeared around her head, 'What on Earth are you doing here? I haven't seen you since the wedding.’

Patsy sighed, looking down at the baby as a wave of guilt washed over her. She had apparently missed out on a lot in her sisters life in the three years since they last saw one another. Their relationship had divulged to the occasional birthday or Christmas card that revealed no personal information whatsoever about what was going on in the others life. The Mount family had fallen apart when they were young and neither she nor Sophie were ever particularly close as sisters, turning out to have vastly different personalities as they aged, Patsy being the misanthrope while Sophie was the funny, bubbly extroverted one. The only thing they really had in common was their shared background, and that the two had grown very good at concealing their true feelings. 

'I was just around, I suppose,’ Patsy said half-heartedly as she stuck her hands in her pockets, feeling shy and ashamed, 'and for some crazy reason I thought… well I don't know what I thought. I was thinking of you and thought it was about time I come round for a visit.’

‘Oh,’ Sophie sighed, exasperated, ‘you just thought you would pop by, hmm? No word from you for ages and you just appear out of the blue. Everything always still on your terms, ey Pats?’ 

Patsy sighed, knowing her sister was right to be angry, so she remained silent. 

The baby in the pram fussed and both Patsy and Sophie looked down at him. 

'He's probably hungry,’ Sophie said terse, thought causing slightly before speaking again, seeming to have made a decision to let Patsy visit with them, ‘Why don't we go inside out of the cold? I'll make a cuppa?’ 

Patsy nodded with a hopeful smile and opened the gate for her sister, and followed her inside the house. 

Sophie led Patsy to the kitchen where she was instructed to sit at the table in the corner. Patsy removed her coat and hung it on the back of her chair before she sat and silently observed her surroundings for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. The house was nice. From what she could see the kitchen was set up for cooking but it looked in such immaculate condition that Patsy didn't think anyone actually cooked in it. Stainless steel pots and pans hung from hooks in the ceiling, there were granite countertops and shiny appliances that didn't look like they were ever used. 

Sophie put some water in the kettle as she held her son over her shoulder. She brought over a tin of biscuits and sat at the table across from Patsy as she opened her shirt and began breastfeeding her son, draping a flannel over her chest to cover herself. 

'So,’ she sighed as she settled in, forcing a smile, 'What have you been up to?’

'What have _I_ been up to!’ Patsy asked, feeling rather shocked, 'Sophie, you've had a baby!’

'Seems so,’ Sophie said, her expression souring. 

Patsy’s expression became completely confounded, ‘Were you… were you ever going to even tell me? Tell me that you’re a mum now? That I have a nephew?’ 

‘I…,’ Sophie started, looking away, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she worked to control her temper, ‘Patsy, quite honestly I'm not sure why you're getting so worked up about it. Not once have you ever shown any interest in my life,’ she glared at Patsy, shifting her son against her slightly, ‘when you left after Gran died… I barely heard from you. Hardly ever sent a birthday card, never wanted to spend holidays together. You didn't want to be there for anything important that happened in my life,’ she frowned, shrugging as she ticked off a few things, ‘My 18th birthday. My uni graduation… and it was like pulling teeth to get you to come to my wedding. The wedding of your only sister, Pat's, and even then you left early. Didn't even stay for the reception because you said you were on call. You couldn't take one lousy day off to be there for me on my day? Your only sister? It meant so much to me that you were there Pat's. You're the only person on the planet who was there with me through… everything.’ 

Patsy remained silent, her finger in her mouth chewing frantically at a nail as she felt her anxiety grow, but she knew it as all true. She had been absolutely awful to her sister for over a decade and she deserved to hear it. She kept quiet and allowed Sophie to continue until she was done. 

'Pats, I wanted to share so much with you. You know how hard I took mums death. The horrible way _he_ treated her,’ she seethed, Patsy knowing that neither of them have ever prefered to refer to the man that was married to their mother their father, ‘It took years for me to learn to trust men again after all that, to trust someone enough to know they wouldn't treat me the same way.’ 

Sophie situated herself so she was covered again and threw a flannel over her shoulder. She gently placed her son on the flannel and began to gently rub his back. 

‘I don't know what I've ever done to you. I know we have our differences but I can't possibly think of anything I’ve ever done to you for you to dislike me so much. And after you just left my wedding… my one day where I could be around the people in my life that matter to me the most, whom I love with all my heart…. Including you… and you just… you just left. You just left and I realized you just… I felt like I had given you enough chances to… to… I don't know. I reckoned that you walking out was the last time I was ever going to see you. And I was angry with myself for thinking that my wedding would somehow make you different. Make you put someone else's needs before yours for once. I suppose I just wanted you to show me that I mattered to you. But you didn't. You were your same old self and you left.’

Patsy sighed, her heart weighing heavily in her chest as she looked at her sister through glazed eyes. She blinked back tears, her mind completely at loss of words, how to even begin to respond to that. Everything her sister had just admitted. 

How could she be so selfish to have thought no one cared about her until recently when Sophie had been here the whole time. 

The water bubbling noisily in the kettle broke her from her thoughts, and Patsy slowly rose from her place at the table, the wooden chair scraping noisily against the floor. She walked to the counter and poured the bubbling water into two mugs, steeping the English breakfast that was left out. Patsy returned to the table and placed the mugs between the two of them. When she looked back at her sister, Sophie was looking away, her face red. She looked as if she had been harshly wiping away her own tears while Patsy's back had been turned. 

With another deep breath, her gaze focused on her fingers in her lap, Patsy finally spoke. 

‘I was in a bad place for a long time Sophie,’ she started quietly, taking a moment to pause and think of her words before continuing, ‘I never had a good sense of what it meant to be a good person. To be a good sister. To be part of a family that made me feel I belonged with them. That made me feel loved. I… I grew up into an adult that didn't know how to love myself… and didn't know how to love others-,’

'You weren't the only one, you know,’ Sophie cut her off harshly, ‘I was hit, too. I didn't turn out like you.’ 

'I know,’ Patsy said sadly, 'and to be honest… I hate myself thinking what I could have done to protect you… to keep you from that.’

‘That wasn't _your_ job, Pats,’ Sophie stressed, swallowing a lump in her throat before lowering her voice, 'and you know it. We were kids for Christ sake. Do you really think… do you think I've been holding _that_ against you? After all this time?’

Her expression was ernest and she shook her head disbelievingly as she shifted her son in her arms, cradling him now as he yawned and stretched his balled fists out. 

‘And what do you mean when you say you didn't feel like you belonged?’ Sophie continued, ‘We’re a family. I've always been proud that you were my sister… I don't know. It just seemed that right before Gran died you had changed. You were depressed and indifferent and you just… shut me out. Still to this day I wrack my brain wondering what happened. If it was something from our past or if I had done something…,’ she trailed off, looking to Patsy hopefully. 

Patsy shook her head, ‘Sophie, no… it's entirely about me, alright? You've never done anything wrong. It's just… everything that happened when we were kids, and then living away from one another at school when Gran looked after us and just…’ Patsy looked away and brought a hand to her mouth. Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest as she carefully thought out her next words. It was about time that Sophie knew, if she didn't already. 

‘Do you remember the summer I was away before my sixth form?’ Patsy asked, looking to Sophie's face for any sign of recognition, ‘When I had to transfer schools last minute?’

Sophie shrugged, 'Gran said you were at some sort of A-level prep course. Needed a bit of help with your maths or something.’

Patsy shook her head, feeling rather sad, 'You really… you never found out where I actually was, did you? Where she sent me?’ 

Sophie looked panicked, 'Why, what happened? Where were you?’

'The year before my last… I had a girlfriend. At school,’ Patsy started slowly, still unsure exactly how Sophie would take the news of her being gay. 

'A girlfriend?’ Sophie repeated.

'Yes,’ Patsy fidgeted somewhat in her seat and tried not to let her sisters surprised gaze affect her too much, 'As in a romantic love interest, not just a friend.’ 

Patsy chanced a look to her sister to gauge her reaction, and the younger woman remained stoic, yet enthralled. She took that as a sign to continue. 

'Well, anyway, we were caught. She was pulled from school and sent elsewhere and I finished out the year before I was sent to that camp,’ Patsy said bitterly, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair, 'bombarded with propaganda, Bible study, how to live a good Christian heterosexual life…,’ Patsy stopped to look at her sister, 'No offense.’ 

Sophie let out a strained laugh, 'Jesus Pats, none taken. I didn't think those things existed in the UK. You were really sent to one of _those_ places?’

Patsy merely nodded, 'Yes. And I left with a warped sense of my self worth,’ she said as she fidgeted with her fingers once more. Patsy stopped herself and grasped her mug of tea with both hands before she continued. 

‘Everything from the child abuse to that bloody therapy left me feeling pretty worthless as a human being, just a useless burden on our family and society in general. I was made my whole life to feel wrong. Like I was nothing special and I should just keep my head down and not have to pretend I had any self worth. Not trust any one. Push people away. Like I said, I never thought I was made to feel like I belonged in this family. Not as I was born. I grew to hate myself. I loathed everything about myself and my life up until that point and for years now I've been walking around feeling so empty on the inside. I've done nothing but bury myself in my work this last decade because it makes me feel useful. It makes me feel needed, and no one has to know what I'm really like. No one is judging me when I'm helping them heal or bringing new life into their world.’

Patsy took a moment to take a breath and sip her tea before she continued. 

‘And so… back then I shut you out, and honestly it was completely unintentional. I assure you, you did nothing to deserve it. It was mostly because I didn't feel like I was worth having around in your life when you seemed so… so much better off than me. So well adjusted. And straight. That damn camp made me feel like such a pariah that I just didn't think you would want me around anyway if you knew the truth about me, just like Gran.’

Patsy took another sip of tea and looked down to see that her nephew was staring at her with big blue eyes. The sight melted her heart a little and she felt more calm. She took another breath and set her tea down on the table before continuing. 

‘Then I watched you get married. You looked so happy that day. So beautiful. You had a new family who could be there for you and who could love you in a way that we never could. And I left thinking you were better off. You were finally with people who could love you in the way that you deserved.’

‘Patsy,’ Sophie interjected, looking pleadingly to Patsy, ‘I don't care at all that you're gay. I don't care at all, and, oh God, all this time I thought it was you who wanted nothing to do with me for whatever reason, so I just stopped trying to reach out and now… God all this time,’ she sniffed, 'Pats if.. if you think I could ever replace you as my family then you're wrong,’ Sophie sniffed again as fat tears began to roll down her cheeks and off her chin, ‘Pats…,’ she started once more, clenching her teeth to suppress a sob, 'do you have any idea how much I've missed you?’ 

Sophie finally broke down and let out an aching sob, tucking her chin to her chest to try and hide herself. 

Patsy pulled her chair forward and wrapped her arms around Sophie, enveloping her sister and her nephew in a tight embrace. 

'I’m sorry,’ Patsy breathed as she tucked her head into Sophie's shoulder, working to hold back her own tears, 'Sophie I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I promise. I’m here.’

Sophie took her free arm and wrapped it tight around Patsy’s body, holding he close as she sobbed into Patsy’s shoulder. Patsy held on tight as she let her sister cry, not caring that Sophie was soaking her shirt as memories of holding her like this when they were younger suddenly flashed through her mind. She squelched her feelings of anxiety that rose within her and tried hard to focus on her sister, on her grief. 

No, Patsy thought, this wasn’t grief. This was healing. For both of them. 

The two sisters hugged tight for some time before Sophie's crying subsided, and the two finally pulled away, Patsy reaching over to wipe a few tears from her sisters cheek. 

‘I still have my problems, Sophie,’ she said softly, ‘but I’m taking the steps needed to make myself better for… for everyone. Including myself. And I mean it when I say I’m here. I want to be here for you and little…’ 

Patsy looked down at the blue eyes baby in her arms and realized her sister never told her his name. 

‘Teddy,’ Sophie said. 

Patsy smiled, ‘After Pop?’ she asked, referring to their mothers father. 

Sophie smiled and nodded, ‘I’ve always liked his name, and he was so good to us when he was alive, you remember?’ 

Patsy nodded, fondly recalling those few summers spent with him before he fell ill, tending the garden, swimming in the pool, and Christmas holidays with him surprising them in the mornings dressed as Santa passing out presents for the two of them. 

‘His middle name is Daniel,’ Sophie continued, seeming rather proud, ‘after Michael's grandfather. Thought it was a rather good choice, don’t you think?’ she paused and took a breath, ‘Theodore Daniel Rappaport,’ she said, and looked to Patsy, ‘Thought it rather sounded like a name that commanded power.’ 

‘No doubt he’ll be prime minister someday,’ Patsy quipped with a smile. 

‘Well,’ Sophie said as she rose from her seat, ‘now that the two of you are acquainted, I think he would appreciate being held by his Auntie while his mum went off to go and blow her nose.’ 

Patsy sat back in her seat and let Sophie hand Teddy over to her, and Patsy cradled the baby in her arms, his eyes wide and curious as he looked at her and cooed. 

Patsy couldn’t help but smile as she rocked him in her arms, bringing him up slightly so she could nuzzle her nose against the little fuzzies on top of his head before she placed a sweet kiss there. 

‘How old is he?’ Patsy called to her sister in the kitchen. 

‘Just turned three months!’ she replied. 

‘Oh,’ Patsy looked back down at Teddy with a smile, ‘you’re a new year baby, hmm?’ she leaned down to nuzzle against him once more when a feeling of dread washed over her. She thought about how if she hadn’t had this day off she would have missed this. She wouldn’t have gone to therapy. She wouldn’t have gone to the gym. If she hadn’t met Delia, none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have felt the way she felt now. She wouldn’t have seen her sister and she wouldn’t have known about Teddy. 

She hugged the small baby closer to her as she felt tears prick at her eyes. 

Her selfish attitude had caused her to miss the birth of her first nephew. To be there for her sister and brother in law while they brought their first child into their lives. 

She blinked back her tears and let Teddy reach out and grasp his little hand around her pinky finger as she looked down at him.

New year. New baby. Fresh starts. Maybe that's what this day was all about. 

Patsy could feel herself changing, for the better. She knew she would never be prefect. She would never fully recover and never fully heal from the horrors of her past, never fully feel like she would fully repent for her terrible behavior. 

Though, looking down at the innocent face of her gorgeous, blue eyed nephew, she began to think that she could keep going. She could think back on this face and remember how she felt in this moment, that there was now this little person in her life she wanted to be a good aunt to. She wanted to be here for him and to be the best version of herself that she could be. If she didn't feel like working out, going to therapy, if she felt like lashing out or being stubborn when she knew she didn't need to, she could think of this face. This boy whose life she almost missed out on because of her selfish ways. 

Patsy closed her eyes and kissed Teddy once more on the forehead and sighed, whispering, ‘Never again. I won’t miss another important moment in your life so long as I live.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everyone doesn't hate me for straying too far from Cannon and giving Patsy a sister who is alive. All part of her healing process. Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy's Day Off Part III

Patsy left her sister's home after they had made plans for Patsy to visit on a regular basis. She would come round for tea on her days off like this after her therapy so she and her sister could catch up properly and she could see Teddy regularly.

 

She zipped up her coat and shoved her hands in her pockets as she walked along the streets of Chelsea, her body still rather humming with adrenaline as she thought back on what she and her sister chatted about after the two had put Teddy down for his morning nap. Sophie had been so excited to catch Patsy up on what had been going on in her life the last three years, how she and Michael were still as much in love as they were on their wedding day, how he was getting on with his job, the birth of Teddy and how they were excited to have more children when the time was right. Patsy interjected that she would be happy to act as midwife for any future children she had.

 

'Are you happy working?’ Sophie asked as she refreshed Patsy's hot water, 'I mean, given… you know, the money we received when Gran died. I figured you would have done something more with it.’

 

'I did do something with it,’ Patsy remarked, thinking back to when she received her share of the rather large inheritance and threw the vast majority of it into the market because she didn't know what else to do with it. She had spent the last 10 years watching her money rise and dip with the trends of the market, but mostly rise. The amount she had in the market had grown so vast that she found it rather overwhelming and thought it best to keep living her life and not think about it for the time being.

 

'Yes but I thought you would have bought into some real estate at least,’ Sophie remarked, blowing on her tea.  

 

Patsy shook her head, 'I can't believe you threw the bulk of yours into buying this house,’ she marveled slightly as she looked around.

 

'I bought it outright, thank you, and I don't regret it. No mortgage payment and,’ she pointed a finger toward the ceiling, 'this property alone has gone up by 10 million in the last 10 years since I bought it.’

 

Patsy nearly spit out her tea, 'Ten! Blimey. Suppose I've missed my chance.’

 

'There's never a bad time to get into real estate, Pat's,’ Sophie nodded knowingly.

 

Patsy rolled her eyes, ‘That's debatable. You bought it when the price was rock bottom after the crash, didn’t you? Besides, if I'm going to spend my money I would rather do something fun. Maybe retire at a ridiculously early age. Move to Fiji. Take up surfing and sit on the beach and eat mangos every day for the rest of my life.’

 

'Are you serious or are you just making this up?’ Sophie asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow to Patsy.

 

Patsy shrugged and sipped her tea.

 

'You don't have plans for… I don't know, marriage? A family? Anything remotely like that?’ Sophie asked.

 

Patsy faltered, clearing her throat somewhat as she thought about her question.

 

'Teddy could use some cousins, you know,’ Sophie quipped as she sipped her tea, looking to Patsy expectantly.

 

'Ah, well,’ Patsy blushed bashfully under her sisters gaze, ‘I honestly thought it wasn’t in the cards for me. Never really had a long term relationship and over the years have just... kind of busied myself in my work. I do genuinely enjoy being a nurse and midwife,’ Patsy said reassuringly, ‘I'm good at it. Damn good at it. I like helping people and giving back to the community in that small way, and I just,’ Patsy shrugged, 'I don't know. I'm already in my 30’s and have only just started seeing someone that has some potential. Nowhere near close to even hinting at long term though, let alone marriage and kids,’ Patsy blushed profusely at the thought of marrying Delia. It still bothered her slightly that Delia was so young, and at 21, Patsy couldn’t imagine Delia would even entertain the idea of marriage at her age. Even then, Patsy wouldn’t be comfortable broaching the subject until Delia was at least 25 and she felt ready for it. If they were still together then. Even so, which one of them would have children? Would Patsy be too old by then?

 

Patsy blinked and shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of these thoughts.

 

Three weeks, Patsy, she thought to herself, you’ve been together three weeks, get a grip.  

'Oh!’ Sophie exclaimed, and Patsy looked up at her rather startled, ‘so you are seeing someone!’

 

Patsy could feel her ears turn red under her sisters gaze. She placed her tea down on the table and rubbed the back of her neck shyly.

 

'Ah, yeah, suppose for a few weeks now...’ Patsy trailed off, unsure of what to say.

 

'Well how is it? What's she like? It is another woman isn't it? How did you meet? Things going well, yeah? Shall I invite her round for tea? Oh, I do want to meet her now, this is exciting!’

 

Patsy looked back at her sister with wide eyes as her brain processed her sisters enthusiastic questions, watching the woman practically bounce in her seat.

 

'Um, well, to start,’ Patsy began slowly, 'Yes, she is a woman-,’

 

'What's her name?’ Sophie interrupted.

 

'Her name is Delia,’ Patsy said, narrowing her eyes.

 

'Oh, such a pretty name,’ her sister swooned, 'Where is she from?’

 

'Wales.’

 

'Oh, pretty accent too!’

 

'I find your enthusiasm a tad unsettling,’ Patsy said, crossing her arms and playfully eyeing her sister skeptically. She wondered if Sophie was genuinely excited or if she just thought having a gay sister was kitschy and different, therefore making _her_ more interesting in turn. Something she can boast to her straight friends about, no doubt.

 

'I’m sorry I can't help it. All my friends are married with children and I just love new romance and I'm just so happy for you and I want to hear all about it!’

 

'Alright just…,’ Patsy sighed, ‘this is still pretty new, OK?

 

'OK,’ Sophie said as she sipped her tea, batting her eyelashes. Patsy resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

 

'I just don't want you to get your hopes up if it doesn't work out.’

 

'Alright, Patsy alright, just tell me about her already!’

 

'Well we met at work…,’ Patsy trailed off, thinking she would be alright if she left out the little detail that she was Delia’s boss, ‘And at first I hated her and was a complete and total shit to her. I'm surprised things turned out the way they did honestly… but we were sent on some business trip. Ended up getting stuck somewhere up in Scotland and were forced to spend time with one another and, well… lots of fireside chats and snow fort building later we just grew to like one another,’ Patsy remarked, her cheeks feeling hot as she recalled their time in the cabin and thought it best to not mention all the fighting and sex.

 

'Anyway, that set me straight… figuratively speaking,’ she added under her breath, ‘Admitting our feelings for one another and pursuing a relationship with Delia has been the kick in the ass I needed to change, take better care of myself and the like,’ Patsy set her tea down on the table and crossed her arms, feeling shy and not meeting her sisters eye, finding it a bit foreign and challenging to talk so openly with her sister about her feelings, ‘Someone else caring about how I treat my body is making me care, too. She held a mirror up to me and I saw just how terrible I was being. Before I didn't even care to learn her name, and now I can't stop thinking about her.’

 

'Oh, Pat's that's so sweet,’ Sophie sighed, and Patsy looked over to see her resting her chin in her hand and looking at her wistfully, ‘I really do want to meet her now. Please promise me you'll bring her round sometime soon? Maybe tea on Sunday?’

 

Patsy couldn’t help but blush, nodding, 'I’ll ask her.’

 

'Fabulous,’ Sophie said, sipping the last of her tea and Patsy mused at just how nice it felt to have someone else she could talk to about Delia, other than Tony.

 

And just like that, Patsy recalled Tony’s parting words, and she realized that she had let someone else into her village, and the thought made her happy. 

* * *

 

Her recollection of her visit with her sister and Teddy had Patsy smiling as she walked the streets of London. She really wondered if Delia would want to meet her sister for tea. The thought made her nervous all of a sudden, bringing the two most important women in her life together for an afternoon. She imagined things could go well, but what if they didn't? What if Delia didn't like Sophie. What if Sophie didn't like Delia?

 

Patsy blinked away all these hypothetical scenarios and took a deep breath, working to squelch her anxiety, but damn if it wasn't a pesky bugger.

 

She raked her hands through her hair and focused on her breathing, thinking that cleaning something would be a good distraction. A good use of her time to spend the rest of her afternoon before she met up with Delia later that night.

 

That is if she wanted to. Patsy certainly wanted to spend time with Delia later that night, but typically the two of them spent all day together at the clinic, and maybe Delia needed a break? Maybe she would want to spend time doing something else? She had hobbies that Patsy's didn't share, after all. She had other friends…

 

The thought made Patsy's heart sting slightly. Delia had a lot of friends, actually. A lot of other people in her life she knew from back home and from uni that she texted and talked to and made plans with, and while it didn't make Patsy feel jealous at all, it made her wonder what made _her_ so special. Delia had all these other people in her life she could pick and choose from to have a relationship with and she chose her.

 

The thought made Patsy feel panicked slightly. She was choosing her for now. She had pursued her. And Patsy gave in. What if this was a fleeting thing for Delia? What if she only wanted Patsy because she thought it was challenging, and now that she had won the challenge she would grow tired of her, grow bored?

 

'Mummy why is that lady's eyebrows so wiggly?’

 

The woman holding the child's hand shushed them and scolded them not to stare, and Patsy turned and walked the other way, thinking she needed to start working on not wearing her emotions on her face as much as she did.

 

Patsy shoved her hands in her pockets as she continued walking, feeling rather horrible. Maybe she should start putting her guard back up, just in case… in case this was temporary. Patsy paused for a moment, thinking that _of_ _course_ it was temporary. Delia was so young. There was no possible way she would want to be with Patsy long term. Maybe a year, maybe two. She had so much life ahead of her, there was absolutely no way Patsy should even entertain the thought of her being in her life like this six months from now.

 

Probably.

 

Patsy felt sad, but speaking of now, Patsy thought to herself that she should try to focus on the now.

 

And now her phone was chiming incessantly in her pocket. She pulled it out to see several texts from Delia. Patsy raised a curious eyebrow as she opened her phone, wondering if there was a crisis at the clinic.

 

**Delia**

Hey sweetie, hope you're having a good day off!

I know it's only your first day off but your absence is really being felt right about now! Especially by me!

I didn't know how much I would miss you not being here.  Even if we can't really talk or touch, just you being here makes me feel better.

I feel all out of sorts now.

I hope I can see you later. I miss you.

 

Patsy couldn't help but smile, her heart felt like it was swelling with joy. No crisis thankfully. Delia just missed her.

 

The thought was touching, and Patsy was able to push away her self deprecating thoughts from earlier.

 

Patsy took a deep breath, thanking Delia's impeccable timing to send a flurry if texts to reassure her that they were doing the right thing. It made her want to do something nice for the brunette.

 

Patsy looked around to see that she had almost walked all the way back to Poplar from Chelsea, and she began typing a message back.

**Patsy**

I miss you too, and I want to tell you about about my rather interesting day later tonight if you want to come over later.

 

**Delia**

I absolutely want to come over! I might be a little late because I promised Cynthia I would take care of a bit of cleaning around the flat. I've admittedly been a little lazy this week.

 

**Patsy**

I actually know someone with an entire afternoon to kill who could help you with that. All you need to do is tell them where they can find the spare key.

 

Delia sent back a myriad of happy faces and heart emojis with several exclamation points.

 

**Delia**

They can find the spare key tucked under the mat… and only if they do not judge me too harsh for the current state of things in that flat.

 

**Patsy**

They don't know the meaning of the word.

 

Patsy tucked her phone back into her pocket and turned on her heel, making her way towards Delia's flat with a little kick in her step, feeling rather happy that Delia missed her, and she was going to spend her time doing something that she not only enjoyed, but would free up Delia’s evening to spend more time together with her.

* * *

 

When Patsy entered Delias flat, she shut the door behind her and hung up her coat, looking around slightly to assess the situation.

 

To her left was the kitchen. Every drawer and cupboard door was left open, crumpled up packets of tea were strewn about, dirty dishes on the countertops and in the sink. The rubbish bin looked as if it had been stepped in more than once to compact the rubbish that piled up.

 

Patsy took a step forward and almost fell on her face when she tripped on a pair of boots that seemed to have been hastily kicked off upon entering the flat. Patsy caught herself before she fell and saw that the entire entryway was littered with what looked like every pair of shoes Delia and Cynthia owned.

 

She stepped over them and looked into the lounge. More clutter was scattered about. More half empty cups of tea and water and empty cans of fizzy water littered the end tables and dirty plates and utensils on the coffee table, evidence left behind of another hasty meal eaten in front of the television, probably. Odd bits of clothing littered the floor here and there. A bundled up cardigan, several pairs of socks, some pajama bottoms.

 

Patsy could only guess that their shared bathroom was left in a similar state, and she could only imagine that everything Delia owned was in a giant pile on her bedroom floor.

 

She walked down the hallway to peek her head into Delia's room, and her suspicions were confirmed. Her pillow and duvet were on the floor, along with several pairs of dirty scrubs and other articles of clothing Patsy recalled she wore earlier that week.

 

Good grief, Patsy thought with a shake of her head. Both of these women lived like they slept in until five minutes before they had to leave every morning and rushed to get out.

 

Patsy mused that this flat was this messy for one of three reasons. The two were probably just really messy. Or maybe they were used to their parents picking up after them back home? Not likely in Delia's case, since she practically was a parent to her four brothers back home. Perhaps the two just had such a busy week that they let the place fall apart and cleaned on the weekends?

 

Whatever the case, Patsy was rather looking forward to doing something she actually enjoyed and would help take a bit of the stress out of Delia's day. It was a win win for the both of them.

 

Patsy cracked her knuckles and got to work. She picked up the empty laundry bin in Delia's closet and began to strip the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, again sorry for the short chapter. I feel like this one was a bit of a filler between last week and next. I'm still on my honeymoon but will be returning next week with a nice long fluffy, smutty chapter. And hey, all this driving around the Irish countryside has given me inspiration for a few more stories (yes, more than one). I'll finish this one first though, don't worry. I think there's at least three more chapters before I wrap it up. Thanks for hanging in there.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy's Day Off Part IV

Later that evening, Patsy was back in her flat, laid up on the sofa trying to read a book she picked up at the library that Lucille had recommended, a conversation with that woman leading Patsy to believe that she was a complete book worm and really knew how to gauge a person's preferences just by chatting with them a little.

 

During their conversation, Lucille had prattled off novelists such as Virginia Woolf, F.Scott Fitzgerald, Salinger, all authors that Patsy had read before, if not in school then on her own.

 

Patsy was about to dismiss her when she suggested something Patsy had never heard of before, in a medium she had never even thought of reading before. A graphic novel called Fun Home, to which, as Patsy turned the page, she mused just how uncanny it was that she identified with the protagonist so much.

 

A young girl growing up in the 70’s realizing she prefers to wear boys clothing and is attracted to women, her relationship with her father, whose relationship with her and the rest of their family was frosty and full of tension most of the time, sometimes violent, which was something Patsy was all too familiar with. The girl grows up to come out as a lesbian at age 19 and is shocked to find after her father's death that he carried on affairs with other men such as the gardner and their old babysitter.

 

Patsy flipped through the pages of the novel, reading slowly and taking her time to admire the artwork. She was so engrossed, George long ago settling in as a purring little ball on her lap to keep her warm, that she plum forgot that she was expecting Delia to stop by, only remembering the woman was coming over after she heard a knock on her door.

 

Not wanting to disturb George, Patsy merely tilted her head back and shouted 'Come in!’

 

She closed her book and placed it on the coffee table nearby, listening as the front door to her flat opened and shut, and Delia called out a friendly ‘Hello’ to announce her presence.

 

‘I’d greet you at the door but I’m not capable of moving at the moment,’ Patsy called out.

 

‘Not capable?’ Delia asked as she entered the lounge, looking to Patsy as she unfurled her scarf, ‘Ah, I see,’ she said as she noticed George on Patsy’s lap.

 

Delia unzipped her coat and tisked.

 

‘Come on George, off with you,’ she snapped her fingers and whistled through her teeth, and Patsy could only laugh as George didn’t move an inch.

 

‘Deels, he’s not a dog, that won’t work on him.’

 

Delia huffed and took off her coat, laying it on the coffee table and moved to grab George.

 

‘Scram, kitty. You’re encroaching on my time with your mama,’ Delia said as she wrapped her hands around George to pull him off.

 

Patsy yelped slightly as George dug his claws into her flannel shirt before Delia successfully tugged him loose and gently tossed him towards his kitty bed on the other side of the room. She settled in on top of Patsy, laying flush against the taller woman as she sighed contently from her spot above her.

 

‘Much better,’ Delia quipped as she snuggled in, and Patsy happily wrapped her arms around her.

 

Delia smiled as she leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on Patsy’s lips. The redhead happily reciprocated, her grip around the smaller woman tightening as they shared a few more kisses.

 

‘Hi,’ Patsy said softly, a shy smile appearing on her face.

 

‘Hi,’ Delia replied, a grin breaking out across her features.

 

‘George won’t be too happy with you later,’ Patsy warned playfully.

 

Delia tisked, ‘I don’t care. It’s hard enough as it is being the number two person in your life Patsy. Competing with a cat is degrading enough.’

 

‘Well in that regard I have some bad news for you.’

 

‘Oh no, what is it?’

 

‘You’ve been demoted to number three, I’m afraid, as of today.’

 

‘What?!’ Delia’s eyebrows shot up as she looked to Patsy incredulously.

 

‘It’s true. As of today you’re not only competing with a cat for my affections, but now also a baby.’

 

‘A baby?’

 

‘Mmmhmm,’ Patsy hummed and nodded with a deep sigh, taking her fingers to gently brush the fringe out of Delia’s eyes.

 

Delia’s eyes quickly moved back and forth. Reading Patsy’s face, ‘Did something happen today?’

 

Patsy nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat, feeling nervous all of a sudden, ‘Um, yes… I… well, I went and visited my sister today.’

 

‘Your sister…’ Delia looked away slightly, looking as if she were racking her memory for any mentioning of Patsy’s sister, ‘you never talked about your sister that night, did you?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘I’m sorry for not asking sooner… I just figured you would tell me about her when you were ready…’

 

‘Well, I’m ready now…’ Patsy sighed, ‘and all I really want to do is buy you some dinner and tell you all about my day. I feel like if I’m going to unload on you I can at least feed you.’

 

Delia grinned and nodded in agreement.

 

* * *

 

The two chatted a bit more and shared more kisses on the sofa before they gathered their things and headed out into the busy London streets for some dinner. They settled on a quiet hole in the wall Italian place that was so small they had to sit in a booth by the window side by side. This did not perturb the couple in the slightest as they took the opportunity snuggle in against one another to share a bowl of hearty gnocchi and a bottle of wine and feed one another the potato pasta as they chatted. Patsy rather enjoyed having Delia so close to her after having been apart the entire day, and the hearty meal and wine made her body warm and her cheeks tinge the slightest shade of red and she felt absolutely content and happy. The entire atmosphere made Patsy feel loved and relaxed as she relayed her day to Delia and how it all made her feel; her appointment with Tony and her reconnecting with her sister and meeting her nephew for the first time.

 

‘So did you really just bump into your sister by chance?’ Delia asked as she popped a gnocchi into her mouth.

 

‘Well, after talking with Tony, I suppose my mind was on my past. I didn’t really have any plans afterwards so I had some time to kill and… well, my feet just kind of carried me to her house and she happened to be returning from a walk,’ Patsy shrugged as she sipped her wine.

 

‘Wow,’ Delia mused, shaking her head slightly, she paused for a moment to take a sip of her wine, ‘So you have a nephew now?’ she asked, looking up at Patsy with a smile.

 

‘Yes,’ Patsy smiled fondly, ‘His name is Teddy and he looks just like his Mum, I think.’

 

Delia smiled and leaned into Patsy’s arm, ‘Oh, Pats, that’s wonderful. Did you happen to take a picture? I would love to see what he looks like.’

 

Patsy opened her mouth to say something but paused, remembering her sisters offer.

 

‘Actually, well, no, I didn’t take a picture, but,’ Patsy bit her lip as she was overcome with nerves suddenly, recalling what her sister had asked of her.

 

‘What is it?’ Delia asked.

 

‘Well… I hope you don’t mind, but my sister asked if I was seeing anyone and… well, I mentioned you.’

 

‘Oh, really?’ Delia gave a charming smile that abated Patsy’s nerves.

 

‘Yes. I mean, I said it was new and everything but, um, she says she wants to meet you. Have you ‘round for tea if you…’ Patsy used her free hand to fiddle with a napkin on the table, ‘and I mean, you can say no. I know this is still really new and meeting family is kind of a big deal and-’

 

‘Patsy, hush,’ Delia said and fed her some gnocchi, ‘I would love to have tea with her. Will Teddy be there too?’

 

Patsy nodded as she chewed, ‘Grand,’ she eked out, swallowing her food, ‘How’s Sunday?’

 

Delia smiled, ‘Sure. We can do our grocery shopping afterwards?’

 

Patsy smiled and nodded as Delia fed her another bite, feeling rather relieved and happy that the two important women in her life were going to meet.

 

‘So will you go back to him? Tony?’ Delia asked as she sipped some wine, changing the subject.

 

Patsy nodded, ‘Yes. I quite liked talking with him, actually. He and I have a similar background and it was nice to talk to someone who understands what I had gone through as a teenager.’

 

Patsy’s arm was placed behind Delia's head on the bench were they sat. She rested her head in her hand and leaned down slightly to kiss Delia on the temple.

 

‘I’m sorry for dragging my feet on it,’ she said softly.

 

Delia smiled and leaned into Patsy, ‘Sweetheart, it’s alright. I’m glad you went and I’m very proud of you.’

 

Delia put down her fork and used her hand to cup Patsy’s face, leaning back slightly to place a lingering kiss just below her ear.

 

‘In fact, I’m so proud of you that I think you deserve a little reward for everything you’ve done today.’

 

Patsy’s heart lept in her throat with excitement. She turned her head to speak softly into Delia’s ear while her hand found the smaller womans leg, grazing slowly yet firm from her knee up her thigh.

 

‘And just what did you have in mind?’

 

Delia sipped her wine and shrugged, responding just as low and soft as Patsy, a sly smile on her features, ‘I was thinking we could play tonight, if you want?’

 

Patsy’s heart c in her throat in excitement, but she played it cool on her features, and continued slowly rubbing Delia’s thigh, kissing her ear as she responded, ‘I would like that very much, I think.’

 

Delia swirled her wine and grinned, ‘I thought you would. Though I do think we should go shopping for some inspiration.’

 

Patsy pulled back slightly, looking a little confused, ‘Shopping?’

 

* * *

 

 

‘So this is a thing that actually exists,’ Patsy said as she looked down at the display that was oddly placed for the particular shop they were in, ‘Someone actually came up with this idea and patented it,’ she marveled, ‘and someone else actually thought it was a good idea, invested their hard earned money in it, and marketed it.’

 

Patsy picked up the small can and turned it over, and it mooed like a cow.

 

‘Yes Pats, I do believe that is how things like this happen,’ Delia replied, bemused as to why this was bothering Patsy so much.

 

‘What I fail to understand is why this children's toy is in a shop for adult toys,’ Patsy said looking around the brightly lit shop, the walls and tables adorning a myriad of things she would typically blush at the sight or mention of, but this can that mooed was much too distracting, it’s mere existence bothering her.

 

‘What’s it matter? A toy is a toy,’ Delia said, collecting all the cans from the shelf, ‘here, watch this.’

 

Delia proceeded to turn over all the cans at once, emanating a loud chorus of moo’s and Patsy was inclined to turn around and walk away from her girlfriends silly antics, leaving Delia giggling by the stand as Patsy found an elaborate bookshelf filled with erotica and instruction manuals for whatever such kinks stuck ones fancy.

 

Patsy looked through the books, leaving Delia to flit about the store from table to table, picking up the displays and examining vibrators of all sorts, seemingly having a lot of fun seeing how embarrassed she could make Patsy.

 

‘Wow,’ Delia mused as she picked up a magic wand, ‘better not drop this one or wood chips will go flying everywhere,’ she laughed to herself as Patsy tried to ignore her.

 

Patsy turned her attention back to the books in front of her and pulled them out at random, reading the titles, not finding anything particularly interesting until she came across a red book of photographs of very attractive women tied up by thin ropes. She slowly flipped through the photos, not only taking in the gorgeous, mostly naked women, but admiring the geometric, intricate shapes of the rope tied around their bodies.

 

‘Interested in shibari?’

 

Patsy nearly jumped out of her skin as she turned to the source of the voice, a small blonde with a bridge piercing that sounded as if she were from Belfast.

 

‘We have classes on that, you know. Instructions and live demonstrations and whatnot on how to practice shibari safely,’ the woman flashed a grin and suddenly laughed at Patsy’s confused look, ‘Sorry! My name’s Emma. I work here. I swear I’m not some random off the street come in here to talk about shibari!’

 

‘Erm,’ Patsy began shyly, slowly closing the book, ‘Thanks, but I’m just looking, actually. I honestly don’t know what that is…’

 

‘Japanese rope bondage, essentially,’ Emma smiled up at Patsy before continuing, ‘The aesthetic arrangement of ropes and knots on the body in Shibari rigging emphasizes characteristics like sensuality, vulnerability, and also strength,’ Emma gently reached for the book in Patsy’s hand and opened it to a specific page, showing Patsy a model tied intricately, their hands bound bound behind their back as they hung suspended in the air looking rather calm, ‘The positioning of knots in appropriate places stimulates pressure points on the body, very similarly to acupuncture techniques.’

 

Patsy listened on as Emma continued enthusiastically, ‘I personally love it. When I’m tied up like this I get into a head space and experience something like a runners high. All the endorphins in my body just go nuts and it feels so amazing,’ she finished with a smile. 

 

Patsy shrugged, bashfully blushing as she replied, ‘I will admit, these pictures are beautiful,’ she said, regarding the book in Emma's hands, ‘I just… I’ve never been tied up like that. Actually, the whole thing makes me a tad anxious, actually. I don’t think I would like to have my hands and feet bound like that…’

 

Emma’s eyes lit up, ‘Oh, you can absolutely still partake in this without having your hands or feet bound,’ she licked her finger and flipped through to the beginning of the book to a page that showed a woman with the thin rope around her with diamond patterns down her body, her arms and legs remaining free, ‘this is called a rope dress, and it leaves your arms and legs completely free, if you like. What I personally like about it is that your partner can give you a bit of a happy knot to make things a bit more interesting,’ Emma said wiggling her eyebrows slightly, ‘and it also leaves the most beautiful rope marks after you take it off.’

 

‘Huh,’ Patsy said, looking at the picture and thinking that it looked rather impressive.

 

‘And we have a selection of ropes on sale over here,’ Emma said, gesturing to a wall of colorful, thin, corded ropes. It was all a bit overwhelming for Patsy, who clutched the book to her chest.

 

‘There’s more than one?’ Patsy blinked.

 

‘Of course! It’s all up to your preferences.’

 

‘What is?’

 

Both Patsy and Emma looked behind them and saw Delia looking at them questioningly, a few pairs of things in her hands that Patsy couldn’t quite make out at the moment.

 

‘Your girlfriend?’ Emma asked Delia, her thumb to Patsy.

 

Delia smiled and nodded.

 

‘Just showing her the ropes!’ Emma snorted at her own joke.

 

‘Really?’ Delia said, looking to Patsy.

 

‘Erm,’ Patsy stuttered, showing Delia the cover of the book in her hand, ‘Just thought this looked interesting, I suppose.’

 

‘You do?!’ Delia asked, her eyes lighting up like Christmas.

 

Patsy merely nodded and blushed as Emma, hands on her hips regarding the wall of ropes, proudly continued to pontificate her knowledge on the matter.

 

‘We have cotton here,’ Emma said, her hand directing to the colorful ropes to her left, ‘nylon, hemp, and jute. Now, cotton is fairly cheap, fairly soft but able to hold enough friction to feel something, but can be a real bugger to unknot these, which can really kill the mood...’ she continued on, going over the expense and the pros and cons of using each.

 

Patsy silently eyed both women next to her, marveling at Emma for her enthusiasm and at Delia, who was engrossed in learning all she could in the moment. Her eyes drifted back to the material in Delia’s hands, and her head tilted as she pieced together what it could be.

 

‘Deels,’ Patsy said as Emma finished her spiel, ‘is that a harness?’

 

Delia nodded and held up the material with a smile, ‘I came over here to see what would fit you; the harness or the boy shorts,’ she finished as she held up the material against Patsy’s hips for measure.

 

‘Fit me?!’ Patsy asked, feeling her ears turn red.

 

‘Unless you want me to wear it?’ Delia said with a smile, ‘This is your treat after all.’

 

‘Aw, are you two shopping for strap-ons?’ Emma asked, clasping her hands together in front of her, her smile wide as she looked between the two of them.

 

Delia nodded happily, ‘Our first as a couple!’

 

‘Oh my gosh, you two are so cute,’ Emma gushed and Patsy fought to roll her eyes and she felt herself turn completely red in the face, ‘here, let me show you some of our customer favorites,’ she said as she gently placed her hand on Delia’s shoulder and whisked her away to another wall of appendages that Patsy had never quite cared for, real or not.

 

As Emma and Delia tittered enthusiastically on the other side of the shop, Patsy turned her attention back to the wall of ropes, eyeing the selections and reaching out to touch and feel them. She reached out for the jute and liked the way they felt, but in Emma’s explanation she mentioned that this was a favorite of bondage enthusiasts, and it was rather pricey. Patsy didn’t know if she wanted to spend the money on something that she might not end up liking in the end. The cotton, however, as she reached out to feel it between her thumb and fingers, felt nice and soft, and strong. Emma mentioned it had a good hold, even if it was a pain to untie in the end. Patsy figured for the price it would be worth the headache if she didn’t like it.

 

Patsy blinked and stepped back for a moment.

 

Was she actually considering this? Being tied up like these people in the book she was holding? Before this evening the thought would have seemed so daunting, something completely outside of her comfort zone that would otherwise have her anxiety through the roof. Would Delia even be willing to do something like this for her? The way people were tied up in these photos seemed so intricate and looked to take some concentration and attention to the person who was being tied up. Patsy didn’t think Delia would have the patience to do this for her, would she?

 

‘Hey.’

 

Patsy turned to Delia, the woman breaking her from her thoughts.

 

‘So?’ she asked.

 

‘So what?’ Patsy asked, noticing the new toys in her hands with a skeptical glance.

 

Delia’s eyed the rope on the wall before looking back to Patsy, ‘So have you picked what you wanted?’

 

Patsy sighed, ‘Deels, I don’t know about this. The very thought of being tied up still feels… well, it makes me nervous. Anxious.’

 

‘Why?’ Delia asked softly.

 

‘Because…’ Patsy trailed off, imagining herself bound at the wrists. The thought of not being able to move her hands while being intimate made her feel vulnerable in a way that she wasn’t ready for. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready for something like that. She and Delia had been together for such a short amount of time and she trusted the woman enough, but there was this nagging feeling that she should hold back. Despite all that Delia knew about her and all that she had shared with her thus far, there was still this feeling of not being able to quite let go less Delia think less of her or take advantage of her in some way. It was the fault of the people who had come before Delia that had made Patsy feel she needed to put these walls up, and she hated herself that she couldn’t quite shake them.

 

Patsy shook her head and nervously tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she shrugged, ‘we can do something else. We can do what you want to do,’ she said, nodding to the bundle in Delia’s arms.

 

‘No, I want to worry about it,’ Delia said stubbornly, placing the things in her arms on a nearby table and reaching out to hug Patsy around her waist. She looked back up at Patsy with inquiring and gentle eyes before continuing, ‘Sweetheart, we can try something new if you want to, and if it makes you really anxious we can stop.’

 

Patsy looked away shyly, not wanting to admit how good Delia felt in her arms, as the smaller woman continued.

 

‘It’s all about you and your pleasure in the end, you know,’ Delia said into Patsy's neck before kissing her there, ‘I just want to make you feel good.’

 

‘Really,’ Patsy said, her cheeks red as she didn’t want to admit how turned on her words made her, ‘and what about your pleasure, hmm?’ she asked slyly, nodding to the toys on the table, ‘It’s a little bit about what you want, too.’

 

‘Yes, a little bit,’ she grinned as she playfully leaned forward and kissed at a pulse point on Patsy’s neck, ‘but it’s all about you, in my head.’

 

‘Is that so?’ Patsy said softly in Delia’s ear, holding her close.

 

‘Oh, yes,’ Delia said, closing her eyes and leaning into Patsy’s embrace, ‘the look on your face when you come, the way you feel, the way you sound…,’ she trailed off slightly, sighing sensually in Patsy’s ear that had the redhead weak in the knees, ‘that’s what I love. I truly love everything about it, Pats,’ she pulled away slightly to look at Patsy, who felt rather shy in the moment, ‘and anything I can do to make you feel that way… well…,’ Delia trailed off once more, leaning forward to graze her nose along the shell of Patsy’s ear.

 

Patsy couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine, her anxiety dwindling as Delia held her close and her desire growing for the brunette with each passing moment. She held Delia tight as she brought her finger under her chin to crain her head slightly to meet her lips in a chaste kiss.

 

‘I feel the same way about you,’ Patsy said, her eyes closed as she grazed her nose along Delia’s jawline, ‘I just want to…’ she trailed off, kissing the spot under hr ear, ‘I just want…’ she trailed off again, unable to finish as she sighed against Delia, kissing her temple.

 

‘I think I know, cariad,’ Delia smiled as she slowly pulled away, ‘and we’ll get there soon enough as soon as we get back to your flat.’

 

The distance, albeit small, was enough for Patsy to remember they were in public and she was able to collect herself.  

 

Patsy clutched the book in her hands to her chest and looked down at it, wondering if she should purchase it.

 

‘Which one was your favorite?’ Delia asked out of he blue.

 

Patsy looked up, an eyebrow raised inquiringly until Delia nodded towards the wall of rope.

 

Shyly, Patsy plucked a bit of the cotton rope off the wall and felt how soft it was between her fingers, thinking it would feel wonderful against her skin.

 

Delia reached up and took the rope from Patsy, practically skipping towards the register with her bounty. Patsy had to jog across the store to catch up up and insist she at least pay half for their things, her heart thumping with excitement at the prospect of them actually using the rope sometime later that evening.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ya'll. I was planning on making this a lot longer with some smut, but life got in the way. 
> 
> I had an absolutely amazing, wonderful time on my honeymoon and it gave me the inspiration for another story which I promise I wont start until I complete this one. 
> 
> Speaking of, well, I don't know about you, but it seems like a pretty big step when you go shopping for sex toys together as a couple. It's a big deal for Patsy who has never done it with someone else in this AU. 
> 
> Also - the mooing can thing - just chalk that up to me being jet lagged and staring at my ceiling at 4am unable to sleep and thinking that was funny. It amuses me to think that Patsy is annoyed at something that exists that is so friggin pointless and I had to write it in, alright. It has no other purpose than to amuse me. Till next time!


	15. Chapter 15 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy's day off Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks. This'll be another chapter that's about 95% smut. If you prefer to skip, head to the end! Otherwise, look forward to some kink, exploration with rope, strap-on action, lighthearted bantering, and just all around fluff and cuddling. 
> 
> Also, NSFW- _ish_ drawing at the end. Heads up. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Patsy was a bundle of nerves on the tube ride back to her flat that evening. She was huddled close to Delia, her arm above her as she gripped the railing. The cabin rocked and swayed as they continued the short journey back to Poplar, and this went unnoticed by Delia who was securely tucked under Patsy’s arm, one earbud in her right ear and the other in Patsy’s left as the two spent the journey watching some video tutorials suggested by Emma from the shop.

Patsy chanced a glance at Delia who looked very focused. She found it rather endearing that Delia seemed to want to spend this time and effort on Patsy to try something new, and the more she thought about it, the more she became excited to try it.

Before she knew it, they were off the tube and back in her flat. Delia wandered off to the kitchen to place _her_ new toy in the dishwasher for a thorough cleaning, and when she returned, Patsy was given specific orders to go to her room and strip while Delia poured them another serving of red wine.

‘Actually, no,’ Delia said, and Patsy paused her motions.

The brunette dug through their bag of goodies and pulled out the special boy shirts with a hole cut through the front and tossed them to Patsy.

‘Wear these, and nothing else,’ she finished, pointing a finger warningly as Patsy fought the urge to roll her eyes.

She walked back to her bedroom and threw the shorts on the bed, looking at them slightly as she paced back and forth. Why was she so nervous? This all seemed very rushed to Patsy all of a sudden, and she felt they were moving too fast. She chewed on her nail and eyed those shorts again, half of her wanting to continue because Delia wanted it and the other half wanting to run away. The rational part of her thought that she had taken the first big step, and that was admitting she wanted to try something and actually buying the material to try said thing, and now she needed to bite the bullet and follow it through.

‘Something wrong?’ Delia asked as she entered the room, breaking Patsy of her thoughts.

Patsy removed her finger from her mouth and placed her hands on her hips, ‘What makes you say that?’

‘Because I was hoping you would be pretty naked right about now,’ Delia smiled as she placed the wine on her chest of drawers and walked over to her.

Patsy kept her arms crossed, turning away from Delia slightly as she approached. Her body language did not go unnoticed by Delia.

‘Sweetheart,’ she started gently, wrapping her arms around Patsy and urging the taller woman to look at her, ‘hey sweet girl,’ she said in that way that made Patsy unfold her arms and place them on Delia’s hips, her forehead pressed against hers.

‘Sorry…’ Patsy started softly, closing her eyes as she felt Delia’s strong hands rub lovingly against the backs of her arms, ‘I… this is just a little scary, that’s all. I’m not good at being vulnerable.’

Delia smirked at the obvious statement, ‘Pats, I know. I know it can be scary, but it’s just me here,’ she smiled, ‘and I’d never let anything bad happen to you, never on purpose.’

‘I know…’ Patsy trailed off as she placed a soft kiss on Delia’s forehead. She looked away, feeling rather bashful, ‘I also think… I don’t know. I just feel like this is going to be a really awkward experience since we’ve never done it before. What if everything goes horribly wrong?’ Patsy pulled away slightly, feeling like she was retreating into herself, ‘what if I get stuck, or it takes too long and you get frustrated and bored? What if I end up hating this? What if _you_ end up hating this? Maybe we shouldn’t do this…’ Patsy trailed off as all the things that could possibly go wrong flashed through her head and she had to hold her tongue to keep from blathering on about them.

Delia’s firm finger and thumb on her cheeks prompting Patsy to look down at her stilled her mouth and her thoughts.

‘Patsy,’ Delia began with a stern tone, eyebrow raised, ‘you have been giving to me all day, you know that?’

‘I have?’ Patsy mumbled slightly with her lips squished between Delia’s fingers.

Delia smiled and pulled Patsy’s face down for a sweet kiss before she released her, ‘Yes, you have. You’ve cleaned for me, you’ve bought me dinner _and_ half the things we brought home tonight. Not to mention you’re such wonderful, delightful,’ she took a lingering once over Patsy’s figure before sighing wistfully, ‘sexy company.’

Patsy blushed and smiled shyly at Delia’s words.

Delia batted her lashes slightly at Patsy, ‘Let me do this for you?’ she asked, her hands finding Patsy’s waist and gently pushing her to walk backwards towards the bed, ‘Let me try this with you?’ she kissed Patsy and urged her to lay down on the bed once the back of her knees hit the edge, ‘I don’t care if it takes all night,’ she said softly as she crawled over Patsy, straddling her waist as she pressed her body against Patsy's.

Patsy was entranced in Delia’s warm embrace, her words and her body making her feel calm again. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe and feel her, to feel her warmth and her kisses and allowed herself to relax her mind and body and let Delia take charge.

Allowing herself to feel pleasure was something new for Patsy. Something she had been practicing since Delia had come into her life, and now was another opportunity for her to improve on her skills.

Patsy moaned against Delia’s mouth as she kissed her, her mouth opening as tongues pressed against one another. She closed her eyes and sighed as Delia lovingly brushed the fringe out of her eyes as she kissed along her jaw, playfully tugging on an earlobe.

Delia pulled away slightly with a satisfied smile, ‘How about I help you with this, hmm?’ she asked, her fingers finding the top button on Patsy’s shirt and plucking it open. She leaned down and placed a tender kiss on the exposed skin of Patsy’s collarbone, pulling back to undo the next button and kissing the skin she revealed.

Patsy sank back into the blankets and sighed as Delia slowly worked her way down her body, her warm mouth pressing against Patsy as she undid the buttons on her shirt, one by one. When the last button was undone, Delia pushed open Patsy’s shirt, the soft fabric tickling her skin, causing the bumps on her arms and the back of her neck to rise. She arched her body into Delia as her hands raked against the smaller woman's strong thighs, and Delia smiled down at her. Patsy couldn’t help but feel shy as Delia looked at her. She had been naked in front of her many times now, but she still had reservations about her own body, about her scars, about how she looked. There would always be that seed of doubt in her head that Delia really thought she had a beautiful body, but it certainly helped Patsy find confidence in herself whenever she saw Delia looking at her like the was now.

Delia stealthy pulled her hair back into a ponytail with the band around her wrist before returning to press her mouth against Patsy’s neck, slowly, teasingly working her way down. She kissed Patsy across her chest, over the thin material of her bra as she hands wandered down and up her torso, reveling the feeling of her curves.

Patsy’s breathing deepened at all these touches, at all this attention. She was getting worked up and Delia was moving entirely too slow. She reached out and tugged on the hem of Delia’s top, the smaller woman giggling as she raised her arms to allow Patsy to remove the garment.

‘Just what do you think you’re doing?’ she asked with a smile as she brushed her fringe out of her eyes.

Patsy blinked, rather distracted for a moment by how Delia looked on top of her wearing only jeans at that wonderful lacy blue bra.

‘I’m helping,’ she said after a moment.

‘This is supposed to be about you right now, you goof,’ Delia said, sitting up and placing her hands on her hips.

Patsy merely shrugged as she took in the sight above her, her fingers raking down the rough material of Delia’s jeans over her thighs.

‘You’re a terrible bottom,’ Delia said with a sigh.

‘I just hate being the center of attention, is all,’ Patsy remarked as she bucked her hips, causing Delia to gasp.

‘Hey now, you can save that energy for later,’ Delia said with a smile.

‘Oh what’s the fun in that?’ Patsy asked as she bucked her hips again and Delia fell on her with a shout.

Patsy wrapped her arms around Delia and rolled them over so she was on top, in between her legs.

‘Besides,’ she said as she shrugged off her shirt, tossing it to the floor, ‘it’s going to be about you too, soon enough. I want to make sure I fuck you properly with our new… uh, you know.’

Delia laughed, ‘Pats, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out.’

‘No, I want to know now,’ Patsy said, Delia’s smile and laughter having her feeling playful.

‘Know what?’ Delia asked between giggles.

‘Tell me, do you like this?’ Patsy asked as she pressed herself against Delia, ‘good old missionary?’ she smiled as Delia laughed again and nodded.

‘Good old…’ Delia repeated, shaking her head, ‘Nothing wrong with the classics, I suppose.’

With a dexterity she didn't knew she had, Patsy pulled back and grabbed Delia by the hips, flipping her around so that she was on her stomach. Delia landed with her face in the blankets with a surprised shout.

‘How about like this, from behind?’ Patsy asked, a grin forming on her face as she heard Delia moan as she grabbed her hips and pressed into her. Patsy leaned forward and kissed Delia between her shoulders, her hands roaming over her hips and up her back. She stealthy unclipped Delia’s bra and groaned when Delia pressed her bum into her.

‘Mm, yup, I like this, too,’ Delia sighed as Patsy leaned forward once more, kissing her back as she reached around to unbutton Delia’s jeans.

Patsy pulled away and quickly turned Delia around again so that she was on her back. She lifted Delia's legs, throwing her knees over her shoulders and enticing a surprised gasp from Delia.

‘And how about like this?’ she asked as she grabbed the hem of Delia’s jeans and pulled them down over her bum and thighs, pulling them off her legs inside out so that Delia now lay before her in only her knickers.

Patsy smiled as her hands roamed over Delia’s smooth legs, and she wrapped her hands around her thighs as she thrusted into her with her hips.

‘Do you like it this way?’ Patsy asked, unable to hide her grin when Delia merely moaned in response, ‘Sure sounds like you do.’

Delia extracted her left leg from Patsy’s grasp and placed her foot over Patsy’s face, the action causing Patsy to shut up and let go of her immediately.

‘Pats,’ Delia started as she sat up on her elbows, pushing her foot against Patsy’s face slightly, knowing the redhead was in foot fetish heaven, ‘there isn’t going to be a position I’m not going to like, because it’ll be you fucking me and you absolutely know what I like by now.’ 

Patsy remained silent and listened, her eyes closed as she nuzzled her nose and lips slightly against the arch of Delia’s perfect and beautiful foot. 

‘But right now what I would really like is to get you naked and tied up, but your silliness is impeding my progress.’

‘Hmm,’ Patsy hummed in acknowledgement, feeling incapable of forming words at the moment.

‘Now be a good girl and take off you clothes for me,’ Delia said as she placed her foot back down on the bed, and Patsy sighed slightly at the loss of contact 

That foot had cleared Patsy’s mind, her anxieties abated and all she focused on were Delia’s instructions, which she wanted to follow to hopefully get that foot back if Delia deemed her so worthy. Without further hesitation, Patsy stood and shimmied out of her jeans and knickers, tossing everything in the general vicinity of the laundry basket.

Delia leaned on her side and propped her head up in her hand as she watched Patsy strip her remaining clothing, smiling slyly as she took in the view. 

‘Here,’ she said, tossing the boy-shorts to Patsy, ‘you put these on while I find that book.’

Patsy did as instructed and soon, Delia returned with their shopping bag of goodies and propped open their new Shibari book to the page with the rope dress, pictures and instruction plainly laid out for Delia to follow as she unfurled the cotton rope.

Delia handed Patsy a glass of wine to enjoy while she went from reading the book to circling around her where she stood, placing sweet kisses on her shoulders and on the back of her neck as she gently began wrapping the soft rope around Patsy’s neck and torso.

Patsy sipped her wine and followed Delia’s instructions on when to turn, when to raise or lower her arms. She listened as Delia softly hummed to herself and she worked with the rope, responding when asked if something felt too tight or loose.

Patsy took deep breaths as Delia moved around her, her hands working with the rope and moving it along Patsy’s body slowly, placing kisses on her body here and there when she felt compelled to. Patsy found the whole experience rather intimate, from Delia’s soft touches to the attention she was giving her right now, and all because she wanted to give something to Patsy, because she wanted to give her pleasure.

‘Are you alright?’ Delia asked, placing a comforting hand on Patsy’s cheek.

Patsy nodded, leaning into her touch.

‘How do you feel?’

Patsy kept her eyes closed, kissing Delia’s palm, ‘Nervous, but in a good way. Excited, I think. I like how it feels so far. I like how you’re touching me.’

Delia smiled and pulled Patsy down for a sweet kiss.

‘Good. I’m almost done,’ she said, taking a step back and admiring her work, ‘and I dare say I’ve done a decent job, by the looks of it.’

Delia finished up the last knot behind Patsy’s back and turned her around, looking at Patsy wearing the final product.

‘So?’ Patsy asked, ‘How do I look?’

Delia licked her lips, her eyes heavy as she looked Patsy over.

‘Very, very sexy.’

Patsy ran her fingers over the cotton material, pulling on it, hearing it goran slightly under her touch from the tension. She looked down at the four knots down the center of her torso, the diamond shapes between them, thinking about how the rope felt around her breasts and down her back. From what she could see and how the rope around her body made her feel to how Delia was looking at her, it all had her feeling rather sexy, too.

‘I… I like this,’ she simply said.

‘Yeah?’ Delia smiled up at her and lovingly ran her fingers up Patsy’s arms.

‘Yeah,’ Patsy nodded with a shy smile, ‘I still feel rather racked with nerves though, because it’s all so new, I think. I’m still not used to feeling quite so… exposed?’ Patsy said, unsure if that was the right word to use.

‘Pats, sweetheart,’ Delia said, wrapping her arms around Patsy and pulling her in for a hug, ‘remember, it’s just me here.’

Patsy returned the hug and placed a sweet kiss on Delia’s temple, her nose coming to graze along her soft eyebrow, ‘I know, and I’m happy that I can share this with you.’

‘Yeah?’ Delia asked with a sweet smile.

‘Mmhmm,’ Patsy hummed, ‘I like how supportive you are. How patient.’

Delia smiled and hugged Patsy tighter, enjoying the praise.

‘I’m starting to think kink exploration is my trust fall,’ Patsy mused into Delia’s hair.

Delia grinned, ‘I’ll always be here to catch you.’

‘I absolutely wouldn’t want anyone else,’ Patsy replied honestly.

‘Good because I really…,’ Delia trailed off slightly, and Patsy watched as she blushed and tucked her bottom lip into her mouth for a moment before continuing, ‘I really like you, Pats,’ she said as she leaned in for a kiss, ‘I’m so happy you’re sharing this with me,’ she brought her hand up to cup Patsy’s face, ‘so happy that I can make you feel good.’

A buzzer sounding from the kitchen interrupted their kissing and Delia gasped.

‘Perfect timing!’

Patsy blinked slightly as Delia left her arms, her absence immediately known, leaving Patsy to pout.

Thankfully Delia returned soon with her very new and very clean apparatus, and she wasted no time situating it between Patsy’s legs. Patsy was rather taken back at how confident she seemed handling it, but then again, she mused, Delia seemed to always know what she was doing when it came to these things.

Delia pulled apart two strands of rope slightly as she tugged the dildo firmly through the hole in the boy shorts Patsy was wearing, making sure it was nice and snug.

Patsy gasped as she felt a rather pleasant sensation between her legs and she looked to Delia who was smiling like the Cheshire cat.

‘Sounds like I placed the happy knot just right,’ Delia remarked rather smug, and she hooked her fingers around the rope placed above Patsy’s abdomen, enticing another moan from the redhead.

‘H-hey now,’ Patsy stuttered as she batted Delia’s hand away. She could already feel she was uncomfortably wet and wanted to take care of it, but it was Delia’s turn now. She reached down and enticed a gasp from Delia this time as she expertly hooked her finger under her knickers, pulling them aside while her middle finger felt how wet she was.

‘Oh, Deels,’ Patsy breathed as she pulled her hand away, her hands moving to Delia’s hips as she walked he backwards to the bed, ‘did tying me up get you worked up?’

The back of Delia’s knees hit the side of the bed and she sat, looking back up at Patsy with heavy eyes. She silently nodded as Patsy gently guided her to lay down.

‘I want to warm you up some more,’ Patsy breathed as she hovered slightly over Delia’s body, kissing her across her chest and over her soft breasts, ‘would you like that, baby?’

‘Oh,’ Delia sighed, closing her eyes as she took in the feeling of Patsy’s mouth over her body, ‘yes, I think I would like that very much.’

Patsy continued moving down Delia’s body, kneeling on the floor between her legs, her hands on her knees gently urging them apart.

The rope around her own body flexed and contracted, tightening around her as she moved, pressing against her in places that had her gasping.

Patsy couldn’t help letting out the moan that rolled out of her throat at this new sensation, the scent of Delia’s most intimate area hitting her senses only intensified everything that was making all her nerve endings come to life. She placed a few teasing kisses between Delia’s legs over her knickers, sighing feeling the warmth and wetness there that was soon to be all for her to enjoy. Delia gasped at her touches and wiggled her hips impatiently.

‘Pats…’ she breathed, almost whined as she reached down and ran her fingers through Patsy’s hair.

Patsy didn’t want to deny Delia of her wants and needs any longer after she had been so loving and patient with her this evening. She was overcome with the urge to give Delia anything she wanted because Delia had been so good to her.

Delia was always so good to her.

That thought lingered in Patsy’s brain as she peeled Delia’s knickers off, sliding them off her bum and down her legs, leaving them forgotten on the floor as she hitched Delia's thighs over her shoulders and brought her mouth down to her.

She opened her mouth and tasted her, Delia groaning in relief in response to Patsy’s hands holding her hips firmly in place and her tongue finally between her legs. Patsy sighed contently as she slowly lapped at her, gently pulling at her lips, enticing satisfied moans and sighs from Delia that was music to Patsy’s ears.

Delia wiggled her hips impatiently as Patsy’s tongue seemed to go everywhere but where she really wanted it most. Patsy held steady as she was in no rush, wanting to take her time like Delia had done for her, though Delia’s persistent hips seemed to want Patsy to do otherwise.

Having had enough of Patsy’s teasing, Delia sat up and reached behind Patsy, tugging on the rope that was placed behind her back, knowing full well that it was all connected to that happy knot between Patsy’s legs.

Patsy cried out as the knot pressed delightfully against her clit through the shorts she was wearing, and she couldn’t help but grind her hips against it as she finally relented and pressed hard against Delia’s clit, swirling her tongue around the sensitive bud of nerves.

‘Ah!’ Delia shouted, her eyes slamming shut as her thighs clamped down against Patsy’s head, holding her in place. She continued to moan as one hand pulled on the rope while the other was in Patsy’s hair, gripping her tight as Patsy’s tongue swirled around her, over and over again, bringing her closer and closer to that edge.

Patsy’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, Delia's frantic tugging on the rope that pressed that knot more and more against her was driving her crazy, and she felt herself finally come close to coming after having been stimulated for nearly an hour as she and Delia fooled around and undressed, after she had taken her time tying and knotting this rope around her, and now with her head between Delia’s legs, tasting her, hearing her moan, it was all so overwhelming for Patsy and she didn’t know if she was going to be able to hold on much longer. She didn’t know if she wanted to.

Patsy’s face contorted into something that looked pained, but she felt quite the opposite, moaning her pleasure against Delia as an orgasm hit her, surprising her. She caught her breath and hungrily lapped at Delia, her tongue firmly pressed against her hard clit and swirling as her own body shook from her orgasm. Her licking grew even more urgent as she felt Delia let go of the rope and lay down against the bed, her hips rising as Patsy felt her body tense and then let go. Delia cried out as her own orgasm rocked her body, her hips rolling against Patsy’s mouth as she rode out her orgasm.

When it finally subsided, Delia reached down and gently pushed Patsy’s head away. Both women were left spent, Delia bringing her arm to rest over her eyes as she caught her breath and Patsy leaning down to use the bed sheet to wipe the sweat from her brow.

‘I think I’m rather warmed up, now,’ Delia said, her chest heaving as she took one last deep breath of air before opening her eyes again.

Patsy merely smiled at the quip and kissed Delia’s thighs, slowly working her way up and crawling over top of her as she kissed her hips, her tummy, her breasts, until she finally lay down flush on top of Delia, their mouths connecting in a sweet, slow kiss.

Delia let out another deep sigh against Patsy, smiling as her body arched slightly into the taller woman above her.

‘I like how you feel pressed against me,’ she said, sounding sleepy.

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ Delia nodded, closing her eyes, ‘it’s kind of fun imagining you with a hard on.’

‘Oh,’ Patsy tisked, rolling her eyes, ‘I thought you were talking about _me_ and not this toy between my legs.’

‘Oh, come on Pats,’ Delia rolled her eyes right back, ‘it’s fun to pretend it’s real.’

‘No it’s not,’ Patsy deadpanned, not sure what kind of role play Delia was hinting at but she was not partaking in it.

‘Yes it is,’ Delia said stubbornly.

‘Deels,’ Patsy said warningly, her eyes playfully narrowing.

‘Oh, please? Just a little bit?’ Delia pouted.

‘Oh just a little bit? You mean like just the tip?’ Patsy joked, raising an eyebrow.

‘Pats!’

‘Is that a little bit enough for you or you want the whole thing.’

‘You’re awful.’

‘What am I even supposed to say? How do I even pretend it’s real?’ Patsy asked, finding this conversation rather absurd.

Delia shrugged, ‘That’s the point of pretend, isn’t it? Use your imagination.’

‘What do men even say in a situation like this?’ Patsy looked down at the apparatus between them and shrugged, ‘Ever had anything this big before?’

Delia shrugged, looking unimpressed, ‘It’s not that big.’

‘You bitch,’ Patsy said, and Delia burst out laughing, ‘How dare you crush my ego like that.’

‘What are you getting angry at me for? I’m the one who picked it out at the shop.’

‘Damn right you did. Don’t see why you need to insult the little guy like that.’

‘Little guy is just the perfect size for little me, don’t you think?’ Delia said smartly with a smile.

Patsy merely shrugged, raising her eyebrows slightly in silent agreement.

‘Besides, what’s most important is if you’re any good at using it.’

‘Oh, so pressure’s on me then, is it?’

Patsy lifted herself to shift slightly, but Delia reached out to grab onto her rope, pulling Patsy back down on top of her.

‘Ooh, I do like this rope,’ she mused, giving Patsy a quick once over, ‘I feel like I ought to lay you down and ride you like a cowgirl with a harness like this.’

‘Well giddy up, honey,’ Patsy said.

‘Pats,’ Delia said warningly.

‘This ain’t my first rodeo.’

‘Patsy!’

‘What, you don’t like my cowboy references?’

‘Not when they’re impeding you fucking me right now, no.’

There was a beat of silence and the two women shared a look, one fighting for dominance over the other. Patsy knew Delia wasn’t going to back down, so she said the one last thing she needed to say.

‘Yeehaw.’

‘Dammit, Patsy,’ Delia seethed as she gripped the rope again.

Patsy clenched her teeth and rolled her eyes to the back of her head, the happy knot pressing against her still rather sensitive clit. She groaned slightly and shook her head as Delia relented her grip on the rope.

‘If you’re so into rodeos, maybe next time we use this I ought to hogtie and gag you to keep you from being silly.’

Patsy raised a skeptical eyebrow.

‘Ooh, yes,’ Delia mused, her eyes looking towards the ceiling in thought, ‘I think I would rather like seeing your wrists tied to your ankles,’ she said as she pulled Patsy down for a kiss, ‘seeing you with your bum in the air,’ she breathed, kissing Patsy again, ‘maybe tease you with the vibrator,’ she closed her eyes and hummed approvingly at the thought, ‘edge you all night long for being naughty. Bring you close to coming and never let you get there.’

Patsy took a deep breath and shivered slightly at the thought of being teased so mercilessly like that. She closed her eyes and imagined it for a moment and thought that she might actually rather enjoy such a delicious punishment someday, but right now she brought her focus back to Delia. She concentrated on how Delia felt beneath her, her warmth, how soft she was. Having Delia’s body pressed against her like this with the added new sensation of the rope holding snug around her body was getting Patsy worked up again.

She licked the tips of her two fingers and reached between Delia’s legs, extracting a sigh from the smaller woman.

‘Well, if you weren’t warmed up before, you certainly are now,’ Patsy said softly, leaning down to nuzzle her nose against Delia's neck before kissing her there, ‘you feel very, very warmed up.’

‘I told you,’ Delia breathed, closing her eyes, and Patsy felt her practically melt into the blankets beneath her.

Patsy continued to kiss Delia along her neck and ear as she gripped the silicone phallus and teasingly rubbed the head of it own and up Delia’s center, coating it with her natural wetness before she attempted to enter her.

She watched Delia’s face contort into something of a whimper, her lip was quivering and she was taking in shaky breaths as Patsy continued to tease her.

‘Go slow, when you go in, OK?’ Delia asked softly, looking up at Patsy through half lidded eyes.

‘OK,’ Patsy simply replied, carefully watching Delia’s face as she started to slowly push in.

Delia closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, placing a steady hand on Patsy’s shoulder. Patsy’s hand hooked under Delia’s knee and lifted her leg for more room to allow for her hips to settle nicely between Delia’s legs. The smaller woman let out a satisfied sigh as she was slowly filled, and Patsy continued to watch her for any signs she should stop. When Patsy had found she had pushed all the way in, she shifted and wrapped both of Delia’s legs around her hips, and she could feel Delia’s ankles cross behind her.

‘OK?’ Patsy asked softly, brushing a few loose strands of Delia’s hair out of her eyes.

Delia nodded, wrapping her arms around Patsy’s head and tucking her head into the crook of her neck.

‘OK,’ she said softly.

Patsy continued to kiss along Delia’s cheek and jaw as she slowly pulled back out and thrusted in again, extracting a slow, aching moan from Delia. She kept her eyes on Delia’s expression for any sign of discomfort or hurt, but her expression remained euphoric, her eyes closed, cheeks pink and mouth open just slightly. She looked as if she were lost in the pleasure of being filled so deliciously. Patsy felt Delia’s grip around her hips tighten, Patsy picked up her pace and settled into a steady rhythm with her arms wrapped around Delia.

Patsy had never really been a fan of strapons, previously thinking they were rather lewd and silly, but the experience she was having now was starting to change her mind. She was finding that she was rather enjoying being able to not only see Delia's face as she fucked her, but she loved that she could hold her girl with both hands. She reached under Delia and gripped her bum, guiding her hips up just slightly so she could thrust into her at a better angle. The motion caused Delia to gasp and open her eyes.

‘Alright?’

‘Yes,’ Delia breathed, reaching up to hold onto Patsy by one of the knots on her chest.

Patsy closed her eyes and let out a sigh as this motion had that blasted happy knot pressing into her again.

‘Oh, cariad,’ Delia licked her lips, closing her eyes again and breathing deep. Patsy watched her, and if she didn’t know any better, she would think that the woman under her was gearing up for an orgasm.

‘Feel good?’ Patsy asked, trying not to sound smug as she continued her thrusting, watching Delia frantically nod.

‘Yes, oh, god yes, Pats,’ Delia breathed, ‘you fill me up so good, fuck…’ Delia trailed off, tightening her grip around Patsy’s head, her whole body becoming tense in Patsy’s arms as she grit her teeth for a moment.

Patsy silently marveled at her girlfriends ability to come so often and quick as she continued her steady rhythm, not daring to change pace or stop until Delia told her so. She gave one last firm thrust and Delia came undone, crying out and writhing underneath her, holding onto Patsy tight. Patsy’s hips remained still as her hands guided Delia’s hips to grind against her, riding out her orgasm.

When Delia’s breathing finally calmed, her quivering subsiding, she opened her eyes to find Patsy smiling back at her playfully.

‘Hiya,’ Patsy said, smiling wide at Delia’s blissful expression.

‘Hi,’ Delia replied rather bashfully as Patsy felt her unhook her ankles from behind her back.

‘Alright?’

Delia shyly nodded, tucking her head into Patsy’s shoulder and giving her the ‘OK’ symbol with her fingers.

‘Just grand,’ she mumbled as Patsy giggled slightly.

‘Ready for more?’ Patsy asked.

Delia took a deep breath and nodded.

‘Alright,’ Patsy said softly, pulling away slightly but careful not to pull out of Delia as she guided the smaller woman to sit up, ‘get on up here, cowgirl.’

Delia laughed as she allowed herself to be pulled, settling in on top of Patsy, straddling her as Patsy lay on her back.

Delia sighed as she grew accustomed to this new position, slowly rocking her hips against Patsy. She opened her eyes to see the redhead underneath her, and she smiled at the sight.

‘Pats, you know, I really like how you look in this thing,’ she said and she pulled on the rope that ran down the middle of Patsy’s torso, the motion causing Patsy's eyes to squeeze shut as the happy knot pressed delightfully against her.

Delia's eyes darkened and she smirked at Patsy’s reaction to her tugging.

‘I love how you look when you make that face, fuck,’ she said, her hips rolling against Patsy faster, ‘fuck I have an attractive girlfriend,’ she breathed.

Patsy could only smile, thinking she could be saying the same thing.

Her breath left her in hot, heavy pants as Delia continued grinding on top of her. The sight of Delia’s beautiful body in conjunction with the delightful pressure and tugging on that knot was getting her wound up. She felt that familiar pressure build up inside of her once again and she swallowed a heavy lump in her throat as she raked her hands along Delia’s strong thighs and grasp onto her hips, gently guiding her to rock against her. The motion had Delia’s breath hitch in her throat, and for the third time that evening Patsy felt Delia tense in her arms. The brunette gasped and threw her head back, crying out and shaking as another orgasm rocked her body, Patsy’s hands remaining on her hips and guiding her through it.

As Delia came down, she slouched, reaching down to place her hand on Patsy’s chest to hold herself up, but even then Delia looked as if she was going to fall over. Patsy quickly sat up and scooped her up in her arms.

‘Come here, baby,’ she said as she guided Delia’s arms around her shoulders, ‘come here,’ she said again, ‘I’ve got you,’ she breathed as her hands firmly gripped Delia’s bum, rocking her hips against her.

'You've got me?' Delia sighed, looking as if she were struggling to keep her eyes open. 

'Yes, baby, I've got you,' Patsy said softly, closing her own eyes as she wrapped her arms around Delia tight. 

Delia tiredly nuzzled her nose against Patsy's cheek as she sighed in her ear, 'I like it when you call me baby.' 

Patsy couldn't help but smile as she lovingly grazed her hands over the smooth skin of Delia's naked back, sweetly kissing her as she held her. Holding Delia in her arms like she was had her feeling very affectionate towards the smaller woman. Holding Delia like this was the best feeling in the world to Patsy in that moment and she didn't have the words to say how she felt. She was her baby. Her darling. Her girl. A swell of emotion felt like it was going to burst out of Patsy's heart and she did everything to convey how she was feeling through her touches in that moment.

Everything Patsy was doing seemed to do the trick for Delia. The smaller woman sighed, almost melting into Patsy's touches, running her fingers through Patsy's hair as she kissed her. She opened her mouth and tugged on Patsy’s lip, making her groan. Patsy reciprocated by opening her mouth and pressing her tongue against Delia’s, tugging on her lip, moving her mouth along her chin and jaw and Delia tilted her head to allow better access as Patsy moved to kiss along her neck.

‘You want to keep going?’ Patsy asked breathlessly when she broke away.

‘Yes,’ Delia sighed, ‘I do, but I want,’ she paused to swallow a lump in her throat, ‘I want you to come too, OK?’

‘I will,’ Patsy said, ‘I’m going to.’

‘You will?’

‘Yes,’ Patsy breathed as she moved to lay Delia on her back once more, ‘yes, I will. I’m so close, Deels, I promise. You’re going to make me come.’

'I am?' Delia sighed, seemingly having been fucked so thoroughly already that she lost most motor function, her brain in a lust filled haze. 

'Yes, baby,' Patsy smiled at how cute Delia looked right now. 

The bunched up blankets propped up Delia's bum slightly, allowing for Patsy to thrust into her her deeply. She gasped when Patsy quickly whipped her right leg over her shoulder, leaning forward so that Delia’s knee was almost to her ear. The angle had Patsy hitting a certain spot that made Delia start gasping and mumbling in Welsh.

‘Oh, yes baby, fuck’ Patsy breathed, having learned that Delia reverting back to her native tongue had her gearing up for a big one, ‘you keep tugging on me like that, OK?’

Delia could only nod, closing her eyes as Patsy took her free hand and interlocked their fingers, holding her hand down firmly against the mattress above her head.

Delia’s firm tugging on the rope only made Patsy thrust into her harder, deeper. The knot between her legs pressing delightfully against her clit as she rocked her hips, the motion bringing her closer and closer to her own orgasm as Delia continued to gasp and moan underneath her. Patsy’s breathing came out in heavy pants as the muscles in her body began to burn from holding her position, but there was no way she was going to stop. Not until she came, and certainly not until Delia came.

‘Ooh, Pats,’ Delia whined, her voice having raised a few octaves as she squeezed her eyes shut, ‘Don’t stop,’ she sighed, ‘please don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop…,’ she begged, trailing off as she only griped on the rope across Patsy’s chest tighter.

‘I won’t,’ Patsy gasped out, struggling to keep her eyes open as she watched Delia. The sight of the woman beneath her looking absolutely ravished with her mouth open as a cry escaped her lips was enough for Patsy to finally be pushed over that edge. She groaned out her own orgasm through clenched teeth as Delia shook once more in her arms, and Patsy slowed her thrusting, her hips rolling in time with Delia's as the two rode out their orgasm together, their limbs tangled up in each other in a mess of hair and sweat and sheets.

Patsy’s thrusting stopped and she relaxed her body, shifting slightly to place Delia’s legs down beside her as she lay on top of the smaller woman. Delia was still completely spent, her eyes closed and her breathing labored as Patsy brought Delia’s arm to rest around her shoulders, and she leaned down to place soft kisses in her ear.

The two lay motionless for a few moments as they recovered, wrapped up in each others arms, neither wanting to move.

Delia’s eyes fluttered open as Patsy kissed her eyebrows, and she brought her hands up to push Patsy’s fringe out of her eyes.

‘Hey,’ she said.

‘Hey,’ Patsy responded.

She closed her eyes and the two lazily kissed for a bit. Patsy only stopped when she felt Delia shiver slightly, this time from a chill in the air. She decided it was probably time for her to move so she could wrap her girlfriend up in the blankets and give her a proper cuddle.

Delia sighed slightly as Patsy pulled out of her, but soon collected herself enough to sit up and reach for their shopping bag, extracting a pair of safety shears they bought specifically to cut the rope.

‘I hate to see your hard work go to waste like this,’ Patsy said as Delia began cutting her loose.

‘It’s alright. I don’t have the energy to pick apart these knots anyway,’ Delia said as she tugged Patsy free, ‘we can buy better rope next time and practice, alright?’

Patsy merely nodded as she stood and shook herself loose of the rope, stripping herself of the shorts as well before she joined Delia back in her bed. Patsy blushed as she noticed Delia staring at her, and she looked down to see several red intricate marks where the rope as been, creating rather wonderful designs all over her body. She gasped slightly as Delia ran her fingers over the marks. 

'So pretty,' she said softly. 

Patsy smiled and pulled Delia close, wrapping the two of them up snug in the blankets as she pulled the smaller woman close to her and buried her nose in her hair, smelling her scent and kissing her naked shoulder. Delia’s hands found Patsy’s and she interlocked their fingers, bringing her knuckles to her mouth and placing sweet kissed there as the two chatted a bit about how they felt about everything, from the strap on to how each of them felt about incorporating the rope as a first for both of them. The feedback was positive from both women, and the two reverted to mumbling sweet nothings to one another as they finally drifted off into a deep sleep.

* * *

 

Patsy woke the next morning to the sound of a mug being placed down heavily against the bedside table. She rolled over and opened her eyes, adjusting to the sight of a fully dressed Delia sitting down next to her on the bed as she brushed out her long hair.

Patsy sat up with a sense of urgency.

‘Are you leaving?’ she asked worriedly, watching Delia carefully.

Delia merely smiled as she continued to brush her hair.

‘I forgot I made plans with a friend to meet them for brunch this morning.’

Patsy didn’t feel any better hearing this, as she was very much looking forward to staying in and cuddling with her girlfriend and spending the day with her. Delia continued to smile as she regarded Patsy’s pout. She pulled her long locks back into a ponytail before reaching over and placing a comforting hand on Patsy’s cheek.

‘An old school chum visiting family here in the city, nothing more, I promise.’

‘I’m not jealous,’ Patsy lied.

Delia leaned forward and kissed her, her thumb gently stroking Patsy’s cheek.

‘You’ve got plans of your own today, anyway,’ she said with a rather mischievous glint in her eye.

‘I do?’

Delia nodded with a knowing smile, ‘This afternoon is Valerie's charity beauty pageant.’

Patsy groaned with an eye roll as she lay back down and threw the covers back over herself. She had fully intended on making some excuse to skip that event so she didn’t have to be around people.

‘You should go and support our friends,’ Delia said with a smile as she playfully crawled onto the bed and hovered over Patsy.

Patsy let out a sigh, unsure if she was ready to consider her co-workers friends, but after her conversation with Tony about expanding her village, she thought that maybe she could try to buck up and do this for Valerie. The woman, after all, was not only her co-worker, but her workout partner. She had been rather supportive of Patsy as she took on this new step in her life and the least she could do was support her in her endeavors, no matter what they were.

‘Oh, alright,’ Patsy huffed as Delia embraced her and kissed her naked shoulder.

‘I’ll come back later tonight?’ Delia asked, tucking a lock of red hair behind Patsy’s ear, ‘I want to make you dinner and then sit in your arms all night watching movies.’

‘Just as long as you don’t make me watch Frozen _again_ ,’ Patsy whined into her pillow.  

‘But it’s so good!’ Delia grinned.

‘Deels,’ Patsy pleaded.

‘Oh fine. How about Moana?’

‘Can’t we watch a movie for adults?’ Patsy groaned.

‘What’s wrong with Disney? Watching the movies is the closest I’ll ever get to the theme park,’ Delia sighed wistfully.

‘Oh Deels,’ Patsy tisked, ‘you know you can go any time you want to, right?’

‘To Disney World?! How?’ Delia asked incredulously.

‘Just head for the second star to the right and straight on till morning?’

Delia smacked Patsy over the head with a pillow, but it did nothing to suppress Patsy’s giggling. The smaller woman extracted herself from Patsy’s bed and left the room. Patsy hopped out of bed after her and quickly put on a pair of clean knickers and a top, following her girlfriend to the front door where she was lacing up her trainers.

Patsy went to the kitchen and pulled a key out of a drawer.

‘Here,’ she said, placing the key into the palm of Delia’s hand, ‘just in case you get here before I get back.’

Delia looked at the key with a raised eyebrow, ‘You sure?’ she asked, a slight blush on her cheeks.

Patsy shrugged, her cheeks feeling hot suddenly, ‘Well, yeah, I mean, you’re here almost every day anyway so…,’ she leaned against the frame to the entrance of the kitchen and picked at her her fingernail nervously, ‘besides, I kind of miss walking into a place that’s full of the warmth and smell of your cooking,’ Patsy said softly, her thoughts turning to those few nights she and Delia spent up in Scotland, ‘I was thinking it would be kind of nice to… come home and find you already here…’ she trailed off, feeling shy.

Delia smiled affectionately and reached up to pull Patsy down for sweet kiss.

‘I…,’ she paused slightly and Patsy watched as she blushed, blinking and shaking her head, ‘I’ll see you tonight,’ she said softly.

Patsy blinked as Delia gave her one last peck before heading out the door, the brunette looking back at her with a smile before she disappeared behind the door with a soft click. Patsy stood there for a moment, thinking. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Delia wanted to say something else before she changed her mind and Patsy wondered what it could have been. She resolved to let it go for now and get ready to see Valerie's show.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, do I love writing smut where Delia has multiple orgasms. 
> 
> Sadly, I think this is the last smutty chapter for this fic. All story from now on (boo) but it needs to move forward already (can you believe I've been working on this fic since July? Where has the time gone!?). 
> 
> Back in the clinic next week for our characters as things start to come together for some people and fall apart for others. Stay tuned!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right back where we started.

‘She’s young, Pats,’ Trixie whispered, her voice wavering slightly, ‘easily impressionable and… and I just want to make sure there’s nothing…’

Patsy willed herself to remain stoneface while Trixie looked away, searching for words. She watched the concerned look on Trixie's face, knowing her friend seemed to only be looking out for both her and Delia, but the way she was going about it made Patsy feel like a predator taking advantage if some innocent girl, which she knew was definitely not the case. If it weren't for the little detail that Patsy was technically Delia's boss then they could be open about their relationship with no consequences. As it was, Patsy needed to lie, and it made her feel terrible.

This conversation had Patsy's heart pounding frantically in her chest, and she knew all the color had drained from her face the moment Trixie had mentioned her and Delia’s time alone together in the highlands.

‘I’m just trying to look out for the both of you, is all. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you… for whatever reason.’

Patsy took another deep breath through her nose. Even though there was a genuine unrest in Trixie's voice and expression, this whole conversation had Patsy feeling frightfully defensive, and scared, though she was going to be damned if she showed it. She kept her eyes locked on Trixie, straightening her posture as she clasped her hands behind her back, doing her best to maintain her composure. She needed to maintain control of this situation and nip any suspicion Trixie had in the bud.

‘I assure you, Trixie, the relationship between Nurse Busby and I is strictly professional,’ Patsy remarked as calmly as she could, ‘Even if there were something more, I would never use my position to influence or take advantage of her in any way. Or anyone, for that matter,’ she finished terse with a pointed glare. She needed Trixie to know she would not tolerate being the focus of any such suspicion or rumors, ‘Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to finish before I leave this evening. Good night.’

Patsy turned on her heel without waiting for a response. She was done talking about this and she wasn't interested in finding out if she could keep up the charade any longer.

She rushed back to her office, her expression remaining unchanged even though there was no one left in the clinic that evening. She stopped herself from slamming the door, not wanting Trixie to hear. Once it was locked behind her, Patsy's mind began to race.

What could it have been that tipped her off? What had they been doing to make her suspicious? Had they been too friendly? Had they said something carelessly? Had she seen them in public together? What if Trixie knew someone that Delia knew? They certainly hadn't kept their relationship from Delia's flatmate and friends. What were the chances of Trixie knowing Cynthia? Jenny? Even Chummy? This city was so big and suddenly it felt so small. Patsy began to feel claustrophobic.

'Fuck,’ Patsy whispered, reaching up to grasp her hair between her fingers and squeezed. Every worst possible scenario began to race through Patsy's mind.

'Fuck fuck fuck…’ she paced back and forth in her office, feeling like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

What if Trixie wasn't convinced after that little chat? What if she went to Phyllis? What if she and Delia were separated? Sacked? Patsy would be able to take it, but she didn't want Delia's career taking a major blow like this before it even got started.

Unknowingly, Patsy clenched her fists in her hair and began to pull, finding the pain soothing as she continued to pace her office and hyperventilate, her anxiety flaring as she was wracked with nerves. She needed some kind of outlet for what she was feeling. Screaming and throwing things was just not an option at the moment and she began chanting to herself.

'Dont bite, don't bite, don't bite…’

She realized she was doing it, though. Her hands clenching fistfulls of hair and pulling. She was causing herself pain as a way to relieve her stress, even if she wasn't doing it in the way she usually did, and she let go of her hair immediately, remembering Delia's rules.

Only Delia is allowed to do it, Patsy reminded herself.

She had been really good about it too, since Delia had made herself perfectly clear about it back in the cabin. If Patsy was going to release any kind of stress or anxiety through pain it was going to be by Delia's hands only. Even then, Delia would only do it after Patsy had depleted all other non harmful sources of ways to calm herself before she would even lay her hands on her like that.

Patsy stopped pacing and rested her palms flat on her desk, her head bent low as she worked to control her breathing and calm her thoughts.

Patsy couldn't help but laugh internally at Trixie's words. Calling Delia easily impressionable when Patsy knew she was anything but. The woman was fierce, and strong headed. There was no way Delia would ever let anyone take advantage of her.

Additionally, Patsy had known Trixie to be particularly nosey. Always someone who wanted to know everything about everyone, whether or not they were willing to share, very much to Patsy's annoyance in all the time she had known the woman.

Perhaps this was a situation where Trixie was reading into something that hadn’t really been there?

No, because it had really her there, hadn't it. Trixie wasn't wasn't wrong, and Patsy felt a painful twinge of guilt pierce her heart for lying to Trixie, one if the few people she would actually call a friend.

Patsy had never been one to share anything about her personal life because of how mucked up it had been and she thus far had abated any of Trixie's attempts to find out anything Patsy didn’t want her to know, but now that Delia was in the mix, she seemed to be slipping.

Patsy needed to do something. She thought she and Delia had been careful not to let on anything about their relationship outside of the clinic but perhaps they had gotten too lackadaisical. It seemed that she was getting too relaxed with Delia around, and she needed to work to reign that control back in. She could do that.

The thought made her relax a little.

Besides, Patsy reasoned, what evidence did Trixie have? The woman had nothing to go on other than her own hunches.

Patsy audibly groaned as she thought this, turning around and sinking low into her chair. Her thoughts turned to everything going on in the world right now and knowing that if anything, she would be on the side of trusting women and their hunches. In any other situation she would be right there with Trixie, wanting to get to the bottom of anything that as going on that would weed out any nonsense, any abuse or harassment that was going on. Anything that would harm any of the nurses, she would work to rid the office of any person's or behavior that would be harmful or toxic. The way she dealt with Phyllis’ outburst at Delia earlier that day was an example of that. Patsy felt she would have jumped right in and defended any one of them from being yelled at like that.

But what was going on between her and Delia wasn't harassment. It wasn’t quid-pro-quo. No one was forcing anyone to do something against their will. They were both adults. They decided to be in this relationship together. Was it entirely ethical? No. Patsy was still technically Delia's boss, which was obviously a conflict of interest. But their relationship wasn't illegal. They weren't breaking any laws. No one was getting hurt.

Patsy felt more calm as she worked out her thoughts. She reasoned that her conversation with Trixie just now wouldn't go anywhere if she was just more careful. She didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize her position here. Or Delia's. The thought of being apart from the brunette made Patsy feel physically ill, but if push came to shove, she would be the one to take the fall, every time.

But what had it been that made Trixie worried enough to approach her like that? Patsy didn't know, and she resolved to be more stringent with her contact with Delia here in the clinic, making sure she kept her distance and remained professional at all times. She couldn't take any chances.

Patsy checked the time on her phone. It was late, and she reckoned Delia would already be home and snuggled up in bed by now.

She didn't want to burden her with what just happened. She didn't want the woman falling asleep with worry like Patsy was sure she was going to do this evening. She decided to keep her and Trixies conversation to herself. For now.

* * *

Patsy slept terribly that night, her mind over active with all the things that could go wrong thanks to Trixie admitting she suspected something was going on between her and Delia. She tossed and turned most of the night, her brain incapable of turning off.

Patsy got out of bed and resolved that she just wasn't going to sleep that night.

It took all her strength not to fall into the old habit of calming her nerves with pain or alcohol like she had done in the past. She resisted, only because she knew she would feel ten times worse for succumbing to it when she so far had been really good about not falling into those old habits. If not for her sake then for Delia.

Delia was the one that gotten her on this path. It was her that pushed her to stop hurting herself. To start going to therapy. If she faltered now, the disappointment she knew Delia would feel would break her heart.

Patsy lit a cigarette and rose from her bed to pace her room, her thoughts turning fondly to the Sunday prior when she took Delia to meet her sister Sophie for the first time.

The redhead slowly dragged on her cigarette as she recalled, rather endearingly, how even her sister had noticed how different Patsy seemed when she interacted with Delia. No longer was the Patsy that seemed dour and depressed, reclusive, misanthropic. She had been replaced with someone who smiled. Someone who made jokes, was engaging, and genuinely looked happy, much to Sophies delight.

‘I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you smile like this,’ she had said as the two of them watched Delia play with Teddy in the lounge, the Welsh woman kissing the babys feet and making him smile and cry out happily. Patsy looked out at Delia and couldn’t help but notice that her brother in law had a similar smile. It seemed the Mounts were suckers for dimples.

Patsy flicked the ash off her cigarette and wished Delia were there with her now.

The thought scared her, actually. She wasn’t used to being attached. Her life was admittedly better for having Delia in it, but something like their relationship being outed at work could end them; their careers, their relationship, and Patsy didn’t want that. Then what. What if Delia really was taken away from her? What if they were sacked from the clinic? What if everything imploded in their face and Delia left her for good for ruining everything for her? Just the thought of Delia leaving her like that made her chest ache painfully and brought tears to her eyes.

‘Oh god,’ Patsy said, cigarette dangling from her lips as she nervously raked her fingers through her hair again and tugged, ‘maybe I am getting too attached.’

It was all too much too soon. Patsy had never felt this way about anyone before. Had never known anyone who affected her like this. Had it really only been a month? She had just reconnected with her sister and even she was pushing for Patsy to get more serious with Delia. ‘Be good to this one,’ she had said. She remembered looking at Delia when her sister whispered that into her ear, the sight of her girlfriend holding her nephew and the fantasy of Delia maybe someday holding their own child like that flashed through her mind and made her happy in that moment, but now, it terrified her.

‘What the hell is wrong with me?’ Patsy said out loud to her dark room, a hint of desperation in her voice.

It was too much too soon. It was too much too soon.

Delia was good for her. Delia was a good influence in her life, but she needed to be able to be good to herself without Delia.

The conversation with Trixie really brought to light just how precious and delicate this situation really was, and she didn’t want to do anything stupid to ruin it.

Patsy stubbed out her cigarette and sat on her bed. She checked her phone and saw that it was almost three in the morning. She decided she would spend the time smoking every cigarette she had while she decided what to do about this whole situation until she would be forced to dress and head for work.

She threw on her coat and took her cigarettes and lighter out to her balcony and sat down on an old fold out chair, decidedly staring out into space, what she could see of it anyway, while she smoked and let her mind think back on her and Trixie’s conversation. Patsy felt that she had done a pretty good job of keeping a poker face to quelch any suspicion Trixie may have had, but what if it wasn’t enough?

Patsy took a long, slow drag of her cigarette, leaning forward slightly to crack her neck and blink away her sleeplessness as she watched her breath disappear above her head in thick white puffs of air.

What if Trixie took her concerns to Phyllis anyway?

None of these thoughts calmed Patsy at all. Her heart continued to pound frantically in her chest. Her palms felt clammy, and she felt hot, breaking out into a sweat even though the temperature outside on her balcony was freezing. Anxiety was buzzing uncomfortably throughout her whole body and there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop it, cigarettes being the only thing to keep her calm and occupied, less she turn to her old habits.

Patsy took several deep breaths, reasoning that she didn’t know what to do, only that something needed to be done so she could protect Delia and their relationship. She needed to distance herself somehow from the brunette, even though the thought of it pained her. She didn’t have any answers, only knowing what worked from experience.

She needed to start pushing people away again.

* * *

 

Sleep deprived and in a state of heightened anxiety, Patsy was in one of the worst moods she had been in in a long time.

The clinic was already buzzing with activity when Patsy walked in later that morning, and it didn't help that she had to breeze by Valerie and Lucille in the break room carrying on like they didn't already have a sitting room full of patients waiting to be seen as they casually sipped their tea and chatted. She gave the two women a glare at their unenthusiastic attitude towards being more proactive in their work, but decided to hold her tongue and parlay any reservations she had concerning their behaviour to their supervisor, whom Patsy was not at all happy to see in her office when she walked in.

She stood at the door to her office and glowered, the three other occupants immediately halting what seemed to be a rather lively conversation over tea as soon as they laid eyes on her. Barbara and Trixie were standing in the corner, steaming mugs in hand, the brunette noticing her terrible mood immediately and looking down, cowering slightly at the site of Patsy.

Patsy looked over to see Delia sitting in her chair looking completely unvexed as she smiled kindly at Patsy, absolutely clueless and unaware of Patsy's mood.

‘Morning Pats,’ Delia said happily as she sipped her tea, 'you look tired. Everything alright?’ she asked, noticing the bags under Patsy's eyes.

'Yeah, rough night?’ Trixie asked smartly.

Patsy ignored Delia and directed a pointed glare at Trixie.

'Would you be so kind as to remove yourself from my office so I can brief my team? Very much like _you_ should be doing right now, I might add,’ Patsy seethed as the blonde raised an eyebrow.

Patsy had been very lenient about calling Trixie out on her lackadaisical attitude towards management since she had been back from her trip, especially in front of others. However in this moment, Patsy felt that any jibe at the blonde was well deserved, especially after the night she had.

'What's the rush? Just saying good morning here,’ Trixie shrugged.

'Oh by all means take your time,’ Patsy said, her voice dripping with resentment and sarcasm, 'let's never mind that the clinic should be open by now and that the waiting room is piling high with patients that need to be seen. Let's all just sit here with our thumbs up our arse until _you're_ ready, Trixie.’ Patsy seethed through clenched teeth, her arms crossing as she blinked expectantly.

Trixie frowned placing a hand in her hip as she addressed Patsy, 'Hey, I wasn't the last one in here this morning-,’

‘Then you should very well know how eager I am to get on with my day,’ Patsy cut her off and stepped aside, pushing her door open, 'Out,’ she ordered, 'unless you want to just stand there and only waste more of my time! God forbid people around here start to needlessly question _your_ professionalism, hmm Nurse Franklin?’ she glowered.

Trixie huffed, letting out an exasperated sigh through her nose at the obviously pointed remark. She silently held her hands up as a sign of surrender as she left the room.

Patsy whipped around to address Delia, knowing Trixie was still within earshot.

‘And if _you_ wouldn’t mind getting out of my chair, Nurse Busby’ Patsy snapped at Delia, ‘I would quite like to get started with my work.’

Both Delia and Barbara were stunned into silence, looking on with wide eyes at Patsy. The room was filled with a rather uncomfortable tension as Patsy had not snapped at Delia, nor anyone, like this for the last several weeks. Both women thought that Patsy had turned a new page, something Delia knew for certain was true, but it seemed to both of them that Patsy had reverted back to her old ways and neither knew why.

Blinking back to her senses and stone faced, Delia slowly rose from Patsy's chair and silently stood next to Barbara.

Without meeting anyones anxious gaze, Patsy hastily threw her things onto her chair and walked over to the filing cabinet, doling out the files Delia and Barbara would need for their morning rounds, the only noise in the room being her quickly flipping through the papers and slamming the heavy metal drawers shut.

She handed both women their files and merely said 'Go,’ as she turned and rounded behind her desk, sitting down and booting up her computer.

Barbara left at once, not wanting to do anything that would irritate Patsy further, but Delia stalled for a moment, reaching over to close the door to the office.

'Do _not_ shut my door,’ Patsy commanded, her brow furrowed and eyes focused on some paperwork on her desk.

The door to Patsy’s office had become a symbol of sorts in the weeks since they had returned from their extended ‘business trip’.

A closed door meant they were able to speak privately, regarding any and all things so long as they kept their voices low. An open door meant they were to keep it business only. In a moment like this, Patsy reasoned, she would otherwise welcome a closed door to explain herself, but at this particular time she didn't want anyone to see her and Delia alone together, no matter the circumstances.

Delia halted her motions, looking at Patsy and not bothering to hide her resentment towards her right now.

'Really?’ she asked, eyebrow raised.

'Patients are waiting, Nurse Busby,’ Patsy remarked, her tone short.

Delia gave Patsy a suspicious glare that physically hurt Patsy, but she needed to keep Delia away from her. At least for a little while so Trixie's suspicion went away.

The smaller woman looked away finally with a sigh, tucking the files under her arm as she mumbled an angry 'Fine,’ under her breath as she turned and exited the office, leaving the door wide open.

Patsy couldn't bare to watch her walk away, knowing she was angry and frustrated and had absolutely no clue as to why Patsy was acting like this, treating her like this. It made Patsy seeth in frustration at their whole situation but she reasoned she would have to press on. Her terrible behavior had a purpose.

With that, Patsy rose from her seat and collected her files, forcing a smile as she engaged with her first patient of the day.

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, Patsy and the other nurses were finally able to catch a break when the flow of patients slowed down for the time being. Patsy herself wanted nothing more than to sit alone in her office to be by herself for a few moments but the craving for a cigarette was overwhelming. She snatched up her coat and walked towards the break room where she found a few others meandering about, taking the time to get off their feet and chat with one another a bit.

Delia, Barbara, and Lucille were sitting having tea at the small table while Trixie stood and waited for her own cup to brew at the counter. All four turned to look at her as she entered the room.

'Tea, Patsy?’ Lucille looked on hopefully while the other three remained gloomily silent, 'you look like you could use a little pick me up,’ she finished as she pushed forward a fresh cup.

Patsy looked longingly at the cup of tea, her standing there suddenly made her realize just how tired she was, how much her feet ached and how stiff her neck and shoulders were. With a defeated sigh, she pulled out the remailing chair at the table and sat down with the other three nurses. She mumbled a ‘thanks’ to Lucille as she took the steaming cup and inhaled deeply before taking a sip, allowing the scent of the tea and the warmth of the water to relax her senses a bit.

As she placed her cup back down on the table, she noticed Delia looking at her silently, a hopeful look in her eyes. Patsy gave the most subtle smile she could muster and her heart melted slightly at the sight of Delia reciprocating, smiling back at her discreetly behind her own cup of tea.

‘Hows your day been?’ Lucille asked, tucking into her tea, absentmindedly flicking her thumb over the screen of her phone.

‘Oh, um,’ Patsy mumbled, looking down at the steaming mug in her hands as she noticed both Delia and Lucille listening intently, ‘well to be honest, the last patient I examined was extremely behind on their vaccinations. I’ve spent the last half hour trying to calmly explain to their mother why getting their child vaccinated would do the opposite of killing them,’ she grumbled with an eyeroll.

‘Oh, god, tell me about it,’ Trixie griped from her spot by the counter, ‘I had a woman who said there had been an outbreak of mumps of her child's daycare and she insisted there was another way of protecting her kid other than vaccinating them. The ignorance was astounding.’

Patsy hummed her appreciation at Trixie in solidarity with the fellow nurses strife.

‘It’s awful,’ Lucille said sadly as she sipped her tea, ‘half of me wishes the children of these parents would contract such a horrible disease simply because they take for granted the vaccinations they had as kids. They don't know what life was like when these diseases were running rampant,’ Lucille shrugged, ‘Then again, I would never want any child to suffer for their parents stupidity, so...’ she trailed off, the other three nurses in the room nodding in agreement.

Patsy gave an affirmative hum in agreement, taking a sip of her tea.

‘Goodness,’ Barbara chimed in, looking towards the ceiling in thought, ‘and to think, the worst I’ve had so far is one very pregnant woman arguing with me how many Big Macs she was allowed to have on a weekly basis. She insisted on three but I was able to eventually talk her down to none, all that processed meat and god knows what else…’ she trailed of, shaking her head slightly with disappointment, ‘goes against everything I learned in school about a healthy diet during pregnancy.’

Delia looked over to Patsy with a kind smile.

‘I think it’s commendable you stuck it out Pats,’ Delia said, reaching over the table to grasp Patsy’s hand, ‘to have the patience to deal with someone like that without completely losing your temper.’

Patsy’s heart lept in her throat, feeling overcome with panic. She instinctively whipped her hand away from Delia's grasp as if she had been burned.

‘It’s fine...’ she forced out through clenched teeth, 'I've been dealing with patients like this for over a decade. I know what I'm doing.’

Patsy looked down at the table, breaking out into a cold sweat as she was suddenly very aware of everyone's eyes on her for reacting so harshly, especially the shocked look on Delia's face from her recoiling from her touch.

Patsy looked away angrily, now feeling the stillness in the room, the tension growing the longer everyone remained silent. She felt her cheeks grow hot as she swallowed a lump in her throat, pointedly looking anywhere but at Delia to avoid her shocked and hurt expression.

Patsy stared at her tea waiting for the moment to pass, feeling much too tired and on edge to care that she was making everyone feel awkward.

Delia cleared her throat and she moved to rise from her seat, the chair scraping loudly against the linoleum floor.

‘I need to get on with submitting my notes for the day, excuse me,’ she said, her tone clipped, soon exiting the room without a parting look to anyone, her unfinished cup of tea left behind.

Barbara, Trixie, and Lucille watched her go, Patsy looking into her tea as she felt the tension in the room rise exceptionally.

She only looked up when she saw Trixie whirl around toward her out of the corner of her eye, the blonde glaring at her.

‘Patsy, that was very rude,’ she said placing her hand on her hip, ‘she was only trying to be consoling.’

Patsy’s eyebrows furrowed as she scowled.

She wanted to tell Trixie to go fuck herself.

Without another word, Patsy rose from her seat, the sound of the chair scraping just as noisily against the floor, abrasive and awkward to all in the room. She threw on her jacket and grabbed her tea, walking outside with a harsh slam of the door against the brick wall before it shut noisily behind her. Out here at least she was alone with her thoughts. She finegaled a cigarette out of her pack and held it between her lips while she lit it, thinking that at the very least out here there was no one to analyze or judge her.

She sucked down the smoke so hard it burned her throat, for once hating how it felt. 

* * *

 

Delia didn’t approach Patsy for the rest of the day. She damn well outright avoided all eye contact with her and got up and left the room if Patsy entered. It made Patsy half relieved, half fill with dread. She disliked herself for acting this way, but with Trixie lurking around, she was on edge and over analyzing everything. Every little phrase and action around Delia. It was making her half mad with worry. She didn’t want to think what the others probably thought of her in those moments she lashed out unnecessarily at Delia. Had they suspected too? What if they did and they were the ones who had brought their concerns to Trixie, knowing she was the only one other than Phyllis who would possibly have the courage to approach Patsy like she did the day before? The thought only had Patsy more on edge as she sat in her office and typed up her files for the day.  
She was alone, thankfully, clacking away noisily at her keyboard, wishing more than anything she could have a cigarette indoors. Or at the very least the NHS would give her a bloody laptop to do all this administrative work so she could go and be outside while she did all this. She was at the point where she would rather sit in the cold and do her work just so she could have a bloody cigarette.

The door to her office remained open for the entirety of the day, and it was long ago that she had released Barbara to go home, Delia having taken off without permission after the last patient had gone, and Patsy didn’t blame her.

Wish a sigh of relief, Patsy had logged out of her programs and shut off her computer for the night. She stood and was on her way to the break room to collect her things when the door to Phillys’ office opened and Trixie rushed out, the blonde looking rather remorseful.

Patsy’s heart sank in her chest when she saw Phyllis appear in the doorframe of her office and look right at her.

‘Nurse Mount,’ she said, extending her arm and giving a hint of a wave, beckoning Patsy to come to her, ‘I need to speak with you before you go.’

Patsy clenched her teeth as she felt her anxiety shoot through the roof, glaring slightly as Trixie breezed by her towards the break room, looking sullen and not making eye contact. She had no doubt told Phyllis of her suspicions about her and Delia.

This was it, Patsy thought. She was going to be confronted with her and Delia's relationship. There was no doubt about it at this point.

She shoved her hands into her pockets and clenched her teeth, trying to remain calm as she strode over to Phyllis, hoping her expression was unreadable.

If this was the end then it was time to do the right thing and fess up. Resign, if she had to. She would do anything it took to make sure Delia was safe and kept her job, even if it meant walking out of her job right then and there. She would do anything to keep Delia safe, even if it meant never seeing her again.

Patsy took a deep breath as Phyllis shut the door behind her, ready to accept her fate no matter what it may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but this chapter was really hard for me to write (probably because Patsy needed to be mean to Delia again) and I'm not happy with it at all, but it was necessary. 
> 
> Two chapters left, ya'll. Comments keep me chugging along ♥‿♥
> 
> \---
> 
> Now, I know I don't have much of a platform here. Maybe 500 people click on this story every week and most of you lovelies aren't here in the states. 
> 
> But, fellow Americans, if you're out there reading this, just, do me this favor. 
> 
> Click the link below. Check your registration/Register to vote, find your polling place, and vote November 6th (and every election thereafter for the rest of your life please).
> 
> You're smart people. I'm going to assume that I don't need to explain why this is an important one. 
> 
>  
> 
> <https://votesaveamerica.com/>
> 
>  
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to phone bank to put a democrat in my governors mansion.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fate of Patsy and Delia's relationship hangs on the balance of overcoming this one, little obstacle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself for all the feels.

It was six in the morning at Ataturk international airport in Istanbul, and that's where Patsy found herself that early summer day waiting for her connecting flight.

She sat at a measly bar in the terminal, so very grateful that no one was going to judge her for drinking a whiskey so early in the morning. Her head was resting in the palm of her hand as she stared at the mirror behind the bar, watching through it all the busy people rushing around behind her, running to catch their flights or to find the nearest toilets.

She sighed as she sipped her whiskey, rocking her neck back and forth to crack her bones and stretch her stiff shoulder muscles. She was awful at sleeping, much more so when it came to sleeping on flights. Not to mention she was much too tall to stay comfortable for long in those damn coach seats. She was at the very least thankful the movie selection wasn't too terrible and was kept occupied enough through the long hours of sitting in one spot.

Only 24 more travel hours to go, Patsy thought unenthusiastically to herself as she tipped her glass at her reflection in the bar mirror, downing the last of her whiskey.

The lone bartender swooped by and poured her another, for which Patsy was thankful.

Patsy stretched and wondered again why she was putting herself through this.

She blinked, then sighed.

Oh, right. That whole business. She rolled her eyes to herself with a sigh as she settled back into her slouched position at the bar.

Her thoughts drifted back to a few months ago when Trixie brought up her _concerns_ , that bloody conversation pretty much starting this whole trajectory. If it weren't for her then Patsy would still be sitting pretty in her office going about her regular schedule back in Poplar. She could have refused this. She could have said no. She would still have Delia close by and she would still be given socks for being good and continuing to go to therapy and the gym on a regular basis.

No more gym for Patsy. Therapy was going to be email only with Tony for the next few months, and her contact with Delia was to be through hand-written letters only because her paranoia wouldn't allow for texting or emails.

No socks for Patsy now. Not for the next several months anyway.

Her hand absentmindedly found its way into her pocket where she clutched the bit of soft material that Delia had given to her as a parting gift. It was really funny how Delia’s socks became so important to Patsy. A little secret, of sorts. Something that the two of them knew Patsy not only enjoyed but also made her feel calm. Something that made her think of Delia now that she was so far away and would be for the next several months.

That familiar piercing pain in Patsy's chest hit her as that dimpled smile flashed through her mind. She had spent the last several evenings watching Delia sleep so she could sear her face into her memory. Granted, she would never forget a woman like Delia, no matter how they eventually parted in the end.

Though this wasn't goodbye, was it. This was a… to be continued.

She hadn't said goodbye when she left, like she did with the others.

A small smile played on Patsy's lips as she thought back on her parting words to Delia.

Patsy pulled the sock out of her pocket and instinctively brought it to her lips, feeling the soft cotton against her skin. The scent of the fabric triggering something in her memory, reminding her of how she ended up sitting in the first place.

* * *

'Patsy, please have a seat.’

Patsy took a deep breath as she entered Phyllis’ office, trying to remain calm as she braced herself for what Phyllis was about to say next. She walked over and took a seat, Phyllis rounding her desk and mirroring her actions.

'I won't keep you long, I know it's late,’ Phyllis began softly as she removed her glasses and began cleaning them with a cloth from her breast pocket.

Patsy clenched her teeth and remained silent, willing herself to be as stone faced and expressionless as possible.

'This is rather a pressing matter of importance and I felt it best we talk when we wouldn't be disturbed.’

Patsy sighed and closed her eyes, wishing Phyllis wouldn't belabor this any longer. If she was going to confront Patsy about her and Della's relationship she wished she would just get on with it already. Report her. Sack her. Anything. She would take the blame and leave so long as it meant Delia was able to stay here and see out her residency. Keep her job. She would take the fall. Hell, she would volunteer to be raked over hot coals for the woman at this point.

'It appears your services have been called upon yet again by the Turners,’ Phyllis said as she placed her glasses back on the perch of her nose, shuffling some paperwork around in her desk as if searching for something.

Patsy raised an eyebrow. Her heart was still beating frantically in her chest, each pulse sending just the tiniest wave of relief that moved from the center of her chest to the tips of her fingers.

'I beg your pardon?’ Patsy said meekly.

'Where the bloody hell… I just had it,’ Phyllis grumbled, annoyed as she shuffled her papers, finally plucking one from the stack, 'Ah, here,’ she said as she handed Patsy the paper.

Patsy took it and quickly scanned over the contents. It was an email Phyllis had printed out by the looks of it.

Phyllis cleared her throat before continuing, 'Dr. Turner… Er, Patrick Turner, this time, is in need of a nurse. He's on assignment with DWB from London and is currently seeing out his year in Cambodia and-,’

'Wait, DWB?’ Patsy asked, her mind still reeling from this conversation taking a completely different direction from what she had anticipated.

'Doctors Without Borders,’ Phyllis filled in as she clasped her hands together, leaning forward on her elbows, ‘and as I was saying, Dr. Turner is short staffed now that one of the nurses he was working with has requested to get out of his contract due to a family emergency. DWB is strapped for any sort of staff they can pull from other areas, so he has reached out to affiliated clinics to see if they can spare anyone.’

'And he wants me?’ Patsy asked uncertainty, raising an eyebrow to Phyllis.

Phyllis took a deep breath and raised her eyebrow, 'Yes, but I didn't want to give you up that easily. I've offered the opportunity to Trixie, and even Valerie. Both strong nurses in their own right who would have been excellent for the job. I asked them first because I selfishly wanted to keep you here remembering what happened last time you were out for an extended period.’

Patsy let out the breath of air she didn't know she had been holding in. She couldn't believe this was the conversation Phyllis wanted to have.

'So,’ she said when she collected herself, ‘what did they say? Valerie and Trixie?’ she asked.

Phyllis leaned back in her chair and sighed, 'Both refused the offer, unfortunately. Valerie saying she had had enough travels with her time in the Army and Trixie just flat out refusing. Something about needing to be here to take care of her father. I didn't push her on the subject but I do know the man is unwell,’ Phyllis’ voice lowered, ‘PTSD, I believe, from his time in the Gulf, but that's just between you and I.’

'Of course,’ Patsy said quietly, thinking that Trixie rushing out of Phyllis’ office earlier looking troubled made complete sense now. Her gaze turned slowly towards the paper in her hand, the print becoming legible finally as her eyes focused. She scanned the email and tried to digest the details of the assignment, her eyes honing in on the length of time she was to be placed in Cambodia alongside Dr. Turner.

'The nurse I would be replacing… this says their contract was for a year. Will I be expected to be there a whole year too?’ Patsy asked.

'No, Patsy, thankfully for our sake you wouldn't be there an entire year. They're simply requesting that someone replace him to see out the remainder of his contract.’

'And how much longer is that?’ Patsy asked, dreading the answer.

‘You wouldn't be leaving right away,’ Phyllis continued, not meeting Patsy's eye, 'there's a certain amount of administrative in-processing along with ensuring you're physically willing and able to live and work there. Dr Turner ensured me it was a safe area. Very rural and quiet. They have clean running water in the hospital at least.’

'Phyllis,’ Patsy said warningly, thinking it was rather out of character for Phyllis to beat around the bush like this, 'how long?’

Phyllis sighed, 'As I said, there would the several weeks of in-processing into the organization, after which you would be off,’ Phyllis paused slightly to tap her fingers against her desk, ‘Should take no longer than six weeks if you _do_ choose to go. That would put you leaving at around the June timeframe. DWB would then work on organizing a replacement for you, since you're a stand in… however that may take some time.’

'So it's uncertain as to when I would be back…?’ Patsy asked, feeling a little dry in the mouth at the thought.

Phyllis shrugged, looking regretful that she did not have all the information, 'The contract ends in October, but if worse comes to worse they would ask you be prepared to extend your time there.’

‘By how long?’ Patsy asked, ‘By a few weeks? Months?’

'No longer than six weeks, I would assume. Any more than that and I'll come over there and collect you myself,’ Phyllis finished, looking rather bristled.

Patsy smiled slightly at Phyllis’ over-protectiveness. She had always looked up to the woman for her stern and no nonsense approach to her work and uniform mostly. Her professionalism and classic English stiff upper lip way of dealing with things around the clinic made working here relatively drama free and Patsy appreciated having someone around who even made _her_ look soft in comparison. She valued Phyllis and she knew the woman had her and everyone's back when it came to it. She had earned Patsy's loyalty that way, and Patsy knew she would buck up and do nearly anything for the woman if she asked.

However.

'Up to six months in Cambodia…’ Patsy trailed off quietly to herself. That was such a long time. And so far away. She wondered if she would be up to such a task.

One month ago she would have said yes without hesitation. She had nothing here but her job and her cat. Now though, she had Delia. She had her sister Sophie back in her life, she had her nephew Teddy. She had just started taking better care of herself, going to the gym, going to therapy. Hell even the other nurses at work had grown on her. She had felt like she was really starting to scratch the surface with them, feeling like if she kept going on as she did she could really genuinely become friends with everyone. Grow her village, as Tony would say. Was she really going to be able to put all this on hold for half a year when she felt like she was just getting started?

Then again, perhaps this was her opportunity to keep Delia safe. No one would suspect they were in a relationship if she happily volunteered to be away for such a long period of time. There was no chance of being caught if she wasn't here. No chance for a slip up. No chance for anyone to overhear anything or read too much into a passing glance or touch between the two.

It wasn't ideal, but it was something Patsy would be willing to do if it meant that she and Delia were kept from any suspicious rumors or any threats of being found out and being punished in some way or losing their jobs. The last 24 hours Patsy had been a wreck with nerves and anxiety and she simply couldn’t live her life like this so long as Delia was here with Trixie close by to analyze their every move and conversation.

Patsy brought a hand to her face, her palm grazing over her cheek and chin as she let out a long breath of air.

'Can I… I need to think on it,’ she finally said, 'When do you need an answer by?’

'By Monday, if you please,’ Phyllis said resoundingly, ‘Take the rest of the week and weekend to think it all over. If you decide you _do_ want to do this, then the sooner we can get the paperwork started the better. You know how slow these bureaucratic agencies can be,’ she said knowingly, a jibe Patsy knew she was making at their antiquated equipment she knew the NHS was slow to update.   

Patsy merely hummed in agreement.

* * *

Patsy found herself later that night standing on the other side of the door to Delia's flat. She hadn't seen or spoken to Delia the rest of that day after the incident in the break room, and the memory of it all had played over and over again in Patsy's mind afterwards, specifically the incredibly hurt look on Delia's face right before she rightfully stormed off.

Patsy took a deep breath.

She found it within herself to scrounge up the courage to raise her hand and knock on the door. She had made several promises to herself and to Delia in the weeks that had followed them entering into this relationship that she would never treat her again the way she had when they first met, but she felt she  broke that promise today and she hated herself for it.

Patsy held her breath as she knocked, and waited. There were several beats of silence where she could only hear the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. Then suddenly, soft footsteps that grew louder and louder as they approached.

The door finally cracked open and to Patsy's dismay, it was Cynthia, Delia's flatmate.

Patsy took it as a sign that she was not in good standing with Cynthia when the woman did not open the door all the way, merely looking at her skeptically through the crack.

'Hi, Cynthia,’ Patsy said, looking at the smaller woman pleadingly in an attempt to convey she was there to make amends, 'is Delia in?’

Cynthia looked away slightly as she responded.

'She's a little upset with you…,’ she said softly, and it made Patsy wonder if Delia was close behind her listening in.

'I know,’ Patsy said replied, ‘I've been rather terrible to her today and I've come to explain myself and... beg for her forgiveness, if she’ll hear me out.’

Cynthia did not budge, but her expression softened just slightly.

'I don't mean to put you in the middle of any of this, Cynthia,’ Patsy continued, a little louder just in case Delia _was_ listening, ‘Just… I just need to know if she’ll see me, and… and if she won't then I'll go away,’ she finished firmly. If Delia was really listening, then she needed to make it clear that she was willing to adhere to her boundaries. She had an explanation for her behavior but was willing to wait and explain herself on Delia’s terms, no matter how much it hurt her to be turned away right now.

'I don't think now is a good time,’ Cynthia said softly, looking rather sorry she had to relay this news to Patsy.

Patsy straightened her posture even though her heart ached and she was on the verge of tears.

'No, Cynthia, it's alright. Thank you. I’ll… I’ll go now,’ Patsy said, giving a feeble wave before she turned on her heel.

She didn't look back as she heard the door softly click shut, walking quickly towards the stairwell. She harshly wiped away a few stray tears that stubbornly fell from her eyes, and she felt so distraught in that moment that she barely heard the sound of a door opening behind her and someone calling out her name.

'Pats!’

Patsy turned around to see the sight of an angry looking Delia running towards her. She was simply wearing a jumper and jeans, her shoes untied, looking as if she had rushed to slip them on. Even in the dim lighting of the overhead lamps, Patsy could make out her pink cheeks and puffy eyes. She looked as if she had been crying, and any trace of hurt on her features had been replaced with anger.

Delia stopped several feet from Patsy, glaring at her. Patsy watched as she took deep breaths through her nose, white puffs of air floating around her head.

'You have th-thirty seconds to explain y-yourself,’ she said, her teeth clattering. She crossed her arms and shivered slightly from the cold April evening.

Patsy was done wasting time and got right to the point.

'Trixie approached me last night,’ Patsy said, swallowing a lump in her throat as she saw Delia's expression change, growing concerned ‘She suspects. About us. About us being together.’

Patsy unzipped her coat and shrugged it off.

'She told me she was worried I was taking advantage of you,’ she said as she approached Delia and draped her coat around her shoulders, not minding the cold one bit, ‘something about being concerned with the age difference between us and that you were easily impressionable.’

Patsy’s gaze softened slightly as she moved to pull her coat snug around Delia’s body.

‘Can you imagine?’ she asked, smiling slightly, ‘You of all people being easily impressionable. I had to resist the urge to laugh.’

‘Well I certainly don’t feel like laughing,’ Delia said, her tone clipped. Patsy dropped her smile.

‘Sorry, it’s just…,’ her heart sank in her chest slightly at Delias stern look. She needed to explain her behavior, but the look Delia was giving her kept her silent.

‘Pats… I was so upset with you today,’ Delia said through clenched teeth. Patsy noted that she avoided eye contact. She couldn’t seem to bare looking at Patsy right now.

‘I know, and I’m sorry,’ Patsy pleaded, tentatively holding Delia in her arms, ‘I… when Trixie talked to me last night, well… I couldn’t sleep at all. I was over analyzing everything you and I had ever done or said to one another at the clinic. Anything she could have overheard, maybe thinking she saw something that we did when we weren’t thinking…,’ Patsy trailed off slightly, rubbing her hands over Delia’s arms to try and warm her a little, ‘I went into work today thinking about every little word and action and… and in the break room when you reached over and touched me…’

‘No! Patsy you just … you can’t be like this,’ Delia said, her lip quivering slightly, ‘you can’t… Well, first of all, the way you acted is only going to make Trixie _more_ suspicious!’

Patsy closed her eyes, feeling pained, ‘I know…’ she said.

‘You can’t just act the way you did all day and expect me to be OK with it!’ Delia continued, clutching Patsy’s coat around her tighter, ‘You could have told me, Pats! You could have said something and I would have… I would have understood.’

Delia shrugged herself out of Patsy’s embrace and stepped away, and Patsy remained still, silent.

'If you needed me to stay away I would have,’ Delia continued, her nostrils flaring and gaze intense. She looked as if she was trying to control her temper, 'This is all part of it, our relationship. We both went into this knowing there were risks but you need to tell me when something like this happens, Patsy. You can't keep things like this to yourself. Not anymore…’

Delia trailed off and Patsy felt ashamed, merely nodding in response. She felt the muscles in her jaw tighten as she clenched her teeth, and willed herself not to let the searing pain in her heart distract her too much from being pushed away, but with the way she had been towards Delia today, she couldn’t blame her.

‘You were really awful to me, for no bloody reason,’ Delia said softly, ‘I spent all day wondering what was wrong. Just feeling like absolute shit, wondering if I had done or said something to make you act that way towards me.’

Patsy watched as Delia’s lip trembled a bit, and she had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t from the cold this time.

‘I was so hurt and confused… especially after the weekend we had together,’ Delia continued softly.

Patsy studied Delia’s face, her heart feeling like it was breaking as she watched fat tears start to stream down Delia’s cheeks and off her chin.

‘We just had this…,’ Delia paused, shaking her head as she searched for the words, ‘amazingly intimate night together and then… and then you gave me your key and took me to meet your family and… and I thought we were… I don’t know, I just,’ Delia gave a defeated sigh as she wiped the tears from her face, ‘I don’t know what I thought, but wherever I thought we were headed with this I felt like we took two steps backward today. I thought you had regretted it… that you were having second thoughts about being with me after all, and… and after just… _everything_ ,’ Delia whispered, bringing a shaky hand to her mouth to nervously bite on a finger, ‘everything we’ve been through… everything we’ve shared with each other…’

‘No, Deels, please…’ Patsy begged, stepping forward and tentatively reaching out for Delia again.

Delia flinched, and Patsy tried not to let the sting she felt in her heart deter her from making this right.

It amazed her, really, seeing Delia like this.

Delia had always seemed this tenacious, stubborn, strong woman in Patsy’s eyes, and in a moment like this she was reminded that Delia was as vulnerable and fragile as she was. Though she hated that it was her awful behavior that was reminding her of this fact.

‘Delia, I’m sorry I acted the way I did… and you’re right,’ Patsy started as she dropped her hands to her sides, ‘You’re so right… after everything we have shared together I shouldn’t have kept this from you. I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark thinking something was wrong between _us_ when it was really just… something we could have worked through together. I shouldn’t have tried to take it on myself.’

Patsy looked down, taking a deep breath. Her heart ached, weighing heavily in her chest as she wiped the tears from her own eyes. Her insides fluttered with nerves thinking of what she was going to say next. What she needed to say. What she needed to tell Delia, because after all this she was done keeping one of the most important people to her in the dark.

'Deels, I… I need to tell you something else. Something more serious that could… greatly impact us.’

‘Us?’ Delia narrowed her eyes and the muscles in her jaw clenched, ‘...what do you mean? What is it?’

Her tone was still short, and Patsy knew Delia was still angry and hurt, still defensive. She needed to try and be delicate about this.

Patsy took a deep breath and tried to hear herself over the pounding of her pulse in her ears.

‘Before I left the clinic today, Phyllis sat me down and said that Dr. Turner has reached out again, um… the Mr. Turner, and not Shelagh this time, and… well, he's… he’s asked for me by name to…to…’ Patsy trailed off, picking nervously at her fingernail.

‘Spit it out, Patsy,’ Delia seethed, glaring.

Patsy exhaled through her nose. Alright, forget being delicate. Suppose it was time to rip off the plaster.

‘He’s currently in Cambodia serving out a term with doctors without borders. He’s had a nurse fuck off and back out of his contract,’ Patsy explained as plainly as she could, her own tone growing short.

'No,’ Delia said as she closed her eyes and shook her head. Patsy could tell she knew where she was going with this and it seemed like she didn't want to hear it.

'He's in need of a nurse to work alongside him,’ Patsy continued, watching Delia's features contort as Patsy spoke.

'God, Pat's,’ Delia screwed her eyes shut and turned around, taking a few steps away, 'Cambodia,’ Patsy could hear her mumble, practically spitting the word from her mouth with resentment.

Patsy watched as Delia took several deep breaths, her shoulders rising and falling, white clouds of air circling around d her head and disappearing. Patsy remained silent as Delia slowly turned and gripped the balcony railing, her knuckles turning white, her head bowed as if praying.

'How long?’ Delia asked softly, her eyes shut tight.

'Phyllis was uncertain about that…,’ Patsy said feebly, hating that she didn’t have all the answers.

'So, what,’ Delia seethed, and Patsy watched her whirl around and finally face her again, ‘Phyllis is going to up and send you all the way to the other side of the world? Without knowing when you would be sent back?? Of all the nurses on the planet she and the bloody Turner's have placed this on _your_ shoulders?!

'Deels, they just… they want _me_ , alright?’ Patsy shrugged, sounding almost incredulous, ‘They asked for me by name, I don’t-,’

'Why?!’ Delia shouted, ‘Why don't the Turners know any other nurses? Why can't they pick someone else?’ she exclaimed, her hands flying, ‘Barbara? Trixie? Why you?! Why is it always you??’

‘Deels…,’ Patsy sighed, her voice calm, ‘trust me, Phyllis tried. Even she doesn't want me to go and she tried to convince some of the others. It's just… I just think that maybe…’

'Well I don't want you to go either!’ Delia exclaimed, throwing her hands out, exasperated, 'I don't want you to fucking go, alright!’

More heavy tears streamed down her face and rolled off her chin, but this seemed to go unnoticed by Delia who was furious.

‘For once in my life I want to be selfish!’ she shouted, ‘I want to think about what I want for once! I feel like I just found you Pat's and I don't want you to go. _I don’t want you to fucking go_!’ Delia nearly shrieked, her hands clenched into fists.

Patsy could only stare, mildly shocked as she witness Delia in a moment where she uncharacteristically lost her cool.

Unfortunately for her, Delia mistook Patsy’s silence as complacency.

‘You want to go, don't you,’ she seethed, her rage suddenly collected and honing in on Patsy, who merely blinked, ‘This is an easy way out for you, isn't it? How convenient this opportunity comes for you on today of all days,’ Delia said quietly, taking the oversized sleeve of Patsy's coat and harshly wiping the tears off her face with it, ‘You can just take off and run from your problems now, leave me here, forget all about me…’

'Stop,’ Patsy quietly commanded and the intensity in her voice and gaze silenced Delia.

She certainly deserved to be the focus of all the rage and anger Delia had for her in that moment, but she certainly wasn’t going to stand there and let Delia fill her own head with false narratives.

Neither woman broke eye contact for several moments and the two remained silent, Patsy clenching her jaw and working to control her breathing so she didn't lose her temper and lash out at the woman she…

Patsy swallowed a lump in her throat and ignored the stinging behind her eyes as she spoke.

'Delia, I know you're upset. I know this news is just the shit icing on the shit cake of the shit day we’ve both had, alright?’

'Then why didn't you say no?!’ Delia cried, her expression and tone conveying that she was pleading for understanding.

'Because being with you has given me a conscience, damn it!’ Patsy shouted finally, ignoring that her hair had fallen and was covering half of her face, 'Because for the first time in my life I _don't_ want to be selfish! I _don't_ want to just think about myself and _my_ wants for a change. Because me being sent away might actually _save_ our relationship and careers and deep down we both know that something like this is bigger than the two of us, than our relationship!’

Her voice echoed in that concrete hall, the dim yellow lights flickering above her and Delia once more. Patsy took a moment to collect her breath and calm her voice before she spoke again. She wasn’t here to fight. She wasn’t here to push Delia away. Above all she needed to change the course of this conversation because, if anything, she needed Delia to know just how much she meant to her.

'And… and I'm telling you all this now because even though I didn’t say ‘no’, I didn’t say ‘yes’ either. This isn't a decision I can make on my own,’ Patsy said softly, raking her fingers through her hair, ‘I don't want to. I want it to be something we decide on together because… because that's how important you have become to me. Whatever next step I need to take in my life, I want you included in some way. Especially if it means we might be separated by continents and oceans for several months…’ Patsy trailed off for a moment, licking her lips, her gaze averting Delia’s, ‘What you think, how you feel… it all matters to me now, a great deal, actually and… and I don’t want to do this by myself. I need you, Delia.’

Patsy finally looked up and noted with a light heart that Delia’s face seemed to soften at her words. The brunette remained quiet, and Patsy decided to continue.

‘Look… earlier… I acted the way I did today because I’m just… I’m trying to protect this,’ she said, clenching her fists and bringing them to her chest, ‘… us. This relationship. It’s…,’ Patsy paused and turned her head towards the stars.

She closed her eyes, the tears that had been threatening to fall all evening finally streamed down her cheeks, feeling hot.

‘Delia, you are unlike anyone I’ve ever been with… hell, unlike anyone I’ve ever even met before. I feel like I had been so broken on the inside for so long and you… you are so strong, so loving and so patient. You’ve taken my hand and guided me… you’ve been by my side while I’ve taken these steps to… to make myself better and you…’

Patsy harshly wiped her eyes with her sleeve, and she was surprised at first to feel a hand on hers. She blinked her eyes open to see Delia looking up at her with pleading eyes, holding her hand in hers.

Patsy swallowed another lump in her throat before she continued.

‘For years I shut myself off from others, thinking that I was unlovable, but you… you made me feel loved and…,’ she took another deep breath, her chest filling with a thrilling excitement and dread of the unknown before she continued, ‘you’re the most important person in my life and I want to share myself with you.’

Patsy felt a little relieved when she felt Delia squeeze her hand a little tighter, the smaller woman finally turning to face her and step just a bit closer towards her. Delia remained silent and looked up at Patsy pleadingly as she brought her other hand to cup Patsy’s face, her thumb stroking her cheek gently.

Patsy sniffed, grasping onto Delia’s arm to keep herself from shaking.  

‘I’ve never… Deels, you are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You see the good in me and that makes me want to be good. Not just to others, but to myself, too. You see the beauty in me and that makes me feel so beautiful, which is _not_ something I have ever felt before, and I’m… I’m…,’ Patsy paused, licking her lips and unable to meet Delia’s eyes as she gathered her courage to say how she felt, ‘I am thrilled and terrified of this at the same time because…,’ she let out an shaky breath, blinking as hot and heavy tears rolled down her face and off her chin ‘because... because I have fallen so helplessly in love with you,’ she clenched her teeth and swallowed again, willing herself to not think about how much of a weepy mess she was right this second, ‘I’m very much in love with you and I’m just… I’m so scared...’

Patsy still couldn't meet Delia’s eye. She didn’t want to. She said Delia gave her strength but she didn’t know if she had the courage to see Delia’s reaction to this confession. It felt liberating to say because deep down Patsy knew it was the truth, but all last night she had been telling herself all this was too much too soon. Was Delia even ready for this? Had she been selfish in not considering Delia’s feelings before saying something so intense? Even though she was just being honest?  

Patsy was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Delia leap into her arms, the smaller woman practically falling into her as she wrapped her arms around Patsy’s neck, the redhead instinctually wrapping her arms around Delia to hold her tight, taking a step back so they wouldn’t topple over.

‘Patsy…’ Delia said in the taller woman's ear, ‘I love you too, you fool’.

Patsy squeezed her tighter a feeling of absolute relief washed over her.

‘I’ve been dying to say it, Pats,’ Delia said, her voice muffled slightly as she pressed herself impossibly tight against the crook of Patsy’s neck, ‘I love you, I love you,’ Patsy hear Delia take a breath before pulling away slightly so she could look at her.

‘God, Pats,’ Delia breathed, her eyes scanning Patsy’s features as her hands pushed back her unruly red hair, ‘I love you so much.’

Patsy had never had someone look her in the eye and tell her they loved her before.

She couldn’t believe this was her life. This felt so unreal.

‘I know it’s crazy, but it feels so good to finally say it…’ Delia mused.

‘Are we crazy?’ Patsy asked, genuinely curious.

‘Who cares?’ Delia said, her face breaking out into the most magnificent grin.

Patsy couldn’t help but smile, picking the brunette off her feet and twirling her around right there. Delia’s laughter and happiness in the moment was absolutely infectious. She placed her back down again, the two women falling into smiles and giggles as Patsy felt her anxiety completely vanish, and much to her displeasure all her adrenaline vanished, too.

Patsy felt herself sway from all her depleted energy and she instinctively reached over to grasp onto the railing of the balcony.

‘Are you alright?’ Delia asked, her expression suddenly one of concern as she held onto Patsy’s arms.

‘Yes… sorry, it’s just, I’m suddenly remembering I’ve been awake for nearly 36 hours.’

'Oh dear,’ Delia said fussing over Patsy suddenly, her arms around Patsy's hips as she guided her back to her flat, 'Alright, let's get you to bed, cariad.’

Patsy took her sleeve and wiped her face of any remaining tears as they walked and entered her flat, Cynthia close by looking concerned.

‘Everything alright?’ she asked, giving a distrustful stare to Patsy, 'there was a lot of shouting…’

'Its alright, Cynthia,’ Delia said, 'we worked it all out. Let me just get Patsy to bed.’

‘No, you don't need to… I can go back to my place, I can make it,’ Patsy said tiredly, not wanting to give Cynthia any more excuses to think she was a worthless person who was undeserving of Delia and her kindness.

'Nonsense, you're sleeping here tonight,’ Delia insisted.

Patsy was much too tired to put up any more protest, and she let Delia guide her back to her bedroom where she helped Patsy undress, situating her in a top and boxer shorts that were oversized on Delia but fit Patsy just fine.

Delia pushed the duvet aside and made room for Patsy to crawl in, tucking the tired woman in snug. Patsy turned on her side to face her, feeling undeserving of all this care and attention after what she had put Delia through that day. Delia merely smiled at her kindly and reached up, tucking a lock of red hair behind Patsy’s ear and ran the pad of her thumb over her eyebrow lovingly.

'I’m going to set my alarm nice and early so you have plenty of time to go back to your place in the morning,’ Delia said, her voice soothing, making Patsy's eyes grow heavy.

Delia kicked off her shoes and lay down next to Patsy, facing her. She took Patsy by the hand and kissed her knuckles, her other hand reaching up to run her fingers through her red hair. Patsy could feel herself relaxing, closing her eyes at her gentle touch.

'Don’t worry about Trixie,’ Delia said softly, 'don't worry about this whole business with Dr. Turner…’

'How can I not?’ Patsy replied, 'I probably made things worse with my behavior today and Phyllis needs an answer by Monday…’

'Pats, love, it'll all be ok. We… we both know now to be more careful at work and… and Monday… well, that gives us plenty of time to talk about it, doesn’t it?’ Delia leaves forward to kiss Patsy on the forehead sweetly, 'We’ll talk about it over the next few days and make a decision together. Just like you said…’

Delia sighed, her expression turning to one of regret before she continued.

'I'm sorry about earlier,’ she sighed, ‘What I said was mean. I don't think you're really running away from your problems…’

'Deels, come here, darling...’ Patsy trailed off and used the last of her strength to pull the smaller woman to her, holding her close to her chest, 'I'm not upset with you. God knows I deserve it after the things I've put you though,’ she paused a moment to take a deep breath, the scent of Delia surrounding her.

‘Are you sure you want to love me?’ she asked tiredly.

Delia gave a small laugh and tucked her head under Patsy's chin, nuzzling against her chest.

'You're an absolute fool and you drive me crazy, but I love you something awful.’

'I love you too…’ Patsy trailed off, her eyes closing and not wanting to open again. Her vision and her mind turned black, there stress and tension of the day finally dissipating. The feeling of Delia's weight against her, being immersed in Delia's bed surrounded by her scent and her warmth had lured her into a deep, heavenly sleep.

* * *

 Naturally, after several heartfelt talks up until when Patsy needed to give Phyllis an answer, the two had agreed that Patsy should go.

It didn’t take much to bring Patsy around to the idea, her top priority being to protect Delia and their relationship.

Delia didn't like it. There were more breakdowns. More crying. Delia was fairly certain that she and Patsy could continue on as they had been without her needing to go across to the other side of the world. She couldn’t bare the thought of that much physical distance being between the two of them for an undetermined amount of time. Though, eventually, she reasoned that, after all said and done, Patsy would be using her skills and experience to help an under-served community, in much more dire need of help than Poplar was.

In that regard, Patsy was right. Something like this was much bigger than their relationship and Delia knew she would never forgive herself if she kept Patsy from being part of this, no matter how much it hurt her. Additionally, even though they would be separated, they would be safe.

Patsy was dealing with her own hurdles after finding her courage and telling Phyllis that she would go on the assignment. Up until that particular moment in time, Patsy had never really had anything of such importance to prepare for. No birthdays to celebrate or holidays with family, no trips or even get togethers with old friends. She had never really had something to look forward to, to anticipate, to plan for.

So she found it astounding, really, how time seemed to go by so slow day to day but the weeks just flew by in preparation for this assignment. As soon as she said yes, her life became a flurry of meetings with Doctors Without Borders representatives, emails and Skype chats with Dr. Turner in the middle of the nights, seeing doctors for her own medical exams and vaccinations, filling out mountains of paperwork and collecting every government document and proof of citizenship she could dig up from long forgotten boxes of files shoved in her closet somewhere. All this in conjunction with her regular work and suddenly she found herself at the end of May with less than a week left until she had to leave.

'What are _we_ going to do though,’ Patsy asked nervously that spring Sunday morning.

She heard Delia sigh beside her as they sat shoulder to shoulder, the both of them staring out and watching a group of children play football in the distance as Delia sipped her tea and Patsy idly smoked a cigarette.She was days away from taking off for her flight to join Dr. Turner in Cambodia and after everything she had been through, the weight of the entire situation seemed to be finally sitting heavy and low in her chest.

'We’re going to make it through this, right?’ Patsy asked.

'We’ll do what everyone else does,’ Patsy heard Delia say, and she turned to look at the woman when she felt Delia grab a firm hold of her hand, 'we’ll write. We’ll wait. We’ll love...’

Patsy remained silent and slowly nodded, Delia's words and demeanor comforting her.

'I've fallen… so very much in love with you,’ Delia sighed, 'and that's not something that can just be undone. No matter how far away you are or how long you're gone…’

Patsy watched as Delia's expression turned rather sad, and the woman squeezed Patsy's hand before letting go, moving to instead rest her head on her shoulder.

Patsy's own expression turned dour at the sight of seeing Delia so forlorn. She took a deep breath as the thought of something she had been mulling over for the last few weeks came to the forefront of her mind, and Patsy decided to stop mulling it over and to just come out and ask Delia already.

Patsy took one last drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out, moving to wrap her arm around Delia so her head rested in the crook of her shoulder.

'Deels, darling,’ Patsy said softly, bringing her other hand to sweetly stroke her finger along Delia's  jawline. She couldn't help but place the smallest kiss on the top of her head.

'Hmm?’

'Have you renewed you lease on your flat? With Cynthia?’

Delia chuckled slightly, 'It's not up until July. Why are you asking?’

'Are you planning on renewing?’ Patsy asked, ignoring Delia’s question.

Delia looked up at Patsy then, her eyebrow arched curiously, 'Maybe? Really, why are you asking?’

Patsy bit her lip nervously but managed a smile, 'Oh, no reason, really. I just know a certain fluffy boy who is going to be in need of a flat mate once I'm off. He gets quite lonely, you know, and could use someone around to cuddle and glare at spitefully.’

'Pats, you know George is no suitable replacement for you,’ Delia said, finally cracking a smile as she crossed her arms, ‘but if you’re asking me to take George in, I will…’

'No, I'm asking _you_ to move _in_ with George,’ Patsy clarified.

'Pats… are you…,’ Delia turned to look at Patsy almost incredulously, ‘you want me to move into your flat?’

'Absolutely,’ Patsy said, trying to stay calm to convey she was being genuine, even though her stomach felt like it was filled with all the butterflies in the world in that moment.

'Wha…’ Delia blinked, sighing exasperated, ‘I mean…’ Delia looked distraught for a moment as the idea sank in, and Patsy cringed. This was the exact opposite reaction she wanted, and she leaned forward to grasp both of Delia's hands in hers, determined to make herself clear and try to fix this.

'Deels, listen, I’m sorry I'm just springing this on you and... you can absolutely say no if you want to it's just… sweetheart, I just want to do what I can to take care of you while I'm away and I thought… well, I bought my flat outright when I moved in so there’s no mortgage.’

Patsy brought a hand to her mouth and bit on a cuticle nervously.

‘I just thought… I wanted you to move in so you can save whatever it is you're spending on rent now. You can use that money to… well, for whatever you like, really. Save it. Send it home. Go on holiday…’ Patsy trailed off and looked up at Delia, meeting her eye.

Delia’s expression not changing one bit and her heart sank in her chest.

‘Oh, Deels, I’m sorry,’ Patsy looked back down, raking her hands through her hair, ‘I didn’t mean to presume… I just thought-,’

'Pats,’ Delia cut her off, ‘Oh cariad, I'm not upset,’ she said reassuringly, reaching out to cup Patsy’s face in her hand while the other interlocked with Patsy’s, ‘I'm not, I promise. That's all so very sweet, it's just…’

'What is it?’ Patsy asked softly.

Delia sighed, 'I just… it's just the thought of being in your flat when you're not there.’

Delia dropped her hand and placed her forehead against Patsy’s shoulder.

‘Everything is going to smell like you. Everything is going to remind me of you. It just might take some time to be there without… without missing you so much,’ Delia finished sadly,

She looked down at their intertwined hands almost dejectedly.  

'Everything in there is yours too, you know? It’s _your_ space. I’ll just always feel like I don't really live there. I'll just be a visitor,’ Delia trailed off quietly, almost sounding as if she were going to start crying.

'Oh…’ Patsy trailed off, understanding what Delia was trying to say. Her heart sank in her chest a little at Delia’s sad expression. Her suggestion that Delia move into her flat did not turn out how she intended, and after a moment, an idea struck her that had her sitting up suddenly with enthusiasm.

It was just a flat at the end of the day, wasn’t it? People moved out and in all the time. It was what you _did_ with the place was what mattered.

‘Well we can very much fix that now, can’t we?’ Patsy said, looking to Delia hopefully.

'How do you mean?’

Patsy stood suddenly, a grin breaking out on her face as her chest swelled with excitement.

'We’ll make it ours!’ she exclaimed happily, not caring that strangers in the park were looking at her.

'Ours?’ Delia blinked.

'Well go shopping!’ Patsy said, suddenly full of energy, her mind racing as she paced in front of Delia, ‘We’ll pick out things together. New bed sheets!’ she exclaimed, turning to Delia, ‘New towels! New curtains! Throw rugs and pots and pans! What else is there? Plates! We’ll get plates!’

Delia giggled, her dimples showing and Patsy was happy to see the smaller woman's mood changing.

'I like plates,’ Delia said with a smile, and Patsy beamed.

Delia licked her lips and looked back up at Patsy uncertainly, giving her a rather lopsided grin.

‘Oh… is that… are you not sure?’ Patsy asked, turning to face Delia, scratching the back of her head nervously.

‘No it’s just…,’ Delia looked back up at Patsy rather shy, ‘can we paint the walls too?’

Patsy couldn’t help but laugh, ‘Yes, Deels, we can absolutely paint the walls.’

Delia stood and grasped Patsy’s hands in hers.

‘Alright,’ she said, ‘I think I’m coming around to this idea, only…’

Patsy tilted her head, ‘Only what?’

‘Only I want to decorate the walls, too.’

‘Ok,’ Patsy shrugged, ‘we’ll get some artwork, too.’

‘No, I… I don’t want artwork. I want pictures of you. Of us.’

Patsy's heart fluttered nervously and she swallowed a lump in her throat, the mere thought of having her photo taken, with Delia no less, sent panic through her system. She still had no mirrors in the house. She still had issues with the way she looked. She was still paranoid about anyone finding out about her and Delia being together. In the few months they had been together, Patsy had been adamant about not having her picture taken, less it somehow ended up on some social media page she was unaware of and exposed their relationship. Delia thus far had been absolutely respectful of this request for no photos.

The look of sincerity and genuine earnest in Delia’s eyes had Patsy squelching her anxiety over it all.

Sod it, she thought. Surely if Delia had been compliant all this time about her not wanting photos of them out there, she could certainly be trusted to keep any photos of them to herself. She looks at you all the time anyway, Patsy reasoned, she’s not going to think you look bad in photos like you seem to.

Patsy sighed.

‘Ok.’

‘Ok?’ Delia asked, looking a little relieved, albeit extremely happy.

‘Yeah,’ she raked her hands through her hair and took a step back, ‘Give me your phone.’

Delia did as she was told and Patsy opened the camera, her long arm holding it up as she turned and wrapped the other around Delia’s shoulder, turning to kiss the woman's ear, causing her to shriek playfully as Patsy snapped a photo.

She handed Delia back her phone, ‘Keep this out and start snapping.’

‘Pats, what are you- Oh!’ Delia exclaimed, Patsy turning and grasping both her arms, hoisting her up on her back. Delia instinctively wrapped her legs around Patsy’s hips and the redhead reached behind to interlock her fingers under Delia’s bum, holding her secure.

‘Alright, off we go!’ Patsy shouted over Delia’s laughter, and took off running in one direction, Delia bouncing on her back behind her.

‘No! Patsy!’ Delia shouted through giggles, ‘Ikea’s the other way!’

Patsy huffed and came to a stop, turning around and running in the other direction as Delia giggled in her ear, the sound making Patsy’s heart race. A grin broke out on her face as Delia somehow managed to hold her phone out in front of them without dropping it and snapped a few blurry photos of them acting like fools. Patsy didn’t care though, as the sound of Delia giggling happily in her ear was in stark contrast to the crying she had heard when she last carried her on her back through a snowstorm.

* * *

 Later that week, Patsy woke up with Delia in her arms in a flat that had been completely transformed. Several new things that she and Delia had picked out together were now adorning several rooms in the flat. The new additions seemed to make the space more bright and cheery, all Delia's doing. The change of scenery made Patsy happy too, most notably the now yellow walls decorated with framed photos of their day out together (Patsy also noticed that Delia had snuck in a few candid shots of her sleeping, which she was not entirely pleased about but let then stay up in the end as it all made Delia happy).

George could even now be found spending most of his time purring happily from his new cat tree in the corner of the lounge.

Patsy's only grievance was the ghastly pot Delia had managed to find in the back of the cupboard somewhere that she insisted be used to hold the fresh flowers she had brought back with them after their shopping spree. Patsy didn't particularly care for how it looked sitting in the window, but if it made Delia happy then there it would sit. She made a mental note that if they truly were able to pick up where they had left off when she returned from this assignment, she would make sure that pot had a fresh bouquet every Sunday.

Now though, it was Friday. Today was the day she was to leave.

Delia had made them breakfast and the two shared a loving, lingering kiss goodbye before she took of her her shift at the clinic, both sadly noting that it would be the last time they would kiss for several months.

Patsy stayed behind to clean and do some last minute laundry, merely tutting at George's antics as he climbed into her bag as she was packing and not losing her patience with the boy. She had a feeling he was much more clever than she thought, and that he suspected something was up and he didn't want her to go. She scooped him out of her bag and gave him as long of a cuddle as she could before she had to get on with her packing, less she be late.

Patsy packed light, figuring she would be in scrubs most days, and so she was able to roll up her clothes and fit everything in nice and tidy into one carry-on.

She made her way to the clinic with her bag draped over her shoulder, heading to her office to collect some paperwork and possibly go over any last minute details with Phyllis and Julienne. Fred had also kindly offered to give her a lift to the airport, and the two of them were set to leave together early that afternoon.

Patsy managed to sneak into her office unnoticed as the rest of the nurses were busy, presumably with clients. She took the time to try and forget that Delia was somewhere about while she rifled through her filing cabinet, her bag open as she tucked the needed files in.

She was tidying up one last thing or another when there was a soft knock on the door frame.

Patsy looked up to see Delia standing there with her finger to her lips, a silent command for Patsy to be quiet.

Patsy stood up straight, her mouth curling into her signature fishhook smirk with an eyebrow raised as she watched Delia slowly take a small sealed envelope out of her breast pocket and place it into the open bag sitting on Patsy's desk.

Patsy's breath caught in her throat slightly, a stinging sensation behind her eyes when she made out the words on the envelope.

My love.

Patsy looked back to Delia, the brunette peeking around the door frame to see if the coast was clear before she silently hooked her finger, beckoning to Patsy to step towards her.

Patsy did, and Delia reached into her pocket, taking Patsy's hand and placing something small and familiar onto her palm.

Patsy merely smiled, not needing to know that it was Delia's little sock that she had grown to love. What started out as a treat for being good with her temper and keeping her promises like going to the gym and therapy had become something more. A secret, yet intimate token of the love and appreciation they had for one another. The gesture made Patsy feel so calm, like everything was going to be alright. Holding onto something that had such reverence between the two that represented their strange, yet loving relationship made Patsy feel more loved and cared for than any other kind of trinket Delia could have just gone out and bought.

Delia took a deep breath, licking her lips slightly before she silently mouthed _I love you_. She squeezed Patsy's hand and turned to walk away before Patsy's brain could even catch up to respond.

Patsy stood in the doorway and watched her retreating form, but she had no time to linger as the sound of someone obnoxiously clearing their throat pulled her attention away.

Patsy blinked, her heart jumping into her throat as she looked over to see Phyllis eyeing her, her hands clasped behind her back as she rocked on her heels, her face looking bulldogish and unreadable as usual.

'All set Nurse Mount?’

Patsy came to her senses at once and nodded, turning and quickly pocketing the sock before hastily zipping up her bag. She hitched it over her shoulder and exited her office, and walked alongside Phyllis towards the break room.

'I believe we have everything in order on our end,’ Phyllis said with a curt nod, ‘The time you've spent with Trixie and Valerie these last few weeks I think has really prepared them to step up in your absence.’

'I’m glad,’ Patsy remarked with a small smile, ‘I wouldn't feel right leaving you all for this stretch of time if I didn't think the team could handle it.’

And it was true. Patsy had been spending plenty of extra time with the two other most senior nurses after her, going over her schedule of patients and overseeing their methods to ensure they were well suited to take over for her in her absence. They had come a long way, Patsy thought, and she had no reservations leaving them on their own, especially with Phyllis close by to make sure everything was kept in working order like clockwork.

Both Patsy and Phyllis stopped short of the door to the alley, not quite knowing what else to say. She and Phyllis had such a formal relationship that all conversation was kept to either work or the weather, which was why Patsy was rather surprised when Phyllis spoke once more.

'I’m proud of you, kid.’

'You are?’ Patsy blinked, raising an eyebrow.

'To step up and take on a task like this,’ Phyllis said, turning on her heel to Patsy and looking at her with a glint in her eye, 'it takes real courage and ambition, and an immense amount of selflessness to step up and take on a task such as this,’ she remarked with a boldness that made Patsy question whether or not the woman was upset that she wasn’t going on this assignment herself, ‘It’ll be challenging, but I'm certain you'll affect a lot of lives for the better, maybe even come back an even better person yourself.’

Patsy could only manage a rather bashful smile at her words.

‘Good luck out there kid,’ Phyllis said, extending her hand, 'I'm proud of you.’

Patsy accepted the firm handshake, a little touched since Phyllis telling her she was proud was more than she had heard from nearly any adult in her life.

The moment was broken as Julienne entered the room, appearing in the doorway to the alley.

'Oh, there you are,’ she said with a small smile, giving Patsy a once over.

Patsy clutched her bag nervously, very much aware that she had dared to wear a short sleeve top for the first time in years without some long sleeved thermal or other sort of a garment to cover her arms. It was rather liberating, her arms naked and exposed to the air, and quite relieving given the temperature that afternoon, but at the same time rather nerve-wracking. She was proud of herself for not having bitten her arms in months. The marks on her arm had faded greatly to the point where people would merely think that she had walked through a particularly thorny thicket and be none the wiser to her self harming ways. Nonetheless Patsy still felt rather exposed and out of her comfort zone, but she figured she would be much more out of her comfort zone in a matter of days so she may as well start small while she could.

Patsy felt her face turn red slightly from Julienne's polite but lingering glance at her arms. She hoped that she would he able to sneak out the back and into the car with Fred unnoticed by anyone else. All this preparation for her trip left her feeling anxious and she was ready to just get on with it already.

'And just where have you been, Julienne?’ Phyllis asked, peering down her nose at the woman through her glasses.

'Just rounding up the girls to see off Nurse Mount, of course,’ Julienne said holding open the door, her smile turning to one of glee at Patsy's reaction.

Patsy's jaw went slack, her eyes wide.

'What,’ Patsy deadpanned.

'Ah, jolly good,’ Phyllis quipped, unapologetically shoving Patsy out the door into the alley.

Patsy stumbled over her own feet slightly before standing up straight to see all her co workers standing around by the car, all of them turning to look at her in tandem as they broke out into enthusiastic applause and hollers for her, shouting _We’ll miss you!_ and wishing her well.

There was a brief pause in their cheering as all the women, save for Delia, looked directly at her bare arms. Patsy felt the hairs stand on the back of her neck and her shoulders hunch, feeling very much like a startled cat at all their surprised gazes. She hoped to God her marks aren't as noticeable as she thought they were.

'Oh, bloody hell,’ Patsy could hear Valerie say angrily, Lucille standing next to her looking rather smug.

'See, I told you she didn't have any tattoos,’ Lucille said.

Valerie grumbled as she pulled out five quid from her pocket and slapped it into Lucille's outstretched hand.

A gentle hand on her shoulder kept Patsy from protesting their little bet, and she turned to see Julienne looking up at her with, for once, a kind smile.

'Do be sure to write every now and again? We want to hear all about your experience there,’ she said, a genuine interest in her expression.

Patsy was surprised to see Julienne then open her arms and pull Patsy down for a hug.

'Um, certainly,’ Patsy stuttered as she awkwardly hugged her back, ‘I want to keep up with all that's going on here too,’ she added.

When she pulled away, Patsy turned and found herself going down an assembly line of hugs and well wishes from Barbara, Trixie, Valerie and Lucille, everyone wanting her to have a safe journey and to keep in touch and write often.

At the end of the line was Delia, looking back up at her with a strong smile even though her eyes shimmered.

'Come here,’ Patsy said opening her arms and pretending that she hadn't already hugged Delia hundreds of times by then.

It was no use. Patsy threw caution to the wind in that moment and pulled her in close, taking those last few precious seconds she had with Delia to feel her pressed against her and smell her hair, taking the chance to leave her with parting words she knew to be the absolute, most honest thing she could ever think to say.

'You're my girl,’ Patsy said so softly in Delia’s ear so that no one else could hear, 'and I love you.’

She heard Delia sigh in her ear, and together at the same time, they let go.

* * *

 Patsy tucked the little blue sock back into her pocket and slammed down her empty glass with a noisy clink against the bar, the sound muffled slightly over the hustle and bustle of the airport around her.

The scene of when she last saw and held Delia, telling her she loved her, played over in her mind once again for what seemed to be the millionth time. Delia wore a smile in that moment only because she had to, but Patsy wondered if she felt as miserable as she did just then.

She took a deep breath and wondered if all this separation and heartbreak was going to be worth it.

Patsy paused, thinking about how much she truly loved Delia.

She subtly felt the sock in her pocket again, her anxiety abiding as she ran her thumb over the soft fabric.

There wasn't anything that Delia had ever done or said to make Patsy think that she loved her any more or less than Patsy did.

They could do this. They would make it through this.

Patsy raked her hands through her hair as she caught a snippet of the song playing faintly from the speakers overhead.

_It's been so lonely without you here_   
_Like a bird without a song_   
_Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling_   
_Tell me baby where did I go wrong_

'Christ,’ Patsy swore, thinking that of all the songs in the world, she _would_ be made to listen to this one right about now, as if her thoughts weren't already occupied with the one person she wanted to be with but couldn't.

_I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard_   
_But I'm willing to give it another try_   
_'Cause nothing compares_   
_Nothing compares to you_

‘God damn it Sinéad,’ Patsy said to herself as she leaned over the bar and raised her glass, signaling to the bartender for a refill.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would absolutely be vehemently against advocating for being with anyone who confessed their love only after one month (give or take) of dating. If you are in this situation in real life, ruuuun! But here, in fanfic land, totally acceptable. 
> 
> Also, I don't think my digital art is ever going to mature past looking like I make all of them in MS Paint. Eh, whatareyagonnado. 
> 
> This was another tough one for me to write, mainly because of Patsy's confession. Had to dig down real deep to find the words for that one. Also I don't really like how the chapter ended/felt kind of cheesy and forced, but I'm hoping you fellow pupcakers can put up with a bit of hokey-ness every once in awhile - god knows the show has its moments. I'm being fussy and over analyzing so I'm just going to stop. Just let me know it's not absolute rubbish, alright? One chapter to go then epilogue, hang in there.
> 
> One last plug for [votesaveamerica](https://votesaveamerica.com/) if you're here in the states. If you haven't voted early, election day is this Tuesday. Put an alert in your calendar, grab a friend, go vote. Last week we had thirteen more reasons as to why your vote this midterm is vital; two who were merely shopping in a Kroger grocery store, and eleven who were praying in a house of worship. A democratic house and senate can pull the mic from this bigot who has emboldened racists to come out of the shadows and act on their hatred in the most vile and sickening way. We can make it happen if we vote.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why hadn't Patsy written? Where was she? When would she return? Would she? What if she had decided to stay? What if she's met someone else?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written through Delia's POV, as I'm not a nurse nor have I ever been to Cambodia so I feel like I wouldn't really be able to explore on Patsy's experience there and do it justice. All the same, really, as the show showed us Delia pining over Patsy in her absence, I do the same here, but you know, with my own dramatic flare. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

Delia groaned into the toilet bowl, her whole body shaking and in pain from having vomited again for what seemed like the the tenth time. All the food and booze she had consumed that Saturday afternoon had long ago been purged from her body and all that was coming up now was bile and water she had tried to drink but couldn’t keep down.

She spit and groaned, the muscles in her abdomen aching from all their hard work trying to prevent her from succumbing to alcohol poisoning as she struggled to reach for the lever for what she hoped to be the last time and flush down the soiled water.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and a meek, ‘Delia?’ from Cynthia.

Delia could barely keep her eyes open as she moved to lay on the floor, the light over the sink harsh and abrasive to her senses and she groaned, her arms sprawling out above her head to cover her eyes. She immediately regretted this decision as everything seemed like it was spinning, even when she closed her eyes.

Normally she would be disgusted with the thought of laying down on the bathroom floor like this, but she didn’t care about anything at all at the moment.

‘Delia, are you alright?’ Cynthia said through the door.

Delia merely lolled her head to the side and groaned again, vaguely aware of the door opening and Cynthia appearing, wearing scrubs as she had just finished her shift, hovering over the brunette as she stepped over her sprawled out body to assess the situation. Delia could make out the sound of running water and then a cool flannel over her face, wiping the tears from her eyes and around her mouth what she could only imagine was vomit.

‘Delia, come on now,’ Cynthia said as she stepped over Delia to get a better angle, ‘lets get you up off the floor, hmm?’

With a strength that Cynthia kept hidden from all, she managed to heave Delia up into her arms and off the floor.

Delia squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth, her head pounding from being raised off the ground and every muscle in her body just aching as she willed her feet to move along with Cynthia’s to guide her out of the small bathroom.

‘Not the bed,’ Delia managed to croak out, ‘I’ve got the spins. Can’t lay down…’

Wordlessly, Cynthia guided the two of them to the lounge where she gently sat Delia down on the recliner, allowing for Delia to stay sitting up with her eyes closed and head back without much effort.

Delia sat and focused on her breathing as she heard Cynthia shuffle around and she felt her flatmate lay a blanket over her. The gesture was sweet but she knew Cynthia would be upset with her as she had been these past few weekends. Delia leaned back and tucked the blanket under her chin, the weight of it feeling good against her. The sound of Cynthia kicking over empty bottles tinkled noisily through the flat as she entered the kitchen, and there was a disappointed sigh that emanated from the small nurse.

‘Only eight this time, I see,’ Cynthia blithely remarked as she bent down to pick up several empty beer bottles.

‘Stop,’ Delia pleaded as she felt tears prick her eyes.

Her head was pounding. Her body was throbbing. She felt so empty in more ways than one. Her body felt so hollow, her chest empty. It was a near constant pain that she found she could take away with getting drunk. For a bit at least, and then it always came back.

‘I don’t know why you’re doing this to yourself,’ Cynthia said from the kitchen, and Delia could hear it in her voice that she had little patience for her. Much to Delia’s displeasure, Cynthia was clamoring around noisily, slamming doors and drawers as she spoke.

‘Yes you do,’ Delia said so Cynthia could hear. Her abdomen hurt from the effort.

‘Alcohol is a depressant. You’re only making it worse,’ Cynthia said as she approached Delia once more, a plate of bread and butter, a glass of water, and paracetamol tablets. She placed everything on the coffee table haphazardly, the noise of the plated colliding with the table made Delia wince.

‘I don’t care.’

‘Well I care,’ Cynthia said firmly as she sat on the sofa across from her friend, looking to her worriedly, ‘Delia, I hate seeing you like this.’

‘Then just leave me here,’ Delia replied stubbornly.

‘No,’ Cynthia said, her fists clenched on her knees, looking determined, ‘Delia I’m not one to leave my friends in such a state,’ she said softly, more in character with her typical demeanor, ‘I’m not one to put them in such a state either,’ she trailed off, mumbling the last bit under her breath.

Delia sighed, ‘Cynthia, I’ve explained this to you.’

‘She could have said no.’

‘Well, she didn’t, alright?’ Delia said, growing annoyed. She was in no mood to talk, at all. Especially not about this.

‘I don’t know why,’ Cynthia looked away slightly, looking as if she was trying to scrounge up the courage to say what was on her mind, ‘I will never understand why you put up with this.’

‘Because I love her.’

‘And look where that’s gotten you,’ Cynthia said darkly, ‘You’re depressed and drunk almost to the point where I have to take you to hospital. It’s not right.’

 _‘This_ isn’t _her_ fault,’ Delia said through grit teeth, ‘I’m like this because I make bad decisions, alright?’

‘Because of her,’ Cynthia quipped.

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Maybe I don’t want to.’

‘Oh, piss off, would you!’ Delia finally snapped, raising her voice. Deep down she was grateful of the woman taking care of her, but of all the things this was the last she wanted to be having a conversation about right now, ‘How could you understand anyway!? Never had a boyfriend or anything in your life. What do you know about relationships?!’

Cynthia bristled, her eyebrows furrowing  and looking as if Delia had just smacked her.

'I may not have had romantic relationships, Delia,’ she said slow and quiet, sounding as if she were trying to control her temper, 'but I have loved and cared about people. I've had friendships that I think are so much more loving and fulfilling than what some people experience with a romantic partner and… and I know what it takes.’

Delia remained silent as she rolled her head to her right to crack an eye open to Cynthia, the woman breathing through her flared nostrils. Delia was upset herself, but she realized she may have crossed a line. Though, she wasn’t in the mood to apologize just yet.

‘I know how to be committed and care for another person,’ Cynthia continued, almost seething, ‘If Patsy were any good she would be here taking care of you right now.’

'Cynthia,’ Delia cut her off before she could say another thing about Patsy, 'it's not as if she's fucked off to get away from me.’

'It's not?’ Cynthia said, crossing her arms.

'Fuck you,’ Delia said, a fire roaring in her chest suddenly, having her feel defensive and overcoming her ability to speak reasonably, 'you don't know her like I do, alright? She loves me and I love her whether you like it or not.’

'I don't like it,’ Cynthia said stubbornly, 'I don't like it at all. I don't like how she treats you,’ Cynthia crossed her arms and glared at Delia, who could still barely open her eyes to return her spiteful glare.

'You don't know anything. You don't know what we've been through,’ she managed to say.

'I know you two can't go a week without having some fight or another,’ Cynthia said, her whole body tense as she clenched her fists on her knees, ‘Even when she told you she loved you it was only after you two had some huge fight-’

‘You didn’t hear the whole thing-,’ Delia started to say before she was cut off.

‘She loves you?’ Cynthia spat, ‘She has an awful way of showing it. It's not healthy, Delia. I hate seeing you so miserable.’

'Cynthia, just…’ she was so tired, in so much pain, 'just leave it alright? All this is temporary,’ she said softly, her eyes closing as she controlled her breathing, 'all this is temporary. Her being away, my drinking...’ she trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

'Your relationship was temporary,’ Cynthia remarked spitefully, finally rising from her seat on the sofa. She seemed unable to take any more of Delia’s excuses.

Delia sighed, exasperated, 'Cynthia, what is with you?! I've never heard you talk like this.’

'And I've never seen _you_ like this!’ Cynthia shot back, her hands gesturing to Delia being in the deplorable state she was in, ‘alone in your room crying nearly every night and drinking yourself sick on the weekends. I'm getting flashbacks of when that… that _awful_ woman used to send you home crying from the clinic every night when you first started working there!’ Cynthia finished, unable to bring herself to swear, 'God knows what will happen to you when you move out next week. You'll be all alone in that flat with no one to pull you up off the bathroom floor and clean you off when you inevitably make yourself pissed to the point of passing out.’

Delia let out a breath of air, willing herself to ignore the flip she felt in her stomach after having been reminded of her drinking and subsequent emptying of everything in her system one way or another on the toilet. It was not something she was proud of and after the last three weekends being in such a state after Patsy had left, she was at the point where she thought she finally might be ready to stop passing her time and attempting to numb whatever kind of pain she was in with binge drinking, as it was the drinking brought on a whole new world of pain that didn't change the emptiness and sadness she felt.

She sighed again, thinking Cynthia was right about this needing to end before she really got herself in trouble. She wouldn't be able to continue on like this once she moved out in a weeks time when their lease was finally up. She needed to sober up enough to move the last of her things into Patsy's… into _their_ flat before Jenny came in and took over for her as Cynthia's flatmate. As much as Delia had come to like Cynthia and enjoy her friendship, she thought her and the brunette were better suited for one another as flatmates and friends. For some reason she never really seemed like she fit in with the two of them and Chummy, as much as she had tried. A move like this was for the best.

But as it was now, it hurt way too much to move. Even breathing was challenging.

Delia sighed once more, bringing the blanket up to her chin.

'Look, I know on the surface it looks… questionable. In the beginning she wasn't the person I know now. She was in so much pain and didn't know how to reach out and ask for help…’ Delia trailed off, her eyes looking past Cynthia for a moment as a memory flashed through her mind. Patsy sitting on the bed, looking at her pleadingly. Delia had rubbed her arms and hands and feet with lotion, a simple touch to convey to her that she cared about the redhead. That she could be trusted with Patsy's story, that she could be vulnerable with her.

'She needed for someone to show her some compassion,’ Delia said softly, feeling tears prick at her eyes, ‘So I did and… and she… she’s changed. She’s not the same person she was. She doesn’t make me cry because she’s mean to me. She makes me cry because I love her and love is… a struggle, sometimes.’  

'I still don't like how you two fight,’ Cynthia huffed.

Delia smirked and laughed a little, 'Cynthia, every couple fights. I feel sorry for those who don't know how to fight and make up. Those relationships don't tend to last, or they're not healthy at all.’

‘How is yours healthy?’ Cynthia said, exasperated, ‘I mean, look at you! You’re a wreck and she hasn’t so much as sent you a text since she left!’

Delia looked up at Cynthia tiredly, not having the energy or interest in being angry at her friend anymore, 'Look… we… we agreed to do it the old fashioned way, alright?, she said lamely, not wanting to explain how their relationship could get them in trouble at work, ‘I knew what I was getting into when she left and… and we fight. We’ve certainly fought in the past and we will fight again in the future, but so far we have always talked it out and made up. Every relationship is going to have those challenging moments. Just like this is a challenge. Us being apart. We'll get through it. We'll make it.’

Cynthia sighed sadly, 'I wish I shared the sentiment,’ she shook her head, 'I just don't trust her…’ she trailed off, taking a step away from Delia.

Delia felt a pang of something pierce her heart. Something inside of her wanted to jump out and defend Patsy, but she knew in the moment it was a lost cause.

She was sick of fighting anyway.

Delia reached out and grasped Cynthia by the wrist before she could walk away.

'Hey,’ she started, and Cynthia looked down at her, her patience looking as if it was wearing dangerously thin, 'I'm sorry.’

Cynthia's expression seemed to soften at her words, and Delia dropped her hand.

‘I didn't mean to snap at you like that,’ she said softly, ‘I know I'm an awful mess right now and… and a bit much to deal with. I appreciate you being here to help me. Really. Thank you.’

Cynthia sighed, ‘I… it's… Delia it's hard to see you like this is all,’ she said, all anger seemingly dissipating in an instant.

'I know,’ Delia said, ‘I know it's bad and I'm going to stop,’ she pleaded, ‘I promise. I don't want you to have to worry about me, alright? I'm just… not coping well.’

‘Clearly,’ Cynthia said with a smirk.

The two women shared a look of understanding, and Cynthia raked her fingers through her shoulder length brown hair.

‘Delia, just… are you going to be alright when you move out? I really… I mean, you can still call me you know. If you just need to talk...’

A noise by the front door caught their attention but Delia was in no state to turn her head to see what it was. Cynthia sighed and walked the few paces to the entrance of their small flatto the door.

'Well… I stand corrected,’ Delia could hear Cynthia mumble.

Cynthia came back into the lounge and carelessly plunked three letters and a package down on Delia’s lap.

‘Seems I was wrong about her forgetting all about you.’

Cynthia walked off to her bedroom as Delia picked up the bounty in her lap. Three letters addressed to her and a small box. All from Patsy.

Delia blinked through the pain in her head and used any strength she had left over to rip open the first letter, her eyes quickly scanning snippets. She knew she would go back and read them a million times over later but right now she wanted to read everything all at once.

 

_I haven't landed yet and it's no fun staring at the back of the seat in front of me. I wish I was more excited to be going to a part of the world I've never seen before but you're all I can think about. I miss you._

 

The letter picked up some time later in Patsy’s journey, it seemed.

 

_Alright, made it safe. Dr. Turner is an enthusiastic man. Kind, but a little dopey. He reminds me a little of Nigel Thornberry (please tell me you’re old enough to remember that show!) The first thing I found out after I settled in was where you can send me letters in the post…_

 

Delia’s eyes scanned the aforementioned address and decided she would get over this hangover and send Patsy ten letters in the morning, she was so happy to have finally received something from her girl.

She couldn’t wait to read the others, so she put the first letter down and quickly opened the next.

 

_I've been running around like a mad woman working to get caught up with all these patients. Dr. Turner is a nice man if not a bit scatterbrained. I feel like I'm back at Nonnatus cleaning up after everyone's messes again, but it keeps me busy and the days are flying by so far. I hope it stays this way until my replacement comes. Still no word on when that will be officially._

_The hospital is loaded with patients. New mothers and infants and small children are everywhere. They're so happy though, their children bring them so much joy. The kids are everywhere, always singing and running around playing, it's hard to be sad here._

_I haven't had a day off quite yet and Dr. Turner insists I go out on an excursion and not overexert myself at work. There's an outing for the likes of us soon to Kirirum so I think I'll sign up and go._

 

Delia opened the third letter and pulled it out, feeling something bulky inside. She held the letter up and let it unfurl, a bright pink and white adenium falling into her lap.

 

_It was gorgeous. This country is so beautiful. God, Delia, I wish I could share this with you. The food alone is something you would absolutely appreciate but they have the most wonderful markets here. I picked something out for you because I was a terrible girlfriend didn't leave you with something to remember me by (though how could you forget someone like me?). Hopefully the gift I sent makes it with this letter. I hope you like it. I miss you so much, darling._

 

Delia placed the letter in her lap with the others and picked up the package. She dug her nails under the tape and peeled it off, popping open the small box to find something delicate wrapped tight in bubble wrap. Once she peeled that apart she pulled out a small slip of paper with Patsy's handwriting.

 

_A promise to meet again in the autumn._

 

Delia opened the wrap and saw a delicate gold chain. She pulled it out and held it in front of her, the chain revealing to hold a beautiful golden leaf pendant in the center.

She gazed at it for some time, taking in every detail of the chain and the indented ridges of the long golden leaf. The pendant swirled in front of her, seemingly glowing as it caught the light from the setting sun through the window.

Delia unhooked the chain and clipped it around her own neck, taking the leaf and holding it between her two fingers before she held it to her lips for a moment, taking in the weight and feel of it.

She tucked the jewelry under her top and felt it press against her skin, stinging slightly as the cold metal hit her body then turned warm from her body heat. Knowing this precious thing came from Patsy didn’t make her feel so hollow anymore, and with a deep breath of relief, Delia tucked the letters back into their envelopes and closed her eyes, finally willing herself to relax, but not before making a promise to herself that so long as she knew Patsy was still out there thinking of her, she would never stop thinking of her either.

Delia used whatever strength she had left to take the pills and eat the bread that Cynthia had set out for her.

She made another promise to herself in that moment, a wave of nausea hitting her as soon as she sat up, that she would never let her drinking get this bad ever again.

* * *

 

A week later, Delia officially moved into _their_ flat. She recruited Cynthia, Jenny, and Chummy for the task and it took no time at all. The three women approved of the decorations and George and Delia spent that evening rewarding her friends with pizza and a tabletop game, which seemed to make Cynthia very happy. Delia realized that she had not been together with these three in quite some time and that having them around made her happy, made her forget briefly why she had been so sad recently and she made plans to keep this whole game night a recurring thing. Cynthia rejoiced and planned to start a more complicated game that would likely take several weeks to get through. She clasped her hands together talking about creating her character sheets and Jenny groaned.

When the group had left that evening, Delia scooped up George and got ready for bed, and even though she was sleeping in a bed with sheets that still faintly smelled of Patsy, it calmed her. She clutched her necklace and thought to herself that in the letters Patsy had sent, the older woman hadn’t mentioned feeling sad at all. She hadn’t mentioned drinking or smoking; her letters certainly didn’t smell of the familiar stench of cigarettes that Delia had grown to associate with her by now. It was nice, but curious. Had Patsy stopped smoking? If she had, good on her. Though, that would mean that not only was Patsy busy and keeping busy with her outings on her time off, but she was still keeping her promise to be better to herself.

Delia scratched George behind the ears and thought back on the last month. She was sad. She was lonely, but heartbroken? No. She still had a love out there. They hadn’t broken up and she was certainly still alive and healthy. Still committed to her.

The thought made Delia smile.

Delia tossed and turned as she thought back on it. It was rather silly, wasn't it? To have made matters worse by drinking herself sick the last few weekends. What would have Patsy thought of her behaviour? She probably think she wasn’t worth all the fuss. She would have been upset that Delia was only making herself more miserable.

Patsy was being good though. She was keeping herself busy. The time was flying by for her, apparently.

Maybe she could do the same thing?

Delia fell asleep that night, pondering on just what she could do.

* * *

The next few weeks, Delia spent some time asking around, looking for things to get involved in besides work that would keep her busy, her mind occupied while Patsy was away and letters were far in between.

Valerie recruited her into her Karaoke competition team. Every Tuesday evening they would join the other two members of her team and sing songs against another team. A judge would then score their effort. They didn’t always win, but Valerie was a supportive teammate and Delia always had a blast belting out her feelings.

Phyllis had casually mentioned that the cub scouts needed another Akila on Wednesday nights as their little group of rambunctious boys was expanding. Delia offered and had a lot of fun running around after the little men and playing games, thinking that they all reminded her of her brothers that she didn’t realize she had missed so much until then.

Thursdays were team trivia night at the Black Sail, the pub that Valerie's family owned, and it was something that surprisingly Trixie had wanted the five of them to do. It may have had something to do with her wanting to be a better leader at work, encouraging them all to partake in some kind of team activity, but they quickly found out that they all made a pretty great trivia team. Barbara’s strength was geography, Trixies pop culture. Valerie knew all there was to know about sports, Lucille literature, and Delia history and politics. They named their team The Flying Nonnatuns and the team became notorious for being one of the best for the recurring regulars who knew they were going to have a tough time beating them.  

Fridays were tabletop game night with the others, a night that Cynthia was happy to host with the likes of pizza and other snacks, mostly Jenny's favorite to keep the woman happy even if spending her time playing a game like this wasn’t the most fun way she imagined spending her Friday night. Though, Delia suspected that this didn’t matter as the woman seemed to have a rather imaginative and competitive streak and was fairly into the game after a few rounds.

The weekends provided her no time to sleep in, which was challenging but she also saw it as a good thing so she could accomplish more in her day.

On Saturdays she would meet up with Barbara to ride with the cycling club that the two women had joined together, Delia for getting to know the city a bit better and Barbara for the practice in coordination and exercise.

Sundays were particularly challenging, she found, when she set her alarm to wake before the sunrise in time to meet Trixie for sunrise yoga in the park. With it being the summer months it seemed like the sun rose earlier and earlier and she was happy when the solstice finally happened. Delia also took the day to prepare herself for the week ahead, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking. She had George around to keep her company but it was usually no fun making food without Patsy around, and it was usually around then that she would remember to sit down and write to her girlfriend, asking her all about her experiences while she relayed what she had been up to, how much she missed her. It was also around this time that she would have a weekly call with her mother to catch up on life back in Wales and how her brothers were doing.

Lucille quietly invited her along to her book club, and as a result, every Sunday evening Delia would fall asleep reading that weeks chapter and then spend the Monday night sipping tea in someones quiet flat, usually a place with soft lighting, hanging plants, and cats, the smell of fresh scones and tea emanating from the kitchen. Lucille had cozy friends, Delia decided, and it made the experience of sharing her thoughts on what she read and listening to others all the more pleasant.

Before she knew it, Delia had every night of the week booked and she was happily preoccupied outside of work. The weeks seemed to fly by that she hardly even noticed that the summer months turned to Autumn.

As the leaves changed and fell and the weather grew chilly and windy, she kept an ear out around Phyllis and Julienne talking amongst themselves in the halls of the clinic for any word regarding Patsy and her whereabouts, how she was doing, when she would he returning. She figured if she hadn't written to her then surely she would contact Phyllis with an email at least, keep her up to date on when she would he returning. But as the days turned to weeks, she had heard nothing, and she was too nervous to walk right up to Phyllis and outright ask about Patsy.

Delia felt sad and despondent one afternoon as she sat in the break room alone drinking her tea. She barely even looked up when she noticed Phyllis enter the room to prepare her own.

'Finally caught a break this afternoon I see, Nurse Busby.’

'Hmm?’ Delia blinked at the sound of her name, suddenly aware that she had been staring off into space, her thoughts on Patsy as she casually flipped the golden leaf on her chain between her fingers. She quickly tucked the jewelry back under her top as Phyllis approached and sat down at the table with her.

'Getting on alright Nurse Busby?’

Delia's blinked back the tears she didn't know were threatening to escape and forced a smile. She nodded as she leaned forward, grasping her cup of tea between her two hands and trying not to notice Phyllis studying her.

‘Been kept quite busy this week, actually. I'm happy to have a moment to get off my feet today,’ Delia managed to say.

'Indeed,’ Phyllis said as she sipped her tea, her eyes focused on Delia for just another lingering moment before she sighed contently, settling a little more into her seat seemingly happy to be off her feet too.  

‘Tonight is book club night?’ Phyllis remarked, attempting to make conversation.

'Hmm? Oh, oh yes, I suppose it is’

‘Lucille was telling me about it. I believe she's trying to recruit new members, but on Mondays I have a prior engagement,’ Phyllis said as she casually blew on her tea.

‘That so?’ Delia asked.

‘Oh, yes. Nude figure drawing class,’ Phyllis said blithely.

‘Oh, you draw?’

'Model.’

Delia choked on her tea.

'So,’ Phyllis continued, nonplussed by Delia's reaction, ‘Delia, what are you and Lucille reading in your club this month anyway? Are you liking it?’

Delia cleared her throat and collected herself, blinking away the image of Phyllis modeling for a figure drawing class, ‘Oh, yes… right now we're reading through a book called Your Face Tomorrow by Javier Marías … a Spanish novelist, I believe. Poet, too.’

Phyllis nodded in understanding, 'Ah, yes. Reminds me of a book of poems I once read a long time ago when I decided to take Spanish lessons on a whim.’

Phyllis looked over to Delia, an endearing smile on her features as she recalled her memories.

'Do you like poetry, Nurse Busby?’ she asked.

Delia nodded politely, though she couldn't remember any time outside of school ever cracking open a book of poems.

Phyllis leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, taking a moment to recite.

 

"Ay, the pain it costs me  
to love you as I love you!  
  
For love of you, the air, it hurts,  
and my heart,  
and my hat, they hurt me.  
  
Who would buy it from me,  
this ribbon I am holding,  
and this sadness of cotton,  
white, for making handkerchiefs with?  
  
Ay, the pain it costs me  
to love you as I love you!"

 

Delia merely blinked and looked on politely as Phyllis looked at her over the perch of her glasses.

‘It’s True by Garcia Lorca,’ she remarked and sipped her tea, ‘In this way, the sadness of cotton, beautifully, becomes a remedy unto itself. The cotton, woven into a handkerchief dries the tears that it has created, suggesting that the sadness love causes is part of the love itself, and therefore to be cherished, used, and carried with us, just as a handkerchief is.’

Phyllis reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a cloth handkerchief, folding it up neatly before handing it to Delia.

‘Love bears all things, and the pain it costs to love, well. It's always worth it, I find.’

Delia could only bring herself to nod as Phyllis reached over and patted her hand in a comforting way.

'Nurse Crane,’

Both Delia and Phyllis looked over to see Julienne in the doorway to the break room, looking at Phyllis expectantly.

'Just received a call from the hospital. There's a matter of urgency regarding Mrs. Landford. Seems she's gone into labour already.’

‘Oh dear, I had a feeling that boy wanted out sooner than he was ready.’

Phyllis rose and gulped down her tea moving to throw her cup away but not before turning back to Delia briefly.

'I think I still have a copy of Lorca's poems if you would like to borrow them, sometime.’

Delia blinked, finding it within herself to nod.

'Splendid,’ Phyllis said before turning to Julienne and following her out the door, 'Now, how far apart are her contractions? Did the doctor say?’

The two senior nurses could be heard talking quietly amongst themselves as they made their way down the hall, their voices fading off as Delia merely gulped.

She looked down at the handkerchief tucked snug into her palm and clutched at her pendant against her chest, wondering how obvious she had been.

Phyllis knew. She must have. But if Phyllis of all people reached out to her to comfort her like that then maybe… maybe it was alright. Maybe when Patsy returned they wouldn't get in trouble if they made their relationship known?

If she returned.

Delia thought of the pendant between her fingers, thinking that Patsy had gotten this for her as a reminder that they would meet again in the autumn. Though, that time was passing quickly, without a word from Patsy saying when she would be back.

Delia pushed the negative thoughts away, bringing the handkerchief to the corner of her eye to wipe away a tear, reasoning was still out there, with her, thinking of her, committed to her.

It was painful, but Phyllis was right. Love bears all things, and for Patsy she would bear the pain it costs to love her.

Soon, winter had come.

November turned to December and Delia started seeing lights and decorations going up everywhere she went, the smell of peppermint and cocoa wafting through the streets as she passed the shops on her way to work and her various extracurricular activities in the evenings.

Despite all the jubilation that the holidays were near, Delia looked around the small flat one Friday morning and realized that Patsy hadn’t written in weeks. The sun had yet to rise and it was so cold, and for the first time in a long time, the space she was occupying felt so big, so empty. She was overcome with a sadness, a loneliness she hadn't felt since the weeks after Patsy had left and she grew worried. Anxious.

Why hadn't Patsy written? Where was she? When would she return? Would she? What if she had decided to stay? What if she's met someone else?

She hadn't received a letter in several months, actually. No personalized scrap of post fell through the door at all these last few weeks. Not even on her birthday that came and went, save for a small and happy card from her family, all signed by her parents and brothers telling her how much they missed her.

Delia clutched the necklace that she hadn't taken off since she put it on back in June. It had become a habit to reach for it when she was feeling worried or anxious or simply thinking of Patsy and how much she loved her. Up until recently it had been a source of finding calm and comfort, but now it alleviated nothing.

Delia tried to ignore the deep feeling of worry in the pit of her stomach as she prepared for work that morning.

Today was her last day at the clinic. Then it would be the holidays and then she would move onto her new position. Her residency would be complete and she would move onto a full time position at the London in January.

Her phone ringing interrupted her thoughts, but when she looked at the screen it was a number she didn't recognize, and even her phone said it was probably a spam caller. She ignored it and put her phone on silent, making her way out the door to start her last day.

The day went by quickly enough even more so since they were a nurse short that day. Valerie had called out sick the last few days, and everyone seemed unperturbed by this except for Lucille, who seemed uncharacteristically gloomy. The clinic had been decorated festively before all staff went their separate ways for the holidays, and not even the little green hats with elf ears Trixie made them all wear that day seemed to perk Lucille up, but soon it was all put to the wayside as the clinic burst to life with patients.

By midday Phyllis surprised everyone with a catered lunch. Even though no one had enough time to sit and enjoy the feast of gourmet deli sandwiches and homemade cookies provided by Julienne, they all were able to be rounded up for one moment so they could partake in a toast of eggnog to bid Delia a goodbye and wish her good luck in her new position at the hospital. Each were able to have a quick bite before they scurried off to see out the rest of their patients, all very much eager to get out of there as soon as possible when they closed up that evening.

When that time finally came, the nurses found themselves by the lockers in the back room, taking off their elf ears and changing into jumpers and jeans and sneakers and preparing to go out together that evening to the Black Sail, where Valerie's family were hosting a little holiday party and everyone was going.

Delia opened her locker and checked her phone, noting that two more calls came in that day from unidentified numbers that her phone noted as spam.

‘What the hell…?’ she mutters to herself as she hastily stuck her phone in her pocket, ‘is anyone else getting spam calls or is it just me?’ she asked to the other nurses in the room.

‘Oh, I get those sometimes,’ Barbara mentioned as she put on her coat, ‘been told I’ve won a free holiday to Greece or something.’

Trixie slammed her locker shut as she situated her purse over her shoulder, ‘Might be something to do with the holidays being round the corner? I’ve been offered a free cruise or two around the Mediterranean,’ she grimaced and shook her head, ‘you’re better off not answering those, less you want to get your hopes up.’

Delia shrugged and zipped up her coat, putting it out of her mind.  

The three nurses halted their motions and peered over each other to Lucille, who pulled a guitar out of her locker.

They all watched curiously as she set it down on the ground while she buttoned up her coat and situated her scarf.

‘Were you planning on serenading us this evening, Lucille?’ Trixie asked.

Lucille sighed, ‘No, not you.’

Delia smirked, amused by her response, ‘How do you mean? Why did you bring a guitar today?’

Lucille slammed her locker shut and looked to Delia, ‘Can I be honest with you?’

‘Um… sure?’

‘Valerie has confessed to me,’ she said darkly.

Trixie blinked, ‘Confessed?’

‘She likes me,’ Lucille elaborated.

‘Oh!’ Barbara exclaimed, her eyes wide and her mittened hands coming to cover her mouth, ‘she finally told you?’

‘Yes,’ Lucille said sadly, ‘and I’ve rejected her,’ she looked over to Delia with an eyebrow raised, ‘and after much contemplation, it’s a decision I’ve come to regret.’

‘Really?’ Delia asked, shifting from one foot to another, observing Lucille as she was starting to see the woman in a new light. She had known Valerie was gay, but Lucille?

‘Yes,’ Lucille said, picking up her guitar, ‘it happened a few days ago and I didn’t know how to take it. She’s my best friend and… and I’ve never considered being with another woman before,’ she sighed, ‘I told her that I didn’t return her feelings, but after having some time to think on it, I’ve come to realize I do quite like her.’

‘Like her enough to… date her?’ Delia asked.  

‘Yes,’ Lucille said, picking up the guitar and hitching the strap over her shoulder, ‘I… I've thought about things like holding her hand and kissing her and…,’ Lucille trailed off slightly, a faint blush on her cheeks as she stared off into space, looking as if she were retreating into her imagination, 'I think I would very much like to kiss her.’

Delia brought a hand to her mouth to hide her smile, 'Is that so?’

'I suspect she’s taken off the last two days to avoid me,’ Lucille remarked sadly.

‘Oh, sweetie,’ Trixie tisked, looking remorseful.

‘I’ve decided I need to make a grand romantic gesture,’ Lucille said, her posture straightening, ‘something to let her know that I do care, that I like her too, and that… that I’m willing to give it a try.’

Lucille puffed out her chest and exhaled, seemingly calming her jitters. Without waiting for a response from the others, she turned and exited the building, the heavy back door clicking noisily back into place as it closed.  

‘Oh, I have to see this,’ Trixie smiled as she rushed after her. Barbara and Delia shared an amused look and followed after her.

The three women were close on Lucille's heels as she marched down the street, seemingly dead focused and determined to reach Valerie's home without any interference or distractions.

Lucille suddenly halted and looked across the street to a row home with a light in the second story window, the girls nearly falling over one another as they all came to a stop.

‘Is this Valerie’s house?’ Delia asked, looking over and taking in the modest brick home.

‘Yes,’ Lucille said as she situated her guitar over her shoulder. The instrument twanged in her hands as she reached up to tune the strings.

‘You’re going to sing to her? Here? In the middle of the street?’ Trixie asked, and Barbara elbowed her friend in the ribs to shut up.

‘I’m going to try,’ Lucille said as she cleared her throat and let out another nervous breath of air, a white puff escaping her mouth and disappearing around her head from the cold.

Delia watched on, finding the whole thing rather endearing as Lucille quietly began to count off, thumping her thumb against the guitar and she began to sing.

 

_‘Well sometimes I go out by myself_

_And I look across the water’_

 

Delia could hear Lucille's voice shake with nerves, and she was being much too quiet for Valerie to hear inside her house, if she was there at all.

 

_‘And I think of all the things, what you're doing_

_And in my head I paint a picture’_

 

Delia realized she recognized the song, the lyrics coming to her in an instant. She quickly moved to stand next to Lucille and began to sing along with her.

 

_'Cause since I've come on home,_

_Well my body's been a mess’_

 

Lucille smiled at Delia appreciatively and found it within herself to sing louder.

 

_And I've missed your ginger hair_

_And the way you like to dress’_

 

Trixie and Barbara joined in and the four women projected their voices loudly into the night, and they looked on with suspense as they watched a figure to approach the window. Delia watched as that window on the second floor opened and Valerie appeared, looking down at them all rather peculiarly.  

 

_‘Won't you come on over_

_Stop making a fool out of me_

_Why don't you come on over Valerie!’_

 

Valerie's name was belted out by the group, but everyone stopped singing as the music stopped suddenly, and Delia, Trixie and Barbara looked at Lucille, who had her eyes locked on Valerie.

'Why don't you come on over and… give me a kiss?’ she called up to Valerie.

Valerie blinked with a small smirk on her face, seemingly in a state of disbelief that this was actually happening.

After what seemed like forever, Valerie silently closed her window and the three women waiting with bated breath along with Lucille for Valerie to appear again.

Delia felt her own heartbeat quicken when they all saw the front door open and Valerie step out, wearing her coat and trainers. She crossed the empty street with a bit of a skip in her step, not bothering to say anything when she stopped right in front of Lucille to wrap her arms around her shoulders and kissed her full on the lips.

Lucille almost dropped her guitar, but caught herself as she wrapped her free arm around Valerie's waist and kissed her back. The two pulled away and smiled at one another before leaning in to kiss each other again.

‘Ooh,’ Trixie grinned and clasped her hands together, hopping back and forth on her feet, ‘you two are so cute!’

The two laughed and Barbara and Trixie continued to fuss over the happy new couple, Delia looking on with a smile feeling happy for her friends.

Though, she couldn’t help the aching feeling of longing she felt for her own romantic gesture. Her own kiss. Her own hug. For her love to be celebrated by her friends instead of being kept a secret.

Delia looked away, maintaining a mask of jubilation on the outside while her insides were in pain. Her heart ached, and that feeling of emptiness washed over her again, like something was missing.

It was so overwhelming that she almost didn’t give into the gut feeling that there was a pair of eyes on her.

While the others laughed and chatted amongst themselves, Delia chanced a look over her shoulder and down to the corner, to where she saw a familiar figure standing alone under the streetlight.

The sound of her friends laughing and tittering behind her tapered out. Delia suddenly had tunnel vision. She didn't feel the cold. She didn't notice the snow start to fall. All Delia could focus on was the tall, beautiful redhead standing there, the woman who had been the cause of so much love and pain and hurt and joy in her life. She was here. She was back.

Delia watched as Patsy looked back at her, raising her hand silently to feebly waive to her.

All color drained from Delia’s face as she silently stared at the redhead. Neither woman seemed to breath, and Delia didn't think she could even move, but her body took on a mind of its own. Her feet moved forward, and she slowly walked towards Patsy as if in a trance, not knowing what to feel or say, not entirely believing that this was her, that this was the woman she loved standing right here in front of her.

Delia remained silent as she looked over Patsy. She seemed healthy, and Delia could only imagine she had spent the last several months in the sun eating fresh fruit, getting plenty of exercise chasing after children and exploring the east Asian country, but she looked tired. She wore her rucksack strapped to one shoulder and her clothing was disheveled. She looked as if she had come straight from the airport.

‘I tried calling you from a payphone when I could find one as mine turned into a paperweight…’ Patsy trailed of and all those spam calls Delia received that day came to mind. She kicked herself for not answering upon reflection, ‘I came right to the clinic as soon as I landed,’ Patsy continued softly, ‘because I knew you might be working and… I saw the lot of you leaving at the same time so I followed and... and…’ Patsy trailed off, and Delia watched as the woman seemed to grow more nervous under her gaze.

Delia’s face felt tense. It took her a moment to realize that she was scowling at Patsy, her expression turning to one of anger as she stared at her. It happened so naturally that she had to shake her head slightly to look normal again, but Patsy was already digging through her rucksack, searching for something, looking remorseful, moving quickly as if she were in a rush to explain herself and didn’t want to waste any more time.

After a moment, she pulled out a stack of envelopes held together by a rubber band. She silently handed them to Delia who scanned the name and address on the top one. It was addressed to her but there was a stamp mark over her name.

 _Return to sender_ , it said.  

'This turned up in my dormitory two days ago, about an hour before I left for the airport,’ Patsy started, her words slow as if she had rehearsed this bit in her head a million times already, ‘All the letters I've been writing were held up in some post office somewhere, the postman giving me some excuse about the computer not being able to read the postal code because of my bloody handwriting,’ Patsy seethed to herself, raking her hands harshly through her hair.

'You kept writing?’ Delia managed to finally eek out.

'I did. Every week,’ Patsy said sorrowfully, 'and… and when I didn't get anything back from you I figured… well, I didn't know if you had gone off me or not but I figured if I kept writing and you had, um, gone off me, that you would write to me to say so. Tell me to stop, anything…’

Patsy looked down, her hair falling over her eyes and she sighed sadly.

A wave of guilt washed over Delia, her mind thinking back on all these past weeks and months where she waited for letters that never came, not once thinking to keep sending Patsy letters, instead waiting to hear from her first. She didn’t want to seem needy, she didn’t want to seem desperate or bother Patsy when she was clearly busy and working and exploring or… or had moved on.

But she hadn’t moved on, had she?

‘I’m sorry,’ Delia whispered, her lip quivering as she tried her damnedest to hold back her tears.

Patsy blinked, her expression changing to one of panic as she stepped back from Delia, giving a fair amount of distance between the two of them as she turned red and avoided eye contact with the brunette.

‘You’ve… you don’t feel the same anymore, do you? Oh, god, I’m sorry, I thought...’

Patsy trailed off, raking a shaky hand through her hair once more, and Delia’s heart sank in her chest, realizing that what Patsy was thinking was the exact opposite of reality.

'I should have taken the hint when you weren’t… when I didn’t get any more letters from you, I just thought-,’

'Pats,’ Delia cut her off, swallowing a lump in her throat as Patsy looked back at her.

She ignored the stinging pain behind her eyes as tears formed, feeling her heart swell with a love that she hadn't thought imaginable.

‘You’re wrong,’ she whispered, her lip quivering and voice shaking, ‘Pats… if anything I think I only fell more in love with you while you were away…,’ she looked back down at the bundle of letters in her hands and she finally felt like she was going to crack.

She blinked and her vision grew blurry, two fat teardrops falling and staining the red envelope on top of the pile.

‘Pats,’ Delia said, gritting her teeth to keep in the sob that wanted to escape from her throat, ‘my sweet girl…’

‘Deels,’ Patsy stepped forward again and stopped, looking unsure of what to do or say.

'Just kiss me,’ Delia pleaded.

It happened slowly and then all at once. All reservations evaporated in an instant, and Patsy dropped her rucksack to the ground with a solid thump. Delia felt herself scooped up in Patsy's arms, rising to her toes as she felt Patsy place her warm lips against hers in a searing kiss.

Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's neck and ignored the hot tears that had escaped and we're flowing down her cheeks and off her chin.

She felt faint, but couldn't ignore the spark that had ignited. She needed to take in this woman. She needed to consume her in every way she could in that moment to familiarize herself again. She opened her mouth and tasted her, she pressed her body against hers, she raked her fingers through her hair and breathed her in, taking in her scent. She wanted to surround herself with all that was Patsy, to fill that vast nothingness that grew within her when she left all those months ago.

The two women breathed as their kissing slowed, pulling away and meeting again for softer, gentler kisses. Patsy cradled Delias head softly and Delia leaned back to allow her to kiss her cheeks, kissing away her tears as her grip on the taller woman only tightened. Their lips met again for a soft, lingering kiss their neither saw reason to pull away from.

‘Hey, where’d Delia go-OH MY GOD!’

The two women under the streetlamp pulled away slightly, Patsy blinking back to her senses as Delia turned in her arms to look over at four pairs of eyes staring in shock at her and Patsy.

Valerie clutched her hands in her hair as a wide grin spread across her face.

‘Are you fucking joking, mate?!’ She said, looking around to the others to make sure they were seeing the same thing she was seeing. Barbara and Lucille looked on amused while Trixie scowled and shook her head.

‘Oh. Shit,’ Patsy grimaced, and Delia looked back up at her.

‘Just how long has this been going on then!?’ Valerie asked, astounded, 'No, wait, back up, Patsy, your back! And you're gay?!’ she threw her hands out excitedly, 'and you're with Delia! And Lucille kissed me?! What is this, a Christmas miracle?!’

Lucille laughed at Valerie's excitement and wrapped her arms around her shoulder, kissing her on the cheek.

‘Pats,’ Delia said softly to get her attention and smiled up at the redhead, bringing a hand to her face to quickly wipe her tears away before the others saw, ‘it’s alright now. I don’t work there anymore, at Nonnatus..’

‘You don’t?’ Patsy asked.

‘No, Today was my last day,’ Delia grinned, suppressing a laugh, ‘it’s alright now. We don’t have to hide it anymore.’

Patsy looked back down at her, her eyes watery as a goofy grin spread across her face. She cupped Delia's head in her hand and gently kissed her once more, enticing some jeering from the gaggle of women close by.

‘Oi, aright now, that’s enough of that,’ Valerie interjected, placing a protective arm around Lucille, ‘you’ve gone and interrupted our moment with your own now.’

‘Didn’t mean to,’ Patsy said, turning Delia around so she could hug her from behind and rest her head on the smaller woman's shoulder.

'So what about you two then?’ Valerie asked looking to Trixie and Barbara, 'are you secretly together also or what?’

Both Barbara and Trixie visibly bristled and turned red in the face, looking to one another before looking away and taking a step apart.

‘That’s neither here nor there,’ Trixie said, clearing her throat, ‘So are we going to the pub or what?’ she asked, turning and walking in the other direction. Barbara followed closely behind.

‘What’s with her?’ Valerie asked to the other three. Lucille shrugged, and Patsy and Delia played innocent.

‘Do you think she still doesn’t approve?’ Patsy asked quietly in Delia's ear.  

‘Who cares what Trixie thinks,’ Delia said stubbornly, feeling defensive, 'If she says anything I’ll tell her to butt the fuck out,’ Delia smiled innocently, and Patsy laughed.

Delia removed herself from Patsy’s arms and turned back around to look at her, wrapping her arms around her waist.

‘How are you feeling? Do you want to go back to the flat or do you want to come to the pub with us all?’

‘What’s going on at the pub?’ Patsy asked.

‘Christmas party, of course,’ Delia smiled, imagining those silly elf ears on Patsy that she had to wear all day, ‘I imagine it will be a very rambunctious night with lots of drinking and dancing, but if you’re tired…’

‘I’m not tired,’ Patsy said, leaning down to kiss Delia on the forehead, ‘Well, not _that_ tired,’ she sighed with a smile, ‘and besides, I think it’s about time I took you dancing,’ she pulled back and looked down at Delia endearingly, ‘we have a lot of time to make up for, I think.’

Delia smiled and took Patsy by the hand, leaning down to grab her rucksack and hitched it over her shoulder before they began to follow their friends.

The group shortly reached the pub that was already thrumming with activity, closed off to the public for a private party that was predominantly Valerie's extended family; aunts, uncles, cousins. It was festively decorated with little christmas trees and lights hanging from the ceiling and red bows situated around chairs and posts. Children were running around, music was playing loudly from the speakers and the adults were dancing to the classic christmas music and carrying on drinking and laughing. It was truly a warm and festive environment.

The six nurses from Nonnatus clinic managed to find their own table before Valerie was whisked away to greet her relatives, making her way through a series of hugs and kisses to the bar where she managed to grab a tray of drinks and bring it back to the table, narrowly avoiding being knocked over by a few of the smaller children running past her.

All of this went unnoticed by Delia who couldn’t keep her eyes off Patsy. Even when a warm glass of Irish coffee was set down in front of her, she let it go untouched until Valerie playfully mentioned how ungrateful she was for not drinking what she had brought her.

The others chatted amongst themselves, Patsy bringing enough attention to herself for merely being there, everyone wanting to hear about her experiences in Cambodia and her tales from living there, how she managed to get back.

Delia merely sipped her drink, the coffee warming her and the whiskey making her cheeks red. She watched Patsy endearingly as she recalled her tales, and it was almost as if she was becoming more beautiful as she spoke. The white lights hanging from the ceiling created a soft hughe in the background, bouncing off her red hair, the alcohol making her cheeks just the slightest shade of pink, and that smile. Delia thought about how she so missed seeing that smile.

It wasn’t until Patsy looked over at her, raising an inquiring eyebrow, did Delia realize she was staring.

She finally looked away, blushing, until she felt a soft finger hook under her chin and guide her to look back over at that freckled face and wonderful blue eyes.

‘Hey,’ Patsy said, 'did you make plans to go home after this?’

‘Home?’ Delia asked, ‘you mean back to Pembrokeshire?’

Patsy nodded.

‘No, I…,’ Delia faltered slightly, ‘I didn’t make plans to because… well honestly I didn't want to be away in the chance that you… um,’

‘That I would finally come back?’ Patsy finished for her.

‘I didn’t know when that would be,’ Delia said sadly, ‘I didn't know when you would be coming back and I wanted to be here when you did.’

Delia felt Patsy tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, leaning over to kiss her cheek, ‘Well I’m here now,’ she whispered, and Delia closed her eyes and leaned into her touch, ‘and if you want to go home there’s still time.’

‘I…’ Delia instinctively reached up and grabbed Patsy’s jumper, clutching her fist around the fabric and holding on, ‘not without you, cariad.’

Delia could feel Patsy relax into her touch, wrapping her arm around her shoulders, and Delia situated herself so that her head was in the crook of her shoulder.

Patsy sighed, ‘My… I didn’t realize how much I missed the sound of you calling me that.’

‘Would you, though?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Come with me back home?’ Delia looked up at Patsy hopefully, ‘I… I want you to meet my family and spend Christmas with you.’

‘Is there enough room for us in the house?’ Patsy asked teasingly with a small smirk.

‘We’ll get a hotel,’ Delia smiled, ‘besides, there are things I want to do to you as soon as you recover from the jet lag that shouldn’t be done with my brothers close by.’

‘Shh,’ Patsy hushed her but couldn’t help but smile, and Delia giggled.

The two took a moment to sip their drinks before Patsy looked over to Delia again.

'But yes, I would love to go with you,’ Patsy said.

'You would?’

'Of course,’ Patsy leaned back in her chair, smiling down at Delia, 'I don't usually do holidays, but… I think… I think  I can, if I spend them with you.’

Delia felt like she was going to melt right then and there in her chair. She settled for pulling Patsy down for a sweet kiss.

‘So you’re no longer at Nonnatus, hmm?’ Patsy asked once Delia released her.

Delia nodded happily, ‘That’s right.’

‘Have you found a new position somewhere?’

‘They’re placing me in the NICU at the London,’ Delia beamed,

'Well congrats, Nurse Busby,’ Patsy picked up her glass and clinked it against Delia's.

'I remember when there was a time you refused to call me that,’ Delia teased and Patsy sighed dejectedly.

'Don't remind me,’ she rolled her eyes and looked back over to Delia, 'so when do you start then, hmm? Surely you have a bit of time off, yeah?’

‘I start the first Monday of next month,’ Delia said matter of fact.

Patsy smiled knowingly, ‘Oh, splendid,’ she remarked as she put down her drink and picked up Delia’s phone.

‘Why splendid?’ Delia asked curiously as she watched Patsy open up an email app and log into her account.

‘Because that gives me plenty of time over New Years,’ Patsy mused mysteriously.

‘What for?’ Delia asked as she sipped her drink.

‘To take you to Paris, of course.’

‘Wha… Paris?!’ Delia almost dropped her drink as she sat up straight in her seat, ‘Patsy you don’t… we don’t need to…’

‘Already done,’ she said as she handed Delia’s phone back to her, showing her the receipt for the airline tickets.

‘But… how? What!?’

Delia stuttered as she was still processing this information, though there was a swell of excitement suddenly emanating in her chest at the thought of visiting the city she had been dying to visit for years, now on the precipice of becoming a reality.

'Patsy!’ she finally shouted, feigning anger at Patsy's amused giggling, 'what if I had said no! What if I already had plans for New year's, hmm?’

Patsy shrugged, 'Then Trixie and I would have had a fun time in Paris.’

Delia playfully shoved her girlfriend, trying not to laugh.

‘You’re unbelievable,’  she mused over the sound of Patsy's continued giggling at her reaction to this surprise. 'Where will we stay? Over a holiday? Everywhere is bound to be booked!’

‘Not necessarily,’ Patsy grinned, taking a sip of her drink, 'The Turner's happened to have had a flat booked for the week, but it turns out one of their kiddos has strep throat so now none of them are going anywhere over the holiday.’

'Oh my,’ Delia mused, 'well that's terribly unfortunate.’

'For them,’ Patsy smirked, 'and I was absolutely going to take you to Paris at some time or another anyway and I know it's short notice, but it would be such a waste to let that flat stay empty over the holiday.’

Delia could only smile, the thought of Patsy surprising her with a trip to Paris still sinking in.

'I was told we have a view of the eiffel tower from the flat,’ Patsy remarked, ‘I imagine it looks just divine with fireworks going off around it at midnight, don't you think?’

Delia’s smile grew and her heart thumped at the thought of the romantic sight, and she realized she must have had a silly grin on her face at the thought because Patsy was giggling again at her expression. She shook her head and hugged Patsy again, tucking her head into her shoulder as she felt Patsy wrap her arm around her again.

'There's no way I would let you go to Paris with Trixie.’

'No?’

Delia shook her head, her demeanor turning more somber.

'No… in fact, just…’ she trailed off and swallowed a lump in her throat, 'just please don't go away again. Please… I don't think I would be able to take it.’

'Deels,’ Patsy stopped her, but Delia continued.

'Patsy I mean it,’ Delia said, nuzzling her head into her shoulder, 'I don't… I don't want to be apart from you like that ever again.’

Delia felt Patsy take a deep breath, and she felt the taller woman place her hand over hers that was clutching at her jumper, right over her heart.

‘Darling,’ Patsy said in that way that made Delia swoon, ‘I don't want that either. I don't want to go anywhere unless it's with you,’ she grasped Delia's hand and brought it to her mouth for a sweet kiss, 'and wherever I go next, you're coming with me.’

‘Yeah?’ Delia said dreamily.

'Yes. I promise,’ Patsy smiled, ‘Besides, I kind of like the feeling of you hanging onto me like a koala like you are now,’ she said, a cheek to her tone.

'Good, because I'm never letting you go again,’ Delia emphasized her desire by grasping onto Patsy's jumper again and pulling her down for another kiss.

The two were lost with one another for several moments, only breaking from their kiss when they heard Valerie plunk down two large pint glasses in front of them and told them to drink up. The others soon joined them around the table with their drinks, Barbara and Trixie sharing stories and Valerie and Lucille happily kissing and laughing and carrying on with their newfound romance as music played and children ran around. They all drank more and sang along as an uncle or two gave a very drunken rendition of Run Run Rudolph over the karaoke machine. When Delia couldn't take it any more, she pulled Patsy to her feet and finally got her to dance, the others joining them on the floor but all else was lost to the world as Patsy and Delia only seemed to mind themselves. For the first time since she and Patsy had confessed their love for one another, there was no drama. There was no anxiety, no nefarious foreboding lingering over them like a shadow because of their relationship, no stress of having to hide or fear of being caught, and Delia thought that Patsy felt that way too, like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders and they were both glowing as a result of it, a smile being a permanent fixture on both her and Patsy's features the entire night.  

Delia marveled at the beautiful woman in her arms. Patsy was back. They were in love and they were dancing and they were going to Pembrokeshire together and planning a trip to Paris and they were finally going to be together properly as they had always wanted. No more reservations, no more hiding, no more distance.

 

Just together. And that was how it would always be. 

 

* * *

 

The end. 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers - thanks for sticking with me to the end and allowing me to guide you over some particularly harrowing narrative arcs (you know which ones I'm talking about). 
> 
> I don't really have that much else to say except to thank everyone for reading and leaving comments and addressing their concerns when they had some. I was sort of venturing out into territory I'd never come across before in my own life and I got some things right and others I didn't. This was certainly a learning experience for me, that's for sure. 
> 
> I love these characters - I truly do, and I think in cannon or here in my little story there was a lot that happened in their lives that made them the women they are and brought them together. They're truly wonderful and I love them.
> 
> As for the doodle - well, I only had the time this week to do a 5 minute sketch. 
> 
> *fangirl sigh*
> 
> Again, thanks for being there with me through it all. 
> 
> I'll be back soon. 
> 
> \---
> 
> This next bit is about politics. I don't follow sports so this is like my playoffs, people. If you're not interested just skip this bit. 
> 
> We had a midterm election here in the states and I just want to say that we did have some disappointments (Texas (Beto!), Florida, Georgia - which is still up in the air as of this evening who will be the new governor so fingers crossed Stacey Abrams gets it! Rooting for you, girl!). But there was a lot to be proud of too - Dems picked up 26 seats in the house with Voters electing a _record_ number of women, young people, first-time candidates, and people of color! Dems held all seven contested governorships and picked up seven more, including Wisconsin (bye Scott Walker!), Kansas (on behalf of everyone, go fuck yourself, Kris Kobach), and Colorado (first openly gay gov ever!). If you're wondering what the hell the big deal is - well republicans don't hold power in all three houses of government anymore. Republicans won’t be repealing Obamacare or paying for their donors’ tax cuts with your health care. There won’t be a wall on the southern border. Democrats will have agenda-setting and oversight power. Think Congress should debate a minimum-wage increase? We can make that happen now. Want to read Trump’s tax returns, see his corrupt enablers subpoenaed, end his self-enrichment, and investigate his campaign’s collusion with Russia in 2016? Those will all be top Democratic priorities. 
> 
> Phew. Alright, deep breaths. No need to be complacent - we've already seen trumplethinskin fire his attorney general to fill his spot with another yes-man who could endanger Mullers investigation so it's important we stay active and make phone calls to our representatives to stay on it and protect him and the investigation. 
> 
> If anything, feel happy that Pence is going to be forced to swear in the first openly gay Native American woman from Kansas, and then switch to the Quran to swear in the first two Muslim women to congress ever. I hope that ruffles his feathers, the homophobic prick.


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your very very completely silly and out of character fluffy epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 years in the future. Enjoy!

It was a dreary Sunday morning in January. 

 

Patsy found herself lounging on the sofa in her sister's house, as was their usual Sunday custom. She idly swirled her tea in her cup as she looked around at the leftover Christmas decorations that had yet to be put away. The tree was still up and decorated, the white lights emanating a rather lovely hugue in the corner of the large lounge with all of Ted’s toys sprawled out around and underneath. The young toddler himself was directly in front of Patsy, having been left in charge while Sophie and Delia went to collect some groceries. 

 

Patsy sighed and looked out the window, feeling rather blue that she and Delia had returned from their now annual New Years trip to Paris and the two would be returning to work in less than 24 hours time. 

 

Brightly colored images on the television caught her attention and she looked down at her nephew as he played with some blocks on the floor with cartoons quietly playing in the background. She sipped her tea and looked at him endearingly, thinking he was rather adorable playing quietly by himself, humming a tune of his own making. 

 

'Aunt Patsy?’ Ted said, not looking up from his block structure. 

 

'Yes, Ted.’

 

'Can I ask you something?’

 

Patsy couldn't help but smirk at her nephew, marveling slightly that the toddler was already so we'll spoken. 

 

'What's that?’

 

'Where is your penis?’ 

 

Patsy scoffed. Alright, maybe her nephews abject skills of observation weren't as mature for his age as she thought they had been.

 

'Ted, I don't have a penis.’

 

'Are you a man?’

 

'No, I'm a woman.’

 

'Really?’ 

 

' _ Yes _ ,’ she replied a little insulted. 

 

She wondered if he was at that age where he was trying to figure all this out, the differences between men and women. 

 

‘Ted, how old are you?’ she asked. 

 

‘This many,’ Ted said raising three fingers. 

 

‘Hmph,’ Patsy grumped and sipped her tea, realizing he  _ was _ at that age. She braced herself to continue the conversation if need be. 

 

Ted stacked up all his blocks and karate chopped at them with a shout, and they all came tumbling down, clamoring noisily on the coffee table and floor. 

 

Patsy breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that the boy was distracted. 

 

Ted walked over to the sofa to climb up and sit next to Patsy, the boy looking up at her curiously. 

 

‘So you don’t have a penis?’ he asked. 

 

Patsy smacked her forehead. Apparently she was wrong. 

 

'Ted, no. I'm a woman. I don't have a penis,’ she tried to explain as plainly as possible for him to understand. 

 

‘Oh,’ Ted said, looking back to his blocks before turning back to Patsy, 'Does Aunt Delia have a penis?’

 

'No. Delia is a woman… she's also not your aunt.’

 

'Why?’

 

'Because we're not married.’

 

‘Why?’ 

 

'We're just not,’ Patsy shrugged and sipped her tea.

 

'So you do have a penis.’

 

'What? Ted, no, two women or two men can get married to one another just like your mum and dad are married.’

 

‘So you’re not a man?’ 

 

Patsy refrained from rolling her eyes as she seemed to be getting nowhere with her nephew, 'Ted, no, I'm a  _ woman _ . Delia is a  _ woman _ . We are two women and we can be together just like your mum and dad are. Neither of us have a penis, nor do we need one.’ 

 

‘Says who?’

 

Patsy looked over to see Delia enter the room with a mesh bag full of groceries followed by her sister Sophie, heavily pregnant with her second child. 

 

‘Oh thank God you're back,’ Patsy sighed, leaning back on the sofa as Ted bounced off to run and greet his mother. 

 

Sophie leaned down as far as she could to give her son a pat on the head, ‘Sorry sweetie but mummy has  _ got _ to use the toilet,’ she waddled away cursing at the baby inside her kicking into her ribs and pushing their head against her bladder mercilessly. 

 

Delia scooped up Ted in her arms to keep him from running after his mum and situated him so he was sitting on her hip. 

 

‘What kind of conversation did I just walk in on, hmm?’ she asked, giving a curious eye to Patsy. 

 

‘He’s trying to figure out relationships,’ Patsy said, rising from the sofa to join Delia in the kitchen, ‘I think because he sees men and women together predominantly, he thinks that one of us must be a man.’ 

 

‘Ah,’ Delia said, turning to Ted, who was transfixed by her necklace and fiddling with it, ‘Teddy, do you think Aunt Patsy and I are men or women?’ 

 

Ted looked to Patsy, seemingly unsure, then back to Delia, ‘Aunt Patsy is a man.’ 

 

Patsy rolled her eyes to the ceiling and sighed. 

 

‘Why do you say that?’ Delia asked, ignoring Patsy’s reaction. 

 

‘Um,’ Ted stuttered, seemingly collecting his thoughts, ‘Aunt Delia and Aunt Patsy are together like mum and dad are and Aunt Delia is a woman because she has long hair.’ 

 

‘Ted, for the last time I'm not a man,’ Patsy huffed, ‘and Delia isn't your aunt.’

 

Delia frowned and hugged Ted tighter. 

 

'I'm as good as,’ she insisted, and Patsy clamped her mouth shut and harrumphed stubbornly. 

 

‘Are you married?’ Ted asked Delia. 

 

‘No,’ she replied. 

 

‘Why?’ 

 

‘Gosh, Ted,’ Delia started, feigning concern and looking to Patsy, ‘that’s certainly a good question, isn’t it?’ 

 

‘What are you looking at me like  _ that  _ for?’ Patsy asked, hands on her hips. 

 

‘Why aren’t we married, Patsy?’ 

 

‘What do you mean why?’ Patsy grumped feeling her face turn red and very much not liking being under the gaze of her girlfriend at the moment. 

 

‘She’s never asked me to marry her, that’s why,’ Delia said quietly to Ted. 

 

‘You’ve never asked me either,’ Patsy said stubbornly. 

 

‘Would you even say yes?’ 

 

‘Would you!?’

 

‘Certainly,’ Delia said without hesitation.

 

Patsy faltered, not expecting that answer.

 

‘So are you going to ask me or not?’ 

 

‘I can’t ask you now,’ Patsy began to pace in circles in the small kitchen, suddenly overcome with nerves.

 

‘Fine, then I’ll ask you,’ Delia insisted. 

 

‘I don’t want that either! I feel like I would only be giving you an answer under duress!’ 

 

‘Patsy, that’s silly. You should know by now if you want to marry me or not, right?’ 

 

Patsy stopped her pacing. 

 

She did know. She had known since two weeks after she had returned from Cambodia a year ago and thoughts of  the hiding spot where she kept the ring appeared vibrantly in her mind She had been waiting the right moment to give it to her but it has always seemed too soon. She had doubts. She always had doubts. Delia was still so young and Patsy would always wonder if she really did want to be by her side for… well, for the rest of their lives ideally. 

 

She turned to face Delia, her arms crossed and knowing she had a sour expression on her face that just seemed to make Delia’s smile grow. 

 

'Yes, I do know,’ Patsy mumbled. 

 

'So?’ 

 

'So what?’ 

 

'So are we getting married?’

 

'I guess!’ Patsy said exasperated, throwing her hands up. 

 

'You guess?’ 

 

'Ugh,’ Patsy groaned, 'this was not how I expected this conversation to go in my head.’ 

 

Delia laughed, 'I did,’ she ignored Patsy playfully narrowing her eyes at her, 'from the moment we first met, everything has been a constant struggle with you. It's no surprise to me that we're fighting about this now.’

 

Patsy rolled her eyes, 'Alright, fine,’ she held out her hands and spoke softly in an attempt to control her temper, ‘Delia, do you want to get married?’

‘Oh, I'd like to get married someday. Specifically to someone in particular if they'd ask me properly.’ 

 

Patsy nearly growled, trying hard not to smile at Delia, who was as stubborn a smartass as she was and she had come to rather love that about her. 

 

‘You've got enough cheek for another arse, you know,’ Patsy quipped. 

 

'I'm still waiting for my proposal,’ Delia said, batting her eyelashes. 

 

Patsy sighed, finally giving in and willing herself not to stutter from nerves. 

 

'Delia, will you marry me?’ she asked, and even though she knew the answer her heart was still beating frantically in her chest awaiting her response. 

 

Delia took in a big breath of air, her mouth wide as if she were about to respond when she suddenly turned to Ted and spoke quietly. 

 

'What do you think? Should I marry Aunt Patsy?’ 

 

'I don't know,’ Ted said rather shy as all the attention was on him all of a sudden. 

 

Delia whispered low in his ear, 'Say 'yes’.’ 

 

'Yes!’ he screamed, Delia backing away and blinking at the sudden change in volume. 

 

She looked over to Patsy with a happy grin, 'Suppose that settles it.’

 

Patsy rolled her eyes at Delia's antics but couldn't help the happy grin that broke out on her face. 

 

‘Alright Ted,’ Patsy said, crossing her arms and gazing pointedly at her nephew, ‘you can call  _ Aunt  _ Delia now.’ 

 

Delia laughed, giving Ted a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she set him down to run back to his blocks. 

 

She turned to look back at Patsy, unable to contain a happy squeal as she bounced into her arms, and Patsy embraced her thinking she was so cute. 

 

Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's neck and pulled her down for several kisses, placing them all over her forehead and nose and cheeks, Patsy giggling until their mouths met for several sweet kisses. 

 

The two broke apart as the sound of a door bursting open and smacking against the wall with such force that Patsy was sure it would leave a hole in the wall, reverberated through the house. 

 

‘Did I just hear a marriage proposal in my kitchen!’ Sophie exclaimed from somewhere in the house. 

 

Patsy and Delia shared a laugh as Sophie reappeared as quickly as she could, looking at them with the utmost excitement. 

 

‘So?!’ she asked, ‘are we going to be planning a wedding this year? Is that what I’m hearing?!’ 

 

Patsy held her hands up, ‘Oh, no, I won’t have any part of that bit,’ she said backing away slightly. 

 

‘Oh yes you will,’ Delia said, tugging on Patsy’s ear as if she were a naughty child, ‘there’s no way I’m planning a wedding on my own.’ 

 

‘You won’t be alone, you’ll have Sophie - ouch!’ 

 

‘Oh my gosh, Delia, this’ll be grand,’ Sophie started, ignoring the small act of domestic abuse from Patsy's cheek, ‘I’ve already been secretly working on a pinterest board just for this and I’ve been dying to show you,’ Sophie began to pace, ticking off things to do while she pounded her fist into her palm, ‘first we need to find a venue, are you thinking an autumn wedding? What about next spring? That’ll determine the theme. And then a caterer, and a cake! Oh, Delia I know just the pla-,’ 

 

Patsy and Delia watched on bemused as Sophie suddenly cut herself off, her face contorting as if she were about to sneeze. 

 

‘You alright?’ Patsy asked. 

 

‘No…’ Sophie groaned out, leaning forward and clutching the kitchen counter until her knuckles turned white. 

 

‘Patsy I think she’s having a contraction’ Delia said, walking over to place a comforting hand on Sophie's back, ‘just breath sweetie, remember your exercises.’ 

 

Sophie nodded and began to breathe. 

 

Patsy remained nonplussed, observing her sister from her spot leaning against the sink. 

 

Delia turned to face Patsy again, looking worried, 'Should we start heading to the hospital?’

 

Patsy shook her head, 'No need to rush. If this  _ is _ an contraction we should wait until they're five minutes apart.’ 

 

Several moments passed where Sophie breathed while being observed by the two midwives in the room. Eventually she was able to stand up straight again and looked to the two apologetically.

 

‘Sorry, I think it was a false alarm,’ Sophie said, looking, ‘I didn’t mean to let my bad cramp take away from your moment.’ 

 

‘It’s alright,’ Patsy said with a shrug, 'I feel like your impending infant takes precedence as it is. 

 

Delia rolled her eyes at Patsy's way with words as Sophie winced again and clutched onto her stomach.

 

‘Oh dear,’ Delia said, looking down. 

 

Patsy followed her gaze and saw the makings of a stain on the front of Sophie's jeans.

 

‘I think your water just broke,’ Delia said. 

 

‘Alright,  _ now  _ we can go to hospital,’ Patsy said, feeling a little more in her element as she gave some orders, ‘Deels, take her upstairs and get her some fresh trousers and her overnight bag. I’ll put Ted in the car and see if I can get hold of Michael to lure him off the golf course for the birth of his child.’ 

 

'Delia,’ Sophie gripped onto the brunettes arm as she guided her up the staircase, 'we still need to… discuss a color scheme,’ her voice was raspy from being in pain. 

 

Patsy marveled at the one track mind her sister had as she collected Ted and a bag for him full of snacks and other things to keep him occupied. 

 

She waited until the two women descended the staircase, Sophie breathing through her contractions as she prattled on about dresses and flowers and Delia nodding along with an amused smirk on her face. Patsy opened the door for the both of them and scooped up Ted.

 

Her mind flashed to her past for only a split second, and she couldn't believe that this was her life. This was something she would have never imagined for herself before Delia came along. Not only Delia being in her life, but the two of them very much in love and engaged to be married now, a rekindled relationship with her sister, a nephew whom she loved and another niece or nephew on the way. 

 

Patsy closed the door behind her, thinking even though she couldn't believe this was her life, she was so very happy that it was. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part may or may not have been based on an actual conversation I've had with one of my nephews before my wife and I got hitched. Thought it would make for an amusing ending.

**Author's Note:**

> There's some deep topics in this story and I would love to hear your feedback (especially if it's to help me understand something better concerning said topics). Leave a comment if you feel so inclined - fic writers love feedback to let us know you're enjoying the story (or not!). Thanks for reading. 
> 
> [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/samanthais).


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